All Articles Tagged "infidelity"

I Was My Boyfriend’s Sidechick For 2 Years—I Had No Idea

November 10th, 2015 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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I Was My Boyfriend's Sidechick For 2 Years—I Had No Idea


There’s nothing quite like the sting of betrayal felt when you’ve learned that your partner has been unfaithful. Last month, a 21-year-old woman, who we’ll call “Audrey,” sought advice on Reddit’s relationship message board because she suspected that 29-year-old Tim, her boyfriend of two years, had been dishonest with her.

Tim and Audrey are both living in Europe after relocating from their native countries. When they met, Tim said that he had just ended a relationship, and was temporarily living with his ex-girlfriend and would be doing so for the following 3 months for financial reasons.

A few months pass and Tim doesn’t move out. He says he’s now got his own little apartment in the same house, but that it’s so much better for him to stay there because he doesn’t have to buy any furniture and the rent is cheap. (Remember we’re foreigners, so buying a ton of furniture that you’re just going to have to sell when you leave is annoying) He eventually starts saying that he’s going to bring me over there to show me that they’re living separately and whatnot.

Long story short, that never happened. Every time I asked him to ask her about it, he’d say that she’d get upset and blah blah blah. Apparently she was aware that he had a girlfriend, but didn’t like it and wanted to get back together.

After a year, he finally moved out. Not into his own place, but into the spare room at his buddy’s house. I had been to this buddy’s place before, only once, though, and that has been the one and only time I’ve ever met one of his non-mutual friends (which is suspicious and strange on its own). I didn’t help with the move (not for lack of trying), so no, I never saw him move his stuff there. Again, this was a temporary solution until he found a place of his own.

Tim never moved out of his friend’s place, and when it came to having Audrey over, he always made excuses. She has never met or been in contact with his family, so one night, she decided to do a bit of digging on Facebook.

I went Facebook stalking. I searched for “Tagged Photos of Tim” because I know he’s weird about his Facebook and doesn’t let tagged pictures and posts show up on his wall. While going through the pictures, I found three pictures of him while he was visiting home over the summer. In each of the three pictures, there is a girl, who is untagged, and sitting next to Tim. In 2 of the 3 pictures his arm is around her (but the pictures are more posed, and everyone’s arms are around each other). 2 of the pictures are with friends, so I figured she’s a friend from home, no big deal. In one picture, though, they are with his sister and her husband and daughter. So a much more intimate picture.

And then, she turned to Google.

I did some more Google research and found Stephanie’s grandmother’s obituary. She died in January. So after Tim would have moved out of the house and definitely after they should have been broken up. And yet, on the obituary his name is listed next to Stephanie’s as members of the family. I do know that he was close to the grandmother and that she left him stuff in her will, but still I’m suspicious.

Weeks later, Audrey provided an update on her situation. In short, she went through Tim’s phone and text exchanges with Stephanie confirmed her suspicions. Not only was he in a relationship with Stephanie, but they still lived together.

I found texts from Stephanie from the day before talking about what they should make for dinner that night (he told me he was out of town for work that night). I found lots of hearts and “I love yous” and even him using the same pet names for her as he does for me. He told her he was going out of town this weekend for work and how much he’d miss her. I looked through the past few weeks of messages between them and saw that he had sent her quite a few of the same pictures that he had sent me. He had invited her to have a glass of wine with his buddy and her girlfriend. He picked her up from work multiple times, and there were lots of conversations about who was making dinner that night and what they should eat.

I went back and looked for dates where I knew he had slept over with me, and he had always told her he was crashing at a friend’s place or out of town for work or something along those lines. I also found a group text message titled “Family” that included Tim, his sister, his mom, and Stephanie.

In a second update, Audrey explained that she reached out to Stephanie via snail mail to share her side of the story. Shortly after, Tim cut off all contact with her.

I wrote Stephanie a three-page letter, detailing the relationship that Tim and I have had over the past two years. Making clear that it was serious and not just a fling. I mentioned dates and events that most people would not have known about, and I included the intricate lies and back story that he had told me. I included a list of dates from the last 2 months that he spent the night with me and encouraged her to cross check them with nights that he wasn’t at home. I printed out a few photos of us as a quick visible proof, and I included the rest of the photos on a USB stick in the letter. The stick also contained screenshots of any particularly incriminating conversations that we’ve had over the last few months. I scanned postcards that he had sent me from various vacations and included those as well. For safe measure, I also included a copy of the letter, in case the hard copy went somehow mysteriously missing. I gave her my email address and phone number and asked her to contact me if she wanted to.

I mailed the letter. I ensured that it was registered post. In order to receive the letter, she’d have to show her ID and sign for it. On Friday, the letter arrived. She was not home, so she received a notification to go pick up the letter up at the post office. On Saturday morning, she picked it up, and I got an email of the receipt with her signature on it.

Throughout all of this, I conversed normally with Tim and made excuses as to why he couldn’t come over during the week, so as to not tip him off to anything. He stopped talking to me about 20 minutes after she picked up the letter Saturday morning, and I have not heard from him since. He has, however, defriended me and my family on Facebook. I have not heard from Stephanie either.

So, now it’s really over. I hope with my whole heart that he was not able to lie and manipulate his way out of the situation with her, but I will probably never know. I do not expect to hear from him again.

She concluded:

I feel very lonely, taken advantage of and beaten down. I am going to do my best to try to come out of this situation without trust issues and without being cynical and jaded. I am seeking therapy to make sure I don’t slip into depression. For now, I need to find ways to distract myself and fill up any free time.

Oh yeah, she plans on getting tested.

There’s Nothing Wrong With Contacting The Side Chick

October 7th, 2015 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Splash News

Splash News

Hello Barbara, this is Shirley.

Last night Twitter was in all of its messy glory after rumors of infidelity in Victor Cruz’s relationship with his fiancée, Elaina Watley, hit the web. According to the rumor mill, Watley got fed up with her dude and his (alleged) philandering ways and decided to blow things up by bluntly addressing the wide receiver’s 200 mistresses via group text. I’m not quite sure where the Internet pulled this number from, but they’ve unanimously settled on 200.

Oh yeah, there’s a screenshot of the alleged message floating around, which reads:

Hello ladies, this is, Elaina Victor Cruz’s fiancée. You all know about me, and I seem to be the topic of conversations with Vic. I’m sure he’s told you many of things about us and how we don’t exist but given the fact that you all meet him in hotel rooms only, we all know that’s a lie, just as he tells me you all are whores and mean nothing to him.

Neither Cruz nor Watley has confirmed the screenshot’s authenticity. But of course, that didn’t stop Twitter running with it because, well, who doesn’t love a good scandal? And this, my friends, is the epitome of scandalous.

Most of the tweets that I’ve come across so far either poked fun at the situation with GIFs of Cruz’s reaction to the alleged group text, or Elaina’s boldness. However, there was one person’s take on the situation that kind of caught me off guard. Anyone who knows me knows that I love me some Luvvie. She’s my friend in my head, and that will never change. But I have to say that I was shocked to see that she dubbed Elaina’s group text as “pigeon” behavior, and I’m going to have to lovingly disagree with my boo on this one. Luvvie writes:

If you want to know what being a bird looks like, this is it. Anyone who finds out their partner is cheating and confronts whoever they’re cheating with instead of the damb Groupon peen and vag they have committed to is a basic bird. They are pigeons.

Dammmmn Gina, why she got to be all of that?

Now, let me put it out there that I do catch her drift. If your partner cheats on you, I do believe that you should take it up with them since they’re the one who agreed to be in a monogamous relationship with you. In most cases, the other woman owes you nothing. However, I don’t really see anything wrong with also addressing the other woman if you find that to be necessary. Would I do it? More than likely, I would not. But I wouldn’t consider the next woman a chickenhead  or think less of her if she chose to do so in a tactful manner. Honestly, who truly knows how they would react if they learned that the man they’re engaged to marry was out here slanging community penis on the regular? Hopefully, the initial reaction would be to leave, but I truly believe that you would have to walk in that woman’s shoes to really know how you would move in this kind of situation. It’s pretty easy to speak on and judge the actions of others, but after receiving some heartbreaking news like that and listening to “Not Gon’ Cry” on repeat enough times, who really knows how they would react?

Furthermore, it’s not like the message was threatening. She never asked them to meet her on the corner of such and such so that they could “shoot the heady.” She simply wanted to let the other women know what’s tea. “Hey Sis, I’m not sure what you think this is, but we’re very much together, and you’re sleeping with an engaged man.”

If he was wild enough to be out here sleeping with anything with a pulse after his proposal to this woman went viral last year, he deserves to be embarrassed the way that he supposedly was. Obviously, the gesture probably won’t help or change their situation in any way, and if they do plan to stay together, they really should seek professional help. But perhaps it made her feel better during a moment when she felt like things were falling apart around her, and to me, that’s okay.

If all of this mess turns out to be true—I pray to God it’s not—then I truly feel for this woman. Like, for real. And if anything, I’m more concerned about her decision to possibly remain in this unhealthy and potentially dangerous situation.

What are your thoughts on reaching out to the other woman? Have you ever? Would you ever?

What My Sexual Infidelity Taught Me About Relationships

August 26th, 2015 - By Tracey Lloyd
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Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Some people view one-time sexual infidelity as a lesser offense than emotional infidelity. The logic goes, sex means less in a relationship than other forms of intimacy, and one-off misdemeanors are less meaningful than long-term attachments. However, when you have bipolar disorder, sex becomes a marker for mood and health that is just as important as other forms of cheating within a relationship.

So, I cheated on a boyfriend once. It was sexual infidelity, not a planned rendezvous behind my partner’s back. It all happened because my man of nine months preferred to work on a Saturday night rather than hang out with me. I can only assume that work was his preference as I suggested dinner and a movie and he demurred, saying he was in the middle of refining his computer program. I’ll be honest,  I still don’t know whether his weekend infraction was worthy of me getting angry or not, but I got angry. I firmly believe, as I believed then, that people in a serious relationship need to see each other every Saturday night. Clearly my boyfriend didn’t agree, and I wondered whether he really wanted to be in a relationship with me. I was angry and I didn’t know what to do with my anger.

Instead of thinking about my feelings or deciding to have a talk with my man, I called my best friend and made plans to meet her at a bar. My situation could best have been described as “on tilt.” Poker players use the term to describe making a wildly inappropriate bet after losing a big hand. Getting rejected, however slightly, was me losing a big hand and I needed a way to make up for the negative feelings I had by betting on another man. When my friend and I sat down at the bar, there was a somewhat attractive man near us. We began talking to him and learned he was from out of town. I bought him a few drinks and decided that I’d be sleeping with him that night.

The details of my dalliance are unimportant, only that it took place at my friend’s apartment because she lived closer to the bar. Apparently I’d lost all sense of judgement in pursuit of a sexual infidelity that would make me feel something other than I’d felt being rejected my my boyfriend. The next morning, I felt completely retched. I knew that what I’d done could wreck my relationship even though I believed I was somewhat justified in having done it. Perhaps I could make my man understand how his rejection — or any rejection — made me feel like I was a worthless person. Like nobody would ever love me. Like I needed to grab onto any positive feeling for dear life whenever and wherever I found it.

But I didn’t talk about how I felt. Instead I tried to make up for my sexual infidelity by turning up at my boyfriend’s house unannounced. I somehow thought that my presence would erase my guilt and right my emotional instability. Of course it didn’t, instead leading to an annoying conversation about boundaries and something I didn’t quite hear because I was too busy crying. I didn’t tell my boyfriend about the man from the night before because I wasn’t sure that I could handle the immediate judgment and likely breakup; I was already too fragile, too volatile. And I needed the positive feeling of knowing I was in a relationship, even if it wasn’t perfect.

I never did tell my boyfriend that I’d slept with another man. We had a mutual breakup a few months later, when my bipolar depression was less acute and I realized that being single was better than settling for a little bit of happiness. I don’t believe I’ll be cheating on another boyfriend. My emotions are much more stable than they were then, and I don’t think I can handle any extra guilt in my life. I’ll just stick with whatever I have for the moment.

“Every Man Cheats,” Says Amber Rose, But “If He Loves You Enough, You’ll Never Find Out”

August 21st, 2015 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Splash News

Splash News

With the recent Ashley Madison leaks claiming media headlines across the country, conversations about infidelity have been thrust back into the forefront. During a recent appearance on “The Doctors,” socialite Amber Rose expressed her personal belief that every man is unfaithful at some point or another.

“I feel like every man cheats, that’s just me,” she shared. “I do, I’m sorry. But I do feel like if he loves you enough, you will never ever find out.”

According to reports, Amber was cheated on by her famous ex, Kanye West, and more recently, her estranged husband Wiz Khalifa, whom according to radio personality Peter Rosenberg, she caught in the act.

Apparently, deceit was a major topic of conversation during the TV appearance because Amber also addressed a recent scandal in which her likeness was used to allegedly lure aspiring models into prostitution.

“I was on Instagram, and someone tagged me in a photo,” the actress explained. “It was a screenshot of that video and said, ‘I just Facetimed with Amber and she was trying to get me to have sex with guys.'”

Unsurprisingly, Amber says that she was mortified by the discovery.

“I was extremely outraged. I was in shock because I was like, ‘I’m all for women empowerment, and to see something like that, it made me really sad. I was young and easily manipulated just like these girls. Thank God I didn’t fall into anything like that.”

As previously reported, the modeling agency pulled footage from one of Amber’s old Ustream videos and used it to convince modeling hopefuls that they were on a FaceTime session with her. From there, the company allegedly told the women that they would set them up on dates with wealthy men and that their willingness to be intimate would help them to secure modeling gigs.

Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise

Penny For Your Thoughts: Why Are Women Losing Their Jobs And Their Lives Over A Cheating Man?

August 14th, 2015 - By Penny Wrenn
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Relationship how to know if he's cheating or not

Source: Shutterstock

There have been one too many cheating horror stories involving women of color in the news.

First, there was Nancy Acosta, who died in a car crash while trying to run her philandering husband and his mistress off the road.

Then there was the curious case of Barvetta Singletary. The 37-year-old White House staffer fired a gunshot at her beau, a Capitol Hill police officer, after she demanded to see his cellphone because she wanted to know about another woman he was seeing.

There was also the report about Lisa Brown, the mistress of a former NFL player who kidnapped and killed his wife before taking her own life.

And just a few days ago, an unconfirmed story surfaced about a pregnant Ghanaian woman who allegedly committed suicide by jumping from the roof of her home. She did so upon finding out her husband was sleeping with another woman (not to mention that the other woman was…her mother?!).

In the words of my beloved friend Akiba Solomon, “Lord, today.” Which is to say that the world we live in now is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s–and not in a perky, pop song way. Those infidelity-related stories are incredibly sad. There’s nothing more tragic, in fact, than seeing women crash and burn while risking (and losing) their lives and livelihoods for dubious reasons.

Now, I don’t mean to sound off about what are and what are not good reasons to jeopardize one’s life. And I am not questioning whether or not infidelity makes the cut.  I believe that women are entitled to their own “Would I die over this?” hopelessness threshold, the tipping point at which a person or event causes them to completely lose heart. So, no judgment if “a cheating man” is your personal tipping point. But it’s certainly not mine.

And, to be frank, I’ve been a cheater in several of my relationships. That is not a prideful boast or a shameful confession, but it’s worth being upfront about. And though I’m not currently cheating on anyone, I won’t try to circumvent any conventional “once a cheater, always a cheater” wisdom to which you might subscribe.

I’ve also been the other woman in someone else’s relationship. Again: Not proud–but also not ashamed. For most single women, dating is about taking the high road. These women will not consider a male contender unless he’s wife-less and wifey-less. But, admittedly (admittedly and, perhaps, in your opinion, disturbingly), I am not one of those women.

Right now, I’m happy to report that I’m neither cheating in my relationship nor am I the other woman in someone else’s. But my past discretions still seem pertinent to consider, given the spate of infidelity-related incidents in the news and the state of my own love life. Not only have I been noticing numerous women-who’ve-been-cheated-on headlines lately, but I’ve also been getting serious with a guy who I’ve been seeing for a while.  And being at the onset of a relationship in this current events climate has me wondering: Will I cheat on him? Heck, will he cheat on me? (And my short answer to both questions is maybe.)

Look, I won’t say that I’m pro-cheating or that I wouldn’t care at all if a guy I’m dating cheated on me. No one likes to be cheated on–period. You’ll never hear me downright defend auxiliary affairs (strangely, my former cheating ways haven’t turned me into a fan of decidedly open relationships), but I do accept that stuff happens.

And, for me, having a “stuff happens” approach works. You might call it The Four P’s: Preparation, not preparedness; possibility, not pessimism.

Do I actively suspect that my partner will cheat on me and then constantly prowl for evidence? Absolutely not. Do I trust that my partner knows good and well that I don’t want him to cheat on me, but keep in mind that he might cheat on me anyway, because as terrific as he may be, no one’s perfect? Yeah, kinda. 

How will I react if he does cheat? Well, I don’t know.

I won’t feign expertise here. I can’t pretend to know the right way that I, you or any other woman should handle infidelity. And, although I’ve been a cheater, I don’t have much experience as a cheatee. Which isn’t to say that I consider myself immune to being cheated on, mind you. I just can’t say for sure that any of my ex-boyfriends have actually cheated on me, because I can’t recall any of them outright admitting such indiscretions or inadvertently leaving a hot trail for me to find. (I do, however, still have my suspicions that the guy who I dated for a year right after college cheated on me with a woman who became his next girlfriend and to whom he’s now married.)

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably rolled your eyes when you overheard a well-meaning Afro-hippie offer his or her unsolicited advice to a woman scorned. (“Queen, hold your head up–you’re too good for him.”) So, the only New Age-y mantra that I will conjure is this: Like Miguel Ruiz said in The Four Agreements, “Don’t take it personally.”

When and if I’m the victim of someone else’s infidelity, this is the refrain that I’ll repeat to myself over and over again: “His cheating has nothing to do with me, his cheating has nothing to do with me, his cheating has nothing to do with me…”

Having been the other woman, I’ve heard men’s numerous sob stories about a frigid bedmate who clings to the furthest side of the mattress or a spouse who never leaves the office. But guess what? I don’t buy any of ‘em. And neither should you if you’re the co-star in said sob story. I don’t care what he or anyone else says. “My wife won’t have sex with me” and “My wife works too much” are not closing arguments in cases of infidelity. They’re not clinchers. They’re valid complaints, yes, but they don’t unquestionably decide the matter of who’s to blame.

If, somewhere down the line, I discover that a guy I’m now dating has started running around town with a bunch of side chicks, I can’t say that I’d automatically and categorically blast him as the one and only villain.  But I hope to God that I wouldn’t assign sole villain status to myself either.

Besides, what is it about being cheated on that can push us over the edge and hurtling toward self-destruction? Is it our anger toward our unfaithful partner? The self-blame toward ourselves? A combination of both? From what I know about being the other woman, cheaters come in all shapes and sizes, but they rarely, if ever, cheat because of the steady partner who’s in the picture. But maybe if we accepted that cheating has nothing to do with the person who’s being cheated on, we might react differently to it.  Not necessarily turning a blind eye or refusing to care, but not pointing a finger at ourselves or the other woman. 

Having not sought atonement for my prior infidelities, I find it impossible to not be vigilant about the karmic likelihood that I’ll end up a female cuckold. And I’ll keep the four women mentioned above in mind when I do. I’ll try my damndest to remain appropriately responsive and vigilant. I won’t turn a blind eye, but I won’t poke out my own eyes, or anyone else’s for that matter. 

Majority Of Women Cheat The Day After Mother’s Day — Here’s Why

May 11th, 2015 - By Kweli Wright
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Husbands better step up their game this year!

Mother’s Day is the day where everyone puts in a little extra effort to make mothers feel appreciated for all that they do. But sometimes, families get lazy and get gifts they obviously bought last minute, or they don’t have any real plans for the day.

It’s infuriating! These women spend most of their days being a good wife and mother, so hurt feelings are completely understandable if others don’t take the holiday seriously.

So, what do wives and mothers do when it’s obvious their families don’t care that much? They cheat the next day.

According to Ashley Madison’s reports, last year, their numbers of sign-ups spiked by 442 percent after the holiday, all thanks to women searching online to have an affair. They expect their numbers to spike again by 500 percent this year.

How should men avoid disappointing the hard-working mother of their children? Give them what they want.

Ashley Madison conducted a survey with 10,817 moms and found that 58 percent want to have a romantic evening with their husband, 33 percent want to get away and relax at the spa in the afternoon, and only 9 percent want time alone to relax.

However, their special day looks nothing like this. Instead, they are still stuck with mommy duty!

The survey found 66 percent of moms end up taking care of kids with a planned activity, 21 percent get a card and flowers, and 13 percent get breakfast in bed from their kids … but have to clean afterwards.

Husbands, take notes if you don’t want her stray!

What do you think of these statistics?

Can You Be A Poor Husband & Great Dad? D.L. Hughley Talks Infidelity And Son’s Asperger’s Syndrome

April 28th, 2015 - By Veronica Wells
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D.L. Hughley

Source: OWN

I think Diddy, Sean “Puffy” Combs– so there won’t be any confusion among generations, was the first man I heard say something to the affect of knowing he could be a good father, yet being unsure of his ability to be a good husband.

It’s a concept with which I’ve continued to struggle. In my mind, you do the best by your children when they see the love and devotion you have for their mother. (Not to say that always has to be in the context of a marriage.)

Watching recent clips from OWN’s “Where Are They Now,” helped me to see that more clearly in the thoughts expressed by comedian and radio host D.L. Hughley.

On the one hand, Hughley talks about his numerous affairs throughout the course of his almost 30-year marriage to his wife LaDonna. If you’ve followed Hughley’s career in any way, you know that this is not the first time he’s opened up about this. In fact, in 2012, he told the whole world about his philandering ways.

But in this OWN interview, he mentions it again.

“I just thought it was just part of being a man. I never thought it was a horrible thing to be or to do. I never felt like it was anything I was doing wrong. I think monogamy is what you give your woman so she don’t leave. Honestly, what I attribute us being married that long is her ability to love me in spite of who I am.”

And he continues.

“Being public about my infidelity, obviously is hurt. Listen, I don’t know that men have a moment–I will say for me, I’ve never had an epiphany — I think you just get exhausted. I don’t know if you ever rehabilitate. You just run out of wind. You get tired of hurting people. I think a man can love a woman and still have other women. Everybody you read about in the Bible– you know Solomon 900 wives, David, several wives and concubines, Job– you know? 

But when you see how the pain registers on somebody’s face. Then you might… I just…I think, more than anything else, I felt entitled. I felt like that my whole life. I don’t think that [monogamy] is a natural condition… at all.”

Then Hughley started speaking for others.

“The idea of a man that women claim to want. ‘Oh, he’s faithful, he’s dutiful and he’s honest’— does not exist. That dude is in a movie or a book . What you got is me and cats like me. And if you got the dude that you purport to want, he would bore you to death. And the one thing you can never do with a woman is bore her.”


Hughley is no stranger to making wildly misogynistic remarks about mostly Black women and relationships. So I can’t say I’m surprised. Yet, what I find most troubling about his views are the fact that initially he’s talking about himself; but then he starts talking about all men and then, at the very end, he takes a gigantic leap to profess to know what women, want.

Hughley, who has openly admitted to not liking or understanding women, now knows what we want. He says that we couldn’t possibly want a man who is dutiful, honest and faithful because that man would certainly bore us to tears. And women don’t like to be bored.


First, and perhaps most simply, who likes to be bored? I don’t think women have a monopoly on wanting to be stimulated. Furthermore, when did being honest and faithful become synonymous with being boring?! While I know there are some couples who live for all types of relationship drama, a great number of people simply don’t.

Secondly, and lastly–because I’m tired–, it would just be best if Hughley spoke about his own dysfunction and left the rest of us out of it. Please.

But there are complexities to this thing called humanity; and perhaps, even a bit of truth to Diddy’s statements about being a better father than he would be husband. During that same interview, Hughley spoke about his son Kyle dealing with Asperger’s syndrome and an accomplishment he recently made. And though I listened to his thoughts on monogamy first, I have to admit my heart softened when I saw the love he undoubtedly has for his son.

“He graduated from college but everything has to be the same. He goes to work at the same time, he eats the same thing. So three weeks ago, I had to get gas and he says ‘Daddy, I’ll do it.’ And I’m a nervous wreck. 

And he comes back in and gives me the receipt and the keys… And I could not stop crying because he did something he was afraid to do. I just didn’t believe he could do it, he did it…And I held him and I said, ‘You’re going to be all right.’ And I think sometimes I don’t know, for sure. But he’s going to be fine. He’ll be fine.”

I think what I have to say about the duality of D.L. Hughley, and all of us really, can be summed up in this quote from a very wise, seemingly young man who was recently photographed for the popular photo blog, Humans of New York

“I can’t stand moral absolutism. You know, there’s always that guy who wants to point out that Martin Luther King cheated on his wife– as if he obviously couldn’t have been a great person if he did something like that. Or someone will bring out an inspirational quote, and get you to agree, and then inform you that Hitler said it. As if a good thought couldn’t come from Hitler. Moral absolutism keeps us from learning from the past. It’s easy to say: ‘Hitler was a demon. Nazis were all bad seeds.’ That’s simple. It’s much harder to say: ‘Is that humanity? Is that me?'”

Bust The Windows: Teddy Gets Rid Of Car Tina Demolished During Their Rough Patches

March 3rd, 2015 - By Veronica Wells
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Teddy Gets Rid Of Car Tina Demolished

Source: We TV

Last year, when Erica and Tina Campbell came into our studio, Tina was very clear about the fact that she and her husband Teddy were working on rebuilding their marriage after infidelity. But she was also particularly honest and candid about the hurt and anger she felt and how it took her to an incredibly dark place. She mentioned that at one point, she incorrectly assumed seeking revenge would make her feel better. That day, she said she’d never tell us what she did.

And we probably shouldn’t ever know what really happened; but in a sneak peek from the new season of “Mary Mary,” we see how Tina went Jazmine Sullivan on Teddy’s car.

In this particular clip, Teddy explains what happened:

“So after I proposed to Tina, one would think that would fix everything but, in reality, it doesn’t. We had some days that were really bad. And the car is a clear indication of a very bad day. It was my car and she thought that I could have been riding around town with another woman in the car, which wasn’t the case but… My wife, in her pain, she wanted to hurt me.”

Teddy is watching as a tow truck man is removing the car from his driveway. Just as he’s doing so, Tina walks up, smiling. The couple embrace while the car is being carted away and Teddy says to Tina: “I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to have any bad memories. I want to create new ones.”

And then again, in the confessional: “So thank God we’re in a better place. Our good days definitely outweigh our bad ones by far. We’re still working hard. I want to Tina to know that I’m going to fight for her and my family.”

Listen, I would be lying if I said I didn’t chuckle watching this video, especially at the smile on Tina’s face. She was dead wrong for this…but that doesn’t make it any less comical. I’m not applauding her actions but It’s a wonder Teddy thought to try her.

But on a serious note, it’s good to see that he’s committed to making sure he’s doing everything in his power to help them both move forward.

Mixing Too Much Business With Pleasure: Workplace Infidelity… By the Numbers

February 20th, 2015 - By Kimberly Gedeon
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As you glance at your colleagues tapping furiously away at the computer, working — er — “diligently” at their tasks, you might be completely in the dark about the intense, passionate affairs they’re having — with one another.

Illicit internet liaisons really may not be any of your business, but when it comes to losing money — oh, it should be all of your concern. According to a 2013 Victoria Milan survey, online cheaters cost businesses a whopping $17 million a day.

Cheating spouses confessed to spending an average of 1.17 hours chatting up a side-floozy on company time. Nearly 40 percent admitted to spending 30 minutes getting a little cyberspace hanky-panky in while on the job — 25 percent admitted to wasting an hour. Eighteen percent spent more than two hours tapping their committed relationships away into depths of hell.

“Imagine if they only put that much effort into their existing relationship or work?” Business2Community wondered.

Victoria Milan calculated that businesses lose an average of $17,304,300 per day in lost productivity thanks to infidelity. That’s a stab at the heart and the money. Ouch!

But I wondered — how else does cheating affect our business responsibilities? It’s time for another “by the numbers” edition. Let’s take a look at cheating on the job, shall we?

What better way to cover up your extramarital affairs than by going on a — er — “business trip.” A discouraging 36 percent of men and 13 percent of women succumbed to temptation while trekking out of town, The Huffington Post wrote, quoting the book The Normal Bar.

That’s no surprise at all since the workplace is a breeding ground for seduction. According to GoodTherapy, 85 percent of salacious affairs begin at work.

“The close interaction, travel, and unavoidable closeness may lead to strong friendships and emotional attachments outside your marriage. The workplace provides opportunity and proximity to people outside your family,” GoodTherapy added.

Interestingly, there are certain professions that are more prone to have cheaters than others. gives on the scoop on which careers have the most wandering eyes:


These self-starters are most likely to have an affair; 17 percent and 13 percent of men and women, respectively, cheat in this field. Entrepreneurship draws in risk-taking, daredevil personalities, which makes ’em more inclined to step out on their partners. Entrepreneurs also travel quite often — and we know how that goes. There is an upside, though: Employers needn’t worry about them wasting company time because, well, they’re their own bosses.


Like entrepreneurship, finance requires the ability to assess risk. So if temptation prevents the financier with an opportunity for a little gamble, and the risk seems minimal, they just might take the dangerous plunge. Sixteen percent of men and 18 percent of women in the finance field mix a little too much business with pleasure.


The medical field exposes workers to life-changing events every day — and you’re sharing these heart-gripping moments with your fellow employees, not your spouse. This degree of closeness leads to 15 percent and 16 percent of men and women, respectively, seeking comfort from outside their home.


After a long year of taxing work with kids and grading, teachers get three months off for play — and may be having a little too much fun. “People in education have a summer of love opportunity unlike other professions that don’t have three months of downtime,” said Ashley Madison’s CEO Noel Biderman. Seven percent of male teachers cheat while nine percent of women do the same.

At the end of the day, these numbers leave us hanging with the age old question: “Why, oh why do we cheat?” Are we doing it to reaffirm our desirability? To boost our egos? To get something more out of an unsatisfying relationship? Cafe Mocha Radio, this weekend, will be discussing just that. Tune in to discover what Maxwell Billieon, author of Death of the Cheating Man, has to say.

Whatever it the answer is, it’s costing employers a painful amount of millions and breaking countless hearts.

This Weekend Café Mocha Asks… “Do All Men Cheat?”

February 19th, 2015 - By Madame Noire
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Maxwell Biilieon-420Do all men cheat? What are the signs you are with a cheater? Can you ever stop a cheater from cheating? This weekend on Café Mocha we are talking to Maxwell Billieon about his book, Death of the Cheating Man. He’s going to explain exactly why men cheat and what women can do about it.

Don’t miss it this weekend on Café Mocha Radio. Click here for show cities and times. [LINK: ]

Did Ya’ll See? Segment

Of course, you’ve seen the Twitter war that exploded between Khloe Kardashian and Amber Rose. Rose, the ex of rapper Kanye West, had a comment or two about Khloe’s little sister’s dating choices. Was Rose wrong for her comments? The ladies of MadameNoire give their perspectives on the drama. Don’t miss Did Ya’ll See on Café Mocha Radio this weekend to find out the details.

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Tune in this weekend to Café Mocha Radio and go to MadameNoire’s YouTube page to find out how the ladies weigh in on the hottest topics.

Café Mocha™, radio from a woman’s perspective!