Men often say that women giving relationship advice to other women is like the blind leading the blind. Although I don’t totally agree, I do understand.

Over a ten year period, I went from being the girl who analyzed, supported, and offered plentiful advice to girlfriends who were caught up in crazy relationships and the girl who spoke freely about her own relationship TO the friend who listened quietly, and who in turn started guarding the details of her own relationship.

Before entering the world of dating, I had pre-conceived notions, like my fellow girlfriends, as to how that new world of romance would work. I remember watching daytime talk shows with my mother when I was in junior high and seeing woman talk about escaping domestic abuse situations and wondering…why the hell were they in the situation in the first place. If someone, disrespects you, you would leave. If someone treats you less than the wonderful Queen that you are, you find someone who would, right? It all seemed so simple then.

Slowly but surely(but more so slowly), I came to understand that the reality was much more complicated.

In the early post-college years of dating life,  my girlfriends and I advised each other on men who were not treating us well enough, men who didn’t care us about enough, men who cheated, and men who were simply not worthy of our stellar attributes. I thought it was the right thing to do to sound off when I thought a friend of mine was selling herself short. But the more encounters that I experienced that warranted that advice, the more I realized that it was the same girl who was on the receiving end. Some of my friends learned their lessons and vastly improved their lot in the dating game but a substantial amount did not.

My friend Serena (name changed obviously) knew she suffered from low expectations, but even with that realization she still got into relationships with men who were lukewarm about her and who did little to win her over, while she doted on them and went the extra mile to keep them content. By the time we hit our 30s, I knew I could no longer continue giving her advice; if I did, I risked sacrificing our friendship.