All Articles Tagged "love"
When love is new, it leaves you saying “my bad” a lot to friends and family who feel left hanging. All of those hormones that leave you dangerously in love are great for your heart and your new relationship. But they’re terrible for everything else.
During those first few crazy months, we are not ourselves. We neglect our friends, don’t have time to call our family members like we said we would, and spend a good deal of time in the bedroom under the covers. Sometimes love even makes you get on your own nerves.
But most of us are guilty of getting a little lax, so there’s no need to feel too bad about it. Just politely ask your loved ones for a pass on these behaviors brought upon by a new relationship and promise to pay it forward the next time someone else loses their mind over a wonderful new love.
Are you good with money? Are you sure? Because there’s a new study that suggests that most of us are not as good with money as we think — especially when we’re in love.
When you’re single, counting coupons, signing up for deals, and cooking at home might be part of your savings strategy. But as it turns out, when most of us fall in love, our wallets get just as overwhelmed as our hearts. And the strangest part? Most of us don’t even realize it.
Check out these ways love makes you bad with money to see the ways we all get fiscally funny when it comes to matters of the heart. The real question? Will this make us change our spending habits? (Um…probably not.)
Between the appetizers, drinks and main courses, men and women drop major coins in an attempt to wine and dine prospective partners. And don’t forget about dessert.
Behind closed doors, women whisper to each other about intuition. We say that we have the power to feel the molecules change in a room, and we know when our children are somewhere they shouldn’t be. Our hearts have ears attuned to the dishonesties of silence. This intuition, which I believe rises from somewhere ancient and divine, keeps us safe. Maybe it’s our direct communication with God.
The problem is, however, we misuse it.
Abusing our intuition manifests in two ways. First, we sometimes ignore the still small voice that beckons us toward something better. Secondly, and more often overlooked, we mistake our personal fears and biases as intuition. We use our judgments about things we don’t understand and pretend our “gut” told us to steer clear.
When talking to my best friend over drinks, she confessed feeling a deep level of calm at the pace of her new relationship. She was going super slow, but her new boyfriend worried that she was holding back. The thing was, he wasn’t exactly a new man in her life. She was in a new relationship with an old lover.
“I don’t know if I’m being guarded or trusting my gut,” she says. “I hope I’m not closed off to love.”
The friend in me wanted to shake her. I wanted to tell her that she needed to trust herself. I knew their history, and I wanted to tell her that her pacing was fine, but deep down inside, I realized that I had my own questions about my intuition. In an effort to be a bit wiser than I was the day before, I find myself slower to act, and I frequently wonder if my discretion is good sense or if I’m not open to new possibilities. I couldn’t give her advice that I couldn’t stand behind, so I just listened. But I was left wondering, how can we tell the difference between our intuition and our caution? It’s an ongoing experiment for me, but here are a few ways I try to keep myself honest:
I journal. A friend of mine is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for many years. When rereading his old journals, he discovered that he’d written that he was an alcoholic almost a year before he found himself in recovery. “My journal was the only place I could be honest,” he’d said. I find this is true for myself as well. Our minds are so chaotic that honest thoughts get mixed in with the noise. If we can find ways to get our thoughts out, we’re more able to see the difference.
I ask friends to listen. Sometimes, when I’m confused, I ask a friend to listen to me and repeat back what she’s hearing. Now, this doesn’t mean your friend is going to give you advice or tell you what she would do. That’s not what you need. He or she is simply meant to listen to you while you rant, and then report back what they’ve heard you say. Often, our words in someone else’s mouth can bring us clarity. “Oh sh*t,” we think as our friends tell us what they’ve heard. “Did I really say that?”
I pray on it. I’m not an overwhelmingly religious person, but I cannot think of a single time when I’ve asked God for guidance and didn’t receive some insight. I am able to live more openly than most because I truly believe that life won’t let me go too far down a path that is ultimately not for me. Granted, this is a two-way street. I try to live my life righteously and do the best for everyone I meet, but ultimately, I can live a little more openly because I know that I don’t walk through this life alone.
Only my friend knows if she’s holding back out of fear or intuition, but when I find myself holding back in the name of emotional danger, I like to remember that I am the descendant of those who survived. I come from a lineage of strong and powerful people, and carry the genes of the strongest of the strong. So often, our caution does a disservice to this strength. We protect ourselves as if we’re more fragile than we are. In the end, only you can decide when something is safe, but my hope is that we can all get closer to our intuition and further away from guardedness so we can love and live more freely every day.
Patia Braithwaite is a New York City-based relationship writer. You can follow her ridiculous tales of love, life, and travel on her personal blog, Men, Myself, and God. She also tweets and ‘grams whenever the mood strikes her @pdotbrathw8.
Sometimes when you’re stuck in a rut, it seems like no matter what you do you just keep spinning your wheels. Lord knows you want to move on. And you’ve talked about it, tried it, but another year has gone by, and your goals seem like they’re just as far away as ever.
The trouble could be that even though you’re pushing forward, parts of your life are holding you back. If you want to really move on and live the life you’ve dreamed of, you have to let go of a few anchors first. From toxic friends to self-doubt, there are some weights that are too heavy to move forward with.
We don’t always know about all of the luggage we’re carrying. But once you spot it, you’ll be surprised at how quickly you can move forward when you get rid of it. Life can be a struggle, but sometimes it’s as easy as opening up your fingers and letting go.
(As relayed by Lauren R.D. Fox based on a culmination of experiences)
While on vacation in Denver, Colorado, I met Jay who lived in the surrounding area. We hooked up and the sex was so good I decided to hang out with him for the rest of my trip. Although my friends were peeved that I ditched them, I was in dire need of testosterone, especially after being on vacation for a week with six women.
During that time, Jay took me to his favorite restaurants and lounges. Everything was perfect — until one morning he suggested we go for a run. Now to be real, I had no business working out with my 20-inch Peruvian weave. By the time I met Jay, it had already been through so much—chlorine water, sweaty, smoked out clubs and me being too lazy to put a silk scarf on at night. But I began to really like Jay and didn’t want him to think I was “that” type of Black girl who didn’t participate in physical activities because of her hair. So I decided to take the “L” and run a few miles with Jay. Our run became a hike; Jay said he wanted me to see the impeccable view of the city. So again, I found myself taking one for the team in the name of lust and adventure.
By the time we made it to the top of the mountain, I felt proud of my physical capabilities but when Jay suggested we take a victory selfie, my happiness suddenly turned into fury. My leave out was in need of a flat iron and my weave a tangled mess. Although I tried to smile for our picture, Jay could tell I was upset.
He suggested we go back to his place so I could unwind and figure out my hair situation. By the time we got back to his place, I tried combing through my weave with my fingers, only for them to be met with knots. I washed my hair but that only made the situation worse. On the brink of tears, I told Jay he’s responsible and needed to pay me $200 for the damages caused by his run-turn-hike. “You’re wildin’’” Jay said as he chuckled, although I didn’t find the situation funny.
Should Jay pay me or am I overreacting?
For many women, marriage means no more bad first dates or kissing frogs who want to #Wastehertime2016. It’s a time for you to commit on a deeper level to your fiancé and even steal his last name. And while you plan to spend the rest of your life with your partner, it’s important to think about how you will (legally) change your name, especially after saying “I do,” but before you travel for your honeymoon. Here are four tips on how to travel when you’re changing your name.
Don’t Use Your Marriage Certificate
Your marriage certificate cannot be used as a form of identification, especially in security checkpoints like TSA. Use your passport or driver’s license when you’re traveling.
A Gift From The State Department
If you filed for a new passport before getting hitched, you have a year (from your wedding date) to file for another passport in your new name. Even better, this second passport will be free of charge from the State Department.
Booking Honeymoon Ticket
If you booked your honeymoon ticket with your maiden name but your identification documents have your new name, some airlines may charge you a full fare for a ticket that has your new last name on it.
New Passport Timeline
The State Department takes (on average) five weeks to issue new passports. Therefore, it’s best to create a timetable of when you should travel after your wedding.
Aside from traveling, it’s important to update your name in order to vote in the upcoming election. Danielle Tate, the CEO and founder of MissNowMrs.com, helps newlyweds ease into the process of changing their name. In her blog about changing your maiden name to your married name and how it affects how you can vote, Tate shared that you can file a voter’s registration form to update your name. It is important to file the form two to three weeks before your vote.
For more information on updating your name, visit MissNowMrs.com.
h/t Travel + Leisure
(As relayed by Lauren R.D. Fox based on a culmination of experiences)
I met Mark on Tinder five months ago and, unlike the average Tinder relationship, we’ve had a whirlwind romance.
We complement each other perfectly and my family loves Mark just as much as I do. Since Mark is originally from Greece, his entire family still lives there so I haven’t met his parents or siblings yet.
Much to my surprise, Mark asked if I would like to travel to Greece to meet them. I was ecstatic to receive such an invitation and happy to be in a relationship where I didn’t have to wait an eternity to meet a significant other’s family. Immediately after our conversation, Mark booked our tickets and last week we flew out to his beautiful home country.
Upon arrival, Mark and I were picked up by his brothers at the airport. They were hilarious and I had a good feeling that I would feel welcomed the same way by the entire family. Once we arrived at Mark’s family home, the rest of his family poured out offering to help us with our luggage and get us settled for our two-week stay. His parents were affable and I felt overwhelmed to find someone whose life fit so perfectly with mine. That was until I tasted Mark’s mother’s cooking.
Now, to be clear, I love Greek food. Just thinking about it makes me salivate. But Mark’s mother’s food tastes bland and she’s never made her food look appealing. On the third day of our trip, I found three local restaurants I could eat at so I could avoid her food but Mark caught on and is now upset. He thinks it’s disrespectful for me not to eat his mother’s cooking but, truth be told, I didn’t fly nine-plus hours to eat distasteful food. Now he’s annoyed with me and has given me the cold shoulder even though his mother has not.
Should I force myself to eat her cooking or am I justified to dine at the restaurants?
I love the internet and all of its subjectivity. And social media, specifically, allows us all to read whatever we want and share whatever we want displaying the parts of ourselves we ultimately want to believe. Very eloquently, Leonard Mlodinow explained this concept in his book Subliminal: How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior. He states that one’s brain is part scientist and part lawyer; but it is much better at being the latter than the former. What he means is that we all have an ideal sense of self and will look for all of the evidence to convince ourselves that it is true. In other words, we become who we think we are in our relationships.
Last night, my friend Keya shared via Facebook an article from Thought Catalog entitled “Ten Reasons Why The Best Relationship of Your Life Will Be With a Girl Who ‘Loves Too Much.” It’s a well-written piece. However, the writer/cynic in me saw it as a piece in which an ideal that was written for women to relate to and of course, share and like (and love) repeatedly. There’s nothing wrong with this, but the woman that was described was nothing short of a unicorn. Too perfect, I think. There’s a yin to every yan that gives balance. So as a guy, I’m going to point the tidbits that jumped out to me effortlessly.
FOR THE RECORD: I personally love this kind of woman. For every quality we love about people are also roots for the things we cannot stand. BOTH contribute to the charms that we love about them.
1. She will bring incredible positivity to your life…And for all of the positivity means taking everything to heart which leads to drama.
Loving hard means being emotional. Being emotional means that one [usually] has a very high emotional IQ. Having heightened senses means said person very sensitive. Emotions and logic are oil and water. That is why we have two sides to regulate the other. In the heat of the moment, shit can and will get very real.
2. She will get you over any past relationship, hurt, or trust issue…But she won’t be over hers.
Generally speaking, we all give advice that we don’t necessarily adhere to. When others do it, we call it being hypocritical. When we do it, it’s called “being human.” Classic case of the brain pulling a “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit” on ourselves.
3. She will show you what love really feels like…And love suffers long.
The biblical definition of love starts off with “Love suffers long.” In other words, love means putting up with someone’s shit. We put up with someone’s shit because they suffer through ours. It’s a perpetual circumstance that makes us all appreciate others.
4. She will never let you feel empty…And will let you KNOW when she feels empty.
People who love too much are very self-aware. They are very in-tune with their feelings and can articulate it to a tee. Because being emotional is an “in the moment” kind of thing, one must express their unhappiness while they are feeling that way…otherwise they will burst at the seams. This isn’t even including all of the times they have talked everything out with their friends and the proverbial battery has been put into their back, WITHOUT consorting with the person first (a top three killer of relationships).
5. She will teach you forgiveness…and not forget a damn thing you’ve done.
You must forgive and forget…but they won’t. In a period of happiness and tranquility, there will be “I think it’s funny that…”
Chad Milner is a New York-based writer who founded the blog Single Dadventures, where he pens his (mis)adventures with his daughter, Cydney. He regularly contributes to Madamenoire, as well as various websites, giving insight on parenting, dating, relationships and music from the perspective of a young, single Black father. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram.
Your mother may be on your case about finding that “special someone,” but are you really alone? It’s 2016, and most of us know that we don’t need a man to make us happy. But do we know what relationship we’re in and that we have that does make us happy?
Whether you’re married to your job, in a serious relationship with your best friend, or going the distance with the idea of Mr. Right while loving on and getting to know yourself the right way, these might be the relationships in your life that bring you the happiness you’ve been looking for.
Being in love with being a mom to your child is not only a relationship, but it’s also one of the best ones.
When you feel some room open up for you to be able to add something or someone extra to the picture, that’s exactly who a prospective partner will be: “extra.” They will add on to the happiness you already have.
Children of single parents grew up with a mom or dad who seemed to be able to do it all. And kids who grew up watching those shining examples come to expect a lot from their partners. We know what it’s like to be a superwoman, and that makes us fiercely independent. But that doesn’t mean that we’re not looking for a partner to lean on sometimes, just for something a little different.
Early on, kids of single parents learned what not to do, what they do want in a relationship and how to be happy outside of one. Different points of view on love make us all unique. And those quirks affect who we choose, how we love them and what we want out of life. That includes the good and the bad, but it’s all love in the end. Check out the interesting ways some children of single parents look at love.
We Have A Tough Outer Shell
But that’s just the outside. Once you prove you’re worthy of letting in, it’s all unconditional love on the inside.