All Articles Tagged "lack of trust"
A little dose of jealousy can be healthy; it means that you’re invested in the relationship, that you’re very attracted to your partner, and that you give a damn what happens to the two of you. Your partner shouldn’t be totally cool with you sharing a bed with one of your male friends–he should raise an eyebrow if not say, “Nope.” If he couldn’t care less about that, he might just not care about the relationship at all.
And you should feel a little blood boiling when your partner gets late-night drinks with a female coworker who you know has a thing for him. That means that you care. But, jealousy can go too far. There is a difference between being concerned and being possessive (and in handcuffs because you stalked his female friend.) So, when it comes to being jealous, where is the line between healthy and unhealthy jealousy?
An idle mind is the devil’s playground. While this can be applied to most of life’s situations, it’s very applicable when it comes to relationships. And I do believe an idle mind is also a discreet relationship killer. A woman or man with too much time on his or her hands is like getting with someone knowing it’s going to fail because that person is always going to be looking for trouble. Sound too harsh? Probably because I know firsthand from my own ‘need-to-get-some-business’ experiences and also being with men who needed to pick up a hobby or two themselves, that having too much time on your hands is never good.
While most of my recent relationships have gone pretty well, this hasn’t always been the case. Especially when I found myself with too much time on my hands. I’m usually a busy person with way too many things on my plate; but at one time I decided to clear this full agenda and focus a bit more on my social life. This was all great, until I got bored.
My mind was accustomed to being occupied. I was the girl who even had to pencil in fun time into my schedule; but after decreasing my many responsibilities, I found myself with more fun time than I actually needed, and it proved to be everything but fun.
The social part was okay, but when the relationship I found myself in after dating for a while manifested into a more serious situation, the guy became my central focus. Yes, I hate to admit it, but at one time I neglected my goals and put most of my energy into a man. It happens to the best of us.
Well, during my idle time, I wanted to spend it with him, and if he was unavailable, my poor idle mind conjured up scandalous reasons why he wasn’t around. Usually those reasons were presented to him through long text messages or back-to-back phone calls. Sounds crazy, I know; but alas, this is what an idle mind can do to you.
Eventually, the both of us realized that my constant allegations were unhealthy. He came to the conclusion that I had become annoying and actually I concluded the same thing. So I vowed from that situation gone sour and on forward that I would always keep busy with my life, in spite of a relationship.
It’s easier said than done when you think you’re head over heels for someone, but honestly, you have to have your own life before inviting someone else in. And the tricky part is actually keeping your own life in the midst of a relationship. When you’re bored, instead of wanting to spend time with your mate when he’s clearly busy, find a hobby, spend time with your own friends, or better yet, spend time enjoying your own company.
A man likes when you have your own life outside of him. And usually if he doesn’t, there’s a problem. Life is all about balance, and if you focus too much energy on one thing for too long, in the professional realm, you may be a success (and possibly lonely); but when it comes to relationships, most times you will always lose by not having your own life. Simply put, don’t allow idle time to ruin a relationship. Always get some business, outside of your man.
Tags:lack of trust
Though you may not want to admit it, at some point in time you have Google’d a date’s name, gone through your boyfriend’s clothes drawer, or taken a quick look through his Facebook messages when he accidentally left himself signed in on your computer. To most people, this is definitely considered snooping. The act alone stands as one of the most controversial in the dating world. But, in the end, no matter if you find it right or wrong, if you’re going to snoop, there are some definite do’s and dont’s.
Even in the best of relationships, you may find that your inner mean girl comes out to play; you know the one who’s full of doubt, jealousy, and negativity. But, this inner girl can easily sabotage your relationship and before you know it, the whole thing can be done and over with. If you fear that you may self-sabotage your relationship, here are 15 ways to avoid doing just that.
Let your inner fears out
We all have fears, even when we are in stable and healthy relationships. As women, we have certain feelings that we often suppress, but eventually they come to the surface. Instead of avoiding these fears, voice them, write them down, or talk about them with your man. Are you afraid of having your heart broken? Do you think you aren’t lovable enough? Let it out; you’ll feel better.