All Articles Tagged "interracial dating"
Luke James’ star is rising. And naturally, when an R&B singer sits down for interviews, folks want to know if he’s serenading a woman at home in addition to the hundreds and thousands of screaming fans. We’re nosy you know what it is.
And while I can’t recall Luke James ever speaking publicly about any type of romantic involvement, Sunday was the day he revealed all.
Yesterday, he tweeted this picture of a woman in a bed on Twitter with the following caption:
Some fans were all about it, congratulating Luke on being real about his relationship status with Kim Gringas the Beyoncé backup dancer. But other people didn’t take so kindly to the news. Y’all know how some people can be. There was also plenty of shade and slander surrounding the relationship with Kim because as you can see, she’s white, French actually.
So Luke deleted it. And posted this message.
And then his fans scolded him for allowing the haters to make him delete the original post and deny his booship.
Luke agreed and re-posted the picture with the following caption.
I’m with it. There’s no reason to hide. While I understand that he wants to protect his Kim from the hatred, it shouldn’t stop him from sharing his love if that’s what he feels so inclined to do.
It certainly hasn’t stopped Kim. She’s been sharing pictures of the two of them together for some time now, as far back as 5 months.
Check out a couple of pics of the couple on the next page.
What do you think about Luke and Kim? But more importantly what do you think about the negative reaction he received for presumably dating a white woman as a black man? Be honest, do you feel some type of way?
By Danielle Page For Your Tango
These statements are real, and they are ridiculous.
Q: What’s the best thing to say to someone who’s in an interracial relationship?
A: Nothing that you wouldn’t say to someone who’s dating within their race.
You’d think it would be obvious, but alas, people can say some pretty stupid things when it comes to interracial dating and relationships. Read on for some common things people hear when they’re in an interracial relationship (that they really could do without).
What do your parents think?!
“People ask my daughter, ‘have you always had a thing for Asian (or black, etc.) men?’ ‘What do your parents think?’ ‘Are you worried how the kids will look?’” – Dana, 54
I was in an interracial relationship once…
“One thing I get a lot of is women who want to tell me all about the black boyfriend they had in college whom their parents made them break up with. Another thing we both get is, ‘You must be so proud of Barack Obama!’ Why? He’s not OUR bi-racial child.” – Alina, 44
To read more about the insane things some people have to say about interracial dating visit Your Tango.
So Earnest Baker wrote an article on Gawker about interracial dating last week and proceeded to put his foot all the way in his mouth. See that’s the real reality of dating white women when you’re black: often times you’re going to end up putting your foot in your mouth.
The article started out in the right place. He explained why he found himself dating white women and why he continued throughout his youth even when other options were available. And I think there’s a good point here, people shouldn’t force themselves to date anyone. That’s not what we want to do. The other day I heard a woman say she struggles to find Jewish men on dating sites and doesn’t prefer JDate because those are more traditional Jewish men than she’s used to dating. I felt a certain way about this article because I thought to myself, “Did she really just say she only dates Jewish men? Is there something wrong with everyone else? What gives her the right?” The truth is, yes, she would prefer to only date Jewish men.And no there isn’t anything wrong with everyone else. It’s a preference she’s entitled to have.
The problem Ernest encounters is later in his article he starts to rationalize his preference in relation to other women. He make statements that are offensive in nature and go against the idea that love isn’t built on how someone looks, the color of their skin, their hair color or texture, or anything of that nature. Love is built on the feelings you build with someone on the inside, yours and theirs.
The real reality of conversations about dating white women as a black man is the conversation should be about why you love your woman, not why you don’t love the women you aren’t with. It’s not about why you feel Black women don’t find you attractive. It’s not their fault. The only person responsible for who you date is who you met, fell in love with, and choose to explore companionship with.
Let me tell you another thing about the article that’s troubling, it’s not necessary. I can tell you that the majority of Black women do not care who you date. The overwhelming majority are, frankly, over it. Will you encounter people who inquire why you’re with a white woman instead of a black woman? Yes, but you don’t have to engage in that conversation. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your love life. I can tell you from personal experience, there’s no value in a conversation with someone you are not dating about who you are dating. None.
Another nail in the coffin that was Ernest’s expose was his decision to pick at scabs and wounds that haven’t fully healed. Trust me, America does not need a reminder of O.J. Simpson’s relationship with Nicole Brown. As we celebrated a Black man not being screwed over by the judicial process, we neglected the timing of the relationship and what it meant for interracial dating. It pushed us as a society in ways that we might not have been ready. For as many people who didn’t want a man who was “innocent until priven guilty” to go to prison. I wouldn’t be surprised if some women were thinking, “I really don’t care for the most part because O.J. shouldn’t have been with a white woman.” Whether you feel they have a point or not, it’s just not a wound worth picking at.
Lastly, the point the writer makes about not having to care what people have to say or feel about his relationship is a little too profane. It’s always important to consider someone’s feelings, even when we don’t think they are validated. Ernest neglects the damage that’s been done over the years. There are Black women who are dealing with residual issues from Black men who have chosen to date outside of their race for the wrong reasons. Rather than not giving a f*** about their opinion, the point can be made that you chose to date who you date for the person they are on the inside, not the color of her skin.
Personally, I don’t have any issue with people who date outside their race or people who think that they would only work well with someone inside their race. That’s their personal choice. I do, however, think it’s important people do things for the right reasons. Your relationship is your relationship and you really don’t have to explain that to anyone. If you want to show someone the real reality of dating white women when you’re a black man, let it show in the love and admiration that you have for the woman you are dating. Not some explanation of why you ended up dating white women instead of black women.
I don’t know exactly when or why this happened but I’m sure you’ve noticed that within the last, maybe, 5 years, there has been an influx of discussions about black women dating outside of their race. Truthfully, the conversation has always annoyed me. Mostly because I understand that true love shouldn’t have to abide by trends and instructions but also because I never knew black women didn’t have this option to begin with. No one ever told me that I couldn’t date outside of my race, so I didn’t understand why I along with the millions of other single black women had be granted permission, over and over and over again.
But anyway, it’s a thing. And it doesn’t seem to be showing any signs of slowing down. Our own company Moguldom Films produced a whole documentary on the topic.
And in Wednesday’s Metro NY, the conversation continued. Since, according to relationship experts, the whole interracial dating phenomena is so “new,” it must come with rules of conduct. In the paper, Twanna Hines, aka Funky Brown Chick, wrote “Tips for Picking Up Brown-Skinned Women.”
You can read the whole article in the link above but the tips include things like “be honest,” don’t say things like “I’ve always loved looking at black women,” and “treat the object of your affection like a human being.”
The advice just made me sad. I mean, I understand that the intention might have been to shed some real light on what it’s like to date a black woman for people who may be too intimidated to take that step but it just came off as a lesson to someone who didn’t even know how to be a decent person. And if you don’t know how to be considerate and respectful then you shouldn’t dating any woman, black or otherwise.
Some will argue that Hines was attempting to illustrate the fact that black women are no different than dating other women. But even that is equally sad. The fact that we’re still seen as so exotic, so foreign that someone would have to tell people not to rattle off stereotypes on your date and treat her, this black woman, as a human being is terrifying and heart breaking at the same time.
At best, this article was written in jest to point the finger at some of the ridiculous behavior Hines has witnessed or heard tell of from black women who’ve dated interracially. But even that best case scenario is pretty terrible. At worst, she believes men who would treat black women like fetish fulfillments are worthy of our consideration, time, attention and affection.
You can read most of the article in the picture above and the whole thing here.
What do you think about this article?
Interracial dating is one of those touchy subjects people tend to tip-toe around for fear of offending someone, but not Moguldom Studios, which is gearing up to release a new docutainment film exploring just that, titled “The Swirl.” According to a news release:
The Swirl tackles societal and cultural issues relating to interracial dating, asking the question; is it the new trend or still taboo? There was a time when interracial dating was a taboo practice that could lead to physical harm or even death. Today it seems to be of greater acceptance as with celebrity power couples Kanye West and Kim Kardashian or Ice-T and Coco. The Swirl takes a comedic look at this serious topic by digging into the cultural shift in attitudes around interracial relationships. The Swirl unveils the real-life conversations folks are having in the shadows on the subject that has finally been brought to light in this enlightening and entertaining documentary. Speaking to men and women on both sides of the debate, the feature length documentary delivers honest and hilarious dialogue on interracial dating by comedians such as Esther Ku, Rodney Perry, and Reggie Jackson. The film dares viewers to take a hard look at their own perceptions. Through in-depth interviews, expert commentary, comedic conjecture and surprising statistical data, the film covers everything from self-hate and racism to the concept of love being colorblind.
“The Swirl” will be released on May 27, 2014, with the DVD and digital download available for purchase on Amazon.com, Google Play, iTunes and moguldomstudios.com, but for now check out the trailer below and tell us what you think. Will you be purchasing “The Swirl”? If you like this trailer, make sure you check out Moguldom Studios’ first documentary, “A Genius Leaves The Hood, The Unauthorized Story of Jay Z” which is now available in physical DVD form on Amazon.
Somewhere along the way, MadameNoire got the reputation of being the Black Women’s website that promotes interracial dating and marriage and all that. Perhaps it was because of articles like this one. Whatever the case, I feel the need to say that while we believe you should keep your options open when it comes to finding love, you shouldn’t begin your quest with skin tone or racial and ethnic modifiers. And personally, I, Veronica, believe that while black men are flawed like all men, you’ll never catch me out here denouncing all of them. There are enough people outside of our race who do that already. I would think the universal truth that characteristics that make a good partner are not predicated by race and ethnicity is understood by all. But apparently, it’s really not because Dr. Nazaree Hines-Starr, a full time pharmacist and author, recently published a book called Why Every Black Woman Should Marry A Jewish Man.
Yes ya’ll, every black woman. Before I even begin to dissect the problematic nature of such a premise, let me just share a bit of Hines-Starr’s background and the reasoning she shares for dating and marrying a Jewish man.
All throughout college, graduate school and all of her twenties Hines-Starr, a black woman, dated only black men who shared her religious background. And after that all she had to show for it were a group of men she placed in what she calls the “Scumbag Files.” But Hines-Starr did not give up on love. Instead, she went to the internet and joined an interracial dating site called AfroRomance.com. Let’s pause right here for a minute. I can understand, perhaps, why a black woman would be drawn to a site called Afro Romance but I’m a little perplexed as to why people of other ethnicities would go there unless they’re trying to fulfill some type of chocolate fantasy. But that’s just me. Admittedly, I’m a bit paranoid about such things.
Anyway, looking at the site, I’m guessing Hines-Starr selected “white” for her preferred race and it wasn’t long before she met “Michael, a professional, never-married Jewish man who was two years her junior.”
And apparently, Hines-Starr believes you can do the same. In fact, the way the world is set up right now, you might not even have a choice. She provides the following statistics: “According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there were 1.8 million more black women than black men in 2000, and that number has not improved since then. That means that if every black man in America married a black woman today, many women hoping to marry a black man would not make it down the aisle.”
And then, according to a press release Hines-Starr lists reasons why Jewish men are the new hotness for black women.
- They are the perfect Alpha Male.
- Many African American men and non-Jewish men fall short in the romance department
-Jewish men open wide instead of down low (Is that a sexual innuendo I failed to grasp?)
- Jewish men are not looking for someone to take care of them
- Jewish men attend and graduate college
- Jewish men at least attempt to marry before making babies
-Jewish men are great with financial planning and stability
- Jewish men don’t take everything as a challenge to their masculinity
-Jewish men are often raised with traditional gender roles where the men seek to take care of the women.
That’s enough. Do you see the problems here? Hines-Starr successfully manages to stereotype two groups simultaneously. On the one hand she dogs out black men, calling them unromantic, uneducated, uncommitted and unstable all while lauding not only her Jewish man but all Jewish men above the rest. I think somewhere along the way, people lost sight of the fact that just because a stereotype is positive, it’s still a stereotype. When you reduce people down to a few characteristics, it robs them of their humanity, which is complex.
I wonder if it ever occurred to Hines-Starr that while there are certain culture attitudes that are passed down from generation to generation, the emphasis on education, family and financial security are not just things the Jewish community cares about.
I wonder if in regard to her own dating history if she ever considered the fact that it wasn’t that the men she dated were scumbags because they were all black but because they were just scumbags. And furthermore, since this synopsis seems to present her as blameless in her own dating history, I wonder if she ever stopped to ask herself why she kept attracting and then tolerating scumbags?
I know that since there are far too many, black men berating and degrading black women, some of you will argue that she’s just looking out for numero uno, giving them a taste of their own medicine, trying not to be left behind as she pledges allegiance to black men and black men alone. And I get that. I’m not saying limit your options. If you can, of course you should be open to love regardless of the package it comes in. I just hope black people, men and women alike, haven’t reduced the phenomenon of finding love into some type of calculated trip to the market where you pass up the brand you’ve known and grown up with in favor of something new and exotic.
If you’re familiar with the show “What Would You Do?” You know they put people in tight, yet realistic situations that test people’s moral fiber. And even have you asking yourself what you would have done in the same situation. In one of the latest episodes, an actress “Rachel” is pretending to be a stylist in the popular Harlem barber shop Denny Moe’s. She’s giving eyes to one of the male customers, a black guy, when all of a sudden his white girlfriend walks in. And instead of playing cool or sucking her teeth and rolling her eyes on the low she begins to question the black man for his choice and out and out disrespect the white girl in the place. I mean, she goes in.
Take a look at the video to see how the women and men in the shop respond in this scenario. And then ask yourself–though you could never know until you’re in it–what would you have done in this situation?
“It’s A Reflection Of Reality:” Malcolm D. Lee Explains Why He Put Jordan With A White Boy In “The Best Man Holiday”
We’re pretty sure Harper Stewart wasn’t the only one surprised to see Jordan with a white boy in the upcoming film, “The Best Man Holiday.” In previews for “The Best Man” sequel we find out Nia Long’s character Jordan has been “playing in the snow,” as Quentin put it in the film, and when we attended the press junket for the movie in LA, we chatted with director Malcolm D. Lee about why chose to take her story line in that direction.
Speaking on Jordan’s go-getter attitude toward her career and the fact that love has always taken a backseat in her life, he said:
“African American women who are extremely successful can’t always find black male counterparts on that level so it’s a little bit of a reflection of reality that black women are starting to date outside their race — and why not?”
Lee also spoke on his ability to incorporate spirituality into both “Best Man” movies without beating people over the head with a message and what he thinks about the current climate of black films. Check out what he had to say about that and more in the video below.
The rate of interracial marriages in the U.S. has doubled in the past 30 years, but according to online dating habits, Americans are still racially polarized when it comes to dating people of different races.
University of California at San Diego sociologist Kevin Lewis analyzed messages sent by more than 126,000 OkCupid users over a two-and-a-half month period in order to examine how racial prejudice affects romantic decisions. Including heterosexual interactions between users who self-identified with the site’s five largest racial categories (Black, White, East Asian, Hispanic/Latino and Indian), he found that people from all racial backgrounds disproportionately contacted users from the same racial background.
But here’s an interesting twist, people were more open to reply to a user of a different race than they were to initiate the contact. “And right after they did so, for about a week, they were more likely to start a conversation with someone of another race,” reports Popular Science.
OkCupid has been looking at the issue since 2009 when, on its OkTrends blog, it detailed the prevalence of racial prejudice on its own service. White males get the most responses to their messages of any other group, and white, Asian and Hispanic women reply to non-white men less than a quarter of the time, according to the site’s own data.
Most recently, Lewis found similar trends: “Most men (except black men) are unlikely to initiate contact with black women, all men (including Asian men) are unlikely to reply to Asian women, and although women from all racial backgrounds tend to initiate contact with men from the same background, women from all racial backgrounds also disproportionately reply to white men.”
According to Lewis, one factor in online dating’s racial segregation could be what he calls preemptive discrimination.
“In other words, part of the reason site users, and especially minority site users, do not express interest in individuals from a different racial background is because they anticipate — based on a lifetime of experiences with racism — that individuals from a different background will not be interested in them,” he said.
And, this could be why people are more apt to reply to users of another race than message them first. Obviously the person is interested in them if they receive a message.