All Articles Tagged "marriage"
These celebrities who got married as teens say you can’t control when cupid strikes — even if you’re not out of high school yet!
Would you move for love? According to a recent study by the Pew Research Center, it might pay off. When it comes to single, employed men, some cities are definitely better for women looking to get married others.
How does your city stack up?
Ladies, now that spring has sprung, do you find yourself itching to break out of that cuffing season hibernation? Are you currently in a relationship that has gone on for a while with no proposal in sight? If you find yourself in that situation, you may be going through a myriad of emotions, wondering “Does he want to marry me or not?”
As someone who used to be single and dating, I had to look in the mirror and ask myself, seriously, what I was ready to do to take my relationship to the next level. Could I handle the responsibility that came with holding, not only someone’s heart, but their life, in my hands? Would I be able to have the strength to side away from the ratchetness that has seemingly gripped the nation to be dedicated to this person?
After strong consultation with myself, my pastor, and even members of my family, I weighed all the options laid bare in front of me. I couldn’t wait years, months, days, or even another second without her by my side, as my wife-to-be. Keep in mind, I’m not a Hollywood persona. I’m not somebody who you could even pick out of a lineup. I’m just an African American man who ended up knowing what he wanted out of life and love.
How can you separate the weak-kneed playa mentality from the true man of your dreams? Well, whether you’re single, dating, on the prowl, or in a committed relationship, here are some very helpful signs that will better help you weed out the trill from the real.
When I first read about the woman who left her marriage to sleep with strangers, I thought “well that’s an… interesting way to work on your marriage.” But the author of “The Wild Oats Project” isn’t alone. The Washington Post says that Robin Rinaldi’s new take-a-sex-break-from-marriage philosophy could be the next marriage phenomenon since conscious uncoupling.
Here’s why it shouldn’t be.
When leafing through the files of relationships past, every woman asks herself “am I a good girlfriend?” And what does that mean anyway? We don’t know if we’ll ever come up with a definite answer. But in a mean time, these celebs dish on what it means to be a good partner. Do you agree?
Marriage, if done right, is a beautiful thing. In fact, I want to experience the beauty of marriage. I want to wake up to the same person every day, go to bed with the same person every night, and spend the rest of my life, experiencing my life, with someone else.
But not just yet.
There is a social media hashtag going around among African-American women encouraging us to travel, and that resonates with me right now. It goes by #seesomeworld.
Basically, I want to see some more of the world as a single girl, experience a few more single girl things, and get to know myself a little more before I become ‘one’ with someone else. Some people opt for marrying at a young age. There is nothing wrong with that if it works for you. But I’ve never been an advocate for marrying until you’ve become a whole person on your own and lived a life worth bragging about to yourself.
With that being said, I think women should consider the following things before jumping the broom. Some of them I’ve done, others I’m still checking off my list.
Of course, when love knocks, you can’t keep it waiting if you feel ready, so you may not get a chance to do all of these things. But just in case, here are some you should consider doing in the meantime.
Would you marry a man you’d only known for one month? Three months? What about four days. These celebrities who married people they barley knew say it’s never too soon to follow your heat. Do you agree?
We’ve already talked about the communication problems Kandi and Todd are having, all being played out on “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” In addition to dealing with distance and the failing of their musical, “A Mother’s Love,” the two are only having sex once a week.
And Kandi is in her feelings about it. So she suggests that they attend marriage counseling. Todd doesn’t really think it’s that deep and feels that if they make some compromises, they should be good. But apparently, “they” is just Kandi.
He did have a suggestion about how they could fix their bedroom issues.
“Let’s be real. I’m not Tyson Beckford and you’re not Rihanna. When’s the last time you didn’t have the bonnet on and you put some heels on?”
Then Kandi said: “I had the bonnet on my hair before we got married and it was not a problem.”
Todd: If I say the bonnet doesn’t turn me on, you gotta be like ‘You know what well maybe I don’t need the bonnet on. Like, you have to compromise.
And then in his confessional:
“Man have you seen a lady at night with a bonnet on? The most thirstiest dude wouldn’t get it up!”
The words sound harsher typed out than they actually were, which is why I included the video at the top. So you can get a true sense. The way they discussed this situation, with jokes, laughter and even some touchy-feely throughout, I think Todd and Kandi will be just fine.
But this bonnet discussion has always been so fascinating to me. I mean, Black women have been wearing bonnets for at least a century at this point. But all of a sudden Black men are coming out of the woodworks talking about how they don’t find them sexy.
Before Todd, there was Shawn Bullard from “Match Made In Heaven” and one of our male writers made a similar comment about bonnets killing the mood in a random g-chat conversation.
I mean, I get that they’re not exactly the sexiest things around but since when did a bonnet stop someone from getting it in? As a man, you can make a production out of ripping the bonnet off before you get started or gauge your skills in the amount of time it takes for you to work it off during the deed itself.
I’m with Kandi, Todd knew about her bonnet before they got married. Just like a whole lot of other Black men. Someone suggested that Black men started dating White women and now they want to act brand new. Who knows? But the brothas gotta be more sympathetic to our hair struggle. Matter of fact, if they think back to the days when they were wearing braids and waves, they know that they used to have to sleep with a scarf on as well.
Black hair requires care.
And we’re not our hair but our hair is a part of our lives. And just like other elements of life, when it comes to sex, you just have to work around it.
Attraction is a huge part of the dating game for both sexes, but we all know women tend to get the short end of the stick when it comes to attracting a mate. Not only do men hope we show up looking like video vixens on the first date, even when we manage to get into a committed relationship we’re somehow expected to be sexy for our lover all.the.damn.time. Is this just the price women have to pay to keep a happy home or do men need to chill with all the requirements about our physical upkeep? Check out this sneak peek of our Breaking The Code attraction episode and tune in Friday for the full video.
At some point, folks really need to start thinking about their happiness.
I am in no way an expert on marriage, but I do know a thing or two about healthy and happy relationships. I’m blessed to say my guy and I have been together for seven years and are coming up on our third wedding anniversary. As a child of divorce, it was a bit difficult at first to navigate our life as husband and wife given I didn’t have the best example growing up. Even with my parents’ split, I’m happy they did what they could to put their differences aside and develop a healthy co-parenting partnership that was void of drama.
I just wish some people in my camp would get it together. I’m really tired of hearing about the same old problems.
We have a close family friend who has been married to his wife for five years — and for five years he has done nothing but complain about his situation. Come to think of it, the brother was complaining before he got married which should have been a red flag. Aside from being annoying (he’s a grown man who married younger), we all can’t help but wonder why he’s staying with his wife if she’s really that bad. From what we know, she doesn’t cook, clean or enjoy physical encounters if you know what I mean. After several failed attempts to reignite their flame through therapy, nothing appears to be working. The two have a child together, which I think is one of the main reasons he’s trying so hard to stick it out. Even though he makes more money and their home is his, he thinks she will take their son away and he won’t get equal custody or visitation. He’s also nervous she’ll take him to the cleaners.
Is it really cheaper to keep her–or him if the roles were reversed?
I always thought that concept applied to folks who made some serious money, but I guess not. It’s one thing to try and stay in a relationship for the sake of your child, but in most cases, that can do more harm than good–considering how unhealthy the relationship will become over time. My father has two marriages under his belt with the last costing him dearly. Even though he knew in the back of his head he shouldn’t have said “I do,” he made the decision to couple up with a woman who had no problems expressing her love for gold (to say the least). While their divorce set him back financially — to the point of almost filing for bankruptcy — he knew his sanity and well-being were more important. After years of saving, he’s currently enjoying the retired life in a new home free of debt… and my former stepmother.
If there was ever a moral to this story, it’s to figure out how compatible you are with someone before you get into a marriage. In addition to their quarrels and arguments, these two don’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to finances. He saves, she spends. Money is one of the top reasons why folks split, but apparently it could be the thing keeping these two together. Sometimes financial backlash is an investment worth taking–especially if you have the time and will to better your situation.
Who knows what will happen to these two. Hopefully others won’t make the same mistakes, or at least learn from them should they happen. Here are some reads that might help in this arena: