All Articles Tagged "Iyanla Fix My Life"
Most of us, if not all love us some Iyanla Vanzant. Besides her many accolades, she is a free therapist for us all via her Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) show, Fix My Life. Two weeks ago on the show, Iyanla counseled two sisters from San Antonio who had a deep rift between them. Their anger stemmed from traumatizing episodes during their teenage years. As OWN reports:
Iyanla has traveled to San Antonio to meet two sisters in crisis, Barbara and Geneva. Barbara grew up affluently with her aunt and uncle. Geneva was raised by their mother in poverty. At 17, Barbara invited her younger sister to come live with her, but a rift formed between the sisters after Barbara learned Geneva was sleeping with Barbara’s boyfriend, who fathered two of Geneva’s four children. Now, Iyanla wants to get Geneva’s side of the story. Watch as she shares a family secret with Iyanla and opens up about what her sister taught her about being a woman.
During the clip, Geneva confesses to Vanzant that Barbara’s boyfriend would fondle her and coerce her into having sexual intercourse. Despite telling her sister about the rape, Geneva stated Barbara did not believe her. As their sexual relationship progressed, the boyfriend would give gifts and money to Geneva. Unfortunately, during the clip Vanzant did not believe Geneva had been assaulted, instead she told Geneva she was “h-eing”. Her claim on Geneva’s juxtaposition was based on the belief that Geneva accepted the money and gifts from the boyfriend. Vanzant asked: “Did her boyfriend give you money to lay up with him?” When Geneva said “yes,” Vanzant looked upon her disapprovingly.
Although Vanzant is filled with tough-love, her response to Geneva was surprising. Perhaps it was because Geneva became pregnant with her first child at 14 and had two children with Barbara’s boyfriend that Vanzant was disappointed, but her reaction was read as slut-shamming by many media outlets. It seemed to be implied that because of Geneva’s history she knew what she was doing with her sister’s boyfriend. But as we also know, your sexual history should never be an example of how people can treat you. The age of Barbara’s boyfriend was not revealed but he was older than Geneva when he began to have sex with her while she was 16 years old. Geneva also claims Barbara taught her how to be a woman by only dating men who could provide financially for her. Geneva’s history has not given her a healthy perception of relationships but she should not have been accused of “h-eing” especially if she was taught a certain type of behavior in order to survive her living environment.
Check out the Fix My Life clip below. Do you think Iyanla slut shamed Geneva?
From Hello Beautiful
Each week on “Iyanla: Fix My Life” we watch Iyanla Vanzant help celebrities and everyday people overcome their personal struggles to live a better life. But, on an upcoming episode of the hit OWN series, we get a glimpse in the spiritual life coach’s personal story of survival.
In a new promo clip, Iyanla shares her experience of living through domestic violence with guest Janetria.
“After I got hit in my head with a bed slat, I woke up at three o’clock in the morning and something said to me, ‘If you don’t leave here now, he’s going to kill you,’” she said. “And I creeped out of the bed and I got a bag of clothes for each of my kids and one for me. And I left.”
“I had nowhere to go, I had no money to get there — I didn’t even care,” she continued. “But I had to be willing to lose everything to gain it all.”
Read more at HelloBeautiful.com
T.O. Says He Found Out His Childhood Neighbor Was His Estranged Dad After He Tried To Date His Sister
If you were out on the town enjoying your Saturday evening, you missed out on the season premiere of Iyanla: Fix My Life, which was a very emotional, if not heartbreaking episode with enough family secrets to make your relatives look like the Brady Bunch.
Despite all the issues folks have with Terrell Owens, it’s clear that a lot of his past behavior and controversy has a lot to do with his childhood, which was NOT a good one. After his mother gave birth to him at 17 after being impregnated by a married man much older, Owens was sent to live with his grandmother, whom he says never told him, “I love you.” And if that wasn’t enough, T.O.’s father wasn’t present in his life. While speaking with Iyanla, Owens opened up about finally meeting his father after he started having a crush on one of the girls who lived across the street from his grandmother’s house. When the two seemed to be getting too close, the father of the house, LC Russell, intervened and told him that Owens couldn’t date his daughter because she was actually his sister–and Mr. Russell was HIS father. All this happened at the age of 11.
I think anybody that was watching probably had their jaw drop at such a revelation, and eventually, Iyanla was able to get father and son together to talk, and Owens let his dad know that his heart had been broken by his absence (especially since the man lived across the street with his wife and children, but wasn’t physically there for T.O.).
“I think everything that has happened to me…I’ve been a product of my environment. I knew I wasn’t happy inside, but I always played it off. I put a smile on my face when I knew I was hurting and I was sad inside. Even in relationships that I had with women, I really didn’t know how to have a relationship with them. Those are things that I know I probably should have been taught as a kid and I never was. I guess the question I should have asked years ago was, ‘Why wasn’t I told?’ Why did it take me to have an interest in my sister, a liking to my sister, for me to know who my dad was?
For me to live across the street and know that you were my dad and know that on that side of the street you had kids, you had a wife. That was a family and I wasn’t apart of that. I couldn’t understand or wrap my brain around why I was across the street and wasn’t apart of that. My mom was elsewhere and I’m staying with my grandmother and I didn’t have a dad.”
His father, Mr. Russell, responded by saying that he just didn’t know the right time to open up to Owens:
“Sometimes waiting on the right time goes a little further than, you know waiting on that right time to tell you. That’s the way it came out. It could have been sooner. It should have been sooner.
I was married. I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. I would like to have taken him fishing or to ball games. I have two outside kids so I had to work two jobs. I worked two jobs for 19 years to take care of them.”
Iyanla went on to say that part of Owens’ struggles to be there for his four children is because of the betrayal he dealt with as a child and not knowing Mr. Russell in his life. During the follow-up at the end of the episode, Owens said that he has been more in communication with his kids and is focused on building a career outside of football, and he’s also trying to build some kind of relationship with his estranged father. Really sad stuff folks…
Check out T.O.’s confrontation with his dad and his mother as he talks about making such a terrible discovery about his parents as a kid on the next page, and share your thoughts below.
As the next season of “Iyanla Fix My Life” is set to air this Sunday, November 3, we had the opportunity to sit down one more time with Iyanla Vanzant and pick her brain about a few more things. We spoke to her about the tendency of black families to keep secrets, why black men specifically are hesitant about seeking therapy or asking for help.
And then she spoke specifically about her upcoming episode with Terrell Owens. I’ve seen the episode and I have to say that it’s a lot to process. Seeing where he comes from and what he had to endure explains a lot about the current state he currently finds himself. A lot of drama and a lot of admissions came to the surface in this episode so we asked what does she feel allowed Terrell and his family to open up. She said:
“I think Terrell, the pain he was experiencing was greater than his fear of being exposed.”
We know Iyanla works with a lot of different people with a lot of issues that have us shedding tears at home. We wondered if she ever finds that she takes the problems of her clients home with her. She said:
”Most of what I see, I’ve already healed. Because it’s only one of three things, somebody’s not feeling loved. I’ve healed that. Somebody’s not feeling heard or seen and they’re acting out. I’ve healed that. And somebody hasn’t forgiven. I do that everyday.”
Check out the entire conversation below.
Last year, we watched Iyanla: Fix My Life and had the chance to learn more about the life, the struggles, and the return of actress Maia Campbell. The former In The House star was trying to get back on her feet after battling a hard drug addiction (including crystal meth) and dealing with her own bipolar disorder. Those issues played a part in Campbell’s strained relationship with her daughter Elizabeth. But on the program, mother and daughter came together to hash things out since Elizabeth was living with her father and didn’t have a good relationship with Campbell after she lost custody. But since that episode has aired, Campbell has been doing so much better and says that she’s been staying clean for her daughter. As far as their relationship, things are improving, and she says that her daughter is interested in becoming an actress like her. Check out what she had to say in an interview with iPower Richmond 92.1′s TT Torrez:
Her Daughter’s Impact And Making A Comeback:
“I’ve made some mistakes. I had to make a turnaround in my life. This is my new expression to the world and this is my comeback and this is my moment. This is my chance to say, ‘This is what God made of me, I’m still worthy.’ If I was a one hundred dollar bill, and I was all messed up, someone would clean me up and use me. I’m still worth something!
I have a daughter now and I have to set an example. That was what got me grounded in trying to do better. I have to live my life differently. I have to change the way I was living my life. I can’t live my life so far away from the positive things that kept me rooted.”
When She Realized Her Live Was Spiraling Out Of Control:
“It was the using and the self-hatred and the arguing with my family–just running away. You’re supposed to be doing something better for yourself than just running away. I was young. It was various [drugs]. And I’ve been clean for four years, and I’ve been taking care of myself. The best thing I can do is stay working, stay on the right path and stay away from all that.”
Dealing With Negativity From Those Who Might Not Want To Work With Her Again:
“I’ve learned that there are some true believers. I have true friends everywhere and I have a true friend in God, and I have a true friend in me. So it doesn’t matter who in the flesh wants to deny me. Jesus had people who denied him. You can support your own means and say, ‘this is what I stand for.’ This is basically the statement I’m making with my life.”
Elizabeth’s Aspirations To Act:
“She wants to be an actress and she’s done some Disney commercials recently and some other acting and some videos on YouTube. She doesn’t listen to any other people as far as management. She’s listening to her father. And she doesn’t have any agent yet. She’s not exactly on a show because she hasn’t gotten the training yet. When she gets the training, she’ll probably pop onto something a little more lucrative, I’ll be proud to sit by her and support her.”
Glad to hear that things are looking up for Maia and her daughter, and hopefully we’ll see mom on TV again real soon sharing her talents. Check out her full interview on the next page and let us know what you think.
Iyanla went to Alabama to help Terrell confront issues from the past that negatively affect his current relationships, (We hope they mean the ones with his multiple baby mamas and their children.) career and his life.
During the show, Terrell reveals that he had a painful childhood where he rarely saw his mother and didn’t even know the identity of his father. By the end of the episode Terrell recognizes his negative behavior stems from the abandonment he felt as a child.
But you know Iyanla. She’s not going to allow Terrell to blame all of his indiscretions on his past. She also asks that he takes responsibility for his actions.
Check out the a preview from the episode below.
Don’t miss the return of Iyanla: Fix My Life on Saturday, November 2, at 9/8c.
If you watched the Iyanla: Fix My Life episode with DMX, I’m sure you remember how much of a handful the rapper was when Iyanla tried to connect with him, especially when she tried to have him speak with his estranged son. An opportunity to get “beloved” on the right path turned into a hot mess of an intervention that ended with DMX telling Iyanla to “shut the f**k up,” and the spiritual teacher telling him that “You never get to talk to me again, ever!”
So if she can’t fix that man, who can? Dr. Phil possibly, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. In a preview for the sit down between Dark Man X and everyone’s favorite TV psychologist, the two went back and forth about why he’s so far behind in child support, why he stays in trouble, and why he thought it was a good idea to run through a hotel with no drawls on. There are moments in the preview when DMX would laugh at his troubled past or basically act like he couldn’t be there for his children because the world “needs him.” All in all, I have a feeling this intervention is not really going to make the difference people that care about him are hoping for. Why? Because he has to be ready and willing to seek help, and as we learned from his time cussing out Iyanla Vanzant, he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong.
But what do you think? Check out the preview of his interview with Dr. Phil and share your opinion. And if you’re interested in watching it in full, their sit-down will air tomorrow (Wednesday, September 25) on CBS.
If the scene in the photo above looks familiar, there’s a couple reasons why that’s so. For one, it’s the second time this year that we’re seeing DMX with a professional therapist who is going to help him work through his many, many issues. And two, well he’s doing it in the same damn shirt.
As soon as I saw this pic, I thought, wait a minute, something looks familiar. And then I remembered, this is the same flannel shirt DMX wore when he appeared on “Iyanla: Fix My Life” and the life coach famously told him he doesn’t get to speak to her eva again in life. See?
Perhaps this is DMX’s intervention shirt, but if his session with Dr. Phil goes anything like the one with Iyanla Vanzant, both Phil McGraw and his audience are going to be in for a rude awakening. We found out last week that DMX was going to appear on yet another of Oprah’s protege’s shows after his little nekkid incident inside of Detroit hotel room earlier this year and today pics of their meeting popped up on Twitter. X certainly looks more pleasant than he did with Iyanla, but so far all we have is this photo to come from.
The fact that DMX is appearing on this show suggesta the rapper is clearly still fighting a losing battle with his many demons, including a drug addiction, addiction to women, and most of all unhealed wounds from the lack of his mother’s love as a child. Let’s hope Dr. Phil will be able to get through to X in a way Iyanla wasn’t. Are you hopeful?
From the outside looking in, there are probably numerous reasons any one of us could find to explain why many people just weren’t checking for OWN in the beginning, and why 2012 was such a bad year for the network. But if your reason is that the shows first featured were a little too…well, boring, you’d be surprised to know that Oprah Winfrey agrees with you. In an interview with New York Magazine, Lady O talked about the ups and downs of her network, and how you won’t find any of her programs showing black women jumping on tables, cursing each other out and acting a fool, no matter how big the network gets.
Why she knew she had to change the programming:
“I have a tendency to look at everything from the point of view of: What is going to be meaningful, and uplift people? That can become too stoic and too serious—which is the same issue I suffered with at the magazine in the beginning. It needed more humor. So we [began] looking for lighter fare. Welcome to Sweetie Pie’s works. Iyanla: Fix My Life was also a turning point. Having programming that was in alignment with the vision but also left the space to widen the lane for the vision. If it were up to me, I’d be doing [Winfrey’s Sunday talk show] Super Soul Sunday conversations all the time.
I’m interested in doing no harm. Before, it was always, I’ve got to uplift as well as entertain. And now I can look at a thing and say, “What harm does it do?” And harm is not just violence and calling people b***hes. It’s the tone of things. The role that I see myself serving is to put a mirror up to people’s lives by allowing them to see, through the storytelling that we do, their lives through other people. You can see somebody’s sorrows, but also their triumphs, and be lifted by that. You have to be responsible for the energy you’re putting out into the world. There are a lot of people, particularly in this business, who don’t give two poops about it. I’ve sat at those mogul jamborees—all the big muckety-mucks in a room, the bastions of media. And I’ve asked the question, “Where is your moral compass?” Not a lot of people are thinking about that, but I feel a responsibility to it. To whom much is given, much is expected.”
How involved she is in hearing new show ideas and pitches:
“Oh, yeah. Usually, it’s six people sitting in a room, and they’re coming to me with ideas. And they have what they call a “sizzle”—one to three minutes on whatever’s being proposed. And sometimes I don’t make it to three minutes. You just go, “Never mind, not going to do that!” Because the energy’s off. So I’ve let go of, [in singsong voice] “Everything has to be meaningful, you have to lift people up.” But the energy of it has to be on point. I do not want to put energy out into the world that is going to cause people to feel negativity. I just don’t.”
Why you won’t find foolery on her network:
“I don’t watch a lot of television because I spend so much time having to screen things for OWN, as I was doing all this morning. But what I see, I don’t see that as a real reflection of people’s lives. Is everybody walking around calling each other names and behaving that way? I don’t think so. We’re getting ready to do this show called Crazy. S*xy. Life. And it’s about these four black women in New York. They’re all professional women, and they actually like each other. So they’re not calling each other b***hes and ho’s all the time. They’re not standing on tables and throwing water in people’s faces. And [yet], it’s fun. It’s fun, it’s humorous, but it also has heart and some depth and meaning.
What I’m really, really, really, really conscious of is the commonality in the human experience. If women in Brooklyn are experiencing their feelings about their jobs and their husbands and going back to work, they’re doing the same thing in Boston, and all over the country. The commonality in the human experience is the same. We have the same sorrows, and the same triumphs. Joy is joy is joy. I mean, that’s why you cry over a Hallmark commercial. Because you’ve felt that yourself. I’ve been talking to [the producers of Crazy. S*xy. Life] about what is really real, what is the truth, how are women really living? Instead of this exaggerated experience that I think is often created for reality TV.”
Right now, if you google “Terrell Owens on ‘Iyanla Fix My Life’” you’ll find a list of articles detailing the athletes who need to appear on her show. Well, they put it into the universe. Because according to Owens himself, he’s set to appear on Iyanla’s show soon. He tweeted this about the experience:
— Terrell Owens (@terrellowens) August 29, 2013
Been an emotional yet insightful day. After 39 yrs I’m learning who Terrell Owens really is. All this time I thought I knew. @IyanlaVanzant
— Terrell Owens (@terrellowens) August 30, 2013
As you know Terrell Owens’ life has been in a state of disarray. Last year, right when he was set to sign a $1 million dollar contract for a year he was cut from the Seattle Seahawks. And when his money got funny, his bevy of baby mamas laid him out on Dr. Phil talking about how not only was he not providing financially, he was not present in the lives of his children. It was pretty sad actually. The brotha seemed to epitomize the essence of Michael Jackson’s song from The Wiz: “You Can’t Win.” But hopefully if Owens is taking the time to sit with Iyanla maybe he’s serious about getting his life together.
It’ll be interesting to see what comes of this.
No word yet on when this will air but we’ll keep you posted.