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Finally some positive feedback for Iyanla. After DMX going off on her and Sheree Whitfield complaining about her recent appearance on Iyanla: Fix My Life, the OWN Network show is reaping rewards with the viewers, particularly those in African-American households, according to Nielsen. Moreover, reports Target Market News, Life With La Toya, the reality show tracking LaToya Jackson (who seems to be making a Kardashian-like career out of being on multiple reality programs), was a favorite on the Top 25 chart of black viewers’ favorite shows for the week ending April 14. Iyanla: Fix My Life and Life With La Toya were the only adult-oriented Saturday night shows on the list, reports the site.

Looking at other numbers, Bravo was the week’s most watched cable network and BET had 4.8 million across four shows, such as The Game, followed by VH1′s 4.4 million for four shows.

Fewer African Americans were viewing TV for the week, however. The total number of viewers watching the Top 25, according to Nielsen, was 27.3 million, or three percent less than the previous week,” reports Target Market News.

The top shows for the week among African Americans were the two episodes of American Idol, The Voice, and Dancing With The Stars.

Haven’t been tuning in to LaToya’s show? (We know you’re watching Iyanla!) Here’s a teaser for the next episode of Life With LaToya. Are you tuning in?

Source: OWN

Life coach and spiritual advisor Iyanla Vanzant has been receiving harsh criticism from her Fix My Life guests since the show’s season two debut. Just last week we told you that DMX’s publicist came forward claiming that her client’s appearance on the show did nothing but make his current situation worse. The Yonkers rapper even furthered those allegations by saying Iyanla is “toxic” and  that he’s taking legal action to have footage from his episode removed. While X’s gripe with Vanzant may seem a bit on the extreme side, he doesn’t appear to be the only person unhappy with the way things turned out. According to RumorFix, former Real Housewives of Atlanta star Shereé Whitfield also had a few issues regarding her portrayal on the show and admits to feeling “misled” by Iyanla.

“Since leaving the ‘Housewives’, I’ve been at a different place in my life, a place of healing and self-empowerment, so when Bob reached out to me about doing this show on co-parenting I was excited because I thought we were both on the same page and equally wanted to work towards mending our relationship so that we could more effectively co-parent, and even more importantly I thought it was an opportunity to inspire single parents in our situation. However, once shooting began I felt misled because the line of questioning was centered more on accusations of my shortcomings as a wife versus how we can begin to resolve our issues,” Whitfield said in an issued statement.

Shereé went on to say that she considered Iyanal’s counseling approach to be “one-sided” and “judgmental.”

Did you watch Sheree’s episode of Fix My Life? What do you think of Shereé’s allegations?

Last night, I expected to walk away from the latest episode of “Iyanla Fix My Life” even more disgusted with former NFL star Bob Whitfield than I had already been. But in the end, I actually felt a little compassion for the ex-husband of former “Real Housewives of Atlanta” star Sheree Whitfield, and more sad and disappointed by her actions than his, oddly enough.

In my mind, Sheree marks the second client in a row who has come on Iyanla’s show unwilling to do the work (DMX being the first). Most RHOA fans will admit Sheree has seemed phony from day one, but for some reason I imagined that act was for those cameras and she wouldn’t dare get on this show pretending. But after seeing how she acted on a show that was supposed to be about resolving issues, it appears phoniness is a way of life for her, from her farce of a marriage to the grandiose plans of Chateau Sheree — which Iyanla got on her about by the way.

Heading out to the lot which is still ladden with dirt mounds and the outline of an incomplete home, Iyanla asked Sheree how she could build an edifice like that but still need child support from Bob. She then proceeded to ask the former reality star what Chateau Sheree was about and when she said it was about her kids, Iyanla shut that down and told her the extravagant home wasn’t about her kids at all, but about her. And how could she really argue with that? The name says it all.

Caiming that home is about her kids isn’t the only pretending Sheree has done. Both she and Bob admitted to pretending to actually be in a real marriage and be happy. Sheree admitted that Bob didn’t even come home the second night after their wedding and he told Iyanla that he really wasn’t “into her at the time of her first pregnancy.” He basically thought the least he could do in that predicament was try to create a family unit for their unplanned child, hence their marriage. Last night he sang a totally different tune though, telling Sheree he had needed her to be his number one cheerleader when they were married but now that she’s made him out to be a deadbeat dad in the media, he’s done trying to have any type of dealings with her and would prefer to have contact directly with their kids rather than go through her. He said:

“I really don’t like you…and I feel like you don’t like me either. I think it’s almost best we stay unliked. I’m not going to love you from here on out. I’ll respect you because of who you are to my children.”

Sheree said she doesn’t like Bob either, but didn’t cop to being hurt that her ex-husband and father of her children could have such harsh things to say about her. Iyanla then scolded both parents, telling Bob shame on him for not liking the mother of his children and shaming Sheree for not liking her children’s father.

In the end, Bob and Sheree claimed they would work on co-parenting better but with the stipulations Sheree tried to place on Bob’s ability to see their son and daughter, Iyanla was clear with her that her anger and resentment toward Bob was overshadowing what was best for their kids. And since Sheree couldn’t even admit to harboring those feelings, the two would likely be in the same place once their session ended.

As of now, that appears to be true as the update at the end of the show reported that Bob was working on being a better father and noted that Sheree neglected to even provide an update on where things stand.

Check out footage from last night’s episode on the next page. Did you watch?

Delusional doesn’t even scratch the surface of what DMX’s real issue is, but it’s a pretty safe description to use for a man who, with so many issues of his own that need fixing, calls someone who tries to help him “toxic.”

That’s the word X used to describe Iyanla Vanzant following the airing of his episode on “Iyanla Fix My Life” last Saturday. We already knew the rapper was upset when his publicist put out a statement on Monday morning saying:

“DMX agreed to be a guest on ‘Iyanla: Fix My Life’ with the understanding that she would be helping his relationships with his ten children. When he arrived for the taping, most of the content was focused on his struggles with drugs and poor parenting. Iyanla did not “fix” DMX’s life just made his image worse, and does not have DMX’s personal written consent to use the footage.”

Now DMX is moving one step further with that last allegation, exploring his legal options to get footage of his “Fix My Life” episode removed from the OWN network altogether. He told TMZ Iyanla was only supposed to ask him about his issues with women, not drugs, and he was totally caught off guard by the prodding into his addiction.

“Iyanla set the whole thing up to make me look bad for ratings. That lady is toxic … My last words to her were that she can suck my d**k and she still can.”

As much of a fan as I am of Iyanla, I do know that she can be preachy, but toxic? Sounds to me like he’s projecting his own mess onto someone else. While it may be true that DMX came to Iyanla about women rather than his children, that right there says he has some serious issues if he’s putting random groupies before his kids. And even if the episode stuck to his addiction to women, did he nor his publicist not think his addiction to drugs was going to be discussed as a factor there as well?

The bottom line appears to be DMX just wasn’t ready to do the work, as Iyanla would say. And the response he’s giving to the episode is only discrediting his claims that Iyanla is the one making him look bad and showing no one can do that better than himself.

Do you think DMX has any legal leg to stand on in getting his footage removed from OWN?

Yesterday we talked about the explosive episode of “Iyanla Fix My Life” which aired Saturday night on OWN. Most people walked away from the opening episode of season 2 perplexed by DMX’s struggle and the fact that no real resolution came away an hour-and-a-half later. And that frustration was magnified by a statement the rapper’s publicist released, insinuating that Iyanla Vanzant exploited DMX and somehow made his image worse — eliminating any type of accountability on his end.

Well, if you know anything about Iyanla, she’s not standing for it. In fact, she’s responded to the negativity from DMX’s camp with another outpouring of love and an opportunity for him to get the help he so desperately needs. On the OWN website, the  life coach and Yoruba priestess posted this videotaped open letter to the hurting rapper, saying:

Beloved,

I know we haven’t spoken since our time together in Yonkers, but you have been in my thoughts and on my heart. And what concerns me is what I’m hearing from your friends and family and those who love you. And what I’m hearing is that they are just waiting for the call. They’re waiting for the day they get the call. And you know what I mean.

But I’m not waiting for that call. I’m calling on you, and I’m not going to give up on you. I will not stand by and watch my brother die. Over the years, I’ve worked with many, many people who’ve struggled with addiction. With help, healing is possible.

I want you to remember the person you became in the final months of your grandmother’s life. That’s a clean life. You can be that man today and every day. Just remember what your son said to you, “I want a relationship with you that is not toxic.”

My brother, Earl, DMX, I support you. I love you and I’m calling on all of my beloveds, my tweeple, my Facebok, my masterpiece families, to send you their love and support.

I know that there is no valley deep enough, no gap wide enough, no mountain high enough that love can’t conquer.

My door is always open.

Let’s hope DMX decides to walk through that door. What do you think about Iyanla’s letter?

DMX is the reason why sometimes you really don’t want to know all the sordid details behind the making of the art.

Seriously, anybody with the first two DMX albums already knew the man had problems. The prayers? The good angel/devil voice fluctuation he used to do? His obsession with pit bulls? I mean, we kind of always knew there was something ’bout X that was hurting. But he was also a good looking, bald-headed black man who could rap and liked to bark aggressively on tracks. Not to mention the bedroom scene from Belly put many women on his side. In the past, most of us took DMX as unbalanced, but in a fun way – sort of like John Malkovich. But now that the covers have been pulled back on Earl “DMX” Simmons the person – thanks to his various appearances on reality television – it kind of puts a damper on DMX the artist. He is no longer the black and hip-hop version of the misunderstood eccentric we once thought. Instead, he is just like a Gary Busey.

But I still have love for DMX and I definitely extend my deepest well-wishes to Earl Simmons.

Based off of Saturday’s episode of Iyanla: Fix My Life with Iyanla Vanzant, DMX certainly is embittered by his past and fearful of facing his own mistakes. But so was his son Xavier, who had been estranged from Simmons for a number of years. Despite father and son claiming that they desired a relationship with each other, both claimed anger and pointed fingers at each other for why their relationship didn’t work. Simmons said it was because his son was distant. Xavier, however, charged that his dad was a controlling womanizer, who made him feel “valueless and like nothing.” His intention on the show was to confront his father; to make him own up to what he did. But as Vanzant asked, and then what?

Vanzant challenged Xavier to search for the root of his father’s faults; to understand that Simmons is likely of “diseased mind and a wounded heart.” His breakthrough came when he realized that his own anger towards his father and about his upbringing was sending him down the same destructive road as Simmons. And his father’s behavior might not be intended, but rather a reflection of how Simmons too learned to love from past pain. Instead of meeting and confronting his father in anger, Vanzant advised Xavier to instead go into this meeting with an open and compassionate heart.

I have my questions about the platform in which Iyanla Vanzant chooses to dish her brand of self-help, mainly about how she tries to squeeze months of intensive counseling into only a few hours of taping, which makes for good self-help television, but maybe not for good therapy for those direct recipients of her counseling. And I definitely cringed at the sheer exploitative nature of the whole #SupportDMX hashtag, which she promoted periodically throughout the show. While a great use for fan engagement (i.e., marketing), what a horrible way to really show your support of DMX. I mean, sure there was some really nice well wishes and thoughtful advice given, but there was also a lot of gossip and jokes made at both DMX and his family’s expense. But I have to give her credit for the delivery of a very powerful message about what it truly means to show compassion.

Compassion isn’t just about having sympathy for someone’s circumstances, but rather an acknowledgment that the pain and suffering from such circumstances is not exclusive and is likely a shared experience by many. Therefore, when we extend leniency or even forgiveness towards others forgiveness, we are actually offering compassion to the vulnerable part of ourselves, which has also been wounded and scarred by similar pain. Right before I watched Saturday’s episode, I was throwing things around in my place. As usual, I waited until the last moment to file my taxes and as usual, one of the important documents I needed to file was missing. I thought I had it with all my other tax documents but it was not there. I had no idea where it was, so there I was, running around, frantic, tossing around papers and screaming about how this always happens. “Things just always get up and disappear,” I’m yelling to no one in particular. I’m so mad, I want to take this anger out on someone. The IRS for requiring that I file taxes; the document-maker for not making the paper harder to misplace; basically anybody or thing else but me. That’s the hard part about accepting responsibility. I had to admit to myself my place in not only mismanaging my important documents, but also waiting until the last minute to file. And I have to admit that all the similar judgments I have placed on others for similar infractions now land squarely at my own feet. Not only will I have to admit that I am wrong, but I might also have to admit that I am a hypocrite too. The weight of imperfections and faults can be a very heavy mental and emotional cross to bear at times, and it is very tempting to want to hide from the responsibility. But then you have to also have mercy on yourself. To understand that you are going to make mistakes and that’s okay. And sometimes, those mistakes will have consequences that you will have to deal with and that’s okay too. The best thing to do is not to harp on what was done (can’t change it anyway), but rather what needs to be done next. So I stopped throwing angry fits and tearing up my place; owned up to my mistake, forgave myself, and got some filing folders for next tax season.

It is a lonely place when you are embittered by mistakes in your life. And as the show progressed you could definitely see that father and son were becoming aware of that very fact. For Xavier, being compassionate enabled him to meet with his father, not only to confront him about his feelings, but also to listen to what his father had to say in response. Being open to possible criticism enabled Xavier to then go and have those same objective conversations with people in his life, for whom he might have been unconsciously treating as he had been treated by his father. In a very emotional part of the show, Simmons apologized to Xavier, saying, “I tried. Really sincerely tried. I’m sorry. I tried.” It was a really emotional scene, which I imagine took lots of courage for him to commit to. It was also the start of some healing on the part of Simmons. Unfortunately, he has yet to be able to garner the necessary compassion needed to forgive himself for his mistakes. And until he does, he will continue to make excuse after excuse and wallow in the pain of it all.

Source: WENN

From Essence

When Iyanla Vanzant sits down with DMX, everyone had better tune in with a notebook and pencil because it’s going to be explosive. Vanzant meets the embattled rapper on the season 2 premiere of Iyanla: Fix My Life to offer “support” around his issues with drug abuse, women, his extensive arrest record (“roughly 30 times,” he tells her), and his relationship with his family, particularly his son.

Vanzant spoke to ESSENCE.com about the episode, where she thinks DMX went wrong, and what we can all learn from him.

On where she thinks DMX went wrong in his life:

I don’t think that he went wrong. All of us have ways in which we mask and cover our pain. This is a man who is in a tremendous amount of pain. Some of us eat; some of us shop or eat chocolate. What he is doing is a less socially acceptable way to mask and cover his pain because he doesn’t have the skills and the tools to deal with it otherwise. So I don’t think he went wrong, it’s just a defense mechanism.

The breakthrough moment:

Sometimes you go on to do one thing and something else unfolds. When you’re dealing with the ravages of long-term drug abuse you’re also dealing with the impact of the entire ecology of the environment. What we discovered was that the greatest healing was for his son Xavier who had not had the ability to address what he was feeling about his father. Xavier really got the biggest breakthrough.

This was a really good interview and you can read the rest over at Essence.com.  While this episode is clearly going to give us every level of entertainment we need, it is possibly the chance for us to learn something about ourselves and not just using it as a moment to laugh at someone else’s situation.

The second season of Iyanla: Fix My Life premieres tonight at 9p ET on OWN. Will you be watching?

Source: OWN

I remember when I first got my Kindle, I went crazy buying books.  One of the good things about Kindles are that you can read the reviews before you purchase the book.  So when I went to look up some of Iyanla Vanzant books, there was a review that surprised me.  One reader talked about how they lost respect for her and questioned her credibility when during one of her shows with teen girls who were prostituting themselves, she had Karrine Steffans to talk to the girls.  Because of that one act, this reader completely disregarded all of the positive things that Iyanla has done for people (though the review was written in 2009).

No one’s past is spotless, and no matter what your intentions are, you might have a small blip on your background that could cause people to call your credibility in question.  Especially when you gain the notoriety of fame.  Some people have been able to rise back up after the hard hit of public opinion, while others have stayed down.  Let’s look at a myriad of these professionals.

Source: WENN

Man, if the first season of Iyanla, Fix My Life didn’t bring you enough intense drama and reconciliation thanks to Iyanla Vanzant’s brand of tough love, you’ll be happy to know that season 2 picks up right where she left off last season. As we reported and showed you earlier this month, DMX’s appearance to get his very torn up existence together premieres the new season on April 13, and unfortunately, the rapper and the famed life coach end up having a yelling match where he tells her to “shut the f**k up!” But in this new teaser, we see DMX dialing it back and breaking down in front of his oldest son, who he has a tattered relationship with. But on top of that, within 30 seconds, we also get to see former RHOA star Sheree Whitfield try and hash out her drama with ex-husband Bob Whitfield, as she tells Iyanla that she often played like things were okay in public (and on camera) with her when they were anything but. Iyanla will seek to help bring the civility back between the former lovers as they try to co-parent and figure out their feelings about each other. And if you prefer the non-celebrity life interventions Vanzant does, she also meets with a woman in the sneak peek who allegedly abandons her responsibilities as a mom to find a man who can take care of her. Check out the second sneak peek of the second season and let us know what you think. Anybody else excited for this show to come back!?

Check out the season premiere with DMX on Saturday, April 13 on OWN if you’re as ready to watch the emotional rollercoasters of these people as we are.

I love my office…for several reasons. It’s black, we get to watch episodes of Maury the news and we have the most emotionally charged debates about celebrities, the actual news and real life ish. It’s how I’ve always imagined the barbershop to be, except, in our case, the women are the loudest and most aggressive when trying to prove a point. Anyway, one day we were talking about Taylor Swift and her extensive dating history. Everybody had something to say about “America’s Sweetheart.” The general consensus is that no one particularly likes her or thinks she’s exceptionally talented, (we do have one coworker who is like a true Taylor Swift fan) but other than that, the rest of us are underwhelmed. And since most of us don’t really like her, the opinions about her very public love life ran the gamut, from she’s a heaux to she’s just a young girl out here doing what young girls do. You might imagine that the last sentiment came from the  lone Taylor fan.

I argued that while Taylor Swift has been linked to a lot of different men, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s having or had sex with all of them. My other coworker co-signed, adding that even if she had slept with each and every one of them, it doesn’t make her a heaux either. Agreed. We’ve got to get past the policing of other womens’ vadges. But that’s another story for another day.

Call me naive, but I really don’t think Taylor was bustin’ it open for all those men. Call me crazy but it is possible to date someone and not sleep with them. That’s been my experience and I don’t think that because you’re in the public eye that that rule has to change. Sometimes, relationships just aren’t that serious. My coworker didn’t agree. “Who just dates knowing that the relationship isn’t going to go anywhere?” I just raised my eyebrows. Tons of people do. I, myself, am currently in a relationship that I’m pretty sure is not going to go anywhere. (And I feel comfortable writing about the publicly because I’ve told the person that I’m seeing this very thing.)

But there was a time when I wasn’t so comfortable with the fact that the relationship was inevitably going to be short lived. You know the media, old Disney movies, your friends, the internet and a whole bunch of people in between will have you believe that your sole purpose in dating is to find the one, your soulmate, Mr. Right etc. Rarely, do people tell you or encourage you  to date to have fun, to get to know people or to learn what you do and don’t want in future relationships. So, in my own relationship, once I realized that this wouldn’t be a forever type of arrangement, I panicked. Do I have to “break up” with him now? Am I leading him on? Am I going to hurt his feelings? 

All these questions. But at the same time I didn’t want to stop seeing him altogether either. He’s respectful and I enjoy the time I spend with him. Because we had both agreed, on a couple of different occasions, that it wasn’t serious and neither one of us should expect anything from it. I just wanted things to continue as they’d been going even though I knew and still know that it won’t last forever.

It wasn’t until I read this passage from Iyanla Vanzant’s In The Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want that I learned to be at peace with the whole thing:

“You can have meantime relationships. Relationships that are fun, satisfying, or fulfilling for now. You do not enter meantime relationships in need. You enter them as a choice. You know this is not the forever one, but it is the one for now. A meantime relationship should not deplete you. It should give you something to do, keep your spirits up, and help you prepare yourself for a greater experience. You will know that you are in a meantime relationship if you like the person but you don’t like them enough to lend them your car. If you enjoy spending time with them, but you cannot see yourself sitting in a rocking chair sharing your Jell-O with this person. In a meantime relationship, sexual activity is your call, but less is more. If you recognize that you are in a meantime relationship, relax and enjoy it. Do not invest your life’s savings- meaning you should not order the wedding rings or print the invitations. Face the truth! Know what you know! Accept the fact that the relationship you want is being prepared, like dinner. In the meantime, have a light snack.”

I can’t really say it much better than that. Iyanla is my girl because she illustrates the solutions to life’s dilemmas with such clarity. She let me know that since I had honestly expressed my feelings and intentions, I didn’t have to stress myself out about this relationship. You don’t have to go into every relationship expecting the man to be the one. As long as he respects you and you enjoy being around him, it’s alright for him to be the one right now.