All Articles Tagged "grief"
Wise men say that to everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under the sun. There is a time to live and a time to die. Not to be morbid at all, but we all know that as surely as we live today, we will not live forever. While we probably all have Peter Pan moments and wish that we could hold onto youth and live in perpetuity, that just simply ain’t gonna happen. Death is inevitable and is a natural part of life—granted, it is rarely a comfortable thing to think about our own mortality and that of the people we love. Seeing someone you’ve cared deeply about pass from life to death is just plain ole hard. Grief is real people! I have gone to more funerals than I care to recall, and I have been sorely stricken with overpowering grief on more occasions than I could ever desire. Life is fleeting, but boy is it interesting…and may I add that funerals are too?
I don’t know you, but I’m willing to bet big money that I’ve seen way more foolishness at funerals than you ever will. The tomfoolery and shenanigans that I’ve seen ensue have taught me that most people really just don’t handle grief well. As they fondle their way through bereavement, people have the tendency to exhibit behavior that simply isn’t quite right. This is entertaining. Sure, I’d prefer to not witness so many loved ones laid to rest, but the things that have happened at their homegoings…I. Could Not. Make. Up.
There is the time one of the elders at the church decided to read a passage of scripture condemning fornication at my father’s funeral which prompted my sister to swiftly rise to her feet in the middle of the services and demand that, despite our father’s reputation as a ladies’ man in his hay day, a proper scripture be read! Or there’s the time my certifiably crazy cousin showed up at my mother’s funeral with a fresh shiner and walked around to every person asking “you wanna know how I got this? My girl walked in on me in bed with another woman and she hit me in my eye.” Every person. There’s also my cousin who decided the best way to honor his father, my uncle, was to perform an original rap at the funeral. And how could I forget the time a close family friend literally chased her son’s girlfriend around the casket during the burial because she blamed her for his untimely death and how at that same burial, my sister sobbed uncontrollably on our older sister’s shoulder until our sister kindly said to her “baby, I’m gon’ have to give you a tic tac.” There was definitely that awkward moment when my uncle-in-law’s sister came to the podium and informed the guests that her brother was a “soldja, and all his kids was soldjas,” that he, in fact, taught her to be a “soldja” too and that she carried brass knuckles.
And then there’s my favorite, the moment my super sanctified older cousin walked to the mic during remarks and reflections at my aunt’s funeral. She began to talk about the “real good times” her and my aunt had “out in the world before Christ” and told everyone listening that there was a special friend she used to call I Hear Ya Baby and proceeded to say—at the front of the church—”I Hear Ya Baby, if you’re here would you stand up.” When it became quiet enough to hear crickets and everyone’s face was frozen in a blank stare, she continued, “I Hear Ya Baby, if you won’t stand then just wave at me so I know you in the building.” She waited for several moments without a response from I Hear Ya Baby. Awkward.
You see, when people are grieving they are likely to allow emotion rather than reason to guide their actions. The actions that they take in the midst of grief have a way of reaching ridiculous levels of not cool. So, here’s a word of advice. If you find yourself dealing unexpectedly with the loss of a loved one, don’t be so quick to act. Process the loss and try to remain rational despite the pain. This will help to alleviate erratic behavior. Try to maintain a level of normalcy and control by returning to your regular mealtimes and sleeping patterns. Journal about how you are feeling if you believe it will help. Construct a team of supportive folks with whom you are comfortable enough to express the myriad emotions that you are experiencing. Do not, under any circumstance, go to the funeral and act a plumb fool. People like me will write about you in articles; your family members will give you a perpetual side eye, and you will never be able to live those actions down.
Dealing with death is hard, but you can get through it. Time heals even the deepest of wounds. To those having a tough go at it, take things a day at a time and stop behaving badly. It’s embarrassing and as unfortunate as it is, people will remember and WILL talk about you.
We’ve all seen our fair share of ridiculous antics at funerals that we will never forget. Haven’t you? Do share.
Sheena Bryant is a writer and blogger in Chicago. Follow her on twitter at @song_of_herself.
More on Madame Noire!
- How I Learned To Stop Expecting My Vagina To Smell Like Roses And Just Loved It For What It Is
- Bison For Life: 10 Famous Ladies Who Went To Howard University
- Momma Dee on Bicth, Erica, Shay & Scrappy and Judgmental People
- Planet of the Naps: One Woman’s [Satirical] Story
- You Should Take Things Slow, But How Slow Is Too Slow? 7 Signs You’ve Been Put In The Dreaded “Gray Zone”
- Can’t Decide Whether to Stay or Go? Ask Yourself These 7 Questions
- Missed Opportunities: Did I Reject the Wrong Guy?
Who said that breaking up with a boyfriend or husband is the only tough breakup your heart will have to deal with? Anybody who has had to separate themselves from someone they used to consider another family member knows that the grieving process after the end of a lengthy friendship isn’t easy. But at some point, like with all break-ups, you have to learn and move on. It will take some time, but in the end, you should try and achieve the following in the process.
1. Think Back And See If You Did Everything You Could To Work Things Out
Most people feel conflicted about the break-up of a friendship with their best friend if they leave on messy terms. Was she mad at you about something you didn’t know about? Were her issues or your reasons for feeling a certain way vague? If you know that both parties were never really on the same page about why they were mad, you might want to try and seek full closure with that friend. Especially if you can’t seem to stop talking about it with anyone who will listen.
But if you know that you tried to reach out to this friend and be as understanding as possible and they still weren’t happy, then you have to let it go. Same goes for when a friend betrays you. If you know that what this person did was something you won’t be able to get over (and will bring up constantly) or they broke the trust in your friendship, your reasons are pretty justified in parting ways. But if feelings of regret come up, it’s never too late to reach out. Things might not be the same later on, but if you know you want that person in your life in some capacity, put the pride aside.
By N’neka Hite
The feeling that follows the news of a loved one lost is a memory that you carry for the rest of your life. Whether it was a chilling phone call, word of mouth, or a news headline, your mind is paralyzed and time stands still. Life transcends the mind and body into a new dimension. The desire to eat or sleep are nonexistent. The world around you for that period in time is frozen as emptiness consumes you.
Loving and losing is life’s way of awakening the spirit, but to suffer the loss of one who has given you life is a blow that is the most difficult to recover from. How do you say goodbye to a parent? Words cannot express the impact of emptiness, confusion and sorrow. We’ve watched celebrities we love go through this troubling time. While some have found strength, others were broken down to their core. Some recover, some go completely left, while others are inspired by the influence their first true love had on their life and express it through their artistry.