All Articles Tagged "happy"
I have an affinity for feel good stories. And for that reason I find that even in my 26th year, I still really dig children’s movies. So the other day, my sister and I watched Despicable Me 2. And in addition to the awesome story it told, the movie was made that much better because it featured music from the genius that is Pharrell Williams. The music was so good I had to purchase a couple of songs. And one of those songs was “Happy.” As the name would imply, the song has an infectious feel-good vibe. It’s soulful. If you can listen to it and be still, you might want to check your pulse because I tell you, the song grooves.
So I was excited to see that Pharrell had released a video for the song. And not just any video, loves. Pharrell has released the world’s first 24 hour video. And if you think this is some type of farce, you can spend the next day watching it here, on a website called “24 Hours of Happy.” It’s beautiful and no matter where you tune in, it’s bound to make you feel better than you did when you first started watching it.
There are several beautiful moments including a few with faces you might recognize like Jamie Foxx, Magic Johnson, Steve Carrell (who voices the lead character in Despicable Me and Despicable Me 2), Magic Johnson and I spied with my little eye choreographer Fatima. I’m sure there are plenty more but people haven’t had a chance to watch the whole thing obviously. And that’s the point, if you don’t start it in the same exact place, every time you watch it, it’s a different video. Dig that.
Just to give you a little taste of what I’m talking about I’m embedding a precious moment where Pharrell dances in a bowling alley with this little firecracker– it starts right at the 3:00 hr mark. Take a look and be sure to watch more of this innovative video here.
“How did you break free?”
Today, we’ll focus on three lessons that prepared me to do my work. I pray that you find something here to help you, or that you can share with others… but please seek medical help in your recovery:
1. I Learned Good Grief: At the age of 17, a well-meaning teacher questioned some of the changes in me. Tears overflowed as I tried expressing myself. She responded, “God is not moved by tears, He is moved by faith.” While her intent was to help, she only made it worse. All I heard was, “You’re failing God.”
2. I Let Others in My Process: I stopped denying my need for people. Depression led me to cut loved ones off for various reasons. I discovered that some people were uncomfortable with the fact that they could not “fix” me. So, I figured I’d save them the trouble and emotionally retreated.
3. I Explored My Gifts: Depression drained me and I stopped doing the things I loved. But one day out of sheer desperation, I started writing. What did I have to lose? In my writing, I found a sliver of myself again. Over time, the consistent act of doing what I loved helped me progress. Each taste of joy—no matter how faint—gave me reason to hold on and hope.
Please take some time to read the rest of Coach Felicia’s post on ESSENCE.com. Depression and other mental illnesses are very serious and it is important that we remain very aware of what’s going with our mental health.
Seriously, I’m Happy For You: Why You Should Celebrate Your Ex’s New Relationship Even If You’re Still Single
So your relationship has ended, and you are preparing to start another chapter in your dating life. You are ready to mix and mingle, or take some time for yourself away from the dating scene; either way, you are ready to begin anew with this aspect of your life as a new single person. But then you hear through the grapevine that your ex has moved on and he (or she) is happier than ever…but you’re still single! What do you do when your former mate has moved on and you haven’t? How does this make you feel? Are you upset, genuinely happy for them, or do you not care one way or the other? When you find out that your former mate has moved on, it is best to celebrate his/her new relationship, even if you are still single. I know what you’re thinking: Why should I do this? You should be happy that your ex has moved on and you’re still single for several reasons. One reason being that your former mate served a purpose in your life for your growth and theirs. Once the relationship has ended, you should have learned life lessons from that relationship that you can pass on to someone else, and that you can take with you for your next relationship. Many times, when a relationship has ended, we are often so engulfed in the relationship ending that we don’t take the time to reflect on how it made us better people when we should. Be happy that your former mate came into your life, and be happy that they are gone from it as well. You’ve lived and learned. Another reason to celebrate your ex’s new relationship is the fact that you helped make him/her a better person for their current and possibly future mates.
I know this may feel like a slight slap in the face as you recall all of the hard work you put into someone, or the time you spent doing things for them; but the reality of the situation is that you chose to do what you wanted with and for this person, and believe it or not, it had some impact on them that will remain with them for the rest of their lives. So celebrate the fact that you helped make someone a better person for themselves and for someone else. The next reason you should be happy for your ex and their new relationship is because when you open your heart and spirit to let happiness out, that same happiness returns to you. And while you may be hurt and feeling vulnerable because you are still single, take a moment to find happiness within yourself in knowing that this relationship ended for a reason that will benefit you in the long run.
Not only should you be happy for your ex and their new relationship, but you should also be happy for their new mate. Why should you be happy for their new mate? Because you know they have a chance to contribute to making your ex a better person, and they have a chance to experience the things you once did with your former mate. I know that this is may be yet another slight slap in the face (especially depending on the way the relationship ended), but being happy for their new love interest shows that you are over them and their new mate will be happiest with them. Now if you are not quite over a past love, I suggest you take some time for yourself and reflect on the relationship, your past mate, and why you are still holding on. Be honest with yourself because the feelings you are holding on to can hinder your personal happiness…and nothing or no one, is worth your personal happiness. Celebrating your ex’s new relationship while you’re still single is not any easy thing to do, but it is something that can and should be done. People enter your life for a reason, and as just as soon as they enter your life, some of these people will leave as well. Relish in the lessons learned and be thankful that you met your past love for they made you a better person, and you made them a better person as well. And even if you can’t celebrate their new relationship, celebrate your life and the new possibilities of being a single individual.
Have you celebrated an ex’s new relationship and been happy for them while you were single? Was it hard for you to do?
Liz Lampkin the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
It’s about time we see this man’s eyes light up just a little bit.
On Saturday night, Kanye West and his friends hit up Miss Lily’s Caribbean restaurant to celebrate the rapper’s 36th birthday. Jay-Z and Beyoncé. whom he considers family, came out to celebrate along with rapper Nas, football player Victor Cruz and others all came out to party.
While Kim Kardashian was unable to attend (at this point, she probably can’t fly since she’s so close to birth), her sister Kourtney’s boy Scott and Kim’s friend Jonathon were definitely in attendance. Kim also posted a picture on her Instagram wishing the “love of her life and best friend” a happy birthday.
It was good to see Kanye smile in a couple of pictures because don’t get to see that side of him often. In fact, he really only does it at this point when Jay-Z is around. Bless his little heart at all that “bestie” love.
Ladies, can we talk about the most important thing: Nas is looking like a sweet treat waiting to be…nevermind. I’m keeping it clean today but I’m sure you all know where my thoughts were going with that. Why does he continue to be so fine? He should talk to me about how he preserves all that, you know, over drinks and dinner.
With a baby and a new album on the way, it looks like Mr. West will be busier than ever this year! Happy belated, Yeezy!
He Might Be A Good Man, But He’s Not The Man For You: Why If A Relationship Doesn’t Fit, Don’t Force It!
“Girl, he’s a good man….you better stick with him.”
“He’s a great catch…”
“He’s going to make a great husband…”
“Girl you better do what you can to keep him!”
How many of us have heard one of, if not all of the quotes listed from friends and family? How many of us have forced ourselves to stay in a relationship where we weren’t happy because someone else thought the man we were involved with was a great catch? Or how often have we convinced ourselves to stay in a relationship we weren’t so happy in because the man we were involved with was indeed a good man, but he wasn’t the good man that we should have been with? I recall several of the relationships I remained in being with men that were indeed good guys, but I wasn’t happy in those relationships.
I wasn’t happy because I often felt that there was something missing within the relationship, but I stayed because at that time in my life, I didn’t want to be single, and I didn’t want to let go of a good man. At that particular time in life I didn’t see the value in being a single woman. I didn’t view my single life as the blessing that it is, but rather saw it as a burden that I would have to bear. Now that I think about it, I sacrificed my personal happiness for personified happiness; and was it worth it? Not at all. Oftentimes we as women force ourselves to remain in relationships with men because we fear being alone, we think that we won’t find anyone as good, or we think that there is a shortage of good men to have happy, healthy and productive relationships with, when the fact is that none of these things are true.
There are so many great men in the world to have relationships with, but we have the tendency to hold on to one we think is good for us, and our fears won’t allow us to see that. Forcing ourselves to remain in relationships that don’t make us happy only limits who we are, it puts a hold on the relationships we deserve and it stifles our internal happiness and it is not worth it! Why isn’t it worth it? Because happiness is something that should be valued and every woman deserves to be happy in or out of a relationship. Over the years I learned that just because someone else thinks a man is a good man, it does not mean that he is the good man made for me. I often listened to my friends and family when it came to men and dating, and they would encourage me to date a guy they felt had great husband qualities and whom they thought would be a great match for me, or to stay in a relationship they thought was good from face value. I even remember a few of them saying ‘don’t mess this one up!’ While their intentions were good, I should have listened more to my instincts in regard to what made me happy in a relationship, rather than forcing myself to stay in a relationship that made everyone else happy. Now that I think about it, I didn’t really know what made me happy because I was so focused on having a relationship rather than enjoying my single life. Having a relationship is something that everyone desires, but being happy is something that everyone deserves and that should not be sacrificed. Ladies, if a relationship you’re involved in does not enlighten you mentally, uplift you spiritually, and balance you emotionally then walk away from it because it does not fit you, so don’t force it. How many relationships have you forced yourself to stay in? Did they really make you happy?
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
Dear Single Sistas,
I am writing this letter to all of my Single Sistas who rung in the New Year as a single mother, divorcee, widow, or a simply fabulous unattached single woman. I am writing this letter to continue to encourage you on this journey of greatness we call the single life. This letter is not the “new year, new you” speech that we often hear at the beginning of a New Year that’s supposed to motivate us to change things in our lives, but this letter is designed to encourage you to embrace or continue embracing the single life, and not to spend a majority of this year seeking a man and relationship. I encourage you to continue to embrace being single because it is a fabulous journey and way of life that we often take for granted. How do we often take this time for granted? By spending a majority of the time looking for a man and a relationship of course. What we as single women often fail to realize is that our time as single women is not purposed for us to spend most of it looking for a relationship. It has a distinct purpose for our lives and the lives of those who surround us.
This time spent being single is one of the most valuable times in our adult lives. Why? Because this is the time where we can get to know who we are, and who we were created to be. This is the time where we build and establish our self-worth and discover what makes us happy without compromise. Now don’t get me wrong, being involved in a loving relationship is a wonderful thing that everyone should experience, but relationships don’t necessarily make you happy. True happiness comes from within from an individual knowing their self-worth, and what better time in life is there to spend with yourself other than your time of singleness?
Single Sistas, I encourage you to spend this year in focus of a fabulous season of singleness, and not allow your focus to be solely on having a relationship. I know this is not an easy thing to do, especially after some friends and family members got engaged or married over the past holiday season…and of course with the most romantic day of the year right around the corner. I know it’s not easy seeing couples together on date night, and you are out with your girls on yet another girl’s night, and I know how deep the desire for a relationship can go. I know it’s hard, but I encourage you to look into this time of your life and embrace the beauty that it is because being single is something that should be celebrated, not overlooked and upset over.
Just think about it, when you’re married, you’ll have the rest of your life to be focused on someone else, until death do you part (hopefully), so take this time in your life to live it up and learn about yourself, because once you’re in a relationship things will change…hopefully in a positive way though. As I close this letter I say to all of my Single Sistas, spend this time in your life focusing on your purpose, and wait patiently for the mate that is on his way. How patient should you be and how long should you wait? Until the one you deserve finds you in his season of singleness. Remember ladies, it’s not your job to seek, but it is your job to be sought after, and how do you position yourself to be found? Get busy focusing, moving and living in your purpose as a single woman. Wait on the relationship you deserve, and embrace this wonderful journey. You are worth the wait, and so is the man waiting for you. Celebrate this New Year by celebrating you and all that you are!
Sincerely Your Single Sista,
LizLiz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
Relationships are designed for two people to get to know each other, to add value to each other’s lives, to fulfill a distinct purpose, and to bring an equal amount of happiness to each other. Many times, when women are in a relationship, they have the tendency to act and do things differently. For instance, when a woman is in a fresh relationship, she tends to clean her home more (some women, not all), she buys more lingerie, she makes home cooked meals or at least tries to, so on and so on. Not only does a woman’s habits change, but her attitude changes. She seems happier and friendlier, and there is a certain glow about her that wasn’t there before her newfound relationship. Why is that? Why is it that so many women are the best person they are, or only their happiest, when they are in a relationship? Why is it that some women can only be happy when they have a man in their lives?
There are many opinions and answers to these questions, but the one reason many women are only happy when they are in a relationship is because they are not happy with who they are and they believe they can only be happy and complete when they are with a man. And the reason many women are not happy with who they are is because they don’t know who they are as an individual, and they have not found their purpose. Another reason women are only happy when they are in a relationship is because they are looking at other relationships from face value; meaning they are looking at the happy pictures and the happy couples who are out enjoying each other, and not looking into the relationship and the work that goes into it. What many women often fail to realize is that a happy man as an individual wants to be with a woman who is happy before he comes into her life so she can add a unique sense of happiness to his own life. There are a number of women who believe they can only experience a true sense of happiness when they are in a relationship and this is just not true.
Why isn’t this true? Because happiness and joy come from within and that happiness and joy is discovered when it is searched for and fulfilled by an individual who is seeking it within who they are and were created to be. Now don’t get me wrong, relationships are great, and they do and should bring about a new sense of happiness for both people; but the truth of the matter is that a relationship is not the end all, be all of happiness. They take work from two whole and happy individuals who know their worth and know what makes them happy before they commit to each other. If one person in a relationship depends solely on the other person for happiness, then that can add pressure to the other person in the relationship and in turn can make them unhappy. I’ve witnessed a number of women who were happy being who they were, only to change into a different woman when they were in a relationship to make the men they were with happy so they would stay with them.
This was absolutely unbelievable because I always thought that these women were strong-willed and happy with who they were and being single…that is until a man came around. I couldn’t understand why they changed several things about them for the sake of saving a relationship that may or may not end in marriage. And then I figured it out. They changed to please the men they were with because they feared being alone, and rather than standing firm on who they were and loving themselves, they changed in an instant. Unfortunately, many unmarried women live with the fear of being alone for the remainder of their lives. They fear they will never experience true love, or have children, or get married; but what I wish a lot of unmarried women would realize is that there is nothing wrong with being single!
Being single has its advantages and disadvantages, just the same as being married or being involved in a committed relationship does. Both aspects have their ups and downs, but at least when you’re single you can be who you are and spend more time learning who you are before you jump into a relationship and turn into someone else, to please someone else. As I stated previously, relationships are great, and they do and should bring new happiness into one’s life…but at what cost?
How many of you have ever compromised yourself for a relationship? Do you find your happiness in a man and a man only? Are you happiest when you’re in or out of a relationship?
Liz Lampkin is the author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
Some lessons don’t come to you immediately—some come to you as a memory or a sudden understanding of an event from your past. Often, as you progress toward better relationships, things become clear to you about a relationship that took place five years ago! So, while not all of these things happened to me firsthand this year (I don’t get around the block that much!), some event or person came into my life in 2012 that shed light on events from my past, and finally showed me the lesson from experiences which until recently were just meaningless pain. Maybe as you go into the new year, you too can turn some of your painful memories into helpful lessons.
I’m sure you’ve read just about enough articles on why black women are single and never will get married to make you want to shut off your computer and stop your magazine subscriptions. There’s enough random statistics and surveys out there about our lives and personal business, and a majority of the time, it comes from non-black women. If you’re gullible enough, you’ll probably take all of these stories and more to heart and start panicking, but if you’re not, you’re probably just tired of it all. That’s probably why we decided to come up with this list of misconceptions about all black women when it comes to dating and why we’re single that need to be rid of. Feel free to add more way down below and let people know they need to stop worrying about you and yours.
We’re trying to get hooked up with any and everybody
Thanks, but no thanks. Whether it’s through your friends who mean well or a parent who is worried about the lack of grandbabies running around their home, some people assume that you’ll be a perfect match with the first guy they find who has a decent smile, decent style and decent credit. However, they totally ignore all the glaring signs that this fella is not your type. If folks run across a man they know you’ll have so much in common with, cool. But the whole idea that we’re so desperate nowadays to take and deal with anything isn’t cool. We’re not all out in these streets wishing and praying and hoping for the first man with a pulse who smiles in our direction.
I know what you’re thinking right now. “Of course, I’m ready for a relationship. It’s what I’ve been waiting so long for! I just need to know how I can get one started!”
Well, I’m certainly not arguing that you want a real relationship. I’m asking if you’re ready for a real relationship. That one’s tough to answer, because it entails really looking at yourself and your beliefs, attitudes and behaviors in a real, open, and honest way. And that’s never easy.
One thing I can tell you is that I’ve been there. I’ve been in that spot where all I could think about was how I so wanted a real relationship, with all of the affection, understanding, support and love that comes with it. And that’s when I asked myself this very same question and I realized that I didn’t like the answer. I had some major changing to do. So how do you know if you’re ready for a relationship before you start one with either the wrong guy or Mr. Right at the wrong time?
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