All Articles Tagged "hooking up"
Let me premise this story by saying that jump off, casual-sex situations almost never turn into legitimate monogamous relationships. If I could do an actual statistical study on the subject, I’m sure it would say something like, “Only 25% of the couples surveyed who began their relationship by agreeing to have sex with no strings attached ultimately ended up pursuing a long-term monogamous relationships.” Even I agree that I got lucky, because I could have easily ended up as another notch on a bedpost with a broken heart.
When I first met my boyfriend in 2004, he was completely honest about the fact that his priorities were money, alcohol and sex and in that order. Meeting through a mutual friend we weren’t exactly trying to make the best first impression, so I’d often see women parading in and out of the bachelor pad he shared with a roommate and I even got to be a fly in the wall during the conversations that played out after the girls left about their sex game (or lack there of), who had pretty panties and who had grandma britches. Sorry, ladies but if you don’t know now you know: Men gossip about the opposite sex as much if not more than their female counterparts. Even with all this top secret info, soon I found myself all seduced by that dreaded swag that at the man who is now my boyfriend possessed and before I knew it I had joined the parade. Boyfriend was honest about his intentions about only wanting sex, but silly behind me over-analyzed every look, gesture and random compliment. He may have said, “You’re a cool chick,” but I just knew it really meant, “I want you to be the mother of my children.” The mind can convince you that the sky is purple if you want to believe it bad enough.
David Blaine has nothing on the female brain. I ended up convincing myself that I could be happy in a relationship based on sex, when I knew what I wanted was a relationship with this man. In fact, I think how honest he was about everything made him even more attractive. He wasn’t lying to spare anyone’s feelings, I didn’t have to go through his phone because all of the girls he was involved with knew exactly what he was about. In fact he told me something I’ll never forget, “Men only lie when they feel they have something to lose.” Well, damn I should’ve known then, but even with him being up front about being a jerk, he still had girls doing the most to be down with him…even if it was only for that night.
Even if he was the man of my dreams outside the bedroom, the truth was he didn’t want a relationship at the time, at least not one with me. Gender-stereotypes just aren’t my thing, but the truth is I’m a typical girl and as much as I may admire the girls who can play like Robin Givens in Boomerang who get their needs met and then roll out in the middle of the night leaving Eddie Murphy with the smack face, it’s hard for me to separate romantic feelings from sex. That’s not to say I go falling for every guy I’ve ever gotten physical with, but if I like a guy I can’t just get it popping with him one night and then give him advice about the new girl he’s kicking it with the next.
I remember in the early nineties watching my older sister get ready for date night. The boys would call our house phone and would automatically have to speak to one of our parents or, if they were lucky, me, the little sister. At that time, you couldn’t rely on technology to advance your relationships. There was something special about the romantic essence of 1990s love: dating timelines had more embellishments like a designer dress. Today, romance can be found instantaneously at any coffee shop, lounge, or school hallway. Nineties relationships appeared fun — house parties, late-night jonesing and Guy’s ‘Let’s Chill’ could set the mood at any moment. I could not wait to grow up and experience the same thing, but instead I found myself in the “Hook-Up” generation.
In the CNN article, Young Adults and Hook A Up Culture, Ian Kerner writes, “College is a rite of passage, filled with experiences ranging from parties to all-night cram sessions to that first serious relationship. Yet romance may be getting short shrift these days, replaced instead with quick “hookups” devoid of any real emotion.” That’s the argument of a provocative new book, “The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy,” by Donna Freitas.
The dating culture has changed, but its evolution did not leave emotions behind. What has taken place is nonchalant behavior, which the millennial generation appears to be conflicted by. Freitas argues college students who engage in hooking up — kissing and more in depth sexual activity — usually feel empty and depressed. She gathered her research from “557 male and female students who responded to a question asking how they felt the morning after a hookup, 41% of those expressed sadness, regret and ambivalence.”
There have been numerous claims that the dating culture of millennials pressures young men and women to indulge in unfulfilling hookups, though they may not enjoy it.
Like most young adults, I lived on campus for college and engaged in many nights of the infamous “What Happens Here, Stays Here” motto. But one valuable piece of information Freitas’ research does not cover, were the people surveyed under any type of influence before or during their hookups?
The millennial generation and its surrounding pop culture are known for normalizing the use of narcotics, which does not give room for a focused mind. Also most young people can agree, unlike the generations before them, they would like to learn how to commit to themselves before they can with another person. So, perhaps like college, hooking up is also a rite of passage in the grand scheme of romantic/sexual relationships.
The confusion that is pre-packaged with hookups can be exhilarating, mysterious, exhausting, emotional and downright hot, but I believe the true question to ask is: Should dating culture evolve for the sake of intimacy? And if not, then where do we go from here?
As suave as you and your partner(s) surely are, everybody’s been subject to some mood-ruining moments in the bedroom. Just know that you’re not alone.
So you’ve been getting vibes from this one guy all night, and you’re definitely feeling him. You know you’re not looking for a relationship but at the same time you kind of want to make this guy yours, just for the night. Sometimes hooking up just happens, right? We all get that urge to get some and to have some fun between the sheets, especially when we’re single. Hooking up is supposed to be fun, but most importantly safe, so there are definitely some rules that need to be followed. Here are 14 dos and don’ts when it comes to hooking up with someone.
You may think it’s harmless. You may think he doesn’t notice. You may think if he really likes you, he’ll think it’s cute. Nuh-uh. Even if he loves you for your personality, he doesn’t have sex with your personality. It’s time to get real about getting physical. Here are 14 surprising ways you’re turning your man off.
We’re nearing that time when we’ve figured out if that romantic, under-the-stars, tipsy midnight New Year’s kiss was actually going to go anywhere. For a lucky few, they locked lips with someone they were actually compatible with. But New Years Eve, like many other occasions, caters to a feeling of false intimacy. Or at the very least, makes us really want to hook up with someone we shouldn’t. Here are other times that happens.
Whether it’s their animal instincts kicking in, or something they thought looked fun in Adult Videos, men can do some pretty insensitive things during sex. Sometimes, they mean well and their attempt to spice things up was just misguided, sometimes they really do just view us as a booty call, but either way, these things make us feel like an interchangeable piece of meat.
Next time you’re cursing men, ignoring calls from your mom who will just ask why you’re not out on a date, and brushing off your shoulders while trying to stay positive after another humiliating and/or horrifying experience in the world of dating, just take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. These crappy things happen to just about every single woman at some point. Think we’re lying? Just check this list of stuff all the single ladies go through.
I’m not going to sugar coat this for the single ladies: sex is good for you! Really good for you. It boosts your self image, it sends all sorts of relaxation chemicals through your body, and it’s a nice little reminder that you’re totally desirable. When you haven’t had a play date in the bedroom in a while, your body and brain take a hit! Here are signs you need to get laid and soon.
You think you’re unconventional because you’ve played naughty schoolgirl and own a pair of handcuffs? You’ve got nothing on the bedmates practicing these strange (and strangely popular) sex trends!