All Articles Tagged "infidelity"
One of the things we love most about Scandal creator, Shonda Rhimes— besides her ability to make amazing church pearl-clutching stories come alive before our very eyes— is how very outspoken she is. Her latest tell-it-like-it-is statement stemmed from a comment made by fellow ABC executive producer David Zabel, who stated that he hoped viewers would be able to accept and “root for” characters from his show, Betrayal, who are engaging in an extramarital affair, just as Scandal viewers learned to deal with Fitz and Olivia’s affair.
“It’s a challenge. They’ve overcome it on ‘Scandal.’ They’ve overcome it very well, I understand,” Zabel told BuzzSugar.
Shonda, however, seems to disagree with Zabel’s statement. During a recent interview with TVLine, the mother of two responded to the claims, expressing that Scandal in no way condones adultery.
“I don’t feel like we’re making adultery acceptable. We weren’t setting out to make adultery OK. To me it’s not about adultery or not adultery. We’re telling the story of these two characters who very specifically have this kind of relationship [...] we tell all sides,” Shonda said.
“So while there are times when you’re like, ‘Fitz and Liv are wonderful and I want them to be together,’ there are also times you think, ‘Fitz is scum and he shouldn’t be cheating on his wife.’ And there are times you think, ‘Olivia should go off and find herself somebody who’s single,’ ” she continued.
She went on to say that the long-lived debate surrounding the morality of Fitz and Olivia’s choices is what fuels the show.
“I like the fact that everybody feels this big debate. That’s fantastic, because that’s the point. We’re not giving a judgement on it one way or the other.”
The 43-year-old producer closed by letting viewers know that they’re in for quite a ride, as season three promises many twists and turns.
“When we come into the season, Mellie does have things managed on the marital front. But I think Fitz and Liv have an inexplicable attraction to one another. People may be surprised to discover what certain motives are in the situations they’ve been working in.”
“We always end an episode in one place and by the time you reach 20 minutes into another, we’re in a completely different place”
As for the state of Fitz and Olivia’s relationship, she says they’re definitely ‘not finished.”
What do you think of Shonda’s response?
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @jazminedenise.
This is a two-part question. 1) If you take a man back after he cheats, have you essentially given him a pass to do it again? And 2) Is leaving a man after he cheats the only consequence that makes him understand the gravity of what he did? The answer to both questions is…it depends.
Universal rules for relationships, despite what most say, are almost nonexistent. What won’t be acceptable to one person may be completely OK to another. The only people who need to be governing what happens in their relationships, are the two (or more if you’re into that kind of thing) people involved. I stress the aforementioned points because I want whoever reads this to understand that there is no real answer to this question of forgiving a cheater. It really does depend on who you are.
First, one must define what is considered cheating. Is it a kiss? Sexual intercourse? Time spent? Does emotional cheating weigh more than physical cheating? Or is it the actual act that is considered cheating and the intentions irrelevant? Once cheating is defined, one must acknowledge what they’re actually upset about. Is it the possibility of someone’s health being jeopardized? Is the threat of emotional cheating what really causes the anger? Does the fact a man considered leaving the relationship for another woman what hurts or is it a combination of all these things?
As adults, we all understand people will only do to you what you allow. There is a chance a man who has cheated and plead his way back into the relationship will feel as if he’s been given a free pass to act on it again. Particularly, in situations where he might’ve felt he didn’t really lose a woman during the process. He simply had to wait her out. On the other side of the spectrum, men are humans and humans make mistakes. Even if a man has made a conscious decision to cheat, it still counts as a mistake (though I’m positive this fact will likely change a woman’s perspective on the behavior). Once he’s been caught, it might be the reality check he needed to realize his woman is more important than the cheap thrills he can find in flings with other women. There’s no real way to be able to say what will happen objectively. The outcome is highly influenced by a number of factors which would have to be determined based on the people involved and what has actually taken place.
If a woman discovers she’s been cheated on, I would tell her to take a step back and assess the situation. Gather as many facts as possible. Take a long look at the man she’s with. Take a look at herself in the mirror. Evaluate the situation as a whole. If she believes there’s something that can be salvaged in the relationship and thinks herself strong enough to deal with a possible repeat offense, staying might be the best course of action. In contrast, if a woman believes there is no possible way she’ll ever have peace because of his actions, leaving would be my first suggestion. The objective in a relationship is to be happy with the person you’re with. I would tell anybody, man or woman, if there’s something telling you that you can’t be happy with that person, walk away.
If a woman can’t be happy with the person she’s with the relationship is bound for failure. She should cut her losses and move on.
For more on RealGoesRight’s opinions on men and women, be sure to check him out with the all-star collective of black men writers over on SingleBlackMale.Org. If you prefer something a bit more direct, feel free to follow him on Twitter at @RealGoesRight and subscribe to his blog at RealGoesRight.Com.
I was watching the movie Something Borrowed for the first time the other day and couldn’t believe a movie starring Kate Hudson could be so ratchet…yet so good. Even though I feel like her and Katherine Heigl star in the same movies over and over, this one had me glued to the screen. It’s about a woman who ends up falling for her best friend’s fiancé even though she was the one who initially hooked them up. To this girl’s credit, the friend was an absolute jerk. Still, I always think it’s awkward when your boo and your bestie had a close friendship that preceded your relationship, or when it seems he has more fun with her than you. These behaviors could make you uncomfortable, and might be a cause for concern, especially if your man and best friend are a little too close for your liking.
1. They have one too many “inside jokes”
I used to hate when people abused that “insider” hashtag on Facebook and Twitter. If the joke is so personal, get the heck off Google Chrome and chuckle it up in person. Now imagine, your boo and your best friend constantly giving each other side-eyes and getting their Def Comedy Jam on while you’re sitting there looking lost like, “What is so damn funny?” If your man cares about you, he won’t repeatedly risk your comfort level at the expense of a good punch line. If you find yourself like Drake outside of the Miami Heat locker room and never in on the joke, there’s a chance that’s not the only thing you’re not in on.
Police officers were called to the Colorado home of Denver Nuggets player Ty Lawson and his pregnant reality TV star girlfriend Ashley King aka Ashley Pettiford, TMZ reports.
When authorities arrived on the scene, Ashley, who is most known for her role on Oxygen reality show Bad Girls Club, tearfully told officers that she and Ty got into a verbal disagreement after she overheard him on the phone speaking to another woman the night before. She reportedly went on to say that after the argument, she began packing her things to leave, but Ty stopped her by shoving her onto the bed. According to reports she reacted by throwing his phone and breaking it. In turn, he reportedly placed her phone under water.
Ashley, who is six months pregnant, went on to tell police that despite being shoved, she was sure that her baby was okay because she felt it moving around after the incident. Both Ashley and Ty were placed under arrest. Ashley was arrested for criminal mischief due to the damage she’d done to Ty’s phone. Ty was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence and criminal mischief for the damage he’d done to Ashley’s phone. They were both later released from jail on $1,000 bond.
Cheating should never happen in a relationship, but when it does, it can most definitely take a huge toll on not only the bond that you have with your partner, but your emotional, mental, and physical wellness. Though it isn’t easy, it is possible to overcome infidelity in a relationship. But, it requires a lot of work, time, and a strong desire to make things better. If you’re dealing with infidelity, here are 14 ways to overcome it, and in the end come out with an even stronger relationship.
For all you fellow followers of “Love & Hip Hop: ATL,” who know it’s fake but like the drama anyway (you always got to add that disclaimer because folks just won’t let other folks be entertained): Mary Jane was on the Big Tigger Show recently explaining why she accepted Kirk’s Golden Ticket to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate-covered Peanut Head Sex Factory.
“Did the pregnancy part cross my mind, no I wasn’t thinking about that. I was thinking about us being at the cabin, having a good time; him having a good time; him putting himself in a single man’s position. And I am a single woman. You know, Mary Jane does music; I turnt up; I have a good time. Everybody knows I’m the life of the party. So that is the only thing I was focused on. I was focused on winning the strip poker game. But obviously I lost. But you know it is what, it is. And hey, he was in a single man’s position so I treated him like a single man…”
And that is when all Hell broke lose on the air. First Bambi turnt up in the form of an on-air call to renew her 15 minutes. And then came a stream of callers, mostly from women, who accused the “Hide Yo Husband” tweeter of betraying the female species by stepping out with a married man. To which Mary Jane responded, “I wasn’t trying to be in her lane. I wasn’t trying to be his wife. I didn’t ask him to marry me. I was being a single woman, doing what I do…”
I know this is not going to sit well with some folks, especially those fresh off of dealing with the philandering peen of a “significant” other, but I have to say that Mary Jane does have a point: why are we mad at her, when we should be mad – and mad only – at Kirk?
Nothing is more hurtful and confusing than being cheated on, this point I know very well. But also having been on the other side of that spectrum, I also see how unequal the blame is distributed among the guilty (and so-called guilty). In my situation, I had asked the guy I was messing with if he was in a relationship. He told me that he was in love with someone but that they were constantly on and off and at that moment, they were off. “I hope that one day we can work it out but I don’t know sometimes,” he told me. Now I could have gone all Dr. Phil and got to the root of his relationship strife but quite frankly, I figured that he would know his relationship status better than I would. And his respect for that said relationship would keep him from first, propositioning me so boldly for a date; and secondly actually gone on a date with me. The only thing I can really assume is that he is single? Either that or a liar. Plus I did my due-diligence by asking him straight up. And that he had every opportunity to think about the home-front and back out of what he knew was about to go down, before it went down.
Well some time later, after we had parted, for some odd reason Mr. On Again, Off Again, decided to cleanse his soul and confess his sins to his significant other. Actually I think he ended up confessing some other things because all of a sudden, I have this random and anonymous woman giving me side-eyes and dragging my name through the mud in our social circle. A mutual friend finally cued me in to the fact that this was Mr. On Again, Off Again’s wife. And that they had been married for almost a decade. Now that’s uncomfortable. Hoping to squash this beef and set the record straight, I reached out to his wife and apologized if our fling had hurt her and that I was not interested in pursuing anything from him. I also told her that he wasn’t exactly honest with me neither. Well she wasn’t trying to hear it. And continued on speaking ill of me and making snide comments about me whenever I was around.
At first I felt really ashamed and guilty. My intentions were not to interfere in someone’s relationship and hurt anyone; my intention was to get some peen from a man, who professed himself to be single and ready to mingle. And yet my desire for intimate companionship was now the source of someone’s relationship falling apart. But then pictures of those two starting getting around of them having midnight strolls on the beach and sharing a single ice cream sundae and I’m like, hold up? Why are you around here throwing daggers at me with one hand while the other hand is handcuffing the very source of your problem?
Oh now I see what’s really happening here: It was easier to make me out into some sort of magical Sapphire-Lilith temptress, whose intoxicating allure was too strong for the delicate naivete of her dude, who was helpless in the ways of such wicked womanly witchcraft. It was easier to believe that I had drugged him and tricked him back to my (and his) spot than to believe that he was a willing participant. The thing is, if only my poon came with that sort of power, I certainly wouldn’t be wasting it on your cheating A$$ dude? Heck with that kind of P-power, I could have Idris Elba. And if I did have that power, I most certainly would have Idris Elba with a side of Lance Gross.
But enough about my superpower wish list, my point is that if it wasn’t me, or a Mary Jane-type figure, it would have been somebody else. Because men, who are out to cheat, will cheat. That is evident by the fact that many cheating men will lie about their deeds in addition to cheating. And even among those men who don’t necessarily aim to be unfaithful, also know full-well about the consequences of their decision. So there is really no trickery or debauchery there. Just good ole fashion lack of will-power and respect for their significant other. And to deny those cheaters accountability, while placing the blame and guilt squarely on a third party, who by all intents and purposes is a virtual stranger to you and your situation, sounds kind of jaded. Not only is it pessimistic about relationships but men in general. After all, how much faith can you really have in a dude, whom you feel is so easily distracted, swayed and that incapable of good-decision making when he is not in your presence?
Man! Last night was a hot mess. From the fallout between Erica’s mom, Momma Dee and Erica to Rasheeda getting her Angela Bassett on and attempting, unsuccessfully, to burn Kirk’s clothes in the front lawn, there was a lot going on. So let’s dive in.
The Daily Mail recently reported that according to a new survey, women are cheating almost as much as men now with the advancement of technology and financial freedoms. There are more ways to cheat, and economic independence plays a part in that as well.
A National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey states that the number of women cheating on their husbands has spiked significantly by 40 percent to 14.7 percent over the last 20 years while the number of men cheating on their wives has leveled off at a semi-steady 21 percent.
As Yanyi Djamba, director of the AUM Center for Demographic Research says, “Men are still more likely to cheat than women. But the gender gap is closing.”
The report states that while one in four men use an “unhappy marriage” defense as to why they cheat, one in two women use the same excuse for their increasing cheating habits.
What was most interesting in this study that has been developed over 40 years is that it states that women who cheat and are more likely to report their extramarital trysts are African American, executive managers, and Southerners. I’m not quite sure what to make of that data, but it sure is interesting.
What seems to be common knowledge among many is that women just might be cheating as much if not more than men these days – they just don’t get caught as easily.
Alton Ambramowitz, the president of the Chicago-based American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers stated that in the past ten years he had seen a significant increase in the number of divorces due to women cheating. He stated that women were “much more discreet about it” and that they had seen an “uptick in those cases.”
Not only do more women allegedly find casual sex appealing just as much as the other sex, but affair-matchmaking sites like Ashley Madison are on the rise. Really? A website dedicated to facilitating infidelity? Talk about a culture shift.
With the many stories I have heard of infidelity on the woman’s part over the years, I’m wondering if the big news is not that women cheat as much as men, but that they are becoming more careless in hiding their extramarital affairs. Hmm…
Do you believe that women cheat as much as men these days? Do you think that that’s shocking?
June 18th was a big day for black music.Which is fitting because it is Black music month. Kanye’s album came out. Kelly Rowland’s album came out and J Cole’s album dropped.
I liked a few songs from Yeezus. I’m falling more and more in love with Talk A Good Game more and more each day (So happy for her.); but Born Sinner, J Cole’s album is the one that’s left the greatest impression.
J Cole is a storyteller. His lyrics are the right balance of deep and seemingly lighthearted but always thoughtful and introspective. There are moments when he gives history lessons. Moments when he’s a typical man, steadily on the prowl for the poon. Moments of the stereotypical Hip Hop bravado. And moments when he inspires. The album feels authentic. You believe what J Cole’s rapping about.
Which is why his song “Sparks Will Fly,” the last song on the album is so…unsettling.
If you know anything about J Cole, you know that he’s a college educated rapper. And while he was studying at St. John’s University in New York, he met and started dating his long time girlfriend when he was just a freshman. I feel some type of way about revealing her name, although a quick Google search will show and tell you who the girl is.
Anyway, in “Sparks Will Fly,” Cole explains how his newfound fame has put a strain on their relationship. In what sounds like a open letter to his lady, Cole says that he knows her friends have tried to persuade her to leave him alone but he makes a case for himself arguing “What if Gina had listened to Pam?” (I chuckled.) Then in the second verse, he talks about the role he’s played in their relationship struggles.
I know my style ain’t perfect
I know my smile ain’t perfect
N***a ain’t perfect, it’s true
Funny though I am perfect for you
All the drama seem worth it for you
She put up with the Isht like she work at the zoo, true
Now what you crying for?
She says you ain’t gon’ settle down, what you lyin’ for?
She want that old thing back
Things ain’t the same, think we both seen that
Love is war, end up on the floor
But baby you only lose when you don’t swing back
I say those words hoping that,
You fight for a N***a like I fight for you
Like I fight temptations every night for you
And know I slip, only girl in my life is you
That last line though. All I could do was grunt when it was over. And though, I felt like I was listening to something I shouldn’t have been; the song is so personal, I was still in my feelings. There are so many women who know that story. And they aren’t dating rappers either. I don’t know if it’s the women mature faster than women excuse or the fact that men with options are going to take them; but we all know a story of a man who loved a woman, but strayed or slipped sexually.
When I came to work the next day and my coworkers were discussing the album, I asked if they’d made it to “Sparks Will Fly” yet. Keep in mind our office is predominately women. Once it was over they had the same reaction I did. The grunt, coupled with an eye roll. One of them even said, half jokingly, that she didn’t like Cole anymore. And then came the discussion.
One of my coworkers argued that J Cole at least deserved points for being honest with her. In her opinion, his girlfriend can make an honest decision about where their relationship is going if she knows all the facts. My other coworker didn’t agree. She said just because he’s being honest about his past indiscretions doesn’t mean that he’s going to step away from the relationship. In her experience, men tried to “have their cake and eat it too,” sleeping with randoms, all while returning to the main chick, the woman he really loves, whenever convenient. When I mentioned that nothing in the song said he wouldn’t do it again, coworker #1 said, it would be best if she bounced. Coworker # 2 argued that it would need to be a decision they both make together. He needs to decide what he’s going to do with his life, whether he can be monogamous or not and stick to it, not trying to contact or bother her while he sleeps around.
I agreed with both of them but believe that it really is her decision to make. She can decide to be done. And even if he tries to contact her or reach out, she can decide not to answer the phone or see him. Naturally, it would be very difficult if she still loves him, but really she’s in the position of power.
I love love and in my opinion, best case scenario, in a few years all of that will be out of his system and she’ll have him back. But there’s always that risk that she finds somebody else in the interim or his sleep around years last entirely too long.
I bring this all up because this is not just a rapper’s story. And I wondered what some of you would do if placed in this same situation. You love this man. He loves you too but he keeps “slipping.” Would you wait this “wild” phase out? Would you keep the lines of communication open? Or could you remain in this relationship, knowing that although he might get around, he’ll eventually come back to you? And if that was an option for you, how would you feel about the nation and world knowing the intimacies of your relationship drama? Furthermore, have any of you ever done this already? It is, after all, quite common.
What do you think? Sound off.
Many people worry that the only solution to this problem is to avoid anyone of the opposite sex — but that’s simply not true! Think about it: If you were to follow this advice to the extreme, half the world would be off-limits to every married person!
Men and women interact all the time despite the reality that a sexual attraction could spark between them. Well-dressed women sit at the boardroom table with dapper men, stylish female sales representatives drop in on male doctors during lunch breaks and well-built male physical trainers gently place their female clients’ body parts in the proper positions on the elliptical machine. Moreover, men and women interact in work cubicles, university lab benches, art, acting and yoga studios throughout the world.
Can people who are potentially sexually attracted to each other form friendships and still be true to their marriage? I believe they can. It is possible to be open to spending time with, work, study or create side-by-side with someone of the opposite sex (if heterosexual) or of the same sex (if gay or lesbian). But as the friendship evolves, it’s the responsibility of the married individual to pay attention to the nature of the relationship. Feeling comfortable around someone is a blessing. But if you or they are starting to feel very close emotionally, it may be a big warning sign.
When you are with someone who could tempt you to compromise your commitment to your spouse, ask yourself one question: Is this new person a friend of my marriage? If he or she is a great buddy of yours, but doesn’t care to know about, or interact with, your spouse, then that could spell trouble for your marriage. I discuss this in detail in my new book, The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity.
Drawing The Line Between Friendship And Something More:
If you’re not sure about what kind of friend this is, it may take some soul searching on your part. There are instances when it’s not clear whether someone has crossed a boundry and become a threat to the marriage. In those cases, you must seek the opinion of the one person who matters most: your spouse.
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