All Articles Tagged "jokes"
Stand up comedian turned actor Eddie Murphy has been making us laugh for over 35 years. He has starred in almost 40 movies, including three stand-up comedy specials, and today the New York native celebrates his 52nd year on this earth. In honor of his special day, here are 15 hilarious lines from the funnyman over the years.
In his debut as the romantic lead in the 1992 hit Boomerang, Murphy played the dashing womanizing Marcus Graham. In one memorable scene, Graham talks to his boys, played by Martin Lawrence and David Alan Grier, about his ultimate turn off: a beautiful woman with messed up feet.
“She was beautiful but her feet were jacked up. I pulled the covers back and it was hammer time I should’ve known something was up I saw the little bumps on the top of her shoes when I met her but I thought maybe it was an old shoe or something but you would never, ever think a woman that fine would have hammer time in her shoes.”
She maybe a now legendary supermodel but that has never, EVER stopped anyone from talking about Trya’s huge forehead.
Well, ABC is now ready to give Tyra and her forehead some shine. They’ve accepted a scripted comedy co-created by Tyra and Kenya Barris called Fivehead (the “street” name for an unusually big forehead). The show will be based on all the jokes and her life growing up as a teenager with a…fivehead. She said, “In high school, if you have glasses, you’re a ‘four eyes’, if you have braces, you’re a ‘metal mouth’ but if you had my forehead? You’re a FIVEHEAD.” Well, I can’t say that she’s wrong in that assessment. From the description, it seems as though it will sort of follow the direction of Everybody Hates Chris.
Barris and Banks will create the characters together and then Barris will write the script. Barris has worked with Tyra on many projects, including America’s Next Top Model. They’ve also been friends since since they were kids and went to school together so its only right he play a huge part in the creation of the show.
I’m so not mad at Tyra for this! When you see an opening or a lane, you have to go for what you know. But ABC is notorious for canceling shows if they don’t do big numbers the first week so I hope it’ll be good.
More on Madame Noire!
- Where Are They Now? The Real Hollywood Exes (And Mistresses) Of Music’s Biggest Players
- True Life: I Had To Learn The Hard Way
- Self-Pity? No Thanks: Why I Love The Chocolate Skin I’m In
- Well That’s…Interesting: Mimi Is Writing A Book On Warning Signs Of Dating Men In The Industry
- Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Why Falling In Love Is A Choice (And Why I Hate Romantic Comedies)
- Fall Into Your Feelings: How Autumn Will Affect Your Love Life
- Well, You Don’t Say: 9 Celebrities, Ballers, Authors And Vixens You Might Not Have Known Were Virgin Islanders
Scenes from popular movies, lyrics from acclaimed songs, quips from notable comedians and clips from loved television shows are all guilty of attempting to slap a smile on the face of rape culture, simultaneously slapping every survivor in the face by perpetuating the idea that there is something funny about the sexual violation and degradation of any man, woman or child.
Unique in its horror, rape like no other crime violates on several fundamental levels. Aside from being physical burglary, it’s an act of power which destroys self-respect, self-esteem, sexual well-being and feelings of security; simultaneously producing triggers, feelings of shame and socialized guilt. To quote criminologist and educator, Freda Adler, “Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused.”
So, in a world where victims are blamed, sexual assaults occur every two minutes (U.S.) and 1 out of every 6 women has been the victim of rape/attempted rape in her lifetime, it has to be understandable that one doesn’t buckle over in laughter when comedians like Daniel Tosh make jokes about women getting gang-raped in a public setting, or movies like Hit & Run employing prison rape jokes (which also manages to touch on racial stereotypes) doesn’t invoke the desire to give a standing ovation. And the same can be said about music such as Notorious BIG’s “Dead Wrong,” which has two vivid lines regarding sexual violence; and the heavy metal band, The Mentors, who coined the phrase and genre, “rape rock.” This free speech mentality (differing greatly from creative license) that entertainers/media officials have exercised for decades has been used to systematically incapacitate minorities and women.
The idea that rape is somehow hilarious, to those telling the joke and those laughing, is rooted in the presumption that it won’t happen to them, which is especially true of men. These people with these jokes or lyrics have never had a firsthand account of sexual assault, and they have no idea the trauma that kind of violence can incur. For many women, though, rape is a reality. Women are raised with the realization of rape, told to avoid alleyways and dark paths, and ensured that if they were to dress a certain way or behave a certain way, then they won’t ever fall victim to rape. But this attitude not only disarms women, and lures them into a sense of false security, it also reinforces victim blame. This mindset rationalizes that sexual violence dealt against a woman wearing anything less than a sweater set and a long skirt is justified.
All of this isn’t to say that rape can’t be addressed in the media, or that the action and the culture of rape can’t be addressed with comical concern, but it has to be done with a sense of decorum, and its goal should be to shine light on the conditions of rape and rape culture in this society. Comedians such Wanda Sykes, Elayne Boosler, Tig Notaro and Sarah Silverman are able to do this, riding the fine line between astute commentary and humor. The late great George Carlin was also able to do this with the following joke:
Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd. See, hey why do you think they call him “Porky,” eh? I know what you’re going to say. “Elmer was asking for it. Elmer was coming on to Porky. Porky couldn’t help himself, he got a hard-on, he got horny, he lost control, he went out of his mind.” A lot of men talk like that. A lot of men think that way. They think it’s the woman’s fault. They like to blame the rape on the woman. Say,“she had it coming, she was wearing a short skirt.” These guys think women ought to go to prison for being cock teasers. Don’t seem fair to me.
The perpetual evolution of the definition of rape could be a factor in the national disassociation with rape. While it’s brilliant that law officials are finally zoning in on the definition of rape, understanding the spectrum of actions to be identified as rape, how long did it take? And now that we have a functional definition, what does that mean for women? What does it mean for the media? The sad truth is that it may not mean very much at all. The definition may have changed but media’s attitude toward rape hasn’t changed because their attitude toward women hasn’t changed. In the same light, the media has no respect for individuals in the prison system, which is why it’s so easy for entertainers and media outlets to visit the idea of others being sodomized by brash strangers. At some point, people need to realize that there’s nothing funny about sexual assault and until it can be addressed in a tasteful way that could even bring attention to such an issue, it needs to be off limits.
More on Madame Noire!
- Okay, I’ll Submit. But Are You Ready To Love Me? (You Know, Like Christ Loved The Church)
- An Open Letter To The Almighty Goatee
- It’s Not About You Boo: Times When Your Sensitivity Gets In The Way
- Bet You Didn’t Know: Secrets Behind The Making Of “How Stella Got Her Groove Back”
- “Girl, You’ve Got a Big ‘Ol Juicy Booty!” 7 Ways Men Hurt Their Chances With Women
- The Danger Of Marrying For Practical Purposes: Why I Think Those Who “Settle” Are Potential Cheaters
- The Thirst Files: She Pulled A Disappearing Act, I Got Desperate
I’m sure I’m not the only person who used to get soooo much crap for liking a certain musician or group who weren’t big with family or friends. For me, back in the day, if it wasn’t hip-hop or R&B, my brother used to get on me about digging pop musicians like Christina Aguilera, Fiona Apple, and Celine Dion. You listen to unique bands and singers today that don’t fit the BET mold and you look more cultured, deep and well-rounded, but back in the day, I just used to get called weird. Ah, well. Were you fans of any of these folks years ago? Well, now you know you weren’t the only one…
The White Boy Bands
I used to say I liked the Backstreet Boys to my family, and often times, they would assume I was talking about BLACKSTREET. Uh, no boo boo, there’s a big difference. I couldn’t help it, “I Want It That Way” by the Backstreet Boys, “Bye, Bye, Bye” by N’Sync, and “Step By Step” by New Kids on the Block were THE jams. But if you played them around my folks, or asked someone to turn the radio back to the one of these tracks, folks would treat you like you were trying to listen to Insane Clown Posse. Shame…
There’s something about Chelsea Handler that I find partially annoying but for the most part just not funny. In stark contrast for her affinity for black men, particularly rappers, she has a special place in her heart for trying to keep the stereotypical black girl meme going and it’s really not a good look.
The other night she went on a tirade about wanting to find a new “black lady friend” and the commentary went something like this:
“As I mentioned yesterday, Tracy Lately is looking for some new friends, not that I don’t like the ones I have, I’m just looking for better ones. In particular, I am looking for a new Black lady friend. I don’t want to make it a racial thing, bu the last Black girlfriend I had robbed me. I tried to be friends with Lonnie Love but during a recent slumber party, she ate my chaise lounge. My bad, I should have never purchased a chaise lounge made out of waffles. I recently found a new candidate on the new VH1 dating series, Tough Love New Orleans.”
This is when she cuts to the video clip of her new-found black BFF and continues with:
“This whole thing has got me wondering, why in predominately African-American films is there never a sassy White friend? Tyler Perry, last time I checked, I am White and I am sassy. Here is my audition: Leave him girlfriend. That man ain’t no good for you b***h. [Insert neck roll and finger snaps.]
I’m pretty sure there was a laugh reel or something going because it just wasn’t that funny. I wasn’t particularly offended, I just felt like I’d seen that before and didn’t really need to see it again because it wasn’t so funny the first time. On Womanist Musings though, Renee Martin didn’t let her off the hook so easily. She wrote:
“I am sick to death of these negative characteristics being treated as the monolithic representative standard of Black womanhood. I am sick to death of White women perpetuating them as truth, while never acknowledging that these very same tropes benefit them. It’s all ya ya sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits when they need something, and remember your place when they don’t. Mostly though, I am sick to death of comedians using comedy to justify unleashing bigoted screeds for laughs. If you have to depend upon perpetuating an ism to be perceived as funny, you are not a comedian, you’re a bigot.”
All I have to say about the ghetto black girl axe she continues to grind it, don’t you have better things to do, like visit 50 Cent in the hospital? Oh, and please don’t give Tyler Perry any ideas. The last thing we need is a “Madea Goes to Chelsea Lately.”
Check out the clip of her ghetto black girl routine and tell us what you think. How do you feel about Chelsea Handler?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
More on Madame Noire!
- True Life: Have You Gotten Over Your First Love?
- Wendy, Please Stop Speaking For All Black Women and Their Need To Be Natural
- Don’t Ignore the Crazy, Don’t Rationalize the Brokenness: A Cautionary Dating Tale
- Lil Kim On What Really Went Down With Faith, Her Face, and The Engagement No One Knew About
- MN Exclusive: Eric Benét Discusses New Album and Explains His Ode To “Redbone Girl”
- Where Are They Now? The Cast of “Girlfriends”
- How To Achieve Heatless Curls Around The House
It’s April Fool’s Day and the jokes are not only for the young and heart. Respectable and successful companies like Facebook and Startbucks have taken a liking to the clever holiday and decided to join in on the fun using their digital platforms.
Appropriately titled page pranks these sites have “twisted” their brand around and let loose to give their audience something to laugh about. Take a look at these hilarious jokes right here…
Are you single and you don’t want to be single? There are reasons for that. Mmmhmmm. Sometimes it is your fault. Let’s just put that out there right now. You can’t fix something if you don’t acknowledge that it’s broken, right? Right. So, let’s delve into these possible reasons why you’re single. Don’t be mad if a little mirror pops up on one of these reasons.
Let’s get it!
Where do you get your hair “did?” Is it some fancy ritzy place or do you go to a hood salon? Hood salons are so fun, but they can be kind of a drag sometimes too. Not sure whether or not your salon qualifies as hood?
If you can identify with five or more of these signs, then you must admit that your salon is hood!