Being in love should transform you. It should make you want to be a better person. It should give you new, broader ways of looking at things. It should make you more comfortable in your own skin. But, do you notice that last point? While being unwilling to change at all makes you—honestly—a miserable partner, the changes you make for your partner should never make you feel restricted, like you have to look over your shoulder constantly, or feel less comfortable in your own skin. Don’t ever let a man think he’s “improving” you by making you give up the following things.

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Talking to your friends about your relationship

If your man asks you not to discuss your relationship with your girlfriends, there are two issues here: 1) Women bond over discussing their relationships! He’s keeping you from one of the most fun parts of hanging with girlfriends, and 2) WHY is he so worried about your friends hearing about the details of your relationship? The only reason he should care is if he thinks those details will make your girlfriends stop and say, “Hold on. You need to end this relationship! It’s not healthy!” But, if that’s the case, it is so whether your friends point it out or not, and even he knows it.

Sure, there are a**holes out there. There are some true con artists. They’re amazing listeners. They figure you out. They stare at you like they’re looking into your soul. They know what you want to hear. They even know what to do and say to seem like a saint . And then they screw you. And screw you over. In some instances, it’s really not your fault. But to tell you the truth—most of the time it is. You have to remember that you’re the one choosing the men you date. You’re the one opting to go on date number 2, 3, etc. And you’re the only one who can determine what men will and will not be drawn to you. Honestly, you’re the reason your heart is being broken. But you can change that: