All Articles Tagged "marriage"
By Momtastic, From YourTango
After dating my husband for three years, I proposed to him.
I didn’t bend down on one knee like those rom-coms where the roles are reversed. Even though I’d been considering popping the question, the words flew out of my mouth sooner than I’d wanted them to. And, I didn’t propose just because I am a feminist.
And it was his fault that I ended up asking him to marry me.
Read more about this woman’s proposal at YourTango.com
Oral sex tends to be right up there with well paying job when it comes to a man’s list of priorities, but “Married To Medicine’s” Dr. Simone Whitmore has an important piece of advice for women who are not too keen on going down on their man: it’s OK.
The OBGYN, and now reality star, surprised viewers when in season 2 of the Bravo series she told her castmates she rarely performs oral sex on her husband, and in an interview with Sister 2 Sister, Dr. Whitmore explained why her choice isn’t a death sentence for her relationship.
“The thing is, we are all different, and I’ve been married for 18 years. I love my husband; he still loves me. It’s important for women to know, whatever it is you feel comfortable with doing in the bedroom with your husband or not doing, it is okay. It is. It’s okay.”
If you’re mind immediately trailed to the thought, “what I won’t do another woman will,” kill it, Dr. Whitmore advised.
“The reality is, divorce is 50 percent in this country, and I know that there are women who are giving it to him uptown, downtown, sideways, flip it up, rub it, oh no, whose husbands or partners are still cheating on them. The most important message that I would tell any woman is look at you, work on you, love you and demand that he love you like you want to be loved and you can’t worry about the rest. No matter what you’re doing, even if you think you’re doing it all, there is another woman out there who’s willing to do more than you.”
Amen to that. It’s about time women were told to put their own desires and level of sexual comfort above a man’s. But do you think there are many husbands out there who’d be able to handle an oral-less marriage?
By Shangi, From YourTango
They say nights are the hardest to get through, so instead of sleeping in the bed we had shared, I decided to sleep on the couch. With fresh sheets in hand, I flipped over the end cushion and heard the crinkle of a candy bar wrapper. If he had been in the living room with me, I would have reprimanded him (as I had so many times!) and led him into the kitchen to show him where the garbage can was.
Now, as I picked up the wrapper, the last thing I wanted to do was throw it away. I held it in my hand while I tucked in the corners. I held it while I fluffed my pillow and straightened my blanket. I held it until I fell asleep, and I was still holding it when I woke up (about an hour later). Turns out, “they” were right; nights were the hardest to get through.
Soon, my tears were replaced with solemnity. Unbeknownst to me, over a month had passed and, for the first time, I opened the front door. My mailbox was crammed with overdue statements and pre-approved credit card offers. According to my mail, he wasn’t dead. I stood there with the envelopes in my hands. If he had been on the porch with me, I would have handed him the bills. Now, I just held them (like I’d held the candy wrapper).
Shortly after that day, I returned to work. The same people I’d left there were still there. “None of them died,” I remember thinking on my first day back. I replaced my somberness with bitterness; I just wanted to do my job and go home. My lively co-workers had other agendas, however. They were all around my age, late twenties, all single and all encouraging. They invited me to join them for drinks after work, and they pushed me to dance when we got there. I know they did so with the best of intentions, but at the time I hated them. I hated them for smiling, for laughing and for dancing. I hated the fact that they had happiness and worse than that, I hated the pity they felt for me for losing mine. I hated all of them and I went home.
Read more about being a widow at YourTango.com
T.I. recently stopped by “The View,” where he discussed his ninth album, “Paperwork,” rumors that his marriage is in trouble and when he intends to bow out of the rap game. Check out some highlights from his interview below.
On his new album, “Paperwork:”
“It’s different for me just as far as the sound from T.I. that people have grown to know and love. It’s been merged with the new level, ahead of the curve sound of Pharrell Williams. He’s executive producing it. So Ijust think it allows me to approach audiences from a different angle.”
On video vixens knowing not to get too close:
“If you notice, there’s just certain parts of the torso that you got to keep [away from]. Yeah. You know, you give a little shoulder and then bring it on back. Just keep it respectful.”
On rumors that his marriage is in trouble:
“What that mean? As long as they say there is trouble in paradise because trouble is inevitable, but it’s okay as long as paradise is still there.”
On learning to cook:
“You know, I sat around and got hungry one day.”
On when he’ll leave rap to be a full-time actor:
“I have a certain number of albums in my head that I think I may have to still offer the industry and then I’ll pull back and apply my efforts and energy to other areas of entertainment.”
It seems like he and Tiny are going to be okay, which is great news.
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise
Could our story be any more cliché? Foreigner falls for American girl. He’s in a pickle, she wants to help. They marry before they’re ready but it’s cool because, you know, happily ever after and all that. Only this wasn’t a romantic comedy, this was my life.
We met at a coffee shop through mutual friends and exchanged clumsy hellos while our friends did the flirting. I was wearing borrowed clothes that day, so I didn’t exactly own up to the belly shirt and low-rise jeans I was wearing. I had never been comfortable around boys, so I scrambled to hide my shy midsection while he pretended not to notice. Just as I began to console myself with the thought that love would probably find me in college, I mustered just enough confidence to glance in his direction –and that was when he smiled. Oh my god, that smile. It was energy and passion and electricity and magic and in that moment I felt strangely drawn to him. Stranger still was the suspicion that things would never be the same again.
We fell quickly and easily for each other. Whispery late night phone calls, make-out sessions in my Toyota, and a new appreciation for sappy love songs sustained us that summer. He was kind to me, attentive, and even though he was guarded and even careful at times not to reveal too much, that mystery only drew me closer. Beautiful days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and months, I secretly hoped, would turn to forever.
A few weeks into my freshman year, with no signs of our romance slowing down, my boyfriend revealed he was living in the United States illegally on an expired visa. To be honest, I didn’t really understand what that meant. The only “visa” I ever knew about was a credit card and I didn’t even have one of those. He told me he’d traveled to the States from the Philippines with his family in his early teens and only recently discovered his expired legal status upon applying to college. I suppose I should have been shocked, but I wasn’t. For the first time, his guarded nature started to make sense. So that’s why he didn’t have a driver’s license. So that’s why he wasn’t going to school.
Unable to work, drive, or seek higher education without proper documentation, he attempted to find odd jobs, self-educate, and find a solution. “How could this happen?” I’d ask over and over. “What does this mean?” my parents worried. The answer was always the same: he didn’t know –and uncovering answers to even the simplest immigration questions wasn’t easy. His father was a proud and private man, offering only the occasional “I’m working on it” when pressed.
A year later and no closer to a solution, I suggested we meet with his father’s immigration attorney. “You have two choices,” the lawyer said, “Go back to the Philippines and re-apply for a visa that you’ll probably never get, or get married.”
On our drive home from the meeting, he said what we’d both been thinking. “Maybe it’s time I go home. This isn’t fair to you.” He was right, but there was also this little matter to consider: we were in love.
For a hot second I considered taking route 60 to I-15. In four hours we could be in Vegas. I was 18, he was 19; it could work! I imagined standing in a chapel, me in my Levi’s, he in his worn Doc Martens. We’d commit to forever in one breath and blame the bravado of young love in the next.
But there would be no Vegas, for being foolish in love was different than being foolish with love. Sure, a quickie marriage could have solved one big problem, but it was almost guaranteed to create about a million more. First, there were my parents: would they forgive me? Would they forgive HIM? Perhaps in time, but things might never be the same following a stunt like that. Then there were logistics: how would we support ourselves? How would we pay for an immigration lawyer? As an 18-year-old college sophomore living at home, I’d be forced to quit school to attempt to support us. And on top of all that, immigration was a lengthy process. Who knew how long it would be before he was granted authorization to work? The idea of our well-intentioned “I do” had a big, fat “DON’T” written all over it – even for him. “It’s not supposed to be this way.” he said, “You deserve to have a wedding with your parents there and you really need to finish school first. We can’t do this right now, not this way.” He was right, so for the next three years I devoted my life to two singular things: loving him and finishing college as quickly as possible. Only then would he agree to marry me.
Read more about this green card marriage at YourTango.com
The countdown is on. Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade are scheduled to tie the knot in less than a month. Although the Hollywood duo were careful to keep their guest list limited to trusted friends and relatives, details about the ceremony continue to be leaked to the media. First, it was their adorable save the date cards. Then, it was the actual invitation complete with a list of dos and dont’s for wedding guests. Now, TMZ has obtained Gabby and Dwyane’s save the date video, which includes footage of the Miami Heat star’s proposal.
“This is Gabrielle. This is Dwyane…and this is how he proposed,” the video says before cutting to footage of Dwyane’s proposal, which included the help of his sons and nephew.
The 47-second video goes on to include other information included in typical save the date cards including the wedding date and location. Considering the fact that Gabby and Dwyane aren’t even allowing guests to bring cell phones or cameras into the party, we’re wondering how they’re feeling about their invites and such being leaked to the media.
Check out the video below.
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise
In early March I found myself literally about to make the next payment on my wedding venue when it occurred to me that my period was literally more than a few weeks late. By the end of the work day I was staring at a pink plus sign as my fiancé and I instantly panicked about friends and family who had already booked their flights for our destination nuptials.
I was initially stressed. As much as I wanted to be excited about being someone’s mom by the year’s end, I couldn’t help but think, “Who gets pregnant during their engagement?”
Anyone who could do the math would know that I was engaged long before I was pregnant. But now as my bump is beginning to be clearly distinguishable from a bad case of bloat, I find myself needing to justify that I will be someone’s wife before I will be someone’s mother. Older managers at work and relatives often make side remarks that it’s some sort of accomplishment that a man wanted to marry me without the pressure of making me an “honest woman”. But every time I find myself comforted by the fact that I had an emerald cut on my finger long before I had a baby in my belly, a part of me feels that I shouldn’t need to live my life in any particular order to suppress the judgment of others.
As I waited for the elevator at work the other day, a man that I often see in passing who works on another floor caught a glimpse of my belly. My co-worker once labeled him “church pervert guy”. He’s the type that would talk about praising the Lord while staring at her breasts. He kindly wished me “Congratulations,” but of course he couldn’t leave it at that.
“I hope he’s doing right by you,” he continued, but when he caught me raising my eyebrows he finished, “You know? Put a ring on it.”
It was the first time I didn’t feel a need to make it public knowledge that a marriage would come before the baby. Still I thought, “Yes, he did put a ring on it. He put a ring on it way before this baby even existed. But more importantly he put love, trust and commitment on it for almost 8 years.” My fiance’ and I are looking at almost a decade of knowing one another and while I’m looking forward to officially being his wife, I’ve known for a long time now this would be the man I would grow old with. The point is whether you see a birth control patch on a woman’s arm or a her protruding belly under a maxi dress, it doesn’t give you a right to advise on her lifestyle or assume, “He’s only marrying her because she’s pregnant.” Just because you don’t see a ring doesn’t mean her partner is a trifling, unemployed corner boy hitting anything moving either. I could’ve just as well been a single career woman who chose to be artificially inseminated or a surrogate. Personally it’s no one’s damn business unless their footing the bill or helping me raise this baby.
If anything this pregnancy has taught me to be less judgmental because the older I get the more I realize there’s no one way to live life, there’s only the way that works best for each person. There will always be people who believe with every ounce of their being that being married will grant you stability and happiness when building a family. And that’s fine, but what isn’t is assuming that everyone else should have those same values.
And what if I hadn’t gotten engaged until I became pregnant? Is there anything wrong with a man motivated by the fact that a woman is having his child? When two people are truly committed and know they want to be together I don’t think it’s always necessary for things to fall in a traditional order nor does it discredit their commitment if they don’t. Now if a man is proposing ONLY because his partner is pregnant and he’s under pressure, that’s not healthy. I know too many folks that are obviously great co-parents but make horrible romantic partners because someone told them they weren’t living life right by having a baby out of wedlock.
There are plenty of situations where life happens faster than you can act on your feelings. And truthfully, rings rarely fix already unhealthy relationships. I know plenty of long-term partners who are awesome parents and husbands and wives I wouldn’t trust to care for an azalea bush let alone a child. We need to pay less attention to what’s on people’s fingers and more on what’s in their hearts and stop misleading one another into thinking marriage automatically makes it right. Is a proposal post-pregnancy in poor taste? I don’t know if “poor taste” can apply to such personal decisions, but I know for most women marriage and children can be the happiest and/or most stressful times in their lives and the last thing they need is anyone’s judgment or people smiling at their belly and frowning at their ring finger.
Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.
In 2002, Brandy made a big announcement. She had married secretly and was six months pregnant. Then there was that reality tv show, “Brandy: Special Delivery” where we saw Brandy and her “husband,” Robert Smith together and watched the process of her giving birth to her daughter Sy’rai. Watching the show you could tell something was off between Brandy and Robert– I just never assumed that their whole relationship was a sham.
Either way, on a recent episode of Oprah’s “Where Are They Now,” Brandy comes back to sit on Oprah’s couch (or chair) and explain why she felt she needed to lie about having a child out of wedlock.
Oprah: I asked if you were married at the time and you said you were. Why did you say that?
Brandy: I said that I was married. Because at that time being pregnant out of wedlock was not a trend. It was not something that people praised. It was a sin. And I felt like I could not be honest about that. I felt the pressure of, again, having to be perfect. And I was scared. I thought that everything that I had worked hard for and everything that I worked to build, the image that I worked so hard to build was threatened. And I felt like having a child out of wedlock would ruin my career, everything that I had built.
And I’m really sorry for that because you just don’t lie to Oprah, okay?!
You can watch the video below.
In another part of the interview, Brandy explains why she doesn’t think she would have made it as a celebrity growing up in this day and age because people on social media can be so cruel. See what she had to say in the video below.
You can catch Brandy’s episode of “Where Are They Now” this Sunday, August 3 on OWN at 9 pm ET/PT.
Tiny and T.I.’s marital woes have taken center stage over the past few months, but it appears that the reality TV couple is committed to working through whatever problems they may be facing in their relationship. It just so happens that today the reality stars are celebrating their fourth wedding anniversary. In honor of the special day, Tiny took to Instagram with an affectionate message for her rapper hubby.
“4 yrs ago @troubleman31 made me The Mrs. Harris, this was the best day ever!! My own Fairy Tale Wedding….El Debarge singing “All this Love” for our first dance and @iamjamiefoxx sung me dwn the aisle. It doesn’t get much better than that!! Happy Anniversary to the man I LOVE, my husband!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️”
Her message was also accompanied by photos from their ceremony.
Tiny recently spoke about the issues that she and her husband are experiencing and the two songs that they recently released about one another.
“I’ve had people say, why not just talk to your husband about all this instead of talking to him through a song,” the singer-turned-reality-star told Vibe’s Aliya S. King. “Please believe, I’m doing that too! You’re not in our house. You’re not in our conversations. You’re not in our bed at night. This song is not all there is to this relationship.”
“Will our music affect our real-life relationship? I really don’t know,” she continued. “I mean if it does, I hope it’s in a good way. Hopefully, it works out in our favor in the end. All I know is that I’m working on it. We’re working on it.”
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise
Folks love getting all spiritual after they have screwed up royally. Last week, we told you that Daniel “Boobie” Gibson claimed that he wouldn’t be filing for divorce from his estranged wife, Keyshia Cole, because he’s a Christian and doesn’t believe in it.
“She would have to do it,” he expressed. “I am a Christian. I believe in ’til death do us part.’”
Of course, it’s no secret that Daniel is a believer, but considering that he practically confessed to stepping out on his wife, the idea of him suddenly wanting to rest on biblical principles regarding marriage was slightly comical. This morning, during an interview with The Breakfast Club, Charlamagne informed Keyshia of Daniel’s comments and her reaction tickled me quite a bit.
“He did not say that,” Keyshia responded before laughing. “He did not say that!”
After getting her giggles out, Keyshia seriously responded to his comment.
“It’s a lot of things you should think about before—if you really feel like that in your heart and your soul as a person, as a man, as a father. I know people make mistakes, but you know, you gotta think about those kind of things because ultimately, it’s not worth it. [You gotta learn from your mistakes] at least. How about we do that? Let’s start there. Just let it go and know what you have and let’s keep it moving.”
Keyshia also responded to Boobie publicly confessing that he “failed” her as a husband. Clearly, she ‘s had enough.
“It’s a lot of admitting and a lot of doing wrong. It just gets tired. [And he continues to do it].”
Things are so over between them that Keyshia said that while she hopes he has learned his lesson, she won’t be the one sticking around to find out.
“Recently I told him, ‘I hope you really find that woman and you be good to her.’”
She seems to be handling the split a lot better, which is great.
Watch Keyshia’s full interview on the next page.