All Articles Tagged "love"

#CrewLove: Tinder Has Launched Tinder Social, A New Way To Have Group Dates

July 22nd, 2016 - By Lauren R.D. Fox
Share to Twitter Email This

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Millennials make dating a group activity. From helping friends swipe left or right to sharing post-date details and advice in group chats, close friends pretty much know everything about each other’s dating history, habits, and partners. So, to help your friend meet someone new while at the same time possibly scoring your own romantic connection, Tinder has launched Tinder Social. This new app feature allows people to arrange nights out between groups of friends.

In a blog post describing the new platform, a Tinder rep stated the following:

Tinder has always been about getting you out of the house to meet someone new. But sometimes you want more than a party of two. Often your best nights are when you’re hanging with friends, someone makes an unexpected connection with someone in another crew, and your two crews have an amazing time together. Maybe you spark a romantic connection. Maybe you make new friends. Either way, a good night out with your friends becomes something better. That’s why we’re launching Tinder Social, a new platform that helps you plan your night out. For this launch, we’ve made changes to the feature to deliver a more real-time experience. People can see who’s going out tonight, what they’re up to, and plan their night, easily and efficiently—all on Tinder Social. if you want to go out, invite friends to join your group, then swipe and match with other groups nearby who are also going out.

The post goes on to explain that if you’re looking for plans (and potential dates), you can invite friends to join the group you create. Once you’ve done that, you swipe to match with other groups who are planning to hang out nearby.

But first things first: In order to use Tinder Social, you have to unlock it in the Tinder app. Once you’ve done so, you’ll be able to see which friends have unlocked it as well. Afterward, you can create said group, and together, explore other groups to be matched with. An example of this can be seen below:

Tinder Social

Tinder

Just remember, at noon the next day, your group and matches will disappear. (Tinder even claims that your Uber may also turn into a pumpkin. #Jokes) But before it does, be sure to plan another night out with your friends and those new potential boo thangs. Or better yet, start scoping the Tinder scene for a new group to hang with.

Tinder Social is only available in the United States, United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and India

Will you be trying Tinder Social ?

Things That Feel Like Your Fault But Really Aren’t

July 22nd, 2016 - By Meg Butler
Share to Twitter Email This
Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Taking personal responsibility for your actions is a good sign that you have both of your feet firmly planted in adulthood. And along the path of life, there are plenty of moments that we can all admittedly put in the “My bad, I’ll do better” column.

But there is such a thing as taking responsibility for too much. Feeling in control of your life can make it tempting to feel like you can fix everything. But no matter how personally powerful you feel that you are, not everything is your responsibility — or your fault.

When these things happen, it’s more than OK to pass the buck. There may be no one to blame. And if there is, that person certainly isn’t you. So feel free to take the following opportunities to relax and let someone else take the wheel.

Therapists Say It’s Okay To Be Upset When Other People Get Engaged

July 22nd, 2016 - By Lauren R.D. Fox
Share to Twitter Email This

A few years ago, my best friend Naya got engaged to her current husband and a friend of mine had a complete meltdown. Instead of saying she was happy for Naya, she instead said that it wasn’t fair and that she couldn’t be happy for Naya because she hadn’t been proposed to, yet.

During this brief conversation, several red flags were raised and I side-eyed her ’til my eyes hurt. And although I understand engagements, weddings and babies can trigger people to become depressed or grief-stricken, these events happen constantly in my family and circle of friends, so I never understood people who remain in a rut or angry at others for their life milestones. Until now.

New York City Psychotherapist Katherine Schafler told Glamour : “It’s very common, not just with an engagement, but with seeing a baby—even if you’re not in a relationship—or seeing somebody who just landed some sort of milestone. I call them ‘adulthood stamps.’ They trigger the desires and the wants that you have but, for whatever reason, might not have realized yet.”

Schafler also noted that people, especially women, shouldn’t judge themselves for feeling initial emotions of jealousy. “Reactions are emotionally reflexive things that we don’t do on purpose. If someone threw something at you, you’d have a physical reflex of dodging it,” she explained. So to work through your emotions when you learn someone has reached a milestone, Schafler recommends you “give yourself some space” before criticizing your thoughts. She also also notes that your reaction serves as a personal reminder that you want to achieve similar goals and that’s a good thing. Your reaction may also be a sign to you to make changes in your own life. This may mean that you need to end the relationship with your current partner, go back to school or stop holding off from family planning.

Although I do agree with Dr. Schafler’s advice, I believe some Miserable Marys may skew it to justify being selfish haters.

Do you agree and how have you handled friends getting engaged (or reaching any other milestone) before you? 

Signs You Should Go Ahead And Take Him Back

July 21st, 2016 - By Meg Butler
Share to Twitter Email This

A breakup may feel like the necessary end to a relationship, but when the dust has settled and you feel like you’re having a change of heart, what do you do?

Some love stories deserve to come to an end, but backsliding isn’t always a bad idea. If you’re thinking about going back for the following reasons, it could be a sign that this breakup was just the end of a chapter, not the whole tale.

But no one deserves unlimited chances to do better. If you keep encountering the same problems over and over again, it might be time to take that broken record off of the player.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

You Broke up to Maintain Your Image

It’s happened to everyone. You were mad in the moment and badmouthed him to anyone who would listen. Now that everyone is glad that you broke up, you’ve changed your mind. But we’ve all been there, and the awkwardness of explaining your change of heart shouldn’t keep you from happiness.

Netflix Is Finding New Ways For People To “Netflix And Chill” Before Cuffing Season Starts Again

July 21st, 2016 - By Lauren R.D. Fox
Share to Twitter Email This

Months before the temperature drops and cuffing season begins, Netflix has launched a new feature called Flixtape, with just enough time for it to catch on by fall.

Instead of searching for television shows, movies or documentaries, Flixtape allows users to pick already made playlists of the aforementioned to enhance your nightly binge watching.  And if you’re not satisfied with the playlists other Netflix users have curated, you can create and title your own. When opting for the latter, you first create a title for your Flixtape and Netflix will try to “decipher what mood you’re in,” according to Glamour. Netflix will then suggest viewing options to you but you can pass on what they’ve selected and include your own favorites.

For example, I created “The Dancehall Flex” Flixtape and received the following suggestions: Narcos, Ip Man, and Scandal. (Yeah,  I’m laughing too) I then added Marley, the documentary on Bob Marley’s life and Save The Last Dance. If you’re looking for a particular title, you need to be certain that Netflix still streams it. To be fair, I knew Netflix no longer streamed the Jamaican classics Shottas and Queen Of The Dancehall but I wanted to see if the titles they recommended fit the same thrillers/ drama genre field as those films and they delivered.

Despite the intuitive nature of Flixtapes, once you exit the site, all of your Flixtapes are erased unless you share them via social media. Also, only six titles can be featured in one Flixtape, so get your creative juices flowing because you may will be creating numerous Flixtapes.

To start your Flixtape journey, click here and yes I’m patiently waiting to see what Flixtape titles nifty Black Twitter comes up with. We created the Becky With The Good Hair Flixtape, enjoy!

 

 

 

Can You Really Pursue A Relationship And A Dream At The Same Time?

July 18th, 2016 - By Nicole Breeden
Share to Twitter Email This

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Our twenties have long been dubbed the “selfish years.” I’m not sure who decided to declare how one should spend these monumental nine years, but it’s provided the excuse for much heartbreak, confusion and regret. Since the inception of my college years, I was taught that this decade-long period should be solely focused on myself. Wise friends encouraged me to live according to the laws of Nikki, throw my heart and soul into pursuing dreams and have fun trying on a few men (as if they’re outfits in a store). All recommendations that, at the time, I completely engaged in.

Two weeks ago I received an early morning phone call from my best friend. Considering the fact that it was 9 am and our normal communications ensue within texting walls, I had a feeling that this call wasn’t the average “check in.”

I answered at my desk with a whispering “hello.”

“Hey girl, do you have a minute?” she responded. Naturally I thought the worst. Who died? I nervously scanned potential victims in my head before uttering the confirmation she needed to continue.

“I need you to sit down, I have something to tell you.”

The last time someone demanded I take a seat it was to reveal painful news (or just opposition to one of my many Beyonce rants). But being at work, this wasn’t the time or the place for the latter, and I was sure my friend knew that.

After a few deep breaths, I assured her that I was sitting.

” So I want to tell you something that may be shocking. I left New York.”

“Excuse me?”

Let me brief you on this friend before moving any further. My friend was a brilliant, budding producer here in New York. She’s worked for a major network for a few years, produced rewarding content and up until recently, appeared to be happy. In one year she met a great guy, fell in love and they had just planted their feet in a new swanky Brooklyn apartment. Though the trajectory of her life seemed ideal to anyone standing on the outside, internally she was yearning to break free; a feeling too many of us New Yorkers often empathize with. We dream of getting up and leaving this soul-draining place behind, but are held down by reality and all that comes with it.

Continuing our phone conversation she reminded me of how depressed she had been and how her search for purpose became all-consuming. She spoke briefly of moving to California in the past as a stepping stone towards her producer/director dreams, but considering all that New York was providing her, that dream didn’t seem urgent.

Any friend would have been stunned, sad or possibly angered by this news, but somehow my spirit smiled for her. She left us all behind in pursuit of something greater… herself. Such an act of courage was to be admired. Even if it carried dramatic undertones and required abandoning her friends, family and relationship all on a whim.

When a friend makes such a sudden and unexpected change for their greater good, it forces you to self-check a few things. Too often I’ve yearned after someone else’s life moment, unappreciative of my own. I’m in a loving relationship, supportive family surrounds me, and though I’m not all the way together yet (because, who is?) I’m growing as a human. I have nothing to escape from.

Many twenty-somethings are faced with an ultimatum: relationship vs dreams — as if the two are mutually exclusive. We’re all open to getting bit by the success bug, but swatting away the love bug once it comes? That’s never an easy choice. But is it even possible to achieve career success while enjoying great personal success in your relationship? That’s a question I’ve been pondering for quite some time. My friend left her boyfriend behind with a two-day notice. Though it wasn’t the best way to handle the situation, she’s adamant that it was a necessary, although difficult, decision for her future. And she didn’t want anyone having weight in her choice; the secret worked. My friend is now out in California capturing every moment (pictorially) of her “happy life.” Where does that leave him? Picking up the pieces she left behind.

While striving for greatness, we’ve all encountered the fear that getting into a relationship will slow down the process, distract, and possibly cause us to become weak and unmotivated. There’s a common panic that our focus in chasing a personal dream will ultimately deter us from establishing successful relationships; that a relationship during this stage in our life will take us off course, while our competitors continue to reach new levels.

But why do we have to choose one over the other?

I have yet to ask my friend why the relationship she’s invested more than a year into didn’t require the same dedication she put toward her professional dreams. Why can’t her relationship goals and professional goals find a loving space in the same house? After all, our partners should be supportive, loving, understanding and complimentary to our dreams– not a distraction. In my own relationship, I’m experiencing the beauty of growing with a partner. We challenge those who believe a man or woman has to have it altogether before coming together. We still have a long list of professional, personal and united goals that we’re aiming to check off our list, but what’s beautiful is that we’re able to teach and learn from one another. My self-doubt is conquered by his confidence, my determination motivates his laziness at times, and sometimes we need that to not only further ourselves professionally, but personally. Can’t dreams be encompassing of both – or is one a required sacrifice?

“I Just Think That All Lives Matter”: When Your Friend Of 20 Years Is Racist

July 14th, 2016 - By Patia Braithwaite
Share to Twitter Email This

black history month

Shutterstock

We’ve been doing this for a while now, haven’t we? When I say “this,” I mean dealing with police terrorism in the age of social media.  Many of us have strengthened our “unfollow” fingers, expertly silencing so-called Facebook friends  when they’ve said something prejudiced. I know I have. High school teammates and old co-workers disappear from my timeline with the push of a button. But what happens when you encounter racist friends in real life? How do you “unfollow” the friend who has seen you through bad times? How do you disconnect after 20 years of friendship?

It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize that some of your oldest friends harbor racist sentiments. Maybe the signs were always there, or perhaps it took a second to notice because they’re not very vocal, nor do they have ill intentions. The thing is, as we continue to galvanize around ending police terror, Eldridge Cleaver’s quote comes to mind: “If you’re not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem.” I’m left wondering if my friendships are a part of the problem.

A few Sundays ago, an old friend asked me what I’d done before meeting her for brunch, and I told her that I had gone to a Black Lives Matter rally.

“Oh,” she said, looking at me and then her menu. “I just don’t know what to make of all this.”

Before I could respond, she launched into a diatribe about not understanding BLM. She confused being anti-police brutality with being anti-police, and lumped the actions of the Dallas shooters into the actions and message of the entire movement and/or, all Black people (I’m still not sure which). She educated me about how some police were actually pretty awesome (because she assumed, as a Black woman, I didn’t know any personally), and then ended with the quintessential quote, “I just think that all lives matter.”

Now it was my turn to look down at my menu. I didn’t come to brunch to educate the ignorant, and yet here I was, face to face with one of my oldest friends, having to explain to her why Black lives do indeed matter. Here I was, instead of delving into bottomless mimosas, delving into systemic racism, helping her understand that if folks really thought all lives mattered, Black people wouldn’t be bleeding to death in cities across the country.

I felt anger rising inside of me, but when I looked her in the eye it softened. I’ve known her my whole adult life, and the questions she had probably lived in her heart for our entire friendship. I did what I know how to do: I answered her questions. I felt detached from my emotions, treating her like a student who’d stepped into my office. If she asked a question, I answered it. If her perception seemed skewed, I did my best to correct it. I even concluded our conversation asking her to recount some of the points I brought up.

“Do you understand a little better?” I asked, sincerely hoping that I’d changed her opinion.

“Yeah,” she said. “I think I’d like to know more. And I know it’s on me to educate myself, but…”

“Well,” I cut her off, “next time I go to a rally or panel discussion I’ll invite you.”

“Yes,” she said. “Please do.”

We changed the subject before my second mimosa. We talked about the things we always talk about: dudes, work, and our lives in the same city. We talked about how much it sucks to online date, and how neither of us want to live in America anymore. We had a good time, but when we got our check and parted ways, I found myself walking toward Central Park with tears in my eyes.  How could someone so close to me hold so many strange and damaging views about my people? How could she see a movement so clearly rooted in love as something inherently threatening? How could she be using the same phrases my friends and I judge so harshly? I’ve blocked people on Facebook for less…

The sad reality of life is that no one, not even the Facebook racists, are completely terrible people. It’s easy to silence a high school friend that you only experience through pictures, but its harder to do that when you find yourself in a loving relationship with an ignorant person. Is it your job to help them understand the world?  Maybe it is, but what I think gets lost when we’re asked to explain and interpret what is obvious to us is how much explaining can hurt. The act of asserting that our lives have value is a deeply heartbreaking endeavor, and when you strip away all of the intellectualizing and arguing — having that brunch conversation with an old friend was f–king painful. Though it may help change her mind, I wonder if I become more human or less human in the process?

I don’t know.

What I know is this: Those of us pushed to the margins in this country must find spaces where we are loved. It’s not the time to find ourselves in places where we feel “othered.” By all means, do the work that you feel called to do. Have the difficult conversations you feel it’s worth your time to have. But in the end, find nourishment, restoration and a sense of peace in those communities where you feel seen and understood.

For what it’s worth, I see you and I understand.

Patia Braithwaite is a black woman who believes justice, equality, and the sanctity of brunch. To learn more about her travels, both physical and spiritual, you can find her at www.menmyselfandgod.com. She Tweets and Instagrams at @pdotbrathw8

New Study Claims Women Are Faking Orgasms To End Troubling Sex Encounters

July 13th, 2016 - By Lauren R.D. Fox
Share to Twitter Email This

couple in bed unhappy

Corbis

Women are known to fake orgasms so their partners’ egos aren’t bruised during unsatisfying romps in the hay. But one study has found women also fake orgasms for another not so innocent reason: to get out of unwanted sex they didn’t necessarily consent to.

In a study created by the British Psychological Society, 15 women between the ages of 19 to 28 who had been sexually active for at least one year were interviewed to discuss why they fake the Big-O in the first place. The researchers found that “despite being recruited to talk about consensual sex, all women spoke explicitly of a problematic sexual experience,” a press release noted. Although the participants never used the terms “sexual assault” or “rape,” they described their sexual experiences as unwanted and explained the need to get out of them. “[F]aking orgasm provided a solution for ending sex where, culturally, not many options are available.”

Study author Emily Thomas of Ryerson University in Canada explained, “While some women spoke about faking orgasm in positive ways, for instance, as a pleasurable experience that heightened their own arousal, many talked about feigning pleasure in the context of unwanted and unpleasurable sexual experiences. Within these accounts, we were struck by the degree to which women were connecting the practice of faking orgasm to accounts of unwanted sex.”

By faking orgasms, the women believed they were able to exert more control over their sexual circumstances, especially when other alternatives solutions were not made available to them.

Although the entire study wasn’t released to the public, its general theme sheds light on the need to understand what consent is and how to offer or deny it.

“It appears that faking orgasm is both problematic and helpful at the same time,” the authors wrote. “On one level faking an orgasm may be a useful strategy as it affords some control over ending a sexual encounter. We are not criticizing faking practice on an individual level. We want to focus on the problems with our current lack of available language to describe women’s experiences that acknowledges, names and confronts the issues women spoke of in our interviews.”

Traveling For Love? Tinder Say’s You’ll Find It In New York, London And Paris

July 11th, 2016 - By Lauren R.D. Fox
Share to Twitter Email This

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Traveling soon and ready to find the love of your life — or at least have a mind-blowing hookup? Look no further because Tinder has some vital information for you.

According to Tinder Passport, a subdivision of the dating app, the top cities in the world to find that special someone are: London, New York and Paris. It also noted that the 12 other cities listed in the picture below are becoming popular destinations for users to match and meet potential dates.

Tinder

Tinder

Aside from romance (and sex), Tinder Passport also allows users to get to know other members so that they may create friendships or exchange tourist information. For example, despite Rio de Janeiro ranking as the seventh city to find romantic trysts, Tinder reports that they’re  seeing a 10 percent surge in swipes and matches as people prepare to travel to the Brazilian city for the Olympics.

International cities like Bali and Indonesia have also revved up in user interest since 2015 with a 60 percent increase. Drake’s beloved hometown of Toronto also saw a 44 percent increase in user swipes — no surprise there, who wouldn’t want to find a Champagne Papi for herself?

Have you found love during your travels to any of these top cities? Share your experiences below.

h/t Travel Pulse

Simple Ways To Stop All The Fussing And Fighting Going On In Your Relationship

July 6th, 2016 - By Meg Butler
Share to Twitter Email This
Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Every relationship goes through it: The two of you started arguing one day and it seems like you haven’t stopped. Setting the other person off is as easy as chewing too loudly. Suddenly everything gets on your nerves, you can’t remember the last time you had sex and things are looking bad.

But a bad relationship patch doesn’t have to mean the end. The trick is to choose the relationship over the fight. It’s sometimes easier said than done, but here are some surprisingly effective ways to do it.

Do you have a go-to move to set things right when you get into it with your partner? Share your techniques in the comment section.