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From YourTango

Our culture promotes sex everywhere from magazine covers to product advertisements. When sex sells, it sets us up to objectify ourselves and others. When we objectify someone, we really don’t see the other person. We lose out on the most intimate loving parts of a relationship and we look to magazines, books and blogs to help us get the relationship we’ve always wanted. What we fail to realize is that the best person to consult about our beauty is ourselves.

When a person owns her innermost self — and is happy with who she is — she projects a beauty radiating with confidence. People naturally are drawn to those who make them feel good. Healthy sexuality and intimacy is about having the courage to love and be loved in return. Here are some ways in which people benefit from sex:

Having a healthy attitude about your sexuality promotes beauty from within. Experts say, “a sexually healthy person is someone who feels comfortable with his or her sexuality.” This means, a person doesn’t view s*x as something naughty, bad, improper or sinful and can engage in it without feeling guilty or anxious. When you’re comfortable with who you are on the inside, your attractiveness is infectious on the outside. Others want to be around you and have what you have.

Read more at YourTango.com

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From Essence

I never believe anyone who says, “I don’t have a jealous bone in my body.” Everyone has experienced some form of jealousy in life, whether it is amongst siblings, friends or even successful people we don’t know. Experiencing jealousy, however, does not make you a jealous person.

My sister-friend has been dating a guy for two months and it has been going great. So much so, she was pretty sure she was ready to take it to the next level with him. Two weeks ago, we were having lunch and she was constantly wondering what he was doing while he was out of town. If he took too long to return a text, she’d repeatedly check her messages and then ultimately send new text messages until he responded.

Four days ago, the guy suggested that they take a break after he caught her going through his phone following a night out where she’d questioned him about every woman to whom he spoke. Infidelity in my sister-friend’s past relationships was one part of the reason she was acting this way. The larger issue was that her insecurities were running rampant and because she really liked this guy she was afraid of losing him. Ironically, her own jealous actions lost him faster than another woman ever could.

Read more at Essence.com

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From HelloBeautiful

I promise you. He is not intimidated by you because you are an independent woman. Yes, you are holding your own in the workplace, making your own money, paying your own rent or mortgage and even buying your own bags and shoes, but I PROMISE, he is not intimidated by that.

It’s something else, and it’s more than likely your failure to turn off that bulldog that has gotten you so far in your career when all a man desires is your beautiful smile and womanly presence. I know this, because I have said a man was intimidated by my being an attorney and I have been proven wrong!

In my first year in law school, one of my female professors shared with us how her husband had to talk her off the ledge of being over-the-top with her family. She stated that as a litigator by trade, she would come home and find herself cross examining her three year old about peanut butter and holding depositions with her husband about the most miniscule details in carpooling. She also shared that it was not helping out in her marriage and/or family life and she had to learn how to scale it down for the sake of her family.

Read more at HelloBeautiful.com

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From YourTango

By Rick Clemons

Now, I can laugh at this thought. Still, just a little over twelve years ago, I would have said the same thing, “I’m not gay, I just like having sex with men!” Ahem, excuse me that sounds a little homosexual to me. Granted, if you’re a male, having sex with a male, you could be bi-sexual, so just admit it and move on. Yet, I didn’t fit that mold twelve years ago, either. I was caught in a dysfunctional sexual limbo that made no sense.

Of course, now things have changed, and it all makes sense…I’m a happy homosexual. I’ve joined the ranks of “Happily Divorced,” and am no longer messing around with other married men, disengaging from the experience, and pretending to be something I’m not. However, contrary to popular belief there are more from whence I came…married men, looking for married men!

Shocking as it may seem to some of you, this phenomena is not new, nor a dwindling fad. Of course I have no cold hard facts to prove this statement, and I don’t need them. All I need is a computer, an Internet connection, and an hour of free time. With those three things at my disposal I can find numerous sites where married men for married men lurk. I can also join online groups where these guys exchange their stories, get support for their dual lives, and of course also find the occasional hook-up. And, then there’s online chat rooms, gay male hook-up sites, gay male apps, that also work for men who are married and just having sex with men, even though their not gay. After all why not fish where your most likely to hook one, especially when you can do it inconito!

Read more at YourTango.com

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From YourTango

There are over two million marriages in the United States and if you are considering joining that number, be sure you know what you’re getting into.  Before you pop the question to your beautiful bride (or groom) to be, you may consider all the things that make you smile – great sex, same taste in food, spontaneous personality – but  you also need to look further down the road.  Here are 3 questions to ask before you ask the biggest question of your life:

Are we having kids, and if so, when?  Believe it or not, the decisions of whether and when to have children can be deal breakers.  So while you may not think it’s a big deal to wait another ten years to have a child, your future spouse may have other plans in mind.  Don’t allow yourself to be in the kind of marriage where your spouse’s gynecologist knows more about her plans to have children then you do.  Raise this conversation before you get married in order to make sure you are on the same page and avoid future disagreements.

Read more at YourTango.com

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From The Grio 

Rapper and actress Eve recently made headlines for her comments about wanting her future children with her Caucasian boyfriend Maximillion Cooper to be raised “colorblind,” which were met with some criticism from fans and critics online. “I don’t want them to see color. I never did,” said 34-year-old Philly native said in an interview with Vibe Vixen. “I grew up in the hood and my mother was very good at it not being a black thing, even though I grew up around all black people. I want them to want to know everything about all kinds of races.”

The emcee, whose new album Lip Lock is in stores now, clarified her “colorblind” statement in a video interview with theGrio, saying she’s surprised that the topic of interracial dating is even relevant to the public anymore.

Read more at TheGrio.com.

Man, the game has been missing Chrisette Michele! After dropping her last album, Let Freedom Reign, in 2010, the singer disappeared out of the music scene for a while. But just a few months ago, she returned with a new look and an even stronger sound, dropping new music for her album Better, being released on June 11. We sat with the gorgeous singer to talk about everything from her hair, to being a bad girlfriend in the past, an addiction to food, why she has love for Beyoncé’s vocal abilities, who she would love to work with and her new music. We’re oh so glad that she’s back. How about you?

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Every couple does it …and I’m not talking about sex, I’m referring to arguing, bickering, quarreling or whatever you’d like to call it. All normal couples fight–be it about jealousy, differences, anxieties, money, sex, work, forgetfulness, children or housework, everyone’s doing it.

There’s nothing wrong with a bit of disagreement. In fact, it can put things into perspective, it can reveal truth, and it can provide understanding about exactly where you and your partner stand in your relationship. However, it’s when you aren’t able to stop fighting that you should be concerned. When arguments become ongoing, trouble seems to brew just as things seem to finally settle, or light bickering becomes biting remarks, then you need to consider what’s happening beneath the surface of all that back-and-forth.

Depending solely on your situation and the level of growing animosity between the two of you, this fighting can mean a number of things –though probably not anything good. While the reasons why couples fight have already been indicated, the underlying explanation for why couples perpetually fight hasn’t been. The roots of these fights can be as basic as one person always made to feel wrong, made to feel inadequate, not feeling valued or appreciated, not properly healing from a previous relationship, the relationship not being made a priority, or issues with commitment. But because of insecurities and a shared inability to be honest, couples tend to argue about everything except the actual issue. When you and your significant other find that you’re in the same argument over and over again, there’s a strong possibility that either someone feels that they aren’t being heard or something important isn’t being said.

So, if you’re afraid that you’re in a crumbling relationship that’s ruled by anxiety and confrontation, there are a few things you can do to assess the situation, and the first thing you can do is sit down and sort out the facts. Divide fact from fiction, worries from realities, and write down the last few arguments that you’ve had, what sparked those conversations, what ended those arguments …if those arguments ended, what escalated the arguments, how disputes are usually resolved, what the patterns are, and if there is something that you want to convey to your significant other that you’re not able to say. You can easily ask your significant other to do the same, hoping that if they are as committed to the relationship as you are, they won’t take issue with putting aside time to understand the complications in your relationship. The aim is to be as honest as possible when examining the rifts in your relationship, and eventually have a candid discussion about the conclusions that you’ve come to. Remember, when you’re sharing your thoughts and feelings, try not to sound accusatory, and be sure that you’re both being heard. If you two are able to get through a frank and honest conversation, and prevail at a better place than you were before, then you should be comforted by the durability of your relationship.

From YourTango

Is there such a thing as ‘The Nice Guy Curse’? Is it even possible to be too nice? Men, the world over, have wondered why women continually pass up the quintessential nice guy who is loving, caring, giving, supportive, accommodating, faithful and head-over-heels in love with them.In the initial stage of a relationship there are many men who try really hard to make women happy.

In fact, they often bend over backwards to accomplish this task. If and when they enter into a deeper level of commitment, they often take things a step further. They begin to put their partner ahead of everyone and everything else in their lives.  While this may seem to accomplish the goal of making her happy, it actually does the complete opposite.If and when she actually becomes the most important thing in his life, she’ll start to lose her attraction for him. In fact, if he centers his life around her, it will actually drive her away.

She’ll start to resent the fact that his life revolves around hers and she’ll begin to lose respect for him as a man when he keeps adjusting to her every whim. Over time, the attraction she once had will slowly disintegrate until it is no more. While women do not possess an ‘attraction kill switch’, slowly but surely they begin to realize that something is different. Something is missing. What was once something has become nothing.

At this point, the ‘Nice Guy Curse’ has reared its ugly head. In his attempt to find out what went wrong, he is met with frustration and disappointment. Why? Simply put, women often have a hard time articulating the shift in their emotions, because it’s just a feeling they get. They really don’t know how to put it into words. The feeling is either there or it’s not.

Read more at YourTango.com

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From Essence

Dear Dr. Sherry,

I am writing to you for some relationship advice. I am in a happy place in my relationship with my soul mate. We have been dating for quite some time and have been living together for two years. He is in the midst of building a fabulous home and totally has me in his future plans, and I love it all.

The only problem is that he has recently told me that he will be having his teenage son come live with us full time. The teen has a number of issues that they fail to address, like obesity, constant bed-wetting, lack of manners and poor hygiene. Do I put my feelings of happiness on the back burner or try to work out the new living arrangement? I am hoping you can provide me with some help on this one.

Best,
Conflicted

Read what Dr. Sherry Blake has to say about this on Essence.com