All Articles Tagged "interracial dating"
From The Grio
Rapper and actress Eve recently made headlines for her comments about wanting her future children with her Caucasian boyfriend Maximillion Cooper to be raised “colorblind,” which were met with some criticism from fans and critics online. “I don’t want them to see color. I never did,” said 34-year-old Philly native said in an interview with Vibe Vixen. “I grew up in the hood and my mother was very good at it not being a black thing, even though I grew up around all black people. I want them to want to know everything about all kinds of races.”
The emcee, whose new album Lip Lock is in stores now, clarified her “colorblind” statement in a video interview with theGrio, saying she’s surprised that the topic of interracial dating is even relevant to the public anymore.
Read more at TheGrio.com.
My man keeps calling me a “n***er b***h” during sex and I hate it.
I have been married for a year and I am at my wit’s end. My investment banker husband is from a White old money family. I am a first generation Black-American woman whose family is from the island of Jamaica. We met at a reunion for the ivy league school we both attended, and he proposed in six months.
We have the picture perfect fantasy life. He wines and dines me and we travel and shop the globe. Unlike all of the Black men I dated in the past, my husband is generous, loyal, committed and considerate. He courted me and I never have to pay for anything. He said I could quit my job and I did. He makes me feel like a woman.
I am a little embarrassed to share our problem. The first time he let the n-word drop was during sex on our honeymoon. When I reacted negatively, he explained that a Black woman he dated in the past enjoyed being called racial slurs. Another time he joked that he had purchased my freedom. He also speculated about whether his family could have owned mine because I have “good hair.” Then he made jokes about my pubic hair. He called it my “negro bush” and referred to himself as a “n***er lover.” He says I am being overly sensitive because he loves me to death and should get a “Black pass” for marrying me.
I told him that I don’t appreciate these comments and he says that my friends and family probably use the n-word all the time. He also asked why Black people can use the word and he cannot. I don’t use the word or believe in the n***a/n***er differentiation. Neither does my family. I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about this because I know they might say: “That’s what she gets for marrying a White man.”
Continue reading this letter at Essence.com.
Stubbornness, immaturity, constant arguing, jealousy— they’re all signs of a teenage love. Insert a black girl from Brooklyn and white guy from New Jersey, and you’ve got a young interracial couple struggling to find balance in a society still far from being colorblind.
Growing up in a conventional two parent household in Westwood, New Jersey, Paul, 19, describes his life as stereotypical. His family is upper middle class; he drives a Mercedes-Benz, having only had one girlfriend before his current relationship, often the girls he’s been attracted to he refers to as “stuck-up.”
He believes the biggest obstacle he and his girlfriend, Corrine, 20, face in their relationship of a couple of months is a difference in their upbringings, not race.
“It’s not so much a black [or] white thing, but that we’re from different areas. She’s from an urban area and I’m from a suburban area,” he says, with his arm resting on the couch behind Corrine. The three of us sat in his spaciously furnished living room of the Queens house he rents with nine other guys. A black curtain hanging from the doorway, separating us from the den area one of his housemates turned into bedroom.
Starting out from an upper middle class family in East Flatbush Brooklyn, Corrine briefly dated multiple guys from different ethnicities and cultures— from a dope boy to a future Olympian— she’s interacted with most.
A month after their first encounter in the car of a mutual friend, the two often ran into each other in the athletic study hall of St. John’s University. They quickly entered a relationship, after spending hours a day together doing school work, both not knowing much about the other. She has only had one relationship prior to meeting Paul. Since then, they have constantly clashed over race and culturally sensitive issues. Corrine says she has had to inform him that comments he has made often offended her.
“[He would say] I’ll act ‘ethnic’ or I’ll act ‘black’ or I’ll act like I’m from Brooklyn. Oh, this is my favorite one— ‘you’re acting like a ghetto black girl from Brooklyn,’” she sarcastically says. “It used to make me so mad, until one day I finally had to let him know, he can’t say things like that because it sounds offensive coming from [him].”
Paul interrupted her, “Coming from me? So what if it came from a black a person?”
“It’s still offensive,” she says.
Paul believes such is an example of being from different areas, saying that one night after a Chinese restaurant messed up Corrine’s order; she called the place demanding the rest of her food after failing to soothe her anger.
According to the National Healthy Resource Center, interracial relationships are most common among the middle class, among those with higher education. College increases individuals exposure to other races/ethnicities and the idea of intermarriages.
Unlike Corrine who has been attracted to guys of different ethnicities. Paul didn’t develop an attraction for black women until college. She often worries about being too ethnic, debating one night while dressing if she should get braids because Paul doesn’t like them.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months but have known each other for more than two years. I am black and he is white. This has never been a problem and our parents, families, and friends are fully supportive of our relationship. Amazingly, we have had precious few arguments or problems. Until now. In a moment of extreme frustration, my boyfriend used the “N-word” in reference to one of my friends. We were alone so no one else heard the comment. I was stunned, shocked, and appalled. I immediately left the room because I was so disturbed. It is a word that neither I nor my family or friends use in any sort of context because I have been raised to view it as incredibly offensive. He came to me and apologized profusely and had tears in his eyes while doing so. I accepted his apology because it was completely out of character for him, but I am now questioning our relationship. What do you think?- Unspeakable
In her advice to Unspeakable, Prudence suggest that despite her acceptance of his apology, she is not quite over his use of the N-word. However, since she cares for the man, which is evident by her not breaking up with him instantly, Prudence says that she must re-raise the issue with the boyfriend, giving him a chance to better explain his reasoning for using such derogatory language and give herself time to not only gauge his sincerity, but determine if she can fully accept his apology and move on.
Full disclaimer: Date whomever you want to date – not that you were looking for my permission, but I mean this sincerely. I am past that point in my life where I give two craps about what anyone does sexually. However, this situation, right here, is probably my biggest personal hang-up on interracial dating: what to do when your significant other says, or God-forbid does, something racist. And it wouldn’t have to be something awful like the N-word. It could be something casually racist like calling things “ghetto” or assuming that I would want a slice of watermelon. I can see this creating a whirlwind of confusion and hostility inside of me. With that said, I can imagine the pain the letter writer in this situation must be feeling right now. Not only would I be filled with self-doubt, particularly trying to work through what made him feel comfortable enough to drop the N-word around me, but also trying to figure out why hadn’t I noticed it sooner. Two years is a long time to devote to someone, only to find out that your man is a bit of a racist.
And in case she had any doubt, let me clear it up: your boyfriend is a racist – or at the very least, has anger management issues. No way should he be THAT “frustrated” at your friend that he is dropping N-bombs, especially behind your friends back (and I do assume this “friend” is male?). And as Chauncey Devegas, of We Are Respectable Negros writes of this Dear Prudence letter:
“On these matters, my decision-rule is a simple one. People are what they do. People who say racist things are racists. People who say homophobic things are anti-gay. People who say sexist things are sexist. Of course, there are ranges of behavior here. A person who calls someone a N-Word, and is then apologetic about it, is a different type of racist than someone who holds a K.K.K.K.Klan card. However, both party’s attitudes and beliefs flow from the same fetid waters. In many ways, the latter is simply more honest and direct than the former about what is a basic disrespect towards the humanity and dignity of black and brown people.”
A few days after September 11th, one of my best girlfriends called me and told me about how she had been pulled over in her car by police for no reason. Nothing unusual about that. However, this story takes a weird turn when she shares that one of the cops started asking her about her “head scarf” in her driver’s license picture. All of a sudden, they wanted to know about her Islamic background and her land of “origin.” I was beyond shocked. This was not some hillbilly town in East Jablip of America. This is Philadelphia, a city where a very significant portion of the black and brown population in the city practice within the Islamic faith. We don’t get down like that. And that’s what I told the guy I was dating at the time.
He smirked, rolled his eyes and said, “Good I’m glad they searched her. They need to send all them bean pie eating terrorists back to the middle east.” If I was shocked before, I was totally rendered speechless then. Here is someone, who I had been with for a good year and who had spent significant time around my good girlfriend before. As far as I was concerned, there was nothing about him, which gave me any indication that he had problems with Muslims. Worse, even after I told him how disrespectful, offensive and ignorant his comments were, he had the nerve to double down on his xenophobia.
I officially broke up with him after that conversation. And while his anti-Muslim hatred wasn’t the full reason, that incident definitely helped me to see this guy in a new light. The events of Sept. 11, 2001 were horrible. And the blatant ignorance and hatred, which spawned from such tragic events is also shameful. And I didn’t want any parts of that. Besides, my best girlfriend is like family to me, and her faith is a pretty big part of her. Therefore, if I had to choose between my boyfriend and my best friend, well, bye hater.
There is also something that needs to be said about boundaries and why it is important to not only define them, but follow through with them. I’m not going to say whether or not the letter-writer should leave her boyfriend of two years, but I will say that if she believes his apology to be sincere and decides to continue on with the relationship, she better make it clear that there will be no more N-bombs dropping out of his mouth. I don’t care if we are at a concert together, and Trinidad James hands my white boyfriend the microphone, and personally invites him to sing all the lyrics to “All Gold Everything.” He better stick to the radio edit.
But she should also consider the very real possibility that whatever bigotry he harbors will likely always be simmering beneath the surface. And generally, people don’t always monitor their mouths too closely, especially if there is alcohol involved. The last thing you want is for your racist significant other to go blurt out the “N-Word” at a public event such as a family barbecue. Now, you’re in the uncomfortable position of trying to not only ask for some understanding, but calm the nerves of those family members, who don’t give a hot damn about understanding. And now everybody starts treating you like Sandra Bullock…
So what do you think: Could you be an Edith to some man’s Archie Bunker?
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Yesterday we unveiled our new series “I Always Wanted To Ask,” which garnered a lot of mixed reviews. Most people stopped dead in their tracks at the thought of being questioned about being jealous of a white woman but there was a lot of dialogue you missed between Madame Noire and the ladies of The Frisky.
Check out the extended cut of episode 1 in which we talk about interracial dating from the perspective of those who’ve actually had that experience. Watch as we delve into everything from assumed stank eyes, exoticism, and sexual myths about not just Black and White women, but also Black and White men. Enjoy!
KEEP THE DISCUSSION GOING WITH MORE EPISODES OF I ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH!
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
If there’s any topic that gets Black women riled up it’s interracial dating. Though most of us have tucked our reactions into the “I don’t care pile,” a number of us are still known for having a bit of a ‘tude when we see a White woman on a Black man’s arm. But why? Are we jealous? Do we think the chosen White woman sees herself as some kind of trophy? Do we want Black men all to ourselves? These are the types of assumptions that are being made on all sides of the coin, so why not get to the bottom of these misconceptions and address them as best we can? That’s what we did in our new series, “I Always Wanted To Ask.”
Yesterday, we gave you an intro to the series and some background info on the ladies whose opinions are included. Now it’s time to delve into the convo. This is “I Always Wanted To Ask:” Interracial Dating.
KEEP THE DISCUSSION GOING WITH MORE EPISODES OF I ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH!
‘It’s Weird For Me That I’m With A White Dude:’ Eve Talks Doing Weave 101 With Her Boo And Dodging The Bullet Known As Stevie J
Eve has not been on the radar quite as much as she used to be, partly because she’s found love and skipped town. According to Necolebitchie.com, the 34-year-old rapper and actress has moved to London with boyfriend of three years, Maximillion Cooper, who just so happens to be White. Her move to the UK does not stop her from coming back to the States and visiting from time to time. Yesterday, during her visit to New York the Barbershop actress opened up about her relationship in a very interesting interview with Hot97‘s Angie Martinez. She discussed some of the backlash she received over dating interracially, her love for Black men, and the train-wreck known as Stevie J. Check out what she had to say.
On the backlash she’s received over her interracial relationship
I need them to stop. What year is it? Like, stop. Seriously. Trust me, I gotta say, it is weird for me that I’m with a white dude. Trust me. I look at him sometimes and I’m like, ‘You are so white.’ Seriously! Yes, I gotta be real like that. I’m the first black girl he’s ever been with, so we are learning. Trust me, he’s been through ‘Weave 101.’ I’ve been out on a date but not like this, not like my dude. I had to tell my mom and my step-dad who still thinks he follows Farrakhan. It’s crazy. We learn a lot about each other but people came at me like, ‘I can’t believe you’re dating a white dude and you don’t like black dudes no more.’ I’m like, ‘I love black men, it just so happens that my heart went this way right now.’ Who knows? I’m happy…My family’s happy. [My pops] is cool. He still keeps calling him ‘my friend.’ [He says], ‘How’s your friend?’ Like, it’s been almost three years.
On loving Black men
People came at me. Now it’s better, like when I started sending pictures or people started seeing pictures on Twitter, people really came at me hard, but now it’s fine. Like I said, I do look at him like, I can’t believe I’m with a white dude. I don’t let him dance. I tell him, ‘Look like a pimp, I will dance around you.’ He can do a lot of things, but he can’t dance.
On Stevie J and Love & Hip Hop Atlanta
I have not seen it, I’ve never watched it. I cannot allow myself but trust me, people give me updates. I was young and dumb. The first person that said something to me was my mother, she text me and said, ‘You dodged a bullet with that one’ and we’ve never talked about it again.
Eve’s mom was dead on. The rapper certainly has dodged a major bullet and what’s even better is she’s found happiness and love with someone else.
Jazmine Denise is a writer living in New York. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise
While interracial relationships are not nearly as uncommon as they once were, we’d be lying if we said that the dating and marriage histories of some of the nation’s most outspoken black social activists didn’t come as a surprise to us. Let’s take a gander at socially and politically active black men who dated outside of their race.
I dated mostly white men in my younger years. I attended predominately white schools during those years and I had a lot of white friends, so relationships with white men developed as a result. I grew up in a single-parent household where husband and wife roles were non-existent. Thankfully it didn’t matter because white men showed me what I needed to know about love, commitment, and romance.
When I was finally old enough to date I went out with the first of many white boys. He held all the doors open, treated me like a lady, and paid for dinner. We discussed a variety of topics and he seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say (a rare find in the dating pool of the late ’90s). We didn’t date long, considering we were young and in school, but he set the precedent for all of my interracial relationships.
After dating more of these men I noticed a trend: All of my relationships with white men involved partners who took me out on actual dates, openly confessed their commitments to me, and tossed around the idea of marriage. My positive experiences with white men were stark contrasts to some of my female counterparts’ troubles with black men. They constantly complained of the black men they encountered, but even still, I wanted to find out for myself if there was any validity in their concerns.
I always found black men very attractive yet I hadn’t really dated any (and not because I didn’t want to). I considered myself an open-minded individual so I knew that my dating options needed to widen. Despite the negative comments I heard from a few friends, I started dating both black and white men in the quest to find the right partner for me. Unfortunately, that journey left me with a combination of confusion and criticisms of my own.
Immediately, I noticed differences in my dealings with black men compared to the white men I previously dated. For instance, the black men I met immediately requested visits to my place. Whenever I suggested going on an actual date some either wanted to go dutch or they politely declined. Sadly, their idea of a good time was watching television at my house while eating all of my food. If I hadn’t started out dating white men then I may have assumed those home visits and free-for-alls were the norm.
I also noticed that the black men I kept running into had communication issues. I am well aware that there are intellectuals of every race; however, the black men I met wanted to discuss nothing more than sports and intimacy. Safe to say, I was meeting and messing with the wrong types of men and must have been looking in the wrong places. Perhaps the black men I would have preferred dating were not interested, already taken, or in their own interracial relationships, but the ones I was dealing with were making the dating game more tough than it should have been.
On the rare occasion that I met a black man that treated me the way I was accustomed to and exhibited some of the characteristics I was looking for, I noticed his hesitation in discussing marriage although it was a topic that came up in every interracial relationship I had. All of their parents were still married and they were expected to marry someone…someday. Some of the black men I dated came from broken homes (just like me) so they didn’t understand my desire to get married and they didn’t find it necessary. Even though I grew up without the imagery of “love and marriage” in my home, I knew that I was not interested in being anyone’s long-term girlfriend. While I might have enjoyed their company, I knew better than to stick around with a stagnant man for too long, and I continued my search knowing that lowering my standards just because a guy looked good or because he was fun was not going to be an option for me. What else do you have to offer?
In the end, I’ve been blessed to find a man who is all the things I wanted and would have hoped for, and we share the same goals for the future. And if you were wondering, yes, he’s a black man. But I can say that my relationships with white men taught me to never settle for less than I deserved and enabled me to find my Mr. Right by not being comfortable with mediocre “dates,” and just being a girlfriend forever. They gave me the ability to differentiate between boys and men. They showed me the ropes of dating and the significance of marriage. And that’s not to say you have to date outside of your race to figure these things out, but in my experience, it helped me find the perfect man for me, one actually within my own race.
Say What? Ann Coulter Says Bill Maher And Lawrence O’Donnell “Think They’re Freedom Riders” For Dating Black Girls
From Black Voices
Ann Coulter targeted MSNBC hosts in a recent “Fox and Friends” appearance about her new book.
Coulter visited the morning show to discuss her book “Mugged,” which alleges racial bias on the left, on Tuesday. “And the Democrats have a lot to be apologetic about,” she said. “They really do,” co-host Steve Doocy agreed.
She took aim at MSNBC host Chris Matthews over his allegations that Mitt Romney and the Republican party are playing the “race card” in order to get votes. He recently defended those accusations, saying that African-Americans in other countries have personally thanked him for speaking out.
Read more at Black Voices
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