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I admit I enjoy the soap opera that is Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. This series is far from a “reality” program; however there are scenes in the show that provoke thought when it comes to issues that plague men and women every day. This past Monday’s episode left me scratching my head yet again, this time wondering: Why do “baby mamas” have this false sense of entitlement?

Let me fill you in on the background. A local ATL radio personality, Traci Steele, has a son with Chris Brown’s DJ, DJ Babey Drew.  Apparently he travels a lot working, leaving little time for him to spend with his son. In order to stay local, he decides to open a sneaker store and convinces Traci to invest $25,000 into “their” business. Traci insists that she’s giving him the money for their “family” but makes it a point to say that she doesn’t want any “groupie h*es” to “benefit” from her money – whatever that means.

She decides to pop by Drew’s house unannounced in order to give him the check he’s been asking for. Well, to her surprise (not that the producer’s had anything to do with it), she finds him there with a “random” girl and goes ballistic. Even though Drew reminds Traci that they are no longer together, it seems she thought her “investment” would keep them together as a family. She goes off on him, and the poor girl who was sitting there, and storms out. As Drew follows behind her trying to understand why she’s ripping up the check, she tearfully proclaims that she never wanted to be a “baby mama,” and that he made that choice for her.

And that is where I begin scratching my head. Huh?

Let me first say this post is not to bash single mothers. I prefer to use that term rather than “baby mama,” but since Traci referred to herself as such, I’ll just go with it. There are plenty of women who never chose to be single mothers, but are holding it down nonetheless and they deserve to be respected if they’re doing it all alone.

But to say that someone made you a “baby mama” is a bit dramatic. If you are dating a man and not married to him and decide to engage in unprotected sex, there is a chance you could become pregnant. It is a woman’s choice to engage in that behavior and to deal with the consequences. Drew didn’t make her a baby mama, she chose to be one. I’m not saying that women should get abortions or give up their children for adoption so that they can’t be labeled as a “baby mama,” and I’m also not suggesting that people run out and get married in order to legitimize their children. All I’m saying is everyone has a choice when it comes to having sex and having babies. No one forces anyone to do anything.

Now Traci,  that poor girl has unresolved issues. And unfortunately she isn’t the only one.

There are many women who feel that giving birth to a man’s child entitles them to the man himself. While I understand that many of them felt that they would get married, or at the very least stay together, a woman needs to understand that her status as “mother” is very different from her status as “significant other.” Once the romantic relationship ends, a woman can’t expect her child’s father to show her the same love, affection, or consideration that he would show a new love interest. The feelings simply aren’t there anymore, and if a woman still feels that he should put her first, rather than the child, then she is delusional.

There are a lot of baby mamas out there who feel that she and the child are a package deal. She may determine that if he doesn’t want her, then he can’t see or be with the child either. It’s sad, but true. She doesn’t just want him to be a father to their child. She also wants him to be her lover, her husband, her bank…her everything, even when he isn’t obligated to be anything other than a father and provider to his child(ren). The child’s mother feels this man owes her his life, when in fact all she is entitled to is his respect, his financial support for the child if she is the custodial parent, and his commitment to co-parent.

Traci’s problem, like so many other women in her situation, is she hasn’t let go and moved on. She probably felt that baby Drew was her insurance policy to keep Big Drew around. But the fact of the matter is if he doesn’t want you, no baby is going to change that. His responsibility is to his son, not to make Traci an honest woman. He doesn’t belong to her, and he can’t be bought with $25K. Traci thought she could buy a false sense of security, therefore making him feel like he “owes” her his loyalty or that he “belongs” to her somehow. Poor girl was sadly mistaken.

Ladies, if you feel that having a man’s baby should automatically make you a priority in his life, think again. His child should be his priority, and he has the right to move on once you are broken up. Relationships can end, and breaking up is hard to do. Letting go can be even more difficult. But once it’s over, you can’t expect him to be the partner you wanted him to be as far as a romantic involvement is concerned. You won’t get the same treatment you did before the relationship ended, and you shouldn’t expect it or “guilt” him into loving you the way he once did – if he ever did. It’s a hard pill to swallow I’m sure, but it’s time to grow up, move on and let go. He should be civil and respectful to you, and be willing to work with you to be a good parent – nothing more, nothing less. He can’t live his life tip toeing around you hoping that you won’t get hurt or angry. Put your big girl panties on, gain some closure and get over him. It’s a simple choice and not one that someone has to make for you.

There are some celebrity couples that we all seem to love like Barack and Michelle and Denzel and Pauletta – and then there are those celeb couples that we universally kind of just hate. You already know this list is about the latter, so click on to find out which pairs annoy us the most!

Image Source: WENN

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

If there were an annoying couple award it would have to go to this pair right here. Kanye and Kim apart were already skating on our last nerves with their crazy gimmicks, statements and PR stunts, but together, the KimYe annoying factor is just way too much.

Source: Twitter

Everybody knows the real reason people join the cast of “Love & Hip-Hop” isn’t to launch whatever singing or rapping career they claim to have, they’re looking at dollar signs. The question is, just how much is clowning on TV and telling all your business to $3.5 million viewers every week worth? According to CelebrityNetworth.com, that answer is a pretty penny because some of these reality stars are cashing in big time from the show’s high viewership. Take a look at the estimates some of these stars reportedly earned in 2012.

WENN

Who else felt like this war of words was bound to happen at some point?

For anyone who watched Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, you know that the whole Lil Scrappy and Diamond (formerly from Crime Mob) relationship of yesteryear was a touchy subject for the rapper, seeing as how she broke his heart and allegedly left him to get money with rapper Soulja Boy. Of course, we know that Scrappy sowed his wild oats after the fact, went back to Erica Dixon, the mother of his daughter, continued to sow his oats when he thought no one was looking with “friend” Buckeey, and then finally decided to get his life together and do right by Dixon and proposed to her. As for Diamond and Soulja Boy, they have quietly been dating for a while now, and there are rumors that the two will appear on the next season of LHHATL after Diamond passed on the opportunity for the debut season. And while Scrappy was hurt about Diamond revealing her relationship with Scrappy to the world via Twitter before letting him know, things seemed to be peaceful between all parties for the most part, even when Diamond’s name was negatively brought up on the show. But that was until yesterday.

The two men basically had a heated exchange on Twitter where threats were thrown. It’s not clear how the whole mess started, but it seems that Scrappy is looking to finish it–in person. The two men went back and forth about a “war,” folks being on the down low, who has more money, and other very random things. According to The Jasmine Brand, and from what we can see from her Twitter page, Diamond definitely was sitting back, chilling and watching all the ratchetness take place (and she probably was laughing at two grown men fighting over her), even retweeting some of the quotes. Though I think it’s a shame they were exposing all her business…

Either way, these people with clearly too much time on their hands need to sit down somewhere. And seriously, I’m wondering what Erica thinks about this mess. If my fiancé was bickering with some fool over his ex publicly on Twitter, I would probably be bickering with him too at the end of the night. And can men please stop calling women a “b***h” when they reference one? Just saying, it’s so tired at this point. But anywho, check out the foolery below from their tit-for-tat, as always, read from the bottom up when it comes to Tweets, and please excuse the language:

Oh yes, LHHATL shall be a very interesting mess next season…

Source: Singersroom.com

It’s been a long time coming for Love & Hip-Hop Atlanta star and R&B singer, K. Michelle. If you’ve ever taken the time to sit and watch one episode of the show you’ve probably heard at least a snippet of the Memphis native’s story. Back in 2008, she was released from her recording contract with JIVE Records due to a series of drama filled events including the alleged mismanagement of her budget by her boyfriend and producer Memphitz to the traumatic domestic disputes between the two and abuse allegations that she made against him. As if being linked to drama of that magnitude wasn’t enough, K.Michelle had also earned quite a name for herself among industry executives for being irate, difficult to worth with as well as having a short temper. Through the filming of LHHATL, it was revealed that although the singer had the talent to sing many established singers under the table, most producers were afraid to work with her because of her reputation.

Viewers felt for her as she poured her heart out on camera multiple times sharing that the abuse is what made her snap and how down on herself she felt after losing her recording contract and the man she loved in such close proximity. Despite the circumstances, K.Michelle continued to work hard in order to make her dreams come true and  it seems that the singer’s hard work has finally paid off now that she has signed a pretty major record deal with Warner Brothers Records. She took to her Twitter page yesterday to announce the good news and express her gratitude.

Today was a very special day. Today I signed with Warner Brothers Records. I am a true testimony that God will make room for ur gifts.

So many people counted me out and wished bad upon me. Some if tried to destroy my name. I kept fighting and praying. Music is my life

She also discussed how she felt about getting a second chance with Singersroom.com

“I’m just really blessed to get a second chance. I have so much to sing about and so many stories to tell,” K. Michelle told Singersroom exclusively. “I may not be the most polished or prissy R&B singer, but I do feel that I am the voice of a lot of women who don’t have a voice.”

Don’t you just love happy endings? We’re very happy for K.Michelle and we’re praying she keeps that temper in her pocket this time!

Jazmine Denise is a writer living in New York. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

At what point do you listen to a girlfriend’s stories about her trifling man, or trifling ex man, and stop caring?

Okay, okay, let me rephrase. Maybe you’re not necessarily indifferent to the pain she’s going through, but you realize that this is the umpteenth conversation you both have had about this worthless brotha and the sympathetic feelings you used to share with her are running on “E.” This happens to many women, and it actually put a rift in the friendship between my mother and an old friend. Probably because she told her what she didn’t want to hear: the truth. My mom has a way of being blunt like that, but every now and then, I realize that we need these type of people in our lives…

My mother’s friend had been going through divorce proceedings with the man she had spent more than 20 years married to, and bore two children with. Single in her 50s, she had recently started to try her hand at dating again and got herself a new place and a new attitude. Or so my mother thought, that was until she started bringing up old ish again. During a conversation about this woman’s old life and new life, she spoke about her ex-husband, a serial cheater with girlfriends all over the place, including in other countries. Somehow, during the discussion, while she was ranting about what she had to deal with when it came to her ex, the woman for some reason felt it necessary to tell my mother she couldn’t have handled her ex, as he was some different kind of beast.

He’s not, folks. He might have been mean, but he’s just a simple fella who likes women too much.

The comment was also not cool seeing as my mother wasn’t dealing with the softest brotha in the world. My parents’ marriage, which brought about four children, and lasted through the death of one,  job loss and more, has not been a cake walk. As much as I love my daddy, I know he’s put my mother through some ish, and as much as I love my mom, I know she can be a lot to deal with from time to time. So when my mother’s friend implied that my mom wouldn’t have lasted with my mother as if she had never been through anything at all, she gave her the real: “You’re right, I wouldn’t have. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to go through all that.”

Post that conversation, they haven’t talked since.

Good intentions, but it was a bad idea to tell ‘ol girl. She took my mother’s comment as disrespect, but it was the truth. That kind of truth that’s a wake up call. After listening for years to her friend talk about the rare ups and many downs of her marriage, my mother knew exactly what her friend had went through, and she told her that after noticing it was the same ish happening repeatedly, she allowed it. He had been cheating for years, and even joked about it when my mother’s friend was around! Their kids were grown and out of the house, so there was no reason to stick around for them–she had stayed put for too much bulls**t, so she allowed a lot of the crap she dealt with to happen.

I think the saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me three times, and I’m cutting your a**.” Okay, so the last part I added on, but I’m sure you’ve heard that first bit before. It means, when something bad happens in a relationship like a man cheating on you, and you find out, it makes you very aware of the state of your relationship and the kind of person you’re dealing with. If you stick around and it keeps happening, then it might be safe to say that you’re setting yourself up for failure, and allowing yourself to deal with such a shoddy man and situation. This is why people were confused at the idea that Mimi Faust of “Love and Hip Hop ATL,” a beautiful, intelligent woman, could stick with Stevie J on and off for 15 years after his philandering ways (which she said included an array of women, and multiple baby mommas), or the same reason you get the sad face at a friend who goes back to a man who is no good and berates her and her self-esteem on the regular, or get disappointed with the homie who is happy about getting pregnant to her husband who she knows, as does everyone else, can’t keep his ding dong in his pants, ring on his finger or not. They’re all examples of people watching the sky, waiting for it to green when it’s proven that it won’t.

Love is a powerful thing, and all the paragraphs above are not to say that people don’t change, because some can. Sometimes folks can realize the pain they put their loved ones through and make things right: they stop the yelling, or the cheating, and all the blatant disrespect. But when they don’t, sometimes it’s time to stop patting your friend’s back and start shaking her. If the latter is too much (I was sort of kidding), stick to letting her know that her worth is more than what her man is treating her like and that by allowing herself to go through such pain, she’s only hurting herself. Hell, if this situation is your and not your girfriend’s, shake yourself and do better. You deserve it.

*Images courtesy of Thinkstock.com

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