All Articles Tagged "infidelity"

“I Was Homicidal And Suicidal”: Tina Campbell Contemplated Taking Her Life After Teddy’s Cheating Revelation

March 28th, 2016 - By Victoria Uwumarogie
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Tina Campbell is an open book these days. And she has decided to be more open about all that she’s gone through in an attempt to help others while also exalting God for what He brought her out of. Recently, she spoke on the deep depression she faced in front of cameras after finding out about Teddy’s cheating. While promoting the new season of Mary Mary, she told TheGrio’s Chris Witherspoon earlier this month, “I was suicidal and homicidal.”

“It wasn’t like, ‘I done lost my man I want to kill myself,'” Campbell said. “I loved my husband, but I was like, ‘I can get another man.’ During that stage I was underconfident, but I was cocky. I was like, ‘Google me, I could have whoever I want!’ But really, ’cause I felt like nothing, that’s where it came from. Total insecurity. It wasn’t about losing my man. I was like, ‘Okay, I’m a family woman, and I don’t even have one.’ My family was just a complete lie, and that’s how I felt.”

She continued, “Now my faith, I can’t do lying. So I’m not going to be a hypocrite and be mad at God and angry and bitter and all this stuff, out there trying to share the Gospel and inspire people. So I didn’t want to do Gospel music anymore. So all I got left is my kids. I’m no good to them because I’m depressed, I’m sad, I’m broken, I’m insecure, I’m overprotecting them. ‘I’m good for nothing. What is the point of me?’ Since I felt like I was pointless, I considered taking my life. I considered taking me, my children. I was just like, ‘I don’t want to leave a legacy of suicide to them, so maybe I should just take all of them.’ Then I was like, ‘Naw, maybe I should take out these people who did me wrong and then take us out, and leave my husband here to figure it out so that he can realize, look what you did.’

I was just at a terrible, terrible place. I was homicidal and suicidal, but I told God, ‘I know I’m crazy and I know I’m all the way thrown off, but I don’t want to be like this. I want to forgive. I want to let this go. I want to know that good people sometimes make bad decisions because they feel like they’re between a rock and a hard place, whatever the case, you want something but you go about it the wrong way.’ I was like, ‘I don’t want to hate the world. I don’t want to be bitter and insecure and angry. If you can help me forgive and help me see people and myself in the way you see them, I promise I’ll tell everybody about it if you get me out of this pit.’ And God really did help me. And I found that help in the Bible. So yes, I was crazy before I was sane. And I did crazy real good. Now I do sane real good.”

And not only is she doing sane real good, Campbell said that her relationship is better than its ever been. So her decision to share her pain with so many was worth it, as it brought her, others, and her relationship, healing.

Check out her interview with TheGrio below and feel free to share how you can relate. Have you ever had thoughts of hurting yourself or others during an especially hard time in your life? How did you move forward?

Should You Say Something If You Know Your Best Friend Is Cheating On Their Partner?

March 21st, 2016 - By Deja Jones
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Black woman cheating

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So picture this: You’re on Instagram or Facebook, and you see someone commenting on a mutual friend’s pictures and posts in a sexually suggestive manner. To your surprise, your friend responds in an equally flirtatious way. You know that person has a man, and they’ve been together for almost 10 years. On the one hand, you want to sit back with one of those mini bags of Orville Redenbacher and watch everything unfold because you can’t believe how shady this person is being and reckless on the web. On the other hand, you know it’s wrong, and you feel obligated to step in because that person just happens to be one of your best friends.

It’s often you hear stories of a friend with a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend, and that leaves the person caught in the middle at odds about whether they should let their friend know. But what do you do when the person who’s cheating is your friend? Does loyalty trump moral code? You find yourself at a crossroad wondering if you should you tell your friend about herself or if you should just be okay with the fact that it’s not your relationship, so it’s none of your business. After reading through an array of tabs pulled up on my computer and after wrestling back and forth with this dilemma, here is what I concluded:

Let’s call a spade a spade. There is no level of cheating that’s more justifiable than another. Cheating is cheating, whether emotionally or physically. Being a cheater isn’t just about sexual infidelity. It can be flirty emails/private messages/texts and romantic affection, which are things that are reserved specifically for the one you are dating. A preacher once said if you’re married or in a committed relationship and you’re having lustful thoughts and fantasies about someone else, you’ve just committed the first act of cheating because temptation and infidelity start in the mind.

I’m a firm believer in iron sharpening iron and when most people cheat it’s usually because there is something about their current relationship that’s failing to meet a certain need–whether a physical one, an emotional one, a spiritual one, and so on and forth. Some are just looking for a new type of thrill without compromising or fully giving up the security of their current relationship. But at the end of the day, you’re playing with fire. 

Without overstepping my boundaries, I spoke to my friend about her behavior. I simply wanted to know what was happening in her life that she wasn’t happy with. What in her relationship was causing her to step out? As friends and sisters, we hold each other accountable, and we check each other when we are out of line. So if ever you find yourself debating whether you should say something or mind your business, think about the dynamics of your relationship with that person and do not go and blab to the other person. Speak directly to your friend. They could be going through a really tough time. But at the same time, they also need to know that cheating is wrong. Be careful of harsh judgment and also be prepared for a defensive side to surface because any able-minded person will be aware that what they’re doing is wrong, but they also don’t want the person closest to them making them feel any worse about their actions. 

Don’t make it more dramatic than it needs to be. Just be real with your friend and once you’ve done your part, all you can do is let it go. As friends, we should hold each other accountable and look out for one another’s best interests, but if that person doesn’t want to take your advice or listen to your words, at least you can walk away knowing you did your part.

What Would You Do? Woman Interrupts Wedding, “Is This What You Left My House For?”

March 9th, 2016 - By Veronica Wells
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Source: YouTube

Source: YouTube

Normally, if there’s going to be any drama at a wedding, it’ll come when the minister asks “if anyone knows of any reason why these two shouldn’t be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.” But this woman, in an old YouTube video that has gone viral, couldn’t wait that long. After the minister prayed over this couple, (she did have the decency to wait until the prayer was over), the woman, in front of everyone, decided to make a scene.

She interrupted the ceremony to ask, “This is what you left my house for this morning…and the other night.”

Shortly after, someone said “You need to get out” as the crowd gasps, ooos and whispers among themselves. Interestingly enough, the YouTube user who uploaded the video said that after the incident, the woman was escorted out and the wedding proceeded. Needless to say, the guests were in a tizzy.

I’m sure this is every fiancé’s worst nightmare. But after watching, I have a few observations. One, this woman appears to be an invited guest…which is quite bold on both her part and the part of the groom. While we could doubt the validity of her claims, the fact that he looked over and looked back at his bride, not in shock or confusion, but simply trying to ignore the situation is pretty interesting. If I’m playing devil’s advocate, I could say that he was trying not to make a bad situation worse. But also, that’s not the look of a man who’s just been lied on on the most important day of his life. That’s not even the look of a man who’s pretending he’s being lied on. It’s more like a look of avoidance.

But forget about him. I’m concerned about the woman in this situation. She didn’t look all that surprised either. Or maybe she did and she just didn’t turn around and show us that face. Hell, maybe they had a conversation before they met at the altar. You never know. She might have already made the decision to forgive.

But my question is, if you were the woman how would you handle the situation? Would you stop the wedding and have a conversation with your soon-to-be husband, would you address the woman who decided to insert herself into your day or would you move like the woman in this video did, pretending like nothing happened and marry the man of your dreams.

Serious Question: If You Caught Your Sibling Cheating Would You Snitch?

March 2nd, 2016 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Years ago, my now ex-boyfriend’s sister reached out to me and told me that he had been cheating on me with a couple of other girls. She didn’t really tell me anything that blew my mind, but she did confirm my suspicions while giving me the kick in the butt I needed to kick his butt to the curb.

A woman, who we’ll call “Rachel,” recently found herself in a similar predicament and turned to Reddit for advice. Rachel spotted her sister, Eleanor, in a coffee shop with a gentleman who was not Eleanor’s husband of four years, John. The two were behaving quite inappropriately. This is particularly devastating to Rachel who was always felt that John and Eleanor were the “perfect couple,” and now she’s ready to drop dime to her brother-in-law.

Well, today I was out for an early stroll around town with my boyfriend. We stayed out for maybe 3 hours or so, before walking back to the parking lot. On the way back, I couldn’t help noticing that my sister was sitting in the window of a coffee shop along the main street. I stopped us and I asked my boyfriend if we could sneak in to surprise her, since we hadn’t seen her for a few weeks. He said yes, but then suddenly grabbed my hand just before I went to go to the door.

My boyfriend said “Wait… she’s in there with a guy.”

I was confused, and she hadn’t noticed us so I just walked back around the corner, and then peered through the window again. Sure enough, she was seated opposite a man that was determinately not John. He had dark hair and he kept winking at her, holding her hand and bringing it up to his mouth to kiss it.

I was distraught. My boyfriend asked if I wanted to do anything, but I certainly wasn’t going to march in there and make a scene in front of all the other customers, so we just left.

Rachel seems to be hoping that there’s some sort of explanation for her sister’s behavior. But no matter how you slice it, a married woman being smooched up by any man other than her husband is suspect as hell. She definitely wants to say something, but is wondering if she should give her sister a chance to explain herself before going to John.

Now, I’m wondering who to bring this up with first. I was thinking I should bring this up with Eleanor first and tell her I saw them, but I’m risking her either 1.) denying everything (most likely) or 2.) admitting everything and then telling me not to tell John. If she did that, I’d tell him anyway, because f-ck no am I keeping infidelity from a loving husband, but she’d most likely completely hate me for telling him and cut me out of her life.

Unlike my situation, Rachel’s sister is married with a child, and clearly has a lot more to lose. When my ex’s sister rang the alarm, I was able to make a clean break; however, this news could potentially break up a family. Rachel has found herself in quite the pickle.

Would you tell on a cheating sibling?

Do Spiritual Leaders Need To Publicly Address Their Infidelity?

February 22nd, 2016 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Out of all of the marital advice that I have received thus far, one of the golden nuggets that stuck was from my Pastor who basically told us that we need to keep our business in our home. He essentially told us that things will happen, but  as long as we keep God first, we would find a way to overcome. And that the easiest way to do that is to keep folks out of our business as much as possible.

Earlier today, Grammy Award-winning gospel artist Israel Houghton announced that he is officially divorced from his wife of twenty years, Meleasa Houghton. The announcement was posted to the singer’s Facebook page and it revealed that he and his now ex-wife had been separated for some time now. From the sounds of it, there was infidelity on Israel’s behalf, though he didn’t explicitly say so. His statement reads:

It is with a collective heavy heart that we announce that after over 20 years of marriage and a long separation, Meleasa and I are officially divorced. Several years ago I failed and sinned in my marriage. Though this is new to many, it is not new to us as we have been working through this for over 5 years. Although we tried, the challenges in our relationship have proven too much to overcome. We have always handled our family and ministry with grace and generosity toward others, discretion, and privacy. So, for the sake of our amazing kids, we are also handling this privately with pastoral oversight and assistance. We choose to remain friendly and kind to each other going forward. I am in the process of restoration and I have repented for my actions. Although I am sincerely sorry, and forgiven, I soberly realize that I will live with the consequences of my failings for the rest of my life. As this has become a public matter I want to apologize to the many who have supported my ministry through the years. I’m sorry for the many who will be hurt to learn of my personal failure. I regret any pain or disappointment that this news may cause you. We thank you for your prayers and for allowing us to handle this privately with those who are set over us in this process.

Prayerfully

Israel Houghton

It’s actually quite beautiful how many brothers and sisters in the faith flooded the singer’s comments with supportive and encouraging messages. Many commended him for being transparent and owning up to his mistakes. And others—well, y’all know how some Christian folk can be. But one comment in particular really stood out to me.

“You have only sinned against God. You owe us nothing. We will continue to pray and support you, both of you. I am in NO position to judge anyone. I believe in the restoring power of God. I love you,” a commenter by the name of PJ Morgan wrote.

And in some ways, I kind of agree with PJ.  It’s admirable that Israel was open about his shortcomings. At the same time, I wonder if it’s fair that some people actually demand this level of transparency from spiritual leaders—mainly when it pertains to marital issues. Yes, they preach the gospel and lead us as we all follow Christ together, but should they be left to deal with some of their issues privately?

Noirettes, we’d love to hear from you. Should we expect spiritual leaders to publicly address infidelity and other marital issues?

Are Your Married Coworkers Having Office Affairs?

February 16th, 2016 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Corbis Images

Corbis Images

I’ve witnessed more interoffice affairs than I care to admit. At a previous job, I knew of at least five affairs, and I’m almost sure that there were some that I didn’t know about. There was one guy who was in so deep that he would only make his wife’s picture his screensaver on his computer when his mistress was out sick. You can probably guess how things went down when he forgot to change it back before his mistress returned to work. There was another guy who carried on an office affair for years until his wife found out and divorced him. He later married his mistress, and she left the company to be a stay-at-home wife. He now has a new mistress who works at the office. I always assumed that I just worked with extremely messy people, but according to this recent Vault survey, interoffice affairs are happening everywhere.

Out of the 2,274 adults who participated in the survey, 47 percent claimed to be aware of infidelity on the part of a married or attached coworker. Only 19 percent of percent of participants confessed to engaging in an interoffice affair themselves. Out of those who confessed to having affairs with colleagues, 23 percent said that the infidelity either ended their own or their coworker’s marriage or long-term relationship. 14 percent reported experiencing professional consequences and career setbacks as a result of these affairs.

Personally, I don’t believe that office romances are ever a good idea. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or not, it’s just a bad look to do dirt where you have to eat, but apparently, I’m in the minority. 51 percent of adults who responded to the survey shared that they’ve crossed that line with a colleague in the past, and 27 percent of them admitted to actually getting busy in the workplace. Only 5 percent of people responded that they believe no office romances are appropriate.

Are any of your married colleagues having affairs with coworkers? Does this make you uncomfortable?

Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise

Can God Change A Cheater?

January 26th, 2016 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Tanya Constantine/Blend Images/Corbis

Tanya Constantine/Blend Images/Corbis

Tina and Teddy Campbell have accomplished something that many married couples cannot: they survived infidelity. Three years ago, the “Mary Mary” singer learned that her husband cheated with multiple women—including a close family friend with whom he had an ongoing affair. Much of the drama unfolded on the couple’s We TV reality show, and it was quite ugly. The trust she had in him was shattered. And although both parties agreed to fight for their marriage very early on, it really didn’t seem like the Campbells would survive this crippling blow to their union.

Months after the incident, Tina and her sister, Erica Campbell, stopped by MadameNoire’s midtown office for an interview. I nervously broached the questions I had that were related to Teddy’s indiscretions, but my fear quickly subsided. Tina was an open book. Clearly, she had already “done her work,” as Iyanla would say. She was at peace and the strength that she exuded literally sent chills up my spine and brought a tear to my eye. She believed that God was capable of restoring her marriage. In fact, she was confident that He had already done so. She spoke boldly and flexed her faith in the face of fear and the possibility of failure, knowing good and well that there were plenty of naysayers who said that she was foolish for believing that a cheating man could change his ways. After the interview, I literally asked our video for the uncut footage because I knew that watching it back would help me during days when I faced fear-inducing situations. Yes, she stood that firmly in her beliefs. She clung to God’s promises as if they were a life raft and refused to be shaken. Today, it seems that the couple has witnessed the fulfillment of those very promises and they appear to be happier than ever. Recently, Tina took to Instagram to thank God for her husband’s transformation and to celebrate the progress they’ve made.

I trust him to lead them because he trusts God to lead him. I saw God in action as HE transformed this grown man and I’ll never forget or doubt what I saw and what I continue to see daily. God is amazing and He has blown my mind with this man he blessed me with. He now leads by example because Jesus is his example and his family is honored to follow him. 

Many women, including women of the Christian faith, subscribe to notions like “a leopard can’t change its spots” and “once a cheater always a cheater” when it comes to infidelity in relationships. While I certainly understand the logic, couldn’t one argue that this kind of goes against certain Christian principles such as walking by faith instead of by sight and believing that God is capable of turning any situation around? The Internet is filled with stories of both men and women whose marriages were not only able to survive, but also flourish after infidelity—including this account posted by Unveiled Wife from a woman who fell in love with another man two years into her marriage. Of course, that’s not to say that every marriage will survive such a gross betrayal of trust, but simply that it is possible for a cheater to be transformed.

If a friend was believing God to “fix” his or her cheating spouse, would you tell them that they’re delusional? Do you believe that God can change a cheater?

Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise

Serious Question: What’s To Be Gained From Publicly Shaming A Cheater?

January 21st, 2016 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Shutterstock

Shutterstock

When I learned that my now ex-boyfriend cheated on me, I lost it. I mean, I went ballistic. I couldn’t really figure out what hurt more: the fact that my ex betrayed my trust or the fact that he tried to make me feel like I was crazy when I confronted him. I was heartbroken. I was devastated. And most of all, I was enraged. I’ve been a cry baby for most of my life, but the tears didn’t come until much later because somehow, my pain was being suppressed by my fury. I fantasized about ways to get back at him. I wanted him to feel the same emotions that I did. During this challenging moment in my life, I thought about doing a lot of crazy things and wanted to act out in many ways, but I always came to my senses. Most of the outlandish behaviors that I allowed myself to entertain would have made me look foolish as well. Sure, I could put his indiscretions on front street, but that would also require me to put my own business out there for the entertainment and amusement of people who didn’t give a damn about me. I say all of that to say that I know what it feels like to be betrayed. I can understand how your emotions would push you to want to act out publicly, but I can’t really understand how people are actually able to follow through with their plans.

In 2010, Garcelle Beauvais learned that her now ex-husband, Mike Nilon, had been unfaithful. In a fit of rage, the actress sent an email informing Nilon’s colleagues at the Hollywood CAA Agency of her discovery.

Tiger Woods/Jesse James/Mike Nilon. What do they have in common . . . I found out today that MY husband of almost 9 yrs has been having an affair for 5 yrs with some slut in Chicago. I am devastated!!!! And I have been duped!! Our boys don’t deserve this!

While Beauvais may have felt temporarily satisfied by her decision to shame her husband for his cheating ways, things quickly backfired. The email was later leaked and published by the New York Post.

“When I actually looked and realized it had been leaked, I was sobbing, sobbing,” the actress shared five years after the scandal. “It’s embarrassing. At the same time, you’re in pain. It was another part of the devastation, honestly.”

Last fall, two videos of a man confronting his cheating girlfriend with audio evidence went viral. In the videos, which are nearly 40 minutes long in total, the man leads his girlfriend to believe that they’re about to celebrate her birthday, but in actuality, he’s about to present all of the evidence that he has on her. Did I mention that his parents were present during the incident?

I can’t imagine why anyone dealing with the hurt that comes with the betrayal would willing subject themselves to the humiliation that comes along with publicly shaming an unfaithful partner. The way I see it, you don’t really have much to gain from inviting the world into your relationship drama except maybe a fleeting feeling that you’ve somehow gotten revenge.

In my opinion, the best way to repay a cheater is to leave the situation with your dignity still intact, but that’s just me. What are your thoughts on this? Do you believe there are any real benefits to publicly shaming a cheater?

I’m Concerned About My Spouse’s Bizarre Relationship With His Pregnant Colleague

January 8th, 2016 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Over the years, I have grown extremely close to my coworkers. They’ve literally become like family, and it’s tough to imagine my life without them sometimes. With that said, as close as we are, they’re still my colleagues and in the workplace, there are some lines should just never be crossed. However, not everyone gets that concept. A concerned wife, who we’ll call “Ebony” recently took to Reddit in hopes of getting advice regarding her 33-year-old husband Phillip’s peculiar relationship with his co-worker, Kelsey. Phillip and Kelsey have worked together for two years, and Ebony really thought nothing of their relationship, but something strange happened after Phillip learned of Kelsey’s pregnancy five months ago. According to 31-year-old Ebony, Phillip has been going above and beyond to help the 23-year-old expectant mom with her pregnancy—including spending hundreds of dollars, buying gifts and tagging along for doctor’s appointments. Of course, this would make any wife uncomfortable, but when confronted about his behavior, Phillip scolded Ebony for being selfish and trying to discourage him from doing a good deed. He insists that he simply wants to help Kelsey because her child’s father is not in the picture. Performing good deeds is great, except Phillip have never been the “charitable type” and Ebony’s common sense mixed with women’s intuition left her feeling like something else is up.

“He won’t acknowledge what I think is very worrisome behavior. At this point, I wonder what I’m supposed to do. I think he really is trying to do a good deed, but part of me worries that something else is happening,” Ebony initially explained.

When asked if there was something going on between him and Kelsey, Phillip called Ebony jealous and insecure. He also declined his wife’s request to meet the young woman that they were helping. However, after witnessing enough red flags, Ebony took matters into her own hands and reached out to Kelsey, who confirmed what she had known all along: she’s pregnant with Phillip’s baby. Ebony discussed the heartbreaking experience in a follow-up post.

“I decided to contact Kelsey the next day,” Ebony explained. “She sent me a very nasty message back. I will spare you many of the details. The basic gist was that I was old and unattractive and unable to satisfy my husband, so he found someone better (i.e., Kelsey). Among other things, she claimed that the baby was my husband’s and that he was planning to leave me but felt sorry for me and couldn’t bring himself to do it. She ended the message by telling me that I should let him go so they could be together. It hurt a lot to read that message. It still hurts me to think about it.”

When confronted with this new information, Phillip broke down and confessed, but claimed that he wanted to work things out with his wife.

“I showed him the message. He got really quiet and admitted that she was telling the truth but denied telling her all of the horrible things she said about me. He said it (getting her pregnant) was a mistake, and he was only trying to do the right thing by her and the baby. He denied that they were still sleeping together and said he wanted to stay with me and have a baby with me. I have no idea if either of these things are true.”

Ebony has already begun scouting divorce attorneys, but she’s still unsure about whether or not she’s going to file.

“I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Everything has happened so fast. A couple of days have passed now, and I’m still thinking things over. He wants us to go to counseling to try to work through this, but I don’t think I’m interested in working on our marriage.”

I would ask what you all believe that she should do, but I’m pretty sure that at least 95% of you will recommend chucking the deuces. So instead, I’ll just ask you to leave your thoughts on this situation below.

[Watch] How Tina Campbell Learned Her Husband Was Cheating

December 10th, 2015 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Tina Campbell

Steve Harvey Show

Two years ago, Tina Campbell revealed that her husband, Teddy Campbell, had been unfaithful to her with multiple women—including a close family friend. The couple decided to stay together to work on their marriage, and it appears that the duo is better because of it. The couple recently appeared on “The Steve Harvey Show” to partake in a segment called “Life After Infidelity,” which is when Tina revealed how she learned of Teddy’s multiple affairs. According to the singer and reality star, a close friend blew the whistle.

“Someone who knows me very well was watching the show, and I was always saying, ‘I could leave all of this. I could just go and be with my husband. I don’t need none of this. It’s just me and Teddy and they can have this.’ She was like, ‘Listen, I hate to have to say this to you, but I followed the information that I found out for six months to make sure that it was true because I don’t want to break your heart, but don’t stop doing what you’re doing because you may need to take care of you and your kids.’ So they told me about two of them.”

Tina confronted Teddy with the information she received, and he tried to deny it.

“I talked to my husband two days before, I was in New York, I was like, ‘Listen, honey, I got reason to believe that something is going on. I’m coming to you because I love you, and I want to work through whatever this is, but I need you to tell me the truth.’ We stayed on the phone for an hour and eight minutes. He didn’t give me nothing.”

When she returned home, she confronted Teddy again. Then, she confronted the woman, which is when she realized that her friend was right.

“The person who it was, she used to work for me. That broke my heart; she was like a godmother to my children. She had access to my home, to come get my kids, all of that stuff. She was in the mix of our family. I called, and she didn’t answer her phone. When we got home on Super Bowl Sunday, I [told Teddy] ‘Come upstairs.’ I said ‘Are you having an affair with her?’ He said ‘No.’ I said ‘Call her,’ and so he did. I said, ‘Are you sleeping with my husband?’ And she hung up the phone, so I had my answer.”

It’s amazing that their marriage survived betrayal of this magnitude.

Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise