All Articles Tagged "goals"

Ready For A Relationship? Skip All The Cliche Advice & Ask Yourself This One Question

September 22nd, 2015 - By Veronica Wells
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I’m tired of relationship advice. I’m particularly tired of men telling women what they’re doing wrong…because we’re the only ones doing things incorrectly. I’m tired of women in relationships giving advice they’ve never used a day in their lives. And I’m particularly saddened seeing so many women devoting every inch of their conscious mind to the thoughts of being with someone else.

My sister and her friends are far from the women I’ve just described but they are single. And one evening they found this article on O Magazine. It was about questions you should ask yourself if you’re still single and want to find someone.

I’ve always considered the writing in the magazine to be quite good, so I was interested to see if the questions posed would be different than the trite ones I’d heard trotted out over and over again.

They weren’t.

While the rationale behind the questions was very well written, I’d heard the questions themselves time and time again. The author asked things like are you stepping out of your comfort zone? Do you go out unaccompanied? When you go out is your body language open and inviting?


Just reading it makes you tired.

What I’ve always observed is that when you ask women how they met their significant others, most of the time they weren’t following any of the aforementioned or other cliche rules we hear day in and day out. It just happened when it happened, most times when they were least expecting it.

If you ask me, when it comes to finding a partner or getting into a relationship, there’s really only one question you need to ask yourself: Am I really ready to be in a relationship?

I don’t mean do you really want to be in a relationship, I mean have you proven that  you are mentally, psychologically, emotionally mature enough to be in a fulfilling relationship?

Judging by the way you treat people are you ready? Are you friendships, past a present, a reflection that you’re ready? Do close friends and trusted confidants keep telling you you need to work on something about yourself?

When I was a little girl, more than anything I wanted a boyfriend. At five-years-old I told my godbrother that he was going to be said boyfriend. I just thought it was important. Interestingly enough that boyfriend I had at 5 would be the last one I ever had until I was 27, which is this year.

By the time I was in college, in my early twenties, I really started wondering what the hell was going on? Where was my boo? I don’t even think I was asking God specifically, it was just a thought, a question that had come to my mind so many times, that I guess God just thought now was a good time to answer it.

And He did so, very plainly.

“You’re not ready. You would be consumed by a boyfriend right now.”

Well, dang!

When you put it like that God maybe I should chill.

I wish I could say that’s what I did, 100 percent of the time. But that would be a lie. I tried, repeatedly to force one situation in particular that was never quite right. And although this person wasn’t officially my boyfriend, though he did ask on occasion, I still found myself consumed by our relationship. There were things I didn’t do for myself when I was communicating and investing in him. There were relationships I neglected when I was worried about him. There were more viable options I missed out on while I was making myself available for him.

And while I will never say that it was all for nothing, in the end, it didn’t work out because I wasn’t ready. But I knew that. God had already told me that.

No amount of making myself available, after work mixers, or going out alone could have changed that. Only time and maturity.

Now, when I think of all the things I was willing, but ultimately didn’t have to sacrifice, it gives me chills. And I thank God for stepping in at the perfect moments to protect me from myself, even if I didn’t’ see it as such at the time.

When you ask yourself are you ready for a relationship, a part of that question is: Are there things in your life I know I need to do but have yet to accomplish?

When I saw that Adrienne Bailon and Lenny Santiago were no longer engaged, I was hurt. But then I watched the video where she explained the reason she called it off. She said she went on an “Eat Pray Love” journey and discovered the truth about herself and the fate of that relationship. Watching “The Real” pretty frequently, I couldn’t help but wonder if on that journey she discovered that there were some things she still needed to achieve before she was ready to be Lenny, or anyone else’s, wife.

On one particular episode, Tamar asked Adrienne why she doesn’t sing anymore. And she immediately burst into tears. Later on, in that same season, she was singing on the show. And her voice is quite nice. I don’t know the girl but I’ve heard her say things about not feeling like she had accomplished enough in her career.

That’s not insecurity, that’s her spirit telling her that there is more she’s supposed to do. And a part of me wondered if she wanted to do and achieve these things before she settled down into a marriage, where her attention would be diverted, once again, away from the road she knew she was supposed to be traveling.

I’m in a relationship now and I’m so thankful that it didn’t come along any sooner than it did. Now, at 27 and not 5 I’m more sure of who I am as a person and a woman. I’m not afraid to ask for what I want and my own behavior has proven that I’m not willing sacrifice things that are important to me in order to appease a man. Nothing could have prepared me for this place but life and learning.

Ways To Stay Proactive

August 25th, 2015 - By Kendra Koger
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Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

I can never pretend to be a person who has all the answers, but I will admit that my experiences with sometimes failing to stay focused is something that others can relate to.  Whether it’s procrastination, not feeling strong enough, or confident enough in my own abilities, there were times that I struggled with being proactive in my career.

However, a vital change has happened, and instead of sitting back and waiting for things to happen, I’ve been more focused and steady on creating the narrative that I want my life to go down.  I realized that my perspective on success and life has matured, and through those, I’ve been able to stay proactive.

As you go through your life/career/struggles, I hope that these things can help you to maintain your stride and continue to pursue whatever goal you’re attempting.

You’ve Heard It Before, But Have You Done It? Why You Really Need To Write Down Your Goals

July 29th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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This has to be something all of us has heard time and time again, but didn’t always follow. Whether life crowds your daily schedule or you just don’t feel like doing any extra work outside the office, there are so many reasons why we say we can’t do something. When it comes to goals, this is an area you definitely should not neglect.

Among my never-ending list of to-dos, I always try (keyword) my best to make room for my goals. Is anyone else horrible at making an “I promise” list at the beginning of the year? Luckily it’s never too late to start. This year I was determined to put my dreams to paper and write out a list of short- and long-term goals. And while there’s still work to be done, I’m beyond thankful to say many have been crossed off the list.

Obviously you can’t just add something to a vision board or a journal and expect it to come to fruition without a little work on your end. Contrary to what some hold true, sitting around and doing nothing will not elevate you to the level you desire to achieve. You actually need to work in order to see something come to pass. Even then, there’s never a real guarantee it will pan out the way you hoped.

One of the biggest goals I had was to try and double the amount I make in a year (giving birth in 2014 and 2015 will do that to ya). As a person who pursues a life of self-employment, I know far too well how many ups and downs can come at any given moment. Thankfully I’ve been able to keep things steady for some years, but I can recall many sleepless nights when I stared at my journal and wondered how I was possibly going to achieve this goal. At the time, it seemed impossible — especially since my husband and I were planning for our second child at the time.

How was I going to work harder than I already was? Was my dream too crazy or unrealistic?

I thought about every excuse in the book and started to become discouraged. One thing I will say about writing down your dreams is that it holds you accountable. There’s nothing quite like a piece of paper staring you in the face with an unchecked completion box to make you want to do something. As silly as it might sound, this helped to motivate me to find new ways to expand and earn income.

With time and a bit of research came light bulbs that started to go off in my head. I began breaking down each goal into ideas and obtainable parts that led me back to areas I had previously glossed over. Doors I once thought were closed or couldn’t work began to make sense. At one point, it became a game where I tried my best to piece this puzzle called life together (though I still don’t have all the parts I need yet). With dedication and a relentless spirit, I found myself aligned with an opportunity that would allow me to double my salary. What’s funny is it came a few weeks before I gave birth to my son that still works today. While things aren’t perfect (whose life really is?), everything fits, which is a blessing I’ll definitely take.

No matter how much ambition I had, writing them down on paper definitely helped me stay focused. It’s one thing to imagine an idea and catalog it in the back of your head, but a completely different story to have it front and center in your day-to-day hustle. It can be your friend and also your hardest critic as it challenges you to work hard. There will be times when you can complete a desired goal without too much trouble, and other times when you need to break that sucker into more digestible tasks. No matter how long it takes, the fact that you’re moving forward puts you one step closer to the things you want.

Have you written down your goals?

Real Talk: Are These Excuses Keeping You From Accomplishing Your Dreams?

July 10th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Are these excuses keeping you from accomplishing your goals? Here’s how to kick them to the curb and become your authentic self.

The Cost Of Success: What Will You Pay To Achieve Your Dreams?

July 6th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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All of us have a goal or two we would love to achieve. Regardless how big or small it might be, it’s important to keep shooting for the stars until you reach your full potential.

The question is, are you will to do what it takes to get there?

One thing I’ve learned about life is that talk is very cheap. Folks have no issue chatting your ear off about their intentions and plans, but more than likely have no immediate plans to pursue their endeavors. Hearing the same story over and over again really makes me work to step up my own game so I don’t become yet another person I know full of hot air.

When you set out to achieve your dreams, it in no way is an easy journey. If that were the case, more people would be millionaires and doing remarkable things. At the end of the day, you have to be ready to pay the price that comes with the perks of achievement. Here are a few common costs associated with the hustle.

A relentless attitude. This might sound like a no-brainer but is a necessary evil to achieving your goals. One of the biggest reasons why people are where they are is because they lack a determination to pursue their dreams, no matter what. If it’s easy for you to throw in the towel, you probably won’t make it very far.

Ability to leave your comfort zone. Here’s another one that’s easier said than done for some people. At some point, you need to stop doing the same old thing in other to see results. You can choose to be “comfortably miserable,” or head into uncharted territory to see better results.

Read: Don’t Be Your Own Worst Enemy: How to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Limited funds. No one says you need to go poor or rack up crazy debt before you make it big. This however does not mean you won’t experience setbacks that come with your hustle. Sometimes you have to start over at a new job or take a lateral position in efforts to gain the right amount of experience. If you’re an entrepreneur, there’s a good chance you’ll need to funnel money back into your business to make it profitable. Don’t allow yourself to get distracted by the fancy vacations others may take. Your time is going to come, but first, you need to take care of your business.

Read: Who Said There’s One Road to Success? 10 Reasons to Make a Lateral Career Move

Sleepless nights. Getting a good night’s rest is something all of us need, but will leave on the back burner to get to where we need to be. That can be very counterproductive. Whether you have a creative mind that won’t shut off or stay up trying to finish a little extra work, sleepless nights are unfortunately a common reality for dream seekers. See the irony?

Lack of work/life balance. You really need to be careful with this one as it’s never a good idea to isolate yourself from loved ones. In a quest to be successful, it can be very easy to focus all of your efforts on the pursuit of happiness and not those who inspire you. While it’s great to have a healthy work/life balance, there might be days (or weeks) when you need to put less time into your personal life and more time into your business venture.

Read: It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint: 10 Ways to Slow Down Your Hectic Life

There’s always going to be a cost associated with “making it,” you just need to decide how much is too much to pay.

Motivational Speaker Lisa Nichols Tells Parents To Serve From Your Overflow

March 11th, 2015 - By Veronica Wells
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Motivational Speaker Lisa Nichols Tells Parents To Serve From Your Overflow

I must have been living under a rock because when I traveled to Orlando, Florida for the annual Disney Dreamers Academy, I had never heard of Lisa Nichols. But by the end of the trip, I was glad to have had the opportunity to speak to her for a bit.

As you may know, the Disney Dreamers Academy is a program hosted by the corporation, along with Steve Harvey and Essence Magazine. During the course of four days selected students, with big dreams, have the opportunity to explore their passions, receive advice from those who have had success in related fields and enjoy the Disney parks along the way.

The kids end up getting quite a bit from the experience. But so do the parents.

Motivational speaker, Lisa Nichols spoke to the parents about the importance of not giving up on their own dreams because they find themselves raising a child. She told them that they don’t have to make a choice between their dreams and preparing their child to achieve their own.

In our exclusive interview, Ms. Nichols spoke to us about why it was important for her to speak to the parents this year and she also encouraged us about achieving the dreams (even the relationship ones) we have for ourselves.

See what she had to say in the video below.

What Potty Training My Daughter Taught Me About Success

February 27th, 2015 - By Kendra Koger
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What Potty Training My Daughter Taught Me About Success

Source: Shutterstock

There’s an adage that says:  “Once a man, twice a child.”  I took that as an illustration that your second “childhood” happens when you’re old in age.  However, I must be going through my Benjamin Button Effect a little prematurely, because there are certain things that my daughter is currently going through that I feel like I can relate to.

My daughter and I are finally rounding the final base of potty training.  Through this, I realized that there was a correlation between the struggle of getting one to use “the pot” to getting a person to a goal that they have in life, and I’m gonna share it with you.

First:  Stop Comparing Your Journey With Others

I am an avid reader of all things “parenting,” so when I read a blog post about a mother who potty trained her 15 month old, I decided that I would do the same thing.  However, it didn’t happen, and I increasingly felt like a failure each time I put my daughter on her potty, nothing happened, and then the moment I pulled her pants up she began to pee.

The truth of the matter is, success (any type of success that you’re going for) is not going to happen at the same time that someone else’s.  It might happen before others, or after others.  The most important thing for you to do is to focus on your own path, instead of feeling discouraged by how everyone else is doing.


Second:  You’re Gonna Have a Lot of False Starts

I remember when my daughter was one, she went a week using the potty consistently, and then… she just stopped.

Success is like that.  There are times you are going to be in your zone, and you’re winning;  or you feel like you’re about to win, and then… something impedes your momentum.  Maybe you get passed over for that raise that you were working so hard for, or you didn’t get the job that you seemed destined to get.

Along with success, failure is going to be inevitable at some point.


Third:  It’s Gonna Be Extremely Messy Sometimes.

In order to get to what you want to be, or where you want to be, you’re going to have to clean up some mess in your life.  It’s going to be hard. It might seem like a foul odor to your soul, and might make you want to vomit.  However, shifting through the B.S. is something that happens.

The most important thing to do is to try to clean up your situation as best as you can, until you get to the point that you no longer need someone else to do it for you.  Gain your independence!  Wipe your own nether regions!


Fourth:  Find Happiness In the Little Successes

One thing that warmed my heart was the excitement every single time my daughter successfully used the pot.  She would begin to beam, clap and congratulate herself for doing a great job.

This led to her being more consistent with it.

This is the same thing for you.  If you don’t acknowledge those tiny successes that come your way when you’re pursing a goal or a dream, then you’ll lose your motivation to continue.  No matter how small the success is, it still means that you’re on the path you should be on.


Finally:  It’ll Come, As Long As You Don’t Give Up

If I could tell you how many times I checked my budget to think:  Forget it!  I’ll just keep on buying diapers!  What?  I can’t afford it?  CRAP!

Success, along with potty training, all comes with consistency.  It’s going to be hard, you’re going to want to quit, and you’re going to doubt yourself.  However, if this is something that you think you’re meant to do, and you’re improving each time you attempt to go forward, then it’ll eventually come.

Don’t let your hard work go down the toilet!

Kendra Koger can think of about 50 potty jokes right now; share yours @kkoger.


15 Ways To Make 2015 Your Best Year Yet

December 31st, 2014 - By Rich
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Who doesn’t love a new year? It’s that great moment where you’re given a clean slate with a divine opportunity to start all over again. If it didn’t work in 2014, now’s the time to take another stab at it. However, whatever you do, don’t look back. Don’t spend your new year focusing on what you didn’t do in 2014. Get out of the past and focus on the present by strategizing a master plan to make 2015 your best year yet! When you click continue, you’ll be motivated by the 15 tips on how to make 2015 the best year you ever had!

15 Ways To Make 2015 Your Best Year Yet

images via Shuttershock

Are You Ready? 15 Things to Do Before 2015

December 26th, 2014 - By Rich
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Getting ready for a new year is all about organization and priorities! Preparation is everything and you still have a few days left in 2014 to prepare for 2015! We’ve compiled a list of 15 things to do before the ball drops. Like de-cluttering your home or strategically writing down your goals for the new year ahead.

Click continue and check out the 15 tips that will help you prepare:

All images: Shuttershock

Are You Ready? 15 Things to Do Before 2015

How To Set New Year’s Resolutions That You’ll Keep

December 22nd, 2014 - By Taylor Gordon
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It happens at the end of every year.

You set ambitious resolutions with good intentions that end up all but forgot by February. You’re not alone. According to a study only eight percent of people achieve their New Year’s resolutions for one reason or another. Make a change this year and become one of the eight percent by using these tips.