All Articles Tagged "infidelity"
I think Diddy, Sean “Puffy” Combs– so there won’t be any confusion among generations, was the first man I heard say something to the affect of knowing he could be a good father, yet being unsure of his ability to be a good husband.
It’s a concept with which I’ve continued to struggle. In my mind, you do the best by your children when they see the love and devotion you have for their mother. (Not to say that always has to be in the context of a marriage.)
Watching recent clips from OWN’s “Where Are They Now,” helped me to see that more clearly in the thoughts expressed by comedian and radio host D.L. Hughley.
On the one hand, Hughley talks about his numerous affairs throughout the course of his almost 30-year marriage to his wife LaDonna. If you’ve followed Hughley’s career in any way, you know that this is not the first time he’s opened up about this. In fact, in 2012, he told the whole world about his philandering ways.
But in this OWN interview, he mentions it again.
“I just thought it was just part of being a man. I never thought it was a horrible thing to be or to do. I never felt like it was anything I was doing wrong. I think monogamy is what you give your woman so she don’t leave. Honestly, what I attribute us being married that long is her ability to love me in spite of who I am.”
And he continues.
“Being public about my infidelity, obviously is hurt. Listen, I don’t know that men have a moment–I will say for me, I’ve never had an epiphany — I think you just get exhausted. I don’t know if you ever rehabilitate. You just run out of wind. You get tired of hurting people. I think a man can love a woman and still have other women. Everybody you read about in the Bible– you know Solomon 900 wives, David, several wives and concubines, Job– you know?
But when you see how the pain registers on somebody’s face. Then you might… I just…I think, more than anything else, I felt entitled. I felt like that my whole life. I don’t think that [monogamy] is a natural condition… at all.”
Then Hughley started speaking for others.
“The idea of a man that women claim to want. ‘Oh, he’s faithful, he’s dutiful and he’s honest’— does not exist. That dude is in a movie or a book . What you got is me and cats like me. And if you got the dude that you purport to want, he would bore you to death. And the one thing you can never do with a woman is bore her.”
Hughley is no stranger to making wildly misogynistic remarks about mostly Black women and relationships. So I can’t say I’m surprised. Yet, what I find most troubling about his views are the fact that initially he’s talking about himself; but then he starts talking about all men and then, at the very end, he takes a gigantic leap to profess to know what women, want.
Hughley, who has openly admitted to not liking or understanding women, now knows what we want. He says that we couldn’t possibly want a man who is dutiful, honest and faithful because that man would certainly bore us to tears. And women don’t like to be bored.
First, and perhaps most simply, who likes to be bored? I don’t think women have a monopoly on wanting to be stimulated. Furthermore, when did being honest and faithful become synonymous with being boring?! While I know there are some couples who live for all types of relationship drama, a great number of people simply don’t.
Secondly, and lastly–because I’m tired–, it would just be best if Hughley spoke about his own dysfunction and left the rest of us out of it. Please.
But there are complexities to this thing called humanity; and perhaps, even a bit of truth to Diddy’s statements about being a better father than he would be husband. During that same interview, Hughley spoke about his son Kyle dealing with Asperger’s syndrome and an accomplishment he recently made. And though I listened to his thoughts on monogamy first, I have to admit my heart softened when I saw the love he undoubtedly has for his son.
“He graduated from college but everything has to be the same. He goes to work at the same time, he eats the same thing. So three weeks ago, I had to get gas and he says ‘Daddy, I’ll do it.’ And I’m a nervous wreck.
And he comes back in and gives me the receipt and the keys… And I could not stop crying because he did something he was afraid to do. I just didn’t believe he could do it, he did it…And I held him and I said, ‘You’re going to be all right.’ And I think sometimes I don’t know, for sure. But he’s going to be fine. He’ll be fine.”
I think what I have to say about the duality of D.L. Hughley, and all of us really, can be summed up in this quote from a very wise, seemingly young man who was recently photographed for the popular photo blog, Humans of New York:
“I can’t stand moral absolutism. You know, there’s always that guy who wants to point out that Martin Luther King cheated on his wife– as if he obviously couldn’t have been a great person if he did something like that. Or someone will bring out an inspirational quote, and get you to agree, and then inform you that Hitler said it. As if a good thought couldn’t come from Hitler. Moral absolutism keeps us from learning from the past. It’s easy to say: ‘Hitler was a demon. Nazis were all bad seeds.’ That’s simple. It’s much harder to say: ‘Is that humanity? Is that me?'”
Last year, when Erica and Tina Campbell came into our studio, Tina was very clear about the fact that she and her husband Teddy were working on rebuilding their marriage after infidelity. But she was also particularly honest and candid about the hurt and anger she felt and how it took her to an incredibly dark place. She mentioned that at one point, she incorrectly assumed seeking revenge would make her feel better. That day, she said she’d never tell us what she did.
And we probably shouldn’t ever know what really happened; but in a sneak peek from the new season of “Mary Mary,” we see how Tina went Jazmine Sullivan on Teddy’s car.
In this particular clip, Teddy explains what happened:
“So after I proposed to Tina, one would think that would fix everything but, in reality, it doesn’t. We had some days that were really bad. And the car is a clear indication of a very bad day. It was my car and she thought that I could have been riding around town with another woman in the car, which wasn’t the case but… My wife, in her pain, she wanted to hurt me.”
Teddy is watching as a tow truck man is removing the car from his driveway. Just as he’s doing so, Tina walks up, smiling. The couple embrace while the car is being carted away and Teddy says to Tina: “I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to have any bad memories. I want to create new ones.”
And then again, in the confessional: “So thank God we’re in a better place. Our good days definitely outweigh our bad ones by far. We’re still working hard. I want to Tina to know that I’m going to fight for her and my family.”
Listen, I would be lying if I said I didn’t chuckle watching this video, especially at the smile on Tina’s face. She was dead wrong for this…but that doesn’t make it any less comical. I’m not applauding her actions but she.went.in. It’s a wonder Teddy thought to try her.
But on a serious note, it’s good to see that he’s committed to making sure he’s doing everything in his power to help them both move forward.
As you glance at your colleagues tapping furiously away at the computer, working — er — “diligently” at their tasks, you might be completely in the dark about the intense, passionate affairs they’re having — with one another.
Illicit internet liaisons really may not be any of your business, but when it comes to losing money — oh, it should be all of your concern. According to a 2013 Victoria Milan survey, online cheaters cost businesses a whopping $17 million a day.
Cheating spouses confessed to spending an average of 1.17 hours chatting up a side-floozy on company time. Nearly 40 percent admitted to spending 30 minutes getting a little cyberspace hanky-panky in while on the job — 25 percent admitted to wasting an hour. Eighteen percent spent more than two hours tapping their committed relationships away into depths of hell.
“Imagine if they only put that much effort into their existing relationship or work?” Business2Community wondered.
Victoria Milan calculated that businesses lose an average of $17,304,300 per day in lost productivity thanks to infidelity. That’s a stab at the heart and the money. Ouch!
But I wondered — how else does cheating affect our business responsibilities? It’s time for another “by the numbers” edition. Let’s take a look at cheating on the job, shall we?
What better way to cover up your extramarital affairs than by going on a — er — “business trip.” A discouraging 36 percent of men and 13 percent of women succumbed to temptation while trekking out of town, The Huffington Post wrote, quoting the book The Normal Bar.
That’s no surprise at all since the workplace is a breeding ground for seduction. According to GoodTherapy, 85 percent of salacious affairs begin at work.
“The close interaction, travel, and unavoidable closeness may lead to strong friendships and emotional attachments outside your marriage. The workplace provides opportunity and proximity to people outside your family,” GoodTherapy added.
Interestingly, there are certain professions that are more prone to have cheaters than others. Boston.com gives on the scoop on which careers have the most wandering eyes:
These self-starters are most likely to have an affair; 17 percent and 13 percent of men and women, respectively, cheat in this field. Entrepreneurship draws in risk-taking, daredevil personalities, which makes ’em more inclined to step out on their partners. Entrepreneurs also travel quite often — and we know how that goes. There is an upside, though: Employers needn’t worry about them wasting company time because, well, they’re their own bosses.
Like entrepreneurship, finance requires the ability to assess risk. So if temptation prevents the financier with an opportunity for a little gamble, and the risk seems minimal, they just might take the dangerous plunge. Sixteen percent of men and 18 percent of women in the finance field mix a little too much business with pleasure.
The medical field exposes workers to life-changing events every day — and you’re sharing these heart-gripping moments with your fellow employees, not your spouse. This degree of closeness leads to 15 percent and 16 percent of men and women, respectively, seeking comfort from outside their home.
After a long year of taxing work with kids and grading, teachers get three months off for play — and may be having a little too much fun. “People in education have a summer of love opportunity unlike other professions that don’t have three months of downtime,” said Ashley Madison’s CEO Noel Biderman. Seven percent of male teachers cheat while nine percent of women do the same.
At the end of the day, these numbers leave us hanging with the age old question: “Why, oh why do we cheat?” Are we doing it to reaffirm our desirability? To boost our egos? To get something more out of an unsatisfying relationship? Cafe Mocha Radio, this weekend, will be discussing just that. Tune in to discover what Maxwell Billieon, author of Death of the Cheating Man, has to say.
Whatever it the answer is, it’s costing employers a painful amount of millions and breaking countless hearts.
Do all men cheat? What are the signs you are with a cheater? Can you ever stop a cheater from cheating? This weekend on Café Mocha we are talking to Maxwell Billieon about his book, Death of the Cheating Man. He’s going to explain exactly why men cheat and what women can do about it.
Don’t miss it this weekend on Café Mocha Radio. Click here for show cities and times. [LINK: ]
Did Ya’ll See? Segment
Of course, you’ve seen the Twitter war that exploded between Khloe Kardashian and Amber Rose. Rose, the ex of rapper Kanye West, had a comment or two about Khloe’s little sister’s dating choices. Was Rose wrong for her comments? The ladies of MadameNoire give their perspectives on the drama. Don’t miss Did Ya’ll See on Café Mocha Radio this weekend to find out the details.
Café Mocha™, radio from a woman’s perspective!
It seems as though Amber Rose has been winning ever since Wiz Khalifa f**ked up and cheated on her. Her string bikini Instagram posts damn near broke the Internet and she seems to be holding her own professionally with Nick Cannon as a manager with a set of matching Ferraris to prove it. But even with all them curves and the car to handle them, many fans questioned, “Why in the hell would Wiz Khalifa ever cheat on a woman who most men risked their own relationships just to follow on Instagram?” To which Wiz casually tweeted, “Yes, my baby’s mother is fine as f—.”
Admittedly I was confused at the whole situation like it was in fact one of the world’s greatest wonders. Who built the pyramids? Do aliens exist? Why would Jay-Z ever cheat on Beyonce and why in the hell would Wiz Khalifa cheat on Amber Rose with who appeared to a sloppy porn star that he was posted up with in a half-naked selfie session of his own? So I proceeded to ask my husband why any man in his right mind would cheat on any woman that seems to have it all? His answer was as simple as this: “Have you ever heard a man say, ‘Naw, I’ll pass on this pu**y. I have a bad ass girlfriend at home.’? Yeah, didn’t think so.”
I once wrote an article called “6 Ways Women Try To Keep Men From Cheating That Don’t Work” and the moral of the story is if you have a man that’s fully committed to you and respects and values your relationship, I don’t care if you look like Nia Long or Jackie Long, he will remain faithful to you. A cheater is a cheater. People can change, but it’s usually on their own terms. This means that you can be tighter than a fresh turtle neck, make the best fried chicken with one finger, know the individual stats of every player on the New York Knicks and look like Halle Berry and that still won’t make a man who isn’t interested in committing to you stay faithful.
On the other hand, actor Jesse Williams met a lot of criticism from fans who didn’t approve of his wife who is often described as “average” or “regular”. It’s as if just because he’s all pretty and light-eyed, fans were disappointed that he didn’t wife up some Tyra Chanel Selita supermodel. But the truth is when it comes to any man that’s worth having being pretty won’t save you, and more than that, pretty shouldn’t save you. Pretty fades and the truth is that there are some men out there who are caught up in their own egos and only want to get the pretty girl to cheat on her to prove that they cannot be tamed.
People cheat for a lot of reasons, but if being “bad” is all you’re bringing to the table, you’re going to be quoting a whole lot Mary J. Blige and Jazmine Sullivan heartbreak lyrics on your Instagram. Be honest with yourself about who you’re in a relationship with and their interest in building a life with you. Being faithful to someone is about loving a person for who they are regardless of if they’re tore up in a track suit or fine as f**k in a string bikini.
Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.
He’s At It Again: Brennan Clay Releases Sexts Allegedly Exchanged Between His Wife & Former Teammate
Earlier this week, we told you about Brennan Clay, the former college football player who accused his former teammate and friend DeMarco Murray, who now plays for the Dallas Cowboys, of sleeping with his wife. You can check out the full story here, but in short, Brennan discovered the alleged affair after he found some pretty sexual text messages exchanged between his wife and former friend.
Brennan has since taken back to Twitter to air out more details about the alleged affair by releasing screenshots from some of the text messages.
#SprayTan MORE TO COME ..
— Brennan Clay (@BrennanClay24) December 1, 2014
I will release 1 message that isn’t even the tip of the ice berg soon .. — Brennan Clay (@BrennanClay24) December 5, 2014
In the first message, texters, who are believed to DeMarco and Brennan’s wife, Gina, discuss plans to hook up and have sex while Brennan is out of town practicing with the San Diego Chargers.
Gina and Demarco’s exchange Oct. 5th after I kissed her two kids goodbye at the airport I left for my workout to the Chargers ..
— Brennan Clay (@BrennanClay24) December 5, 2014
She saved his number under Spray Tan ..lol
— Brennan Clay (@BrennanClay24) December 5, 2014
— Brennan Clay (@BrennanClay24) December 5, 2014
And if you don’t believe that’s his number ..ol boy from Vegas ..702 area code .. pic.twitter.com/Cjlk2BJBTE
— Brennan Clay (@BrennanClay24) December 5, 2014
As previously reported, Brennan has filed for divorce since learning of the alleged affair. The pair had only been married four months. Gina has yet to speak publicly about the allegations and reps for DeMarco have declined to comment as well.
I often find myself turning on the TV during one of my middle of the night feedings with my son. The other night, the movie I caught myself watching as I nursed my baby back to sleep was Sex and the City 2. Being a fan of the series and first film, I had no problem watching this movie again…again. If you haven’t seen it though, there is a scene where Carrie, the married lead, kisses her ex-boyfriend Aiden while on vacation with her girls. She agonizes over whether or not she should tell her husband Big, and eventually confesses to her indiscretion. He was upset and disappointed for sure, but he forgave her. After all, it was just a kiss…right?
But is a kiss ever “just” a kiss when you’re in a committed relationship? Being a married woman myself, I have to admit that if I discovered that my husband had kissed another woman – especially an ex – it would be hard for me to get over it right away. Of course it would depend on the circumstances surrounding the kiss, but no one ever wants to learn that their spouse or significant other is out there locking lips with someone else.
So under what conditions would I forgive him? Well, there’s the “I was drunk” excuse. My husband doesn’t drink, so it would be hard for him to use that one. But for others, a drunken kiss with a stranger at a bar or a club might get him the side eye, but it’s definitely an forgivable scenario…I guess. Or if some random drunk chick came up to my man and sucked his face unsuspectingly and he couldn’t get away, then sure…not his fault. I can get over that.
However it’s the emotional kiss I’m concerned about. Most men, that I know anyway, consider kissing a very intimate act. Some men can even have sex with a woman without so much as even facing her, let alone kissing her during the act. Therefore if I were to find out that my husband had passionately kissed another woman he had an emotional connection with, THAT would be cause for concern. Yes, I’d consider that cheating.
Cheating, to me, is any type of betrayal that occurs within the relationship. While sex can be viewed as an obvious infidelity for most people, kissing is a grey area that can still leave a person questioning their relationship. I’d wonder how close they were and what emotions were attached to the kiss. And I’d also think that a kiss could…and probably would…lead to other things. I suppose if my husband ADMITTED to the kiss, I’d be happy that he (hopefully) stopped it at the kiss before it went any further. However, if I somehow found out, I think I’d be just as upset as I would be if I found out he had sex with another woman. The emotional betrayal would be the same in my eyes.
At the end of the day, everyone has their own threshold for what they can and cannot tolerate and forgiven in a relationship. Some women consider their man flirting with another woman as cheating while others don’t bat an eyelash at it. Some women can forgive a man who has had sex with another woman. And then there’s the nebulous kiss.
Would I kick my man out if he gave a co-worker or an acquaintance a peck on the cheek? No. But if I find out he’s been slobbing down his ex, or the co-worker he spends too much time with, then we will definitely have a problem. Sex with someone else is a deal breaker. But a kiss – it can signal a deep, passionate, emotional connection…or it can mean absolutely nothing. I hope to never have to discern which is which with my husband, but you tell me – is kissing cheating…and if so, would you forgive him?
By YourTango, As told to Maureen Dempsey
What happens when your boyfriend is gay, and you’re part of his in-the-closet plan?
Mike and I met our sophomore year in college. We quickly became friends and stayed within a tight social circle for the remainder of undergrad years. I think I always had a crush on him, but he was dating someone, then I was. We never made the connection but he was always a constant in my life.
As we wrapped senior year on the East Coast and I tried to figure out next steps, I was definitely influenced by his decision to attend grad school in California. He and our buddy Ryan were off to medical school—but I didn’t want to lose my closest friends. Since I didn’t have anything planned yet, when they suggested I head across the country with them and start a new, post-college life, I accepted.
And new it was: Mike and I began dating. This is what I had wanted ever since we first met four years prior. I wanted so badly to make it work. Dating Mike was eerily similar to being friends with Mike, but with slightly more physical contact. And I mean slightly more. Maybe it’s just because we know each other well, I thought. Maybe this is what it’s like to date a close friend.
And as time passed, we settled into a comfortable relationship. We had sex on a regular, if infrequent, basis, but with time doesn’t romance fizzle for everyone? We also had the inconvenience of roommates: Mike lived with Ryan, and I had two of my own. Finding privacy was like an Olympic event. We chased it, but we rarely found it. Most of our time was spent eating out, watching movies, or hanging out with friends.
Things were going well with Mike; we rarely fought. It was Mike and Ryan that seemed to be doing more of the arguing lately. Ryan had recently come out as gay and was dating a fellow med student. Tensions had risen in the apartment since Ryan’s lifestyle announcement, and I couldn’t help but wonder if Mike was homophobic.
One day I arrived at Mike’s apartment to find Mike and Ryan in a screaming match. When I interrupted, Mike wanted to end the conversation but Ryan continued to egg Mike on, asking him to “let her know what’s really going on.” After half-an-hour of calming Mike down, he finally explained: He and Ryan were lovers. The two of them had been secretly dating since our freshman year of college and dating women to cover it up.
Have you ever felt like you were a a man’s “beard” or date a man who came out of the closet during your relationship? Visit YourTango to read how this woman cut herself off from a life of dishonesty.
By Monica Bielanko, From YourTango
Before you think anything about anything let me just say this: I know. I know it’s not the best thing in the world to be dating a guy twice your age. Especially when he’s married and you work for his wife. I KNOW. Cut me a little slack though wouldja?
I was brand new to Salt Lake City. I’d finally escaped the Mormon bubble and was puffed with pride over my bona fide college student status. I answered an ad in the classifieds and nabbed employment as a nanny (rich folk term for babysitter) of a cherubic-faced 2-year-old.
Her father, Ryan, was definitely older. 40 to my 19. He was also definitely married. With children. It began innocently enough. After babysitting for the family for a few months, Ryan approached me with an offer. He owned a company and was in need of a “file girl,” who could hang around the office for a couple of hours every afternoon. Ryan agreed to pay me under the table and I accepted. I could babysit my beloved 2-year-old in the morning, attend college classes in the afternoon, then head to the office.
But I was young. I never thought a man as old as my dad would be interested in me. So the night Ryan let his hand linger on my arm after walking me to my car left me reeling.
I drove home with a pack of rabid butterflies banging around my stomach. I debated what Ryan meant with the lingering hand. Was it intentional? Maybe he didn’t realize he’d done it. After a restless night of sleep, I wrote off the lengthy squeeze as the imaginations of a goofy teenager with a crush.
Read more about this affair at YourTango.com
Beyonce has insinuated that Jay Z has a wandering eye in her lyrics before. See it all in GIFs!
Beyonce recently hinted that Jay Z cheated on her when she altered the lyrics to her 2008 track “Resentment” live on the power couple’s “On the Run” tour.
Hov nor Bey have commented on the allegations, but Jay’s flirtations with designer Rachel Roy — and to some extent even supermodel Naomi Campbell, according to recent rumors — are said to be behind the infamous elevator brawl with Solange.
However, the now-viral “Resentment” change aren’t the only hints Queen Bey drops that Jay Z may be less than faithful to her. Which means Jay Z, who didn’t pass the bar but knows a lil’ bit, may be dumber than we thought.
To reiterate: Jay Z is married to Beyonce and possibly cheated on Beyonce. On Beyonce. No one cheats on Beyonce because you cannot physically, emotionally, mentally nor spiritually upgrade from Beyonce.
Someone, please. Shake some sense into Jigga Man before Bey realizes she’s an Independent Woman and leaves his ass.
Take a look at Bey possibly putting Jay on blast (and her funny faces) on Your Tango.