All Articles Tagged "just friends"
There’s this myth going around that women cannot get along with one another. Well it’s not entirely true. Yet, there are still a handful of women who’d prefer to hang out with men than women. We posed a question to our Facebook followers and some of those people made themselves known. See what they had to say.
Khadiji: Just watched all the females burn each other and I said all guy friends from there lol. I have one female friend who is acting right. But I do prefer guy friends
Honey: I can be friends with anyone. I am extra cautious of women who don’t have ANY female friends because they are too messy. Humph, like recognizes like!
Eriline: Male .. There is always some kind of drama with Females.. Often jealousy..
Ebonie: I would definitely rather have guy friends. Females are catty by nature friend or not.
Arielle: Yeah we’ll ill love to have female friends if their mature and have similar goals. Usually guys always want sex with me.
Cherilyn: Female friends can be jealous and backstabbing but now even men can be worse than women…You have to try to keep a positive circle…male or female!!
Tess: Oh my! Male friends all day! Females are competitive, messy, and don’t often have your back…as they claim.
I have maybe 3 good female friends, and that’s about it. I don’t like the ‘look at me’ drama.
Marilyn: I prefer guy friends because I’m a tomboy and not into girly stuff
Tami: I don’t mind female friends, but I definitely prefer male bosses. Women can’t stand competition. You would think we would all stick together, but that is exactly why there are rarely women as a majority in management. We sabotage ourselves.
LaRhonda: Men are less judgmental
Deidra: In my early 20′s I was all excited about my friendships with men because I was fascinated and really just wanted to learn all I could from their point of view. Until then, I’d never been able to speak or behave freely w/ the opposite sex. Someone should have warned me that men in their 20′s don’t really want to be my friend, and can offer no valuable insight on how to carry a mature relationship. LOL.
Brandi: I prefer males friends because they are less emotional and don’t judge. Females have a lot of insecurities (me included), but I always have a better time hanging with men, plus I get to learn how and why they think and act the way they do. And females are nosey as hell! They think they are entitled to know ALL your business. But men don’t understand things the way women do so you need your girlfriends some times. Good friends are hard to find.
“She is really beautiful, although I’m not sure she’s my type. But I think she is perfect for me. We have the same interests, the same values, we go to the same church and we both want children. My friends who meet her think she’s dynamite.”
“But … ?” I could hear hesitation in his voice during our phone counseling session.
“I don’t know. There doesn’t seem to be a spark and I don’t miss her when I’m not with her. In fact, I rarely think about her when I’m not with her. And our conversation doesn’t seem to flow easily. We run out of things to talk about. Maybe the spark will grow. Does that ever happen?”
“Why not spend a little more time with her and see how you feel?”
It became apparent within a few months that the spark was not going to grow and the conversation was not going to flow. James still did not look forward to seeing Cindy.
“James, it doesn’t seem that this relationship is going to become what you want it to be. Perhaps it’s time to move on.”
But James was afraid of ending up alone, afraid he would not meet anyone as sweet as Cindy. He ended up staying in the relationship with her for two years before finding the courage to leave.
Read more at YourTango
I was having an interesting conversation with some friends on whether women truly put their close male friends in the “friend zone.” For anyone who doesn’t know what the “friend zone” is, according to the always hilarious Urban Dictionary, it’s the following:
“What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, “You’re such a good friend”. Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another. Verb tense is “Friend-ed”.”
Ironically, most of the other definitions on Urban Dictionary paint this similar picture: that men are the sole victims to being looked at as just friends by the women they care for, but who don’t happen to feel the same way back. Or what I would call victims of unrequited love.
The way some people perceive the “friend zone” bothers me because it’s usually only implied to men. Most movies and TV shows present men who feel they are victimized in some way because they didn’t get to that next level with their romantic interest and because she didn’t share his feelings. Just because you buy a woman dinner, or take her out on a date, or spend time with her doesn’t mean she’s automatically required to either sleep with you or become your significant other and immediately feel the way you do.
I’m not saying that there aren’t people out there who take advantage of men’s kindness, because that would be a lie. We can all probably find a time where we’ve accidentally or purposefully played with someone’s emotions, but to think that it’s only women who do this to men? That’s my problem with the perception of it all.
I’ve been friend zoned plenty of times. I’m either too cute or too sweet to the guys I’ve found myself interest in, and I’m always someone’s “kid sister” or “one of the guys.” Guys have given me some indication that they were interested in me, but then after they get what they wanted, be it physical, emotional–whatever–they have pulled the “You’re great and all, but we just don’t have that spark. We should just be friends.” There have been guys who I’ve liked, but their only interest in me was to be friends and they never tried to lead me on and “play” like me in a romantic sense. As much as it might happen to men, it definitely is something that women go through just as much, and it might even be worse. Whether the man in the picture gets what he wants from you (be it companionship, someone to vent to, etc) but says he “doesn’t look at you that way” or not, being thrown in the friend zone isn’t something exclusive to one sex, despite popular opinion that paints women as heartless maneaters.
What am I supposed to do if someone doesn’t like me? Make them like me? Uh, no thanks. And it’s funny, because if a woman does it she’s a crazy psycho, but if a man does it, he’s a hopeless romantic. Thank you romantic comedies such as, 500 Days of Summer and Just Friends, for proving this point.
Rejection isn’t easy for anyone, but at the end of the day if someone genuinely doesn’t like you and was honest about it, what can you do? If people had more open and honest surroundings, it would create for stronger relationships and friendships. So while Urban Dictionary and others might like to play like women always rarely know what they want, use men and then play them because they’re “too nice” and would be better used as friends, men get down the same way…
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Monika: Damon: I have a friend and we’ve been friends for a little over seven years; I’m kinds interested in him & I think we’d be good together but there is something keeping me from giving anything and its communication. Ill text or call and don’t hear back until days later and he’ll say he was busy with work. Does this mean he isn’t interested or is my gut right for having me a little upset? It only takes a few seconds to say hello. Right?
D.Y.: If this was a guy you’d recently met and you were interested in him (and he knew you were interested), I’d agree that him taking a while to get back to you is a sure sign that he’s just not that into you. Sure, we (men) can get busy, but no man on Earth is too busy to say hey to a woman he’s feeling. Your situation, though, is different. Sounds like you’re just friends, and you’ve been friends for a long time. Right now he probably treats your texts the same way I treat texts from friends; if it’s urgent or interesting I’ll respond right away. If not, you’ll probably get one of those “Damn…I’m just now seeing this text. My bad” replies two days later.
Monika: Okay so with that being said, should I say anything to him about it or just let it slide assuming it wont change? To be honest I’m too old (not really, I’m 34 but you get it) to go round and round. I mean should I even say how I feel? My gut is telling MD no until he gets right with the communication. We’ve been in each other’s lives this long he should kinda know what annoys me because I’ve fussed before about other folks. Lol
D.Y.: I mean, if he’s been this way as long as you’ve known him, and you’re still good friends, what incentive does he have to change?
You know how it goes: Girl meets Boy, who appears to have all the qualities in a potential mate. Girl and Boy calls, text and hang out to get to know one another. Girl likes boy and girl thinks Boy likes her too. However, after a few months of great conversation and casual flirtation, Girl is wondering why Boy hasn’t advanced the relationship any further. So Girl puts on her woman pants and ask Boy if this attraction is mutual. Boy, flattered (so he says) tells Girl that while he thinks she is cute and great, he is just not emotionally ready for a serious relationship. Instead, Boy just wants to be friends with said Girl.
Ahhhh yes, the dreaded “friends” zone. A horrible phrase used, in most cases, to cover a wide range of meanings and offer just as much confusion. See, this is my bad. I have been here before -more times than I care to have been or even admit. I should have learned by now to never become emotionally exclusive with a dude before he fully commits. But I got the lesson now and hopefully, I won’t be bound to repeat it again.
But what do I do now that I have put all this energy into building this great rapport with this guy, who despite his lack of interest in a relationship is not a bad dude? I mean, we have lots in common and get along great. Perhaps by being his friend, he’ll one day come around and change the way he looks at our situation, right? Wrong.
I know that somewhere deep down inside of us, we think that if we stick long enough with a decent guy, who says that he is not ready for a relationship, and provide for him the compassion, understanding and in some cases, physical affection he needs, he will turn around and profess his love. Just like in the movies. But real life is not a fairytale script starring Sanaa Lathan and Taye Diggs. And one of the lessons I was taught many, many bad “friendships” ago was that once he has defined his relationship with you, no amount of nursing would change that.
So you’ve met him. He’s charming, funny, smart excellent. The only problem is you’re not attracted to him. He doesn’t do it for you. You’ve tried to look past the lack of attraction but it’s not working. If you need to let him down, make sure you do it the right way so you don’t burn any bridges and could possibly keep a friend.
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