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From YourTango

Many people worry that the only solution to this problem is to avoid anyone of the opposite sex — but that’s simply not true! Think about it: If you were to follow this advice to the extreme, half the world would be off-limits to every married person!

Men and women interact all the time despite the reality that a sexual attraction could spark between them. Well-dressed women sit at the boardroom table with dapper men, stylish female sales representatives drop in on male doctors during lunch breaks and well-built male physical trainers gently place their female clients’ body parts in the proper positions on the elliptical machine. Moreover, men and women interact in work cubicles, university lab benches, art, acting and yoga studios throughout the world.

Can people who are potentially sexually attracted to each other form friendships and still be true to their marriage? I believe they can. It is possible to be open to spending time with, work, study or create side-by-side with someone of the opposite sex (if heterosexual) or of the same sex (if gay or lesbian). But as the friendship evolves, it’s the responsibility of the married individual to pay attention to the nature of the relationship. Feeling comfortable around someone is a blessing. But if you or they are starting to feel very close emotionally, it may be a big warning sign.

When you are with someone who could tempt you to compromise your commitment to your spouse, ask yourself one question: Is this new person a friend of my marriage? If he or she is a great buddy of yours, but doesn’t care to know about, or interact with, your spouse, then that could spell trouble for your marriage. I discuss this in detail in my new book, The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity. 

Drawing The Line Between Friendship And Something More:

If you’re not sure about what kind of friend this is, it may take some soul searching on your part. There are instances when it’s not clear whether someone has crossed a boundry and become a threat to the marriage. In those cases, you must seek the opinion of the one person who matters most: your spouse.

Read more at YourTango.com 

WENN.com

Loyalty is a very impressive trait to have, especially for people who are surrounded by celebrities.  So many times it seems as though people who are too amped to get a taste of the limelight that they’ll sell a famous person down the river for fifteen minutes of infamy.  But what’s even more interesting is when celebrities are so loyal that they’ll sometimes put aside their fans’ adoration, their happiness, and to some extreme incidences their own freedom to be loyal to someone or something close to them.  Let’s examine these celebs:

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I am truly surprised by the number of men who are interested in engaging women romantically without actually going through the bother of dating them.  This confuses me.  To whom may I speak to determine when exactly this became appropriate?  I’m not sure how or why men have been able to slide right past the dating/courtship phase into express boo status, but it behooves me to inform all who care to listen that you certainly cannot date me without first dating me.  That’s right, there will be no exclusivity, giving of titles, nor partaking in any activities that lovers do without real tangible dates.  No.  Exceptions.

Let me provide some context.  While I absolutely adore my chick clique, I really enjoy forging friendships with men.  I like to keep a tight circle of both male and female companions with whom I can both enjoy life and commiserate over its disappointments.  Unlike most men, not every relationship I start with the opposite sex begins with the notion that I am attracted to a man and want to “see what’s up.”  The vast majority of the time, I’m simply thinking he seems cool, I’d like to hang out, might be fun—very similarly to when I meet a woman who seems interesting.  I will say though that there are times when friendship is absolutely what I’m pursuing but I’m also slightly open to the possibility of something romantic.

When the latter is true, and I haven’t quite decided whether I’m more interested in a platonic or romantic endeavor, what a guy says and does is essential.  Listen, if we agree to meet for coffee and a guy doesn’t attempt to pay, if he doesn’t call or text in a manner that leaves no doubt that he wants me to consider him an option, and if he doesn’t actually make plans to see me or find ways to be in my presence, I assume he wants to be a friend…not a romantic interest.  There is therefore no more thought on my part about whether he might be an interesting romantic option; I follow his lead and place him in the friend zone.

Just like there are things that a woman can do that men often interpret as indicators that she is not giving them a green light and that she instead wants to make them her new BFF, there are things that a man can do that communicate the same thing to women.

Can we all agree that there are just things that men do when they are truly interested in women?  When a man wants a woman, he doesn’t want to do the things that friends do; he makes it crystal clear that he wants to be her man.  When a woman manages to disrupt the cool of a man and capture his attention, he wants to SEE hear; he wants to HEAR her voice; he wants to IMPRESS her and he will gladly spend both his time and money.  If a man sends random text messages but doesn’t call, if he doesn’t make plans, if he lets a woman pay their first time out, she should assume that he wants to be friends—because that’s not what men who don’t want to be friends do, in my experience at least.

Men, realize that if you are interested in a woman at any level and are doing any of the above, you are sending out friend vibes.  If you don’t want to be friends, stop this now.  And women, if there is a man that you are interested in who is doing any of the above, friend zone him immediately!

There’s this come over and chill pandemic that is sweeping the nation.  Somehow men are finding a way to finagle this scenario into faux romances, and sometimes full-blown relationships…and women are letting them.  This must stop.  I’ll come over and chill with you, no doubt.  Sometimes I just want to lay back and watch the game, but if you are just getting to know me and all you want to do is chill…you’re the homie, not an option.  If you’ve been doing all the things that pals do and none of the things that men who want to be set apart from the masses do, your actions cement you in the “friend” zone and keep you from advancing to “put me in, coach” territory.

I have literally shaken my head at my “friends,” who after doing nothing but friendly things start to look at me romantically, increase the length of their hugs, want to cuddle when we’re chilling, inquire about the men I’m dating, and send me late night messages about how I should “swing through.”  Nah son.  I don’t do those things with my friends and in order to be more than my friend, you’ve got to properly date me.

You can’t just fall into relationship.  It’s been my experience that women fare much better in relationships when the man of the relationship is slightly more into the woman than she is into him.  And, men seem to be all around more excited about women that they had to actually expend effort to win over.  It’s just wise for women to require men to actually take the time to date them before settling into relationship.  Sheez, in the words of Kanye “make it more harder, make [him] put some work in.”

This moving folks from the friend lane directly to HOV boo express lanes without properly traversing those lanes of traffic that separate the two is bound to cause accidents.  I cannot support.

What say you?  Where do you stand on the issue?

Sheena Bryant is a writer and blogger in Chicago.  Follow her on twitter at @song_of_herself.

“The Thirst Is Real.” Is it? Isn’t it? These days, “the thirst” has become a ubiquious term showing up everywhere from Frank Ocean’s tweets to ratchet reality shows. But what is the thirst? In our series “The ThirstFiles,” we decide to share stories and essays that communicate one angle of the thirst whether it involves a woman who develops a sexual addiction or a married man who stalks for affection via the internet. Just so you know, we’re not taking ourselves too seriously here but wanted to take a more focused approach to understanding this thing called “The Thirst” lol. Enjoy our fourth installment and let us know what other angles of the thirst you’d like to see explored. 

By Darren Bell*

Repeated listening of my “G’s Up H*e’s Down” playlist wasn’t enough to purge the bitter feelings of resentment experienced by my ego when a woman I had been dating for the past three months apparently decided to terminate our relationship, unbeknownst to me. I certainly have gone through my share of relationships to understand sugar can turn to s**t, things fall apart, and all good things must come to an end, but what bothered me and left me confounded was that she simply disappeared. Number changed, Facebook profile deleted, twitter account non-existent, no responses from email. She went missing in action, absent without leave, leaving me in that uncomfortable state of suspended uncertainty, relegated to ponder the infinite lists of what’s and whys which could all be summed up in three simple letters…WTF.

The more time went by, the more preoccupied I became with attempting to find answers to the mysteries left by my missing lover. In all honesty I wasn’t sure what I was looking for.  Her abrupt disappearing act engendered a wide range of emotions and the more I thought about the time she and I spent together, the private things we confided in each other, and the moments of intimacy we shared, the deeper I seemed to submerge myself in a convoluted sea of feelings and prospective actions I should or could take. While her contact information may have changed, I thought about the information I did have, like her email password which she voluntarily gave me earlier in our relationship. I could access her email account and snoop around, I thought. Or maybe I should do a pop-up visit at her job or her house. Until then, I’ve always thought that making unannounced visits to a significant other’s home or job breached the threshold of dating decorum and was a direct violation of the G-code so with all of these thoughts circulating, a conflict began to emerge. The strong, impassioned heartfelt emotion  I was feeling was starting to take over the logical part of my mind.  It was like I could literally see the good angel on my shoulder telling me to let things go, while simultaneously the bad angel was yelling at me saying “C’mon man, go to that b***h’s house and get some answers. Thankfully, my male ego wouldn’t allow me to act so desperately.

Before I let the situation turn me into a stalker,  I called one of my homegirls to vent. My intent was to explore the female psyche, solicit advice, insight, maybe get some warm words of comfort. Instead, after pouring my heart out to my female friend, I was met with cynicism and laughter. She was surprised that someone disappearing without notice was something I hadn’t experienced before. Her take was that men pull disappearing acts all the time without the consideration of a phone call or text message. And while she didn’t mean to laugh at me, she confessed that she found a slight sense of satisfaction knowing that a man actually experienced something women experience quite regularly. (Some friend huh?)

Our conversation was surprising to me. She spoke of people ending relationships without notice in such a cavalier manner that she made it seem like it was common practice. While we debated the different ways and reasons why lovers disappear and whether men were more culpable than women, it became clear that leaving a relationship without notice is a form of emotional abandonment. While this may be the first time for me, after talking to several other people they confirmed that it happens quite frequently. I decided instead of devoting energy to figuring out why my ex-lover left, I would let the good angel win and put the energy into moving on. I can’t front, I’m still hurt, and when Gotye’s “Someone I Used to Know” plays on the radio, I definitely turn that ish all the way up. But when all is said and done, I’m still bumping a track from my “G’s Up, Hoes Down” playlist. Right now, Jay-Z’s “On to the Next One” get’s my mind right.

*Author’s name changed to protect the thirsty.

Have you ever gotten thirsty when a man disappeared on you?

More on Madame Noire!

• Bet You Didn’t Know: Secrets Behind The Making Of “How Stella Got Her Groove Back”
• I’ll Be Moving On: How I Stopped Ugly Crying And Reminiscing And Finally Got Over Him
• “Girl, You’ve Got a Big ‘Ol Juicy Booty!” 7 Ways Men Hurt Their Chances With Women
• What’s The Statute Of Limitations On Blaming Your Childhood For Your Actions As An Adult?
• Lessons From A Recovering Addict: How I Got Over My Past Loves
• An Open Letter to My Single Sistas: Stop Searching For Him
• Is Ryan Gosling Singing Jodeci!? 9 White Celebrities And Their “Blackest” Moments

From HelloBeautiful.com

Okay, okay, traditionally, everyone has or wants that one special someone to go home to and play kissy face with. But what if you’re just not a one-person woman? People may pretend it’s a big deal, but really, it’s okay. The Frisky thinks so too. That’s why they came up with ten ways to juggle more than one lover… if polyamory is your thing.

You’ve got a whole lot of love and you want to give it away to every Tom, package and Mary! While swinging around town, perking up your love life with new stud muffins sounds oh-so-swexy, there are some pitfalls of passion that could ruin the relationship you’ve already got going on. Loving more than one person at a time, or polyamory, is an exciting lifestyle, but you’ve got to make sure you’re not living too dangerously. You have to look out for jealousy, fear and, of course, number one. So, here are some tips on how to juggle multiple partners and safely share your fun lovin’ attitude about swex after the jump….

For all the frisky tips, visit HelloBeautiful.com.

More on Madame Noire!

• Happy Until They Got Married: Broken Celebrity Couples
• Training Day: Things You Should Never Have To Teach Your Man
• Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems: Mega Millions Winner Won’t Share Money With Lotto Pool
• Do You Go Too Hard For Your Favorite Celebrity?
• Uh Oh: Is Swizz Beatz Creeping With His Ex?
• Charlie Bell:Kenya’s Recklessly Spending My Money To Get Back At Me
• An Open Letter To Mary J. Blige Re: Her Buffoonish Burger King Commercial
• What Does It Really Mean To Think Like A Man?

You may think that Valentine’s Day is the day that lovers look forward, but it’s retailors who are rejoicing.  According to Reuters, 59 percent of adults say they will celebrate Valentine’s Day this year, and the National Retail Federation estimates Americans will spend about $18 billion in celebration.

But where does the money go? The average guy will spend about $168 on the day, while women will most likely to spend half of that. The majority of people will buy a greeting card, candy and flowers. It’s no surprise that florists say Valentine’s Day is one of their biggest money drivers of the year–almost 200 million roses will be sold.  Still, the floral industry can’t touch the sales made in jewelry.

“Our sales jump about 200 percent around Valentine’s Day, and — tough economic climate or not — they’ve grown in both quantity and average price over the past three years,” Josh Holland, the spokesman for Blue Nile online jewelry told Reuters.

He sees big sales for necklaces, earrings, diamond eternity rings and diamond studs, with some customers spending as much as $25,000. According to Holland, last year one person bought a $240,000 5.2 carat diamond set in platinum for his lucky Valentine.

Most people also spend their Valentine’s Day eating out. The restaurant industry makes about $3.6 billion for the night. Scott Jampol, the senior director of the reservation service OpenTable, tells Reuters that two-thirds of couples will spend more than $100 on dinner and about 10 percent will spend more than $200. Las Vegas, Miami and New York will see the most restaurant diners on the special day.

“To me, the best kind of Valentine’s gift is giving someone their favorite things, not going over the top with something extravagant that is impractical and they might not even like,” registered nurse J Lucy Boyd said to Reuters. She plans to buy her husband a $5 card and prepare a steak dinner that’ll run her about $25. In return, her husband will take her to lunch for her all-time favorite meal—Chinese food.

“It’s the little things, not the big ones, that make for a lasting happy relationship,” she said.

How much do you plan to spend on Valentine’s Day and how much do you hope your date spends on you?

When picking between a “bad guy” or “nice guy,” often times the “bad guy” wins the fight, but why?  It’s not so much that “nice” isn’t good, but for women  I think being good and attractive are two different things.

Check out these 7 reasons why women end up with bad boys instead of nice guys…

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Mind-blowing sex is a beautiful and honorable gift within the context of marriage.  It is truly wonderful when sexual intercourse between spouses is so good that their neighbors really do know their names.    Oftentimes, however, a spouse can cause adversely affect their sex life in a significant way by screaming or moaning the name of another person, especially a past lover.  Some cynics and commentators may state, “What the big deal?”  Well, there have been numerous documented cases where spouses, especially women, have been strangled and murdered calling their spouse by the wrong name in the heat of the moment.  Now, if you and your spouse are role playing and you have both agreed to call each other different names, then it is obviously fine.  If not, you have made a serious bedroom blunder.  To avoid severe repercussions and to preclude your neighbors from hearing the wrong name, it is recommended that you implement the following actions to prevent an embarrassing mishap…

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