All Articles Tagged "love jones"
What’s the difference between being thirsty and casual flirtation?
That question crossed my mind the other day while virtually hanging out in a closed Facebook group. I won’t say which one it was, but it has to do with hair. Anyway, the other day a guy comes into the group and introduces himself. It’s a hair group so it’s mostly dominated by women, but no biggie because men have hair too, right? Well, he starts off well, posting hair pictures, talking about hair regimens and engaging in the normal non-hair related gossip we are so fond of from time to time. And then, without warning or provocation, the guy decided to jump straight out the window and ask the room of a few thousand strange women (and men and probably intersex too), if there was anyone interested in being his lady?
Maybe I just haven’t caught up with all the other uses of this new technology, but this approach to dating just seems, for a lack of a better word, desperate. If not thirsty, definitely his open air pitch was cover for some extreme drought-like conditions in the sex and romance department. Perhaps I have been subjected to the advances of too many aggressive and hyper dudes over the years, but I see boldly posting in a chat room of mostly women, “who wants to be my woman?” as the equivalent of standing on a street corner and hollering at each and every girl you see, “Hey baby, what’s your name? Hey girl, come here and let me talk to you for a second. Girl, don’t walk past me without giving me your number.”
Basically, that’s something that only the thirsty would do.
However, not everyone sees it that way. In fact, when I posed the scenario on my own personal Facebook page, I received varied responses: from those who thought that dude was so thirsty, he was on the verge of seeing desert mirages, to a couple of Facebook friends, who thought that the chat room guy was just seizing the moment. Said one friend:
“I don’t like that term. There’s nothing wrong with desiring or trying to get your needs met and that is what thirst is…..a need. It maybe how you get them met that makes it a problem but if the guy is putting his need out there. Nothing wrong with it.”
I actually don’t disagree with this. I mean, conventional wisdom tells us all the time that those who ask, shall receive. I’m sure his inbox got a few hits from some ladies, who too might be on their carpe diem vibe. And it is not like there isn’t precedence. Remember in the film Love Jones when Darius Lovehall showed up to Nina Mosley’s apartment unannounced because he was uninvited? If you’ll recall the plot points, he got her address from a check she left behind at a record store. And remember on the television show Family Matters when Urkel committed to a whole bunch of antics, which could be classified as high-level thirst, to gain the affection of beloved next door neighbor Laura? Being thirsty, and then acting on it, certainly played out well in the romantic best interests of both men in both situations.
But that’s in film and television. In real life, there are all sorts of awkward and downright dangerous things that could befall someone who falls prey to the unquenched desires of the thirsty. At the least, you could end up having to cyber cuss out some annoyingly desperate dude, who persistently pursues you via text message or your Facebook wall. Worst case scenario, you could end up like Georgina Bloomberg, daughter of New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who had to get the police involved with her love-crazed cyberstalker, who sent her numerous and at times crazy emails, text messages and Facebook postings. And according to the University of Houston Women’s Resource Center website, approximately eight percent of women and two percent of men have been stalked at some point in their lives. Generally speaking, “stalking behavior may be seen by the stalker as romantic rather than intimidating, but the fear experienced by the victim is a more reliable indicator of stalking than the intention of the perpetrator.”
However, even with the potential for danger, the lines between the flirt and the thirst are pretty blurred. Just look at some of the varied responses to this article in Gawker about Brody the barista, who sent a video “selfie” to LA model Piper Kennedy a day after meeting and “reluctantly” ciphering a phone number from her lips. According to the Gawker article, “Brody can be seen “sensually” touching his face with his hand while Drake’s ‘Hold On, We’re Going Home’ plays in the background.” It is probably the most pitifully hilarious 16 seconds you will see on film today. Or maybe not. As one of the commentators pointed out in the comment section, “So she gives her phone number to the guy, and he rightfully assumes that it would be acceptable to text her a flirtatious message. He does so in a creepy but still PG-rated way, she shames him in front of millions.”
There does appear to be an effort as of late to reclaim – or completely abolish – the term, “thirsty.” I don’t know if I agree fully with the rationale, however, I can somewhat empathize. Perhaps the fellas are sick and tired of having their legitimate interest in the opposite (or even same) sex be dismissed or diminished as desperate. It is possible that the acceptance of some flirty behavior might depend upon the attractiveness of the pursuer. With that said, I have also been in positions where a very attractive guy did something so desperate that it became an instant turnoff. So perhaps folks are trying to normalize some pretty abhorrent behavior all in the interest of not appearing desperate. Since technology, particularly social networking, is still in its infancy stages, the rules that govern the appropriateness of flirtatious behavior are still being defined. Until those parameters are set, I think it is best to leave those boundaries up to the recipient(s) of the attention.
I remember in the early nineties watching my older sister get ready for date night. The boys would call our house phone and would automatically have to speak to one of our parents or, if they were lucky, me, the little sister. At that time, you couldn’t rely on technology to advance your relationships. There was something special about the romantic essence of 1990s love: dating timelines had more embellishments like a designer dress. Today, romance can be found instantaneously at any coffee shop, lounge, or school hallway. Nineties relationships appeared fun — house parties, late-night jonesing and Guy’s ‘Let’s Chill’ could set the mood at any moment. I could not wait to grow up and experience the same thing, but instead I found myself in the “Hook-Up” generation.
In the CNN article, Young Adults and Hook A Up Culture, Ian Kerner writes, “College is a rite of passage, filled with experiences ranging from parties to all-night cram sessions to that first serious relationship. Yet romance may be getting short shrift these days, replaced instead with quick “hookups” devoid of any real emotion.” That’s the argument of a provocative new book, “The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy,” by Donna Freitas.
The dating culture has changed, but its evolution did not leave emotions behind. What has taken place is nonchalant behavior, which the millennial generation appears to be conflicted by. Freitas argues college students who engage in hooking up — kissing and more in depth sexual activity — usually feel empty and depressed. She gathered her research from “557 male and female students who responded to a question asking how they felt the morning after a hookup, 41% of those expressed sadness, regret and ambivalence.”
There have been numerous claims that the dating culture of millennials pressures young men and women to indulge in unfulfilling hookups, though they may not enjoy it.
Like most young adults, I lived on campus for college and engaged in many nights of the infamous “What Happens Here, Stays Here” motto. But one valuable piece of information Freitas’ research does not cover, were the people surveyed under any type of influence before or during their hookups?
The millennial generation and its surrounding pop culture are known for normalizing the use of narcotics, which does not give room for a focused mind. Also most young people can agree, unlike the generations before them, they would like to learn how to commit to themselves before they can with another person. So, perhaps like college, hooking up is also a rite of passage in the grand scheme of romantic/sexual relationships.
The confusion that is pre-packaged with hookups can be exhilarating, mysterious, exhausting, emotional and downright hot, but I believe the true question to ask is: Should dating culture evolve for the sake of intimacy? And if not, then where do we go from here?
Reunited and it feels so good!
One of our favorite on-screen couples from the ’90s have found themselves back in each other’s arms. Well, almost.
Clueless stars Stacey Dash and Donald Faison — better known as dysfunctional couple Dionne and Murray — will be starring side-by-side again on an episode of the TV Land comedy, “The Exes.”
According to reports, Dash will play Dana, a recommitted virgin who is currently dating Faison’s character, Phil.
The episode is slated to air in July, but until then, lets take a look at 10 other couples from television and the big screen that we’d love to see work together again.
Read more at HelloBeautiful.com
It’s that special time of the year again. That time when you look at that someone special beside you and thank your lucky stars that you found them. And while, sure, you can head to the hottest restaurant for a night out, why not do something a little lower key this year and stay at home, cook some amazing food and pop in one of these utterly romantic, amazing sweet, heart-warmingly awesome movies? Here are a few flicks that will make for a very romantic blockbuster night.
When it’s time to spend some time at home with friends and fam, these are the movies you play over and over again until you know half the words. We have 15 of our favorite hood classics here. If we missed your favorite, let us know in the comments section.
If you’ve been paying attention, you’ve noticed that relationship advice is everywhere. In television shows, in books, on this site and even in church, everybody has something to say about what you should be doing in your relationship. Some of it can be valuable, depending on the source; but in most instances, the relationship advice we get from the media (and people easily influenced by the media) ranks somewhere on the ridiculousness meter. The most blatant examples of terrible relationship advice come from a lot of women’s favorite form of media: romantic comedies. Don’t believe me? Check out some of these examples…
Relationships on television shows and in movies can be like a gift and a curse. Sometimes they can be so outlandish that you’re glad it’s not real. But then there are the times that you see a couple with issues you’ve seen in your own relationships and you instantly love them. These are some of our favorite onscreen couples in television and movies. Who is your favorite?
This is the moment some of you have been waiting for! When it comes to black movies, Love Jones is probably in everybody’s top five. To this day, fifteen years after the film’s initial release, people still talk about Darius Lovehall and Nina Mosley like they were real people instead of fictional characters. We own the DVD, know the lyrics to every song on the soundtrack and truth be told some of us are still out here looking for a Darius and Nina kind of love. You know the movie and the effect it had on you but do you know these behind the scenes facts?
It Didn’t Make Much Money in the Theaters but the Critics Loved it about as much as We Did
Even though the film only grossed $12 million at the box office, the incredible story, slamming soundtrack–which earned the 16th spot on the Billboard top 200–and positive critical reception made it a classic. The people as well as the critics loved it. Roger Ebert, who gave the film 3 out of 4 stars, was particularly impressed with the acting: “It’s hard to believe that Tate–so smooth, literate and attractive here–played the savage killer O-Dog in Menace II Society. Nia Long was Brandi, one of the girl friends, in Boyz N the Hood. Love Jones extends their range, to put it mildly.”
Another critic, James Berardinelli, noted that the dialogue is what set this film apart from the rest. “And Love Jones’s dialogue is rarely trite. When the characters open their mouths, it usually is because they have something intelligent to say, not because they’re trying to fill up dead air with meaningless words.”
Subsequent to the release of the box office hit Think Like A Man that came out last month, we decided to go down memory lane and reminisce about some of the best black films of the ’90s. Last time we gave you few movies that we loved in part one and noticed many of you were quite anxious for part two, and even had films that you wanted to recommend. Well, here it is: Part 2, and you will not be disappointed. And if you are…*Kanye shrug* We tried…
Love Jones (1997)
Many people seem to love Love Jones. Why? Because most would agree that unlike most romantic films, it’s one of those movies that just keeps it real about the struggle in searching for love. It’s a black urban romantic comedy set in Chicago, involving a a male poet named Darius (Larenz Tate), who persistently pursues a female photographer, the lovely Nina. But feelings are soon assessed by her after a series of romantic obstacles are set in motion that force her to try and find out if her old beau is the real deal or if she needs to be with Darius. The movie includes a great soundtrack and several scenes intertwined with soulful jazz music and spoken word.
If you are a single woman, you may have this problem: A favorite male friend that has become a substitute boyfriend. He’s the charming fellow who shows up at the right time, says the right thing and is always seemingly available when you want to hang out. Besides that, he’s straight. Single. And, most importantly, not trying to holler. If he was, you would look at him sideways for violating your friendship. That said, it won’t stop you from treating the homey, like the boo and showing him a little extra love. Click through the following pages and decide: Is he your friend or a substitute boyfriend.