By Guest Blogger, Tamara Smith

As many women may know (well, maybe not enough of us know), there can be a thin line between expressing concern and nagging. Many of us feel like we are simply communicating our feelings, while our significant other might very much disagree.  Looking back over the years at my unsuccessful relationships, I have come to the conclusion that although I’m a successful, independent black woman, I can also add successful nagger to the list of things I’ve become. For every hint of unpleasantness in my relationships, I felt like it was my duty to voice my opinion nonstop (nag) and find possible solutions to my unhappiness whether I was ready to be heard or not (nag some more). Since then, I’ve learned a few things about the right and wrong ways to get your man to listen to you, how to keep myself from needing to nag, and pretty much how to become a better communicator in my relationships. I thought I would share them with you now that I’ve come so far in my recovery. *smile* And this can pertain to men too, just take the female part out and flip it around, because we know you love to nitpick at your significant other as well…

It’s best not to find fault in everything

Naggers are almost never happy. When things seem to be going too smoothly, “The Nagger” seeks something to complain about–gym bag on the floor, a dish not washed, a phone call, etc. Please allow me to convince you to calm your nerves and relax. Relationships are breeding grounds for drama, but when the coast is clear, just enjoy each other. So what he showed up for your date 10 minutes late wearing the green shirt he knows you can’t stand?  You can’t always get what you want in this life, so it’s best in your relationship to learn the right and wrong things to let go.

Wait before you nag …

Sometimes when you think you’re hungry and it’s time for a little snack, if you’d just wait 10-15 minutes, you sometimes find out that you weren’t that hungry after all. The same concept can be applied to the hunger to nag. If you walk away from your anger to collect your thoughts, you might not feel the need to nag anymore. If you just walk away from a potential conflict, ponder over whether it’s that necessary to bring up, or even wait until the next day to assess how you feel about something he may or may not have done, you might end up being surprised at how much you don’t really care about it after all.

SILENCE is the best form of nagging

I’ve realized the moment you stop talking, your words become louder. With that being said, you don’t have to go on and on forever, following him around the house and standing in front of the TV with your nagging. Just make a clear point in a calm manner and simply just stop talking. However, you may continue to be completely annoyed or aggravated by his behavior, but it’s best not to keep bringing it up. Men can’t stand when their woman is upset (unless they’re cold-hearted) and usually will give into your request. However, when your request is paired with nagging, your feelings can go in one ear and out the other. Nagging is an easy way for a man to ignore you, but when you make your point clear and let him know how he’s made you feel without all the extra stuff, he’s more likely to pay attention.

Nobody enjoys nagging

There is nothing alluring about being unhappy in a relationship. Contrary to popular male belief, a woman doesn’t enjoy nagging, but your man clearly has a hand in why you nag so much. It’s a subconscious thing our mouth does when our heart realizes that our man isn’t satisfying our needs, or for the control freak, when he’s not doing exactly what we want. So while your nagging is aggravating him, you’re aggravated by always feeling the need to remind him to help out, show up and take your feelings into consideration. Well, you know what they say about nagging: it takes two to tango (okay, well maybe no one says that, but it’s true).

Maybe you should stop nagging and consider moving on…

If you find yourself constantly bringing up issues to your partner who always fails to respond or change for the better, it may be time to review your relationship in general. Do you really want a partner who doesn’t want to communicate and doesn’t take your concerns seriously? After being in various courtships, I’ve realized that when the nagging starts, the value of the relationship has diminished. While repeating yourself may be fun for some, I’d prefer to communicate my feelings one, maybe two times and be able to get tangible feedback from my significant other. If you’re always nagging and he’s always ignoring your thoughts and opinions, maybe he’s not so significant after all.

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