Source: WENN

From YourTango

My favorite gender double standard is probably the one where a guy who’s “allergic” to condoms is a liar and a creep, and a chick with the same terrible latex malady is a keeper. The rest of y’all seem to be hung up on the “number” game.

We celebrate the dude with lots of partners. I believe Wilt Chamberlain had several parades to commemorate his boudoir efforts (because it couldn’t have been his basketball success against smaller and athletically inferior opponents). But we deride women who do likewise. You can practically taste the stomach bile foaming as Madeline Cahn sings “I’ve Been With Thousands Of Men” in Blazing Saddles. You can rattle off the rationale for this attitude: risk of disease, children of dubious/unknown patronage, lack of appreciation for female sexuality, Peter Cetera.* Technology and an untold amount of poking, rubbing and prodding have begun to relieve some of those issues, but our double standard persists.

A recent study found that men and women are still lying about their “numbers,” despite the fact that the sexual revolution happened more than 60 years ago.

Read more on YourTango.com

Source: Shutterstock

Why do men do the things they do? As women, this is a question we will likely never understand. Why don’t men ever call, why is it so hard for them to make commitments? These things fly way above our heads when it comes to the male species, and like the rest of the things on this list, I don’t think we’ll ever figure the answers out.

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Okay, hopefully we will eventually be able to file this under “glad it never happened” and move on.

But right now, Mouth to Ears is reporting that singer Brandy and her fiance Ryan Press are planning to televise their wedding.  The new kingpin of reality shows, VH1, is the alleged buyer and according to MTE’s source, they’re going to be paying for everything.

Brandy has already revealed that her daughter Sy’rai will be her maid of honor. She also recently told Hip Hollywood that while they haven’t really started planning, she envisions her hair in an inward french braid going down the side with a flower. So either she really hasn’t started planning yet or VH1 actually has gotten dibs on the show and she can’t say much.

A good piece of advice that she picked up from Niecy Nash? It isn’t about the wedding, it’s about the marriage. Brandy said she’s continuing to make sure she has the best relationship possible.

If you’ll recall – and we know you do because every time there’s a Brandy story someone in the comments brings it up – Brandy did a reality show with her “husband” Robert which followed them in their journey to the birth of their daughter. The thing we all found out was that Brandy and Robert never married and that little lie has followed her everywhere.

Brandy appears really happy with Ryan so while we’d definitely catch the show if it did come on VH1, we can probably do without a wedding special and just see pictures when they surface online.

We shall see.

Would you watch Brandy and Ryan’s wedding special?

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So I’m talking to this guy and he’s in my ear, going on about “hey, you’re so beautiful” and “I really like you” and “Why are you laughing? I’m serious.”

Because I don’t believe you.  You need more people.

I try not to think all men are dogs but deep down inside, I do think all men are dogs. Right now, I’m trying to decide if I should work on changing that perception or if I should just accept it as truth?

I know that is a big statement.  Some may think it is ugly and self-defeatist. Some don’t even want to read anymore and have already gone to the comment section to express your contempt for a selfish writer – and all her grammatical errors. But this is the raw, uncut truth. And this is how I feel.

To clarify, when I say all men are dogs, I mean I don’t trust anything they say or do. As far as I am concerned, men lie. They also cheat and steal too. Some of them are cowards and some of them are sick abusers, who get off on the emotional manipulation and exploitation of women. The statistics in regards to sexual assault as well as spousal abuse and murder back that claim up. And if you are not careful, a man can drive you crazy.

Simply put, they certainly don’t deserve the platform we put – or once ever put – them on. Not enough to write books about them, seek out advice on how to get them, fight over and get all emotionally distraught about them. Generally speaking, men kind of suck and when you start to think about it, why do we even care about them at all?

Yes, I know, perhaps it is me that is in need of changing?  I mean, if all men are dogs than what does that make you? Well, I like to think of myself as a realist. If I could clock the amount of time I’ve spent over the years “fixing” myself, I could claim it on my taxes as a full time job. I question myself and my choices daily. Evaluating and reevaluating myself, trying to find out exactly that one particular magic flaw about me that I could fix and make my relationships with men a lot easier. But even after all that work, all those changes you’ve gone through, it still don’t work. Men still act doggish. So then I began to think:  Maybe it’s not just me; maybe it’s them too.

Okay, so this is just the jaded opinion of one woman.  Everybody doesn’t have the same experience. That’s true. But it is not just my various situations, which I’ve have drawn my conclusion from. I’m talking about my mother, my grandmother, girlfriends, girl cousins, aunties and even perfect strangers. I have heard of some really awful tales of men doing some truly awful things to women. And there does seem to be a general consensus that on average, “Men ain’t –ish.”  I mean, if it was just the experiences of others, I might be willing to brush it off, but we all can’t be wrong?

I tell myself not to feel these things. Think of the men in my own family, like my brothers, uncles and dad? They are not bad guys. True, but they also have their own stuff with them too.  It is not just a matter of if they are good guys but also acknowledging that nobody is perfect – not even men. And since men are not perfect beings, then damn it, why would I stress myself about them?

I truly hope I am not coming off as bitter and mean but I don’t care about what men think or what they want or what they like. I don’t care what they do anymore.  What has really caring what they thought got me before? Not much but hurt feelings and bruised egos. I’m over feeling that way. And I’m so over questioning myself. I’m over changing and rearranging. I’m just going to do what I think will make me happy.

Does that mean I have giving up on men? Heck No! I love men – despite all of their doggish ways. I love the way they look, I love the way they smell and I especially love the way they feel. It just means that I have no expectations. And as such, I am not taking anything they say seriously.  And because I don’t take it serious, I’m not taking it personally. It’s not me, it’s them.

Who knows? Maybe this is just a bitter woman phase. Maybe I’ll recognize the error of my ways and I’ll feel differently in future. Maybe some good dude will come along and make me change my mind. Heck it could be that dude, who was spitting game at me. If it is, I’m not going to just take his word for it. For all I know, he could be telling me anything. He – and anybody else – is going to have to show me more than that to make me a believer.

So exactly what is a good friend? One who’s always there for you no matter what? One who always makes you feel good about yourself? Someone who is constantly re-assuring your insecurities? Sorry, but that’s not a good friend, that’s just a fake one. Let’s be real, there is no way that you always agree with the things your friends do. So exactly why do we often make it seem like we do agree with them? Is it because we don’t want to hurt their feelings? Or because we’re afraid of an argument? Either way, friends do it a lot! Here are some of the most common lies we tell our friends just to keep the peace:

Source: Thinkstock.com

You look great in that outfit

Hmmm, how do I put this nicely? Even though your flab is hanging out all over the place, and that color makes you look like a giant balloon, you look great! In a fantasy world, you could just say that outfit makes you look fat…but not in the real world where people actually have feelings and insecurities. Who wants to be that friend who destroys their friend’s confidence?

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I just finished reading Gillian Flynn’s “Gone Girl,” a New York Times bestseller about a wife that goes mysteriously missing. **Spoiler Alert** Throughout the course of the book, you learn that her husband is not as a good as he seems, and that her marriage is in a shambles, which becomes clear after reading her diary. From jump, it seems like her husband is a textbook LifeTime wife-murderer.  Then it’s revealed that the diary is a fake. Basically, right when you think you know what’s going on, you don’t know who to trust in the story.
That’s a scary concept: how can you know who is real and who is fake?  How many white lies, half-truths, and omissions are people keeping from each other? Can you ever really trust what someone says? To be honest I don’t know if I could handle knowing all there is to know about a person, there are some truths I don’t want to know. But part of our human nature is curiosity about the unknown and we often times have difficulty accepting it, which is why Jack Nicholson’s classic line from A Few Good Men seems to fit perfectly when it comes to keeping it real – sometimes, “you can’t handle the truth!”
Sometimes, radical honesty is absolutely necessary. Telling your guy friend that you’re really not into him before he catches feelings, being up front with coworkers about your workload, letting your family know that you can’t deal with their dysfunction – those are the times when being blunt and upfront serves you well. For one thing, it involves you making the best decision for yourself (always good). For another, it keeps people’s expectations in check. Telling the truth in those circumstances usually has positive outcomes. Nobody ever has to guess where you stand on an issue because you let them know what it is and what it ain’t.
On the other hand, letting all of truth out of the honesty jar can be a step too far. There are some situations where ‘truthiness’ , the term Stephen Colbert created that is defined by Urban Dictionary as “the quality of stating concepts one wishes or believes to be true, rather than the facts,” is crucial to your survival.  When your lover asks you what you are wearing right now, you don’t always have to tell him ‘hole-y granny panties that used to be white.’ If your sister asks you if her boyfriend is cute, just nod up and down and say ‘mmmm’ – no need to tell her that her man looks like a swamp donkey.  Saving face is not always bad, especially if it’s not going to harm anyone.
Keeping it overly real has the tendency to go wrong at some point, as the uppercut bus driver is finding out all too well. I just try to make sure what I say is honest enough to keep me from getting struck down by lightening. Telling it like it is can put you in hot water sometimes, but like the old adage says, honesty is the best policy.

From BlackVoices.com

So you meet the man of your dreams, set up shop and make plans to grow old together. Then you find out that his plan does not include having children…ever.

Do you: a) run for the hills; b) give up your hopes of having a mini-me to call your own; or c) proceed with the marriage and then flush your contraception down the toilet so you can get pregnant anyway?

Last week’s episode of Cafe Mom Studios’ Coffee Shop Confessions took on the topic and, more broadly, the idea of lying to your spouse. The subject of debate? A mother who says that she stopped taking her birth control pills without her husband’s knowledge (and against his will presumably) and is now expecting their third child.

“Talk about deceitful!” says Timberly Whitfield, who co-hosts the 10-part YouTube series with Andrew Shue of “Melrose Place” and co-founder of Do Something, Alex McCord of the “Real Housewives of New York,” and actress and dancer Julie Knight.

An international survey conducted in 2009 revealed that spouses are most likely to mislead each other over their whereabouts, but most are far more scrupulous on matters related to sex, money and “the kids.”

For the complete story, visit BlackVoices.com.

More on Madame Noire!

• Where Are They Now? The Cast of “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”
• Is 3 Months Too Long to Wait for Sex? The 90 Day Rule from a Man’s Point of View
• It Takes Two to Tango: Why Do We Always Focus Blame On The Other Woman?
• What’s Better for Your Hair? Flat Iron vs. Hot Comb
• Indie Pop Group Declares They’ve ‘Got A Thing For Black Girls’ in New Music Video
• Brooklyn Man Locked Up Nearly a Year for Rape Even Though Victim Recanted Story
• Think Like A Man’s Gabrielle Union, Meagan Good and Regina Hall Discuss “The Man List”
• For A Limited Time Only: 7 Signs You Might Be A Rebound

Every day, women are plagued with thoughts of uncertainty with regard to their partner’s fidelity. Even the most secure women have times of vulnerability. We’re taught to trust our instincts but that lesson is challenged by forced logic, as we control our natural impulses in an effort to save face. No one wants to deal with being cheated on, but if the signs are there, maybe it’s time we wake up and smell the coffee. Don’t ignore these small but pretty clear signs.