All Articles Tagged "love"

The 10 Top Traits Of Happy Couples

July 21st, 2014 - By Madame Noire
Share to Twitter Email This

 

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

 

 

 

 

ByFrom YourTango

Here’s what the pro’s are doing…

We all desire a happy and fulfilling relationship. You know, that partner who is our perfect half who can help bring out the best in us.

Unfortunately for many of us, we have been exposed to so many unhealthy and less-than-fulfilling relationships in our lives that we don’t know what a truly healthy relationship even looks and/or feels like.

Here are 10 characteristics of a vibrantly healthy relationship:

 

1. Both partners know that they are responsible for their own individual happiness. Many people unfortunately fall into the bad habit of believing and expecting that our partner is meant to be our source of all happiness, love and fulfillment in our lives. However, in a truly vibrant and healthy relationship, neither partner expects the other to be the source of all their happiness in life. Both people know and understand that they themselves are responsible for their own happiness and well-being. They each know that they are there to support and help one another, but they both know that they are ultimately responsible for themselves.

 

2. Neither person is really trying to control or “fix” the other person. If one person is more of a procrastinator while the other always gets their work done early, the other person isn’t going to try to “fix” them by pushing them to get their work done early in a healthy relationship. Both people respect one another’s differences. One doesn’t try to force the other to change or be anything different then themselves.

 

The reality is that nobody wants to be changed or fixed — especially if it’s unsolicited! If the person really truly wants to change, then they will ask for help on their own terms and in their own way. Change isn’t going to happen through nagging or force.

 

3. The relationship is balanced. No one person has any more power over decisions made as a couple than the other. Both people have an equal say and have equal control over decisions made and both equally respect each other as a different and unique human being.

 

Now, it may be that the decisions made are different for each person. Such as, one person is more focused on interior decorations while the other is more focused on finances because it better highlights each person’s strengths. But aggregately, everything is 50-50.

 

4. Conflicts are dealt with head-on and then dropped. In a heathy relationship, conflicts aren’t a deal breaker. Just because a conflict happens, it doesn’t signal that it’s time to just check out and move on to something else. Rather, the conflict is seen as an opportunity to learn and grow. Both sides openly share their feelings and views honestly and with respect.

 

Conflict is accepted as a natural part of life and any frustrations are dealt with early rather than repressed and brought back up time and time again.


Read more about relationships at YourTango.com 

Gabrielle Union Sets The Ground Rules For Guests Attending Wedding Next Month: ‘Photo IDs Will Be Required’

July 21st, 2014 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
Share to Twitter Email This
Source: WENN

Source: WENN

Gabrielle Union has already expressed that many of the people sitting around expecting to receive an invitation to her wedding to Dwyane Wade probably won’t be getting one. At this point, those close to the couple are probably already aware of who’s in and who’s out. Recently, those lucky enough to make the cut were made hip to the rules of the engagement when they received their official wedding invites. It appears that Gabby and Dwyane are running a pretty tight ship.

The invitation was accompanied by a letter from the couple, revealing what will not be allowed at the ceremony in order to protect their privacy. Ironically, the letter and the invite were both leaked to TMZ. The note reads:

To our family and friends,

We are looking forward to sharing this very special day with you. For the comfort of our guests and to protect our privacy, no cameras or cell phones will be permitted at the party. Also, photo IDs will be required for all guests. Gentlemen, formal attire in black; ladies, we would love to see you in formal white.

Transportation to and from the party venue will be provided from the [redacted]. Buses will depart promptly at 9:45pm from the North-North entrance of the hotel; please arrive at least 30 minutes prior to departure to process through security. If you choose to drive yourself, please call [number omitted] hours prior to the event at [address omitted] for directions to the venue (located approximately 45 to 50 minutes south of South Beach). Once on-site, you should allow at least 30 minutes to process through security at the venue.

We thank you in advance for your understanding and cooperation. See you soon!

Love, Gab and Dwyane

wedding note

As previously reported, the ceremony is set to take place August 30 in Miami.

weddinginvite

The countdown begins!

Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise

 

Does Any Woman Deserve To Be Cheated On?

July 18th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
Share to Twitter Email This
Shutterstock

Shutterstock

 

 

From Single Black Male 

This is certainly a predicament many have been in. The above quote references Trey simply being greedy. That’s why the track is coined “Cake.” Today’s post isn’t about cheating for cheating sake. Today’s post is about my thoughts on our responsibilities in relationships. We can force someone to cheat on us. To say that someone “deserves” that happening to them is harsh. But is it still a true statement? I say let’s see.

For starters, I’d like to say that I believe you can cheat on someone you love. Most of those cases I really feel are in consequence. They’re in consequence of something the other partner was lacking. These could be a myriad of things. The partner could have cheated. The partner could’ve been abusive. The partner simply could’ve been negligent for way too long. The list goes on. But cheating many times can be a consequence to these things. I think it could be analogous to parenting in a way. Many parents who have troubled children might send them to boarding school. They might kick them out of the house. But at some point or another that parent is looking for the opportunity to gain some control back. Of course you love your child. At the same time you’re trying to find a way to stop your hurt.Not all times are those measures the right ones. We make the wrong choices all the time. Life is all about figuring it out.

We give ourselves a better chance of fidelity by tending to our partners.

We have to hold ourselves accountable. Recognizing we have the potential to push someone to cheat should always have us on our toes. By no means do I think we’ll be perfect. But it’s important to want to be the best version of yourself for someone. If you lose sight of that then your loved one could lose sight of you.

Some people would say that if you have an urge to cheat then you should just leave who you’re with. If this were a utopia then that would always be the case. It’s not and it isn’t always that easy. Take Kirk (pictured above) from Love And Hip Hop  for instance. He’s married to a southern rapper named Rasheeda. Their marriage hasn’t been perfect. Kirk has been pretty absent emotionally from what I’ve watched. He wasn’t supportive during his wife’s pregnancy. He even cheated on his wife during her pregnancy. He cited the fact that she told him to “do him” in her anger. He knew it wasn’t a free pass. But his continued ignorance led him to make his decision. Rasheeda on the other hand never cheated on him despite this. But as far as I can see it, she had all rights to do him dirty. But so much was at stake for her. They built a life together, there’s money and children involved. It probably wasn’t worth it to her in that circumstance.

Read more about SingleBlackMale.org

The Science Behind Why Men Pull Away

July 17th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
Share to Twitter Email This
Shutterstock

Shutterstock

 

 

From , For YourTango

Our brains have two emotional systems that work simultaneously; males seem to use one system more and females seem to use the other system more. As men reach puberty, their emotional empathy is not the same as a woman’s and that boundary is there to prevent men from being influenced by others. Whereas women take into account what others think of them, men do so less, and this makes men seem less empathetic.

Men have had to, for the purpose of survival, do what they think is best and act on it without waiting for others approval. Women’s survival at a primitave level depends on others as a group process, and therefore they developed more empathy towards each other. As men and women age, the gap of this emotional thinking seems to change in many ways. While men, as they age, become more aware of others emotions, women become less dependent on the approval of others, especially after children are no longer young and dependent on them. As men age, they begin to want the emotional intimacy of their wives, but are not used to expressing it in words or emotions on their face.

Developing healthy communication with your spouse is one way to bridge the gap between the two of you. Understanding that just because a person does not always respond the same way emotionally as you do, that does not mean that they don’t feel it. For a woman, learning to ask more direct questions to her husband about what she may need or want will help him get the job done without having to try and figure out the meaning behind the question. Men get confused and frustrated with women because women are sometimes not direct and think that a man should know what they want. The truth is that unless women tell most men what you want, their brains are not wired to pick up on those subtle ques like a girlfriend or sister may sense. Listening to men having conversations with each other can give women a clue as to how direct they are with one another; when they want something, they don’t beat around the bush.

Read more about the science behind about emotions at YourTango.com 

#Surfbort: Help! I Broke My Boyfriend’s Pen*s

July 16th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
Share to Twitter Email This
Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

 

 

By XoJane, For YourTango

One time, when I was 17, I broke my boyfriend’s pen*s.

We had been cooped up for days in his mother’s basement which had a kitchenette and a bathroom and a TV, so we saw no reason to leave. This was summer in East LA, so the sounds that floated in our window were of chickens and barking dogs and car alarms. One time, there was a foot chase that we watched cautiously out his bedroom window, the tottering, overweight policeman tripping down the ravine with his flashlight, the person he was chasing already lost in the dark.

In the midst of this, we were two quasi-intellectual weirdos, content to read poetry, eat peanut butter sandwiches, and screw each other’s brains out. Which is what we had been doing for a full 72 hours before I broke his pen*s.As to how it actually happened, I am still unclear. My experience was this: It was the middle of the night. I had taken my contacts out, so I was almost entirely blind. The room was dark.

Read more abot this incident at YourTango.com 

#GhostMode: Do You Shut Down After A Fight? Advice To Save Your Marriage

July 15th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
Share to Twitter Email This
Shutterstock

Shutterstock

 

By  Christine Wilke,Ed.S,LMFT, For YourTango

Being a Marriage and Family Therapist and being married can be a double-edged sword. You have access to cutting edge tools and techniques, so you are expected to always use them faithfully. Well, things don’t always run as smoothly as they should, especially in situations like the one that happened last night…

My husband and I were having a “discussion” about a heated issue, and I felt myself becoming really angry with him. Did I immediately use one of the techniques I teach in my workshop? Uhh, no. All I could think of were the many reasons why I had the right to be angry. I felt totally justified. To top it off, when we were “discussing” the situation, I heard myself uttering those dreaded words  “always” and  “never.” That fight or flight response was in full gear. I was stuck in my immediate reaction and struck by the realization that, in that very moment, I was doing none of the things I teach my clients to do—things I know really work.

This was a very humbling experience, of course, and it was yet another reminder of how very challenging it can be to have a great marriage. I suddenly felt an even more profound admiration and respect for my clients as they diligently work to make their marriages thrive.

My “Aha!” moment came when I realized that I have a choice. I don’t have to stumble down that rocky road of anger and unhappiness, AND I have a reservoir of the tools I teach my clients that I can use right here and right now. “The point of power is always in the present moment.”—that’s what I teach in my workshop. I know that the tools I give my clients to use really work. The challenging part is putting them to work when it matters the most, like when your emotions are running high and it’s hard to think clearly. I stepped back from the situation because I realized that what I was doing wasn’t getting me what I wanted. Then I gave myself that all-important time out. This respite gave me the opportunity to settle my mind and think more clearly about the situation, thus creating that crucial pause between the situation and my reaction to it. This is the fertile ground from which choice emerges.

Read more about fighting fair at YourTango.com 

Baby, Baby Please: The Greatest Get-Her-Back Love Songs

July 15th, 2014 - By M A
Share to Twitter Email This
WENN

WENN

Say what you will about Robin Thicke, but that man is committed. Since the moment his un-husband-like behavior came to light, he has done everything under the sun to win back the lovely Paula Patton. Though much of his pleading has apparently fallen on deaf ears, Thicke is certainly not alone in his brand of begging. Many a heartbroken man have pulled out all the stops to win back the loves of their lives. So as a salute to Thicke and all the other men desperately trying to get their ladies back, we take a look at 15 songs that will at least get her reconsidering a return.

Don’t Let Go! What Scientists Have To Say About Staying In Love

July 14th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
Share to Twitter Email This
Shutterstock

Shutterstock

 

By Melanie Gorman, For YourTango,

If you’ve ever worried about where you and your partner are heading or whether the love you share will survive the many hurtles thrown your way, you’re not alone. Limiting yourself to falling in and out of love without ever allowing yourself the option to stop and really think about everything going on will only harm you in the long run. No matter how sturdy your physical or emotional connection is, there’s no question that great relationships take a lot of work. That doesn’t mean that the key to staying in love is a mystery; in fact, according to science, it actually makes perfect sense.

Joined by YourTango Experts Senior VP Melanie Gorman and EFT trainers Elana Katz, Zoya Simakhodoskaya, and George Faller, author Dr. Sue Johnson touches on the science behind maintaining a long-term happy and healthy relationship. In Love Sense, Johnson stresses the point that love is not just about sacrificing your happiness by forcing yourself to deal with endless arguments for the sake of protecting your precious bond; it goes even deeper than that.

Read more on how to stay in love at YourTango.com 

‘You Need To Know There’s An Individual Who Has No Respect For You:’ Zoe Saldana Slams ‘Disrespectful’ Ex-Boyfriend

July 14th, 2014 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
Share to Twitter Email This

She’s sweet and funny, but you definitely don’t want to get on her bad side. In the August issue of Marie Claire, rumored mom-to-be, Zoe Saldana, opened up about negative experiences in past relationships and why she refuses to be friends with certain exes.

“I have been in relationships where a man has disrespected me, and I don’t need to be friends with that man anymore,” Zoe expressed.

She went on to add that she’s not going to be friends with someone who “crossed” her all for the sake of being able to say that she’s still friends with a former flame.

“I don’t want to be the one going, ‘I’m cool, because I’m friends with all my exes.’ There’s a reason why you’re called an ex. I crossed you off my list. Moving on. You cross a line, you need to know that you’re going to walk this earth knowing that there’s an individual who has no respect for you.”

While she came off a tad feisty in this particular interview, Zoe also addressed some of the positive events of her love life—including marrying hubby, Marco Perego.

“I don’t do the ABCs,” she said. “I do what my heart says, what my heart feels. So from the moment I met my husband, we were together. We knew.”

From all of her experiences in the love department, both positive and negative, Zoe says she has learned that there is nothing beneficial about settling.

“If you’re not happy with a person, leave,” she added. “And wait until you find that one person who makes you feel good about yourself every single day and is not expecting you to change, but to grow.”

We’d say that’s some pretty sound advice.

Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise.

15 Things We Pretend To Do For Men That We Really Do For Ourselves

July 14th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
Share to Twitter Email This

He thinks the lingerie, meals and heels are all for him. But we know better. Here are things we pretend to do for men that we really do for ourselves.

Image Source: Tumblr.com

Image Source: Tumblr.com

Getting Dressed Up

Sure, you didn’t mind catching his eye. But the real reason you rock that bandeau is to plant seeds of jealousy in the hearts of other chicks.