All Articles Tagged "jealous"
I’m sure you’ve seen one of our pieces, or ones done by other publications, which detail all the reasons why it’s okay to dump a friend from your life, but very rarely are folks honest about the times that they’ve been a crappy friend and did nothing to change. It’s okay, sometimes we need someone to give us a wake-up call so we can do better. I’ve been a bad friend and dealt with bad friends, and while it’s okay to let go of people who don’t uplift you, you should also check yourself when it comes to treating those who you claim to be your best friends right. Here are 9 signs that you’re not being that great of a BFF.
Relationships are meant to make you feel cared for, loved, and secure, but often times, people in relationships experience a lot of jealousy and rarely does it have anything to do with their partner. Here are some thoughts that are making you jealous and how you can change them.
When I get a text message from my best friend, I never know what she’ll say, usually she asks some type of thought provoking question. This time it was about deal breakers:
“What would you do if your lover said he was jealous of your relationship with God?”
Whoa. A deep one.
Before I decided to freak out and start flipping tables, I asked for clarification:
“It depended on how he said it. Jealous like he’s trying to get like me or jealous like he wants some of that attention?”
“The attention God gets from you.”
I had permission to go all the way in.
“Gurl, that’s crazy. That almost sounds like something a potential abuser would say. I would be tempted to be done. But first I would tell him he should never expect to have more of my attention than God does. Everybody–and for real everybody in your life– will leave you voluntarily or involuntarily at some point. Why would I neglect the one ‘person’ who is not only the reason for my existence by who will never leave me all for some rusty behind dude?!? It don’t make good sense.”
Now for the record, my friend wasn’t talking about anyone she was dating personally. She was talking about someone else. And yes it was something he really said to the woman. This woman is abstaining from sex for a month as a form of sacrifice to God. And apparently, he’s having a hard time dealing with their lack of intercourse which is what led him to express his ‘jealousy.’ He even took it a step further. The favors and kind gestures he used to make towards her, he’s stopped since she’s been abstaining.
In my initial response I said I would be tempted to be done with him but after further reflection, I don’t know how a relationship with this type of person would work. My relationship with God is a nonnegotiable. So if you’re going to be jealous of our connection, how is this supposed to progress?
It probably won’t.
A man who would say something like that and then attempt to punish me for my spiritual connection is someone who is manipulative and honestly grossly ignorant about what it means to be connected to God. I know some people can date those who don’t believe in God. But at least, they should be sympathetic. God has to come first.
But just as I getting righteously indignant, I heard a small voice ask me, ‘Do you always put God first in your relationships?’
This is what I mean about the importance of having a relationship with God. He’ll check you or ‘get you right’ in a minute.
I’ve definitely been in situationships, particularly new ones where thoughts of that person consumed my mind. I spent hours on the phone talking to dude only to pass out before saying my prayers. I’d sit in church completely zoned, daydreaming about him. Or I’d keep checking my phone in between choir selections to see if he’d sent a text message.
These weren’t conscious decisions I’d made. If someone were to ask me, I’d proudly tell them that God was first in my life. But my actions didn’t necessarily say that.
And while we shouldn’t deal with a man who couldn’t accept our relationship with God, my friend’s question ultimately made me reevaluate myself and my own life.
Have you ever found yourself becoming consumed with thoughts of a man and what to do to please him more than God?
This morning, Kelly Rowland dropped by “Good Morning America” to discuss her new album “Talk a Good Game,” and among other things, lay the misconceptions about her song “Dirty Laundry” to rest. Though not much of the song was left up to interpretation, listeners did have to read between the lines a bit to figure out who the abusive boyfriend was that Kelly referenced in the lyrics. But when it comes to the line, “While my sister was on stage, I was enraged,” the former Destiny’s Child singer says we’ve got it all wrong. She told ABC’s Lara Spencer:
“That line is so often misunderstood and I know how it could be. The crazy thing about that song is, I was going through my own personal battle. So when [Beyoncé's] doing her thing, I’m over here thinking, ‘What am I going to do next? What do I wanna do with my life?’ I’m going through this relationship, smiling for people in public, going through so much pain and thinking about what I wanted for myself and I just wanted more. The song turned into something so positive for me and I am so happy that it did.”
So I guess that means we got it wrong and she’s not jealous of Bey?
Either way, the real exciting news is that while at GMA, Kelly revealed a snippet of the video for “Dirty Laundry” and it looks like it’s going to be good. Check out the video of her interview and music video preview below. What do you think?
Sometimes, after you break things off with your ex, you never see them again… not in the back aisles of bodegas, nor at the concerts of mutually-enjoyed musicians. Depending on how your relationship ended, you’re lucky enough not to see their mug again. Then, there are other exes, those who are always around. They are visible, they make frequent appearances, they know your schedule, they ‘like’ everything on your Facebook wall and Instagram, and/or they still talk to all of your friends. Despite the fact that you two are no longer an item, your ex has failed to get the memo that you both need to move on.
Once, I had an ex who called me every day for the next six months after our short relationship ended, even when he’d moved on to another relationship. I had another ex who would tattle to a mutual friend anytime he saw me hanging out with other guys, claiming that I was being “out of control.” Some exes don’t know how to mind their own business, and some of them need to find business of their own. We’ve all had to deal with a person like this at least once.
Some people are unable to step away from their fallen relationships. Geared by certain motivations, they decide to hang around for a number of reasons, including: personal history, lingering attraction, persisting emotion, fear, or not feeling a sense of closure. And, sometimes, people hang around just so they can stay in your system, and remain relevant. While they don’t necessarily want to be with you, they can’t resist an urge to check on you, access you, and/or make sure that your happiness doesn’t exceed theirs. Their actions not being based on wanting you back, missing you, or caring deeply for you, they often behave this way because it’s simply a matter of them not wanting anyone else to be with you. They suddenly see your value once others are appraising you, and that somehow provokes some insane sense of entitlement in them that compels the person to infringe on your time, make off-hand comments, or to be all-around haters.
Even if your ex has your best intentions in mind, (i.e. calling to check on how you’re doing, being emotionally available) it’s important to gain some sort of distance post breakup, otherwise it produces confusion, and the situation becomes murky. Very solid lines that were been drawn when you two broke up can suddenly become blurred, and the thought of “Why did we break up in the first place?” surfaces. It’s easy to stumble back into a relationship, especially when your ex is a concerned and helpful person. This isn’t to say that you and your ex can’t ever be friends or that you and your ex can’t give it a second go, but it’s important to gain that initial distance for a few reasons.
Number one: if you’re not careful, you might end up bedding him simply because feelings were amidst, and you were feeling sentimental and vulnerable. Number two: you don’t want to use your ex, which can be the can be the case with kind overly-attached exes. As flattering as it is that your ex will still travel several miles out of his way to pick up your dry cleaning, you don’t want to take advantage of that kindness, especially if those kind things are are only being done in order to lure you back into a relationship. Number three: if you decide that the two of you should get back together, remembering why you broke up is really important, and a few nice gestures won’t cure ongoing issues. Make sure you take the proper amount of time to digest your break-up before making the decision to get back with that person.
No longer being with your ex grants you the permission to do whatever you need/want to do, despite the fact that a nosy ex can be a naysayer. Try to vocalize your position to your ex if you’re feeling overwhelmed by them, and try to inform them that while their opinions were once held with the greatest esteem, it’s time for them to take a step way back. Like way back and out of the picture.
There is only one difference between the crazy girlfriend and the cool girlfriend: the crazy one says what’s on her mind all the time. But be real: we all have mean, rude, selfish, paranoid and even insane thoughts occasionally. The trick to a successful relationship is gaining control over those thoughts, and learning when to speak up and when to bite your tongue, count to ten, and let it pass.
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Yesterday we unveiled our new series “I Always Wanted To Ask,” which garnered a lot of mixed reviews. Most people stopped dead in their tracks at the thought of being questioned about being jealous of a white woman but there was a lot of dialogue you missed between Madame Noire and the ladies of The Frisky.
Check out the extended cut of episode 1 in which we talk about interracial dating from the perspective of those who’ve actually had that experience. Watch as we delve into everything from assumed stank eyes, exoticism, and sexual myths about not just Black and White women, but also Black and White men. Enjoy!
KEEP THE DISCUSSION GOING WITH MORE EPISODES OF I ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH!
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
If there’s any topic that gets Black women riled up it’s interracial dating. Though most of us have tucked our reactions into the “I don’t care pile,” a number of us are still known for having a bit of a ‘tude when we see a White woman on a Black man’s arm. But why? Are we jealous? Do we think the chosen White woman sees herself as some kind of trophy? Do we want Black men all to ourselves? These are the types of assumptions that are being made on all sides of the coin, so why not get to the bottom of these misconceptions and address them as best we can? That’s what we did in our new series, “I Always Wanted To Ask.”
Yesterday, we gave you an intro to the series and some background info on the ladies whose opinions are included. Now it’s time to delve into the convo. This is “I Always Wanted To Ask:” Interracial Dating.
KEEP THE DISCUSSION GOING WITH MORE EPISODES OF I ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH!
I’m a lowkey fan of Real Housewives of Atlanta ‘s Kandi so when I read on her Bravo blog that Nene’s fans were coming for her after Sunday night’s show I was super confused. Kandi is just about the only person in the history of the RHOA franchise who can say she doesn’t seek out drama and from what I’ve seen, anything she’s had to say about Nene, she not only said it to friends but also to Nene’s face. Nevertheless, her Twitter timeline was full of accusations that the reality star is a jealous, two-faced hater, to which Kandi replied: “LOL! Whatever!”
Here’s what she wrote on her blog:
“I am not jealous of NeNe at all. I’m very happy for her success. I’m definitely not two-faced, because I have been very honest about my feelings towards NeNe all along. Clearly NeNe knows how I feel, because you heard Cynthia say that, “NeNe doesn’t understand why you don’t like her.” I think it’s a bit much to say that I don’t like her, because I don’t have any dislike for her. I just think that I’m very guarded when it comes to her.”
So why is Kandi so guarded?
“I think [Nene] plays the women of this show just like chess,” Kandi wrote. “I’m an observer. I just sit back and watch. When people think I’m not paying attention, I am. NeNe is a smart woman and she plays a game to benefit her at all times. There’s nothing wrong with that. I find it funny how over the years she’ll dog somebody out for doing the same exact thing she has already done or said, as if she has never done or said it. And then everyone starts siding with her as if they don’t remember the bulls**t she did or said.
“It frustrates me when I get people tweeting me asking, “Why do you feel that way about NeNe?” I’m like, did you just start watching RHOA or something? She’s been making snide remarks about me since I first came on the show. I’m one of those people that if we start off on the wrong foot, then you’ve pretty much set the tone for how it’s going to be, and clearly she and I started on the wrong foot. I try to be cool, because we are in the same circle. I know that we’re going to be around each other a lot, so I’m always cordial. Overall I respect NeNe, I just don’t deal with her too much.”
I have to say I think Kandi’s assessment is 100 percent on point. What reason would she have to be jealous of Nene? She’s been getting money since 1999. Nene may be the most notable member of he RHOA cast, but I would think Kandi is definitely the one bringing in the most money and it appears to me she’d rather be doing things behind the scenes that make money, like running her own businesses, than being the face of a show or two and bringing in just a couple of paychecks. Like she said, Nene is a smart business woman and if there’s nothing you can do for her, she will remove you from her life. Ring a bell Kim?
What do you think about Kandi’s take on Nene?
In honor of National Singles Week, I’d like to throw this out there: Being unattached has some serious perks. My friends and I are all in our early 20s, so we’re at varying relationship stages. Some are engaged, some (like myself) are in long-term relationships, some are playing the field and others are living (and loving) the single life.
And man, sometimes I just get jealous of the single ones.
I haven’t been paired up for too long; my boyfriend and I are learning new things about one another every day. And though I’m very happy in my relationship (thank you very much!) I was plenty happy when I was single, too, and there are many things I miss. Here’s a list that should aptly be titled “My boyfriend might break up with me after reading this.”
1. Flirting. Or, more specifically, flirting without shame or regret.
2. The chase. The biggest chase that will happen in a relationship is likely when your boyfriend steals the remote during an ABC Family screening of The Notebook.
3. The remote control. Speaking of the remote. Honey, I love you, but I don’t want to watch footballall of the time.
Read more at: yourtango.com
More on Madame Noire!
- Okay, I’ll Submit. But Are You Ready To Love Me? (You Know, Like Christ Loved The Church)
- An Open Letter To The Almighty Goatee
- It’s Not About You Boo: Times When Your Sensitivity Gets In The Way
- Bet You Didn’t Know: Secrets Behind The Making Of “How Stella Got Her Groove Back”
- “Girl, You’ve Got a Big ‘Ol Juicy Booty!” 7 Ways Men Hurt Their Chances With Women
- The Danger Of Marrying For Practical Purposes: Why I Think Those Who “Settle” Are Potential Cheaters
- The Thirst Files: She Pulled A Disappearing Act, I Got Desperate