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You can try to categorize some behaviors as female and others as male, but really, it all depends on whose perspective you’re viewing it from. When it comes down to it, we’re all human,we tend to be driven by the same things, and we have the same insecurities, frustrations and desires. The difference is we express them in more “male” or “female” ways, but often we are guilty of the exact same behavior we criticize, we just don’t notice it because it looks different. In all of these ways, most couples are hypocritical and do not practice what they preach.

Photograph courtesy of thegrio.com

Communication, or more specifically, social networking is changing rapidly. That’s no big secret. And since I began using Twitter more frequently last summer, I have decided that valid college courses (perhaps even whole degrees) could be dedicated to the psychology of social networking. It has opened up a whole new dimension to the study of human behavior. Everything is taking place online, from business networking to the forming/ending of friendships to flirting to dating and even to proposing marriage. With so much personal interaction happening from behind a laptop screen, especially where potential friendships/relationships are concerned, the question then becomes, “How do I know that the person on the other end is legit?”

The new age answer? Time and Twitter.

Let me explain. I interact with very few folks who don’t have Twitter or Facebook, the big kahunas of social networking. When forming new relationships, being aware of a person’s “online presence” is an important supplement to our in-person assessments of each other.  I learned the interesting way that lots of young men tweet their true thoughts and feelings while holding up masks to please the ladies they want to impress. I wanted to yell in a Katt Williams-esque screech, “You big dummy! Did you know that I can SEE you?! The real you?!” We, women do it too but I’m not on that right now.

Of course, I have a personal example for y’all: Though this particular guy didn’t use his Twitter account much, he liked enough of my tweets to send me a direct message. Cool. I was testing out my newfound “openness” since my friends swear up and down that I’m too guarded. He led his pursuit with his admiration of my writing skills and my natural hair. Like a moth to a flame I was drawn. A dude who could rock with two of the things I love most? Hail yeah! But having dove in headfirst a time or two before, the 89.7% guardedness that still had a hold on me said to take it slowly. I heeded the warning and pumped the brakes.

For the first few months there was virtually no topic we couldn’t discuss and I can’t lie, I was analyzing his every move to see if this could become something more. He said all the right things. He was a gentleman when we met up for lunch or dinner. He was respectful of my values.  I was swooning to my girls.

He started using Twitter more frequently and watching him get the hang of hashtags and the “@” was cute. Then, he started tweeting more often. For a while it was mostly his self-proclaimed authoritative sports analyses. But then, the other shoe dropped. Out of nowhere came a barrage of tweets outlining how to ‘quickly get the box’ from even the most jaded females. Then tweets about how ‘ugly and/or fat females have no room to be picky’ when it comes to finding a mate and so on and so forth, to the point that I didn’t even recognize him. Looking at his tweets and our conversations, you would think that there were two totally different people present or that he had one heck of a personality disorder. When tweeting/Instagraming/Facebooking with his boys he was vulgar, chauvinistic and downright mean. I understand men don’t speak the same way to their love interest/significant other as they do to their friends – and I’m actually GLAD that they don’t – but THIS bordered on bipolar schizophrenia. Then, one night he decided to “subtweet attack” me (passive aggressively tell me off via Twitter) for not wanting to come out to the city with him. Chile, no. Uh uh. Nope. I set him straight, blocked him and deleted his number with the quickness. I had learned all I needed to learn through my slow-paced six months of “introduction” to him and it was clear that this was NOT a match.

People call it “Twitter stalking.” I call it simply taking myself and my time seriously enough to be aware of a person from all angles – how they are with me, their family, on Facebook, at the club, etc. Just as much as I paid attention to what he said verbally and through body language in person, I paid that same amount of attention to who he was online. I’m not saying one should over-analyze every little deed, but for goodness’ sake, be aware. Social networking has allowed us to freely (and sometimes unknowingly) expose our true selves through a seemingly one-way glass of anonymity. It’s a gift to the genuine but a curse to the fake. Time and careful attention to the details will outlast the smoke and mirrors and give you an all-access pass behind the scenes. So be patient. Be open. Be aware. And get to know someone from all sides. The attention to detail is worth it.

La Truly is a late-blooming Aries with Natural hair and lots to say. Her writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. Armed with the ability to purposefully poke fun at herself and a passion for young women’s empowerment, La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and positive change. Check out her thoughts/jokes/rants on Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly.  

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