All Articles Tagged "infidelity"

‘You’re Traveling And Girls Are Throwing It At You And Sometimes You’re Catching It:’ Mekhi Phifer On Malinda Williams Divorce

March 13th, 2014 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Mekhi Phifer & Malinda Williams

Mekhi Phifer and Malinda Williams appear to have an amazing co-parenting relationship. They seem to get along so well, that most people forget that they were once unhappily married. But the “Divergent” actor says that once him and Malinda put their relationship differences aside, they actually became great friends and even better co-parents.

“I was young, I was like 24 years old and that’s tough being that young in this business, where I was at in this business and being in a tumultuous relationship,” he confessed during a recent interview with Power 105.1′s The Breakfast Club.

“You try to do the right thing, me and her have a son together,” he continued. “Being in that kind of relationship and that jump in my career at that age, it was tough. I can’t front arguing at home and going through all of that because we were both young and with both our A-type personalities—but we’re really good peoples now. We’re better off, like we’re happily divorced, we’re better off friends and we’re raising our son together.”

Though all is well now, Mekhi briefly discussed some of the problems that he encountered during his marriage to Malinda—some of which seem to have been the result of him being unfaithful.

“At the time it was crazy. For a lack of a better term, you’re traveling and girls are throwing it at you and sometimes your catching it,” he confessed. “[I wasn't cheating] the whole time but you know we were only married for less than a year.”

He adds that for a large portion of their marriage, they were living under the same roof, but separately.

“There was a point where because I bought us a house and we were living on opposite sides of the house. We were technically married but you’re going two or three days living in the house and you aren’t even talking to, you talking about walking up and down the stairs past each other and you aren’t even talking. Then you got out in the world and you have your own group of friends and she has her peoples and you just become separate.”

Of course breakups are never easy, even in relationships that we desperately need to break away from, but Mekhi says it was a huge relief once things were officially over.

“I was kind of relived. I had developed this bald spot in the back of my hair because I was stressed and I didn’t even know it was stress. But once we got separated and I didn’t make it hard, I left her with the house and all of that and just left. I left with my clothes and my whip so then I was cool.”

Though he was relieved to call it quits, he believes that the split was a bit more difficult for Malinda, who later did an interview with Honey magazine where she painted him as an adulterer.

“I guess she was still affected by it. She did this whole Honey article.”

Interestingly, despite previously admitting that he may have slept around while out on the road, he insists that there is no proof of him being a cheater because even though he and Malinda were technically still married at the time of his indiscretions, they were broken up.

“There was no proof of that,” he reasoned. “I said we were basically separated, we were only married a year and then we were technically married but we weren’t together. Yeah but there was no proof of that.”

We can totally respect their ability to put their relationship differences aside to be the best possible parents to their child.

Source: Instagram

Source: Instagram

Watch Mekhi’s full interview on the next page. Thoughts?

Teddy’s Not The Only One To Blame: Tina Takes Responsibility For Her Role In Relationship Breakdown

March 11th, 2014 - By Veronica Wells
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Source: C Nikky.com

Source: C Nikky.com

Tina has been very open about her relationship issues, specifically her husband, Teddy’s infidelity. And while she spoke to us exclusively about how she was able to make it through that dark period in her life, she’s never spoken about the mistakes she’s made throughout the course of their relationship.

That was until she spoke to CNikky.com recently. In the interview, Tina acknowledged that while Teddy was the one who ultimately stepped out, she’d made mistakes of her own.

“I, Tina assume full responsibility for the issues that I contributed to the relationship.  I was controlling, talked too much.  And you can never be heard over me because when I wanna talk I got the floor and ain’t nobody gonna get it from me until I give it up.  Real talk. 

That was the way it was and I have to work on myself. You know what I mean?  I was selfish.  When we started having children it’s like, I forget that I have a responsibility as a wife.  And I’m questioning you like, ‘Really, what you want me to do?  I gotta baby!’  Even though that’s sometimes what you’re faced with, that ain’t the right spirit to do it in. And what happens is, you’re going on and you’re busy and you’ve got children and you’ve got work.  And what happens is your husband is last and you don’t realize that he’s last.  And if he has a problem with being last you’re like,’Well, what am I supposed to do?  You know that I’ve got a career?  You know that I’ve got these babies, you’re the one that got me pregnant!’ 

You want your husband to be the man and to take his place, but because ‘I’m a strong woman, I’m a this woman and I’m a that woman’ we busy stepping on our man.  Making him feel small.  And you know what?  I did that.  And I take responsibility for that.”

Then she explained why Teddy, her husband, cheated.

“I know that I look good.  I know that I’m sexy.  I know that there’s not a problem when the doors are closed.  I know that I contribute well to my household as a woman and all of that.  And that’s not fronting and that’s not lying.  I know that.  But, when there is a lack of intimacy and there’s distance, how beautiful you are, how much you bring it and how sexy you…that does not matter!  Because you want to feel valued and when you don’t feel valued, sometimes you make the choices to go somewhere else where somebody’s paying a lot more attention and that’s what happened.”

I know there are several other outlets reporting this story as if Tina was saying she was taking responsibility for Teddy cheating. But that’s just not the case. She’s simply saying she wasn’t perfect in the relationship and she knows why her husband ultimately decided to cheat.

But what do you think about Tina’s comments?

“I’ve Been With The Father Of My Twins For Four Years And I Know He Is Cheating On Me”

March 2nd, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From Essence

Dr. Sherry,

I’ve been with the father of my twins for four years and I know he is cheating on me. I have the password to unlock his phone and I’ve seen text messages from other women from dating sites. I even got into his Facebook account and saw that he was messaging other women. Then, I checked his voicemail and I heard a message from another woman. One day, we got into a fight and he told me that he’d only been with me for the last four years because of our twins. I honestly don’t think he loves me at all; he doesn’t even know I found out all of this stuff.

I even set up a fake profile and he responded to and said he was single. When he used to talk about me to other people at a class he would call me his “baby mother,” not “girlfriend.” Over Facebook, he asked a woman in the class if he can gown down on her. Now, again, he doesn’t know I know all of this. I broke up with him and told him he was free to sleep with whomever, but now he keeps trying to sleep with me! He also denies cheating altogether. What do I do with this liar?

Signed,

Anonymous

Well, they say when you go snooping you’ll always find what you’re looking for. See who Dr. Sherry says has the real problem in this relationship on Essence.

Caught In The Act: I Pretended To Be Another Woman Online And My Boyfriend Tried To Date Me

February 28th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From Essence 

Dr. Sherry,

I’ve been with the father of my twins for four years and I know he is cheating on me. I have the password to unlock his phone and I’ve seen text messages from other women from dating sites. I even got into his Facebook account and saw that he was messaging other women. Then, I checked his
Voicemail and I heard a message from another woman. One day, we got into a fight and he told me that he’d only been with me for the last four years because of our twins. I honestly don’t think he loves me at all; he doesn’t even know I found out all of this stuff.

I even set up a fake profile and he responded to and said he was single. When he used to talk about me to other people at a class he would call me his “baby mother,” not “girlfriend.” Over Facebook, he asked a woman in the class if he can gown down on her. Now, again, he doesn’t know I know all of this. I broke up with him and told him he was free to sleep with whomever, but now he keeps trying to sleep with me! He also denies cheating altogether. What do I do with this liar?

Signed,

Anonymous

Read Dr. Sherry’s response at Essence.com 

“God, I’m Probably Going To Hell.” Tina Campbell Talks Being In A Dark Place & How Her Faith Brought Her Out

February 27th, 2014 - By Veronica Wells
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By now, you’ve probably heard that Tina Campbell and her husband Teddy are trying to recover from infidelity on his part. While Tina ultimately decided to allow the cameras into her life while they worked on their healing, she said she might have made a different decision if she had known what it was going to entail.

She didn’t realize how broken down she was going to be. In our exclusive interview she speaks about her dark thoughts.

“I think people need to see what real life looks like. It’s not all this ‘Heavenly Father, I’m in a bad way.’ Like I’m probably going to go to hell but before I leave I’m taking some people with me. Either you gon’ help me or this is the way it’s going to be. This is the way I was talking to God because I was in a bad way…it was that bad.” 

Tina said initially she thought revenge was the answer. But quickly realized that avenging herself didn’t relieve any of the hurt. And it was then that she decided to get back to her foundation. During this time, where she was studying the Bible and speaking candidly with God that  she learned her faith wasn’t as strong as it appeared to be on stage.

Erica also explained how she was there for her sister at this time and how the family came together to help her get through this.

Check out the very real and very moving interview in the video above.

Be sure to tune into WeTV tonight and every Thursday at 9/8c to find out how Tina gets through this situation and what else is going on with the Marys.

“My Husband Talks Badly About Me To His Exes”

February 23rd, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From Essence

Dr. Sherry,

I’ve been in a relationship for almost 13 years and we have been married for five. My problem is that my husband is continuously inappropriately emailing his ex-girlfriends and starting conversations to catch up with them. This leads up to ‘I miss you’ and ‘how things would have been,’ type conversations, and sometimes he even tells them that he loves them. The first time was from 2010-2012, when he began an online relationship with one of his exes. They talked about their good old days and he stated that when he had his stroke a few years back no one was there for him. This is untrue; I was there every day in therapy and even had him released early from the rehab facility when he asked to come home. Throughout this time I was working two jobs to take care of our family because he lost his job, and he would constantly tells us that he hates us and refused to help around the house.

The second time this happened was earlier this year, when I walked passed the computer and saw an email saying ‘I miss you’ and I made him open it. He went on again to start a casual conversation, which again led up to him speaking of feelings for her and stating how he hates to use his ex-girlfriend when he discusses their status. I feel belittled by this, I have been the sole provider for our family of 10 for over a year now, and I feel unappreciated, we just started counseling again with our pastor and were asked what can be done to save our marriage, and I can’t think of one thing. I have tried to keep lines of communication open, but he never wants to talk to me. I feel alone in our marriage and I am ready to just be by myself. I am lost and do not know what to do?

Help,

Anonymous

We thought we knew what the answer to this would be, but Dr. Sherry’s response might surprise you.  Are you buying her breakdown? Read more on Essence.

When It Rains It Pours: Mary Mary Talk Infidelity, Vocal Problems & Their Father’s Passing

February 14th, 2014 - By Veronica Wells
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Mary Mary has been through a lot in the past year. And as they’re prepping for their third season of their hit eponymous WE TV series, they spoke to JET Magazine about some of the toughest challenges they’ve ever had to face.

Erica explained how fans will get to see how they reacted to all of it. ““You see our faith shine, but it was not easy at all– and it won’t look easy watching it,” said Erica about the series.  “A lot of people will see themselves.  There was so much damage and yet still so much work to be done. I learned that every wound doesn’t have to leave a scar that remains for the rest of your life.”

While they were smiling and spreading the gospel through song for their fans, behind closed doors, Tina was dealing with Teddy’s infidelity, Erica ruptured her vocal chords just as she’s breaking out into her own solo career, their relationship with manager Mitchell is on the rocks and the entire Campbell family is coping with the death of their father.

Referencing her personal relationship with Teddy, Tina said, “I still believe in God and love. I will not live in the horrible space of ‘I’m going to fix him’ or ‘I hate men and marriage.’ You do that for a moment and realize it doesn’t undo anything.” 

Erica spoke about how she supported her sister during this trying time saying, “I’ve always been her protector. We are ride or die for each other. When she hurts. I hurt.” 

Tina’s strategy in getting through all of this is learning to let go of the reigns a little bit. “I’ve tried to have all the answers and my life became filled with chaos and anxiety. So now I don’t go overboard thinking I must had things right all the time.” 

The ladies, who are working solo now, each have different projects. Tina is working on a book of devotionals and Erica’s solo album is set to be released on March 25.

Mary Mary’s issue of Jet will hit newsstands, Monday, February 17th.

“Mary Mary” returns to WE TV on February 27th.

You can read more from their interview and check out the behind the scenes video, here. 

Forgive And Forget…Again: Is Infidelity Becoming The New Faithful?

February 11th, 2014 - By Liz Lampkin
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In today’s societal relationships it seems as though love triangles are prevalent and the accepted norm. As we recall the relationship and love triangles of Love and Hip Hop New York‘s Tara, Amina, Peter Gunz, and of course, the ongoing saga of a relationship that is Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union, or Ludacris and Eudoxie, one can’t help but wonder if infidelity is the new faithful?

If you look at each relationship mentioned, the common denominator with the two situations include men who were openly unfaithful and each woman they are (or were) involved with forgiving them. When Tara boldly told Amina about her sexual encounters with Peter, Amina’s immediate reaction was what is to be expected from reality TV… tears, yelling and storming out. But then, shortly after her performance, she entered back in the room and kindly asked Tara, the woman her “husband” admitted to sleeping with, if she could have a moment alone to snap on him. From there, they talked, she ignored him for a few days, Peter apologized, and then the two kissed and made up for the time being; but we all know Peter has a special place in his mind, heart and pants for Tara. Not to mention, she is the mother of his children (though Amina is allegedly about to be the mother of his child as well…).

What is it about a man that makes it okay for him to be untrue to a woman he claims to love or have deep feelings for? To take things further, what makes the woman forgive him? It is my belief that a woman forgives her lover’s transgressions because she thinks she’ll change him; she’s comfortable with him and doesn’t want to start over, and in other cases, some women are prone to push monogamy on men when they aren’t ready. While there may be a plethora of other reasons why some women stay with philandering partners, these three top my list. Many women who are with men with wandering eyes have the tendency to think they are the answer to their infidelity, and she has the ability to change the cheating ways with what she does or who she is. But the hard truth of the matter is you can’t. The only thing you can change on a man is his diaper, and even then he’ll be resistant.

Complacency is something that becomes common with lovers. This happens when a person is comfortable with someone and they are comfortable with who they’ve shown themselves to be, so the connection instantly becomes a part of who they are; plus, the thought of starting over can be hard to deal with. You have to get accustomed to another person’s habits, and in turn, they have to do the same for you, and the truth is, they may not like who you are. So rather than stepping out and starting over, a number of women choose to stay where they are most comfortable, even if that means they stay wholeheartedly with someone who isn’t all the way there with them.

The last reason mentioned above is what I believe is one of the most common reasons men are unfaithful to women: They are forced into monogamy without being ready! So many men are involved with women whose biological clocks are ticking that they often pressure a man/men into commitment. How do you ask? By giving ultimatums, slightly mentioning marriage every chance they get, threatening to walk away with their kids, and so on and so on. And when a man knows he has a good woman but is not quite ready to fully commit, he does what he thinks she wants in an effort to sustain the relationship, but he also does what he wants with other women because he wants his cake and to eat it too.

While betrayal in relationships is nothing new, the cycle can be easily broken if women keep these simple things in mind: If a man wants to be with you he’ll be with you; if a man wants to be faithful to you he will, and if he doesn’t he won’t; and you’re worth more single than you are with a cheating man. Ladies, don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve in life and in relationships. If you know your mate is stepping out on you, know that the option to step out on him and walk into something new with someone better is always there…but it’s up to you to take advantage of it or not.

How many times has your lover, spouse or significant other cheated on you? How many times have you forgiven them? What is something you deem a dealbreaker?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her in Twitter @Liz_Lampkin

Should I Have Issues With My Man’s Instagram Likes?

February 8th, 2014 - By Toya Sharee
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My parents probably laugh at what we call relationship problems today, but the truth is social media has created more reasons for couples to over-analyze and obsess and create even more insecurities.

As I was scrolling through my Instagram activity the other night I couldn’t help but notice that radio personality Big Tigger had liked a video with two women looking like they were about to showcase their skills on a sex toy.  It looked rated XXX so I didn’t even bother playing it, but I instantly thought, “Damn, isn’t he dating Keshia Knight-Pulliam?”  Now I’m not saying that man can’t like a girl’s picture without being attracted to her, and it’s far from cheating, but I can’t help but feeling like your partner’s social media behavior in many ways is a reflection of you.

This isn’t the first time Big Tigger has double tapped on pictures of KING-cover wannabes bent over displaying their behinds and/or breasts as the best part of their anatomy.  But in the next instant he’s posting photos of the new kicks he’s bought for Keshia. I don’t know about other women but I’d be bothered if my man’s social media consisted primarily of pictures of parading unclothed women and girls twerking and swinging on poles.  A man’s going to be a man, but can he do so a little more privately?

Maybe it’s not that serious.  I’ve clicked on plenty of pics of French bulldogs dressed in bow ties and Angela Simmon’s shoes without putting a whole lot thought into making that gray heart red.  That’s the thing about Instagram that I think cheapens it as a communication tool: It doesn’t require much thought or energy.  It doesn’t actually reflect what’s truly important to anyone.  I mean at least Twitter forces you to be clever in 140 characters.  Instagram unites the best of both worlds for those without much to contribute to social media or otherwise:  It allows people to sit in look pretty for those who are limited to visual stimulation.  Does that make me love it any less? No, but let’s be honest, Instagram is not the place to form the deepest connections.

With that said, I’m not encouraging girlfriends everywhere to clock their man’s Instagram behavior, but I‘m also reminding people about yet another way social media seriously can impact your reputation and the people you actually have authentic, real-life relationships with.  Don’t blame Twitter or Instagram for an already unhealthy relationship either.  What social media does have the potential to do is weaken an already unstable bond.  If you have a man who truly respects you, he’ll do so whether it’s in person or on his online profile.

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

 

I Don’t Understand This “Taking A Break” Business

January 16th, 2014 - By Toya Sharee
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"Ludacris and Eudoxie Agnan"

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You take a break at work when you need a latte.  You take a break while working out to catch your breath and take a swig of Powerade.  You might even need a break from your kids when you feel like it’s either a criminal record and jail time or closing your door for 10 minutes so you can locate your maternal instincts.  But relationship breaks I don’t understand.  Taking a break from your boyfriend is like inviting miscommunication and infidelity into your relationship.

Long before Dwyane Wade and Ludacris were creating love-children outside of their long-term relationships, Ross from Friends was the reigning king of “We were on a break!” If his relationship with Rachel serves as any kind of warning to women, it should be that men don’t interpret breaks the same way we do.  To most men, a break equals a break up with perks.  It’s a fall back from the relationship itself, which indicates that there will be no more regular sex, daily phone calls and other things that serve as proof that you’re committed to someone.  Most men aren’t going to freely admit, “I’m lonely and insecure.  I got used to having someone next to me every night and you just up and cut that off.  In the meantime I’ll substitute you with someone else.”  It’s not necessarily that they’re able to move on quickly, they’re just great at making it appear that way.  Naturally, it’s easier for men to compartmentalize their emotions; to them you’re either together or you aren’t.  When you start playing the “it’s complicated” game, it gets easily misconstrued and that’s when feelings gets hurt.  It takes a lot of maturity to successfully navigate a break and make the most of it to improve a relationship.  It’s a level of maturity that most people don’t possess.

You have to be clear about exactly what the break means and what you hope to accomplish with it.  Do you get to see other people?  Do you get to sex other people?  What exactly can occur in this pseudo-single lifestyle?  This is where breaks get pointless to me.  It’s one thing to need a couple of days to cool off, but if you think you’re trying to prove a point by putting a man’s pen*s on punishment for a month, you’re probably playing yourself.

Long before Ross was creating catch phrases, I had a best friend in high school who damn near invented “the break”.  After sleeping with a guy who then turned clingy, she promptly told him they should fall back and go back to being friends for a while and then work their way up.  I remember thinking of how pointless (good game, but pointless) that was then and I still feel the same way now. What the hell is the point of taking a break and not just going your separate ways?  I’ve been in a relationship for more than 7 years now and I can testify that sometimes turning off your cell phone, retreating to your own place and bashing your man with your best friends (or in a good journal) does a relationship good.  There’s nothing wrong with taking a few days to calm yourself down so you can focus on why you fell for your partner in the first place. But taking weeks or months to push re-occurring problems in your relationship to the back burner does nothing but make them eventually boil over.  If you and your partner can’t have a clear conversation about conflicts in the relationship, taking a break does nothing but put a Band-Aid on it.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  There are too many women that believe being in a relationship means being up under your partner 24/7.  When you start to dance on one another’s nerves (which inevitably happens) and folks start taking each other for granted, you then feel like a “break” is needed.  In all actuality, all you ever needed was a healthy balance of alone time invested into your separate lives.

Still, there will be couples who think that breaks are beneficial.  Fine, but then there is this whole recklessness of carelessly creating kids and bringing them into situations that grown people couldn’t even get together.  It’s immature, cowardly and unfair to everyone involved.  I mean, how much can you possibly care for someone if you didn’t have sense enough to use a condom correctly?  I don’t know all the details of these celebrities’ indiscretions, but it appears to be messy.  Relationships can be as messy as you want them to be without you pro-creating and adding more issues to the pile.

At their best, breaks allow a couple to realize how special what they have really is, but more often than not, couples use them to avoid problems that they should be working on or to soften the blow of the inevitable.  Choose your breaks wisely, because too many of them or even just one taken at the wrong time and without clear communication of what is expected just might make the whole thing fall apart.

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.