By: Shawny Metcalf

Every woman loves her Louie, Fendi, and Prada; some of us even purchase insurance for our bags. Ladies, do you remember your first designer label? That high you felt when you took it out of the box and gently peeled back the tissue paper from the inside. That glow in your eye was similar to the radiance you had when you met your first love or had your first kiss, it is indescribable yet so simplistic in the grand scheme of events in life.

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Ladies, trust me I get it – it’s hard to find a good man so when you get a hold of one you are not trying to let him go. But that is no excuse to think and behave as if every other woman wants your man too. Stay with me here…

That attractive woman who just walked in the room is not thinking about you or your man. There is a very good chance that she has a man of her own and doesn’t even notice yours. But while you side eye her and squirm closer to your boo because you feel somewhat threatened by her presence, she is shaking her head and thinking – “I don’t even want your man”.

Insecurity is so unattractive, especially when it comes to relationships with men. When we expose our trust issues to the world by doing shameless acts like that, all we are really doing is reinforcing the fact that we are unhappy and need to evaluate why we are with someone who we don’t trust. Most of the time these issues stem from deep-rooted problems within our relationship such as – when you met him he wasn’t quite “single” yet and now you fear the tables will turn on you; you’ve caught him cheating before, forgave him but didn’t forget and now you are always on guard; your confidence and self-esteem is at an ultimate low resulting in feelings of inadequacy and insecurity; and/or your man is simply no good and you know it. Regardless of which issue you may own, that jealous attitude needs to be checked at the door.

You can save yourself the embarrassment of making a fool of yourself in public because if your man is going to disrespect you and cheat on you, he will do so regardless of how many times you try to intercept and control the situation. But treating your fellow sister as if she is out to get you and take your man is just wrong. Now let’s not be a fool and think there aren’t some women out there who behave that way.  There are some trifling ladies in the world who don’t care if your man is with you or not because they have an agenda of their own. So rightfully so you may have to keep your eye out for them, but in any other case where you feel like a woman may want your man or your man may want her, trust me she is not interested and woman to woman – she don’t want your man…

Want to talk to me Woman to Woman or have a topic you would like addressed? Email me at rhooks@madamenoire.com or you can follow me on twitter @rashanahooks

Every time I hear a guy refer to a woman as “high maintenance” I serve up a side eye that is filled with an ounce of “boy please” and “go sit down somewhere”. Even when women call other women “high maintenance” it annoys me. I guess it’s the words high and maintenance that gets under my skin, because it makes a person sound like they are difficult to handle or require special attention and care as if they were a product not a person. Of course this name sake is hardly ever in the context of something positive, making the situation even worse, but why does being “high maintenance” have to be a bad thing? Or is it just because most people can’t handle anything above the average?

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New rapper, and Kanye protégé Big Sean was arrested recently after New York State Park Police received a complaint from a female that she had been sexually assaulted by the rapper during a concert where the G.O.O.D. rapper performed along with Wiz Khalifa.

Sean was arrested along with another gentleman from Detroit, on charges of forcible touching, unlawful imprisonment in the second degree and sex abuse in the third degree. Read Full Story Here…

Big Sean’s career is just getting started. What are your thoughts on the recent allegations?

Here’s a little history fact for all the young hip hop heads: EPMD was the first, in what would become a long tradition of hip-hop artists, to popularize an ode to the gold digger. In the timeless words of Erick and Parrish: “That’s why, men in the 90′s must watch themselves/ Cause ladies of the 80′s got hip and went for self.”

Although those lyrics are from 1990, they still represent a belief system that is as relevant today as it was during the golden era of hip hop.  The theory goes that a woman who seeks out financial security (and sometimes a little bit more) in exchange for love, she is considered a money-grubbing, gold digger. Folks say there are specific ways to spot a gold digger, including the way a woman dresses, the company she keeps (usually wealthy or professional men) and even how young and attractive she may be.

No one, regards of gender, believes that any woman who marries or dates an obscenely rich or prominent man does so for love alone. Just look at Melania Trump, current wife of Donald Trump; Heather Mills, former wife of rocker Paul McCartney; and Hugh Hefner and his assortment of playboy bunnies. No matter how much these women may have declared their everlasting devotion to these men, we the public simple refuse to believe it to be true, especially considering that the men in question are decades older and are not attractive as they once were.

While we collectively criticize and ostracize these women for apparently choosing money over love, their rich and powerful husbands or boyfriends rarely face the same scrutiny, when it is obvious that they base their “love” for these women off of their looks. As the old saying goes, if women are sex objects [then] men are success objects. So why is it that our collective reactions to these objectifications differ?

Just like the woman who marries a rich man for their ability to uplift them financially, there is a certain social status that comes with marrying a woman based off her appearance. A supermodel, beauty queen or video vixen could offer a prominent man the same status booster as can his vacation house, an expensive car or flashy jewelry. Even if a man is not as wealthy as say a Trump or even a middle class doctor, researchers believe that a man would be considered more popular or attractive if he had a beautiful or attractive spouse on his arm.

There is biological evidence that suggest that men often go for younger, beautiful women based off of a subconscious desire to conserve or even enhance their own genes. Women, who seek out financial stability, do so because of a subconscious desire to mate with the tribal leader, thus ensuring survival of themselves and their spawns. In less than scientific terms, we are a species of superficia­l, selfish, ignorant monkeys, who are driven mainly on primitive desires than our actual emotional desire to find “true love.”

Biology aside, though our society often celebrates one’s ability to equate physical desirability with love and romance, we ironically demonize the idea that other qualities, including financial stability, are equally important to matters of the heart. So if women are to be evaluated solely based on their appearance, it would only make it right that men be judged solely based on their ability to acquire wealth. After all, it’s just human nature, right?

Charing Ball is the author of the blog People, Places & Things.