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Cameron is a jerk.

Three years ago, this article would’ve begun with some poetic description of his awesomeness. Now that I’m older and wiser, he is nothing but a mere example.

THEN:

Cameron was my sort-of boyfriend. At nineteen, when men told me they were detached or separated, I believed them. His words were something like, “We’re not together right now and we might work things out, but I don’t really know.” Back then, my insecurity translated that into, “I’m single.” For an entire summer, we went on a litany of dates: Neo-soul concerts, dinner and laughter, staring at the stars from my apartment balcony, and drunken double dates with my roommate and her boyfriend of the semester.

Soon my written work was taken asunder by love poems and sonnets of Cameron. My Facebook notes were adorned with my sentiment and I found myself purchasing tickets for his favorite band. He became the “we-don’t-need-titles” love of my life.

Women have a way of misconstruing men’s movements. It’s true; sometimes actions speak louder than words. However, in some rare cases those words boom louder than the physical mixed messages we cling too.

1) Cameron had made it clear from the outset of our “relationship” that his ex was kind-of still in the picture.

2) Every time I’d bring up why we didn’t have titles, he’d avoid the topic and veer into a completely different conversation.

3) After every date, he’d remind me of how much he valued our “friendship” and hoped that we’d be “pals” forever.

Yeah, I had all the signs. Still, I chose blindness over my third eye.

After every great night, he’d write general statuses on his webpage solidifying my false hope.

“The future holds beautiful things for us.”

For me, tagging him to the top of the love verse in my notes with no protest meant his “ex” was non-existent. When he wrote things on my photos and on my wall, I was sure of my exclusivity.

Facebook soon added the ability to see previews of what someone was writing to another person. I witnessed Cameron write identical statements, like the ones he wrote for me, on the photos and walls of tons of other girls. His ex-girlfriend eventually caught on and began to stake her claim anywhere she could on his page.

I was mortified.

When I confronted Cameron he reiterated the statements he’d said so many times before. He was right. He’d warned me that he wasn’t in for the full ride and still I’d given him the driver’s seat.

NOW:

After a few weeks of I-hate-you and reclaiming the Dave Matthew’s Band concert tickets I bought him, we decided we’d just be friends. No seriously, just friends.

Years have passed by and we’ve both danced in and out of new relationships witnessing the union’s trials through broken mini-feed hearts, photo albums and fluctuating emotional updates.

Recently, he and one of his new beaus came to watch one of my performances. She enjoyed herself and added me on Facebook.

As I witness the flurry of a familiar feeling slash across my recent FB stories, I am struck by deja vu.

Clearly the two are going through a breakup now. She’s posting “the-why-oh-whys” and he’s STILL gallivanting the fact that he doesn’t care by cascading inappropriate comments/lingo on the pages of hors d’oeuvres. (The English pronunciation.)

I’m not bothered by Cameron’s actions. In fact, I’m eerily used to them by now. What bothers me is the girlfriend’s reaction and how incredibly similar it was to my own. Her digital heart on her sleeve went from posting lovey-dovey photos, written work and announcements of their mush to anger and resentment. I’ve sailed on that ship.

However, there are two factors that remain the same. Cameron is STILL a jerk. Within the last few years, even when he’s in a relationship, his internet behavior has rarely deviated. Onlookers assume that when a man’s Facebook is flooded with photos, an “in a relationship” and any activity that sounds anything like romantic bliss, he’s committed.

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Next time you’re cursing men, ignoring calls from your mom who will just ask why you’re not out on a date, and brushing off your shoulders while trying to stay positive after another humiliating and/or horrifying experience in the world of dating, just take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. These crappy things happen to just about every single woman at some point. Think we’re lying? Just check this list of stuff all the single ladies go through.

madamenoire.com

We all know them when we see them. Clowns, jerks, douche bags – any of these names will do. What I find interesting, and annoying, is that either these people have no idea that they are this way, or they simply don’t care. Some even take pride in it, and wear that title as a badge of honor. But this list isn’t really given so that you can identify one, but more-so provided so that if you are blinded by love…or the long stroke…you can run…and run fast! Lames can be men OR women, but since this site is geared towards women, let me help the sistas out.

If for some strange reason you really don’t know what a lame looks like up close and personal, male OR female, let me help you out with just a few of a myriad of traits that define a jerk. Feel free to add your own.

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As you read this you will probably think of at least one girlfriend or relative who fits the description:  She’s been in a long-term “relationship” with a guy who has mastered the art of being selfish, is pathologically unfaithful and lies to her as if he’s getting reward points for it.  Yet, she continuously clings to the faith that he really is a good person deep down because she’s seen occasional evidence of the stand-up guy he really can be, like that one time he brought her flowers or canceled his plans so that he could babysit…his own kids.

Why do women do this to themselves?  Why do we invest so much time and emotion into men who obviously have no sincere intention in doing the same?  It’s because many of us are convinced that all our tears, pain and struggle through the dark times will eventually lead us to a proverbial light at the end of a tunnel.  We believe that we have the power of epiphany to make a jerk realize that what he’s been waiting for has been standing in front of him all along and thus he will act accordingly to keep it from slipping away.  The fault in this logic is that you have to make sure he’s actually waiting for anything he wants to keep in the first place.

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