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You know that scene from Why Did I Get Married when Sheila learns that her husband had been carrying on an affair with her “good” friend Trina? Remember the sheer hurt and dismay painted across her face when she came to the realization that this wasn’t some sick prank and all of the signs began to come back to her like the pieces to a puzzle forming a crystal clear picture of the ultimate betrayal? *sigh* This example may be a little extreme of betrayal by a friend, but you get the point.

It seems as if it is an everyday occurrence that I hear women share stories of being betrayed by people they’ve trusted, more often than not, girlfriends they trusted. I can’t exclude myself from this observation, I too have been screwed over by a frenemy or two in my day. What I find interesting about this however is how we even allow ourselves to be done over by these enemies disguised as friends in the first place. So many of us pride ourselves on being pretty keen when it comes to women’s intuition. With that in mind, is it really that we are oblivious to the signs that would indicate we are dealing with a frenemy or is it that we simply choose not to acknowledge them?

I can only speak for myself when saying this, but anytime I’ve ever been betrayed by a friend, I could never say that the signs weren’t there. I could never say that the betrayal came way out of left field. There was at one point or another that little voice within telling me that I couldn’t trust this person, small acts that showed blatant disregard and disrespect. For that reason I never really had the right to sit there with that shocked and confused face that Shelia had when she found out Trina had been getting it on with her husband, because I would be pretending.

Why I even gave these women the opportunity to betray me by keeping them around after they subtly displayed signs that they were untrustworthy still baffles me. However, after hearing countless stories of women who have been double-crossed and each story seems to always begin with “Something told me not to trust her,” I can conclude that I am not alone in this. There are many of us who have ignored blatant frenemy tendencies. But, why? Why do we continue to keep people around when we know they don’t mean us any good? Why allow them to hang around long enough to betray us? I can’t speak for every woman in the world, but I can say that my frenemy hang-up can be attributed to the fact the I second guess myself, often. I’d witness subtle shade being thrown and suspect behavior being demonstrated yet question my own perception and grasp on reality.

Did that just happen?

Am I reading too much into this?

Am I being too sensitive?

There’s a little hater inside all of us, some much more so than others. Maybe you feel bad about it but despite your best intentions, the jealousy, envy and displeasure you have for others oozes out into the open.

Truth be told, it’s better to let it out in the open than let it fester in your heart and mind. But the last thing you want to do is make a spectacle of how much you’re hatin’ on someone, so here’s a few ways to dispense your frivolous displeasure for that she-creep at work or the jerk-in-law types, while keeping it moving, and most importantly–civil.

It’s pretty clear that hate is one of planet Earth’s most abundant resources. Everyone seems to have it, yet no one really wants it. If only we could bottle and export it on the intergalactic market. But since that ain’t going to happen anytime soon, we mind as well enjoy the haterade pouring from our favorite scapegoats: celebrities.

No one is immune to hate, but with their every move quickly becoming a trending topic on twitter and getting more media hype than a black president, celebrities, for all their status, wealth and success, end up looking pettier than your average person.

And my, do they take themselves seriously. I suppose we’re all partly to blame for projecting our preconceived notions of grandeur onto someone just because they can act, dance or sing, but c’mon–celebrities can’t get high off their own supply either.

Let’s face it, most of these people are good at one or two things, like everyone else. So expecting them to also speak eloquently, have great insight or be the bigger person is asking a lot. As this next list of favorite celebrity haters show, it’s a lot more fun when they’re not.

Lil’ Kim

No one blames Lil Kim for hating on Nicki Minaj for replacing her as the hip hop game’s go to female act. Especially not after the Young Money upstart scoffed at Kim’s notion that Minaj should pay homage and give thanks to the Queen B for paving the way for her raunchy antics. If I was Kim, I would’ve hated on Nicki Minaj too!

By Charing Ball

One of my favorite pastimes is to catch up on some online reading during my lunch break.  My drug of choice is blogs, which usually have a political or cultural slant to them.  Anyway, after reading some pretty thoughtful and objective analysis on the issue of the day, I usually scroll down to the comments expecting to see an even more thoughtful discourse, but without fail, and usually within the first three comments, someone has left the death knell for further discussion: “hater.”

Every few years, there comes a word or catchphrase that rages through the pop culture lexicon with all the fervor of a category 5 hurricane.  Hater is that word.  From politicians, to celebrities, to your average Facebook updater, just about everyone is using this word and claiming to have them.  But what’s a hater?  Well, it’s supposed to describe a person who deliberately works against your progress.  However the term, which originated in the hip-hop community, has morphed so that it now covers just about anyone who happens to get on your nerves at the moment.

If a person doesn’t have your taste in music, movies or appreciates your ability to take several hundred pictures of your butt and then post them on Facebook then there must be some irrational, pathological hatred behind it.  The whole phenomenon copies that of a kindergarten class dance recital, where everyone is supposed to clap and sing praises for every child, even the  little knocked-kneed girl who almost twirled herself off the stage.

Are there people in the world who will place roadblocks on your path to success?   Yes, it is called the government.   Beyond that, if we are honest, there are very few who stand in our way. Yet hater continues to be grossly overused, so much so that it’s lost all context.   Calling someone a hater is the modern-day equivalent of telling someone, “Ya mom.”  Both are funny punchlines but are often said to cover up the responder’s lack of wit, knowledge and/or depth of understanding the original accusation.  For those who don’t quite get it, let me present you with a couple of examples:

Haters are the sleaze ball music producers, who promise to make you the next Beyonce and record your demo – for a fee- but end up disappearing with all of your money.  However, if a producer refuses to take your money after listening to you screech your way through an off-pitch version of Whitney Houston’s I will Always Love You, he’s not a hater, but rather someone who thinks you’re tone-deaf and should probably have a doctor check your hearing.

If you are a Republican willing to jeopardize the first nation of the free world by blocking efforts to raise the debt limit (as was done quite a few times during the Reagan administration) because it might give you political gain in the next election, you are a hater.  If the only reason why you are “famous” is because your mother ran for vice-president several years ago and won’t go away, then you don’t have haters, you have people who are wondering why you are still relevant.