All Articles Tagged "love"
Have you ever tried to convince a man to do more in your relationship, only to see him pull further away from you? There’s a smart way to communicate with a man and motivate him to invest in your relationship — without any convincing at all.
When you’re frustrated that you’re doing more than your fair share in a relationship, do you feel the need to take action and try to talk the man you’re with into giving more? Sure you do — most women react the same way. And you don’t need me to tell you that most men will resist your efforts.
That’s because of something I call “the convincer”. When you try to talk a man into doing what you want, he will naturally become “the resister”. It’s human nature.
Your convincing is a turn off for him, because he’ll feel like he’s being forced rather than making his own decision to invest in the relationship. If you really want to get a man to start putting in more effort, memorize these three key elements.
COMMUNICATION SECRET #1: Truly Listen
In order for a man to respect your feelings and needs, he needs to feel safe to share his true feelings with you. And the way to do that is to show him you’re not just venting your feelings but rather truly interested in what he has to say.
Men — just like women — need to feel like it’s okay to have their feelings, and that they will be heard and respected. And when they realize their partner isn’t really listening or interested in who they truly are or how they truly feel, they will start to shut off bit by bit.
So, approach difficult conversations with a spirit of negotiation. Understand that he has his own reasons for feeling the way he does, and listen with the intent of reaching an agreement that pleases both of you. This kind of listening makes a man feel most comfortable to open up and respond with a deeper level of thought, care and honesty.
Read more about communication at YourTango.com
Alani “LaLa” Anthony may be married to one of the most popular players in the NBA, but “basketball wife” doesn’t even begin to describe who she is or what she does. The mother and media personality recently opened up to JET magazine about maintaining her independence and what drives her hustle.
“I have an independent, hustler’s spirit,” the “Love Playbook” author tells JET. “That drives me to this day. I never want to ask anyone for anything. And that simple thing has kept me motivated because there is something about having your 26 own.”
While it may seem like she has it all together on the outside, the “LaLa’s Full Court Life” star admits that being a devoted wife, mommy and mogul isn’t always easy. However, keeping these tips at the forefront of her mind helps her to keep things in perspective.
“1. Never Stop Doing You – “The difference with me is that when I first got to know my husband I was already hosting MTV’s Total Request Live, so I came with a full career,” she says.
2. Accept That Having It All Will Require Blood, Sweat and Stilettos – When asked about balancing a family, career and friendships, Anthony responded saying, “It’s tough. I always say that people who think it isn’t aren’t being honest.”
3. Sex May Sell, But Love Keeps You Off the Market – “If you don’t try to spice it up and keep it sexy, anyone can get bored but the key is really taking time with each other,” advises Anthony.”
Read LaLa’s full interview in the latest issue of JET, which is schedule to hit stands Monday, Apr. 21.
‘Communication Will Save You Half The Drama:’ Christina Milian Offers Post-Divorce Co-Parenting Advice
Since calling out ex-husband, The-Dream, as a deadbeat dad a few years ago, singer and actress Christina Milian appears to be in a much better place. So much so, that during a recent appearance on “Good Morning America,” the actress and singer offered advice for co-parenting post divorce.
“Take a second and breathe. You know, have the best intentions. Pray on it,” she explained. “I think that communication will save you half the drama. You know, it makes things so much easier. And I think I learned that. I went to therapy early on in my divorce.”
Because she’s in a much better place since overcoming the initial hurdles of co-parenting in the wake of an ugly divorce, Christina says she’s in a position to help others.
“I feel like I’m in a good place, then all the better to just put it out there and hope that it can help someone else. She added, “We all figure it out,” she said. “Sometimes, you just got to take it, take the lesson, and learn, and know that this happened for a reason.”
As for when she feels is an appropriate time to introduce your children to a new love interest, the engaged singer says definitely take your time.
“I think it’s very important to take your time when introducing a new person into your child’s life. You want to make sure this is going to work out so you’re not introducing them to a new person over and over again because you never know who is going to be the one.”
Despite the unique dynamic of their blended family, Christina says four-year-old Violet has a great understanding that she’s deeply loved by both her mother and father—even though they’re not together anymore.
“My motivation at the end of the day was making sure that my daughter had two parents that were in her life consistently, She’s a really smart girl and I think she has a healthy understanding of knowing that mommy and daddy are no longer together but we both love her.”
Let’s be honest: when it comes to stalking your ex, your detective level is on expert. From creeping his latest pictures with his new girlfriend to going through his statuses just because they’re readily available, you hardly notice when your digital stalking becomes a full-blown habit. Why is that? Even though you swear that you’ve moved on, there’s a small part of you that can’t help but wonder how he’s coping without you.
Is it possible that there’s more to this than curiosity or jealousy?
Intrigued by human behavior, University of Missouri School of Journalism’s Kevin Wise set forth to crack this code through the use of facial EMG sensors which, when connected to the eye muscles, detect the levels of positive reaction stemming from visual stimuli. In his study, the assisstant professor of strategic communication closely documented the facebook activity of over 30 subjects.
In the results of his social experiment, he found that most of the participants used facebook to search through the pages of both friends and former partners; he believes that his findings show that people often experience an instant “emotional gratification” from connecting to fellow users through their personal pages. While Wise sees facebook “social searching” as a form of emotional bonding, other critics aren’t as ready to accept this conclusion.
Read more about stalking at YourTango.com
Just days after Kandi and Todd tied the knot, Mama Joyce came forward and revealed that there was a bit of disharmony between the bride and groom a few days before the wedding because due to Todd’s refusal to sign the prenuptial agreement.
“I got a little pissed at the bridegroom the night before this wedding,” Joyce explained. “He kind of held up on signing the prenup and didn’t come to the rehearsal dinner because he didn’t want to sign it. His mom said she didn’t see no reason for him to have to sign because they were in love. He was the one who didn’t have a damn thing, but that’s another story. But from what I understand, he did sign.”
During a recent interview with the Tom Joyner Show, Kandi admitted that there was an issue regarding the signing of the prenup in the days preceding the wedding, but not for the reason that most of us may have been lead to believe.
“He always said that he would sign it, but I guess after he had met with his attorney they were bringing up stuff that they felt like was unfair. It wasn’t anything to do with the money part. My attorney had added some things that would normally be in a will. Itwas some extra stuff.”
As for Fantasia’s colorful wedding speech, Kandi says people blew it way out of proportion.
“It really wasn’t that serious,” the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” star expressed. “I hate that people tried to turn it into something else. It didn’t bother me at all. I was laughing my butt off. I thought it was funny. She had a drink or two, so she was feeling good. She’s supposed to feel comfortable around me. It bothered me that people tried to make more out of it than what it really was.”
Kandi also confirmed rumors that Mama Joyce and Todd’s mom, Miss Sharon, don’t get along so well. Apparently we’ll be able to witness the in-law drama unfold once her Bravo wedding special airs.
Listen to Kandi’s full interview below.
Is there a way to move out of booty call zone? I’m frustrated and lost. I love him but I know it’s partially my fault. I am a successful up and coming lawyer. I was also the booty call for two years until I started to refuse a couple of months ago.
When we first met I used to reject any talk about relationships. After we had sex for the first time he asked about us being together and I refused. He invited me on dates several times and I declined. Stupid me. I was afraid of being in a relationship. He used to ask me to come over just to hang out even on my periods to show me that it was not just sex he wanted. I used to not even acknowledge him in public.
Then I found out he was sleeping with a girl I knew at the same time. Apparently, he would call me first then when I declined he would call her. This got me really upset but because I liked him I didn’t show it. We stopped for a while, then started to have sex again.
He used to sleep over. We would get dressed for work together and act like a little family. Now it’s just confusing. If we see each other at parties, he gives me a nasty stare when I am talking to another guy. He stopped talking to me in public because I used to not acknowledge him and he said he’s fed up of me hiding. He also has hooked back up with his ex sexually.
Help! I want him as my best friend and husband. I want him so badly but I think now I’m just stuck in the booty call zone.
Frustrated, Lonely & Hopeless
Read Abiola’s response
While an initial spark is all it takes for a man to ask you out and crave you sexually, there needs to be something more for him to want to commit to you exclusively. He needs to feel that he can’t wait to make you his and that he can’t stand the thought of you being with anyone else.
Rather than having “the talk” or giving him ultimatums, wouldn’t it be great if you could create that feeling so that he is the one asking you for a commitment? You can if you practice these simple steps:
1. DON’T keep bringing up the “commitment” discussion.
When you feel anxious or worried about where your relationship is headed, it’s hard to resist wanting to know what he’s thinking.
But constantly trying to talk with him about commitment feels stressful to him and will only make him dig in his heels and retreat — even if he was on the verge of committing all on his own. So, no matter how much you’re dying to know what he’s thinking, resist the temptation to bring up this tender topic.
2. DON’T try convincing him
The more you try to make a case for how great you are as a couple, the more he feels cornered and manipulated. Your reasoning feels like criticism to him and makes him unable to share his true feelings. That’s certainly not the vibe you want to create in a loving relationship.
A man falls in love when he feels like he can make you happy by being himself and sharing the deepest parts of who he is. By rejecting those parts, you make him feel wrong and cause him to protect his true feelings — and his heart — from connecting with yours.
3. DO share your good feelings
When you feel good with a man, let him know! By opening up and sharing your feelings, you allow him to connect to you and the positive experience you are sharing. It makes him feel good that he makes you feel good, and he’ll want more of that good stuff.
As you continue to lay a stronger foundation of positive feelings, it’s only natural that he will see you as a necessary and beautiful part of his life — and he’ll want to make sure you stay in it.
Read more about commitment at YourTango.com
From Hello Beautiful
We all know the cliche, “Nice guys finish last,” but what about us? Nice girls finish after way after nice guys. Think about it. There’s books dedicated to men loving witches with a capital B. When women are apathetic, no-nonsense and could care less about what people think often serves as a challenge for men and we all know that men love challenges.
Nice women who are loyal, supportive and just want honesty and respect in return usually get the short end of the stick. I know because I’ve been all of these things to men and have seen my stick get shorter and shorter.
Somewhere along the way, romantic and genuinely sweet gestures have become annoyances and expected, so they are never truly appreciated. Love cannot be bought or earned. The receiver of the nice treatment does not always feel love for the giver. In fact, they may feel manipulated, burdened or just ungrateful.
A few years ago, I met this adorable guy named Gavin. He was tall, smart, funny, ridiculously sweet and attentive. I thought I’d hit the jackpot. One night, Gavin wanted to hang out, but I explained to him that I was going to be celebrating my friend’s birthday at a local restaurant.
Gain sighed heavily, “And after?”
His desperation was adorable in the first couple of weeks. He loved spending time with me and was never shy to vocalize that. But after the hearts and stars in my eyes began to fade, I became increasingly irritated by his urgency. “After, I don’t know. It’s Lisa’s birthday, so we’ll probably be out,” I rolled my eyes. “I have to go babe. I’ll call you when I’m done.” I hung up, ready to complain to my girlfriends about how thirsty Gavin was becoming.
“I can’t believe you’re complaining about your boyfriend wanting to spend time with you. Why are you even with him?” One of my girlfriends challenged my disdain.
Continue this story about being nice in relationships at HelloBeautiful.com
Do you have a secret crush on one of your guy friends? Don’t feel bad, check out some of your favorite celebrity couples who started out as friends and eventually moved on to be much more! Don’t give up hope just yet.
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I got married in May 2011 and my husband left six months later after a heated argument when I asked him to leave my house. Needless to say he never returned. I reached out with very little response and the times he wanted to talk he blamed me for everything. Eventually he cut off all communication with me. This went on until June 2012. At this point, I was lost and I prayed and prayed until I said I’m going to try to call him once more. Well, he answered but the response was devastating. He pretended that he didn’t know who I was! My reaction, of course, was filled with tears and pain. I said, “This is your wife.” He laughed at me and hung up. Once again, there was no communication. I filed for divorce on May 1st and he signed the papers the next day. Our divorce was final by July 2012. The process was so swift and fast it was hard to deal with. My question is, why was divorce such an easy outlet for him when he is the one who left and never returned? Why wouldn’t he file for the divorce? It has been almost two years. I feel I’m better and this is my testimony. But I must live with fact that I will never truly know why he left, cut off all communications and made me feel obsolete like the marriage never occurred. It’s a hard factor to live with for the rest of my life. Any advice or thoughts to help me through this?
A Sweet Lady
Read Dr.Sherry’s response at Essence.com