All Articles Tagged "infidelity"
Last week, we announced that Iggy Azalea called of her engagement to Nick Young. And while many of us assumed it was a cheating issue—considering Young was on video admitting to his sexcapades— there seems to be more to the story.
According to Life and Style, the “more” is that Young got Keonna Green, the mother of his four-year-old son, pregnant with another child.
A source told Life and Style, “Nick waited until Keonna was four months pregnant to tell Iggy the news. He rationalized his actions saying he was drunk and it represented a lapse in judgment. He said it was a one-night stand and would never happen again.
According to this source, Keonna is pregnant with another son.
This all sounds like hearsay, but Life and Style reports that they approached Keonna themselves and she appeared visibly pregnant. When they asked if the pregnancy was an accident for her and Nick, she said “yes” before immediately responding, “No comment.”
The insider suggested that before the pregnancy, Iggy was willing to ignore all of Nick’s other indiscretions but a baby was too much.
Growing up in the church is one of the most complex lifestyles to understand, much less be a part of. Author Fanitra Brantley takes us behind-the-scenes of the ministry in a most honest book, Sacred Tears. Brantley, a preacher’s daughter who later became first lady of a church, details her triumphs and adversities as it relates to her spiritual journey – having faith, losing faith and regaining faith. The now-divorced empowerment speaker describes her life as a first lady and the pressures that came with it. She writes in detail about the pressure to appear as though her personal life and marriage were perfect when, in fact, she was dealing with infidelity and divorce, as well as the pain and depression that often follows.
In her heart-wrenching new book, Brantley shares her emotional journey not to bash or shame her ex-husband for his shortcomings, but as a cathartic outlet to help her heal the wounds and find peace and closure. Brantley penned this book to help inspire other women, especially mothers, who have also endured extreme heartache from relationships and other setbacks in life. If she can overcome her situation, she wants everyone to know that they can too.
We had a chance to sit and chat with Ms. Brantley about Sacred Tears and the inspirations behind it.
MommyNoire: Fanitra, thank you so much for taking the time for seeking with us today. You were the first lady of the church alongside your now ex-husband. Did you grow up in the church?
Fanitra Brantley: My mother’s father is a pastor and my father’s mother is the lady of the church and she’s been there since the church was established. So I pretty much grew up with the church being the number one focus of my life on both sides of my family. Growing up in the church was difficult for me. I pushed away from it and I really didn’t want to be a part of it.
Why is that?
Because it was being forced and I wanted to find things out on my own. I really wanted to take my time to get to know things because I don’t like people forcing their ideas and beliefs on me. Church was the focus of my life and I felt, at the time, was being forced. We had to be there all the time to do this and that and no one could explain to me why. It wasn’t until I was about 14-years-old and my grandfather preached a sermon on baptism that I fully understood what baptism meant and after learning more about it, I wanted to be baptized. So that’s where my journey in wanting to be a part of the church started.
From what we understand, you were married and became a first lady yourself at a young age. Did you meet your now ex-husband in the church?
I met my ex when I was 17 and, yes, he was a minister at the church. When we met, he was in the Navy and was just stationed in our area and we did meet in church.
And shortly thereafter, you were married and first lady of a church?
Well, shortly after we got married, we got a call from my grandfather and he said there was a church in south Georgia that was in need of a pastor. So we went through the process of being vetted for the position and they chose my husband. We finally opened the doors to that church and it was like doom and gloom because people were sad behind the departure of the last pastor. So we had to rebuild the congregation from the bottom up and it was a challenge because we were both so young at the time. We were 19 and 21 when we got married and only two years into our marriage. We were newlyweds, he was still in the Navy and we just been called into the ministry. It was a lot to take on!
Surely, there was a huge amount of pressure being first lady of the church as such a young age…
It was so hard because, as a pastor and first lady, you have the responsibility of other people’s troubles on your hands. It was a huge amount of pressure but I did have a map or blueprint, if you will, in my grandmother. She was first lady for 31 years and she was my guide in terms of building churches to community service, what to do, what not to do and so on. So, I modeled my approach to being first lady based off of what I learned from my grandmother and grandfather.
So there was a lot of pressure there and I wanted to be just as good as my grandmother, if not better. What I learned, though, is that every church is different, especially when it comes to the rules and regulations of the baptist church and other denominations. So, me being so young as well as new mother, it was a lot.
Was finding a church/life balance a challenge?
When you become pastor and first lady of a church, that’s a marriage within itself. That’s a lot to manage. Members of the church are looking to the pastor as a husband, as a friend, as a life counselor, confidante and so on and I believe that a pastor should know to put his family first. I believe that God ordained the family first before the church and it is an enormous challenge to find the balance between the two. Our mistake was putting the church first in our marriage.
Our whole lives were centered around the church. We could be on vacation and something would happen or someone would pass away and and my husband and myself and kids would have to leave to be at the church for the funeral proceedings. That was his job. There were a lot of birthdays and family occasions that he missed as a result of having to be a there and we, unfortunately, put the church before our family.
In what ways did your marriage suffer as a result?
It wasn’t until we had moved onto our second church that things became different for us. We had gained a great deal of recognition and “fame” and the more we became successful, more problems came along with it. I was of the understanding that this was his calling, his ministry and this is what God called him to do. I never questioned that. On the other hand, I also wasn’t wasn’t checking up on him or following his every move. So, I think this created a lane for things that, in the end, would be hurtful to me.
In your book, you reveal that your husband had a child outside of your marriage. How did that affect you and your position in the church?
Well, I was willing to work it out. That’s why we ended up building a second church. In my mind, we had already been through so much together and we, at that point, had been married for 11 years or so. I really thought that we were going to be able to get over that. I quickly learned this would become a cycle to the drama and to the mess of things that were attached to the situation that was out of my control. I ended up having to get a restraining order against the woman.
Stay tuned for part 2 of this interview.
“I just couldn’t stay—not even if I wanted to,” my ex once told me during one of our hypothetical conversations about what would happen if one of us cheated. “Anytime I look at you, visions of you smashing the next dude would play over and over in my mind. It would be torture.”
He didn’t even have to think about it. Like, not even a little bit. After exchanging stories with my co-workers, I realized that my ex’s reaction is not uncommon. One co-worker shared that when she asked her parents this question, her mother said that it would depend on the situation while her father flat out said that the marriage would be over.
Recently, the women of “The Real” tackled this very subject, and Adrienne Bailon shared why at this point in her life, she would not stay with a cheating partner.
“I don’t have kids, and I’m not married, so I can’t speak honestly about what I would do then, but now, if I was in a relationship with anyone now and they cheated, I absolutely would say ‘Bye.’ I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again.”
Bailon went on to explain that most men wouldn’t stay with a cheating woman, and she doesn’t understand why women even consider doing the same.
“You know why I don’t stand for it? And I know this sounds crazy, women, please just hear me out, and men even hear me out. I’m sorry, but how often you do you hear about a woman cheating on a man, and he stays?” she questioned. “If we did the things that they did, they would be out so quick. Why do we always have to have the forgiving hearts?”
Truthfully, she has a point. If you asked ten men and ten women if they would leave their partners if they cheated on them, there’s a good chance that you would get a least a couple of women, if not more, who would tell you that they might stay depending on the circumstances. The men, however, might unanimously agree that they would have to peace out if they caught their lady screwing the milkman. Of course, there are probably some men who might consider staying, but they’re definitely the anomaly.
What do you think? Do you think your man would stay if you cheated? Would you consider staying if he cheated? Let us know in the comments below.
Do husbands need to step up their Mother’s Day game next year?
Mother’s Day is the day where everyone puts in a little extra effort to make mothers feel appreciated for all that they do. But sometimes, families get lazy and get gifts they obviously bought last minute, or they don’t have any real plans for the day.
It’s infuriating! These women spend most of their days being a good wife and mother, so hurt feelings are completely understandable if others don’t take the holiday seriously.
So, what do wives and mothers do when it’s obvious their families don’t care that much? They cheat the next day.
According to Ashley Madison’s reports, last year, their numbers of sign-ups spiked by 442 percent after the holiday, all thanks to women searching online to have an affair. They expect their numbers to spike again by 500 percent this year.
How should men avoid disappointing the hard-working mother of their children? Give them what they want.
Ashley Madison conducted a survey with 10,817 moms and found that 58 percent want to have a romantic evening with their husband, 33 percent want to get away and relax at the spa in the afternoon, and only 9 percent want time alone to relax.
However, their special day looks nothing like this. Instead, they are still stuck with mommy duty!
The survey found 66 percent of moms end up taking care of kids with a planned activity, 21 percent get a card and flowers, and 13 percent get breakfast in bed from their kids … but have to clean afterwards.
Husbands, take notes if you don’t want her stray!
What do you think of these statistics?
With each effort, Beyoncé, the Queen of Slay and Innovation, continues to break the mold. Her concept album Lemonade proves that with each song and its accompanying visuals, which something tells me we’ll be studying and unpacking for quite some time. Lemonade also happens to be the singer’s most personal album to date. Beyoncé opens up about infidelity in her marriage, sings about “Becky with the good hair” and promises her husband “You’re gonna lose your wife,” if he tries “this sh-t again.” Thanks to Lemonade and the real life “Becky” who allegedly outed herself via social media, legions of Beyoncé fans turned against Racheal Ray with a quickness, accusing her of being “Becky.” Oops! I mean Rachel Roy…
Among many things, all of this lemonade got us thinking about songs that speak to love, heartbreak, and cheating. Whether singers have been cheated on or did the cheating themselves, the issue is a common one in all kinds of music. Here are some of the best-known songs that deal with infidelity.
Only the boldest of cheaters would be so callous as to carry out their extramarital affairs in their homes…on the beds they share with their spouses. However, this apparently happens more often than you might think because Spanish inventors have gone as far as to design a mattress smart enough to detect infidelity.
According to Glamour, the bed, called the Smarttress, has a “Lover Detection System” that utilizes 24 sensors to pick up on movement deemed “suspicious.” The mattress can also pick up on when it’s getting action during unusual hours of the day.
“If it detects suspicious activity regarding time of use, frequency, intensity, or speed, it sends a push notification to the terminal with which it is linked,” the Durmet spokesperson, Antonio Muiño, expressed.
According to Muiño, many cheaters in Spain carry out their affairs in their preferred place to get frisky, which is their homes.
“The Spaniards are the most unfaithful in Europe,” he said, adding: “the preferred place to make love for the Spanish is their own house.”
Resorting such measures to catch a cheater seems pretty extreme if you ask me because, honestly, when you know, you know. But if you think having a Smarttress will help you to sleep better at night—both literally and figuratively—go for it.
“If he can cheat, he will cheat.”
This is what I was told by a wealthy man who considered himself “lucky” enough to have both a wife and a girlfriend. He was living a double life in every sense of the word. He assumed that the two women knew of each other, but neither of them wanted to admit it. Admitting their knowledge would force them to deal with the fact that they were accepting blatant disrespect from a man. Of course, the offender didn’t see it like this. In fact, he had a quite convincing explanation (at least to himself). He said with certainty that if a woman dates a man with money and status she should expect to be cheated on, at least once.
Interestingly enough, on a recent episode of NBC’s The Carmichael Show entitled, “Everbody Cheats,” this same type of opinion was shared by the lead character, Jerrod, after the husband of a family friend was caught creeping. As Vulture’s recap of the episode put it:
“Jerrod is more concerned with the financials of Karen’s marriage. He believes that cheating is natural for successful rich people. According to Jerrod, an income of $50,000 to $100,000 — the bracket in which he himself lands — means a man has thought about doing it, but won’t act on those urges. Once a man cracks $100,000, he has definitely cheated.”
I am no relationship expert, but going into a relationship with the expectation of being cheated on sounds like a slap in the face to yourself. It’s like saying, “I’m not good enough for a man to be monogamous with, so I will just accept what I can get because…well…I want a man.”
This thinking sounds self-destructive. However, I am not at all surprised that some men (and women) have bought into this notion: If he can cheat with ease, he will cheat often. And if he’s rolling in dough, he will.
Let’s face it, more women than not prefer a man who is rich and powerful. Not too many women would say, “I want my man to be broke and powerless.” And in a society where status matters and old-fashioned rules are out the door, we don’t really know what people are dealing with behind closed doors to be in certain relationships. People want to be known and have flashy things. And even women who are doing well on their own often want a man who can provide the same, or better.
Usually, the more handsome or financially well off the man is, the easier it is for him to get a woman. If it’s easier for him to get a woman, wouldn’t this also make it easier for him to cheat? The man living a double life that I mentioned above sure thinks so. In fact, he was quick to tell his stories of sexual escapades with women who were keen to be with him because of who he was and what he had. The stories would seem adventurous to other men, but I’m almost positive his wife and girlfriend would find them horrific.
Still, he was quite certain they would never confront him about the “rumors” because he took care of them both, sexually and financially. His words, not mine.
A 2011 study conducted by professors at Tilburg University backs up this sentiment. More than 1,500 professionals were surveyed to examine the relationship between power and infidelity. Results showed that the more power a person had, the more likely he or she was to cheat. Power produced more confidence, in turn making the person even more attractive to others.
“If women want a faithful man,” the wealthy cheater said, “they need to get a broke man who doesn’t have a lot of options.”
Well damn, I thought; but as brash and insensitive as he sounded, I knew that he was probably right in some instances.
Tons of men with money and status are notorious for being put on blast publicly because of their scandalous ways. And many times we see their wives or significant others stand by their sides as if nothing ever happened. Maybe the “nothing” is something they have chalked up as coming with the territory. Could it be par for the course?
While I haven’t yet subscribed to the idea that all men cheat in relationships, I’m not naive enough to pretend that I don’t know that there are a large percentage who do. And while I get what the man said about men with money having more options, is there an expectation for them to cheat? And with that in mind, as a woman looking for a monogamous, healthy relationship, would you be so comfortable dating a wealthy man?
Chances are, you’ve heard about the D’Angelo Russell and Nick Young debacle. If you haven’t, allow me to quickly catch you up to speed. D’Angelo recorded footage (see below) of Nick apparently admitting to cheating on his fiancée, Iggy Azalea. Somehow, the video later found its way to the Internet. Word on the street is that D’Angelo meant to send it to a friend on Snapchat, but accidentally made it public so that everyone could see it. Before he could delete it, someone snatched the footage, and it later surfaced on Fameolous.
NBA star Nick Young Caught on Video Admitting To Cheating On Iggy With A 19-Year-Old Girl After The Club! pic.twitter.com/9ny9tDG0Mb
— Fameolous (@Fameolous) March 24, 2016
At first glance, it definitely looks like a setup. It appears that D’Angelo strategically questioned Nick so that he could then expose him as a cheater; however, when you really think about it, it seems unlikely that this rookie would want to intentionally expose his teammate and friend. To me, it seems like a mistake that was made by an immature young man who plays entirely too much. However, regardless of his intent, this mistake will cost him quite a bit. He’s been labeled as a snitch, and some speculate that the only way that this situation can be made right is for the Lakers to trade D’Angelo. And even then, it’s assumed that D’Angelo will have a hard time because he can’t be trusted. The public—professional athletes included— have made sport of dogging D’Angelo on social media.
You ain't real… No matter how much money you make… You a corndog https://t.co/fdjx3I1NRl
— Tyrann Mathieu (@Mathieu_Era) March 30, 2016
— Riko Santana (@FuckTvitterHoes) March 30, 2016
@Dloading 🐷🐷🐷🐭🐭🐭 you need jail time
— Drip Hamilton (@KirbyLaflare) March 25, 2016
What he did was wrong. Dead wrong. But he’s not the only dishonest and deceitful party in this situation. So many people are going hard about dude violating guy code and locker room etiquette. Meanwhile, Nick is on camera admitting and even bragging about cheating on the woman who he’s supposed to be marrying in a few months. But D’Angelo is the primary one being dogged and Nick is getting the sympathy? What about the woman who was publicly embarrassed because the man she was getting ready to marry thinks it’s cute to cheat?
I don’t get it.
To make matters worse, it’s not like this is the first time Nick has found himself in the midst of a cheating scandal. Last year, after he was accused of stepping out on the rapper, he told fans that he had more sense than to mess up a good thing by fooling around on Iggy.
Lo and behold, dude not only cheats, but he thinks it’s something to brag about. But D’Angelo is the lone rat in this situation? Yeah, okay.
hmmm i see D Angelo Russell is trending… I actually liked his film. Thanks bro.
— IGGY AZALEA (@IGGYAZALEA) March 30, 2016
If anything, D’Angelo may have stopped Iggy from making a huge mistake.
Update: While Columbus was sitting silent in the video Karrine posted, several hours later, he had a few things to say about what seems to be their breakup on Twitter.
See what he had to say.
Just want to say….that it's unfortunate that way things end up. I felt truly that a woman gave me a home and a place to get my mind right
— Columbus Short (@ColumbusShort1) March 29, 2016
And a place to maturate gifts that I wasn't able to foster, without stability. I love Karin and her brilliantly talented son. But toxicity
— Columbus Short (@ColumbusShort1) March 29, 2016
(Did this dude just spell her name incorrectly?)
Of any kind isn't healthy for anyone. I've been working hard to bring you guys quality movies, music and art. And that's exactly what will
— Columbus Short (@ColumbusShort1) March 29, 2016
Continue to happen. How could you not love a woman who took you in a broken place and allow you to heal. I'm thankful for the journey and
— Columbus Short (@ColumbusShort1) March 29, 2016
It ain't the first time I've been homeless. But will definitely be the last!! When it's all said and done stand strong stand tall and
— Columbus Short (@ColumbusShort1) March 29, 2016
Most of all UNBROKEN……If I'm still standing you have no excuse! #MoreThanConquerers
— Columbus Short (@ColumbusShort1) March 29, 2016
Man…when you’re homeless, you definitely shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds and shelters you. Smh… hopefully Columbus will learn one day.
Karrine Steffans and Columbus Short have certainly had a whirlwind romance. Before we even had a chance to get used to these two as a couple, they were announcing that they were married. That was mid January.
Now, in late March, it seems that there might be trouble in paradise.
Well, not exactly “seems,” Karrine made it crystal clear on her Twitter page early this morning.
@ColumbusShort1 Out here fucking everything moving, ain't got a penny to his name and no place to live. Nigga, bye. FOH.
— Mrs. Karrine Short (@karrineandco) March 29, 2016
And as y’all know, Columbus Short is no stranger to mess and mayhem. And for whatever reason, there’s always a camera around to capture it.
Last night/early this morning, Karrine was holding that camera as she told the world that Short had been unfaithful. She even took the liberty of making it a bit easier for the blogs to find these women that he allegedly cheated with, by @ mentioning them in her Instagram post.
A photo posted by Mrs. Karrine Short (@karrineandco) on
There was also a video. And the looks one or both of them didn’t take the news too kindly. Columbus’ belongings were strewn across the floor of what looked like some type of lobby. While Karrine spoke, Short sat silently in a chair.
A video posted by Mrs. Karrine Short (@karrineandco) on
If you’ve followed Karrine’s Instagram page since January, you know that literally every other post is about her fabulous marriage to Columbus and how she’s never loved anyone as deeply as she loves him.
So naturally, it’s quite interesting to see this 180 degree turn.
I really don’t know what to say about these two. So, we’ll let you draw your own conclusions. Though, with Short’s history of domestic violence, I certainly hope she protects herself.
If you’ve been on Twitter today, you might have noticed that 20-year-old R&B artist Kehlani has been trending. Now, I know that many of you may not be familiar with Kehlani. And that’s fine. What we’re discussing today is more about relationships, double standard, and how to handle said drama when you’re in the public eye.
So what exactly happened with Kehlani?
Well, if you were at all familiar with her, you might have known that she was in a relatively new relationship with Cleveland Cavaliers player, 24-year-old Kyrie Irving. The two seemed to be going quite strong after celebrating their first Valentine’s Day together.
But things took a left turn when Kehlani’s ex, a producer named PartyNextDoor, posted a very incriminating picture of the two in bed together.
As you can tell, there are no faces, no body parts. But Kehlani has some very distinct tattoos. With that caption, the couple’s history, and the tussled sheets, it wasn’t hard for folks to surmise that they had slept together; which, if true, would mean that she cheated on Kyrie Irving.
In response, likely to the public backlash and her overflowing Instagram notifications, Kehlani, a new artist deleted her entire Instagram page, losing all of those followers. While she never addressed the picture directly, deleting an entire Instagram page, particularly as a new artist, is very close to an admission of guilt.
What happened afterward has been quite annoying. Men from all corners of the earth (read: young, Black men in America) have been blasting Kehlani and the rest of “these hoes” who don’t know how to handle or appreciate “a nice guy.” Not having the full story about the current status of the couple’s relationship, not knowing if Irving is indeed a “nice guy.” And what I find particularly irritating is that when male artists, entertainers and athletes cheat on their wives and girlfriends, there is no trending topic. Men don’t call these other men hoes. They don’t express their allegiance to the “good girl” who was hurt privately and publicly humiliated. Instead, men shrug their shoulders and offer explanations about biology, monogamy and access when you have money like these public figures. Hell, some of them might even celebrate the man for being “out here.”
The discussion about PartyNextDoor and his foul ways have yet to cross my path.
In this whole discussion of Kehlani, Ayesha Curry’s name was also trending. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but ever since homegirl talked about her preference for covering up, men have placed her on a pedestal, pointing to her as a beacon for Black womanhood. I happen to like Ayesha Curry but I really resent the fact that much of the discussion surrounding her in our community is about berating and belittling other women in comparison to her. Men have been tweeting all day that they’re looking for an “Ayesha Curry in a world full of Kehlanis.” As my coworker brought to my attention, someone literally tweeted that Ayesha Curry was the last good, light-skinned girl out here. As if any of these men, spending their waking hours on social media, could be Steph on their best day, or would even know what to do with an Ayesha type.
This is all just a little background.
At the very end of the day, I feel sorry for Kehlani. Not because I’m excusing her infidelity; if that’s really what happened, but more so because I’m thinking about her career and her mental health. Having scads of angry, disconnected people from all over the internet trying to speak on your morals and character is enough to drive any sane person mad. Working on the internet, I know that feeling well. So even if she did make a mistake, I hope she has some positive and uplifting people in her corner who are keeping her off of social media and reminding her of all the good qualities she possesses. And I hope she’s truly internalizing that message.
But then there’s the career piece as well. No one, who is serious about their craft as an artist, wants scandal to be associated with their name before they’ve had a chance to prove themselves and blow up in the industry. But today, sadly, that’s the position in which Kehlani finds herself. Sadly, there will be tons of people who will hear about her for the very first time today, in relation to these allegations of cheating.
In an ideal world, this is what would have happened after PartyNextDoor posted that picture.
1. Kehlani called him and cussed him out for being messy and violating her privacy on the internet.
2. She did NOT, I repeat DID NOT delete her Instagram page.
3. She called Kyrie to explain what happened… if she’s still interesting in saving the relationship.
4. She offered NO explanation to the people of cyberspace. Deleting the page read guilty, while silence leaves room for question, doubt and, most advantageously, intrigue. People would have flocked to her social media channels looking for an explanation. And while there, they might have become more acquainted with her skills.
5. She would have either owned up to the infidelity, preferably with a new song. Or deny, deny, deny. She could have said this was an old picture. Could have said that her ex was messing with a copycat or hell, that they simply fell asleep after working on a song together. At the end of the day, the only person she needed to explain herself to, was Kyrie. Not us.
Hopefully, she can bounce back from all of this. Use this laser focus on her life either to her career advancement or to reconnect with the people who will continue to ride for her and her artistry. But in the meantime, the fellas out there, looking to throw the first stone, should back back.