All Articles Tagged "marriage"
They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but I think the same can also be said for women. There is something very sexy about a man who can throw down in the kitchen. Even if he can’t (and can barely boil an egg), the attempts to do so are always appreciated.
That’s why Nina Westbrook, the beautiful wife of NBA player Russell Westbrook, just had to share video of her handsome hubby attempting to prepare dinner. He looked a little confused at times, but with Nina offering her input, he was able to get a pretty good start on their meal — or at sort out the basic dry ingredients.
We’re loving watching these NBA players cater to their wives during the off-season (or in Westbrook’s case, during the preseason). If you’ll recall, we were all just swooning over Steph and Ayesha Curry after she recorded him helping her take out her weave.
As for the Westbrooks, they’re college sweethearts. They married in August of 2015 and just celebrated their one-year wedding anniversary.
They met while he played for UCLA’s men’s basketball team and she played for the women’s team. She supports him during Thunder games, and when Nina plays rec-league basketball, Russell also shows up for her games. Talk about a real-life love and basketball situation!
A Cosmopolitan reader saw the highest form of disrespect at a wedding recently and decided to write to advice columnist Logan Hill about what she should do.
“My boyfriend and I went to our good friend’s wedding about two weeks ago. At the reception, at about the time when everyone starts loading up on free cocktails, my boyfriend and I saw a few things that didn’t sit right with me. The groom, we’ll call him Jeff, was standing and talking to some family members near the bar. A girl, we’ll call her Britney, came up to Jeff from behind and placed her arm around his waist, letting it fall across his butt and cup his butt cheek. Britney straight up held her hand on his a– for way too long, and it was not a friendly butt-grabbing,” the Cosmo reader wrote. After witnessing the butt grab, the reader’s boyfriend explained that Britney was Jeff’s ex who’s still in love with him and upset that he married someone else.
Throughout the night, the reader said she observed Britney hugging the Groom from the behind and behaving as though she was the Bride. The reader explained: “We continued to see Britney grab at Jeff throughout the night, clearly in a way that screams she wants him. I am decent friends with the bride, but I don’t know if we’re close enough that I would feel comfortable telling her what I saw and risk upsetting her. It’s very clear that she doesn’t like Britney — we didn’t see them speak once the entire night. Who would want their boyfriend’s ex at their wedding anyway? My boyfriend said he would talk to Jeff about it. I know the bride would be upset, but I think she has a right to know.”
Personally, I think the Bride has the right to know as well. However, columnist Logan Hill says otherwise. In a very interesting response, Hill told the Cosmo reader that the Groom probably didn’t want to make a scene and that’s why he allowed another woman who’s not his wife, hug and grope him. “In the worst-case scenario, there’s something shady going on between the two of them, which your boyfriend will be able to suss out better than you. But remember that the groom didn’t seem react in any way. I think it’s more likely that the groom was annoyed by his ex and didn’t want to make a scene—and let her steal any of the shine from his big day with his bride,” he said.
I barely believe in the “there’s a time and place for everything” type of tact, especially in this scenario. The Groom not only disrespected his wife but also his marriage on the same day he vowed his life to her. Let’s call a thing, a thing; the Groom wanted this sort of attention from his ex because he invited her to his wedding and never reprimanded her flirtation towards him. I would say that the Cosmo reader should tell the Bride — although telling someone their spouse is behaving inappropriately is like playing with a double-edged sword. Some people appreciate the information while others will make you public enemy number one for revealing that their marriage doesn’t live up to the fantasy they’ve created.
Either way, Columnist Hill receives a major side-eye for believing the Groom “just brushed off his ex.” Instead, he co-signed her lack of boundaries with silence.
Read the full story, here and tell us how you would respond to this trife situation.
While appearing as a guest on Chelsea Handler’s Netflix talk show, Chelsea, he joked about being off the market and Handler missing her chance to lock him down when she opted for 50 Cent instead. But Hart also got serious when speaking on doing things differently the second time around after admittedly messing up his first marriage to Torrei Hart. He previously told Oprah in 2014 that “I did wrong” by cheating on her.
“Yes, I’ve been married. I’m divorced,” Kevin said. “I was young in my first marriage. Chelsea, I’m not ashamed to say it. I got married at the age of 22. I was still all over the place. I didn’t really understand the definition of marriage so I wasn’t ready for it. I take responsibility. I can say I messed my first marriage up. I’m man enough to say that. And at the same time, that was when I was in the prime of my sexy, so don’t blame me. Don’t blame me! That’s when I was figuring it out.”
Kevin said that despite wrecking his past marriage, he’s currently in a great place with Torrei and happier than ever.
“I will say that me and my ex-wife, regardless of the problems we went through, we’re in an amazing place now, he said. “We’re friends, we’re great parents, we’re co-parents, but we have a relationship. Now that I’ve moved on and I met somebody else, to make this step was a big step. It took me some time. It took seven years. And then I was like, ‘You know what? She deserves it because I can’t just keep letting this wrong around free. That’s not fair to her. I got to lock this up.’ I’m talking about my body, that’s what I’m talking about [laughs]. So I proposed and I can honestly say I’m happy. I’m in love. I found a good woman, and this time I’m going to do it properly. I’m going to do it right. But I’m ready. I’m 37 now.”
It’s good to see Kevin happy, and it’s also really great to see he and Torrei, as well as Eniko, all getting along well these days. Torrei was actually there to support the comedian, standing alongside Eniko, as he was honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Monday.
They’ve all definitely come a long way.
This past weekend, the hashtag #ForeverDuncan went viral. It brought many of us joy and had us crafting our own #relationshipgoals in our minds. As we previously reported, “on October 1, 2016, Alfred decided to do something special for Sherrell. Alfred, a Grammy and Emmy nominated artist, proposed to Sherrell, a fitness trainer and speaker, at noon and married her at 5 p.m. in National Harbor, Maryland.”
Because of Alfred’s lavish and grand gesture, we started thinking about all of the other couples whose love we love and who make us continuously believe in the power of it. Two is definitely better than one! Take a look at our favorite pictures of couples who’ve shared their story via social media. They are getting engaged, expecting a baby, tying the knot or just enjoying each other’s company and giving us serious #relationshipgoals. Love is a beautiful thing, ladies and gents.
First, let’s quickly touch on what common law marriage is. It has many names, depending on where you live, like a marriage by habit or an informal marriage. No matter what it’s called, it is the concept that you—as a couple—receive many if not all of the same rights as a couple who holds a marriage license, is registered with the city, and held a civil or religious ceremony. As the name marriage by habit implies, a common law marriage naturally occurs when a couple leads a certain lifestyle—like when they have lived under the same roof and been together for X amount of years. In many cases, should this couple split up, they’ll need to follow many of the legal proceedings that a formally married couple does because they’ve earned certain rights over the years. Here are myths and facts about common law marriage.
Myth: The entire U.S. recognizes it
Many people go through life believing that, should they simply live with their partner for X amount of years (the typical number is seven) that they’ll be in a common law marriage. But, in fact, not all states recognize this type of marriage.
Some women just have it. “It” being that bold sense of self that allows them to set guys straight early on in a relationship. Take a former classmate of mine for example.
I just ran into her at our beloved Veronica Wells’s Bettah Days book launch party. I heard through the grapevine that she had just gotten engaged the week prior and congratulated her, welcoming her into the stressful wife-to-be club. I asked her about her future husband and how long they had been together. She told me it had been less than two years. When I asked her if she saw the proposal coming, she might as well have said, “You bet your sweet a– I knew!”
“Oh yeah, girl. I told him a year into our relationship that I’m not the kind of woman who’s going to be your girlfriend for like five years,” she said. “I told him what I was looking for and said that if he wasn’t looking for the same thing, I wouldn’t waste time.”
While some women make their plans plain and clear, a lot of us wait (and wait…and wait…) and hope that the men in our lives will realize how special we are and step up sooner rather than later. Sometimes that doesn’t happen. Sometimes you end up in a relationship with a man for six years and don’t get the proposal you’ve been waiting on. In one woman’s case, who shared her story on a popular wedding website, her spouse said he saw her as someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with early on in their relationship. He was doing well for himself, made good money, and had a stable life — but still hadn’t proposed after six years. Our friend kept waiting and let the resentment build. Her dissatisfaction grew so much that it literally caused her to start looking at her spouse much differently and “emotionally let it destroy me.” She initially hinted about a proposal, then they had to sit down and really talk about it. He made it seem like a proposal was coming soon.
“Well… eventually I gave up,” she said. “I started thinking of him differently, and sometimes would feel angry when he was around. I didn’t like being intimate with him anymore. I still enjoyed his company, and we had fun together. I still loved him, but in a different way.”
As it turns out, he eventually proposed (the weekend before her post), and did so in a pretty romantic way by cooking her dinner and popping the question by the fireplace. She loved the ring. She loved him. But she was so scarred by the waiting game she had been put through that, you guessed it, she told him she couldn’t marry him. In the end, it seems that waiting so long not only built resentment, but showed her that maybe he wasn’t the right man for her.
“Men don’t realize the pain that waiting can cause,” she concluded.
I had never read anything like that. In retrospect, though, it made sense. It’s almost like a friend saying and saying and saying they’re going to do something, and when they finally act like they can make the time and care enough to follow through, you don’t even want to be bothered anymore. I can see how continuously being told that you’re the one someone wants and will propose to, and then not seeing any sign of that happening, can literally make you sick. It becomes a game. Every holiday becomes a nerve-wracking one as you wait and wonder if the the gift under the tree will be a ring; if during Thanksgiving dinner with family he will get down on one knee and pop the question; if he will make a big scene on Valentine’s Day. It’s terrible. My sister’s good friend was with a man for more than 10 years (they started dating in high school) and found herself playing that game until she eventually gave up on the relationship.
Still, it’s all complicated. I think it pays to have a plan like my former classmate who was proposed to recently, while also knowing how to be easy. It’s important to go into a relationship with your intentions made clear and mind right. If you don’t want to be a girlfriend for forever and day, say so. If he can’t see himself wanting to settle down if the relationship is right within a few years, you have to figure out whether or not you are willing to get up and go find what you’re looking for. But at the same time, is that all we’re going into relationships looking for nowadays? Do some of us want the nurturing and loving relationship with a genuinely good person or just want a proposal to say we were able to get one?
I know a girl who was proposed to right after their one-year anniversary. She wanted to be engaged so bad. When it was finally time to field questions about dates, bonding with his family and taking the next step, she realized the man she was about to marry wasn’t the right fit and left him heartbroken a year later. Oh, and she kept the ring.
I say that to say that if you go into a situation ticking down the clock in preparation for a proposal, rather than learning, loving and growing with a person and just letting things run their course, you are tripping about this waiting game. But in the case of this particular woman, while I think she should have picked up and left rather than allowing things to get so bad that her stomach turned at the idea of her significant other, I also believe six years was too long after he said early on he wanted to marry her. Still, I guess it was for the best. Had he not made her wait, she wouldn’t have realized she was waiting for the wrong man…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is this petty? If a guy says he thinks you’re the one, how long is too long to wait for him to propose?
“It’ll just be me and my boo against the world,” my co-worker stated. She said this before proceeding to provide an unsolicited explanation of why she thought she had to choose her new man over her long-time girlfriends. “At some point, you have to make a choice,” she said. “I don’t want to be single like all of them, and so, you have to choose.”
But do you? Should you ever have to choose your man over your friends? And if you do, when is the appropriate time?
“What would you do?” she asked me, disregarding the fact that I was single and didn’t have to make such a decision. I initially thought she sounded like a naïve, crazy person; but then I had to consider what “choosing” actually meant.
To choose means to select one thing over the other. I’m sure there are times when a woman would choose a date night with her man over happy hour with her girls; but what about special occasions? What about when your friends don’t get along with your man and vice versa? Should you have to “choose” where your loyalty lies?
“I think ideally you shouldn’t have to choose,” my married friend said when I asked for her input. I figured I should ask someone who wasn’t in a new situation like my co-worker. “I feel like if all parties are mature, friends will understand when a relationship is growing and moving forward. They’ll know when to step aside. By the same token, your man will know as well.”
She also added that a good man would actually encourage your friendships. I concur. Seriously, what man (in his right mind) doesn’t want you to have friends and wants you to hang out with him, and only him? I’ll wait…
It’s not healthy. Women need friendships, just as men do. Your mate can’t give you what valuable friendships can provide. And your friends can’t replace your partner. There are places and should be spaces for both.
Another one of my single friends admitted that things change once a friend marries. Though she’s never walked down the aisle, she assumes that friendships will change, but shouldn’t end.
“Once I get married, I know that I won’t tell my girls everything about my man because he and I should be as one,” she said. “But I also know that I still want to keep my friendships and spend quality time with my friends.”
As I always say, there is no one-size-fits-all relationship advice. Everyone’s situation is different. Some women can find the time to juggle friends and their partner without things changing. Others? Not so much. There isn’t anything wrong with friendships slightly shifting when a woman gets into a relationship. But there is a problem when she ditches friends she’s been around for years for a man she recently met.
Here was my question to my co-worker: Because you just met this guy, if it doesn’t work out, would that experience be worth losing your friends over? Her response confirmed what I initially thought about her being a naïve, crazy person: “It’s going to work out,” she said.
“Oh,” was all that I could say without sounding rude.
Clearly, she was a hopeless romantic who didn’t value her friendships with the women she’d known for years because she found herself a man she’d known for months. However, the consensus of reasonable women I spoke with all agreed that even if relationships change, they shouldn’t be abandoned. Just as many women don’t want to be single forever, most also don’t want to be friendless. Why should you have to choose?
When, if ever, should you choose your man over your friends? Or is it something that you should never have to do?
For the last few months, my period has been doing what it wants to do. While it used to come at the end of the month, it’s started moving backwards and becoming an even bigger pain than usual. I went to Barbados last month and even though it was supposed to come a few days after I landed, on the 23rd, it came the morning I was set to fly out.
I had errands to run last week to gather things for my wedding, and before I knew it, there my period was, a day early, on the 22nd, causing me to make a mess on myself far away from my house and a slew of feminine hygiene products. And now, based on my calculations, my next period should make its presence known on October 21 — the day of my wedding. For some people, that may not be a big deal, but the way my period is set up…
I don’t want to worry about leakage (especially not as I wear white), bad cramps, or bloating on one of the biggest days of my life. So I’ve been thinking about getting back on the pill to halt it — at least for next month. However, I’m feeling a little conflicted. Okay, a lot.
When I told my fiancé about my idea, he wasn’t crazy about it. “I’ve heard that stuff can throw things off,” he said, in reference to my cycle. “If it comes on the wedding day, it comes. That’s okay. We’ll deal with it.” We meaning just me. Plus, he’s not the consummate-the-marriage-during-the-heaviest-part-of-your-period type, so I could see it being a pretty dry wedding night.
And then there are the side effects of taking pills that I’m not interested in dealing with. From the weight gain to the change in mood, it was a lot to handle the first time around. Once I got off of birth control pills, it took a while for my period to return to a consistent schedule. When it found a regular timetable, my period was three days longer than before I started taking the pill.
Not to mention that when I did some reading online to see what women had to say about trying to dodge their period for their wedding day, there were a lot of people saying getting back on birth control just to avoid an inconvenient menstrual cycle is a bad idea for your body. And considering that I’m running low on time, it may not shift in the way that I’m hoping, so I could be messing with my system for naught.
If I choose to forgo the pill and deal with what comes, I have heard good things about the menstrual cup. On the Ever After Guide, the menstrual cup was recommended as an option if your period shows up unexpectedly on your wedding day. They can even be inserted prior to sex so as not to interrupt wedding night plans. A woman in my choir even called such a product a “lifesaver,” so that could also be an option. But I’ve also heard bad things, particularly about the removal process, so it could be more complicated than I’m thinking. I do have some time to practice, though.
All in all, I don’t know what to do. I hate the idea of worrying about my period on an already stressful day. As uncomfortable as my cramps can get and as heavy as my flow can be, I already know that I don’t want to be bothered. I want to dance carefree! I don’t want to worry about changing in and out of different products throughout what is sure to be a long day. I want to be beautiful! Damn being bloated. My preoccupation with my wedding day being as close to perfect of a day as possible has me considering all of my options.
I do have an appointment at the end of this week to figure out what my next step should be, and I’m interested in hearing my OBGYN’s honest opinion. I know that starting my period on my wedding day wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, but when your Aunt Flo comes with all the stank attitude and pangs that mine usually does, it’s definitely an inconvenience I want no parts of. At least for one very important day in my life.
Attention Fellas! You never would have guessed it, but Wife Appreciation Day (yes, it’s apparently a real holiday) is right around the corner (September 18). While your lady love probably has no idea that it’s a thing, and you could probably skate by without having to acknowledge it at all, why not surprise her with something nice?To aid you on your quest for the perfect Wife Appreciation Day gift, we’ve compiled a list of some of the best ways to show your appreciation on this day.
I owe non-working, trophy wives and girlfriends an apology. Though I’ve never been one to label every woman afforded the opportunity not to work for a living because of her involvement with a financially stable man a golddigger, I have typically been one to say, “that could never be me.” But the way my life is set up now — I’m thinking it probably could, at least for a little bit.
Having already been there, done that, and kept the therapy receipts from my quarter-life crisis, six years later I’m having just the darnedest time reconciling the fact that, despite doing exactly what I said I wanted to do, where I wanted to do it, and when I wanted to do it, I. still. don’t. want. to. work. I don’t exactly want to be wholly dependent on a man either — not that one has shown up and offered to take me away from it all or anything (if you know somebody, let me know). But the reality is the fiscal vulnerability that goes along with having a sugar daddy can be quite a hefty price to pay in the long run. And yet I still have moments of shortsightedness when I think, is trying to survive all on my own worth more than that? I have a co-worker who has a friend who came up with a label to describe this conundrum I find myself in from time to time: wanting to be a kept feminist. That’s what ol’ girl says she’s trying to be and, dammit, it sounds pretty good to me too.
A kept feminist, as I understand it — and have worked out in the most idyllic way in my mind — is a woman who works but doesn’t have to work. You know, like a woman who doesn’t work to live but lives to work (for a few hours a day on something she’s really passionate about). As a writer, I feel like this make-believe lifestyle was thought up just for people in my profession, and in my dream scenario it goes a little something like this. Man meets me, man falls in love with me, man sees that “I just wanna write” (like all writers say). Man says “Then babe, you should.” Man sees “What you talkin’ ’bout Willis” look on my face as I proclaim “But I have bills!” Man looks at me and says “I got this,” like Big telling Carrie he’s buying the penthouse apartment with the tiny closet in the Sex & The City movie. Man tells me despite appreciating my offer to keep the house spotless and his stomach full and penis empty every day and night (because that’s the kind of outlandish stuff you say you’ll do in exchange for generosity like this — even if you have no intention of doing it), he just wants me to “be happy” and “do me” because he makes enough money for the both of us. Man wins my still somewhat-independent heart forever and ever.
A girl can dream right? Quitting a job and letting a man take care of me doesn’t have to be a nightmare, right? If I were Carrie Bradshaw, who already defied the odds making enough money to live on the east side of Manhattan writing one relationship column per week, that answer could possibly be yes. But, again, the way my life is set up…probs not gonna shake out like that.
Here’s the thing: When I say I don’t want to work, I don’t mean I just want to frolic on the beach all day — although I have stated on more than one occasion if I was a socialite I would live in the gym and soup kitchens (volunteering not scoring more free meals). But if I became so fortunate as to not have to support myself financially I would still do something to generate income. And then I would keep that income for myself should things ever go left with this non-existent sugar daddy from heaven I’ve concocted in my mind. And as I securely stacked my coins, I would bask in the glow of keptdom and experience that “When you love what you do (and money is no object) you’ll never work a day in your life” phenomenon motivational speakers who earn hundreds of thousands of dollars each year tell people is possible. Of course that also means no turning up to “I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T.” anymore should I find myself on the wrong side of a club’s entry door, and having to actually follow the instruction, “If you ain’t on sit down,” whenever I hear the song. But I imagine that would pale in comparison to not hearing my alarm clock go off every morning at 7 am, signaling the tortuous monotony that is having a typical successful career, no matter how much you (used to/sometimes still do) love what you do.
I’d also have to work on my attitude too, because you can’t exactly throw out sarcastically condescending taunts on a regular basis when the only bacon you’re bringing home is what you bought from the grocery store with bae’s bank card. And since there’s nothing worst than an unappreciative woman than an unappreciative, unemployed woman, there’d be a good chance I’d end up on the street if I didn’t at least try a little tenderness — and maybe let one or two instances of my man using “female” instead of “woman” in casual conversation pass. Oh wait, I’m still a feminist, I just have negligible finances — “females” goes, freeloading stays.
I think I’m beginning to see just how difficult this paradoxical existence might be already.
See even with the best attempts at new-age feminism, the fact still remains that he who holds the purse strings holds the power. And in this case “he” would not be gender-neutral. Of course, being the sole breadwinner isn’t an excuse for mistreatment of any kind — or a justification for eliminating the less financially stable party out of decision-making processes when it comes to issues that affect both of you. But in matters of money, often times if you can’t pay you can’t play, and you find yourself beholden to someone else’s vision for your life, rather than carrying out your own. That can range from simple things like having to move across the country because your partner’s job is relocating — and your argument that you won’t be able to run through Central Park anymore isn’t a match for the promotion he’ll receive — to your livelihood being reduced to an allowance and everything you buy scrutinized because it wasn’t purchased with your own money (remember you’re hoarding yours for a rainy eviction day).
So yeah, while the idea of being “kept” sounds great in theory. I imagine in the back of my mind I’d always wonder how much better it might feel to thrive off the sweat of my own brow rather than a man’s. I mean, if we’re equal and all, I should be able to set my own self financially free as well, right?