All Articles Tagged "getting married"
Whether you’re dreaming about or actually planning your wedding, you’re likely to come across or you already have ideas regarding the “traditional” wedding. While traditions are traditions for a reason, there’s nothing that says traditions can’t be broken. Your wedding is your day to celebrate in any way that you see fit. If you want to break away from the traditional rules and styles, don’t hesitate to do so! For a unique and memorable wedding, here are 14 wedding traditions you should consider breaking.
When two people get engaged, they want to scream it from the rooftop! And that’s okay, because from the rooftop may be only your next-door neighbors will hear you. But when it comes to weddings, when does sharing become over sharing? With social media having an increased presence in our most intimate and monumental of events, when does it enhance “the big day”, and when does it just cheapen it?
“Marriage is more than finding the right person. It is being the right person.” —Unknown
I used to wonder if I would ever find true love. When I was in college, I thought I’d be married by the time I was 25. When 27 rolled around, I thought I would get married in my early 30s. Then I thought I’d be married by the time I was 35 years old. In hindsight, it’s easy to see why it took so long for “the one” to find me and me to find “the one.” I wasn’t being the person I needed to be in order to have the love I desired.
Read more at YourTango
But I Don’t Want To Sit In My Bra And Panties In Front Of The Fan! Why You Don’t Need A List Of Things To Accomplish Before You Get Married
Seriously, it doesn’t make sense to me how many women have decided that they need to achieve everything on their bucket list before tying the knot as though they’re going to subsequently turn into a completely different person afterward.
Obviously, there are some things like bedhopping or extreme emotional issues and personality disorders that need to be abandoned or worked through before getting married. But that’s not the kind of thing I’m talking about. You’ve heard the lists: achieve a certain career status, travel to Europe, have girls-only weekends, lose fifteen pounds, buy the dream car, or something else that some have erroneously decided is only an option for single women. Even something as silly as “enjoy sitting home alone with nothing but your t-shirt on” makes some before-I-get-married lists.
I’ll never forget the time Wendy Williams admonished girls to wait until their 30’s to get married saying:
“You should never get married until you have stayed in your own apartment—no parents, no roommates, you can come home, sit in your bra and panties in front of the fan.”
Never mind the fact that I had my own apartment well before I was thirty. In fact, I lived alone at 23 and had a serious love/hate relationship with the arrangement. It was cool when I wanted to be by myself during the daylight hours. But it was not cool at all when I was sitting on top of my kitchen table for nearly an hour in a standoff with a ladybug clear across the room because I’m deathly afraid of insects. Nor when I heard a noise in the middle of the night and became convinced I was about to become the next victim profiled on Nancy Grace. Nor when I was having to close my bedroom door in a lame attempt to convince the cable guy that my big, strong, scary, (non-existent) boyfriend was sleeping in there in case the cable was up to no good. Honestly, staying in my own apartment is the last thing I miss about being single.
But, beyond that, why does Wendy (and so many other women) believe that getting married means not being yourself anymore? Is there a wife on the planet who feels that the ring on her finger means she can’t sit around in her bra and panties in front of a fan? If so, it’s probably because that “Dual Income, No Kids” life means being able to afford Central Air. In all seriousness, what exactly are women expected to change about themselves as a result of getting married?
I’m asking because personally the change in my life has been fairly unremarkable since I modified my last name and so maybe I’m missing something. I haven’t been hitched that long, but if the other shoe didn’t drop at the altar then there’s no reason to believe it will happen tomorrow. I strongly believe that getting married doesn’t have to mean giving up who you are because the person who marries you is marrying who you are.
For some reason, despite this Age of Overshare we live in that’s devoid of any mystery whatsoever, women seem to be convinced that they’re going to marry a man who doesn’t know them that well or like them that much. That’s highly unlikely though. Think about it: You tweet 456 times per day, every single thought that pops into your head, yet have this baseless and unfounded fear that you’re going to marry someone who isn’t aware that you want to keep your last name? I know personal information via Twitter about people whom I wouldn’t recognize if they sat next to me on my front porch. Therefore, it’s pretty safe to say that a potential husband would have some sort of clue about the woman he’s with and conversely you’ll have a clue about him. If you don’t want to be the kind of wife married to a man who expects you to iron his boxers, then know that being married doesn’t mean having to iron your husband’s boxers and don’t marry a man who expects you to do that. It’s truly that simple.
Granted, there are definitely women who have allowed their marriage to change them in enormous ways. Notice I said “allowed.” If a woman had a bourgeoning career, close friendships, and dreams of the future before she exchanged vows and has now only become a former shell of herself, then somewhere in there the choice was made to change. Those types of women are the exception and not the rule. This isn’t to say that things won’t change at all if you get married, of course there will be some differences. However, an altar is not going to do for you what a phone booth did for Clark Kent and transform you past the point of recognition.
If you have a list of things you want to do before you get married then by all means check them off. However, I hope you don’t feel like if you don’t do certain things before you jump the broom then you’ve missed your opportunity because that’s just not true.
The Danger Of Marrying For Practical Purposes: Why I Think Those Who “Settle” Are Potential Cheaters
Oftentimes, we look at infidelity as a product of one person in a relationship checking out and acting irresponsibly for selfish reasons; we envision the cheater as someone that decided he or she wanted something new. But as I see a lot of my friends settling down and getting married, I have come to observe that there is one motive for cheating that is rarely discussed: “settling.”
As I witness cousins, friends and associates getting engaged and married, I realized that I don’t know too many couples who are mutually and passionately in love. Of all the couples I know, I only admire the relationships of a handful of folks. Most couples I know consist simply of two people who just settled for one another or one who is more into the other.
Some of these women I know in these relationships always had a practical mindset when it came to love; some just had little hope of finding “the one” after 30; and some thought they just owed it to the man who loved them unconditionally. It makes me sad, really. I’m not a supporter of “settling.” Although I did admire the rationale behind the notorious book by Lori Gottlieb arguing that women needed to be practical about their expectations, I know that compromising emotions for the sake of practicality wouldn’t work for someone like myself. Although many people wouldn’t admit it, “settling” wouldn’t work for them either. What’s proof of this? Cheating and infidelity.
Like I mentioned, we envision a cheater as someone who got married and was in love, met someone else, and just moved on to the next. But settlers are the pre-cheaters. I look at a close friend of mine who is marrying a man who is madly in love with her. She’s not in love with him although she likes him. I fear the day when she comes across a man who evokes the passion she’s lacking in her own emotions for her fiance.
I imagine this happens all the time. The man who cheats with his co-worker and the woman who leaves her husband for a man she met on the plane potentially both have similar stories. When a person, who has settled, connects with another person that stirs up those passions, they don’t know how to handle things. It’s not like these scenarios have uniformly happy endings or sad endings; but what they almost always do is throw off someone’s balance in life and make them question their own personal state of affairs. When settling, you’re essentially putting yourself in the vulnerable position of temptations. When that part of your life is not truly fulfilled and satisfied, you may feel that there is a vacuum that needs to be filled.
So with all the talk of settling down, being practical, marrying someone who loves us more than we love them, etc, maybe we should think about the potential damage that can be caused by this rush to the altar. Understandably, I know there are some people who will be fully content with their decision to settle and never second-guess their decisions but I think for the most part, people desire the idea and feeling of true love.
Do you know anyone who’s cheated because they found true love after they got married?
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Some women spend their whole lives waiting for a man, any man to pop the question. Other women are smart enough to know that if the situation is not right, or if he’s not right, it’s best to decline. We talked to those women today on our Facebook and Twitter pages and got their stories. See what they had to say.
Christina: I was asked to be married by my Muslim friend from Egypt. I turned it down because he was asking everyone, just to stay in America:)
Karen: I used to be called the real runaway bride. Yes I did several times because I was simply afraid. I felt pressured to have a family and of course we broke up, hard feelings at first but it was best
Don’t marry a man unless you would be proud to have a son exactly like him. I read this phrase and thought it was important to remember. So often, women create a list of things they want in a man, be it long or short, and fail to include this very stipulation. Some say they want a man who is accomplished, good looking, religious, smart, but fail to assess character.
I’m in my late twenties and single. I don’t rush into relationships because I’m keen on what I want in a man, but still, I tire of a question that I’m sure many women in my position can relate to. “Why aren’t you married yet?”
I’ve met many men from different walks of life, but I’ve been slow to label my relationships. I’m interested much more in who a man is when the date is over and he returns to his corner of the world, than I am in his resume. Who is he in those moments when no one is watching? Who is he when his character is tested? I’m interested more in what is driving him than his destination. Years ago, my older sister told me that women are given a power over their children’s lives that we sometimes forget to exercise. We get to choose the father for our children. We get to decide who will be a part of their life, who will influence them, who will essentially raise them. We have the option to choose, and considering the staggering divorce rate, the percentage of single mothers, incarcerated fathers, and number of cases in child support litigation nationwide, it’s sad that so many don’t choose wisely.
No, I’m not saying that we, as women, should be seeking absolute perfection, but I am saying that we need to remember to place priority on the things that matter to us, because ultimately those things cannot be ignored. Many women I have talked to want to get married. They’re eager to start the life they have planned for themselves with a husband, two and a half children, and a beautiful home. When it doesn’t happen fast enough, they fear they may end up alone and unhappy. The truth is, we can be married and more alone than we were as single women. In all of that planning, we focus on a new last name instead of a life. It is important to ask the right questions.
In the unfortunate chance that a marriage is broken, will he uphold his responsibility as a role model for his children, or is his willingness to be a father contingent on the success of the marriage? I want my son to grow up loving and respecting women. I want him to value hard work, and be persistent in those things he desires. I want him to be confident and humble. I want him to love God. I want him to grow up to be a good husband and father, accountable for his family.
These traits are learned over time and so if I have all the power to decide who will be the one to teach him, I want to choose carefully. I’ve heard it said that children learn more by a parent’s actions than by their words. Just imagine the little boy on the stepstool pretending to shave like his father. Or drawing a picture for his grade school crush. What better way for a father to teach his son than to be the man that he wants him to be. So if we settle for the husband who is not everything we cherish but will do just fine, we’re potentially setting ourselves up for disappointment in our children and, needless to say, a miserable life for ourselves, always wondering if we should have done better.
Herina Ayot is currently working on a novel based loosely on her own life, “The Content of Things Undone.” She tweets @ReeExperience.
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You asked and we delivered! Several of you submitted your wedding questions to party planner extraordinaire, David Tutera. Lucky for you he took the time to answer five of those questions here. See what the host of WE tv’s My Fair Wedding had to say about budgeting, decorating and the all important dress.
Once you’re done with the video check out our profile on one of David’s brides, Folshi, and be sure to watch My Fair Wedding every Sunday at 9/8c
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Everyone assumes that you must be married by the time you’re thirty or you’ve squandered your chances of ever living in married bliss. But that might not be the case for you. You might not want to rule out getting married in your forties. It’s totally possible.
Check out the reasons why it might be the best thing over at Your Tango.com.
Grown women everywhere rejoiced when The Princess and the Frog came out. “Finally…finally! A black princess.” Even with an initial limited (and strategic) release in New York City and Los Angeles, the film was a box office smash. Women had good reason to be excited. The film seemed to culminate all of the childhood fairy tales you grew up with. It rekindled that flame, sometimes buried deep inside, which reminds women of the time they envisioned themselves as princesses. It also evoked a time when you envisioned a handsome Sir Prince-a-lot galloping down the road to rescue, love and live happily ever after with you.
It indicated that the fairy tales you grow up with tend to stay with you well into adulthood. They provide inspiration for finding success and happiness in love and life. The format has to be simple so children and adults alike can connect with blissful imagery. The only downside is that fairy tales aren’t exactly accurate, which can make the ugliness of real life hard to swallow when pretty-colored tales are challenged.
Love, romance and marriage can all still be great but it’s far from fairy-tale ideal. Where reality and fantasy collide is where myths are born. Here are the most common myths about your love life.