All Articles Tagged "marriage"
Everything that changes after you’re married, brought to you by Beyonce gifs. Sometimes we all miss being single ladies.
Dropping It Like It’s Hot
In fact you’ve retired most of your sweat-inducing moves. You’re not even sure where they do that anymore.
— .aaron.banks. (@AaronWBanks) December 17, 2014
Two demonstrators who met while protesting in Ferguson, Missouri, following the Aug. 9 death of Michael Brown are getting married.
Alexis Templeton, 20, and Brittany Ferrell, 25, two of the co-founders of Millennial Activists United, first met in August at protests for police accountability after Brown was killed by former Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson. The two are also both plaintiffs in a federal court case against law enforcement agencies over their heavy-handed response to demonstrations.
After getting to know each other at the protests, the two started dating. On Tuesday afternoon, Templeton formally proposed to Ferrell at City Hall, where the couple then picked up a marriage license.A number of activists and members of the media showed up to watch the proposal. Ferrell told the crowd that she had suggested to Ferrell on Monday that they get engaged. They will hold a formal ceremony soon, she added; they have not yet set a date, but their certificate, which still needs signatures from witnesses and an ordained minister in order to become binding, expires in 30 days.
With so many protesters active on social media, the proceedings were well-documented on Twitter, Vine and via livestream. Several people showed up after seeing the news on Twitter, including St. Louis City Counselor Winston Calvert. After the couple signed their marriage license, people chanted, “Black love matters” inside the city hall office.
“She’d made me happy for 130 days, and I want to make her happy for the rest of her life,” Templeton told the crowd.
Templeton’s sister, Bre, who is 23, said she didn’t know Templeton was interested in Ferrell until mid-September.
Read more about this love story at BlackVoices.com
“I Grew Up With A Lot of Conflict And Trauma” Beyoncé Shares Life Lessons In New Video “Yours And Mine”
Beyoncé is showing us all types of facets of her personality these days. In lieu of press tours and interviews, she’s sharing more and more of herself through her actual art work. This time though she’s not singing. In celebration of the one year anniversary of her self-titled visual album, in one of her standard video diary confessional type reflections, Beyoncé talks about the lessons she’s learned, giving us a sneak peek into her perspective on the world. Her are some quotes from the 11 min video below.
I sometimes wish I could be anonymous and walk down the street like everyone else. Before I was famous, I was the girl on the hill with the guitar. I was the girl who just wanted a beautiful view of the beach. And now that I’m famous, it’s really really difficult to do really, really simple things. I think it’s the hardest thing to give up. But my mother always taught me to be strong and to never be a victim. Never make excuses. Never expect anyone else to provide for me, things I know I can provide for myself. I have dreams and I feel like I have a power to actually make those dreams actually become a reality.
When you’re famous no one looks at you as a human anymore. You become the property of the public. There’s nothing real about it. You can’t put your finger on who I am. I can’t put my finger on who I am.
I grew up with a lot of conflict and traumas and I’ve been through a lot, just like everyone else. My escape was always music and I’m so lucky that that’s my job.
I was brought up seeing my mother try to please and make everyone comfortable. And always felt like it was my job to fix the problem…people pleaser. But I’m no longer afraid of conflict. And I don’t think conflict is a bad thing cuz I know that when you grow up, when you learn a few things you’re no longer afraid of letting go. You’re no longer afraid of the unknown.
If I hadn’t gone through some of the painful experiences in my life, I would not be me.
But if I accomplished all of these things and had no one to share with, it would be worth nothing. You know, you need something real in order for any of this stuff to matter. You have to have something that is forever, something that’s invisible.
People feel like they lose something when they get married. But it doesn’t have to be that way. There’s nothing more exciting than having a witness to your life.
I feel like my body is borrowed and this life is very temporary.
I watched my friend’s body deteriorate. And to watch someone pass on so gracefully put everything into perspective. We do not value ourselves enough. Especially young people don’t appreciate how brilliant our bodies are. I’ve always been very very specific and very choosey…very choosey about what I do with my body and who I want to share that with.
I always consider myself a feminist although I was always afraid of that word because people put so much on it. When honestly it’s very simple, it’s just a person that believes in equality for men and women. Men and women balance each other out and we have to get to a point where we are comfortable with appreciating each other.
I have a lot of empathy for men and the pressures that they go through and the cultures that have been created, especially for African American men. I have the same empathy for women and the pressures we go through. A woman has to provide so many things for their children. I consider myself a humanist.
And her final thought:
One thing that’s for sure, the love I have for music, for my husband, for my child is something that will last far beyond my life.
She also speaks about depending on other people, happiness and other life observations in the video below. Take a look below and let us know what you think
Been asking yourself “will I ever get married?” Statistics suggest that the answer is “no.” But there’s no need to panic. The future for women isn’t as bleak as it seems.
Black Men Are In High Demand
When SugarDaddy.com asked it’s users what they wanted most in a man, the answer was universally “a black one” — even though less than 4% of the site’s users are black. With black men becoming the most desirable demographic on-screen and off, already-slim pickings are getting even slimmer.
We have been talking about single Black people for what seems like an eternity. Single Black men not dating single Black women, with single Black kids and single black dogs with single black cats and single black goldfish. And on. And on. And on. Quite simply, I don’t give the least amount of f*cks about a single black any damn body. If I had a pocket full of f*cks and you needed one to save your life, I wouldn’t even bother to reach in my pocket — that’s how much I don’t give a f*ck about this conversation. You know, single Black men and single Black women judging all these other single Black men and single Black women on why they are not married. People saying, “Everybody wants to get married; everybody wants a fairy tale wedding” and single people pushing this propaganda.
Besides Steve Harvey, does anybody find it interesting that all of the people giving out relationship advice are either 1) single 2) divorced (and single) or 3) haven’t had a stable relationship since birth? They don’t even get along with their dog on most days. And dogs love everybody. I’ve always wondered, why are marriage counselors usually single people? Why are all these relationship advice givers usually single? Why are single people who have never been married encouraging other people to get married while actually married people are playing in the cut? And then it dawned on me: Married people aren’t even talking about this stuff. Why? Because married people know the damn truth. What’s this truth? Being married is not all it’s cracked up to be. I’m not saying being married isn’t a wonderful experience to hope and wish for. What I am saying is, none of my married friends are pushing it on me.
I know a few married people my age and you know what they tell me?
“Man, you better not do this until you’re good and damn ready.”
“This sh!t is hard dawg. Not that I don’t love my wife but if I probably should have waited a little longer.”
“I love my husband but damn…I did not know this was going to be so much damn work.”
When I’m watching Vlogs, reading blogs, CNN, or whatever, all of the people weighing in on the singleness of Black America are either White (which I have a huge problem with) or not in a damn relationship themselves. I have a homegirl who was engaged to be married. She was with her boyfriend for about seven years when he finally popped the question. It was platinum ring with diamonds, big karats. He spent plenty money (Plies voice). She was excited. Her friends were excited, everybody was excited. And then the relationship hit a rough patch. The engagement fell through and she decided she didn’t want to marry the dude anymore. Her decision right? I mean if anybody should know about that situation and why it did not work out, it would be her right?
Her friends were livid and giving her plenty of grief. “Girl he wanted to marry you. He makes all that money, he’s a good man blah blah blah.” Um, you’re single as hell and ain’t had a man in three years. Why the hell you got so much to say about your friend’s relationship when you don’t have one?” The people who have the most to say about marriage and why it’s right, what you should do, and how you should do it, are never married themselves! This is tantamount to a person who has played soccer his entire life and only watched basketball on television, advising me on my jump shot. Yeah, you watched Jordan shoot that joint, but you can only tell me so much about my form and my release. At some point, your limited knowledge is going to hurt me. Now would it be smart to a) keep listening to the soccer-playing-basketball-watching jump shot guy or b) go find someone who shoots 1,000 jumpers every 4-6 hours they are awake to help me out?
That’s how I feel about all these single people giving advice and pushing others towards marriage. If anybody should be advocating for marriage, in my mind, it should be people who are actually married. The fact that married people are not exactly selling the dream of marriage to anybody is a telling notion that shouldn’t be overlooked. Married people aren’t tripping off that sh!t. Why?
Because married people know the truth.
With Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s “consciously uncoupling” and various media outlets talking up the climbing statistics of divorce, we’d think everyone’s splitting up. But The New York Times finds divorce is actually at an all-time low. The publication says the institution of marriage is at its strongest after surviving ceiling-shattering 1970s and early 1980s divorce rates.
The New York Times reports that 70 percent of the marriages that began in the early ‘90s have reached their 15th anniversary (excluding couples in which a spouse died). If this trend continues, two-thirds of those marriages will never be taken to divorce court.
There are a few reasons why divorce has been on a decline: people are deciding to marry later on in life, more contraceptive use and the rise of marriages who are based on love and not finances among them. The NY Times links this to how gender roles have changed over the past century. William Doherty, a marriage therapist and professor of family social services at University of Minnesota, says two-thirds of divorce were initiated by women. The NY Times concludes:
“The people who married soon before the feminist movement were caught in the upheaval. They had married someone who was a good match for the postwar culture but the wrong partner after times changed. Modern marriage is more stable because people are again marrying people suitable to the world in which we live. The delay in marriage is part of the story, allowing people more time to understand what they want in a partner and to find one. The median age for marriage in 1890 was 26 for men and 22 for women. By the 1950s, it had dropped to 23 for men and 20 for women. In 2004, it climbed to 27 for men and 26 for women.”
Headline and Global News (HNGN) reports that divorces can also be influenced by age. If you have a five-year age gap, there’s an 18 percent chance of divorce compared to a three percent chance for couples who have a single year age difference. The percentages rise as age gaps widen between couples, with couples who are 20 years a part divorcing at a 90 percent rate.
It is also reported that despite the statistical research, it does not mean long-lasting marriages are healthy or happy. HNGN says many marriages stay intact because of financial, religious, ethnic or child-rearing reasons.
Mary J. Blige Says She Doesn’t Have Male Friends And Kendu Isn’t Allowed To Have Female Friends: “I’ve Never Seen That Work”
A couple of weeks ago, we introduced our new segment, Is This Petty?, which raises questions about different issues that arise in dating and relationships. Our first entry questioned whether or not it’s petty for people to ask that their partners not make friends of the opposite sex. Interestingly, songstress Mary J. Blige recently weighed in on that very topic during an interview with Stella magazine and the Queen of Hip Hop Soul says that she’s not here for any of it.
“All females for me, all guys for him,” she expressed. “There’s none of that, ‘Oh, that’s my female friend. Oh, that’s my guy friend.’ No, not in a marriage, I’ve never seen that work.”
Mary also opened up about never birthing children, but seeing her husband, Kendu Isaacs’ three kids as her own.
“I was never sitting around [thinking], ‘Oh God, I want a baby.’ No. And then these very special kids came along and it was like they were tailor made for me to be their stepmom.
“I’ve known the younger two since they were babies, so they really are my family,” Mary continued.
She also expressed how much married life has changed her.
“Being a single person and an artist, there’s a lot of selfishness that you don’t even know you have. Being a wife, it’s not all about me.”
Check out Mary’s full interview here.
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise.
There’s no secret to getting and staying married. But you do have to work at it. And the best time to start is before you tie the knot. Divorce-proof your marriage while you’re still dating and when you do jump the broom, it’s more likely to be forever.
Wait To Tie The Knot
Love at fist sight is a beautiful thing, but couples who wait three years or more to get engaged are 39% less likely to get divorced.
Could acting like a wife before he puts a ring on it be keeping you from getting married? Some women who want to head down the aisle say “yes.” It’s fun to play house with the man you love, but these women say that abstainging from these wifely duties will help him decide whether he wants to commit much sooner.
If you’re planning on getting married, there’s plenty of time for making it work when things get rough. But if you’re being bugged by a deal beaker, don’t be afraid to let it go. If you’e only going to commit to one man for the rest of your life, better make sure it’s right.
Relationships are never easy to navigate because of the rollercoaster of emotions that come with trying to maintain that healthy balance of love, compromise and commitment. Some of us are better at juggling the elements than others but at the end of the day, like everything else in life, it boils down to hard work and dedication.
Being able to give yourself to someone in a selfless manner requires the most basic instinct that is inherently in all of us but sometimes gets buried in an attempt to exercise a level of control or because we don’t have the ability to be generously sacrificial.
If the “honeymoon” phase is over and things are rapidly disintegrating, you can either jump ship or stick around for the rebound. Living in an age that encourages flighty connections and disingenuous attachments thanks to the digital era, the ability to focus on one thing at a time has become a major challenge. We are now conditioned to always anticipate something better coming along, and that can affect our ability to commit to our relationships in a meaningful way.
But if you are truly in it for the long haul – there are ways to save your relationship as opposed to sabotaging it. You can start by finding a nicer way to point out your partner’s mistakes. Constantly barraging him with the things he did wrong tends to leave a sour taste in his mouth and will ultimately push him away. Nobody wants to be around someone who spends majority of the time making them feel inadequate. Constructive criticism is valuable every now and then, but if you are habitually judging your man, he will run into the arms of someone who validates him in ways you refuse to. Another major hindrance is the habit of mockery or relying on hostility as a form of communication. This is a very common feature in most relationships and it is also the most damaging. We get to a place where our frustrations give way to a growing contempt for the person we supposedly love. If we are unable to keep this at a minimum, it may be time for an extended break or you could both do the work in order to figure out why those feelings are consistent. Either way, you have to remove yourself from the unhealthy regimen of making your partner feel like his very presence makes you feel uncontrollably disgusted.
Another item on the list of queries is the instinctual need to be defensive. We can’t help but regulate the blame to someone else, especially when we feel cornered. If our relationship is unstable, the best way to get at the heart of the matter is to investigate your own contribution to the issue instead of heaping all the blame on the other person. If both of you are invested, that translates into a partnership. You both have to accept responsibility for the successes and failures. If you are unwilling to take ownership of your mistakes, you are basically making a bad situation worse which means there will be no resolve. In order to encourage a positive outcome to an ongoing conflict, you have to be open to the idea of giving your partner the respect he deserves by listening to his side. You have to be able to accommodate his concerns while also being equally expressive. That is the only way you can both reach a mutual agreement.
Lastly, the death of a relationship is encouraged by your disengagement. Often times, we get to a place where we have exhausted every option, and we are completely uninterested in being emotionally present or active. Once you have mentally checked out, that signals the beginning of the end. If you want to ensure that you both stand a chance, you have to make the effort to be open and emotionally available. Closing yourself off will make it difficult for your partner to re-connect with you and convince him that you are no longer interested in sharing your life with him.
Relationships can be rewarding and stimulating but in order to reap the benefits, you have to work hard and be diligent. Fairy tales are for dreamers, in the real world, nothing comes from nothing – and that’s a fact.