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Let me premise this story by saying that jump off, casual-sex situations almost never turn into legitimate monogamous relationships.  If I could do an actual statistical study on the subject, I’m sure it would say something like, “Only 25% of the couples surveyed who began their relationship by agreeing to have sex with no strings attached ultimately ended up pursuing a long-term monogamous relationships.”  Even I agree that I got lucky, because I could have easily ended up as another notch on a bedpost with a broken heart.

When I first met my boyfriend in 2004, he was completely honest about the fact that his priorities were money, alcohol and sex and in that order.  Meeting through a mutual friend we weren’t exactly trying to make the best first impression, so I’d often see women parading in and out of the bachelor pad he shared with a roommate and I even got to be a fly in the wall during the conversations that played out after the girls left about their sex game (or lack there of), who had pretty panties and who had grandma britches.  Sorry, ladies but if you don’t know now you know: Men gossip about the opposite sex as much if not more than their female counterparts.  Even with all this top secret info, soon I found myself all seduced by that dreaded swag that at the man who is now my boyfriend possessed and before I knew it I had joined the parade.  Boyfriend was honest about his intentions about only wanting sex, but silly behind me over-analyzed every look, gesture and random compliment.  He may have said, “You’re a cool chick,” but I just knew it really meant, “I want you to be the mother of my children.”  The mind can convince you that the sky is purple if you want to believe it bad enough.

David Blaine has nothing on the female brain.  I ended up convincing myself that I could be happy in a relationship based on sex, when I knew what I wanted was a relationship with this man.  In fact, I think how honest he was about everything made him even more attractive.  He wasn’t lying to spare anyone’s feelings, I didn’t have to go through his phone because all of the girls he was involved with knew exactly what he was about.  In fact he told me something I’ll never forget, “Men only lie when they feel they have something to lose.”  Well, damn I should’ve known then, but even with him being up front about being a jerk, he still had girls doing the most to be down with him…even if it was only for that night.

Even if he was the man of my dreams outside the bedroom, the truth was he didn’t want a relationship at the time, at least not one with me.  Gender-stereotypes just aren’t my thing, but the truth is I’m a typical girl and as much as I may admire the girls who can play like Robin Givens in Boomerang who get their needs met and then roll out in the middle of the night leaving Eddie Murphy with the smack face, it’s hard for me to separate romantic feelings from sex.  That’s not to say I go falling for every guy I’ve ever gotten physical with, but if I like a guy I can’t just get it popping with him one night and then give him advice about the new girl he’s kicking it with the next.

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From YourTango

Our bodies are like thermometers — they tell us the temperature of our relationships. Our body chemistry is constantly speaking to us, informing us, supplying brain data that we process in milliseconds. It is dangerous, however, to let our bodies do our thinking. That’s what our brain is for, and no other part of us can do it better.

For example, the hormone dopamine released during the initial “in-love” phases of a relationship is so powerful,  it actually reproduces the effects of coke in the body. Jitters, the rush of energy, the hyper focus on everything related to this one person … this is what dopamine does.

Read more at YourTango.com.

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You’d like to think you’re pretty rational, right? That you’re in control of your future, isn’t that correct? Well you are, and you aren’t. There’s a reason so much of what feels really good—dating the wrong guy, sleeping with someone—are also things we know we shouldn’t do. Our genes are only concerned with one thing: being perpetuated. That’s where the, “Do it” voice comes into play. But, the fact that you can recognize why something that feels good is in fact not good for you—that is what makes you a logical creature. So don’t worry, you’re not totally a mass of uncontrollable hormones and chemicals. But in order to control them, you have to know about them.

Dear Boob Sweat,

You really are a tricky, little wench aren’t you? For years, I’ve had some good laughs at the women who dared not leave the house with a little powder in their cleavage. I thanked God that I would never be one of them. You weren’t going to catch me out here with an ashy cleavage partly because it looked crazy (read:hood) and also because I really don’t have a cleavage to speak of. Being less endowed in the boob department, the only way I would ever have cleavage would be by pushing my breasts together with my triceps. And who can hold that position for long periods of time? I call the area where my cleavage should be, “the Barren Land.” There’s nothing there but my sternum. So imagine my surprise last week when I found that water, aka perspiration, had come to the barren land. It was you boob sweat! (Cue villain noise here.)

Being that this was our first introduction, I would imagine that you would have made a better first impression. But, (and this is where the story gets gross, clutch your pearls if you must) after I slid my finger down my shirt to wipe you away, I noticed there was a very faint, musty smell that lingered in the air. At first, I couldn’t believe it. Certainly that smell couldn’t have been coming from me. I’d just taken a shower! But a second swipe confirmed my fears. How could this be? How could I have boob sweat when my breasts barely speak to each other? I hit the sink to dab away the sweat and the odor. But as I dabbed, I thought, what does this boob sweat mean for my life? Was I going to become one of the powder ladies I’d made fun of? Would I be able to wear barren-land baring shirts in the summer?

I didn’t come up with a solution until later in the week. I was standing in the bathroom mirror, fresh out the shower. I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out my deodorant/antiperspirant. I applied my customary (and excessive) six swipes to each pit. Just as I was about to recap, I looked down at my antiperspirant and had a brilliant idea, Put some deodorant on the barren land. I literally smiled at my genius. This is just what I needed, the perfect solution. I’d keep you away, boob sweat and since it goes on clear, I’d completely avoid the powder marks. I wore a low cut shirt just to test the theory. And sure enough, when I got to work, there was no sweat and no must. Score!

I’m onto your game boob sweat. I know you thought you could use my mistaken smugness against me, that your sneak attack would get the best of me. I was unprepared and unarmed then. But now that I’m onto your game, I know which weapons to use against your trickery. You may have won the battle; but the war, boob sweat, is all mine.

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How many times have you heard someone say, “If you would stop dating losers/thugs/triflin’ men/bad boys/etc. you wouldn’t have so much trouble in relationships?” Well now you can tell those people it’s not your fault you don’t know how to pick ‘em, it’s your hormones.

That’s the conclusion of a new study from the University of Texas at San Antonio and published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Kristina Durante, one of the researchers, says that during ovulation our hormones confuse us into somehow thinking a man with no potential actually has some.

“Under the hormonal influence of ovulation, women delude themselves into thinking that the s[w]exy bad boys will become devoted partners and better dads. When looking at the s[w]exy cad through ovulation goggles, Mr. Wrong looked exactly like Mr. Right.”

If PMS can also make eating an entire tub of ice cream seem like a good idea during ovulation, I suppose this is possible too. The researchers came to this conclusion by asking female participants to view online dating profiles of either fine or reliable men during periods of both high and low fertility. When asked to predict likely paternal contribution from the prospective partners close to ovulation, the women thought the attractive men would contribute most, meaning they’d be better dads.

To back that up, a second study was conducted where actors played the role of bad boy or reliable dad, and researchers found the same thing. If a woman started out dating a guy she knows is no good, at some point—during ovulation—she’ll be under the impression that he’ll make a good long-term partner. What’s funny is that’s only true when the woman is referring to her own partner.

“When asked about what kind of father the s[w]exy bad boy would make if he were to have children with another woman, women were quick to point out the bad boy’s shortcomings,” Durante said. “But when it came to their own child, ovulating women believed that the charismatic and adventurous cad would be a great father to their kids.”

That I can believe. We all have a tendency to think a man is going to be different for us than he is with any other women, and most times we’re wrong. This finding may not help you figure out why you’re attracted to bad boys the other three weeks out of the month when you’re not ovulating but there is at least one takeaway here: don’t date while you ovulate.

Do you think this study really explains the bad boy attraction?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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