All Articles Tagged "love"
So you’ve been “dating” this guy for quite sometime and you’re really starting to develop feelings for him. You’re ready to take things to the next level but you’re not quite sure how he feels. You finally muster up the courage to ask him just exactly where you stand with him and where the relationship is going and he responds with those dreadful words no woman ever wants to hear: “I’m not ready for a relationship,” “I’m just having fun right now,” or the all time favorite, “it’s not you, it’s me.”
Caught off guard, you can’t believe your ears because, after all, in your mind you have been spending “a lot” of time together, or have you? It’s time for you to assess your situation and realize that you probably were just a jump off. As hard as it may be to face the fact that you’ve been played, it’s a necessary period of reflection so you don’t find yourself in the same position again.
Here are 7 dead giveaway signs that you’re just a jump off. Warning: you may experience one or all of these signs at any given time.
1. The 2:00 a.m. phone calls. It’s 2:00 in the morning and your phone rings. Although you’re halfway sleep, you answer the phone only to hear a voice on the other end asking if he can stop by. Anxiously you agree because, after all, he called you instead of someone else so of course that must mean he’s so into you, right? Wrong! Nevertheless, you immediately jump out the bed and freshen up as you await for your company to arrive……at 2:00 a.m.
2. His friends don’t know you exist. Despite the fact he’s always hanging out with his friends, you’ve never met them nor does he ever invite you to. When a guy is truly into you, he doesn’t hesitate to show you off to his friends. He’s so proud to have you on his arm and in his life that he doesn’t waste anytime bragging on you.
3. No happy holidays. Thanksgiving is here and you eagerly made plans, anticipating spending time together. However he comes up with an excuse for why he’s not available to spend the day with you. Or even worse, he shows up at your house after all the festivities are over. And to make matters worse, he uses his mother, his kids or his job as an excuse.
4. He introduces you as just a friend. Whenever you’re out together and he runs into someone he knows, he introduces you, if he does at all, as just a friend. This introduction is necessary to let others know he’s not committed and still very much available to anyone who’s interested.
5. No daytime dates. Whenever the two of you get together it’s always at night in a low-key location without high visibility. His justification: “I want to spend some quiet alone time with you.” Although these outings are not really dates, he does just enough to show some interest to keep you hanging around just so he can hit it and quit it whenever he wants.
6. Affection equals sex. The only time he shows any affection is when you two are having sex. You desire more affection and attention but P.D.A. is so far off his radar that you would have better luck finding Waldo. Try denying him sex one night and watch how quickly he and your pseudo-relationship disappear.
7. You can’t get in touch with him. Like an old cell phone plan, his nights and weekends aren’t free! He is never available to talk when you want to, so you sit by the phone waiting for a call that never comes. He conveniently comes up with excuses that include: my phone was on vibrate, I didn’t hear it ringing, my phone was in the other room, I left it at home by accident or I was out of the area and I couldn’t get any reception (side-eye).
Whether we want to admit it or not, we have all played the fool for love. We auditioned, got the starring role and were unknowingly cast as the jump off in someone else’s relationship drama. While we can certainly say shame on them for doing us wrong, at some point it becomes shame on us for allowing ourselves to be done wrong. Once you have learned the signs of being a jump off, you have no one to thank, for your best actress in a drama award, but yourself. So take a bow and exit stage left. It’s time for women to become more responsible and accountable for ourselves, get off the emotional roller coaster and require better for our love lives.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.
Could acting like a wife before he puts a ring on it be keeping you from getting married? Some women who want to head down the aisle say “yes.” It’s fun to play house with the man you love, but these women say that abstainging from these wifely duties will help him decide whether he wants to commit much sooner.
If you’re planning on getting married, there’s plenty of time for making it work when things get rough. But if you’re being bugged by a deal beaker, don’t be afraid to let it go. If you’e only going to commit to one man for the rest of your life, better make sure it’s right.
Does he think you’re the one? Or is he just waiting for the check? Learn these clues to what his first date body language is telling you and you’ll never have to wonder again.
You Locked Eyes
We’ll start with the good stuff: eye contact for more than three seconds? You’re officially looking deep into each other’s eyes. Time to break the gaze and smile or go ahead and lean in for a kiss.
There are some things that every woman should know about men. Could changing you point of view change you relationship for the better?
You Should Never Check His Internet History
You don’t like it when men watch pornography, he’s wired to love watching pornography. The best solution? A “don’t ask/don’t tell” policy for your pc.
You’ve just met him and the sparks are flying. But is it like or just lust? Sex can lead to attachment whether you want it or not. So before you jump in bed, be sure your hormones aren’t taking over and pairing you with a guy you might not even like. Asking yourself these questions first could save you from your next dead-end relationship.
Your Playlist Is R-Rated
Meet a new man and you start playing the songs that make you think about him on repeat. But if your playlist is more R. Kelly than Drake, it could be a sign that you’re only interested in one thing.
From Single Black Male
Blurred gender roles are a norm in today’s day and age.
Most of us want equality for both sexes in all facets of life. Ideally, this would be the case. The truth is that for this to be, there will be some resistance in some instances. For instance we have today’s subject of marriage proposal. Now some of us may feel that a woman proposing to a man would be tacky. Some simply thing that it isn’t right. We’ll explore this today whether it be in this post or in the comments. But the bottom line is that this here lies the same “what’s good for the goose” ideology. If men can propose to women, so should a woman propose to a man.
this ever be an “in” thing to do?
I’m not sure; what I can give you all, my SBM faithful is my views on it. Heading to brunch this past Sunday I was talking to my boy about this. I told him that serious couples discuss things like marriage and their futures together. To me, if a couple discusses their future together then a woman should feel confident enough to know that one day her man will propose. Whether or not a woman is patient enough to wait is another question.
Of course another question that arises is how long is too long to wait? I really don’t know. Different people have different levels of patience. My patience threshold is pretty solid. This also depends on circumstance and the personalities involved. I’ve seen people get engaged and married within a calendar year; and stay married. I have also seen couples be married for thirty plus years and still see it fail. So there’s obviously more than one way to skin a cat. When it comes to proposals you can argue there’s no right or wrong way. I say that in regards to who proposes.
I actually dated a woman a while back who said that she would entertain the idea of proposing to a man.
I was shocked to say the least. She was a bit of a go getter. My guess is that maybe more extroverted women are open to proposing to a man. What I did find interesting was a study that I read on menshealth.com. It said that 83% of men won’t wear a “man-gagement” ring. So the majority of us fellas aren’t into this idea basically.
Why am I not into it? I’m a forward thinking cat. I believe in being creative and pushing envelopes. I believe in challenging thoughts and the whole shabang. Strangely enough, I’m still a bit of a traditionalist. I think the proposal process is the time for a guy to be supremely romantic. There’s not another day where a woman should imagine being swept off her feet any better. A woman proposing to us robs us of our creativity for such a special moment. That’s just me.
Read more about female proposals at SingleBlackMale.org
At any given time in a relationship, a woman might have upwards of three or four pet names for her man. We know the staples — boo, baby, and, unfortunately, bae for the ratchets — then there’s always that one random nickname whose meaning only the two of you really know. But what about calling your man daddy? Not the man who raised you and whom you’ve referred to as dad, daddy, or father since you uttered your first word. But the man you kiss, sleep with at night, and do other grown folks things with. Would you call him daddy? Do you?
This is a question that’s always been in the back of my mind and resurfaced again last week when Fantasia praised her rumored hubby on Instagram. While everyone was trying to figure out whether she and Kendall Taylor were really Mr. and Mrs., I was more caught up in Fanny writing “Daddy He Is…” I know good loving can make you say a lot of things (Hello Erica Campbell), but daddy’s never been one of those words to roll off my tongue even in the most playful of moments. And as I got to thinking about what it would take for me to call a man who’s not my daddy “daddy” (with a straight face mind you) I decided he’d have to be paying all my bills and completely taking care of me because that’s my view of a daddy. And since I’m not really on a hunt for someone to do those things for me, as I’ve been doing them for myself for some time now, I don’t foresee myself calling my intimate partner daddy ever in life — again with a straight face.
As we chatted about this topic in the office, other women shared that sentiment, as well as the opinion that considering they still have actual dads who they call daddy it would be weird, to say the least, to also use that same term for their husband. One co-worker even said she can’t stand the end of Beyonce’s song “Rocket” when she begins to moan “Daddy, daddy, oh child, yes lawd…” (you know how it goes) and has to change “daddy” to “baby” just to finish the track without being totally disgusted. I’m sure somewhere there’s a feminist lamenting over the patriarchal implications of calling your man daddy, but for me it’s not even that deep. A daddy, to me, is a specific parenting role that, hopefully, for most women has already been filled by the time they meet another man who will be their life-long partner and fulfill other duties. I’d rather not mince words — or roles.
If a man really is providing your every need, I imagine there is no bigger stroke to the male ego than calling him your big daddy. And since, like good food, ego-stroking is the way to a man’s heart, I imagine the practice does a relationship some good from the male perspective. I just know I couldn’t possibly take myself seriously — and I’m sure no man could either — if I came in the house after 10 hours at work talking about “Hey daddy, how was your day?” But as the saying goes, different (ego) strokes for different folks.
What do you think about calling your man daddy? Do you? If so, when do you use the pet name?
Dating can be rough. No one knows that better than these celebs who have been through the relationship wringer. And while they were busy grieving, griping and getting over it they shared these words of inspiration on Instagram for fans going through the same thing.
Keyshia Cole’s very public divorce with Daniel Gibson has been rough. But after her rocky rebound with Cash Money CEO Birdman, Keyshia wants her fans to know that you don’t have to let heartbreak change who you are (even after an arrest).
From Single Black Male
We have all had to tell someone that we weren’t interested. Whether it be we weren’t interested in being in a relationship or being more than platonic friends. It’s a compromising position. To the majority of us who don’t want to intentionally hurt someone, we spend time trying to find the right words. It’s my thinking that women in particular have an issue with this.
For whatever reason I think that ladies try to save face as much as possible. When a guy shows interest in her and she isn’t interested she begins to show “signs.” Women are always showing signs. Many guys don’t realize this til after the fact. When it’s all said and done a woman might say “I tried to hint to you,” or “I tried to give you the signs.” and I know many guys who would react “why didn’t you just say so?” Which is a pretty valid question.
What I will say is that there are a lot of guys who make it hard for this to be possible. Quite frankly a lot of women think men can’t handle the truth. They feel this way because too many guys flap their gums after being turned down. You can’t win every time, that’s just the game. The most insecure figure that this is their license to come up with a predictable meme that shits on a woman that turned him down. Of course as I was reminded this past weekend, there are males and there are men. And a man “gets it.” In every facet men “get it.” That means that a man gets it if you’re not interested.
Read more about rejection at SingleBlackMale.org
According to research conducted by Emory University, couples who spent more on engagement rings and weddings were more likely to divorce than those who opted for less expensive options.
In a survey conducted on 3,000 married folks, researchers found that men who spent between $500 and $2,000 on an engagement ring were 1.3 times less likely to wind up divorced than those who spent $2,000 to $4,000. The same study revealed that women whose wedding costs exceeded $20,000 were 3.5 times more likely to end up divorced than those who spent $5,000 to $10,000.
Interestingly, the study went on to reveal that skimming when it comes to purchasing an engagement ring also decreased the chances of a couple living happily ever after. Men who shelled out less than $500 on engagement rings also experienced higher divorce rates. Couples who spent less than $1,000 on their weddings decreased the chances of divorce. Though bigger guest lists generally equate to a pricier wedding ceremony, the study also found that having more weddings guests led to longer marriages.
Coordinators of the study believe that the link between divorce rates and costly weddings and engagement rings had to do with brides and grooms wanting to create the perfect wedding day—even if they aren’t in the position to afford the costs. As for what’s pushing couples to place this unnecessary pressure on themselves, researchers are blaming the bridal industry.
“In 1959, Bride’s recommended that couples set aside two months to prepare for their wedding and published a checklist with 22 tasks for them to complete. By the 1990s, the magazine recommended 12 months of wedding preparation and published a checklist with 44 tasks to complete.”
Researchers also point out that there’s not much evidence that supports the wedding industry’s underlying message that extravagant ceremonies equate to positive marital outcomes.
“The wedding industry has consistently sought to link wedding spending with long-lasting marriages,” Emory University economic professors Andrew M. Francis and Hugo M. Mialon wrote.
According to The Knot, the average wedding costs about $30,000. Things that make you go hmmm…