All Articles Tagged "interracial dating"

Real Housewives Of Atlanta: I Can’t Watch Ya’ll Nowhere

February 17th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Source: Bravo

Source: Bravo

It can be hard to understand black culture; even harder if you don’t come from it — doubly so if you’re my Indian in-laws who live in Dubai where I am currently visiting (and I feel like the only African-American woman within it’s borders give or take a layover).
My in-laws may be the nicest in-laws in the world. They love me because their son loves me, full stop. Having said that, I’m pretty sure I’m the only black person they know. And that’s makes me their de facto Black People Ambassador, whether I want to claim the title or not.
And because I take that title fairly seriously, I’ve decided to save my Love and Hip Hop catch-up marathon until I get home. Not because I’m ashamed (I will confess, I love a hot ratchet mess), but because I don’t think my mother-in-law will understand. On this side of the globe (hell, on my side of the globe) other people don’t always understand the complicated social and cultural dynamics that make us pop off sometimes, shade each other, look angry when we’re really not, and occasionally shake a table.
So, in my unofficial ambassadorial duties, I like to focus on the good stuff. I’ve made my fiance watch Boomerang (he loved it), The Color Purple (he tried to stay awake through it) and I even turned his dad on to Harlem Nights (and he hasn’t stopped threatening to shoot me in my pinky toe to this day). One night when it looked like everyone else was asleep or busy, I thought I’d sneak in “Peaches Divided,” i.e. The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Sure, there was a tiny scuffle last week, but surely these grown, affluent people would have moved on by episode 14.
There was so much hooping and hollering in the first few minutes of the episode, I had to turn it down. But not low enough for my mother-in-law to miss the commotion and start making her way to the room.  And I almost turned it off. But then Christopher stood up and apologized for everyone’s behavior. And I thought “good, everyone’s coming to their senses, I can just leave it on.
My mother-in-law came in just in time to hear Kandi flip her bright burgundy hair and yell ”I will drag you in this b***h!” and get dragged out of the room, flailing like Queen Ratchet of the Hood Boogers. And I froze.
Do I turn it off (I can’t she’s watching it now)? Do I shake my head so that she knows that I know this is unacceptable behavior? Should I pretend to leave the room? Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe I should just turn around, maybe she doesn’t think it’s that bad.
She did, Lord, she did. I can’t even describe the look of shock on her face without getting the embarrassment shivers. And before I could say “I think Kandi’s just dealing with a lot and extra sensitive about Todd”, or “Cynthia’s probably stressed out from her marital problems”, my mother-in-law shook her head in a way it’s hard to describe if you haven’t spent a lot of time around Indian people, picked up her coffee mug and left the room. Thanks a lot, Real Housewives of Atlanta (I can’t watch ya’ll nowhere).
This was not a bright moment for black people. But more than that, it was a reminder that while more of us are taking home more zeros on our paychecks, we’re still just barely getting over the influences of intergenerational poverty, hot tempers, inferiority complexes and a host of other issues that Toure, Ta-Nehisi and Cornel West won’t be done analyzing for decades.
But the good news is, I think we’re growing. The second half of the episode (which my mother-in-law missed) was pretty cathartic. When Kandi felt bad about her keeping it real moment and worried that Cynthia would never look at her the same way again, I could relate. And I’ve known Cynthia’s too: embarrassed for black folks in general, pretending to be afraid of Kandi, and acting like hood behavior is new (NeNe eyeroll). I even cringed when Kenya called Apollo a gorilla and hoped my mother-in-law didn’t hear it.
Phaedra’s right. This episode rolled back a lot of black folks’ PR progress. But it was nice to see us try to grow on TV and move on. And one day, we’ll have enough role models out there where we won’t have to worry about one show representing all black people because there are so few representations out there.
Until then, I’m sure my mother-in-law won’t talk about that awkward moment in the living room. And later tonight, she’ll make me dal and ask me how my day was going and we’ll wait patiently at the table for this all to blow over.

The Innumerable Problems Behind “Why Every Black Woman Should Marry A Jewish Man”

December 10th, 2013 - By Veronica Wells
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Somewhere along the way, MadameNoire got the reputation of being the Black Women’s website that promotes interracial dating and marriage and all that. Perhaps it was because of articles like this one. Whatever the case, I feel the need to say that while we believe you should keep your options open when it comes to finding love, you shouldn’t begin your quest with skin tone or racial and ethnic modifiers. And personally, I, Veronica, believe that while black men are flawed like all men, you’ll never catch me out here denouncing all of them. There are enough people outside of our race who do that already. I would think the universal truth that characteristics that make a good partner are not predicated by race and ethnicity is understood by all. But apparently, it’s really not because Dr. Nazaree Hines-Starr, a full time pharmacist and author, recently published a book called Why Every Black Woman Should Marry A Jewish Man. 

Yes ya’ll, every black woman. Before I even begin to dissect the problematic nature of such a premise, let me just share a bit of Hines-Starr’s background and the reasoning she shares for dating and marrying a Jewish man.

All throughout college, graduate school and all of her twenties Hines-Starr, a black woman, dated only black men who shared her religious background. And after that all she had to show for it were a group of men she placed in what she calls the “Scumbag Files.” But Hines-Starr did not give up on love. Instead, she went to the internet and joined an interracial dating site called Let’s pause right here for a minute. I can understand, perhaps, why a black woman would be drawn to a site called Afro Romance but I’m a little perplexed as to why people of other ethnicities would go there unless they’re trying to fulfill some type of chocolate fantasy. But that’s just me. Admittedly, I’m a bit paranoid about such things.

Anyway, looking at the site, I’m guessing Hines-Starr selected “white” for her preferred race and it wasn’t long before she met “Michael, a professional, never-married Jewish man who was two years her junior.”

And apparently, Hines-Starr believes you can do the same. In fact, the way the world is set up right now, you might not even have a choice. She provides the following statistics: “According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there were 1.8 million more black women than black men in 2000, and that number has not improved since then. That means that if every black man in America married a black woman today, many women hoping to marry a black man would not make it down the aisle.”


And then, according to a press release Hines-Starr lists reasons why Jewish men are the new hotness for black women.

- They are the perfect Alpha Male.

- Many African American men and non-Jewish men fall short in the romance department

-Jewish men open wide instead of down low (Is that a sexual innuendo I failed to grasp?)

- Jewish men are not looking for someone to take care of them

- Jewish men attend and graduate college

- Jewish men at least attempt to marry before making babies

-Jewish men are great with financial planning and stability

- Jewish men don’t take everything as a challenge to their masculinity

-Jewish men are often raised with traditional gender roles where the men seek to take care of the women.

That’s enough. Do you see the problems here? Hines-Starr successfully manages to stereotype two groups simultaneously. On the one hand she dogs out black men, calling them unromantic, uneducated, uncommitted and unstable all while lauding not only her Jewish man but all Jewish men above the rest. I think somewhere along the way, people lost sight of the fact that just because a stereotype is positive, it’s still a stereotype. When you reduce people down to a few characteristics, it robs them of their humanity, which is complex.

I wonder if it ever occurred to Hines-Starr that while there are certain culture attitudes that are passed down from generation to generation, the emphasis on education, family and financial security are not just things the Jewish community cares about.

I wonder if in regard to her own dating history if she ever considered the fact that it wasn’t that the men she dated were scumbags because they were all black but because they were just scumbags. And furthermore, since this synopsis seems to present her as blameless in her own dating history, I wonder if she ever stopped to ask herself why she kept attracting and then tolerating scumbags?

I know that since there are far too many, black men berating and degrading black women, some of you will argue that she’s just looking out for numero uno, giving them a taste of their own medicine, trying not to be left behind as she pledges allegiance to black men and black men alone. And I get that. I’m not saying limit your options. If you can, of course you should be open to love regardless of the package it comes in. I just hope black people, men and women alike, haven’t reduced the phenomenon of finding love into some type of calculated trip to the market where you pass up the brand you’ve known and grown up with in favor of something new and exotic.


Black Woman Berates White Girlfriend In A Harlem Barber Shop, What Would You Do?

December 9th, 2013 - By Veronica Wells
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What Would You Do

Source: YouTube

If you’re familiar with the show “What Would You Do?” You know they put people in tight, yet realistic situations that test people’s moral fiber. And even have you asking yourself what you would have done in the same situation. In one of the latest episodes, an actress “Rachel” is pretending to be a stylist in the popular Harlem barber shop Denny Moe’s. She’s giving eyes to one of the male customers, a black guy, when all of a sudden his white girlfriend walks in. And instead of playing cool or sucking her teeth and rolling her eyes on the low she begins to question the black man for his choice and out and out disrespect the white girl in the place. I mean, she goes in.

Take a look at the video to see how the women and men in the shop respond in this scenario. And then ask yourself–though you could never know until you’re in it–what would you have done in this situation?

“It’s A Reflection Of Reality:” Malcolm D. Lee Explains Why He Put Jordan With A White Boy In “The Best Man Holiday”

November 14th, 2013 - By Brande Victorian
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The Best Man Holiday

We’re pretty sure Harper Stewart wasn’t the only one surprised to see Jordan with a white boy in the upcoming film, “The Best Man Holiday.” In previews for “The Best Man” sequel we find out Nia Long’s character Jordan has been “playing in the snow,” as Quentin put it in the film, and when we attended the press junket for the movie in LA, we chatted with director Malcolm D. Lee about why chose to take her story line in that direction.

Speaking on Jordan’s go-getter attitude toward her career and the fact that love has always taken a backseat in her life, he said:

“African American women who are extremely successful can’t always find black male counterparts on that level so it’s a little bit of a reflection of reality that black women are starting to date outside their race — and why not?”

Lee also spoke on his ability to incorporate spirituality into both “Best Man” movies without beating people over the head with a message and what he thinks about the current climate of black films. Check out what he had to say about that and more in the video below.

Selective Mating: Online Dating Data Shows Americans Still Don’t Like Dating Other Races

November 7th, 2013 - By Ann Brown
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The rate of interracial marriages in the U.S. has doubled in the past 30 years, but according to online dating habits, Americans are still racially polarized when it comes to dating people of different races.

A new study by OkCupid, however, found some hope in a mass of same-race interactions, reports Popular Science (via Business Insider).

University of California at San Diego sociologist Kevin Lewis analyzed messages sent by more than 126,000 OkCupid users over a two-and-a-half month period in order to examine how racial prejudice affects romantic decisions. Including heterosexual interactions between users who self-identified with the site’s five largest racial categories (Black, White,  East Asian, Hispanic/Latino and Indian), he found that people from all racial backgrounds disproportionately contacted users from the same racial background.

But here’s an interesting twist,  people were more open to reply to a user of a different race than they were to initiate the contact. “And right after they did so, for about a week, they were more likely to start a conversation with someone of another race,” reports Popular Science.

OkCupid has been looking at the issue since 2009 when, on its OkTrends blog, it detailed the prevalence of racial prejudice on its own service. White males get the most responses to their messages of any other group, and white, Asian and Hispanic women reply to non-white men less than a quarter of the time, according to the site’s own data.

Most recently, Lewis found similar trends: “Most men (except black men) are unlikely to initiate contact with black women, all men (including Asian men) are unlikely to reply to Asian women, and although women from all racial backgrounds tend to initiate contact with men from the same background, women from all racial backgrounds also disproportionately reply to white men.”

According to Lewis, one factor in online dating’s racial segregation could be what he calls preemptive discrimination.

“In other words, part of the reason site users, and especially minority site users, do not express interest in individuals from a different racial background is because they anticipate — based on a lifetime of experiences with racism — that individuals from a different background will not be interested in them,” he said.

And, this could be why people are more apt to reply to users of another race than message them first. Obviously the person is interested in them if they receive a message.

15 Celebrity Women Who Don’t Seem To Have Love For The Brothers

October 16th, 2013 - By Meghan Reid
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Kanye always said  “And when you get on he leave your A$$ for a white girl” in regards to black men, but he never mentioned black women.There are quite a few black women that have gained great success through music, acting and sports, but aren’t seen with black men romantically. Check out 15 women that love to date white men exclusively, or so it seems.

Diana Ross

Diana Ross

After Berry Gordy, Diana Ross hasn’t seemed to find another black man to date or marry. She married Robert Ellis Silberstein in 1971, the same year her oldest daughter was born. Although her real father was Berry Gordy, Diana failed to reveal that information until years later. She then divorced Silberstein in 1977 and married billionaire Arne Naess, Jr.

Jill Scott: I Never Said I Don’t Like Interracial Relationships, But If A White Woman Validates You, You’re Misguided

September 11th, 2013 - By Brande Victorian
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Jill Scott

Source: WENN

I think I could listen to Jill Scott talk all day long. Not only does the 41-year-old Grammy Award winner have one of the most calming and melodic voices I’ve ever heard, she also drops a lot of knowledge whenever she opens her mouth.

When we caught up with the singer on the press junket for the upcoming movie “Baggage Claim,” we knew exactly what we wanted to ask her about: that 2010 essay on interracial dating in Essence magazine and her advice for single mothers raising black men, in light of both her admission to suffering from postpartum depression after having her son and the shooting death of Trayvon Martin. Miss Scott was kind enough to speak freely on both topics and this is what she had to say.

Advice to single moms

“Be his mother, be his friend, but don’t be his girlfriend. That’s a big one.

“He’ll have to understand the repercussions of his actions. That’s your job. To make sure that he understands and feels the full brunt of what will happen if he doesn’t abide by the rules of this here house. I’m going to be lenient. I’m not going to lock you in a cage, but society will. So I need you to understand the pros and cons of being a rebel. Real spit.

“Don’t talk bad about his dad. If you have to bite your tongue in half, do that before you start talking crap about his dad. He’ll look at that as a reflection of himself and exactly who you don’t want him to be is who he’ll be because he thinks it’s in his DNA, but it’s bigger than DNA and that’s big.”

How she feels about her 2010 essay on interracial dating today

“I wasn’t talking about interracial dating and that’s where everybody seemed to get it twisted. The article was intended to be called ‘I’m just saying.’ What it ended up being was Jill Scott discusses interracial relationships. I’m a writer and the first thing I know is in order to discuss something I have to do research and that’s not what that article was about.

“It was a response, the internal response, to a happy, healthy, wealthy, black man having a white wife or a white girlfriend. What is that in us? That’s what I was talking about. Not them. Us. So it was pretty unfortunate what I ended up being on this platform where I don’t like interracial relationships. That’s not what I said. That’s not what I said at all.

“I love love. If you love that person, please love them hard and good. But if you are there because you think that having this woman validates who you are as a person, then you’re misguided and misled.”

No argument here. In the video below, Jill Scott also admitted to dating a white man before and also laid out what her idea of perfect man is, including someone who is “hungry for her love making often.”

Go head Miss Scott!

Watch the full interview below. What do you think?

Paula Patton On Black Women Dating Interracially: “At The End Of The Day, You Need To Be Happy”

August 22nd, 2013 - By Brande Victorian
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Paula Patton On Black Women Dating Interracially

We’re sure you heard the story about how Paula Patton wouldn’t take her high school sweetheart hubby Robin Thicke  with her to prom because he’s white. Though it may sound like an odd tale given how long the couple has been together and how in love they appear to be, the notion of being hesitant to showcase your interracial love is not an uncommon one. That’s why when we caught up with Miss Patton at the press junket for “Baggage Claim” we had to ask the star of the upcoming romantic comedy what advice she has for black women who might be struggling with being open with their interracial relationship like she once was. Speaking on her own experience, here’s what we got from Paula Patton on black women dating interracially:

“In high school, I was the vice president of the Black Student Union, that was not a good relationship for me,” she said speaking of her decision not to go to prom with Robin. “That’s when you care what other people think.  At the end of the day, you have to go with your heart and that’s something that was also true in the movie ["Baggage Claim"].

“It’s not a good thing to care what other people think. At the end of the day, you need to be happy, no one else is living in your house with you.”

And the church says Amen.

Switching the topic to the 37-year-old’s career, we also asked Paula about her film trajectory and whether she’s worried at all about being typecast. And then we just got downright nosy and asked the starlet who has been her favorite co-star out of all the fine men she’s worked with over the past few years. Here’s what she said:

On Worrying about being typecast and having a genre preference

“I’m not worried about being typecast — not yet — because I don’t think people really know who  I am. I’m a little schizophrenic; I don’t know who I am.”

“I love them all, to be honest with you,” she said speaking of movie genres she’s played in. “I love movies. I’ve loved movies since I was a little girl. It’s about the project as a whole. At first I want to make sure it’s a project I want to see, and secondly I look at the role to see is it something that’s going  to challenge me and something I can sink my teeth into and that’s how I go forth [with my roles] – not based on genre.”

Her favorite male co-star

“I don’t pick favorites. I cannot answer that question. My husband is my favorite. There may be a random thing here or there that wasn’t perfect, but generally everybody I worked with I loved and they had their own great qualities that are unique to them.

“I will say this much, though, Denzel played such an enormous part in my career. This is my second film having a lead role [with him] and I’ve been impressed with him my whole life. He’s one of the greatest actors of all time, so in many ways, he doesn’t know it, but he’s my mentor and he’s been my mentor. When I worked with him, he didn’t teach me, but I learned by watching. I said if Denzel’s doing it, I’m going to do it, so I’ve taken that with me through every film since, so it was such an honor that he wanted to work with me again, but it was also a refresher course too. So I’ll say he was special as my mentor.”


Interracial Couple Brutally Attacked Outside Of New York Restaurant

August 20th, 2013 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Source: NBC

Source: NBC

It’s really a shame that things like this are still happening in 2013.

Married couple Billie and Jacob James-Vogel were viciously attacked by a group of men in front of the SHI restaurant in Long Island City on Saturday, NBC New York reports. According to the distraught couple, the incident all began as they were leaving the Restaurant with a group of friends after celebrating Jacob’s 40th birthday when the men, who were seated in a nearby vehicle, began yelling racial and homophobic slurs at them. When Jacob asked why the men were hurling insults at them, the couple says things took a violent turn.

“I was pushed to the ground, I covered my face and I just got jumped,” James said.”

“I tried, I tried to help,” a tearful Billie interjected.

“While I was laying on the ground covering my face, I got to watch them shove my wife to the ground without being able to help her,” added

“I’m afraid to walk down the street. I’m afraid they may come back for us,” Billie went on to tell reporters.

“In this day and age, in this neighborhood, it just kills me,” she continued.

The couple also expressed that when they tried to get help from the restaurant, they were turned away.

“My husband, with his face pouring with blood, went to that very same doorman and said, ‘Please, help us,’ and he closed the door in husband’s my face,” Billie revealed.

The restaurant owner, however, claims this is not true.

“On Saturday 8/17 an unfortunate incident occured around the corner of SHI Restaurant. The James-Vogel’s were attacked in an alleged “hate crime”. It is being reported that we at SHI denied them help. We vehemently deny these allegations because it is simply untrue.We were not aware of the incident until it was over. In any event we were informed the Police were called and on their way. Neither Billie or Jacob Vogel was turned away. As a business serving Long Island City and beyond, we have a very diverse clientele and are very invloved in the community. We strongly condemn discrimination in all forms and under no circumstances would we turn away anyone who needed help for whatever reason. Our sympathies go out to the james-Vogels and we sincerely hope they recover both physically and emotionally from this devastating incident,” a statement posted on the restaurant’s website reads.

 Turn the page to watch NBC’s full report. What are your thoughts regarding this unfortunate incident? 

15 Struggles Black Women In Interracial Relationships Can Understand

August 15th, 2013 - By Meg Butler
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Dating is tough; and interracial relationships come with their own special type of drama. Whether you’re currently dating “outside the team” or just curious about what it’s like, we’ve got some gripes that sistas in this situation will probably understand.

Image Source:

Image Source:

His Friends

Sometimes social gatherings are awkward: “I can see why he likes you. You’re not like other black girls.” Not all of us get to our post-racial place at the same time. If this is the first time his friends have hung out with a black person, the interracial learning curve can be steep.

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