All Articles Tagged "healing"
I just spent several days walking, dancing, playing and dining in a world of generous succulence. In this world, I had several opportunities to talk with women about sexuality and their relationship with men.It seems that so many of us want the attention of men, yet greet their attention with anger or fear. We want masculine attention, dress for it, flip our hair on the street for it, but when we get a response — we often respond with fear or anger. Our eyes often don’t greet the smile of masculine appreciation with warmth — often we return it with a “how dare you notice!”
Sometimes we just look away and pretend that we didn’t notice. Some of us may snort and think “pigs” to ourselves. And honestly, it is not necessary to do anything with anyone’s response to our sexuality. But what if …
What if we instead chose to allow the compliments that come to us in an appreciative smile or wink on the street from a masculine energy that admires us as we pass? What if we returned the smile? What if you could feel that the warm attention of men as you walked down the street in your sexual power was simply their acknowledging your feminine power?
Read more at YourTango.com
Once the air was cleared between Oprah and her former protegee Iyanla Vanzant, the opportunities started rolling in. We’ve known for some time that Vanzant was going to get a new show on OWN but now, with the recent release of the show’s promo we can learn what to expect. Judging by the promo and Iyanla’s track record, we know this should be pretty good. Check out the promo below.
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Tami Roman is no stranger to controversy. She has become most known for her spunky, outspoken attitude and multiple altercations on Basketball Wives after she joined the cast during Season 2. But there’s way more to the single mother of two than you’d ever imagine.
On last week’s episode of Basketball Wives, viewers were shocked to learn that Tami had been the victim of sexual assault twice, as well as held up at gunpoint and physically abused which has become the source of her built up anger over the years. In a counseling session that she attended on the show to get to the root of her anger, she revealed:
How did your family react to your decision to share something so personal with the world?
Ultimately they’re very supportive. They want me to heal. We try to talk about anything and love on each other as much as possible. They were a little apprehensive because they didn’t know how people would receive that information coming from me. People see me all the time and think I’m the same way, so I thought that maybe if they understand why I’m this way, they can take this journey with me.
Having now watched the episode, how do you feel about your decision?
Vh1 treated it fairly and with respect. It was a four-hour therapy session. People have been very responsive and supportive. What I wanted to do was accomplished. I wanted to let others out there know, “You’re not the only one.” I want to use my life as a testimony. I’ve been homeless, on food stamps, I’ve always been very open. I’ve dealt with Bulemia, weight issues…I’ve been through a lot and this is just one more thing.
Click here to read the rest of Tami’s interview and watch a clip of her therapy session.
These days we are flooded with the latest and greatest diet trick, weight-loss measure or life-changing vitamin. Let’s get real; most of us don’t have the time or money to indulge in every new fad. How about we take a look at an easy way we can take care of our health today and everyday from here on out. Water. Check out these eight ways that water proves to be not only important for your health, but also necessary for weight loss and overall well-being.
Has you relationship been battered by infidelity? If you want to work toward saving your marriage or relationship there is hope. Both of you will have to put in much time and work but healing from this breach of trust is more than possible.
Your Tango has some tips on dealing with this problem.
Check them out over at YourTango.com.
The internet is a funny thing and Twitter is a funny place. I find myself on there getting all sorts of information, as do many Black folks given that the Pew center says that 26% of Twitter users identify as African-American. At best, it is a fast paced way to share information and at worst a fast paced way to spread pain. One Friday night, comedian Lil Duval decided to get a subject going called “it aint rape.” He started out with “It ain’t rape if you order from the entrée side of the menu.” Essentially, it was a fill-in-the-blank festival that, for some, led to laughs and that, for many others, led to pain. Lil Duval’s tweeting falls squarely during Sexual Assault Awareness Month, demonstrating that too many in our community take sexual assault as a joke.
Lil Duval’s quickly took a step back and said, “Rape ain’t funny but women putting theyselves [sic] in [expletive] up positions is.” By saying rape doesn’t exist and that rape is based on poor decisions, Duval joined a line of Black comedians who have found humor and sadly greater acceptance in our community.
The first time I ever heard my mother disagreeing with my father in front of me was when my father was arguing that Chris Rock was hilarious. My mother stopped, stared at him and said, “I do not think Chris Rock is funny. Rape is not funny.” My mother continued to express her pain and frustration while my father remained oblivious to her hurt. Chris Rock had gone on Arsenio Hall and told a “date rape” joke which polarized the audience, causing Hall to apologize the next day. Later Rock admitted telling the joke helped, not hurt his career. We, as a community, are in a strange place when our community embraces someone more for joking about heinous crimes than when we repudiate the joke and seek healing for the survivors.
The reality is that sexual violence is one of those issues that ends up being so wrapped up in our families and communities that dealing with it necessitates an investment in others lives that many of us have grown accustomed to not having. Off the stage, when issues of rape come up in our community, I often hear, “we don’t know all the facts”, “I wasn’t there, so I don’t know,” or the most dangerous of them all, “well what if she wasn’t a victim.” Despite this disavowal of ability to judge, we are able to maintain a level of comedic commentary. That’s part of the problem. It’s easier to laugh at something than to deal with it. The lengths we go to laugh at and justify sexual assault, particularly violence again women, is painful, disheartening, and does a disservice to providing the space for our community to heal.
There are many things about sexual assault that are not easy to joke about. Among those who report it, we know that one in four Black women have suffered from sexual assault and one in six Black men have. We know the bulk of cases actually reported are of people under 18, our children, and sadly, Dr. Gail Wyatt’s research has shown us that nearly 50 percent of Black women living with HIV were sexually assaulted as children. There is nothing funny about that. From childhood to adulthood, there is a continuum of hurt that we continue to turn a blind eye to, except when it’s comedy time.
While many of us dog pile onto jokes about rape, incest, and other abuse, we’re likely ignoring our loved ones who are dealing with the scars right next to us. However, comedy is not the only culprit in silencing sexual assault. When “Precious” debuted there were many conversations about race, body image, and representations of Blackness, but too few commentaries that seriously dealt with the role of sexual assault in our community. Are we alone in having sexual assault in our community? No. But do we have a special responsibility to engaging this malady for the health of us all? Yes!
While those suffering from sexual assault should seek the help of a professional, we non-professionals can help by creating an environment ripe for healing. While there is the old saying “laughter is the best medicine” unfortunately when I look around, I see we use our laughter to silence the pain of sexual assault and miss out on the medicine.
Visit the anti-sexual assault organization Rainn.org for more information.
R. L’Heureux Lewis is an Assistant Professor of Sociology and Black Studies at the City College of New York – CUNY. His research concentrates on issues of educational inequality, the role of race in contemporary society, and mental health well-being.