All Articles Tagged "long distance dating"
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, nor does it keep track of right or wrong. Love is an action at best, and it doesn’t matter if the one you love is at a distance or within arm’s reach because love is love… It is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, meaning that when you are not in the presence of a loved one you value the person and their presence more, and you love them more and more with each passing day they are not with you. However it is also said that when you’re out of a person’s sight you’re out of their mind, meaning that if you are not in the presence of the one you love physically then you are likely to become a distant memory.
Are these statements true for long distance lovers? Does absence increase the desire to be with someone, or is it a necessity to be within your loved one’s reach whenever you desire? Based on my personal experience, I believe that both statements are true. I have had the privilege of encountering quite a few relationships from a distance where my significant others were in different states, and while I did long to be with them and miss them I will admit that it was difficult to keep them close. I recall one distant relationship where my significant other and I could not get enough of each other. We called each other constantly; sent each other surprise gifts, planned vacation visits, so on and so on. We did everything we could think of to supplement for the distance, and to keep the relationship going strong, but unfortunately it wasn’t enough to sustain a healthy relationship. So shortly after one of our vacation visits, my then boyfriend sent me a very long and dramatic e-mail ending our relationship.
I was baffled when I received this e-mail, but for some reason I wasn’t surprised. I wasn’t surprised because deep down I knew the relationship would be short lived because as individuals we struggled with the idea and the reality of a long distance relationship. We both struggled because we did not fully understand the level of commitment, trust, patience and understanding it took from both parties to maintain a relationship from a distance. We struggled with the reality of a long distance relationship because I don’t believe we were mature enough to handle the distance between us as we were both used to having our mates within reach; we did not have the willingness to commit to each other whole heartedly, nor did we have the patience.
One of my personal struggles with this particular relationship was that I was not connected enough to my then boyfriend on a meaningful level to sustain a purposeful relationship. While we had everything in common physically, we were not connected to each other spiritually and emotionally which made our visits draining for me because I chose to struggle to keep a relationship with him because he was a good man. When this relationship ended, I decided to reflect back on it to see how we could have done things differently to make the relationship work. So the first thing I did was ask myself if my mate and I took the time to become friends. We did not. The next thing I asked myself was did we mutually prepare for being involved in a long distance relationship. We did not. Another question I asked myself was, were we mentally prepared to trust each other and were we willing to commit to a long distance relationship.
I’ll say it right off the bat: I don’t believe in long distance relationships. If you live in the same city for a while, and then one person has to move away and you stay long distance until you can make new arrangements—fine. But, if you go away to another city, state or country, meet someone for just a few days, and decide to try and form a relationship around that after you get home, you might be guilty of the following: