All Articles Tagged "marrying for love"

Can You Marry Someone You Don’t Love?

February 6th, 2012 - By Charing Ball
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"charing ball"A friend of mine posted this blog on her Facebook page and it got me intrigued. The blog post features a letter about a woman who is set to be married. You’re probably thinking, ooh, a love story, how quaint, right? Or you’re probably thinking, whatever, people get married everyday. Who wants to read an entire post about that?  Well here’s the thing: she doesn’t love the man she is about to wed. Ah, now your interest has been piqued.

Okay here is the lowdown: The 28-year young woman named Folu has been involved in a series of bad relationships, where she found herself giving away emotionally more than she received – a ratio of 70-30 percent to be more exact. Anyway, after dating a scumbag named Bode for over two years, who seemed to have taken delight in cheating on her and dangling a relationship on a string, our heroine began to realize that the feeling of being in love is “overrated” and is the most “negligible consideration in looking for a mate.”

Folu then goes on to discuss meeting her fiancé Tayo, with whom she has been dating and engaged to for 11 months combined.  While Tayo, who is a born-again Christian, meets one of her requirements, he doesn’t dress nice, doesn’t offer intellectual stimulation and is not really physically attractive enough to get her excited. In short, Tayo is boring. However, Folu claims that with him, she has found her peace and joy.

So what is it about Tayo that makes her believe that he is the one, despite not being the one that makes her heart go pitter-patter? Well, in short, he is nice to her. He does stuff like pick her up from the airport, something her former lover Bode would never do, and makes her feel safe, secure, pampered and cared for.  And although Folu does not love Tayo, she is convinced that eventually she could, especially after they consummate their relationship. According to the Folu, “I might not be with the handsome charmer I longed for as a young teenager. He might not have the best physique in the world. He might not have funny things to say to me all the time. He might not be able to make my heart do somersaults. He might not have the latest clothes and shoes nor know the latest slangs young peoples say. He might not understand my love for E! News and Yoruba movies. But of this I am sure: I am with the man God selected, handpicked for me….”

She adds, “My heart doesn’t have to skip beats when he is not with me. I don’t have to call him 10 times before I get one call back from him. I’m not pressured to do anything ungodly instead I am challenged to draw closer to God and know Him more that I might be a deserving wife to the man God designed for me and that I may bring him as much joy and bliss as he does me. If you call this settling then yes, this girl HAS settled.”

There is no way to verify the authenticity of this letter; however let’s assume for the purpose of this post that it is true. And it is not like there isn’t someone out there right now going through the same thing so it would not be so far of a stretch to ponder the possibilities. Nevertheless for those, who are familiar with my previous post in regards to settling, you know I’m not having it. I don’t care what the media says about the probability of marriage for Black women; life is too short to be with someone, who you sort of, kind of, maybe “like.” But that’s just my thing and if she is as truly happy and content as she says she is, than who am I to judge?

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