All Articles Tagged "marriage advice"
It’s always pretty entertaining to hear celebs offer marital advice. Earlier this month rapper Akon suggested that polygamy is the answer to America’s sucky divorce rate.
“If America adopted that [pologamy] culture there would be less domestic disputes. The average guy in the world has a main girl and they got a side chick. And then they got a jumpoff,” Akon explained.
Getting On actress Niecy Nash also has some marital advice and thankfully, her cure for divorce is far less outlandish than Akon’s. Well, depending on who you ask. Niecy says that an ugly divorce can be avoided with a daily dose of oral sex.
“If you’re in a relationship or married, I would say, a BJ a day keeps the divorce attorney away,” Niecy said during a recent interview with Wendy Williams.
Realizing how blatantly honest her response was, she then tried to back track, remembering that her children were probably watching.
“Oh no! Wait a minute, my children might be watching. Kids, turn off the TV! You didn’t see that!”
The Soul Man actress also discussed her recently released relationships book, It’s Hard to Fight N*ked.
“The book is a little bit about everything. It’s for you if you’re in the beginning of a relationship, don’t have one, wanna have a man, looking for a man. It’s a lot of fun.”
She also gushed about her husband of two years, Jay Parker.
“Uhhhh, I love being married. I love being married to him even more. You know what I found out? The man that I’m married to today is the same man I dated. He’s consistent and I like that.”
Watch Niecy’s interview on the next page. What do you think of her advice?
One of the first questions I was asked not long after my wedding was, “Did you have your first fight yet?” I laughed because my husband and I had a little tiff during what most would call the “honeymoon” stage. Granted, we’ve had several arguments long before we got married, so having a disagreement isn’t new to us. But having an argument not long after you say “I do” can sting a little bit more than normal. One bit of advice most new brides and grooms get prior to walking down the aisle is “never go to bed angry.” I try to put that into practice most of the time because I understand not wanting to go to bed mad at your baby. Tomorrow isn’t promised, so it makes sense to not take love and life for granted.
However, I said I put that advice to practice “most” times because I actually do think there are times when going to bed angry or sleeping on it rather than arguing all night is a better idea. Here me out.
If you’re familiar with the Ne-Yo song “Mad,” you may recall these verses:
She’s staring at me, I’m sitting wondering what she’s thinking
Ummm Nobody’s talking, cause’ talking just turns into screaming
And now yes I’m yelling over her, she yelling over me,
all that that means is neither of us are listening,
and what’s even worse, that we don’t even remember why we’re fighting
So, in that case…I think it’s okay to go to bed angry. I know that goes against all the couples or marriage advice out there, but think about it. Trying to stay up to resolve an issue may actually do more harm than good. Sometimes things are said that we may not mean, words are spoken that we cannot take back and no one is thinking logically, especially when you’re sleepy.
We fall into this place where you ain’t backing down, and I ain’t backing down,
so what the hell do we do now?
When you’re angry and tired, you’re not thinking straight. That’s when real damage can be done, especially if it’s clear that neither of you are listening to each other and are no where near finding any common ground anytime soon. If neither of you are backing down at that moment, just walk away and take your behinds to sleep. Once you get some rest, you can awake refreshed with a better perspective on your disagreement; even if you’re still angry, you may be able to see your situation in a more reasonable light. Perhaps then, you and your partner will be able to discuss your differences without yelling or arguing.
Some disagreements can be resolved quickly and painlessly. But others may require you to step away and save the discussion for a new day. It’s easy to forgive and forget in some instances, but words, once uttered, can never be taken back. So if your relationship is worth it, take a break, get some sleep and find your equilibrium so that you both don’t say or do something you’ll regret later. If you’re so angry that you can’t go to sleep, tell your partner that you don’t want to argue at that moment and that you need time to get your head together. Say a prayer, meditate, take yourself to bed, awake refreshed – or at least cooled down a bit – and you may be able to face your man and your relationship with a fresh set of eyes and a clear mind. It may not work for everyone, but for some, it may be just what the doctor ordered.
What’s the silliest thing you’ve ever gone to bed angry over?
Most of us are aware of the depressing divorce rate statistics. While the exact percentage may be up for debate, the general consensus is that as many as 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce. That’s not a very uplifting statistic; however, if half of marriages fail, then that means half succeed. For whatever reason, you don’t usually hear men – even happy ones – bragging about the virtues of marriage. I attribute this to two main reasons: 1) It’s not “cool” to brag about how happy your wife makes you; and 2) Happy people are usually too busy being happy to bother complaining. This is why they have customer complaint lines not customer compliment lines. With this in mind, I decided to poll some of my self-proclaimed happily married male friends for their thoughts, advice, and insider tips on finding and maintaining happiness in their marriages.
To gain a better insight on the male perspective of marriage than the usual “give him more head and more sex,” I asked the fellas to provide tips that had nothing to do with sex. Although this restriction forced them to take a bit longer to respond, here is a compilation list of what they told me in no particular order…
1. Don’t rush! Surprisingly, despite having almost 30 years of marriage under his belt, one of my friend’s simple advice was “don’t rush.” He didn’t say this to suggest he wasn’t happily married. He merely meant that when the time is right, the time is right and “forever is a long time.” He’s looking forward to spending the rest of his life with his wife; however, he can do so comfortably knowing he had a fulfilling single life before meeting the woman he loves. He doesn’t sit up late at night wondering, “what if” because he knows he met his wife and committed to her at the right time in his life.
2. No kids in bed. Married seven years, another friend said he had to learn this lesson through trial and error. The proud father of two girls, he let his first daughter sleep in the bed with him and his wife every time she asked. This exception soon became the rule. Eventually, as you might expect, their love life suffered, because it’s a little difficult to have sex with your wife when your child is constantly in your bed. When his wife became pregnant again, they decided that the baby would not sleep with them. Establishing this from the beginning, their younger daughter accepted it as normal routine and became more independent sooner than their oldest daughter. I’ll spare you the details, but he says their love life greatly improved. In the end, he said the parents should work together to set the expectations and not be driven solely by the children’s wants. In other words, it’s important to remember that “adults have needs too.”
Your favorite daytime TV host is back! The Wendy Williams show premiered season four on September 10, so we got to sit down with Wendy who filled us in on what’s coming up! Season four includes a new studio, a ‘tweet and greet’ segment for Wendy to connect with fans, an embrace on many new topics and many more guests! Wendy has been called a “breakthrough in daytime” by The New York Times. Her show’s been renewed by Fox through 2014, and we could not be more excited. So, we wanted to hear all about it and all about what Wendy had to say about love, relationships, and of course —Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.
1. What are you currently working on? Do you have any exciting news to share?
The new season has started. We’ve extended ‘hot topics,’ which our ‘Wendy Watchers’ love! Last Friday, we did our first round-table discussion, a wrap-up of the week’s topics. It was a little loud, a little messy, but that’s our show!
2. What’s your favorite romantic movie and love song?
Ahh, I’m not really a romance movie kind of girl! For me, it’s not about the movie, it’s about the scene. I like scenes with strong women, who pull up their boots and get back out there! As for love song, when they come on, I change the radio station!
Read more at YourTango
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For women, there’s no shortage of relationship advice.
Walk into your local library or bookstore and you’ll find a whole section of books titled “Not Tonight, Mr. Right”; “He’s Just Not That Into You”; “Be Honest, You’re Not That Into Him Either”; “Dating Up: Dump the Schlump and Find a Quality Man” ; “The 30-Day Heartbreak Cure”; “Good Girls Guide to Bad Girl Sex” and our favorite “Think Like a Lady and Act Like a Man”.
[Full disclosure: Surveying my own bookshelf for those titles, I’m aware that therapy would have been cheaper.]
Beyond books, there are magazines, blogs, television shows, single friends, engaged classmates, married cousins, divorced aunts, ex-boyfriends, nosy neighbors and well-meaning mothers all ready to give you advice – both solicited and non-solicited.
However, just because there are a surplus of books with often contradicting and/or redundant information, or people who give you advice without realizing their life is one you thank God you’re not living, there are some gems out there.
Every now and then, I get some relationship advice that really resonates with me.
If I had to list the best relationship advice I ever got, I would be hard pressed to list them all, but I can think of two examples.
A few years ago, I was telling my friend how I was stuck in a merry-go-round with a particular guy. “It’s been two years”, I complained. She responded: “Two years is better than two years and a day.”
It was like a lightbulb went off! Here I was moaning and groaning about how I wasted the past two years of my life and she pointed out such an obvious truth. There is nothing I could do about the time I wasted, but in that moment I discovered that I could resolve not to waste another day.
I took her advice in that situation and, now, every time I want to complain about the time I wasted on something, I remember her “and a day” comment. There is nothing we can do about the past except move on from it and refuse to let the past be the future. I hate wasted time, but I can’t combat that hate by wasting even more time.
Another piece of advice was given to me recently: “Don’t compare your relationship with anyone else’s.”
It was basic advice given to me in conversation during my wedding weekend. My friend was a newlywed at the time and she told me “It’s weird because you’re going to want to look at other people’s marriages and compare it to your own. Don’t. Everyone is different and their relationships are different.”
Normally, I would have dismissively filed that away in things-I-already-know but, for some reason, that conversation has stuck with me. I remember it every time I launch into comparison mode subconsciously – which is more often than I care to admit.
As a newlywed, I tend to look at what other married women around me are doing to judge if I’m doing the “wife thing” correctly. I actually think that’s beneficial because I can learn a lot by observing. However, if I begin to compare, I undoubtedly come away feeling guilty like I’m not meeting up to some arbitrary “wife” standard or feeling resentful because I’m doing more than someone else’s wife. Guilt and resentment are not productive feelings.
There is a difference between observing and comparing. I’m grateful that a friend felt the need to warn me about this, so when I feel a mental comparison session coming on, I can shut it down.
Of course, I’ve also gotten other great relationship advice from various venues, sprinkled in with absolutely horrid advice, but that won’t help anyone.
What about you? What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever received? Sound off below!
Follow Alissa Henry on Twitter @AlissaInPink
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I don’t know that Jackie Christie is a woman I’d look to for advice, but if there’s one thing she has under control it’s her marriage. Vibe Vixen recently reached out to the craziest member of the “Basketball Wives LA” crew to get her thoughts on the ladies of the Miami cast and when they asked what she thinks about Evelyn and Chad’s relationship she said this:
“I really admire their relationship. I think they’re best friends and can act silly and have fun. At the same time, they have that commitment level that you need in a long-lasting relationship. I know they’re planning their wedding and getting married soon. I wish them many years of married bliss.”
After seeing Evelyn and Chad’s “heart to heart” Monday night, it was clear Evelyn still had a few doubts about Chad’s loyalty and he wasn’t doing much to curb her suspicions either. VV asked Jackie what advice she’d give these two to be more open with each other and she basically said they need to put each other first and block out the rest.
“Evelyn, I would tell her to ignore the naysayers. There’s gonna be a lot of them. [Chad] is an athlete; [Evelyn] is a celebrity in her own right, and there’s gonna be a lot of people saying things about their relationship. I’m sure there’s already been. She seems to really take it personal; I would just advise her to ignore it. Turn the other cheek, because I took it for 15 years. I was hearing all kinds of different things, but put him first and have him put her first, which I’m sure they do. And I’m sure they’ll be just fine. I would definitely advise them to keep the world out of their relationship, though. Do the shows, share, but make sure when it comes time for any of that hearsay or people butting in, ask them to kindly stay out.”
Jackie actually sounds like a pretty stable woman in this interview, although I don’t know how many times a woman is supposed to turn the other cheek to rumors. At some point you gotta ask what’s up.
Do you think Jackie is qualified to give out marriage advice or should she stick to controlling Doug?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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This week on The Luv Coach, Coach Brody advises a woman whose husband is handling how to balance his obligations to his child and his wife. Read on and weigh in:
Dear Luv Coach
My husband and I married 5 months ago after 5 years of dating and things are going well, with the exception of one thing…. his baby momma. The entire 5 years we dated, she made my life a living hell. She spread rumors that I threatened to abuse his children, claimed that they were still messing around, etc. She has made it no secret after all this time she is still very much in love with my husband and based on past history, would stop at nothing to see us split. Herein lies the dilemma. She has not shared with their child that we’re married and has told my husband in order to see his child he must come to her house and their child is not allowed to come to our home because my husband will not provide her with an address (the reason he won’t tell her where we live is due to issues with her in the past).
I have made it very plain to my husband that I don’t feel comfortable with him being alone with her because of the way she feels about him and past drama. He on the other hand argues he is going over there for his child, not her and that I am trying to prevent him from seeing his child. I argue he doesn’t have to sit in her house to do so, if he can’t come here, why can’t he pick him up and they do something together?? Simply put, I dealt with 5 years of disrespect while we were dating, I am not going to deal with a lifetime of disrespect in my marriage, so I told him spending time over her house means a death certificate for our marriage…. Am I wrong????
I have somewhat of a problem that has left me very confused emotionally, and I could use a males perspective from someone who doesn’t know me and isn’t afraid to keep it real with me. I’m friends with this guy and we’ve been friends for about a year now and we mesh so well…. Long story short we’ve developed feelings for each other over the course of our friendship, the problem is he has a girlfriend! Now we’ve never been intimate or even kissed for that matter but the feelings are evident to everyone even his girlfriend (she’s very insecure when it comes to me, she has all reason to be because he’s cheating emotionally)… The thing is he expresses to me how he wants to leave his girlfriend; partly because of me and partly because he believes its the end of the road for their relationship, but he doesn’t want to break her heart (so he says).
My question: is his procrastination a true sign that he really doesn’t want to leave his girlfriend to build something with me? I mean i don’t think he would have any reason to string me along he hasn’t even gotten any…. But hey I’m not a man and as much as i would like to believe that i know what the opposite sex is thinking,I DON’T! please help Champ.Emotionally Confused.
You love your hubby but perhaps he’s lost his mind a little bit. What else could explain why he would even think to fix his lips to ask you if you want to have a threesome?!? You want to keep him satisfied but there are certain things you just won’t do…or will you?
See how a relationship expert at Your Tango.com says you should handle this inquiry without calling him a freak and cussing him out.
What would you say if your husband asked you to do this?
Nearly 50 percent of all marriages in this country end in divorce, which has led many singles to wonder “What’s the point?” In fact, it has become a joke—so much so that the state of New Mexico is considering two-year renewals. You know, sort of like a driver’s license.
However, marriage in itself is not the reason it has become so trivialized. It is our approach and the unrealistic portraits we paint of what it is supposed to be. For example, more and more of us are telling ourselves it is necessary to cohabit before taking the plunge. Yet research shows that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce than those who do not. On the same token, many imagine idealistic unions marked by decades of endless bliss. And, that just doesn’t happen.