All Articles Tagged "love and relationships"

What Ball & Chain? Reasons Why Married Sex Is The Best

May 14th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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Getting married isn’t for everyone. There will be ups, downs and everything else that happens in between. It’s a lifelong commitment where you vow to be someone else’s witness and love them until your end days.

While many throw in the towel (y’all seen the divorce rate), some think being married is like wearing a ball and chain. Aside from love and all that stuff, here are some reasons why activity between the sheets is awesome when you’re husband and wife.

Hard Times Or Red Flags? Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Have Their ‘Ish Together

May 12th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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The goal of any relationship should be to have one full of love, honesty and growth. Sure it’s not going to be perfect for full of roses all the time, but that doesn’t mean you can’t set your eyes on the top prize.

While it’s good to celebrate milestones and achievements you might also want to pay attention to questionable behavior. Sometimes people show us who they truly are in the beginning. It’s up to us to look for warning signs. Here are some ways your partner doesn’t have their life together.

14 Reasons Not To Spill Your Relationship Tea

May 11th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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Being in a relationship can have its ups and downs. One minute you feel like everything is perfect and the next, nothing seems to work. Unfortunately, the roller coasters are a part of life.

Just try to keep those rollercoasters to yourself.

Too many couples are spilling a little too much tea regarding their love life. While it might pay the big bucks on reality television, here are a few reasons why you should zip your lip.

Are You To Blame? Common Relationship Killers to Avoid

May 7th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been dating or married, your relationship can and will experience setbacks. It’s only inevitable for life to deal you blows but that doesn’t mean you sabotage your own happiness with bad actions. Take a look at these common relationship killers.

Are you guilty of any?

High Maintenance Or Just Keeping It Real? Common First Date Expectations

May 6th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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When it comes to a first date, what are some things you expect to happen? Do you have a long list of wishes or simply take it all in stride? The dating game has certainly changed over the years. Here are some general expectations most may have for a first date. Some make sense, others we may need to loosen up on.

Mind Your Business: How To Keep Your Family Out Of Your Relationship

May 5th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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You love your family. You love your spouse or partner. Sooner or later you must ask yourself why it is the two parties can’t just get along.

Hopefully, it’s an easy fix as no one wants to deal with drama from their own camp. Here are some pointers or establishing healthy boundaries between your family and your relationship.

It Hurts, But You’re Still Alive: How To Get Over a Bad Breakup

May 1st, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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No matter how hard you try, sometimes relationships just aren’t intended to have a happily ever after. People cheat, lie, steal and do other things that compromise much needed trust to continue. Then there are times when you just grow apart. Regardless of how it ends, here are some pointers that will help you get over a bad breakup.

There’s No Such Thing As Casual Sex

January 30th, 2015 - By TaMara Griffin
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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Girl meets guy. Guy meets girl. They “hook up” for a sexual encounter. Guy never calls girl again — unless he wants to hook up. Girl feels abandoned and used. Sound familiar? This is just one example of the “consequences” of a casual sexual relationship. Rarely do these random indiscretions ever turn into more than a few nights of sex. Nevertheless, many people are finding “comfort” in, or settling for, casual sexcapades.

Now of course what happens between two consenting adults should not be up for discussion or debate, however I caution all of us to think twice about the unintended consequences of casual sex.

Given the fact that sex, casual or not, involves an intimate exchange of energy, one should take into consideration the ramifications of engaging in the horizontal mambo. Casual sex does not come without risk. In fact, some studies show that casual sex is not all that it’s cracked up to be. Reports indicate that people are often left emotionally distressed, physically jeopardized, spiritually conflicted, legally frustrated, financially burdened and socially destroyed by so called “casual” physical engagements. In addition, many times casual encounters happen under the influence of alcohol and/or other substances. While under the influence, people make choices that they would not usually make when sober. In addition, people are not able to give “informed consent.” When they awake in the morning, often times alone, sober with a hangover; it’s all bad and they are left to deal with the fallout of their sexual tryst. Some ramifications of the fallout include:

  • Feeling emotionally empty. Casual sexual encounters can sometimes have lasting effects which may include the inability of a person to form strong emotional bonds of love, intimacy, attachment and/or trust. Often people settle for casual sex because they are longing to have a connection with someone, however, after a casual sexual encounter they are left feeling emptier than before the encounter.
  • Your body’s physically jeopardized. There is always the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), HIV, and unintended pregnancy whenever a person has sex. Even though condoms and dental dams are considered effective, when used consistently and correctly there is always a chance for failure, especially if there is alcohol or some other substance involved. In addition, if there have been multiple casual sexual encounters with the same person, comfort levels begin to disappear and so does the likelihood of using a condom. The question you must ultimately ask yourself is, is this one casual encounter worth the consequence and repercussions that might follow?
  • You’re spiritually conflicted. When two people have sex, there is an exchange of energy. Hormones are released into the blood stream that help bond people together. In addition, when it comes to sexual intercourse, the receiving partner literally receives something inside of their body. For people who may be practicing celibacy or who were raised to believe that sex before marriage is wrong, a slip up of casual sex may cause them to question their morals and values.  Consider the fact that there is no exclusivity, you never know who else they might be having sex with, and every time you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone they have had sex with as well and that energy, and sometimes STIs, transfers from person to person. Be responsible for your sexual health.
  • You’re legally frustrated. If you fall victim to your hormones and wind up conceiving you may end up a “friend of the court.” The process of establishing paternity can be frustrating and takes an emotional toll on everyone involved. Now you must deal with potentially missing work, late child support payments, garnishment, legal fees, and destroyed relationships; all because you were blinded by sex. Unfortunately, many times the one who is truly the casualty of this one night stand is the child because oftentimes the parents cannot seem to work things out in a mature manner.
  • You’re financially burdened. Let us say for example in this moment of passion, for whatever reason, you fail to practice safer sex. And as a result, you end up pregnant or getting someone pregnant or get infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Now, you are taking care of a baby, you did not want or plan for, paying for treatment for an STI, child support payment, court cost, time of work, another mouth to feed, the list goes on.
  • You’re socially destroyed. Often time people who engage in casual sex, especially women, develop a negative reputation. This reputation has a tendency to follow you and even may prevent someone from taking you seriously or seeing you as “relationship material.” Additionally, if one or both parties are married, the havoc on the spouse(s) and any children involved can be very detrimental and leave a lasting negative impact on all parties involved.

I’m not saying that people should not engage in casual sex. However, I am saying that if one should decide to partake in a casual moment of pure unadulterated bliss, then they should be well aware of the potential risk so that they can make an informed decision. It is important to think with our head and not with our hormones because at the end of the day, that five or ten minutes of pleasure may not be worth the orgasm.

 

photo-13Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

Love Hurts, But Not That Much: 15 Ways Not To Handle A Break-Up

November 12th, 2014 - By M A
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The old adage goes “It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” Well, tell that to anyone who has had their heartbroken. While some of us are able to channel the emotional setback in positive ways, many of us take a slightly different approach. So in the spirit of encouraging rising above (and not going to jail) we bring you 15 ways not to handle a break-up.

He’s Got PMS: Why I Refuse To Date A ‘Moody’ Man

December 17th, 2013 - By Erica R. Williams
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My dating drought was finally over. I had found a guy that I enjoyed talking to and hanging out with, and even better is that we shared so much in common. Unfortunately, we had too much in common. His flaws were shockingly similar to mine, and while you would think this would make us relate to each other better, there was one flaw that I just couldn’t tolerate. He was moody. And while I know that every person comes with a set of inadequacies, moodiness is one trait that I cannot handle, specifically in a man.

Unfortunately, life is full of double standards when it comes to men and women, and most times it seems that women get the shorter end of the stick. Men are able to get away with much more, simply because of their gender, but women are bound by society’s standards of what it means to be a ‘lady’. Now, usually I am an advocate for battling double standards, but I stand firm in the fact that I don’t think men are allowed to be me. Yes, I said allowed.  Sure, men are human too (I guess), but moodiness is usually something that is associated with women, specifically during hormonal changes that men don’t have. So in my opinion, they’re not allowed a ‘moody pass’, one that we’re given a few days out of a month.

I’m sure no one is writing ‘moody’ in their list of desirable traits in a mate, but most men probably assume that occasional moodiness accompanies every woman. Hello! That’s why the term “PMS-ing” is real. But let’s be clear, this sometimes offensive verb is designated for women only.

My new guy was extremely nice and funny. We clicked and totally connected. He was consistent with this attitude for the first few weeks, but then when I got to know him, I started seeing the real him. The one that would randomly creep out of his personality sporadically and then go away just as fast as it came.

Initially, I thought he was just not feeling me anymore and didn’t know how to say it, but it was confusing because he wanted to hang out and talk to me often. Finally, he decided to confide in me. He said that many of his relationships in the past didn’t last because women complained about his moodiness. He also said that because we shared the same zodiac sign (Capricorn), he was sure I would understand. He was wrong–I didn’t.

Men are usually thought to be more stable in their emotions, at least with things other than relationships. So the ‘one minute you’re happy, 10 minutes later you’re sad and want to be left alone’ attitude coming consistently from a man threw me for a loop; and needless to say I wasn’t feeling him. Translation: I wasn’t feeling my guy anymore and my dating drought was back on.

Some may say I missed out on a possible love connection, but I think I saved myself a lot of emotional drama. If he can’t figure out what do with his own emotions, I most certainly couldn’t trust him with mine.

Ladies, have you ever dated a moody man and how was your experience? Is ‘moodiness’ something you won’t tolerate either?