All Articles Tagged "Iyanla Fix My Life"
“Who Holds Him Accountable?” Amina Mosley, Eldest Child Of Jay Williams, Writes Open Letter To Iyanla
We’ve talked extensively about Jay Williams and his large family on this site. We’ve talked about his parents, the women who had his children and even the other men who seem to be following in his footsteps. And while Iyanla said she dealt so heavily with the mothers because she knew they were raising the children, aside from that meeting with Jay on the couch, we didn’t hear too much from them.
Well, all of that changed recently when Jay’s oldest child, daughter Amina Mosley, wrote an open letter to Iyanla, sarcastically thanking her for fixing her father. In it, she explains that instead of being held accountable for his actions, Jay got to walk away from the experience a bit of a superstar, without dealing with the broken relationships with his children.
See what she had to say.
I joined my siblings on the couch as we sat across from you, and then my father entered the room. In that particular moment, it felt like seeing a ghost. I hadn’t had any contact with my Father in over a year, and I was not at all pleased to be in presence. I just could not seem to wrap my head around my father knowing exactly how to reach me and where to find me all of this time but was only willing to talk when there was a camera around. Needless to say, my guard was up, and I did not believe that anything positive could come from this show. I began to worry about my siblings feelings, my family’s reputation, and I even questioned how I could receive any healing with my Father from that conversation. I left Atlanta feeling frustrated. All of the feelings about my Father that I had long since suppressed had resurfaced, and I did not want to deal with them, so I didn’t. I tucked my feelings away as I had so effortlessly done before, out of site out of mind. That is until the first show aired.
It was as if I was listening to someone else’s story, about a family that I didn’t even know. I could not believe that this man has 34 children! I could not believe that all of these women just let him get away with this! Why didn’t he just get a vasectomy? How did he get to this point? Furthermore, How can this be “fixed”? So just like any other viewer, I tuned into the next episode, and the next, and the next. I was able to see how what he created actually looked from another perspective, and was left with one question: Who holds him accountable?
So here’s what I learned from this process; It was never about highlighting the extraordinary circumstances of my family, it was about healing and finding your inner peace. This has tested my ability to compartmentalize the feelings that I have toward my father, so that I don’t allow his mistakes to mold my decisions. I also have to be cautious as not to project my feelings onto others. I am not just the eldest of 34. Who I am and what I feel as an individual does matter. His absence in my life is not a detriment. In fact, it has actually made me stronger, and serves a greater purpose. I know that things may not ever be perfect between my father and I. I am also aware that the time has passed for him to be a Dad, but I felt that this experience would at the least open up dialogue between us, possibly even maybe one day developing a friendship. So, with that thought in mind, before I left Atlanta I took a picture with my Grandfather and my Dad just so that I could have some inspiration to hold on to.
When I look at that photo, I see a young woman standing in between two of the most important men in her life. She is happy because she knows that the man to her right loves her, provides for her, protects her and she trusts him. She knows that when she calls he will answer, and that he will always put her first. She is his first child, Daddy’s little girl And he always has her best interest at heart.
She also knows that this is not real. This photo represents a “fantasy” of the Father that she never had. The reality is that this is the first photo she has ever taken with the two of these men together at the same time.
When the story of Jay Williams and his 34 children by 17 different women aired on OWN, social media erupted with all types of judgement. Judgement for Jay and judgement for the women who dealt with him in the past and those who continue to deal with him. Iyanla said that more than anyone, she wanted to make sure the women, the mothers, were working towards healing because they were the ones who were raising the children.
So she followed up the three part series with Jay by meeting up with the women again. But this time she had other women in the audience because, as Iyanla said, over and over again, the women who had been with Jay were not all that different from us all.
If you missed the series, know that she dropped some knowledge. Here are some of the lessons we took from the episode.
“That Was Like A Message From God”: Iyanla Says Man With 34 Kids Sought Her Help After Losing His 35th Child
As we told you from the list of things we took away from Iyanla Vanzant’s work with Jay Williams, we’ve been pretty invested in following the story of this man and his 34 children by 17 different women. Turns out, so have you, because the final part of his “Fix My Life” special brought in the show’s biggest ratings since last November. Williams has received a lot of criticism for bringing so many children into the world that he knew he wouldn’t be able to be fully present for. And when Williams contacted Vanzant with his story, she told Sister2Sister that she initially didn’t want to touch it with a ten-foot-pole because she knew it would require a lot of work, more work than she could fit in 60 minutes (make that around 45 with commercials) of television.
“I wouldn’t have done the story if I only had one episode.”
But she was moved. Vanzant says that it was the loss of his 35th child that really pushed Williams to want to do better, so after working to get a multi-part special on Williams, Vanzant got to work.
“In his mind that was like a message from God that you need to look at your kids. And I think in his assessment of his children, he realized that he wasn’t having a good relationship with his children and their mothers and he wanted to do something about that.”
And even after three episodes of trying to get down to the bottom of Williams’ issues, Vanzant says there is still more work to be done. More so for the mothers who were on the show and the women who watched it at home who entertain similar drama with the men in their lives.
“What we’re doing is, I want to have a conversation with the women because that story was about Jay, and his background and his interaction with his children and his relationship with the women. But I want to understand the women. What were they looking for? How did they allow a penis to come between us? I think that’s a conversation that requires some attention because their situation is not unique either.”
Vanzant tells us that while Williams’ story was hard to hear, we should all watch the things we say about him.
“I think that when we’re on social media spewing that negative energy, that we forget that the people we’re talking about have children, have parents, have sensitivities and have issues. People aren’t on ‘Fix My Life’ because they’re living at their highest potential.”
Oprah struck a full gold mine with “Iyanla Fix My Life.” And with each season, the show gets better and better. There’s something about watching other people’s dysfunction that either, makes you see your own or makes you feel a bit better about your life. For the past three weeks, we’ve watched as Iyanla met with a man, Jay Williams, who has fathered 34 children, with 17 different women. We’ve talked about it before but now, after seeing all three parts of the mega fix, there are some things we just have to talk about.
While watching Iyanla’s Fix My Life on the Oprah Whitney Network, the thought has come across all of our minds for Iyanla to fix our own lives. If you can relate, your opportunity to appear on the hit OWN show has arrived. The series is currently casting for its upcoming season and if you are a woman dating a man whose family thinks he’s too good for you, the network wants to here from you.
Visit www.oprah.com and click Iyanla Fix My Life – Share Your Story to reach Iyanla’s team or call Casting today at 312.620.0203
Good luck ladies!
If you caught the season premiere of Iyanla: Fix My Life Saturday night on OWN you already know during the episode Iyanla Vanzant laid into Love and Hip-Hop’s Erica Jean something terrible. Questioning the logic of sleeping with a man (Saigon) who didn’t even know her address, much less having a child with him, Iyanla gave her some straight “mommy talk” which some thought was a bit too harsh. When we had the chance to chat with the life coach about the explosive confrontation, she not only stood by her words during that episode, but also her previous commentary about Black women being out of order and needing to do better when it comes to their partner and parenting choices.
Check out the interview above, as well as Iyanla’s thoughts on the #BringBackOurGirls movement and the influx of domestic violence plaguing Hollywood headlines these days.
“You Slept With A Man Who Doesn’t Know Your Address” Iyanla With Saigon And Erica Of Love And Hip Hop
If you’ve watched just one scene with Saigon and Erica from the last season of “Love and Hip Hop New York,” you know their relationship is strained to say the least. One minute they aren’t speaking to each other. The next they’re moving in together trying to work on co-parenting their son and then next thing you know he’s cussing her out, calling her all type of obscenities on one of the VH1 reunion couches. If you didn’t see it…you can watch it here. It was quite terrible.
But judging by the way their relationship began, it’s not really surprising that they find themselves here today. On the show, Saigon and Erica revealed that they weren’t really in a relationship when she got pregnant. Instead, they were sleeping with one another casually when she decided she wanted to have a baby and for one reason or another Saigon agreed. The issue, of course, is that neither one of them knew each other but they’ll be in each other’s lives forever now because of their son.
I don’t know, at this point, what they want from one another, whether they’re working toward a romantic relationship or just want to be more amicable so they can co-parent their son. Whatever it is, they called in Iyanla Vanzant to help them deal with their situation. Saigon loves to turn up for the camera, so I’m sure their episode will make for some heated exchanges. But judging by this clip, Saigon and Erica won’t be the only ones bringing the drama.
In the video below Iyanla scolds both Saigon and Erica (but mostly Erica) about the actions that led to this very messy situation they find themselves in today. Here’s the transcript.
Iyanla: This is what happens when you have a baby with somebody that you don’t have a relationship with.
Erica: He’s saying he didn’t know where I lived, it’s a lie
Iyanla: Instead of saying that, you should be saying ‘Oh my God, what have I done here.’ That’s what you should be saying.
Erica: You’re absolutely right. But he…
Iyanla: But don’t make it about him! Own your stuff little girl, own it!
Iyanla: The shame of it, the embarrassment of it, that you slept with a man who doesn’t know your address and had his baby. Own that. Now, that’s some mommy talk for you. ‘Cause as long as you pointing at him, you ain’t cleaning up your stuff.”
Take a look at the video and let us know what you think.
Do you think Iyanla was too hard on Erica? Will you tune in for this episode? Saigon and Erica’s episode, “Fix My Celebrity Parenting Nightmare” airs on Saturday, May 10 at 9pm on OWN.
Three months ago we covered an update on Erica Jean and Saigon’s relationship post-“Love and Hip-Hop New York.” As we saw on the VH1 reality show, the couple had a tumultuous relationship. Instead of allowing their drama to infiltrate co-parenting their son, Brian, the couple enlisted the help Iyanla Vanzant. Both Erica Jean and Saigon will appear in the premiere of OWN’s newest season of”Fix My Life” May 10. In the preview Saigon notes:
“Ya’ll know I couldn’t let the story end like that. Check out both sides of the story on ‘Iyanla: Fix My Life.’ This show isn’t about yelling and screaming. It’s about the facts.”
Saigon seemed especially excited to meet with the 60-year-old life coach to resolve the issues he has with Erica Jean. Their episode will debut on May 10 at 9 p.m. est.
Check out the clip of Erica Jean And Saigon On “Iyanla: Fix My Life” below. Will you be tuning in?
There certainly wasn’t enough time for Mo’Nique to even begin to sort through the issues shared between tumultuous duo Saigon and Erica Jean during the “Love & Hip Hop” reunion show taping. Thankfully, OWN star Iyanla Vanzant has decided to take the pair under her wing while helping them to resolve their issues so that they can become better co-parents to their son, Brian. Luckily for us, we get to see it all unfold on television. Saigon recently announced via Instagram that he and Erica will be appearing on the new season of “Iyanla: Fix My Life.”
“Ya’ll know I couldn’t let the story end like that,” he wrote. “Check out both sides of the story on ‘Iyanla: Fix My Life.’ This show isn’t about yelling and screaming. It’s about the facts.”
Well, if any one can get to the bottom of their drama, it’s definitely Iyanla. And Saigon seems very excited about connecting with the 60-year-old life coach. He also shared a photo of her where he thanked God for being able to encounter such a person.
“Thank God for this beautiful black “woman”… Not female, “woman.” You know, those who RESPECT themselves…She is DEF what we needed. HBO, VH1 and now Oprah Network. Follow my moves… I couldn’t write my life story if I tried.. Maybe I should.. Hmmmmm.”
We’ll certainly be tuning in to see how this story unfolds. Will you?
Most of us, if not all love us some Iyanla Vanzant. Besides her many accolades, she is a free therapist for us all via her Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) show, Fix My Life. Two weeks ago on the show, Iyanla counseled two sisters from San Antonio who had a deep rift between them. Their anger stemmed from traumatizing episodes during their teenage years. As OWN reports:
Iyanla has traveled to San Antonio to meet two sisters in crisis, Barbara and Geneva. Barbara grew up affluently with her aunt and uncle. Geneva was raised by their mother in poverty. At 17, Barbara invited her younger sister to come live with her, but a rift formed between the sisters after Barbara learned Geneva was sleeping with Barbara’s boyfriend, who fathered two of Geneva’s four children. Now, Iyanla wants to get Geneva’s side of the story. Watch as she shares a family secret with Iyanla and opens up about what her sister taught her about being a woman.
During the clip, Geneva confesses to Vanzant that Barbara’s boyfriend would fondle her and coerce her into having sexual intercourse. Despite telling her sister about the rape, Geneva stated Barbara did not believe her. As their sexual relationship progressed, the boyfriend would give gifts and money to Geneva. Unfortunately, during the clip Vanzant did not believe Geneva had been assaulted, instead she told Geneva she was “h-eing”. Her claim on Geneva’s juxtaposition was based on the belief that Geneva accepted the money and gifts from the boyfriend. Vanzant asked: “Did her boyfriend give you money to lay up with him?” When Geneva said “yes,” Vanzant looked upon her disapprovingly.
Although Vanzant is filled with tough-love, her response to Geneva was surprising. Perhaps it was because Geneva became pregnant with her first child at 14 and had two children with Barbara’s boyfriend that Vanzant was disappointed, but her reaction was read as slut-shamming by many media outlets. It seemed to be implied that because of Geneva’s history she knew what she was doing with her sister’s boyfriend. But as we also know, your sexual history should never be an example of how people can treat you. The age of Barbara’s boyfriend was not revealed but he was older than Geneva when he began to have sex with her while she was 16 years old. Geneva also claims Barbara taught her how to be a woman by only dating men who could provide financially for her. Geneva’s history has not given her a healthy perception of relationships but she should not have been accused of “h-eing” especially if she was taught a certain type of behavior in order to survive her living environment.
Check out the Fix My Life clip below. Do you think Iyanla slut shamed Geneva?