All Articles Tagged "love"
An Alpha Male, by definition, is the dominant man, the man who takes charge and won’t take no for an answer. There are lots of traits to be admired in such men: They go after what they want, are self-assured, decisive and tend to look damn good in a white T-shirt. However, there are unfortunately many downsides to dating an alpha male, and in this day and age of gender equality (supposedly), there are many women opting for the more trustworthy, sensitive beta male, and here’s just a few reasons why:
The alpha male lacks perspective. Where does he get that self confidence of his that we were so attracted to initially? Being completely and utterly involved…with himself. It doesn’t take long to figure out when he claims that he can do no wrong, everything is your fault and that viewpoint of yours is simply not valid enough, I’m afraid.
He is controlling. Dating an alpha male can be fun at first, always having someone else take charge. It’s sexy to be with a guy who know what he wants. On the other hand, it’s not sexy to be told what to do, never to have a say in things, and be constantly under his rule. This is the 21st century!
Read more about relationships with Alpha males at YourTango.com
From Single Black Male
I tread on thin ice today. By the end of this post I am sure to ease the minds of all religious people. The title of this post isn’t exactly what you might think. Allow me to preface my post. I think if you’re a woman and you’re spiritual that’s great. I believe in God myself and that’s well and good. That’s not something that ever needs changing.
Recently I participated in @Iamjaymayo ‘s “Women’s Empowerment Month” on up4discussion.org. The post I wrote for the site was based on the importance of being balanced. You can read it here. I basically say that men are likely to take a woman more seriously if she’s more interesting. I feel that if you present an interest in a variety of things and don’t bombard a guy with just one interest then he’ll enjoy you more.
There’s a certain stigma attached to what I call a “churchy” woman. In other words, we’d call this person an over the top fanatic. The stigma is that a churchy woman isn’t fun. That she is uptight. She could possibly be bitter. Lastly a guy might also think that he couldn’t ever get any buns with you while dating.That’s a real concern for many. All of the above could absolutely be untrue. In fact, Dr. J touched on a similar subject here. You could be a woman that’s into everything equally. You just have to show that.
Read more about dating as a religious fanatic at SingleBlackMale.org
Yes, you read that title correctly. It’s possible.
There’s a lot of politics that go into dumping someone correctly. Ideally, it would be done face-to-face, and probably in a public area in order to avoid a crazy scene. But now, it seems like times have changed in a world where technology is interfering in more areas of our lives.
Here are 10 situations where it’s okay to dump someone through text message.
1. It’s the early days.
If you’ve only been on a few dates, a breakupmight not even be necessary, unless someone is truly confused as to why you’ve disappeared off the face of the planet. But a text message is okay in this instance. You barely know the person. Three or four dates equal about eight hours together. No need for a long handwritten letter. In fact, you probably don’t even know your dumpee’s address.
Read more breaking up via text on YourTango.com
Last December actor Brian White announced that he and his wife, Paula, are expecting their first child together. It turns out they’re having a girl and the love birds seem to be bursting with joy.
“I can’t even begin to describe how happy I am right now,” Paula told Rolling Out. “Brian is going to be a great father, and I couldn’t ask for a better partner.”
“I feel blessed beyond belief,” Brian chimed in.”To know that you have a child coming into the world, it only makes you want to work even harder, and do all of the things that I know are important to be both a good husband, and a good father. I’ve been reflecting a lot — particularly when it comes to my parents — and just thinking about the things that I admired in them, and the things that I want for myself and for Paula.”
Their daughter is due on April 14th and Brian adds that they’re well prepared for their little bundle to make her big debut.
“When we made the decision that it was time to start a family, we were very smart in our decisions,” Brian added. “We didn’t take extra vacations, or spend money in the club buying bottles. … No, we were investing in our property, and making sure that we thought ahead to make sure that our kids’ lives will be taken care of.”
Luckily for the “Hostages” actor, he found a partner who shares similar beliefs.
“To have someone in my life who thinks about those things in the same way that I do, has made all of the difference in the world.”
They seem so happy!
There are few conversations about sex that actually make me want to punch a wall — even three years later. But one conversation in particular has had that effect.
It was an office Christmas party, and a circle of women was engaged in animated chit chat about work, pop culture, and all the sorts of things you discuss at Christmas parties. We worked at a magazine that covered books, so I mentioned a new nonfiction title coming out called The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant.
The second the title left my mouth, one woman, a 50-something with a blonde bob and photos of her two kids plastered around her office, snorted so loud she nearly dropped her drink.
“Oh PLEASE,” she guffawed. “Is it just the words ‘Have lots of sex’ repeated for 200 pages??”
Modern women (and men) are blessed with an excellent body of knowledge on how to get pregnant. From middle school on, we learn precisely what activity winds up getting a girl knocked up. And so we spend the first 10, 20 — even 30 years of our post-puberty lives doing anything possible to not wind up pregnant.
And then, when/if we eventually choose to reverse gears and produce some babies, we think we know what’s in store: sex, and tons of it. Nonstop orgies of pill- and condom-free sex. The flowing river of sex you always wished you could have. A wild circus of erotic wonders and orgasms galore!
What no one mentions is that there’s a perfectly good chance that you won’t get pregnant on the first go-round. Or the second. Or the third. And that before you know it, the one activity that has been your go-to for pleasure in life has become a ceaseless, soul-crushing chore.
Yes, you read that right: Sex to conceive can be a miserable, pleasureless act that makes you question why anyone does the deed at all.
The fact is, getting pregnant can be very easy. Or it can be impossible. Some women slip and fall on a penis, and look! They’re ready to give birth nine months later. Others spend years, thousands of dollars, and a good portion of their sanity on pills, injections, painful and uncomfortable procedures and more pills, only to wind up with absolutely zero results.
Modern medicine knows very little about the differences between these two types of women. Much of the time, doctors and science can’t tell you which type you are. Your ability to get knocked up when you want to all depends on a million things going right at any one time (to the point that it’s almost remarkable that anyone ever gets pregnant at all). And the kicker is, you won’t have any idea which side of the spectrum you fall on until you actually leap in and start “trying.” (See? Even the word we use for sex when it’s supposed to result in pregnancy — “trying” — is unsexy. Trying.)
Personally, I’ve ventured pretty far into “meds, injections, and more meds” territory. After 13 years of dutifully taking my pill every day, I went off birth controll full of optimism and enthusiasm. Bought new lingerie, started taking prenatal vitamins and read every book and website on conceiving that I could get my hands on. The key, all this literature said, is the timing. Getting pregnant is all abouthaving sex when you ovulate. Which sounds obvious. Except when you actually try to do it.
The good news is that an entire industry of tools has been developed to figure out precisely when your ovaries release an egg. You can buy sticks to pee on and thermometers to stick in your mouth (or other places) and charts to fill in. And then you have to find that one 48-hour window, and have as much sex as possible during it.
Read more about sex and pregnancy at YourTango.com
Since the film Bucket List came out in 2007, most of us haven’t just heard of bucket lists, we’ve got one. Mine includes: traveling internationally, getting over my irrational fear of karaoke, and finishing a book I started writing years ago.
Bucket lists reflect our unique dreams and desires, which makes them deeply personal. They’re also inspirational: They remind us of what we want to accomplish and of the qualities we hope to honor more fully before we die. In my case, we’re talking about adventure, creativity and overcoming challenges, to name but a few. Viewed through the lenses of doing (what we want to experience) and being (who we aspire to be) bucket lists aren’t just a boon to our personal growth. They also benefit our romantic relationships.
Research shows that trying new things together reinforces relationship happiness. Novelty not only provides more ways for us to connect, it gives us a new, and renewed, perspective on our partners.
For couples, creating and checking items off a bucket list energizes your relationship.
How do you go about creating a couples bucket list? Start with these three questions.
- What new experiences and adventures do we yearn to have with each other?
- What do we want to create together as a couple?
- Who do I most want to be in our relationship?
Feel free to answer these questions jointly. Or you can respond separately and then compare notes, highlighting areas of overlap. Focus on the big picture if you notice differences. For example, don’t assume that your wish for more romance and your partner’s interest in a course on Tantric sex mean you don’t agree. My guess is you share a desire for more intimacy, maybe passion, too. So ask yourselves:
What might be possible for me, and for us, if I tried what my partner suggests?
Unlike items on our most common to-do list — buy milk, pay bills, etc — it’s easy to defer our relationship bucket list (and our individual one, too) to some vague future. “We’ll explore our sensuality after our kids leave home,” we tell ourselves, or “we’ll take a cross-country road-trip after we retire.”
Read more about relationships at YourTango.com
I’ve been with the father of my twins for four years and I know he is cheating on me. I have the password to unlock his phone and I’ve seen text messages from other women from dating sites. I even got into his Facebook account and saw that he was messaging other women. Then, I checked his
Voicemail and I heard a message from another woman. One day, we got into a fight and he told me that he’d only been with me for the last four years because of our twins. I honestly don’t think he loves me at all; he doesn’t even know I found out all of this stuff.
I even set up a fake profile and he responded to and said he was single. When he used to talk about me to other people at a class he would call me his “baby mother,” not “girlfriend.” Over Facebook, he asked a woman in the class if he can gown down on her. Now, again, he doesn’t know I know all of this. I broke up with him and told him he was free to sleep with whomever, but now he keeps trying to sleep with me! He also denies cheating altogether. What do I do with this liar?
Read Dr. Sherry’s response at Essence.com
From Single Black Male
As of late, stories of side chick pregnancies and simultaneous engagements have become commonplace. I personally know a woman who was sexually involved with a man who later told her that around the same time they were sexually involved, he had gotten engaged to another woman. The latest story from Ebony editor, Jamliah Lemieux, compelled me to write about this issue.
Long story short, Lemieux was in a relationship with a man for two years. Although their relationship was “on the rocks,” they continued to engage in intercourse. Five months into her pregnancy, he became engaged to another woman. Can you say messy?! This story, coupled with my friends’ stories (more than one of my friends has experienced this), and Gabrielle Union’s and Eudoxie’s stories beg the question, is this the new normal?
These situations also led to further questions like…
1) If a man is in a relationship with one woman that he feels will lead to marriage, why not break it off with the other?
2) If a man is in a relationship that will lead to marriage, does he think it is ok to have sex with other women until or unless he is married? Does he not consider this cheating?
3) What makes a man decide to marry one woman and not another if he still obviously has the strong desire to be in relationship with both?
To put it simply, this is not ok. Men often justify this behavior by either saying the man was obviously not feeling the girl he did not propose to, or that the other woman wasn’t his “girlfriend.” What does a title have to do with it if the “other” woman is getting girlfriend privileges? Furthermore, simply avoiding a title doesn’t change anything in terms responsibility.
Many female commenters attacked Lemieux for not knowing she was the side chick, or that her ex was that serious about someone else. It is likely that Lemieux wanted to be pregnant by her ex, but if the ex did not want the same, why continue to have unprotected sex with her and give her false hope? He knew she was in love with him , so why not have enough respect for her (and your new chick) to say, “you’re not the person I want to be with,” and bounce?
Read more about men and condom less sex at SingleBlackMale.org
It all begins with the first contact we have with a man and we ask ourselves, “does he like me?” However, at this point, men are on a completely different page, and this is helpful for women to understand.
- If he writes to you, calls you, talks to you, asks you out, or is sitting across the table from you — this means HE LIKES YOU! Generally, men don’t shop, they buy. They walk into a store and buy a shirt or a pair of shoes. They know what they want quickly and go for it.
- So, yes, he likes you. But he’s not sure you like him. This is also good for women to know, because he may treat the first date like a job interview. (He likes you, so he wants to impress you.)
Men are very clear that women are in the driver’s seat when it comes to relationships. Think of men as being the car. Women encourage them and they step on the gas. We let them know our boundaries and they step on the brake. When I tell my female coaching clients these facts, they usually don’t believe me. However, over time, the women start to understand that believing these facts is empowering.
Back to my first comment of “does he like me?” I tell my coaching clients that the first question they should ask instead is, “do I like him?” Remember… he already knows he likes you or he wouldn’t be there. So, how do you know if you like him? To figure this out, ask yourself:
- What traits do I like in men?
- What do I want and need from a relationship with a man?
- What traits do they have to have?
- What traits would be deal breakers?
- The answers to these questions start out with asking yourself:
- What’s important to me?
- What am I passionate about?
- What turns me on? What turns me off?
In my five years of coaching, I often ask new female coaching clients to define who they are (mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually) and what they bring to a relationship. Many women don’t really know because they haven’t thought about it. And when I ask them what they want and need in a man in these same categories, they often don’t know that either.
Here’s an important truth: Men fall in love with us when we’re being our authentic selves.
Have you ever had this experience? You meet a man and he makes your heart race, your body run hot, and your thoughts turn to mush? And then you start thinking you can’t talk about your true feelings around him, you can’t laugh, eat, and behave like the real you? Is it then a surprise when he ends up not attracted to you?
Read more about love at YourTango.com
Have you ever thought that the city you love in has something to do with your love life? Finding a scapegoat for your unhappy love life can just feel good. Who doesn’t want someone to blame, so why not the city you live in?
A recent study by CreditDonkey.com assessed cities across America to see where love goes wrong most often. Four factors were considered by city in this report:
- The average length of marriage by state is a sign of how happy people are in their committed relationships. The national average is 19.4 years, which isn’t bad. And the shortest marriages are found in our nation’s capital, Washington DC, with just 12.4 years. Maybe politics and love don’t make such good bed fellows.
- The Gallup Healthways Well-being Index assesses healthy behavior, as well as emotional and physical health among other things for people in 152 cities across the US. If you’re happily married or in love, you’re more likely to rank well on this index.
- The number of dating services shows the demand for singles services in a city. It might also point to one way to cope with breaking-up, as the newly single search for love again.
- The number of gonorrhea cases reported by the Center for Disease Control was looked as a reason why people break-up. When you think about it, if you’re in amonogamous relationship, you aren’t likely to contract venereal disease that spreads through multiple partners.
Read more on dating and location at YourTango.com