All Articles Tagged "infidelity"

Before There Was Lemonade, There Were These Songs And Albums About Cheating

April 26th, 2016 - By Nneka Samuel
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beyonce

With each effort, Beyoncé, the Queen of Slay and Innovation, continues to break the mold.  Her concept album Lemonade proves that with each song and its accompanying visuals, which something tells me we’ll be studying and unpacking for quite some time.  Lemonade also happens to be the singer’s most personal album to date.  Beyoncé opens up about infidelity in her marriage, sings about “Becky with the good hair” and promises her husband “You’re gonna lose your wife,” if he tries “this sh-t again.”  Thanks to Lemonade and the real life “Becky” who allegedly outed herself via social media, legions of Beyoncé fans turned against Racheal Ray with a quickness, accusing her of being “Becky.”  Oops! I mean Rachel Roy…

Among many things, all of this lemonade got us thinking about songs that speak to love, heartbreak, and cheating. Whether singers have been cheated on or did the cheating themselves, the issue is a common one in all kinds of music.  Here are some of the best-known songs that deal with infidelity.

There’s A Mattress Designed To Expose Cheaters

April 25th, 2016 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Corbis Images

Corbis Images

Only the boldest of cheaters would be so callous as to carry out their extramarital affairs in their homes…on the beds they share with their spouses. However, this apparently happens more often than you might think because Spanish inventors have gone as far as to design a mattress smart enough to detect infidelity.

According to Glamour, the bed, called the Smarttress, has a “Lover Detection System” that  utilizes 24 sensors to pick up on movement deemed “suspicious.” The mattress can also pick up on when it’s getting action during unusual hours of the day.

“If it detects suspicious activity regarding time of use, frequency, intensity, or speed, it sends a push notification to the terminal with which it is linked,” the Durmet spokesperson, Antonio Muiño, expressed.

According to Muiño, many cheaters in Spain carry out their affairs in their preferred place to get frisky, which is their homes.

“The Spaniards are the most unfaithful in Europe,” he said, adding: “the preferred place to make love for the Spanish is their own house.”

Resorting such measures to catch a cheater seems pretty extreme if you ask me because, honestly, when you know, you know. But if you think having a Smarttress will help you to sleep better at night—both literally and figuratively—go for it.

Does The More Money A Man Make Mean The More Likely He Is To Cheat?

April 14th, 2016 - By Erica R. Williams
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Corbis

Corbis

“If he can cheat, he will cheat.”

This is what I was told by a wealthy man who considered himself “lucky” enough to have both a wife and a girlfriend. He was living a double life in every sense of the word. He assumed that the two women knew of each other, but neither of them wanted to admit it. Admitting their knowledge would force them to deal with the fact that they were accepting blatant disrespect from a man. Of course, the offender didn’t see it like this. In fact, he had a quite convincing explanation (at least to himself). He said with certainty that if a woman dates a man with money and status she should expect to be cheated on, at least once.

Interestingly enough, on a recent episode of NBC’s The Carmichael Show entitled, “Everbody Cheats,” this same type of opinion was shared by the lead character, Jerrod, after the husband of a family friend was caught creeping. As Vulture’s recap of the episode put it:

“Jerrod is more concerned with the financials of Karen’s marriage. He believes that cheating is natural for successful rich people. According to Jerrod, an income of $50,000 to $100,000 — the bracket in which he himself lands — means a man has thought about doing it, but won’t act on those urges. Once a man cracks $100,000, he has definitely cheated.”

I am no relationship expert, but going into a relationship with the expectation of being cheated on sounds like a slap in the face to yourself. It’s like saying, “I’m not good enough for a man to be monogamous with, so I will just accept what I can get because…well…I want a man.”

This thinking sounds self-destructive. However, I am not at all surprised that some men (and women) have bought into this notion: If he can cheat with ease, he will cheat often. And if he’s rolling in dough, he will.

Let’s face it, more women than not prefer a man who is rich and powerful. Not too many women would say, “I want my man to be broke and powerless.” And in a society where status matters and old-fashioned rules are out the door, we don’t really know what people are dealing with behind closed doors to be in certain relationships. People want to be known and have flashy things. And even women who are doing well on their own often want a man who can provide the same, or better.

Usually, the more handsome or financially well off the man is, the easier it is for him to get a woman. If it’s easier for him to get a woman, wouldn’t this also make it easier for him to cheat? The man living a double life that I mentioned above sure thinks so. In fact, he was quick to tell his stories of sexual escapades with women who were keen to be with him because of who he was and what he had. The stories would seem adventurous to other men, but I’m almost positive his wife and girlfriend would find them horrific.

Still, he was quite certain they would never confront him about the “rumors” because he took care of them both, sexually and financially. His words, not mine.

A 2011 study conducted by professors at Tilburg University backs up this sentiment. More than 1,500 professionals were surveyed to examine the relationship between power and infidelity. Results showed that the more power a person had, the more likely he or she was to cheat. Power produced more confidence, in turn making the person even more attractive to others.

“If women want a faithful man,” the wealthy cheater said, “they need to get a broke man who doesn’t have a lot of options.”

Well damn, I thought; but as brash and insensitive as he sounded, I knew that he was probably right in some instances.

Tons of men with money and status are notorious for being put on blast publicly because of their scandalous ways. And many times we see their wives or significant others stand by their sides as if nothing ever happened. Maybe the “nothing” is something they have chalked up as coming with the territory. Could it be par for the course?

While I haven’t yet subscribed to the idea that all men cheat in relationships, I’m not naive enough to pretend that I don’t know that there are a large percentage who do. And while I get what the man said about men with money having more options, is there an expectation for them to cheat? And with that in mind, as a woman looking for a monogamous, healthy relationship, would you be so comfortable dating a wealthy man?

Nick Is The One Who Cheated. Why Are We So Angry With D’Angelo?

March 31st, 2016 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Nick Young

Splash News

Chances are, you’ve heard about the D’Angelo Russell and Nick Young debacle. If you haven’t, allow me to quickly catch you up to speed. D’Angelo recorded footage (see below) of Nick apparently admitting to cheating on his fiancée, Iggy Azalea. Somehow, the video later found its way to the Internet. Word on the street is that D’Angelo meant to send it to a friend on Snapchat, but accidentally made it public so that everyone could see it. Before he could delete it, someone snatched the footage, and it later surfaced on Fameolous.

 

At first glance, it definitely looks like a setup. It appears that D’Angelo strategically questioned Nick so that he could then expose him as a cheater; however, when you really think about it, it seems unlikely that this rookie would want to intentionally expose his teammate and friend. To me, it seems like a mistake that was made by an immature young man who plays entirely too much. However, regardless of his intent, this mistake will cost him quite a bit. He’s been labeled as a snitch, and some speculate that the only way that this situation can be made right is for the Lakers to trade D’Angelo. And even then, it’s assumed that D’Angelo will have a hard time because he can’t be trusted.  The public—professional athletes included— have made sport of dogging D’Angelo on social media.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

What he did was wrong. Dead wrong. But he’s not the only dishonest and deceitful party in this situation. So many people are going hard about dude violating guy code and locker room etiquette. Meanwhile, Nick is on camera admitting and even bragging about cheating on the woman who he’s supposed to be marrying in a few months. But D’Angelo is the primary one being dogged and Nick is getting the sympathy? What about the woman who was publicly embarrassed because the man she was getting ready to marry thinks it’s cute to cheat?

Nick Young

Twitter

 

I don’t get it.

To make matters worse, it’s not like this is the first time Nick has found himself in the midst of a cheating scandal. Last year, after he was accused of stepping out on the rapper, he told fans that he had more sense than to mess up a good thing by fooling around on Iggy.

Twitter

Twitter

Lo and behold, dude not only cheats, but he thinks it’s something to brag about. But D’Angelo is the lone rat in this situation? Yeah, okay.

If anything, D’Angelo may have stopped Iggy from making a huge mistake.

Update: Columbus Short Responds To Being Put On Blast “It Ain’t The First Time I’ve Been Homeless.”

March 29th, 2016 - By Veronica Wells
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Date night out with the hubs @officialcshort. #MeetTheShorts

A photo posted by Mrs. Karrine Short (@karrineandco) on

 

Update: While Columbus was sitting silent in the video Karrine posted, several hours later, he had a few things to say about what seems to be their breakup on Twitter. 

See what he had to say. 

(Did this dude just spell her name incorrectly?) 

Man…when you’re homeless, you definitely shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds and shelters you. Smh… hopefully Columbus will learn one day. 

 

Karrine Steffans and Columbus Short have certainly had a whirlwind romance. Before we even had a chance to get used to these two as a couple, they were announcing that they were married. That was mid January.

Now, in late March, it seems that there might be trouble in paradise.

Well, not exactly “seems,” Karrine made it crystal clear on her Twitter page early this morning.

And as y’all know, Columbus Short is no stranger to mess and mayhem. And for whatever reason, there’s always a camera around to capture it.

Last night/early this morning, Karrine was holding that camera as she told the world that Short had been unfaithful. She even took the liberty of making it a bit easier for the blogs to find these women that he allegedly cheated with, by @ mentioning them in her Instagram post.

There was also a video. And the looks one or both of them didn’t take the news too kindly. Columbus’ belongings were strewn across the floor of what looked like some type of lobby. While Karrine spoke, Short sat silently in a chair.

You okay @officialcshort?

A video posted by Mrs. Karrine Short (@karrineandco) on

If you’ve followed Karrine’s Instagram page since January, you know that literally every other post is about her fabulous marriage to Columbus and how she’s never loved anyone as deeply as she loves him.

So naturally, it’s quite interesting to see this 180 degree turn.

I really don’t know what to say about these two. So, we’ll let you draw your own conclusions. Though, with Short’s history of domestic violence, I certainly hope she protects herself.

Kehlani, Ayesha Curry And The Double Standard When Women Cheat

March 28th, 2016 - By Veronica Wells
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kehlani

Source: Brian To/WENN.com

If you’ve been on Twitter today, you might have noticed that 20-year-old R&B artist Kehlani has been trending. Now, I know that many of you may not be familiar with Kehlani. And that’s fine. What we’re discussing today is more about relationships, double standard, and how to handle said drama when you’re in the public eye.

So what exactly happened with Kehlani?

Well, if you were at all familiar with her, you might have known that she was in a relatively new relationship with Cleveland Cavaliers player, 24-year-old Kyrie Irving. The two seemed to be going quite strong after celebrating their first Valentine’s Day together.

kehlani

Source: Instagram

But things took a left turn when Kehlani’s ex, a producer named PartyNextDoor, posted a very incriminating picture of the two in bed together.

kehlani

Source: Instagram

As you can tell, there are no faces, no body parts. But Kehlani has some very distinct tattoos. With that caption, the couple’s history, and the tussled sheets, it wasn’t hard for folks to surmise that they had slept together; which, if true, would mean that she cheated on Kyrie Irving.

In response, likely to the public backlash and her overflowing Instagram notifications, Kehlani, a new artist deleted her entire Instagram page, losing all of those followers. While she never addressed the picture directly, deleting an entire Instagram page, particularly as a new artist, is very close to an admission of guilt.

What happened afterward has been quite annoying. Men from all corners of the earth (read: young,  Black men in America) have been blasting Kehlani and the rest of “these hoes” who don’t know how to handle or appreciate “a nice guy.” Not having the full story about the current status of the couple’s relationship, not knowing if Irving is indeed a “nice guy.” And what I find particularly irritating is that when male artists, entertainers and athletes cheat on their wives and girlfriends, there is no trending topic. Men don’t call these other men hoes. They don’t express their allegiance to the “good girl” who was hurt privately and publicly humiliated. Instead, men shrug their shoulders and offer explanations about biology, monogamy and access when you have money like these public figures. Hell, some of them might even celebrate the man for being “out here.”

The discussion about PartyNextDoor and his foul ways have yet to cross my path.

In this whole discussion of Kehlani, Ayesha Curry’s name was also trending. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but ever since homegirl talked about her preference for covering up, men have placed her on a pedestal, pointing to her as a beacon for Black womanhood. I happen to like Ayesha Curry but I really resent the fact that much of the discussion surrounding her in our community is about berating and belittling other women in comparison to her. Men have been tweeting all day that they’re looking for an “Ayesha Curry in a world full of Kehlanis.” As my coworker brought to my attention, someone literally tweeted that Ayesha Curry was the last good, light-skinned girl out here. As if any of these men, spending their waking hours on social media, could be Steph on their best day, or would even know what to do with an Ayesha type.

This is all just a little background.

At the very end of the day, I feel sorry for Kehlani. Not because I’m excusing her infidelity; if that’s really what happened, but more so because I’m thinking about her career and her mental health. Having scads of angry, disconnected people from all over the internet trying to speak on your morals and character is enough to drive any sane person mad. Working on the internet, I know that feeling well. So even if she did make a mistake, I hope she has some positive and uplifting people in her corner who are keeping her off of social media and reminding her of all the good qualities she possesses. And I hope she’s truly internalizing that message.

But then there’s the career piece as well. No one, who is serious about their craft as an artist, wants scandal to be associated with their name before they’ve had a chance to prove themselves and blow up in the industry. But today, sadly, that’s the position in which Kehlani finds herself. Sadly, there will be tons of people who will hear about her for the very first time today, in relation to these allegations of cheating.

In an ideal world, this is what would have happened after PartyNextDoor posted that picture.

1. Kehlani called him and cussed him out for being messy and violating her privacy on the internet.

2. She did NOT, I repeat DID NOT delete her Instagram page.

3. She called Kyrie to explain what happened… if she’s still interesting in saving the relationship.

4. She offered NO explanation to the people of cyberspace. Deleting the page read guilty, while silence leaves room for question, doubt and, most advantageously, intrigue. People would have flocked to her social media channels looking for an explanation. And while there, they might have become more acquainted with her skills.

5. She would have either owned up to the infidelity, preferably with a new song. Or deny, deny, deny. She could have said this was an old picture. Could have said that her ex was messing with a copycat or hell, that they simply fell asleep after working on a song together. At the end of the day, the only person she needed to explain herself to, was Kyrie. Not us.

Hopefully, she can bounce back from all of this. Use this laser focus on her life either to her career advancement or to reconnect with the people who will continue to ride for her and her artistry.  But in the meantime, the fellas out there, looking to throw the first stone, should back back.

“I Was Homicidal And Suicidal”: Tina Campbell Contemplated Taking Her Life After Teddy’s Cheating Revelation

March 28th, 2016 - By Victoria Uwumarogie
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Tina Campbell is an open book these days. And she has decided to be more open about all that she’s gone through in an attempt to help others while also exalting God for what He brought her out of. Recently, she spoke on the deep depression she faced in front of cameras after finding out about Teddy’s cheating. While promoting the new season of Mary Mary, she told TheGrio’s Chris Witherspoon earlier this month, “I was suicidal and homicidal.”

“It wasn’t like, ‘I done lost my man I want to kill myself,'” Campbell said. “I loved my husband, but I was like, ‘I can get another man.’ During that stage I was underconfident, but I was cocky. I was like, ‘Google me, I could have whoever I want!’ But really, ’cause I felt like nothing, that’s where it came from. Total insecurity. It wasn’t about losing my man. I was like, ‘Okay, I’m a family woman, and I don’t even have one.’ My family was just a complete lie, and that’s how I felt.”

She continued, “Now my faith, I can’t do lying. So I’m not going to be a hypocrite and be mad at God and angry and bitter and all this stuff, out there trying to share the Gospel and inspire people. So I didn’t want to do Gospel music anymore. So all I got left is my kids. I’m no good to them because I’m depressed, I’m sad, I’m broken, I’m insecure, I’m overprotecting them. ‘I’m good for nothing. What is the point of me?’ Since I felt like I was pointless, I considered taking my life. I considered taking me, my children. I was just like, ‘I don’t want to leave a legacy of suicide to them, so maybe I should just take all of them.’ Then I was like, ‘Naw, maybe I should take out these people who did me wrong and then take us out, and leave my husband here to figure it out so that he can realize, look what you did.’

I was just at a terrible, terrible place. I was homicidal and suicidal, but I told God, ‘I know I’m crazy and I know I’m all the way thrown off, but I don’t want to be like this. I want to forgive. I want to let this go. I want to know that good people sometimes make bad decisions because they feel like they’re between a rock and a hard place, whatever the case, you want something but you go about it the wrong way.’ I was like, ‘I don’t want to hate the world. I don’t want to be bitter and insecure and angry. If you can help me forgive and help me see people and myself in the way you see them, I promise I’ll tell everybody about it if you get me out of this pit.’ And God really did help me. And I found that help in the Bible. So yes, I was crazy before I was sane. And I did crazy real good. Now I do sane real good.”

And not only is she doing sane real good, Campbell said that her relationship is better than its ever been. So her decision to share her pain with so many was worth it, as it brought her, others, and her relationship, healing.

Check out her interview with TheGrio below and feel free to share how you can relate. Have you ever had thoughts of hurting yourself or others during an especially hard time in your life? How did you move forward?

Should You Say Something If You Know Your Best Friend Is Cheating On Their Partner?

March 21st, 2016 - By Deja Jones
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Black woman cheating

Shutterstock

So picture this: You’re on Instagram or Facebook, and you see someone commenting on a mutual friend’s pictures and posts in a sexually suggestive manner. To your surprise, your friend responds in an equally flirtatious way. You know that person has a man, and they’ve been together for almost 10 years. On the one hand, you want to sit back with one of those mini bags of Orville Redenbacher and watch everything unfold because you can’t believe how shady this person is being and reckless on the web. On the other hand, you know it’s wrong, and you feel obligated to step in because that person just happens to be one of your best friends.

It’s often you hear stories of a friend with a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend, and that leaves the person caught in the middle at odds about whether they should let their friend know. But what do you do when the person who’s cheating is your friend? Does loyalty trump moral code? You find yourself at a crossroad wondering if you should you tell your friend about herself or if you should just be okay with the fact that it’s not your relationship, so it’s none of your business. After reading through an array of tabs pulled up on my computer and after wrestling back and forth with this dilemma, here is what I concluded:

Let’s call a spade a spade. There is no level of cheating that’s more justifiable than another. Cheating is cheating, whether emotionally or physically. Being a cheater isn’t just about sexual infidelity. It can be flirty emails/private messages/texts and romantic affection, which are things that are reserved specifically for the one you are dating. A preacher once said if you’re married or in a committed relationship and you’re having lustful thoughts and fantasies about someone else, you’ve just committed the first act of cheating because temptation and infidelity start in the mind.

I’m a firm believer in iron sharpening iron and when most people cheat it’s usually because there is something about their current relationship that’s failing to meet a certain need–whether a physical one, an emotional one, a spiritual one, and so on and forth. Some are just looking for a new type of thrill without compromising or fully giving up the security of their current relationship. But at the end of the day, you’re playing with fire. 

Without overstepping my boundaries, I spoke to my friend about her behavior. I simply wanted to know what was happening in her life that she wasn’t happy with. What in her relationship was causing her to step out? As friends and sisters, we hold each other accountable, and we check each other when we are out of line. So if ever you find yourself debating whether you should say something or mind your business, think about the dynamics of your relationship with that person and do not go and blab to the other person. Speak directly to your friend. They could be going through a really tough time. But at the same time, they also need to know that cheating is wrong. Be careful of harsh judgment and also be prepared for a defensive side to surface because any able-minded person will be aware that what they’re doing is wrong, but they also don’t want the person closest to them making them feel any worse about their actions. 

Don’t make it more dramatic than it needs to be. Just be real with your friend and once you’ve done your part, all you can do is let it go. As friends, we should hold each other accountable and look out for one another’s best interests, but if that person doesn’t want to take your advice or listen to your words, at least you can walk away knowing you did your part.

What Would You Do? Woman Interrupts Wedding, “Is This What You Left My House For?”

March 9th, 2016 - By Veronica Wells
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Source: YouTube

Source: YouTube

Normally, if there’s going to be any drama at a wedding, it’ll come when the minister asks “if anyone knows of any reason why these two shouldn’t be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.” But this woman, in an old YouTube video that has gone viral, couldn’t wait that long. After the minister prayed over this couple, (she did have the decency to wait until the prayer was over), the woman, in front of everyone, decided to make a scene.

She interrupted the ceremony to ask, “This is what you left my house for this morning…and the other night.”

Shortly after, someone said “You need to get out” as the crowd gasps, ooos and whispers among themselves. Interestingly enough, the YouTube user who uploaded the video said that after the incident, the woman was escorted out and the wedding proceeded. Needless to say, the guests were in a tizzy.

I’m sure this is every fiancé’s worst nightmare. But after watching, I have a few observations. One, this woman appears to be an invited guest…which is quite bold on both her part and the part of the groom. While we could doubt the validity of her claims, the fact that he looked over and looked back at his bride, not in shock or confusion, but simply trying to ignore the situation is pretty interesting. If I’m playing devil’s advocate, I could say that he was trying not to make a bad situation worse. But also, that’s not the look of a man who’s just been lied on on the most important day of his life. That’s not even the look of a man who’s pretending he’s being lied on. It’s more like a look of avoidance.

But forget about him. I’m concerned about the woman in this situation. She didn’t look all that surprised either. Or maybe she did and she just didn’t turn around and show us that face. Hell, maybe they had a conversation before they met at the altar. You never know. She might have already made the decision to forgive.

But my question is, if you were the woman how would you handle the situation? Would you stop the wedding and have a conversation with your soon-to-be husband, would you address the woman who decided to insert herself into your day or would you move like the woman in this video did, pretending like nothing happened and marry the man of your dreams.

Serious Question: If You Caught Your Sibling Cheating Would You Snitch?

March 2nd, 2016 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Years ago, my now ex-boyfriend’s sister reached out to me and told me that he had been cheating on me with a couple of other girls. She didn’t really tell me anything that blew my mind, but she did confirm my suspicions while giving me the kick in the butt I needed to kick his butt to the curb.

A woman, who we’ll call “Rachel,” recently found herself in a similar predicament and turned to Reddit for advice. Rachel spotted her sister, Eleanor, in a coffee shop with a gentleman who was not Eleanor’s husband of four years, John. The two were behaving quite inappropriately. This is particularly devastating to Rachel who was always felt that John and Eleanor were the “perfect couple,” and now she’s ready to drop dime to her brother-in-law.

Well, today I was out for an early stroll around town with my boyfriend. We stayed out for maybe 3 hours or so, before walking back to the parking lot. On the way back, I couldn’t help noticing that my sister was sitting in the window of a coffee shop along the main street. I stopped us and I asked my boyfriend if we could sneak in to surprise her, since we hadn’t seen her for a few weeks. He said yes, but then suddenly grabbed my hand just before I went to go to the door.

My boyfriend said “Wait… she’s in there with a guy.”

I was confused, and she hadn’t noticed us so I just walked back around the corner, and then peered through the window again. Sure enough, she was seated opposite a man that was determinately not John. He had dark hair and he kept winking at her, holding her hand and bringing it up to his mouth to kiss it.

I was distraught. My boyfriend asked if I wanted to do anything, but I certainly wasn’t going to march in there and make a scene in front of all the other customers, so we just left.

Rachel seems to be hoping that there’s some sort of explanation for her sister’s behavior. But no matter how you slice it, a married woman being smooched up by any man other than her husband is suspect as hell. She definitely wants to say something, but is wondering if she should give her sister a chance to explain herself before going to John.

Now, I’m wondering who to bring this up with first. I was thinking I should bring this up with Eleanor first and tell her I saw them, but I’m risking her either 1.) denying everything (most likely) or 2.) admitting everything and then telling me not to tell John. If she did that, I’d tell him anyway, because f-ck no am I keeping infidelity from a loving husband, but she’d most likely completely hate me for telling him and cut me out of her life.

Unlike my situation, Rachel’s sister is married with a child, and clearly has a lot more to lose. When my ex’s sister rang the alarm, I was able to make a clean break; however, this news could potentially break up a family. Rachel has found herself in quite the pickle.

Would you tell on a cheating sibling?