Source: WENN

From Your Tango

By Samantha Escobar

One of my closest friends since way back in the eighth grade is gay, and growing up, the majority of my other close male friends were gay, as well. While our sexualities rarely came up unless we were discussing dating- or sex-related topics, I’ve sometimes wondered why so many of the men that I am closest to are gay, and I have often heard similar statements from other women, as well as several gay men who say that straight women make up a large percentage of their friends. So, why does this combination seem to work so well for so many people?

According to a recent study from the University of Texas and published in Evolutionary Psychology, there is evidence that the closeness felt between gay men and straight women is “rooted in the absence of deceptive mating motivations.” Because they are “free of hidden mating agendas,” says the study’s lead author Eric Russell, “they may be able to develop a deeper level of honesty because their relationship isn’t complicated by sexual attraction or mating competition.”

Read more on YourTango.com.

Source: hellobeautiful.com

From Hello Beautiful.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

So, I have been with my man for 2 years. We live together and have now for over a year. It just seems lately that he is very distracted and more interested in what his ex wants or needs. He does have a 15 year old with her, but I feel he should only have contact with his ex when it comes to his child. He is still paying her car insurance and I am afraid he is doing that to hold on to whatever he can. What do I have to do to get him to finally let go? I am so confused and I am also sick of wasting my time if he can’t be fully devoted to this relationship. Please help – Hoping He Moves On

See what the Gay Best Friend has to say about this at Hello Beautiful.com.

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From HelloBeautiful.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I just read an article and you answered a question if you wanted to know if your male mate was gay. I liked how you answered the lady with the famous athlete question. I would like to know if you can answer mines.

Ok, my son’s father makes me think he has some tendencies of being gay or bi- curious. I was wondering if he is just lost in his sexuality of knowing what he wants. He has dated many women in his life and always maintains or keeps one. But, he cheats with many women and that’s why I’m not with him now.

But, the reason for me thinking of him being gay is because he likes looking at naked men private parts, but tries to be funny about it. He loves for a woman to play around his anal area during sexual intercourse. He wanted to take my dildo toy home after we had sex. He also makes funny statements sometimes as in, “I love Jay-Z and I will give him 0-ral sex.”

I was just wondering if his dating so many women and always cheating on them is a cover-up to him hiding his homosexuality? I am wondering and wanted to know so I can help him so he won’t keep hurting women, especially if that’s not where his heart truly is. Thank you for your time, but I truly do need your help. – I Think My Son’s Father Is Gay

Check out whether Terrence Dean, a.k.a. the gay best friend, confirmed this woman’s suspicions on HelloBeautiful.com.

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From HelloBeautiful.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

Eight months ago I began dating the boy, because he is far from a man, that I absolutely loved in high school. His friends were my friends and they decided to hook us up. We never went on an official date, never had the honeymoon phase of the “relationship,” and I never understood that those were stages that most people had when beginning a relationship because I’d never had a “real” one without cheating.

Time rolls by, he would call every Saturday, and I liked that. We both worked throughout the week, so I didn’t mind him not calling or text throughout. When we hit the “relationship” stage I had to ask if we were a couple. When Friday night came around I would have to ask did he want to do anything with me.

Now, let me describe him for you. He was thirty years old. He lived at home with his mama. I could understand that because I live at home too because of student loans. But, he lived at home because his ex put him out. I didn’t know the story at the time and continued to TRY to see the good in him when I found out.

He did not have a car!!! I thought it was because of his wreck he had, which turned out to be a DUI and he had a suspended license. I still stayed.

He was a horrible boyfriend! We never went out period, unless drinking was involved. I would text him, no reply. Then I would stop texting he would say, “What’s wrong with you, haven’t heard from you in a while.” I got to the point where I started cheating, I didn’t sleep with any of them, and doing things alone or with other people, then he would call and text a billion times “What you doing?” I would tell him the truth, because I would ask him first to do the things with me.

I stopped cheating on him and about the fourth month we began to have sex. Can you say, WTH!!!! I thought it was my fault that the sex was bad, but um…no! I still stayed because when we did see each other, (sometimes once a week even a month and we stayed five minutes away from each other) we would be great. He started off saying he loved me and I was a deer in head lights. I would say it back but not mean it in that type of way. My family was going through deaths and sickness, and you would think you could call and rely on your man. Child please!!!. He would be fishing and playing basketball with his friends.

To sum all this nonsense up: He was broke. Never spent time with me unless we were drinking, always with his friends, and when I say always I mean 6 days out the week, you knew it rained the seventh day because he would be at home. He drunk too much, lied about what days he worked and didn’t work.

I finally woke up the eighth month and give him a list of choices, and when I say list I mean typed and copied and handed it to him. Choice one: Break up. Choice two: Get serious about us. Choice three: Stay the way we are and I will cheat and you don’t get that privilege because you are happy being unhappy. He decided to stop speaking to me. Meaning he cussed and fussed to his friends and completely avoided me. My friend said I had the right to do it but I need to sit down and talk with him to see if we could work it out. I think she’s dumb because she’s taking care of a sorry nergo and always crying.

My question to you, am I wrong for caring about myself and giving him ultimatums or was I wrong and seemed selfish and not caring about the “relationship” and his nonexistent feelings. -Ms. I Come First

Check out what Terrence Dean, a.k.a., the gay best friend has to say about her decision at HelloBeautiful.com.

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From Hello Beautiful.com.

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I don’t know where to begin, but I need your advice on where to go from here. So here’s the story.

I have been in a relationship with this man for four years. Two years into the relationship, he proposed marriage which I proudly accepted. However, throughout our relationship I NEVER met anyone face to face, nor via phone from his family — no kids, no friends, no church family. NO ONE! I constantly questioned this, but was always told that since these loved ones lived in another state it was difficult to get them all together. So, I let it go.

Anyway, the wedding planning was taking place quite smoothly, yet there were times when I constantly had to nag him for his list of guests and their addresses. Needless to say that he NEVER came through with a complete list for me. Yet, he told me that all of his guests knew all the pertinent wedding information.

Now, on to the good part. Two days before the wedding, he tells me that his mom (who lives in another state) became very ill and was hospitalized in intensive care. Therefore, he told me that some family members would not be attending the wedding. The very next day, he claimed that there was NO change in his mother’s condition and that more of his family members would not be attending and he was thinking of going to see his mom also. So, I responded with, “I understand your feelings for your mom, but how do we handle all the other guests and family that have traveled for this big day?” Well, the next day comes around, (which is the wedding day), and I get two calls that morning. First, he called and said that his mom took a turn for the worse. Then the second call, (an hour later from the first), he called and said that his mom had die. So, I immediately jumped into action by going to him to console him for his loss and to try to arrange for him to leave at some point that day to meet other family members to handle arrangements for his mom. While all of this is going on, I called around to tell all the other guests the news and that we would be delaying the ceremony for an hour so that the groom could get himself together, and he would be leaving right after the ceremony.

While guests are arriving to the church they find the church locked and no one inside. Out from nowhere the groundskeeper appears and asked why the guests are there? They responded they were there for a wedding. The groundskeeper informs them no wedding was set to take place. After many phone calls back and forth between my guests, the groundskeeper, and my potential groom it was discovered that the groom NEVER asked his pastor to officiate our wedding, nor did he book the church for the wedding. By that time it seemed to me, and others, that he simply DID NOT want to get married, aside from the grief he was suffering from losing his mother, which looked suspect after finding out the truth about the “locked” church. So, it was confirmed two days later that the groom lied about his mother’s death because he wanted to cover up the fact of NOT completing his wedding task as he should have. He claims he failed to do his part of the planning and came up with all these lies because he was scared and afraid that I would leave him for being lazy and procrastinating. I was devastated and humiliated beyond belief that I could have been left at the altar like that. To this day, this man constantly calls and asks for forgiveness and another chance at love with me. But, why would I even want to give him an ounce of my time? Am I being too harsh to someone that I undoubtedly truly did love? Or, should I just admit that I deserve better and let him and his deceitfulness go elsewhere? – The Jilted Bride

Find out what the gay best friend, Terrence Dean, has to say about this at HelloBeautiful.com.

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Source: HelloBeautiful.com

From HelloBeautiful.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’ve been in a relationship with a man for the past 7 years and we have a son together. His family has never been supportive of our relationship and they don’t like me. Though we’ve been together for so long, and I don’t like some of his ways, he has made some changes and has enrolled in college and stopped hanging out every night. But, there are things that haven’t changed like him wanting to play around online and texting other females behind my back, and making a fool out of me.

I’ve dealt with lies, dishonesty, and just straight games with this man. Every time I think our relationship has reached another level and think that things between us has gotten better, I will find out that he is online talking to other women, and finding numbers and text messages from random women in his phone. I have been more than a good woman to him. I have showed him nothing but compassion, love, honesty, faithfulness, and loyalty. What have I received in a return is a bunch of lies and games and I’m so done.

I forgive him time and time again, and thought he changed. He says he is in love with me and only wants to be with me and he says he wants to get married. But, I feel that its all about actions and his actions shows otherwise. – Tired Of Waiting

Find out what the gay best friend, Terrence Dean, has to say about this situation at HelloBeautiful.com. 

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From Hello Beautiful.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

My situation is this. I’m in love with my co-worker and have been for the past year. I am a very jealous person and don’t know how to control it. When he and I first met, it was at our job. It was an immediate attraction from day one, and everyday all day we would either be on the phone or texting each other.

A couple of months go by and we ended up sleeping together. He tells me that he is married and I almost wanted to cry because I felt lied to. He constantly tells me about how unhappy he is in his marriage so I try be a good friend, and just listen. Soon after that he tells me he needed to talk and his marriage is unraveled and he wants out.

He moves out of his place and moves in with me. He has gotten a divorce since then, but first started talking about how he wanted to be with me and wanting to marry me. He would tell me this while he was married, and it puzzled me that he would still find the time to text and call me. I asked how is that possible? I mean where is your wife while you’re on the phone with me?

We haven’t been sleeping together because I’m bothered about his being so secretive. He is always texting and now my feelings have got caught up and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m so unhappy because even though we aren’t sleeping together, our friendship is going down the drain because I sometimes act like I’m the girlfriend when I’m only his friend. We have both decided that being in a relationship isn’t healthy because I don’t trust him. My trust is because while he was married he was always texting me or hanging out with me. I don’t want to damage our friendship, but I am just wondering should I just call it quits and tell him to leave because I’ve been in tears wanting to be with him, but know it would never work out.

We are both going to school full-time and work full-time. I feel as though he is starting to talk to someone else because he seems to text all the time. I even talked to him about him texting because it bothers me. All I ask is that he gives me the same respect that I give him. He is sleeping in my bed and I’m not sleeping with anyone else so I just choose to be celibate. I can’t keep living like this and I don’t know how to get out of it. I’m in love and just want these feelings to go away. He tells me that I don’t have a right to ask him who he is texting because he pays his bills, and I know he is right but I wish I could find out.

I recently thought about downloading a program on his phone that will send all his text and calls to my email, but I feel like I’m way over the line. His pattern hasn’t changed with me and by that I mean he comes home at the same time and has never been late for work. Ugh! I feel so dumb. I respect all your thoughts on different situations but when you respond to me could you please not call me a Itchbay. I can deal with criticism but not disrespect thanks. – In Love With My Co-Worker

Find out what “The Gay Best Friend” had to say in response at Hello Beautiful.com

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This woman went from one abusive relationship to the next and found herself in a real predicament when she started loaning out large sums of money. Read what she wrote the Gay Best Friend and see what he had to say in response.

From Hello Beautiful 

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I am writing you this letter because I respect your honesty. I got involved with a guy in November of last year, seven months after leaving my physically abusive ex of twelve years. He invited me over, and we spent time together several times without having any sexual contact. Two months into the “friendship” he started asking me to loan him money. TO be brief, he paid me back the money that he borrowed just like he said he would.

Six months into it, he asked me to loan him $2,000, and I did out of my taxes (I got back 11 grand) and, because he paid me back over $1,000 that he borrowed from me previously. After he gets this money from me, he then tells me that he wants to be to himself two days later. I asked him why in the hell would he ask me for money then all of a sudden want to be alone. He claims that he was going through some things. Whatever. Anyhow, he had promised to repay me the money in monthly payment of $100, and only gave me one payment. He claimed that his mother spent his money that was in his account, and that he could not pay me back as we agreed. He promised to have a payment in two weeks, and to call him then. Unbeknownst to me, he had filed three police reports claiming that I had harassed him for months, and that he didn’t owe me any money. I was served with a restraining order, and he was granted one for six months.

I sued him in civil court because even though we had no promissory note, I had 10 recent text messages of him owing me the money and promising to repay it. I subpoena his mother as my witness, because I knew from the beginning that his story was BS. She testified under oath that she had no knowledge of me or my money. This old woman straight up lied! The betrayal that I felt, on top of the heartbreak, intensified. I realized that he had set out from the beginning to use me, and he lied to me when he could’ve been honest. That’s all I ever asked, and he knew that I cared deeply for him. So, I’m still in litigation, but he knew that I needed this money back. He knew that I was a single mom with two daughters. So, he didn’t just take that from me, he took from my kids too. I was good to him, compassionate when he cried on my shoulders, and I try to be the best person I can be to all of my friends, family and associates. I did nothing for him that I wouldn’t do for anyone else.

I used to be extremely selfish, and now I went from being too selfish to being too free-hearted. I allowed someone to see the good in me, and take advantage of it. I feel so stupid and I take responsibility for even loaning the money. It’s the betrayal that hurt most, the lies, the restraining order he lied on me in, when all I did was be good to him. How can someone be so heartless and cruel? No conscience. I go to church, I work hard for my tax money, I don’t lie, manipulate or use people. He had given me money to and bought me things, so all of this caught me off guard. Again, this was his plan, his trap for me. I met his representative; the real him came out much later.

I went through a severe depression, and even now, I’m still trying to put myself back together. I want his mom to be in court for the trial, so she can see how he did me. I’m really hoping that she make him realize how wrong he is, because she is the only woman he cares anything about. He has a daughter, and I told him that I’m someone’s daughter too. So, I guess that I’m just asking how to get over the betrayal. I see now that I got involved too soon after the 12 years with my ex, so men are a no-no for a long time. No sex, no friends, no nothing. I see why he’s been single all these years, and for him to be a FED-EX manager for 13 years, why use me for money? I’m ready for the lashing, but I just want him to understand how wrong he is, and how he really wounded me. I want someone to hurt him like that too, so he can see how that -ish feels. Maybe then he will realize how he hurt me, and all the other women he took advantage of. Because I know I’m not the first one. –He Took From Me

See what the Gay Best Friend had to say in response at Hello Beautiful.com. 

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You’re loving your man, he’s loving you. Things couldn’t be any better, except… for that treacherous ex of his. Now that he’s gone she realizes how she messed up and is trying tirelessly to get him back in her life, all while ignoring the fact that he’s in a committed relationship with you.

This is the case for one of the readers over at Hello Beautiful.com.

Find out what the “Gay Best Friend” aka Terrence Dean had to say about her dilemma and how she should move forward, here.

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My name is Toya Sharee and I’m a fag hag. Let’s be clear, in no way do I throw this term around offensively, but strictly in the most affectionate way possible. And honestly, if you haven’t met the Will to your Grace or Stanford to your Carrie Bradshaw, you are missing out on what might be one of your funniest, fabulous and frankly friendliest friendships.

Female friendships have always been rather difficult for me. It all stems from an incident in high school where I specifically remember my best friend at the time telling me that I could not meet her latest romantic interest because, “He might like you and not want to talk to me anymore.” So let me get this straight: I can’t hang out with my best friend and her man, because his inner douche bag might float to the surface, even though I in no way, shape or form would ever entertain it? Point taken.

Yes, I could be called “that girl” who often shies away from an entourage of femme fatales and usually rolls solo with the exception of a few close allies whose loyalty and authenticity have proven the test of time. But along the way I’ve had my share of smiles and well-wishes which I surely discovered were facades for something a bit more sinister. I’m not the only one whose had the “Single Black Female” friend whose casual conversations are actually a covert operation to gather info about your life and relationships so that she can make what’s your’s, her’s. Then there’s “Misery Loves Company” who has ultimately decided that all men are trifling and unworthy. She takes every opportunity to pick at the flaws of your relationship with a fine-toothed comb in a campaign to convince you to give up, just as she has. Oh and let’s not forget the “Mrs. Me Too’s” who truly believe they are creating their own style and making up for a lack of creativity by buying everything in your closet…in a different color.

I am not too close-minded to admit that I have issues when it comes to female friendships and my judgment is tainted. Maybe I have poor taste in friends, but my experiences have convinced me that friendships with females aren’t exactly “friendly.” They usually require a lot of work to maintain and are usually filled with their share of drama and competition. That’s not to say that I don’t believe that a true healthy friendship can be shared between females, I just have yet to witness one for myself.