All Articles Tagged "love"

“I Grew Up With A Lot of Conflict And Trauma” Beyoncé Shares Life Lessons In New Video “Yours And Mine”

December 12th, 2014 - By Veronica Wells
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Beyoncé Shares Life Lessons In New Video

Source: YouTube

Beyoncé is showing us all types of facets of her personality these days. In lieu of press tours and interviews, she’s sharing more and more of herself through her actual art work. This time though she’s not singing. In celebration of the one year anniversary of her self-titled visual album, in one of her standard video diary confessional type reflections, Beyoncé talks about the lessons she’s learned, giving us a sneak peek into her perspective on the world. Her are some quotes from the 11 min video below.

Fame 

I sometimes wish I could be anonymous and walk down the street like everyone else. Before I was famous, I was the girl on the hill with the guitar. I was the girl who just wanted a beautiful view of the beach. And now that I’m famous, it’s really really difficult to do really, really simple things. I think it’s the hardest thing to give up. But my mother always taught me to be strong and to never be a victim. Never make excuses. Never expect anyone else to provide for me, things I know I can provide for myself. I have dreams and I feel like I have a power to actually make those dreams actually become a reality.

When you’re famous no one looks at you as a human anymore. You become the property of the public. There’s nothing real about it. You can’t put your finger on who I am. I can’t put my finger on who I am.

Growing up 

I grew up with a lot of conflict and traumas and I’ve been through a lot, just like everyone else. My escape was always music and I’m so lucky that that’s my job.

I was brought up seeing my mother try to please and make everyone comfortable. And always felt like it was my job to fix the problem…people pleaser. But I’m no longer afraid of conflict. And I don’t think conflict is a bad thing cuz I know that when you grow up, when you learn a few things you’re no longer afraid of letting go. You’re no longer afraid of the unknown.

If I hadn’t gone through some of the painful experiences in my life, I would not be me.

Love 

But if I accomplished all of these things and had no one to share with, it would be worth nothing. You know, you need something real in order for any of this stuff to matter. You have to have something that is forever, something that’s invisible.

Marriage 

People feel like they lose something when they get married. But it doesn’t have to be that way. There’s nothing more exciting than having a witness to your life. 

Her body 

I feel like my body is borrowed and this life is very temporary. 

I watched my friend’s body deteriorate. And to watch someone pass on so gracefully put everything into perspective. We do not value ourselves enough. Especially young people don’t appreciate how brilliant our bodies are. I’ve always been very very specific and very choosey…very choosey about what I do with my body and who I want to share that with.

Feminism 

I always consider myself a feminist although I was always afraid of that word because people put so much on it. When honestly it’s very simple, it’s just a person that believes in equality for men and women. Men and women balance each other out and we have to get to a point where we are comfortable with appreciating each other.

I have a lot of empathy for men and the pressures that they go through and the cultures that have been created, especially for African American men. I have the same empathy for women and the pressures we go through. A woman has to provide so many things for their children. I consider myself a humanist. 

And her final thought: 

One thing that’s for sure, the love I have for music, for my husband, for my child is something that will last far beyond my life.

She also speaks about depending on other people, happiness and other life observations in the video below. Take a look below and let us know what you think

The Fire We Make: Shockingly Bold Ways To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom

December 10th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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You two used to wear out the mattress springs. But now that your relationship has matured, things in the bedroom are… fizzling.

You’re not alone. And the good news is, there’s a lot you can do to spice things up in the bedroom again. You just have to be brave enough to try something bold.

Image Source: Vintage Books

Image Source: Vintage Books

Read 50 Shades Of Grey

And join the S&M revolution. But be careful before you crack open those pages. That book has spiced up so many bedrooms since it was published, it started a new baby boom. So maybe buy condoms first.

“Will I Ever Get Married?” Let These Stats Answer That Question

December 9th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Been asking yourself “will I ever get married?” Statistics suggest that the answer is “no.” But there’s no need to panic. The future for women isn’t as bleak as it seems.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Black Men Are In High Demand

When SugarDaddy.com asked it’s users what they wanted most in a man, the answer was universally “a black one” — even though less than 4% of the site’s users are black. With black men becoming the most desirable demographic on-screen and off, already-slim pickings are getting even slimmer.

No Thanksgiving Invite? 7 Obvious Sign You’re A Jump Off

November 27th, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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7 Obvious Sign You're A Jump Off

Source: Shutterstock

So you’ve been “dating” this guy for quite sometime and you’re really starting to develop feelings for him. You’re ready to take things to the next level but you’re not quite sure how he feels. You finally muster up the courage to ask him just exactly where you stand with him and where the relationship is going and he responds with those dreadful words no woman ever wants to hear: “I’m not ready for a relationship,” “I’m just having fun right now,” or the all time favorite, “it’s not you, it’s me.”

Caught off guard, you can’t believe your ears because, after all, in your mind you have been spending “a lot” of time together, or have you? It’s time for you to assess your situation and realize that you probably were just a jump off. As hard as it may be to face the fact that you’ve been played, it’s a necessary period of reflection so you don’t find yourself in the same position again.

Here are 7 dead giveaway signs that you’re just a jump off. Warning: you may experience one or all of these signs at any given time.

1. The 2:00 a.m. phone calls. It’s 2:00 in the morning and your phone rings. Although you’re halfway sleep, you answer the phone only to hear a voice on the other end asking if he can stop by. Anxiously you agree because, after all, he called you instead of someone else so of course that must mean he’s so into you, right? Wrong! Nevertheless, you immediately jump out the bed and freshen up as you await for your company to arrive……at 2:00 a.m.

2. His friends don’t know you exist. Despite the fact he’s always hanging out with his friends, you’ve never met them nor does he ever invite you to. When a guy is truly into you, he doesn’t hesitate to show you off to his friends. He’s so proud to have you on his arm and in his life that he doesn’t waste anytime bragging on you.

3. No happy holidays. Thanksgiving is here and you eagerly made plans, anticipating spending time together. However he comes up with an excuse for why he’s not available to spend the day with you. Or even worse, he shows up at your house after all the festivities are over. And to make matters worse, he uses his mother, his kids or his job as an excuse.

4. He introduces you as just a friend. Whenever you’re out together and he runs into someone he knows, he introduces you, if he does at all, as just a friend. This introduction is necessary to let others know he’s not committed and still very much available to anyone who’s interested.

5. No daytime dates. Whenever the two of you get together it’s always at night in a low-key location without high visibility. His justification: “I want to spend some quiet alone time with you.” Although these outings are not really dates, he does just enough to show some interest to keep you hanging around just so he can hit it and quit it whenever he wants.

6. Affection equals sex. The only time he shows any affection is when you two are having sex. You desire more affection and attention but P.D.A. is so far off his radar that you would have better luck finding Waldo. Try denying him sex one night and watch how quickly he and your pseudo-relationship disappear.

7. You can’t get in touch with him. Like an old cell phone plan, his nights and weekends aren’t free! He is never available to talk when you want to, so you sit by the phone waiting for a call that never comes. He conveniently comes up with excuses that include: my phone was on vibrate, I didn’t hear it ringing, my phone was in the other room, I left it at home by accident or I was out of the area and I couldn’t get any reception (side-eye).

Whether we want to admit it or not, we have all played the fool for love. We auditioned, got the starring role and were unknowingly cast as the jump off in someone else’s relationship drama. While we can certainly say shame on them for doing us wrong, at some point it becomes shame on us for allowing ourselves to be done wrong. Once you have learned the signs of being a jump off, you have no one to thank, for your best actress in a drama award, but yourself. So take a bow and exit stage left. It’s time for women to become more responsible and accountable for ourselves, get off the emotional roller coaster and require better for our love lives.

CatalystCon Pic

Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist!  Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

Girlfriend VS Wife: Is Being Good To Your Man Keeping You From The Altar?

November 4th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Could acting like a wife before he puts a ring on it be keeping you from getting married? Some women who want to head down the aisle say “yes.” It’s fun to play house with the man you love, but these women say that abstainging from these wifely duties will help him decide whether he wants to commit much sooner.

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Compromise

If you’re planning on getting married, there’s plenty of time for making it work when things get rough. But if you’re being bugged by a deal beaker, don’t be afraid to let it go. If you’e only going to commit to one man for the rest of your life, better make sure it’s right.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: What His First Date Body Language Is Telling You

November 4th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Does he think you’re the one? Or is he just waiting for the check? Learn these clues to what his first date body language is telling you and you’ll never have to wonder again.

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

You Locked Eyes

We’ll start with the good stuff: eye contact for more than three seconds? You’re officially looking deep into each other’s eyes. Time to break the gaze and smile or go ahead and lean in for a kiss.

What Every Woman Should Know About Men

October 30th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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There are some things that every woman should know about men. Could changing you point of view change you relationship for the better?

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

You Should Never Check His Internet History

You don’t like it when men watch pornography, he’s wired to love watching pornography. The best solution? A “don’t ask/don’t tell” policy for your pc.

Is It Like Or Lust? Why You Should Know Before You Sleep With Him

October 30th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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You’ve just met him and the sparks are flying. But is it like or just lust? Sex can lead to attachment whether you want it or not. So before you jump in bed, be sure your hormones aren’t taking over and pairing you with a guy you might not even like. Asking yourself these questions first could save you from your next dead-end relationship.

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Your Playlist Is R-Rated

Meet a new man and you start playing the songs that make you think about him on repeat. But if your playlist is more R. Kelly than Drake, it could be a sign that you’re only interested in one thing.

What’s Wrong With Women Proposing To Men?

October 24th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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Corbis

Corbis

 

 

From Single Black Male 

Blurred gender roles are a norm in today’s day and age.

Most of us want equality for both sexes in all facets of life. Ideally, this would be the case. The truth is that for this to be, there will be some resistance in some instances. For instance we have today’s subject of marriage proposal. Now some of us may feel that a woman proposing to a man would be tacky. Some simply thing that it isn’t right. We’ll explore this today whether it be in this post or in the comments. But the bottom line is that this here lies the same “what’s good for the goose” ideology. If men can propose to women, so should a woman propose to a man.

Will
this ever be an “in” thing to do?

I’m not sure; what I can give you all, my SBM faithful is my views on it. Heading to brunch this past Sunday I was talking to my boy about this. I told him that serious couples discuss things like marriage and their futures together. To me, if a couple discusses their future together then a woman should feel confident enough to know that one day her man will propose. Whether or not a woman is patient enough to wait is another question.

Of course another question that arises is how long is too long to wait? I really don’t know. Different people have different levels of patience. My patience threshold is pretty solid. This also depends on circumstance and the personalities involved. I’ve seen people get engaged and married within a calendar year; and stay married.  I have also seen couples be married for thirty plus years and still see it fail. So there’s obviously more than one way to skin a cat. When it comes to proposals you can argue there’s no right or wrong way. I say that in regards to who proposes.

I actually dated a woman a while back who said that she would entertain the idea of proposing to a man.

I was shocked to say the least. She was a bit of a go getter. My guess is that maybe more extroverted women are open to proposing to a man. What I did find interesting was a study that I read on menshealth.com. It said that 83% of men won’t wear a “man-gagement” ring. So the majority of us fellas aren’t into this idea basically.

Why am I not into it? I’m a forward thinking cat. I believe in being creative and pushing envelopes. I believe in challenging thoughts and the whole shabang. Strangely enough, I’m still a bit of a traditionalist. I think the proposal process is the time for a guy to be supremely romantic. There’s not another day where a woman should imagine being swept off her feet any better. A woman proposing to us robs us of our creativity for such a special moment. That’s just me.

Read more about female proposals at SingleBlackMale.org 

Serious Question: Would You Call Your Man Daddy?

October 21st, 2014 - By Brande Victorian
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Call Your Man Daddy

Source: Shutterstock

At any given time in a relationship, a woman might have upwards of three or four pet names for her man. We know the staples — boo, baby, and, unfortunately, bae for the ratchets — then there’s always that one random nickname whose meaning only the two of you really know. But what about calling your man daddy? Not the man who raised you and whom you’ve referred to as dad, daddy, or father since you uttered your first word. But the man you kiss, sleep with at night, and do other grown folks things with. Would you call him daddy? Do you?

This is a question that’s always been in the back of my mind and resurfaced again last week when Fantasia praised her rumored hubby on Instagram. While everyone was trying to figure out whether she and Kendall Taylor were really Mr. and Mrs., I was more caught up in Fanny writing “Daddy He Is…” I know good loving can make you say a lot of things (Hello Erica Campbell), but daddy’s never been one of those words to roll off my tongue even in the most playful of moments. And as I got to thinking about what it would take for me to call a man who’s not my daddy “daddy” (with a straight face mind you) I decided he’d have to be paying all my bills and completely taking care of me because that’s my view of a daddy. And since I’m not really on a hunt for someone to do those things for me, as I’ve been doing them for myself for some time now, I don’t foresee myself calling my intimate partner daddy ever in life — again with a straight face.

As we chatted about this topic in the office, other women shared that sentiment, as well as the opinion that considering they still have actual dads who they call daddy it would be weird, to say the least, to also use that same term for their husband. One co-worker even said she can’t stand the end of Beyonce’s song “Rocket” when she begins to moan “Daddy, daddy, oh child, yes lawd…” (you know how it goes) and has to change “daddy” to “baby” just to finish the track without being totally disgusted. I’m sure somewhere there’s a feminist lamenting over the patriarchal implications of calling your man daddy, but for me it’s not even that deep. A daddy, to me, is a specific parenting role that, hopefully, for most women has already been filled by the time they meet another man who will be their life-long partner and fulfill other duties. I’d rather not mince words — or roles.

If a man really is providing your every need, I imagine there is no bigger stroke to the male ego than calling him your big daddy. And since, like good food, ego-stroking is the way to a man’s heart, I imagine the practice does a relationship some good from the male perspective. I just know I couldn’t possibly take myself seriously — and I’m sure no man could either — if I came in the house after 10 hours at work talking about “Hey daddy, how was your day?” But as the saying goes, different (ego) strokes for different folks.

What do you think about calling your man daddy? Do you? If so, when do you use the pet name?