Credit: Shutterstock

From Your Tango

This simple tip may end his “texting games” forever and will get you the respect you deserve.

A reader of mine asked:

“Alex,

I recently met this guy and everything seemed to be going ok until he started taking over 3 hours to reply to my text messages. I thought guys were into texting but apparently not this guy. Why is it taking him so long to answer my messages? We can be texting back an forth for a while then suddenly NOTHING for hours. I told him this bothers me but he keeps doing it!

What’s the problem? I’m really frustrated especially because we don’t talk on the phone or on the internet…just texting.

Lisa”

Read what Alex had to say at YourTango.com.

Credit: Shutterstock

From YourTango

A lot of people think of acts of romance as being gender-specific. Men should bring home bouquets of long-stemmed roses and women should wear naughty lingerie to keep the fire burning in their relationships. The problem with this kind of thinking is that it perpetuates false gender roles and actually misleads people into following a set of rigid sex-centric guidelines that ends up hurting the relationship — and disregards your uniqueness as a couple. I have a solution. (And I’d love to have you join me on the Love On Purpose Revolution Telesummit, where you can hear top relationship experts like me share our best strategies for creating love on purpose in your life!)

So here’s my secret technique: consider romance from the perspective of a cat or a dog.

Read more at YourTango.com.

Credit: Shutterstock

From Essence

Is It Time to Start Over?

Shutterstock

A while ago I attended a party with a few friends and co-workers. While everyone was dancing, eating and drinking, I sat down next to one of my friends and we began to chat about the atmosphere. As we chatted and gazed around the room, we noticed something a little odd. We noticed that a mutual associate of ours was wrapped in a very intimate embrace with her main male squeeze…nothing too peculiar about that, but what was odd was that while we observed her intimately embracing her main squeeze, we also saw the man she was dating on the side standing next to them, watching them as they embraced; and not only that, during the embrace, she gazed into the male “Misteress’” eyes and he smiled at her. When this moment ended, they all stood there talking and laughing as if they were all best friends.

Now this may not seem strange to some, but it was to my friend and I who were observing this scene, because both men seemed aware that she was being intimately involved with both of them. Again, this may not seem too out of the ordinary for some, but ladies what I want to know is, is it okay for a woman to have her main squeeze and her side dish get along, especially when they both know about her relationship with them both?

Some may say yes, as long as both men know where they stand, and they aren’t disrespectful to each other, which is a very valid point; but how respectful is it knowing that the woman they are involved with is intimately involved with someone else? And you know who he is! Personally, I think this is disrespectful to both men, and the woman. Why? Because both men deserve to be with one woman who will engage in a healthy, monogamous relationship with them, and give them all of the attention they need (if that’s what they want). It also shows disrespectful actions from the woman. How? Because as a woman, she should have more respect for her man and herself, and should respect the relationship she is involved in. Now I know many of you may be thinking, but men do this all the time and no one seems to have a problem with it! While this may be true, what we fail to realize is that some mistresses do struggle with being the other woman; but they keep their struggle inside.

Relationships are hard to maintain with two people involved, and when there is a third or even fourth party involved, things can really get crazy because of the emotional attachments that can occur. It is my personal belief that it is not cool for a woman to have her main squeeze and her side dish get a long, or even know each other at all, because as I stated previously, it’s disrespectful to the men involved and the relationship(s). Even if the men involved are okay with knowing each other and knowing their position, you never know what they are saying about the woman behind her back to each other, and other men. The art of discretion is a gift that is a part of a woman’s natural being.  Practicing discretion as a woman is a must, especially when it comes to our intimate affairs and our relationships. If you have a main squeeze and a side dish, or you’re just seeing multiple guys at one time, keep them separate for your own self-respect, and for the sake of the self-respect of the men involved. Even if they don’t care, you should because showing and giving a man the respect they deserve in any type of relationship will make you a better woman and them a better man.

Ladies do you think it’s cool for a woman to have their main squeeze and their side dish know each other?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

Credit: Shutterstock

From YourTango

Even the hottest of romances hit a few bumps in the road. Whether it’s forgetting the anniversary of your first date or trying to get out of walking the dog, there’s plenty to fight about when you’re in love. So why should finances pile unnecessary stress on to your relationship?

Here’s a look at three financial feuds you just don’t need to have.

1. The scenario: Lying about money.

Fibbing to your sweetie about how much you spent (or charged on the credit card), that you forgot to balance the checkbook or pay a bill on time can lead to feelings of betrayal. And cause a chasm to grow in between the two of you.

Read more at YourTango.com.

Credit: Shutterstock

From YourTango

Coming home from vacation is so hard! While you’re swinging in a hammock in paradise you forget your long list of things-to-do, your bills, your diet and your boss. Coming home is a startling return to reality.

Josh’s return home was especially startling.

Home from Maui with his new bride, he went to their bulging mailbox to retrieve the mail. He wondered how two people could get this much mail in just one week? At least the wedding and honeymoon bills hadn’t arrived yet. He hated to think of the bills they racked up in the last few weeks! But a wedding and once-in-lifetime-trip was worth it and he knew he and Paige would remember this time forever.

Read more at YourTango.com.

Credit: Shutterstock

From Your Tango

New York, NY (March 24, 2013): A survey of mental health professionals from YourTango.com dispels several long-held myths, and reveals what actually makes a man husband material.

For starters, is it true that you can tell everything you need to know about how a man will treat you by looking at his relationship with his mother? “Not even close,” say 65 percent of respondents. However, YourTangoExpert Jennifer Elizabeth Masters disagrees, explaining, “If a man is disrespectful of his mother, he will disrespect you. If he does not get along with his mother, he is a bad risk.”

If you think that a man ho has never been married by age 40 likely has a deep-seated fear of commitment or some other undesirable issue to resolve, you’re in the minority; fifty-five percent of experts disagree with this assumption.

Read more from YourTango.com.

Credit: Shutterstock

From Your Tango

Have you ever wondered why some great men date women who seem … beneath them, while other guys date women who are way out of their leagues? It makes no sense! Still, you see these types of couples all the time.

Well, after meticulously observing these types of couples and analyzing them instensely, I discovered that there are five kinds of men who tend to date women who just don’t seem like a natural match. Here’s who those guys are and why they date the women they date:

Read more at YourTango.com.

Shutterstock

A few years ago, I was invited to attend a promotional event that focused on African-American authors and relationships. The atmosphere was filled with laughter, intriguing conversation, and a number of single, attractive men and women. At about 9:30 p.m., an extremely handsome gentleman walked through the doors of the venue with his business partner and took a seat just as I was getting ready to speak about my book. Shortly after my presentation, the event ended and instantly turned into a “mix and mingle” networking session. As all of the authors and attendees engaged in conversation, I started gathering my things to head home.

Before I could finish putting my things away, the handsome gentleman made his way over to me and began what was his form of flattery. He began the conversation very casually and smoothly by complimenting my presentation and the concept of my book. He then shifted the conversation toward discussing several marketing strategies with me. Before long, we exchanged information. Shortly after our initial conversation, I contacted him to gather more information about marketing; and then soon after that we were emailing, calling, and texting each other almost every day to discuss everything but marketing. We repeated this pattern for about two to three weeks, and before I knew it, we were in an intense relationship. During the beginning stages of our relationship I was on the path of starting my writing career, so there were a number of events I was invited to attend to speak, book signings and invitations to provide commentary or other articles for various magazines, etc. So of course, while all of these wonderful things were happening to me, I shared them with my new significant other. Initially, he celebrated with me, but as more doors opened for me in my professional career, he seemed to be happy, but he expressed it differently.

While my then-mate congratulated me on my small victories, he would say things like, ‘Let me see what writing I can do for this magazine,’ or ‘you know how I do things…I spend my evening with stars and meeting all sorts of people,’ so on and so on. It also seemed as though every time I shared something with him, he would say what he was going to do next, or what he was planning to do. Initially, this didn’t bother me because I simply thought he was sharing his small victories and plans with me, but as time went on and he consistently mentioned all of his victories to me, I noticed how his attitude towards my success changed. He suddenly became disinterested in hearing about my accomplishments (not that I shared all of them or threw them in his face), if he couldn’t make it to an event he wouldn’t ask me how things went, and if he did ask about the event he would say things that were demeaning and discouraging. As I started noticing these changes, I thought I was being overly sensitive to the fact that he wasn’t as interested and excited about my small victories as I was, so I gave it some more time and more observation of his character; and sure enough I was right…he was trying to compete with me.

Did he openly admit that we were in a competition…no; but the signs were all there. He wouldn’t celebrate with me as much, nor would he even try to motivate me as he once did, amongst other things. I initally thought to myself, maybe he’s intimidated by me, or maybe he just wants to focus in more on his career because as my career grew, I noticed that he worked hard at getting his career off the ground and stable. Who knows? But at that time in my life I felt as though I was involved in a miniature battle of the sexes,  and I hope this never happens again because when I’m in a relationship, I want to motivate my mate to do better and support him wholeheartedly, but I want and deserve the same in return. I once heard someone say that some men are intimidated by strong or successful women, and I often thought that that was the case with my then mate; but then I realized that if a man is truly a man he will not be intimidated by any woman. Whether he is as successful as she is or not, if he is a real man he will be secure in who he is and who he’s not, what he has and what he doesn’t.

How may relationships have you been involved in that turned into a competition?

For every man that’s ever cheated, lied, used or abused, there was a woman who put up with his behavior.  Okay, obviously not “every” man, but you know what I mean. That extra helping of testosterone make some men trifling, manipulative and sneaky from the womb. But you have to be honest, either you have that friend or have been that friend that every few months finds herself blowing the dust off the Keyshia Cole The Way it Is album, posting Instagram quotes like, “It’s funny how the people that hurt you the most, are the ones that swore they never would” and many other suspect things of this sort.  Seriously, are we doing this again?

Part of truly moving on and finding the love and respect we deserve from both friendships and romance, is taking some time to reflect on the part we played in the situation. Like the song says, “Everybody plays the fool…sometimes.”  But if you constantly find yourself being the victim of disrespect and heartache, you have to stop wondering why your heart always ends up broken, and start questioning why you keep leaving it in reckless hands.  When it comes to playing the fool, another popular saying says, “Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice shame on me.”  We can’t keep expecting people to reform their disrespectful behavior if we don’t hold them accountable, and by “we” I mean women as a whole.  We can’t look the other way when we see another female used and abused and then look crazy when no one runs to our defense when we are treated the same way.  Below are 10 things that we allow that need to cease now:

1.  Being referred to as “jawns” and “bit**es”

You couldn’t tell me my eleventh grade boyfriend didn’t love me when he pointed me out from across the hall and told his boys I was his “young jawn.”  I don’t know if this is just a Philly term, but “jawn” is used to refer to everything from a girl to a Double Bacon cheeseburger at Wendy’s.  It’s one thing when I am teaching a class of eighth grade girls giggling at the boy with the peach fuzz above his lip talking about grabbing a “jawn” to take in the bathroom, but it’s pathetic when I see grown woman laugh at the “clown” who approaches them with an, “Excuse me miss,” and brag about being some man’s bottom b***h.  Do I have to refer you to Queen Latifah circa 1994? **Sings** UNITY, you gotta let em’ know, you ain’t a b**ch or a h*e…