All Articles Tagged "marriage advice"
Divorce doesn’t come out of nowhere. Even if it seems like it comes out of nowhere, because somebody cheats, is abusive, or “suddenly” decides they’d like to leave, it really never comes out of nowhere. There were always incidents leading up to it. And that means the opposite is true. There are little things along the way that lead to a relationship lasting and, in some ways, even prevent divorce. Here are 15 of them.
Niecy Nash Addresses Critics Of Her ‘Blow Job A Day’ Marital Advice: “I Keep A Job And A Man, So I’m Doing Something Right’
Last week, Niecy Nash’s advice on blow jobs being a crucial component to keeping a married man happy was thrust back into the spotlight following her controversial chat with Playboy. As you may recall, Niecy expressed that a woman’s willingness to go down on her hubby and keep him well fed was an important part of the recipe for a happy marriage. Since then, the actress has received praise and criticism (mostly criticism) for her pointers. We were recently able to catch up with her for a Q&A where she discusses season two of her HBO series, “Getting On,” her upcoming movie Selma and of course, all of the fellatio controversy.
Many Black actresses have complained about how difficult it is to find work in the entertainment industry, but you always seem to be working. What’s your secret to maintaining longevity in this business?
Well, there would be two things I would say. One is my faith. God has really been kind in terms of me always keeping a job. And the other part is to diversify. Sometimes we start in one thing and we stay in that one thing. But I always like to try things I’ve never done. Okay, I’m doing an unscripted comedy like “Reno 911!” How about I go over here and try hosting a home makeover show? Maybe I can be a correspondent. Let me go over here to “Entertainment Tonight.” I think I can dance a little bit, let me try to be a dancing star. Let me write a book. I’m an author. It’s just constantly finding ways to continue to put your art into the world.
And your family, you seem extremely busy. How do you balance it all?
There are so many things. It’s very easy for something to fall through the cracks. I have accepted the fact that something is going to fall through the cracks. I just don’t let the same thing continue to fall through the cracks. You’ve got to rotate. And also, I have help. My mother and my husband are very, very helpful at helping me maintain it all.
What can fans expect from the new season of “Getting On”?
I think that you get to find a little bit more out about our characters. I would say that you get to see relationships, some personal relationships develop. My character has a family member that comes to work on the ward…there’s some intensity and drama that this brings. I won’t tell you who but someone from our ward is going to undergo a very major makeover that’s going to be a little shocking to everyone on the ward. We have really great guest stars again this season and one of our favorites from last season is going to show up again. I won’t tell you who that is either.
Your role on “Getting On” is very different from other characters that you have played in the past. How did you mentally prepare for such a dark comedy?
It’s interesting, when I decided that I wanted to be an actress at 5 years old, I never thought comedy. I always thought of a more grounded and dramatic performance. But when I found my way in comedy, it was a means to an end. I needed to feed my children. I was like, “Okay, this is what they’re hiring me to do.” I’m very, very passionate about being able to play Nurse Didi because she’s so different from everything. You know, Raineesha Williams from “Reno 911!” with the baby hair and the big booty and the sassy personality. Nurse Didi is a longggg way from Raineesha Williams and being able to play her has not only been a gift to me personally as an actor, it’s afforded me some other opportunities. I ended up in this other movie coming out on Christmas Day called Selma. The director Ava Duverney saw me in “Getting On.” I don’t think she would’ve called me if she saw me in “Reno 911!: Miami,” you know, walking down the beach talking crazy. But seeing me in a different light has caused a little bit of a stir in casting. I’ve been able to go in for projects that I probably would not have been seen for before.
Speaking of Selma, what was it like working with Oprah?
Oh my goodness, Oprah is amazing. We didn’t actually have scenes together in the movie, but we were able to fellowship together. She’s everything you think she is and more. You know, that deep Oprah side that’s insightful and so full of love and Maya Angelou wisdom. That is Oprah. But there’s such a fun side to her too.
When you get engaged, there’s no shortage of marriage advice that’ll be thrown your way. Unfortunately, not all of it is worth listening to. To help you weed through the words of wisdom, here are 14 pieces of marriage advice that are definitely worth keeping in the back of your mind.
‘Stay Out. It’s Called Female Drama For A Reason.’ Kelly Rowland Reveals How She and New Hubby Treat Social Media
Just a few weeks ago, “Kisses Down Low” singer Kelly Rowland tied the knot with manager Tim Witherspoon in a small Costa Rican ceremony. She revealed to Us Weekly shortly after that they chose to keep the romance that same way for a long time stating, “It’s been a while. We’ve kept it very, very low – for years, to be completely honest.”
Well since officially becoming Mrs. Witherspoon, the 33 year-old is slowly opening up about what does go down in their relationship. In an exclusive interview with Hello Beautiful, Kelly says although their relationship may have been private, she and Tim keep secrets to a minimum in their marriage.
“I guess it’s a personal preference. I follow mine. There’s nothing to hide. I feel like when you’re open and honest in a relationship, you have nothing to hide. Why wouldn’t you? It’s your friend. You follow everybody else. you follow people who take too many darn selfies. I don’t like to follow those people either,” she responded when asked should couples follow each other on social media.
She also added that males should mind their business when it comes to female drama:
“Stay out. It’s called female drama for a reason unless you have a vagina.”
On the topic of “soulmates”, the former Miss Rowland reveals that bestie Beyoncé and her sister Solange are her idea of life companions:
“I believe in soulmates. I believe soulmates are not just in relationships, but they’re in friendships. I have soulmates through Beyonce and Michelle and Angie and Solange and LaLa. I have soulmates. I’m so thankful for that too because I think they understand you. If there’s something on my heart or my mind, before I can even pick up the phone, one of them is calling me saying, ‘What are you doing? Are you ok’ We’re connected and I think that’s such a beautiful thing. It’s the greatest gift you can have.”
Remember when her bandmates were writing special dedications to help Kelly’s troubled love life? Well it seems as if she’s finally found a happy, healthy relationship. With all the speculation going on with Bey’s marriage, she may want to share some of her wisdom.
Great news is always sweeter when you have girlfriends who are genuinely happy for you to celebrate with. Actress Robinne Lee is totally elated by the news of her “Being Mary Jane” co-star and homegirl Gabrielle Union’s recent engagement to Dwyane Wade.
“I’m so excited!” Robinne gushed to Vibe Vixen. “I can say now, but we got the email earlier Saturday and she said ‘don’t tell anyone yet, we haven’t released the information yet,’ but we were all screaming and crying in our remote places and texting her like, ‘I can’t believe it, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.'”
She went on to recall where she was when she heard the news.
“I just came out the dentist office and I was standing there in the mall, the tears were streaming down my face, I just feel so happy for her. They’ve been together for a while and she so loves him; she so loves those kids too. They’re just a family. They’ve been a family for a while, so I’m really happy they’re making it official. It’s a good thing.”
Unfortunately, the talk of Gabby’s recent engagement is now stained with news that Dwyane recently fathered a child outside of their relationship, which could be pretty challenging. Thankfully she has married friends who can offer support and advice—including Robinne, who says that communication is key in any marriage.
“We talk about this [building a strong marriage] all the time; this is nothing she hasn’t already heard from me, but communicate, talk, keep the lines of communication open. Learn to trust, be honest, be friends, and support each other. Think of yourselves not so much just as lovers but you’re a team now, you will be doing everything for team Union/Wade.”
What do you think of Robinne’s advice?
It’s always pretty entertaining to hear celebs offer marital advice. Earlier this month rapper Akon suggested that polygamy is the answer to America’s sucky divorce rate.
“If America adopted that [pologamy] culture there would be less domestic disputes. The average guy in the world has a main girl and they got a side chick. And then they got a jumpoff,” Akon explained.
Getting On actress Niecy Nash also has some marital advice and thankfully, her cure for divorce is far less outlandish than Akon’s. Well, depending on who you ask. Niecy says that an ugly divorce can be avoided with a daily dose of oral sex.
“If you’re in a relationship or married, I would say, a BJ a day keeps the divorce attorney away,” Niecy said during a recent interview with Wendy Williams.
Realizing how blatantly honest her response was, she then tried to back track, remembering that her children were probably watching.
“Oh no! Wait a minute, my children might be watching. Kids, turn off the TV! You didn’t see that!”
The Soul Man actress also discussed her recently released relationships book, It’s Hard to Fight N*ked.
“The book is a little bit about everything. It’s for you if you’re in the beginning of a relationship, don’t have one, wanna have a man, looking for a man. It’s a lot of fun.”
She also gushed about her husband of two years, Jay Parker.
“Uhhhh, I love being married. I love being married to him even more. You know what I found out? The man that I’m married to today is the same man I dated. He’s consistent and I like that.”
Watch Niecy’s interview on the next page. What do you think of her advice?
One of the first questions I was asked not long after my wedding was, “Did you have your first fight yet?” I laughed because my husband and I had a little tiff during what most would call the “honeymoon” stage. Granted, we’ve had several arguments long before we got married, so having a disagreement isn’t new to us. But having an argument not long after you say “I do” can sting a little bit more than normal. One bit of advice most new brides and grooms get prior to walking down the aisle is “never go to bed angry.” I try to put that into practice most of the time because I understand not wanting to go to bed mad at your baby. Tomorrow isn’t promised, so it makes sense to not take love and life for granted.
However, I said I put that advice to practice “most” times because I actually do think there are times when going to bed angry or sleeping on it rather than arguing all night is a better idea. Here me out.
If you’re familiar with the Ne-Yo song “Mad,” you may recall these verses:
She’s staring at me, I’m sitting wondering what she’s thinking
Ummm Nobody’s talking, cause’ talking just turns into screaming
And now yes I’m yelling over her, she yelling over me,
all that that means is neither of us are listening,
and what’s even worse, that we don’t even remember why we’re fighting
So, in that case…I think it’s okay to go to bed angry. I know that goes against all the couples or marriage advice out there, but think about it. Trying to stay up to resolve an issue may actually do more harm than good. Sometimes things are said that we may not mean, words are spoken that we cannot take back and no one is thinking logically, especially when you’re sleepy.
We fall into this place where you ain’t backing down, and I ain’t backing down,
so what the hell do we do now?
When you’re angry and tired, you’re not thinking straight. That’s when real damage can be done, especially if it’s clear that neither of you are listening to each other and are no where near finding any common ground anytime soon. If neither of you are backing down at that moment, just walk away and take your behinds to sleep. Once you get some rest, you can awake refreshed with a better perspective on your disagreement; even if you’re still angry, you may be able to see your situation in a more reasonable light. Perhaps then, you and your partner will be able to discuss your differences without yelling or arguing.
Some disagreements can be resolved quickly and painlessly. But others may require you to step away and save the discussion for a new day. It’s easy to forgive and forget in some instances, but words, once uttered, can never be taken back. So if your relationship is worth it, take a break, get some sleep and find your equilibrium so that you both don’t say or do something you’ll regret later. If you’re so angry that you can’t go to sleep, tell your partner that you don’t want to argue at that moment and that you need time to get your head together. Say a prayer, meditate, take yourself to bed, awake refreshed – or at least cooled down a bit – and you may be able to face your man and your relationship with a fresh set of eyes and a clear mind. It may not work for everyone, but for some, it may be just what the doctor ordered.
What’s the silliest thing you’ve ever gone to bed angry over?
Most of us are aware of the depressing divorce rate statistics. While the exact percentage may be up for debate, the general consensus is that as many as 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce. That’s not a very uplifting statistic; however, if half of marriages fail, then that means half succeed. For whatever reason, you don’t usually hear men – even happy ones – bragging about the virtues of marriage. I attribute this to two main reasons: 1) It’s not “cool” to brag about how happy your wife makes you; and 2) Happy people are usually too busy being happy to bother complaining. This is why they have customer complaint lines not customer compliment lines. With this in mind, I decided to poll some of my self-proclaimed happily married male friends for their thoughts, advice, and insider tips on finding and maintaining happiness in their marriages.
To gain a better insight on the male perspective of marriage than the usual “give him more head and more sex,” I asked the fellas to provide tips that had nothing to do with sex. Although this restriction forced them to take a bit longer to respond, here is a compilation list of what they told me in no particular order…
1. Don’t rush! Surprisingly, despite having almost 30 years of marriage under his belt, one of my friend’s simple advice was “don’t rush.” He didn’t say this to suggest he wasn’t happily married. He merely meant that when the time is right, the time is right and “forever is a long time.” He’s looking forward to spending the rest of his life with his wife; however, he can do so comfortably knowing he had a fulfilling single life before meeting the woman he loves. He doesn’t sit up late at night wondering, “what if” because he knows he met his wife and committed to her at the right time in his life.
2. No kids in bed. Married seven years, another friend said he had to learn this lesson through trial and error. The proud father of two girls, he let his first daughter sleep in the bed with him and his wife every time she asked. This exception soon became the rule. Eventually, as you might expect, their love life suffered, because it’s a little difficult to have sex with your wife when your child is constantly in your bed. When his wife became pregnant again, they decided that the baby would not sleep with them. Establishing this from the beginning, their younger daughter accepted it as normal routine and became more independent sooner than their oldest daughter. I’ll spare you the details, but he says their love life greatly improved. In the end, he said the parents should work together to set the expectations and not be driven solely by the children’s wants. In other words, it’s important to remember that “adults have needs too.”
Your favorite daytime TV host is back! The Wendy Williams show premiered season four on September 10, so we got to sit down with Wendy who filled us in on what’s coming up! Season four includes a new studio, a ‘tweet and greet’ segment for Wendy to connect with fans, an embrace on many new topics and many more guests! Wendy has been called a “breakthrough in daytime” by The New York Times. Her show’s been renewed by Fox through 2014, and we could not be more excited. So, we wanted to hear all about it and all about what Wendy had to say about love, relationships, and of course —Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.
1. What are you currently working on? Do you have any exciting news to share?
The new season has started. We’ve extended ‘hot topics,’ which our ‘Wendy Watchers’ love! Last Friday, we did our first round-table discussion, a wrap-up of the week’s topics. It was a little loud, a little messy, but that’s our show!
2. What’s your favorite romantic movie and love song?
Ahh, I’m not really a romance movie kind of girl! For me, it’s not about the movie, it’s about the scene. I like scenes with strong women, who pull up their boots and get back out there! As for love song, when they come on, I change the radio station!
Read more at YourTango
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For women, there’s no shortage of relationship advice.
Walk into your local library or bookstore and you’ll find a whole section of books titled “Not Tonight, Mr. Right”; “He’s Just Not That Into You”; “Be Honest, You’re Not That Into Him Either”; “Dating Up: Dump the Schlump and Find a Quality Man” ; “The 30-Day Heartbreak Cure”; “Good Girls Guide to Bad Girl Sex” and our favorite “Think Like a Lady and Act Like a Man”.
[Full disclosure: Surveying my own bookshelf for those titles, I’m aware that therapy would have been cheaper.]
Beyond books, there are magazines, blogs, television shows, single friends, engaged classmates, married cousins, divorced aunts, ex-boyfriends, nosy neighbors and well-meaning mothers all ready to give you advice – both solicited and non-solicited.
However, just because there are a surplus of books with often contradicting and/or redundant information, or people who give you advice without realizing their life is one you thank God you’re not living, there are some gems out there.
Every now and then, I get some relationship advice that really resonates with me.
If I had to list the best relationship advice I ever got, I would be hard pressed to list them all, but I can think of two examples.
A few years ago, I was telling my friend how I was stuck in a merry-go-round with a particular guy. “It’s been two years”, I complained. She responded: “Two years is better than two years and a day.”
It was like a lightbulb went off! Here I was moaning and groaning about how I wasted the past two years of my life and she pointed out such an obvious truth. There is nothing I could do about the time I wasted, but in that moment I discovered that I could resolve not to waste another day.
I took her advice in that situation and, now, every time I want to complain about the time I wasted on something, I remember her “and a day” comment. There is nothing we can do about the past except move on from it and refuse to let the past be the future. I hate wasted time, but I can’t combat that hate by wasting even more time.
Another piece of advice was given to me recently: “Don’t compare your relationship with anyone else’s.”
It was basic advice given to me in conversation during my wedding weekend. My friend was a newlywed at the time and she told me “It’s weird because you’re going to want to look at other people’s marriages and compare it to your own. Don’t. Everyone is different and their relationships are different.”
Normally, I would have dismissively filed that away in things-I-already-know but, for some reason, that conversation has stuck with me. I remember it every time I launch into comparison mode subconsciously – which is more often than I care to admit.
As a newlywed, I tend to look at what other married women around me are doing to judge if I’m doing the “wife thing” correctly. I actually think that’s beneficial because I can learn a lot by observing. However, if I begin to compare, I undoubtedly come away feeling guilty like I’m not meeting up to some arbitrary “wife” standard or feeling resentful because I’m doing more than someone else’s wife. Guilt and resentment are not productive feelings.
There is a difference between observing and comparing. I’m grateful that a friend felt the need to warn me about this, so when I feel a mental comparison session coming on, I can shut it down.
Of course, I’ve also gotten other great relationship advice from various venues, sprinkled in with absolutely horrid advice, but that won’t help anyone.
What about you? What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever received? Sound off below!
Follow Alissa Henry on Twitter @AlissaInPink
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