All Articles Tagged "kiss and tell"
Let’s talk about sex.
The men are always doing it: speaking on the performance of their past sexual partners, trading kinky tricks of the trade, putting compromising photos out there, dissing their exes–and it’s all done in public. I’ve never been one to kiss and tell, but it appears that it’s not a big deal for a lot of men, specifically, the men of hip-hop. With repeat offender Bow Wow casually dishing on the skills of all the famous women he has been with and Fredro Starr of ‘90s group Onyx ready to box with Charlamagne Tha God over comments the rapper made in the past about Brandy’s fellatio skills – men in music have always been more vocal about their past sexcapades.
But women aren’t necessarily innocent either. Karinne Steffans anyone? And yes, there is Love and Hip Hop, Basketball Wives, Hollywood Exes and Atlanta Exes. These shows are built solely on women trying to create lives outside of their ex-husbands and boyfriends while spilling tea about them here and there, but those women are hit with labels like “bitter,” “ratchet” or “industry h*e” when they open their mouths. Men, however, are championed for the same tired bars spit on wax and dirt revealed in interviews, and it’s time to give it up.
But the frat house mentality doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, no matter how many times you tell folks that it’s inappropriate:
When discussing who gives the best fellatio between Ciara and Angela Simmons while on “Wild N Out,” Bow Wow (who would rather be referred to as Shad Moss) had this to say: “Well, at one time they both was my women correct? So if you put one and one together I mean, of course we must have been doing the do if they was my women, correct? Well, then I might as well go ‘head and keep it even, they both is mighty, mighty, mighty swell.”
Nick cannon chided Mr. Moss on that show, saying he would have “pleaded the fifth,” but then again, he isn’t necessarily the poster child for keeping personal business private. If it wasn’t for Mariah Carey telling him to pipe down about their business and who he used to roll around with in the sack, he probably would’ve been just like the thirsty fans in the crowd during that show dying to know more.
Look, there is no reason why we should know who you’ve shared a bed or traded spit with and whether or not they lived up to your expectations. It doesn’t help 50 Cent’s career if we know that his sexual experience with talk show host Chelsea Handler was similar to wrestling with a gator. Is it funny? Maybe. But in the grand scheme of things, does it help him sell records? Absolutely not. It’s all just putting someone else on blast, a person who trusted you not to run to the streets telling their business.
We didn’t need to know that Erykah Badu’s “box” had Common whipped (especially since that rumor was going around for years…), or that Eminem had sexual relations with Mariah (something she denies). These inappropriate comments by men way over 18 are immature and they seem like a way to gain publicity rather than harmless jokes at exes who have long forgotten about them.
What makes matters worse is that many of these stars are fathers (or father figures) to little girls who cannot be shielded by their daddy’s raunchy commentary. These same men probably wouldn’t want their own child’s personal business and sexual encounters put out there for laughs and attention.
Kissing and telling is so junior high school. Can we all just…grow up?
One common bit of advice given to those who are in relationships is “keep your business to yourself.” I tend to totally agree with this advice since in most cases your family and friends will always pick a side: YOUR side. Once you tell them something, your partner will be forever hated on because they don’t want to see you hurt. It would seem only natural for your friends and family to be biased and have your back, but sometimes your good friends and family can also be your truth tellers and help you to see things clearly when you’re a blind fool in love. If you’re experiencing some doubt or have some serious questions you can’t seem to sort out on your own when it comes to your man, here are the pros and cons of discussing your relationship issues with your friends or family.
I’ve never really been one to kiss and tell. What happens in my personal life, especially my sex life, usually remains a mystery to those around me. Now, don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean that ALL sex talk amongst friends is off limits, and if we’re talking generally about sex – likes, dislikes, favorite positions, etc. – then all is fair game. But when it comes to serious relationships, I don’t give my girls detailed accounts of what goes down behind closed doors. That’s just for me and my man to know, and for them to wonder about…if they’re so inclined.
I used to think that sexual gossip was something that mostly men engaged in. After all, while women are asking questions to their girls like: “Is he a nice guy?” “Does he treat you well?” “Is he cute?,” men are asking “What’s the head game like?” “Does she have a fat a$$?” “Did you hit last night?” But what I’ve found out through the years is that women are just as much, if not more so, sexual gossipers than our male counterparts. What I considered to be “locker room” behavior can now be heard in beauty salons, at work, and even on social media. It’s one thing to share a few tidbits here and there with your girls, and another to put your sex life on blast on Facebook. I think you CAN go just a bit too far.
I don’t consider myself a prude by any means, but I do believe that there are some things that we all don’t need to know. How your man twisted your back out and the intimate details of that encounter might be fun to giggle about the next day, but not EVERY day. You have to know your audience…and your partner. While your girls may love hearing about your wild night swinging from the chandeliers, your partner may not want you exposing his sex life as well without his permission. And if your man couldn’t care less about you sharing the details of your sex life, your friends may think it’s a bit awkward and offensive to have to listen to your stories of sexual exploits day in and day out. Not everyone cares, and they may find your “bragging” to be annoying. And if you’re not too careful, you may find that you have a “friend” who is just a bit TOO interested in how skilled your lover is and may try to find out for herself. The last thing I would want is for my girls to be lusting after my husband after I shared one too many details.
Like I said, I don’t make it habit of providing the details of my sex life to my friends, but do any of you find anything wrong with it? I’m not talking about that random guy you hooked up with where the sex was bad and you never plan to see him again – you know…the ones you give nicknames to: “The Two Minute Brother” or “Jack Rabbit.” I’m talking about that guy you’re dating who has long-term relationship potential who you actually have real feelings for. In my circle, we don’t pry and we don’t over-share. If our girl has a super-skilled lover, is getting broken off lovely and is happy, then we’re happy for her. Simple as that – no need for details. But what about you? Are all sexual details of your relationships, casual or not, fair game – or do you have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy? Now I’m not saying a lady never tells, but either way, a lady should always keep it classy.
I can’t exactly place my finger on why, but when I first heard that R. Kelly was K.Michelle’s musical mentor, an alarm went off in my mind. It just seemed like something very messy could come out of that situation. Now here we are, months later, reporting on the mess.
During a recent interview with 94.5′s the Morning Grind Show, R.Kelly made some comments that seemed to imply that his relationship with the Love & Hip Hop reality star was more sexual than professional. It all began when the show’s hosts informed him that she wanted to play her album for him personally.
“Personally? Okay, alright, okay. We’ve sat and had sessions and listen to uh, uh,uh, uh, music and drinks. And we had a lot of fun like backstage, after my show and things like that,” he said.
Now, of course, his response seemed a bit suspicious, so one of the show’s hosts then proceeded to probe and inquire about what kind of fun they’d been having.
“Well um, listening to music and me giving her some lectures on what she can do to be better. When I tell her to do something, she do it,” he answered.
His response seemed to only fuel previous rumors that he and K were more than friends and when he was asked about the rumors, he seemed to confirm them in his own weird, trapped-in-the-closet sort of way.
“What? Well, you know I um, well, we did have a couple of drinks and after the show, the ‘Single Ladies’ tour and she did say she was single at some point and them I got drunk and I don’t know. I don’t know. I woke up and they said I had a good time. I had to trust it.”
We’re guessing this didn’t go over well with K.Michelle. Since the interview, the pied piper took to his Twitter page to offer a public apology to the “V.S.O.P.” singer. According to Kelz, his words had been twisted around by the morning show hosts.
Oh Robert, look at this mess you’ve made!
Check out the clip of R. Kelly discussing K.Michelle on the next page. Do you think his words were misinterpreted or does it seem like he knew exactly what he was doing?
Homophobia And Masculinity: The Real Problem With Russell “Hollywood” Simpson Allegedly “Outing” NFL Star Kerry Rhodes
Russell “Hollywood” Simpson speaks to Bossip about his alleged relationship with NFL free agent Kerry Rhodes:
“Kerry paid for everything. We had a very good life together. I always got any and everything I ever asked for. Vacations, red bottoms, the private jet in my video was us going to training camp together. I had a driver and he even gave me his Aston Martin. He later bought me my own car and because I’m not a dumb bi**h I made sure to get it my own name and he paid the whole thing off! He treated me very well. I will never talk bad about him in that way because he was really good to me.
And yet you put him on blast.
Listen, I am always down for the shenanigans. But I also know that if this was a woman doing this, her name would probably be all sorts of synonymous with the term, “bitter jump-off” right now. And I’m not saying that he is. Actually, I’m not saying anything because I don’t know for sure who is or who is not telling the truth. Right now, it is Simpson’s word against Rhodes’s word – as well as some very suspicious pictures. We can infer all we want, but with this week in the media, with supposed reputable news sources getting their facts completely wrong, it has taught us that it’s best not to draw conclusions too quick.
Not that what these two consenting adults do is any of our business anyway, which is why I am happy to read some of the pushback to this sort of sexual outing. To me, it amounts to bullying. And I know certainly this would be the attitude if Simpson had been born with female chromosomes. If Simpson was a woman, we would be questioning where his self-respect and self-esteem had gone for daring to be so tacky as to go public with their intimate details. We would be calling girl Simpson a bird and accusing her of breaking all sorts of side-jawn codes. We would be testifying about how these cluck-clucks “do the most” and pondering about what he hoped to gain from exposing such a relationship. Money? Fame?
If Simpson was a woman, we most certainly would we imploring her to take responsibility for the role she played in this situation and verbally flogging her for the part she was playing in trying to ruin this man’s reputation. And then a friend on Facebook shared this link from Funky Dineva with me and I began to think about the nuances of the If-Simpson-were-a-woman comparison more fluidly:
“There are also certain segments of the gay community who are using this story to promote their anti-feminine ignorance. Sites like Discreet City have been exploiting the story to further their own agenda. The Twitter account for the site sent out a tweet implying that Kerry Rhodes is in this situation because of feminine gay men, and that the actions of feminine gay men like Kerry’s alleged ex-boyfriend are why masculine gay men don’t like to mess with feminine gay men. It amazes me that people will use any situation as an excuse to scapegoat a group of people. Instead of looking at the ways that homophobia prevents all gay men from being viewed in a nuanced light, sites like Discreet City promote the ignorant view that the problems of gay men are rooted in the fact that some men are feminine. It’s as if the site thinks that homophobia would cease to exist if only all gay men were masculine–never mind that a significant chunk of homophobia rests on a overall hatred of men being with other men.”
Simpson gets a pass because what he says is not only scandalous but it also helps to stoke already existing paranoia around gay men, particularly gay black men. However, he does not get a pass from being on the outskirts of what is considered normal and acceptable masculinity. And in a lot of ways, his limp wrist, shrill voice and hip switching while walking are more uncomfortable and threatening than his actual loose lips. And why is this? Probably for the same reasons some call these men, “pu**ies” or “mitches” as a way to demean them.
Of course, the inference here is that anything associated with femininity and womanhood should be considered as weak, inferior, or less than manhood. And over the years I have learned that regardless of sexual orientation, there is nothing more important among men than maintaining “manhood” – or at least the perceived characteristics of what manhood is supposed to mean. It’s probably the reason why AP.9, the unknown rapper whose claim to fame was outing Ice-T’s wife Coco, can still maintain his “dignity,” despite his gossiping. And it is probably part of the reason why Rhodes doesn’t want to come out the closet – allegedly.
Yet and still, I am tired of the kiss and tell genre of gossip. Everybody is trying to be the next Karrine Steffans, but they come up looking just starved for attention. I don’t know enough about Simpson to make that determination, but anyone clamoring to get on reality television has to be looked at in a fishy manner. And unless Rhodes was some sort of right-wing, anti-everything nutjob preaching hate and intolerance while living this secret lifestyle, I don’t really see the relevancy in discussing who he is sleeping with. Honestly, if not for his connection to the NFL – and the homophobic connotation that is associated with the league – most folks wouldn’t care anything about who Rhodes was screwing. Most of you are probably even saying, “Who??” Plus, sexual snitching is just the worst, just think about Ray J.
Listen, I understand his feelings are probably hurt. Nobody – woman or man – likes to be viewed as a secret lover. I can imagine how it must feel to hold hands behind closed doors and once someone comes along, be shoved into the proverbial bushes – not that this has ever happened to me, but I do understand the feeling. With that said, did he not seem perfectly fine and cool with being shoved into the proverbial bushes prior to this very public outing? Maybe he had his money cut off. If you were conscious enough to accept that position before when he was tricking you off with red bottoms and car notes, you can’t quite claim victimhood now that you two are – allegedly – no longer together.
My boyfriend recently told me that guys brag about their girlfriends to their boys. This was no surprising revelation to me, especially since I know men can be just as gossipy, if not more so, than women. He didn’t exactly crack the DaVinci Code. But I got to wondering if guys gloat about the same things women do. You know how your girls are when they first meet a guy they’re head over heels for: They talk about how good looking he is, or ask him to run you and your girls around so they can see what kind of car he drives. You know, the silly superficial stuff.
But once you’re past the honeymoon stage and your friends see that he’s still there after a few months, now they’re curious as to what makes him so great that you actually keep him around. Looks, a job, his car, his money – these are all things that may attract us, but not things that make a great person. Bragging about a man’s looks or how much money he makes will only make your friends think you’re shallow – and you probably are. But if you really want your girls to give you props – because after all, why else would you be obnoxiously boasting – then make sure your man has these brag-worthy traits before you go running your mouth trying to make everyone jealous and crazy in the process.