All Articles Tagged "life lessons"

You’re An Adult But You Ain’t Grown: Things You Learn After High School

April 29th, 2015 - By Kendra Koger
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Things You Learn After High School

Image Source: Shutterstock

They say that life begins at the end of your comfort zone, and this is even more true when you graduate from high school.  Whether you go to college, join the armed forces, or get a full time job, there are things that life will teach you that you didn’t have to know in high school.

Here’s a list of these things and if you feel like you have any other information to add, let’s share this wealth of knowledge with the younger generation in the comment section.

My Love For Batman And What He Can Teach Us About Life

March 2nd, 2015 - By Kendra Koger
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My Love For Batman And What He Can Teach Us About Life


When I was a little girl, I was so enamored with anything that had to do with Batman.  I watched any and all shows and movies about him, read the comic books and ate the Batman cereal like it held the answers to all of my questions.

Even now, as I’m in the twilight of my twenties, I’m still very much a fan of anything Bruce Wayne (or Terry McGinnis, for all of my “Batman Beyond” brothers and sisters).  But after a friend and I had a conversation about why he appealed to me more than Superman, I realized how much the DC detective shaped how I see modern life.

Now, I don’t have anything against Jor-El‘s son, but… Batman is just better!  From the villains,  setting, and the mythology, Batman was just superior to me.

But it was more than just those things.  There was a tangible trait to Batman that always made him stand out for me.  I couldn’t relate to someone who was impervious  to all of the normal world’s ills, but only having one major weakness, some piece of crap mineral that very few people had access to.

Batman, on the other hand, was human.  There was an inherent danger to his life, from his parents being murdered right in front of him and him using that pain to create an alter ego that would try its best to prevent other people from feeling that pain.  The possibility for him to be murdered was real each time he put on his costume, and on top of that, he wasn’t doing it for the fame.  Bruce Wayne was the one indulging in glitz and glamour, whereas Batman hid in the shadows, helping the Gotham police, and this is what this article all boils down to…

In today’s world there seems to be more excuses and less culpability, more fame, and less talent, more over sharing and less privacy, and frankly, I’m annoyed by it.  Looking back on it, I feel like that’s the basis of my Batman fascination and why it has persisted throughout the years.

Through the filters and screens, there seems to be a population of people who are trying to prove that they are impervious to the struggles of being just regular human beings.  People are elevating themselves to a position where they are above us mere mortals, and our sad existences, while we struggle in our daily tasks.  In actuality, I feel like those are the things that make us easy to relate to, timeless and gives us strength.

Flaws shouldn’t be things that are ignored or filtered through.  Tragedy shouldn’t be something that is an excuse for poor behavior.  Though those things can feel like they have destroyed our foundation, they should be used as building blocks to become stronger, wiser, and rise above our circumstances.

There is honor in learning from mistakes, instead of constantly perpetuating them, and that’s what always stuck with me about Batman.

Plus, I bet all of the “crusading”/property damage that Superman did was probably raising the taxes of Metropolis anyway.


What Potty Training My Daughter Taught Me About Success

February 27th, 2015 - By Kendra Koger
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What Potty Training My Daughter Taught Me About Success

Source: Shutterstock

There’s an adage that says:  “Once a man, twice a child.”  I took that as an illustration that your second “childhood” happens when you’re old in age.  However, I must be going through my Benjamin Button Effect a little prematurely, because there are certain things that my daughter is currently going through that I feel like I can relate to.

My daughter and I are finally rounding the final base of potty training.  Through this, I realized that there was a correlation between the struggle of getting one to use “the pot” to getting a person to a goal that they have in life, and I’m gonna share it with you.

First:  Stop Comparing Your Journey With Others

I am an avid reader of all things “parenting,” so when I read a blog post about a mother who potty trained her 15 month old, I decided that I would do the same thing.  However, it didn’t happen, and I increasingly felt like a failure each time I put my daughter on her potty, nothing happened, and then the moment I pulled her pants up she began to pee.

The truth of the matter is, success (any type of success that you’re going for) is not going to happen at the same time that someone else’s.  It might happen before others, or after others.  The most important thing for you to do is to focus on your own path, instead of feeling discouraged by how everyone else is doing.


Second:  You’re Gonna Have a Lot of False Starts

I remember when my daughter was one, she went a week using the potty consistently, and then… she just stopped.

Success is like that.  There are times you are going to be in your zone, and you’re winning;  or you feel like you’re about to win, and then… something impedes your momentum.  Maybe you get passed over for that raise that you were working so hard for, or you didn’t get the job that you seemed destined to get.

Along with success, failure is going to be inevitable at some point.


Third:  It’s Gonna Be Extremely Messy Sometimes.

In order to get to what you want to be, or where you want to be, you’re going to have to clean up some mess in your life.  It’s going to be hard. It might seem like a foul odor to your soul, and might make you want to vomit.  However, shifting through the B.S. is something that happens.

The most important thing to do is to try to clean up your situation as best as you can, until you get to the point that you no longer need someone else to do it for you.  Gain your independence!  Wipe your own nether regions!


Fourth:  Find Happiness In the Little Successes

One thing that warmed my heart was the excitement every single time my daughter successfully used the pot.  She would begin to beam, clap and congratulate herself for doing a great job.

This led to her being more consistent with it.

This is the same thing for you.  If you don’t acknowledge those tiny successes that come your way when you’re pursing a goal or a dream, then you’ll lose your motivation to continue.  No matter how small the success is, it still means that you’re on the path you should be on.


Finally:  It’ll Come, As Long As You Don’t Give Up

If I could tell you how many times I checked my budget to think:  Forget it!  I’ll just keep on buying diapers!  What?  I can’t afford it?  CRAP!

Success, along with potty training, all comes with consistency.  It’s going to be hard, you’re going to want to quit, and you’re going to doubt yourself.  However, if this is something that you think you’re meant to do, and you’re improving each time you attempt to go forward, then it’ll eventually come.

Don’t let your hard work go down the toilet!

Kendra Koger can think of about 50 potty jokes right now; share yours @kkoger.


“I Grew Up With A Lot of Conflict And Trauma” Beyoncé Shares Life Lessons In New Video “Yours And Mine”

December 12th, 2014 - By Veronica Wells
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Beyoncé Shares Life Lessons In New Video

Source: YouTube

Beyoncé is showing us all types of facets of her personality these days. In lieu of press tours and interviews, she’s sharing more and more of herself through her actual art work. This time though she’s not singing. In celebration of the one year anniversary of her self-titled visual album, in one of her standard video diary confessional type reflections, Beyoncé talks about the lessons she’s learned, giving us a sneak peek into her perspective on the world. Her are some quotes from the 11 min video below.


I sometimes wish I could be anonymous and walk down the street like everyone else. Before I was famous, I was the girl on the hill with the guitar. I was the girl who just wanted a beautiful view of the beach. And now that I’m famous, it’s really really difficult to do really, really simple things. I think it’s the hardest thing to give up. But my mother always taught me to be strong and to never be a victim. Never make excuses. Never expect anyone else to provide for me, things I know I can provide for myself. I have dreams and I feel like I have a power to actually make those dreams actually become a reality.

When you’re famous no one looks at you as a human anymore. You become the property of the public. There’s nothing real about it. You can’t put your finger on who I am. I can’t put my finger on who I am.

Growing up 

I grew up with a lot of conflict and traumas and I’ve been through a lot, just like everyone else. My escape was always music and I’m so lucky that that’s my job.

I was brought up seeing my mother try to please and make everyone comfortable. And always felt like it was my job to fix the problem…people pleaser. But I’m no longer afraid of conflict. And I don’t think conflict is a bad thing cuz I know that when you grow up, when you learn a few things you’re no longer afraid of letting go. You’re no longer afraid of the unknown.

If I hadn’t gone through some of the painful experiences in my life, I would not be me.


But if I accomplished all of these things and had no one to share with, it would be worth nothing. You know, you need something real in order for any of this stuff to matter. You have to have something that is forever, something that’s invisible.


People feel like they lose something when they get married. But it doesn’t have to be that way. There’s nothing more exciting than having a witness to your life. 

Her body 

I feel like my body is borrowed and this life is very temporary. 

I watched my friend’s body deteriorate. And to watch someone pass on so gracefully put everything into perspective. We do not value ourselves enough. Especially young people don’t appreciate how brilliant our bodies are. I’ve always been very very specific and very choosey…very choosey about what I do with my body and who I want to share that with.


I always consider myself a feminist although I was always afraid of that word because people put so much on it. When honestly it’s very simple, it’s just a person that believes in equality for men and women. Men and women balance each other out and we have to get to a point where we are comfortable with appreciating each other.

I have a lot of empathy for men and the pressures that they go through and the cultures that have been created, especially for African American men. I have the same empathy for women and the pressures we go through. A woman has to provide so many things for their children. I consider myself a humanist. 

And her final thought: 

One thing that’s for sure, the love I have for music, for my husband, for my child is something that will last far beyond my life.

She also speaks about depending on other people, happiness and other life observations in the video below. Take a look below and let us know what you think

10 Lessons We Learned In Junior High…And Then Again Later In Life

October 21st, 2014 - By Veronica Wells
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Before I was a writer by profession, I was a writer by choice. My mother bought me a diary at seven years old and I still keep one today. Reading my old diaries is fas-cin-a-ting. But the stuff didn’t really start getting juicy (and hilarious and embarrassing) until around middle school. Reading my 7th grade diary today, it was clear that I was learning some very crucial life lessons. Very crucial. And while I thought I’d mastered them in middle school, life has a way of retesting you. Here are the lessons I (and most of us) learned in middle school and learned again in our twenties…or later.

We Bring Maternal Instincts To Our Romances : Claudette Ortiz On Why Women Stay In Bad Relationships

July 30th, 2014 - By Veronica Wells
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Source: WENN

Source: WENN

R&B Diva and former City High singer Claudette Ortiz has had her fair share of relationship struggles. From the men she dated in her music group, to the sexual assault she detailed on the Divalogues and the domestic violence she’s endured, it’s clear that she’s seen quite a bit and hopefully learned from it. During the weekend of the Espys, The Jasmine Brand asked Ortiz what was the most valuable lesson she’s learned from her relationships and she had some interesting thoughts on why women tend to stay in relationships long after they know they won’t work out. See what she had to say below.

The Jasmine Brand : What was the most important thing you’ve learned from your relationships?

Claudette: Taking your time and knowing your worth.


TJB: How long did it take you to know your worth and keeping relearning your worth?

Claudette: It was a long journey. It took some time. I didn’t have a daddy to tell me he loved me and that I’m beautiful, and a lot of young women don’t have that and we’ll tend to not know our worth and think that a man has to tell us [those things], to know our worth, so it took some time, but thank the Lord.


TJB: When does a woman know it’s time to leave a relationship? 

Claudette: A woman knows when its time, its just when she chooses to leave.


TJB: So you think most women know before they actually have the courage and strength to do it?

Claudette: Yeah, and we see signs too. We see signs before it happens, but we think we can change somebody sometimes. I believe that because we’re made to birth children, we’re also made to see the potential in people, because we’re made to see that potential in our children, and cultivate it so we can raise them to be the best human beings they can be. Sometimes we see the potential in a man and think we can cultivate it, when maybe its for the next person [to cultivate].


I found that so interesting. I’ve heard countless discussion about women dating men with potential but rarely heard anyone try to theorize on why that might be the case. Claudette’s theory about our maternal instincts seeping into our romantic interactions doesn’t seem too far fetched to me. What do you all think, is trying to cultivate a man–similar to the ways in which we cultivate children– one of  the reasons why women continue to date and stay with men they shouldn’t?

Have you ever found yourself staying in a relationship because you were waiting for a man to realize his potential or you felt like you were the one who could bring it out of him?


10 Gems Of Wisdom From Dr. Maya Angelou

May 28th, 2014 - By Veronica Wells
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Source: Getty

Source: Getty

It’d be virtually impossible to measure the scope and depth of influence her work has left on the people she’s touched, but as we mourn the passing of Dr. Maya Angelou today we also want to celebrate her legacy. Here are  just some of gems she’s dropped on us over the past 86 years.

13 Life Lessons We Learned From “Martin”

March 31st, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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Martin show promo


From BlackVoices 

Sometimes what you see on the screen is real life.

Sure we watched “Martin” because it was funny and honest, but we also watched it — and still watch it — because behind all the how-to jokes of throwing shade and spitting game were lessons of love, lust, friendship, loyalty, and how to pick yourself up and dust yourself off with a smile on your face.

So thank you to Martin and the gang. Life is a tricky game, but five fun-filled seasons of this quintessential 90’s sitcom taught us how to play it, and play it well.

1. MLK Day is a holiday… end of story.

Check out the other 12 life lessons from “Martin” on 

“I Have a Dream:” Life & Business Lessons From Dr. Martin Luther King

January 15th, 2014 - By Tanvier Peart
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Martin-Luther-King-JrDr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was a man whose legacy continues to inspire so many to dream big and create change. As today marks his birthday, there are so many teachings we could all take time to think about in order to better our situation as well as the lives of others. Here are some life and business lessons from Dr. King inspired by some of his most memorable quotes. What’s your dream?

9 Things A Toddler Can Teach You

October 16th, 2013 - By Kendra Koger
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Now, I don’t know if I agree with Jaden Smith’s theory that babies are the smartest people on the planet, but I do think that there’s something about a toddler’s innocence and willingness to learn that is commendable and something that should be noted.  As a mother I spend a lot of time watching my daughter and while I’m teaching her the rules of life, she’s teaching me as well.  Because I care about you, readers (yes, even you) I wanted to share: