All Articles Tagged "healthy relationship"
Females can be so soft, so accommodating, so understanding. It’s our charm, and our curse. We want to be the cushion our man rests his head on after a long day. We want to be the easiest part of his life, his support system and his unrelenting comfort. We want to be these things so much, that sometimes we forget about ourselves and our needs. For fear of being demanding, we can become a doormat. But never forget that, he should be all those wonderful things to you too—supporting, comforting, understanding. If you’re not getting what you need, admit it to yourself. Even if you understand why he can’t give it to you—even if you can come up with a dozen excuses for him, excuses don’t keep you warm at night.
He couldn’t pay for me forever
It’s true—if you link up your lives, it’s just not sustainable for a man to pay for you every single time you get popcorn at the movies or a pack of gum on a road trip. He may even let you foot the bill on meals sometimes. But, paying for someone isn’t about covering somebody who couldn’t cover themselves. It’s about treating someone. And that is a concept that should never leave a relationship. If your man has gotten lazy about treating you, always expecting to just go Dutch on every single bill, even on romantic dinners, or just looking at you to foot the bill, don’t just make the excuse that he can’t pay for you forever. No, he doesn’t have to pay for you forever, or every single time. But, he should still occasionally be treating you.
Tags:are you a doormat, boyfriend, choices, compromise, considerate, dating, doormat, easy, excuse, frustrated, healthy relationship, how to get what you want in a relationship, how to get your needs met, is he meeting your needs, Madame Noire, making excuses for men, selfish, unhealthy relationship, what makes a good boyfriend
It’s that moment. You feel like if you open your mouth the only words that will come out, no matter how hard you try, will be the line you’ve got prepared—maybe it’s passive aggressive, accusatory, begins with a deep sob or a shake of the head. But you’re about to tell him: you’re mad. Even though we get overwhelmed by our emotions sometimes, if we can, we should pause before picking our next fight just to make sure it’s worth it. Or, if it’s even fair. It’s hard to be logical at that moment just before explosion, so if you have some questions ready for yourself, you might have a chance at avoiding a blowup.
Being in love should transform you. It should make you want to be a better person. It should give you new, broader ways of looking at things. It should make you more comfortable in your own skin. But, do you notice that last point? While being unwilling to change at all makes you—honestly—a miserable partner, the changes you make for your partner should never make you feel restricted, like you have to look over your shoulder constantly, or feel less comfortable in your own skin. Don’t ever let a man think he’s “improving” you by making you give up the following things.
Talking to your friends about your relationship
If your man asks you not to discuss your relationship with your girlfriends, there are two issues here: 1) Women bond over discussing their relationships! He’s keeping you from one of the most fun parts of hanging with girlfriends, and 2) WHY is he so worried about your friends hearing about the details of your relationship? The only reason he should care is if he thinks those details will make your girlfriends stop and say, “Hold on. You need to end this relationship! It’s not healthy!” But, if that’s the case, it is so whether your friends point it out or not, and even he knows it.
As humans, we always forget the big picture: life is short. We forget that we don’t have all the time in the world to enjoy ourselves, just as soon as we’re done fixating over this stupid, insignificant thing. But, we should strive to pause as often as we can and ask ourselves, “Is it worth it?” Is getting upset, saying something mean, debating or nit-picking about this particular thing worth it? We’d avoid so much headache (and even breakups!) if we did.
“That’s just how men are.” A sentence that pretty much every woman who fears asking for what she wants, or who doesn’t even know what she deserves, says to excuse her boyfriend’s inexcusable acts. But it’s never just how “men” are—it’s how that woman’s man is. Don’t ever believe that all men are like this, and that your only option is to deal with it.
“She needs to be hot. She needs to be hot and nice. She needs to be hot and nice and smart. Maybe it’s a little more complicated than that…” In a nutshell, there is the progression of a man’s thoughts on what a girlfriend must be from the moment he starts to like girls in his teens to, well, a little bit later. But, essentially, as men move from one woman to the next, they tend to keep an eye out that the next one will be better than the previous in the following ways.
If you’re used to toxic, passionate, roller coaster relationships, and then you stumble into a good relationship, you might ask about the following dynamics, “Is this normal?”
Here are a few signs to confirm your love is really genuine …
We’re taught to be “mature” about love, to not get “in over our heads” and so on and so forth. But all that conditioning to feel just a little less, has taught some women to believe they don’t need to look for passion anymore, but just something that works. And that’s a shame, because you can definitely have both. Here’s how you know if your love is true love, or just a relationship based around convenience.
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” This is someone we wonder when a man reveals his little hidden secrets—which happen to be his big flaws—once we’re already in love with him. This is often the case with jealous men. They keep their jealousy under wraps until they know you’re too attached to them to leave them so easily. So, better to learn to recognize the jealous types before you’re attached and can’t run away fast enough from the crazy.
I’ve been in some bad relationships—some I would even call toxic. And then I’ve been in some fully functioning, happy and healthy ones. And the major differences I saw between the two were these: