All Articles Tagged "marriage"
By Huffington Post, From YourTango
A man logged his wife’s rejective responses to his advances from June 3 to July 16 …on an Excel spreadsheet. While we admire his organization, can you imagine receiving something like this? On the way to the airport, no less?
That’s what happened to the Reddit user who posted her husband’’ passive aggressive spreadsheet to the site.
Is this behavior acceptable? Read on at YourTango.com
Before we get too far into this conversation let’s remember that people shouldn’t feel the pressure of societal norms to make decisions in their personal lives. I’ve met several men and women who aren’t married and don’t desire to be married at any point in their life. I think I speak for everyone when I say that people who don’t want to be married should stay away from all people who do want to get married.
That won’t stop confusion from mounting over trying to reach a level of understanding around marriage in relationships, though. Most people don’t want to waste their time and, sadly, most people aren’t forthright with their longterm relationship plans. There are several people who end up dating a man for years only to find out in the end he doesn’t see her as the one for him long term. Many of these women wish they could’ve found this out early on and never wasted their time, but the reality is these men typically leave signs. And, truthfully, it’s not that hard to see them.
Many women put themselves in positions where they don’t want to see certain behavior for what it is or trust peoples words, but I can save you some time and heartache. If a man never mentions marriage, he isn’t interested in it. If he never mentions marriage with you, he isn’t interested in marrying you.
Despite the simplicity of those statements, people still tell lies and their actions almost never line up. If you’ve found yourself in a situation as such, here are three signs he’s not interested in marriage:
- He chooses quantity, but not quality as it pertains to you – He may spend a lot of time with you. He may spend a lot of money on you. However, he’s reluctant to give you the genuine interactions that lead you to believe he wants you to be a part of his inner circle. He doesn’t introduce you to his close friends, he hasn’t introduced you to his family, and/or he doesn’t spend important days with you.
- He still considers it “you and him” and not “us.” – One of the easiest ways to tell whether he’s planning for a future together is to pay attention to the way he words things. Anybody can talk a good game but they always slip up. I know for a fact that most men can’t keep a charade going forever. Sooner or later, either in his words or his actions, you realize there is no “us,” it’s just two individuals choosing to spend time together. It is at this point that you should bail as soon as possible.
- He still keeps secrets – If he’s still reluctant to let you into his private space then he’s not planning on ever marrying you. A few things I think truly builds the foundation of a marriage is truth, honesty and openness. These secrets may not even affect you or hurt your feelings but what they do is draw your attention to the fact that he has them. It may be things that he tells you he only feels comfortable sharing with his immediate family or closest friends but if he’s planning on marrying you, that’s part of his responsibility. (Full disclosure: There are several men who marry women and continue to keep secrets anyway; I’m just offering up a sign that he may not even try and marry you.)
All in all, you’ll have to make your own decisions. You’ll have to judge a man’s character and actions for yourself. You also may come to the conclusion that he isn’t’ trying to marry you and you’re perfectly okay with that. However, if you’re dating for purpose and you’re not getting what you want out of the situation then you should move on expeditiously. Don’t waste too much time in a flawed relationship that you know will never give you what you truly want. You’re better off moving on than staying in a relationship and trying to convince someone to do something they really don’t want to do.
Gabrielle Union Sets The Ground Rules For Guests Attending Wedding Next Month: ‘Photo IDs Will Be Required’
Gabrielle Union has already expressed that many of the people sitting around expecting to receive an invitation to her wedding to Dwyane Wade probably won’t be getting one. At this point, those close to the couple are probably already aware of who’s in and who’s out. Recently, those lucky enough to make the cut were made hip to the rules of the engagement when they received their official wedding invites. It appears that Gabby and Dwyane are running a pretty tight ship.
The invitation was accompanied by a letter from the couple, revealing what will not be allowed at the ceremony in order to protect their privacy. Ironically, the letter and the invite were both leaked to TMZ. The note reads:
To our family and friends,
We are looking forward to sharing this very special day with you. For the comfort of our guests and to protect our privacy, no cameras or cell phones will be permitted at the party. Also, photo IDs will be required for all guests. Gentlemen, formal attire in black; ladies, we would love to see you in formal white.
Transportation to and from the party venue will be provided from the [redacted]. Buses will depart promptly at 9:45pm from the North-North entrance of the hotel; please arrive at least 30 minutes prior to departure to process through security. If you choose to drive yourself, please call [number omitted] hours prior to the event at [address omitted] for directions to the venue (located approximately 45 to 50 minutes south of South Beach). Once on-site, you should allow at least 30 minutes to process through security at the venue.
We thank you in advance for your understanding and cooperation. See you soon!
Love, Gab and Dwyane
As previously reported, the ceremony is set to take place August 30 in Miami.
The countdown begins!
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This is a trigger warning. The following article may cause severe distress to the victims of sexual assault.
Cynthia’s marital rape nightmare began around 1996.
For the first year of her marriage Cynthia of New Hampshire had no problems with her husband. He was prone to angry fits, but nothing seemed overly outside the norm. When the two had an argument in their second year of marriage her ex-husband hit her, and Cynthia left.
Initially, her ex-husband was extremely apologetic. He sent her flowers, promised never to do such a thing again, etc. Upon returning home he began petitioning Cynthia for sex. Still hurt over the incident, Cynthia refused despite continuously more aggressive requests from her ex.
“When I forcefully told him no, he just knocked me down from the edge of the bed where we were sitting, held me down to the floor, and forcefully had sex with me, even though I was crying telling him to get off and stop,” said Cynthia. “He did say, ‘You are my wife, you can’t say no’. He truly believed that. At the time I didn’t think it was ‘rape’, I was married, I loved him, but it made me feel hurt, angry, disrespected and sad. He actually thought it was so funny that I was so mad and locked myself in the bathroom to shower and cry after.”
Months of regular married life would pass between the couple, to be followed by a cycle of arguments used as an excuse to rape Cynthia. Having been abducted and raped at gunpoint at the age of 16 by a stranger, she still had a hard time equating her rape at the hands of her husband to what she considered ‘real rape’. Eventually, she came to terms with the assault against her and left.
“It is so undermining to self-worth to have so someone who is supposed to love and cherish you, invade your body,” said Cynthia. “Being in a normal loving, respectful relationship now, makes me wish I could have known then, not to waste another minute.”
Read more about marital rape at YourTango.com
By Christine Wilke,Ed.S,LMFT, For YourTango
Being a Marriage and Family Therapist and being married can be a double-edged sword. You have access to cutting edge tools and techniques, so you are expected to always use them faithfully. Well, things don’t always run as smoothly as they should, especially in situations like the one that happened last night…
My husband and I were having a “discussion” about a heated issue, and I felt myself becoming really angry with him. Did I immediately use one of the techniques I teach in my workshop? Uhh, no. All I could think of were the many reasons why I had the right to be angry. I felt totally justified. To top it off, when we were “discussing” the situation, I heard myself uttering those dreaded words “always” and “never.” That fight or flight response was in full gear. I was stuck in my immediate reaction and struck by the realization that, in that very moment, I was doing none of the things I teach my clients to do—things I know really work.
This was a very humbling experience, of course, and it was yet another reminder of how very challenging it can be to have a great marriage. I suddenly felt an even more profound admiration and respect for my clients as they diligently work to make their marriages thrive.
My “Aha!” moment came when I realized that I have a choice. I don’t have to stumble down that rocky road of anger and unhappiness, AND I have a reservoir of the tools I teach my clients that I can use right here and right now. “The point of power is always in the present moment.”—that’s what I teach in my workshop. I know that the tools I give my clients to use really work. The challenging part is putting them to work when it matters the most, like when your emotions are running high and it’s hard to think clearly. I stepped back from the situation because I realized that what I was doing wasn’t getting me what I wanted. Then I gave myself that all-important time out. This respite gave me the opportunity to settle my mind and think more clearly about the situation, thus creating that crucial pause between the situation and my reaction to it. This is the fertile ground from which choice emerges.
Read more about fighting fair at YourTango.com
By Melanie Gorman, For YourTango,
If you’ve ever worried about where you and your partner are heading or whether the love you share will survive the many hurtles thrown your way, you’re not alone. Limiting yourself to falling in and out of love without ever allowing yourself the option to stop and really think about everything going on will only harm you in the long run. No matter how sturdy your physical or emotional connection is, there’s no question that great relationships take a lot of work. That doesn’t mean that the key to staying in love is a mystery; in fact, according to science, it actually makes perfect sense.
Joined by YourTango Experts Senior VP Melanie Gorman and EFT trainers Elana Katz, Zoya Simakhodoskaya, and George Faller, author Dr. Sue Johnson touches on the science behind maintaining a long-term happy and healthy relationship. In Love Sense, Johnson stresses the point that love is not just about sacrificing your happiness by forcing yourself to deal with endless arguments for the sake of protecting your precious bond; it goes even deeper than that.
Read more on how to stay in love at YourTango.com
A couple of weeks ago, we reported about Ciara covering Brides magazine. Well, right after the phone shoot, she sat down with E Online to talk about meeting Future and how she wasn’t expecting to find love when they first met. During the interview, recalling their first meeting her eyes starting watering as she remembered how gentle he was.
I was in a place of self reflection and trying to find my groove as a woman. With love, I was kinda like, ‘You know what? I’m gonna really close that door off and if something hits me, it just has to hit me.’
So I was hearing him and the conversation was amazing and we [were] just talking and he was so sweet and he was so gentle. Ahh! I don’t know why I’m getting emotional. He was just really, really a sweetheart. So either way…I don’t know why I’m getting emotional right now.
I wasn’t looking at him for that part of life. Like I wasn’t looking at him to look for love. Just like meeting an amazing person, we’re gonna work together, have a good time. But I had a double take at one point in time and I was like, ‘This guy is really handsome. He’s really cute. He’s really tall!’ You don’t know what to expect when you meet somebody, but I’m looking at him and I’m thinking like, “Wow!”
Past years have been like the most unexpected happiness that has happened in my life. I also put in the universe what I wanted so I have to say I feel good that the things that I asked for or spoke on are continuing to come true.
I’m looking forward to just building and growing old with my fiance — err — husband. Because I’m the only child, I love kids so much and I love family and love being around people that I really love.
That’s really beautiful and I hope things work out for Ciara and Future and their son.
For some time now, rumors have been circulating that Phaedra is on the brink of leaving her husband, Apollo Nida. And now that he has officially been sentenced to 8 years in prison, the subtle signs that a divorce may be coming have become difficult to simply ignore and sweep under the rug. For one, the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” star was visibly absent from Apollo’s sentencing hearing a couple of days ago.
Shortly following the sentencing, co-star Kandi Burruss was asked about her friend and Kandi expressed that Phaedra was doing “great” in the wake of the sentencing.
“Phaedra’s doing great. She’s basically working. That’s how I deal with things too; when I have a lot going on, I just put more into work,” Kandi said. “I know that she’s promoting her book and doing the book tour and stuff like that and she’s not really trying to focus as much on what’s happening.”
Since the sentencing, Apollo also took to Twitter and posed an interesting question.
I got a question ??? Who will ride with me?? Thanks
; APOLLO NIDA RHOA (@apollonida03) July 10, 2014
We’re kind of wondering the same thing. Since news leaked regarding the charges being brought against him, the million dollar question has been whether or not Phaedra will stick with him through another stay in the slammer. Sadly, this seems to be a question that Apollo may not know the answer to either.
“I think that we have lost sight of the true picture, which is that we did take an oath to God and we did build a family and a brand. Whatever has come of this reality fiasco, we have had two beautiful children, and at the end of the day, I only wish her the best,” Apollo said back in April. “I can’t say if it [our marriage] is going to last. But I hope that it does…I definitely love her. I’ve grown to love her more.”
This is such a tough predicament to be in.
Not long ago I was having a conversation with a friend about why men date younger women. She suggested that men are worried that older women (age 30 and over) must have some type of inherent flaw. I said I could only agree to some extent. Having dated older and younger women, I can say there are benefits to dating both, but being older isn’t an indication that you may be flawed.
The fact of the matter is that most men who are wondering what’s wrong with said woman are probably over 30 themselves. Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black? It’s also assuming that she’s been actively trying to get married or seek out a relationship throughout her twenties. That’s something that in our day and time may not hold true. Plenty of women choose to focus on things outside of a relationship and marriage. It also assumes that she wasn’t in a long-term relationship that ended because of compatibility issues. She’s not single because she’s flawed but because she realized that the man she was dating wasn’t who she wanted to be with for the rest of her life.
I’d like to tell you that with age comes maturity but that’s not true. I’ve met 35-year-old women who were just as immature as an 18-year old woman. I’ve met women who were 22 and wise beyond their years. It’s really hit or miss. What I can tell you, though, is that while I know men who wonder about a woman’s age, I think it’s rather silly. When I think of all the things I’m factoring into picking a mate, her age isn’t one of the highest items. It’s actually very secondary in nature. I’m searching for compatibility, mutual interests/goals and the desire to build something worthwhile. If that comes with a woman who is ten years my senior, then so be it. Any man who’s wrecking his brain trying to figure out if her age is a precursor of flaws is wasting his time on things that aren’t all that important.
Currently, about 15% of women are older than their spouses. That number is rising because gender dynamics and paths in life are morphing in the 21st Century. There are more people who realize that in today’s society it’s better to focus on a great match that won’t end in divorce rather than age and I would expect that in a short amount of time that 15% will rise considerably. What this means is that all the men who are still putting too much thought into a woman’s age are becoming archaic.
Therefore, just like I say with many other “unconventional” happenings in relationships and marriage, what works for you works for you. Nobody has to be in your relationship but you. As men mature they understand this more than they did when they were young. They understand that it takes much more than your age to determine compatibility. And you should know that too.
Just months after her split from Bradley Cooper, Zoe Saldana secretly married Marco Perego. During a recent interview with Fashion magazine, the “Star Trek” actress revealed that while she didn’t necessarily intend to get hitched right after her breakup from Bradley, Marco came along at the perfect time.
“I was finally able to spend time without being in a relationship,” the rumored mom-to-be said. “And even though, it was a short period of time, it was beautiful. Where I lost that fear of being alone. It was bliss. Then I met my partner when I was in really a beautiful place in my life.”
Apparently, it was also a time of discovery and revelation.
“It was like I found all my answers with him not in him. I was finding my answers on my own.”
As for what makes Marco so different from her past loves, Zoe had this to say:
“When you are desired and you desire, so many things in your life start to make sense. We both feel we are artists in our core. One moment you’re up; the next moment you’re down. It all depends. You can sell a collection; you might not sell the next collection. It’s like an actor–you get cast or you don’t.”
Just a couple of weeks ago, pregnancy rumors about the newlywed began circulating. However, those rumors were not addressed in this interview. I suppose we’ll have to stay tuned to see whether or not the rumors are true.
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise