Source: Bravo

Before the stay-at-home mothers of the world jump on me, I’m by no means knocking women who have opted to make raising their children their full-time jobs while their husbands work. I am, however, just slightly confused how a woman like Porsha Stewart who is neither staying at home taking care of children or keeping house, can claim that what she’s doing is “real work.” I guess the slang PC thing to say here would be “get it how you live,” but I’m not sure I’m a real fan of how this woman is acting like her standard of living is something to applaud and be in awe of.

In her Bravo blog this week, Porsha complained about the shade being thrown on the show “at every turn,” then turns around and throws some of her own, writing:

“I am a real housewife and live an everyday lifestyle, so I’m not accustomed to women acting this way. It’s just starting to seem like there’s going to be some shade at every turn. I genuinely care for[Cynthia], and I just hope I’m wrong. But if not, I now have tough skin and can roll with the punches.”

Porsha was referring to hoping that she’s wrong about her conclusion that Cynthia is just as catty as the rest of the housewives based on her behavior when Porsha tried to give her some tips on the world of pageantry. That statement I could somewhat deal with, but it’s the pretentiousness in the next few lines that I’m so over:

“Well guys I need to go pick up my pooch from the groomer. Until next time!

“P.S. To all the women out there raising a family and taking care of your household, don’t let anyone tell you that your efforts and what you do does not have value or isn’t work! All the love, caring, prayers, and labor it takes to raise a family is a wonderful thing and a blessing to have. Be encouraged!”

Well thank you evangelist Stewart, but if you don’t currently have children, you don’t even clean and shape up your own dog, and I’m sure you have a maid or two cleaning that big ‘ol house, what work do you do pray tell? ‘Just askin.’

I have vowed to quit trash reality tv for months now. But after the big ghetto disaster seen ‘round the world that was Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, I meant it more than I ever had. I was so embarrassed for the cast and shaking my head at myself for not being able to turn away from the train wreck that happened on my television screen, every week like clockwork. It was a conversation piece. It was my small chance to play psychologist and try to determine what made these folks get up here on national television and act a plum fool. It was entertainment. And it was filling. Not filling in a “Girllll, that did my soul good!” type of way. Filling in a way that left me kinda sick, frustrated and disgusted. Weekly I was seeing beautiful, talented, broken, misunderstood, hurt women invite me and millions of other Americans into scripted portions of their lives to judge, suck our teeth in disdain, laugh uncontrollably, whatever – as long as we were watching.

I wasn’t learning anything from what I was seeing and I suppose that is the point of most reality television; to simply entertain with little to no educational or uplifting value. It’s just something to do. Something to see. But something clicked and I was no longer satisfied with simply “being entertained.” I can see how it may seem to be blown out of proportion but I have to tell you, once I started reining in my reality television intake, life started to carry a little more hope. I substituted Dr. Steve Perry saving our sons, T.I and Tiny raising their beautiful kids and Tia and Tamera navigating motherhood and Hollywood for those crazy, foul-mouthed mob wives and those catty, overbearing housewives. I started looking for substance and it has been one of the most rewarding investments of time I’ve ever made where entertainment is concerned. The positivity I was looking for was always here, I just had to break my gaze from the debauchery to head toward its light.

In being totally honest, I do catch an occasional episode of Basketball Wives LA  (Miss Jackie Christie is six separate shades of crazy and it blows my mind!) but trash reality tv doesn’t hold an ensconced place in my entertainment schedule anymore. I’m looking toward what uplifts, motivates, inspires and showcases folks who have or are walking the same path as me. To each her own. But I’ve given positivity a permanent home.

La Truly is a late-blooming Aries whose writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and change. Her blog: www.hersoulinc.com and Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly. 

bossip.com

You love them, I love them.  You can’t stand them, I can’t stand them.  But for whatever reason, we always find ourselves tuned in every season for Real Housewives of Atlanta. They’re currently filming but we’ve got to wonder how much greater the ladies would be if they took some of the following advice…

As women rise in the workplace and a growing number of us become successful entrepreneurs, the number of househusbands, or stay-at-home dads, is also increasing. For many couples this sort of role reversal can be difficult and lead to a multitude of issues, often latent within the male ego. Men are wired to be protectors and providers, traits commonly dissociated with being a homemaker. So, when it becomes best for your family that he stays home with the kids, folds laundry, cooks and cleans, it is important to help him transition gracefully and ensure that he maintains his manhood:

Oh, and before you get all me-and-my-man-are-equals-I’m-an-independent-strong-black-woman huffy and puffy, remember it’s not always about you and how you feel. Plus, a man who feels subordinate and emasculated doesn’t typically make for a good companion.

Don’t criticize the methods to his madness.
This is something stay-at-home moms hate, so you can imagine how much more irritating it can be to a man still trying to accept the home as his place of employment. You are not his supervisor. He is the house manager and, so long as he keeps things in order, it would be wise to keep critical commentary to a minimum. As long as the babies are alive, clean and fed, don’t sweat it. Conducting daily home inspections will only feed the monster that says, “See, I told you!  You don’t belong here.”

Acknowledge the difficulty of staying home.
Being a full-time spouse and parent is probably the most underrated occupation. Many mothers will tell you it was less exhausting and (at times) less stressful working outside of the home. There are no breaks for stay-at-home parents. The hours are generally 24/7 with, if you’re lucky, an evening or two weekly to break away for a few hours. Much of the dissatisfaction that comes from staying home full-time is feeling like the working parent doesn’t understand how hard it is managing a household. Be sure not to compare the difficulty of your day to his, as if he has it easy sitting on his butt, tweeting Wendy Williams’ hot topics.

Keep him involved in money matters.
If your husband managed the finances while he was working, continue to let him do so. You should always be aware of what’s going on with the family’s finances; but if he is used to paying bills and allocating funds, don’t stop him because subconsciously you’ve begun to regard it as yours. Zero influence over financial matters will leave your man feeling powerless, and powerless men tend to cower.

Maintain roles unrelated to work.
We have a tendency to take become domineering when we feel like we are supporting our men—bossing them around, threatening financial restrictions, rationing sex and intimacy. Keep giving your man back rubs. Cook for him. Let him know you still expect him to take the lead. Support him. Keep being his wife.

Find a local network of men like him.
Connecting with other fathers in his position will be more affirming and give him the sense of belonging to something bigger that comes from working with an organization. Plus, playdates with others fathers will also be beneficial to your children. Seeing others dads in non-traditional roles will make their situation appear less unorthodox also. But, don’t expect him to look it up on his own. You’ll have to help out by pointing him in the right direction.

There’s a popular saying “happy wife, happy life.” Well, in the case of the house-hubby, it’s the opposite.

LaShaun Williams is a Madame Noire contributor and blogger whose work has appeared in the New York Times and across several popular sites, such as HuffPost Black Voices and the Grio. You can visit her blog at lashaunwilliams.com or follow her on Twitter @itsmelashaun and Facebook.

More on Madame Noire!

• Didn’t You Think They’d Last? 7 Surprising Celebrity Breakups
• Where Are They Now? The Cast of “Good Times”
• You Remind Me Of My Jeep: 7 Songs That Make You Want To (Joy) Ride
• Ready For The Beach: Swimsuits For Every Body Type and Style
• Gabourey Sidibe and Kelly Ripa Stumble Over Afros, Normal Hair, and Being Americanized
• The Sweet Brown Viral Video: Embarrassed? Why You Shouldn’t Be
• NEW MN WEB SERIES: “Ask A Black Man” Episode 3: The SEX Episode
• How Old is Too Old? Mayim Bialik (aka Blossom) Still Breastfeeds her 3-Year-Old Son

Stay tuned for more topics, comment or write us at editors@madamenoire.com if you have suggestions!

All too often we hear terms like ho, Slore and skank used to describe women who have made some (or several) less than admirable sex-related decisions in life. Although most of the bad decisions we make can be chalked up to youth and/or being under the influence, the ghosts of a woman’s past haunt her regardless of maturation with age. Judged by the weight of past sins, it is difficult for a former girl gone wild to regain the respect of men and women.

Yet, in the same breath, we can use synonymous terms to describe a man and he is regarded with the same level of respect. His image remains (for the most part) intact, and his love life suffers no consequence. It is an unfair double standard that allots for the promiscuity of men while imposing saintly standards of sexual morality on women. The modern woman is liberated, embracing her independence and sensuality. There are many single, young women (and middle-aged divorcees) looking for fun over commitment—just like the guys. Should they be punished for exploring their wild sides, momentarily relinquishing inhibitions to satisfy healthy sexual appetites? Some women are naïve and fall victim to shysters with a mouthpiece. Should they be punished for growing pains? When the dust settles, most of us punish ourselves enough for past transgressions.

Bad decisions are learning lessons in preparation for the future. It is inevitable that all of us will stumble from time to time in various areas of life. Whether it is stripping, prostitution, pornography or just a lot of sex, poor decisions today do not determine tomorrow. There is a phrase “you can’t turn a ho into a housewife,” but every day philandering men are given a second, third, fourth, fifth (and the list goes on) chance.  Women deserve the same leeway and empathy, especially from other women. No one is tarnished goods because our pasts don’t dictate the present.

Madames, would you rather be a total working woman or a total housewife?

I say total because in reality, we all know that most women who aren’t single are juggling family and work, that’s just the way of the world. I overheard a conversation the other day where two men were discussing the advantages and disadvantages of being with a woman who had a high-powered, very demanding, time-consuming career versus a woman who had a more relaxed and less demanding career. These guys were having their say, so it made me wonder what the majority of women would choose if we could step out of reality for a few minutes and create the “perfect ” scenario…

In your ideal world, would you prefer to be a career woman who brings home the bacon or a family woman who fries it up in a pan? Or are you at the point in your life where you’ve chosen to be a housewife or stay-at-home mom or career woman?

Tell us!