All Articles Tagged "friendship"
This past weekend one of my closest friends came to New York to spend a little quality time together and while here we caught up with a couple of our other friends from college, one of which was a guy we hadn’t seen since she last came to NYC seven years ago. The friend, who I’ll call Lee for the sake of anonymity, got my cell number from my friend so he could call me for directions on how to come to our other friend’s house, and around 8pm or so Saturday night he joined a group of us at her house to play cards, chill, and reminisce.
At the time all was well in the world, around midnight or so he offered to train and cab it with us back to Harlem from our friend’s in Bushwick to make sure we made it home safely, and then went back to his spot. When his number showed up on my cell the next morning I assumed he wanted to meet up again for brunch or something; unfortunately I was confronted with the voice of an unfamiliar woman asking me: “Do you know Lee?” And here comes the B.S.
“Yeah, we went to school together.”
“Were you with him last night?”
“A group of us hung out a mutual friend’s house…if you consider that being with him, then yes.”
“And you know that he has a girl and kids?”
“Yes. I’m aware.”
“Do you know that he’s a liar?”
“Do you know that he’s a liar?”
“No…we don’t know each other like that for the issue of him lying to me to ever be an issue.”
I hang up. Better yet, I hang up irritated, thinking to myself well, there’s the answer to my question about whether he’s still with that crazy girl. But I’m annoyed that this kind of drama has been brought to my doorstep and, unfortunately, it only escalates from there. About an hour or two later, the same number dials my phone. I hesitate to answer, but pick up hoping it’s Lee and he’ll apologize for these shenanigans. It was Lee, but he seemed to be confused about something, saying he was away from his phone and wanted to make sure everything was OK. I realize he must’ve seen my number in his call log and thought I called him and that’s when I brought him up to speed on the morning’s happenings and let him know yes, everything was OK — aside from the mother of his children (she wasn’t quite yet a baby mama in my mind) calling to question me about nonsense.
His response was pretty nonchalant and he got off the phone with me in an awkward “I’ll hit you all up later to see what you all are doing” sort of way that makes me think this occurrence is par for the course with this woman. But then he calls back two minutes later to ask me to go over the conversation again and apologizes, saying he just wanted to make sure she wasn’t being mean. Mean no? Out of line? Yes.
At some point I notice a woman’s voice in the background asking to be put on the phone and I tell Lee in no uncertain terms, “Do not put her on the phone. I’ve already talked to her enough.” At this point, she says something along the lines of you don’t have to put the b%&$! on the phone. I have her number, I’ll call her myself.” And that’s when I promptly let her know that she won’t be calling anyone on the phone and instead of worrying about me sleeping with her baby daddy, which I am not, she needs to go sit her a** in the house somewhere and raise her f!%&ing kids!”
Sorry. Not my finest hour; I know. But why am I’m expected to star in some hood version of Young & The Restless because this insecure woman thinks I’m the reason her relationship has gone to hell and not the man in front of her, not to mention the woman in the mirror? I’ve dealt with less drama with men that I’m actually dealing with. I’ll be damned if I let their dysfunction ruin my Sunday morning. Hell, they shouldn’t be letting it ruin theirs.
To this woman’s (very minor) credit, I understand her being suspicious of Lee coming in at 4/5 am. If we’re being honest, what, or maybe I should say who, are most men doing at that hour if they aren’t home with their woman and children? But that’s not my problem. You see a new number in his phone when you check it — which you have no business doing anyway — and you get curious and wonder who it could be. Again, not my problem. If you want answers, the other woman, who in this case is just a friend, is not the person from which you seek them.
And here’s the bigger issue — aside from disrupting my Sunday morning — if you have to go through all these motions every time your man leaves the house, doesn’t that say something’s not right? If your natural inclination when he steps away from his phone is to snoop through it, does that not speak volumes about your level of trust and insecurities? If he doesn’t have sense enough to come home to you at a decent hour or tell you he’ll be out late with some old friends, does that not indicate a lack of respect and poor communication? And do all of these questions not lead to the central point that you both are the problem and not some random woman who’ve you’ve made up in your mind is ruining your relationship?
During the first call, I wanted to put baby mama’s mind at ease so I was calm and friendly, as opposed to saying what I really wanted to, which was don’t nobody want this man! But crazy doesn’t always recognize logic, so by the third call it was clear this is simply what she does. And rather than leave a bad situation, both parties have chosen to suffer through it and drag along other innocent bystanders along the way, the most obvious of which are their children.
To people like this I say, if you have to do all this, it’s simply not worth it. It being the relationship you’re holding on to by a thread for the sake of the kids or to save money or because you think no one else will want you. At some point don’t you get tired of orchestrating drama? Is wondering who he’s with, what’ they’re doing, where he’s going, and when he’ll be back, not exhausting? And, most importantly, are you not embarrassed by your actions when you create these Tyler Perry-like scenarios every time he leaves the house without you and some other woman you called yourself confronting has to check the mess out of you and your entire life?
I don’t live like this and I don’t associate with folks who do. That’s why when Lee hit my friend up Monday (by email this time) to ask if he could hang with us again I promptly told her no. Then I had my aha moment: some fools never learn.
We’re continuing our chats with the cast members of Blood, Sweat And Heels and this week we spoke with local New Yorker Brie Blythewood. The former journalist turned real estate broker tells us about her move from non-profit work to corporate, her favorite designers and why she thinks the girls are over the top.
Check out what Brie had to say, and stay tuned each week for our chats with the rest of the cast!
StyleBlazer: So, how did you join the cast?
Brie Bythewood: I was approached through their production team and they had pitched me an amazing idea for a reality show. It sounded positive and wonderful. I wanted to participate and positively portray women in the workforce in a city like New York.
SB: You used to do journalism, so how did you transition to real estate?
BB: I was going to school in Boston studying broadcast journalism. Until this day, writing is still one of my biggest passions in life so I wanted to put it to the test and I ended up landing a job at Boston Magazine. I loved seeing my name written in a magazine on the masthead and articles with my name on it but I just had a bigger dream for my writing at that point in time and wanted it to mean something more. I started working for the U.S. Fund for UNICEF and I was doing the writing and editing. I became so enamored with the organization so I stayed with them for 5 years, but I realized I needed to leave because I didn’t want to sit in an office working for UNICEF – I wanted to make money where I could support organizations like UNICEF and other organizations. I wanted to feel like I was doing something more than just paperwork. So I started working with my family, it’s my brothers company and my dad is the CEO and I know the money I’m earning is going towards an organizations mission. Journalism is something that I still have in my heart and I pray I can get back to it at some point.
Read more of Brie’s role on ‘Blood, Sweat And Heels’ on StyleBlazer.com
Sometimes, no matter how much you warn people that what you’re about to say is weird and gross, it is not enough. Christina Milian absolutely made us scratch our heads with something she said on the Bethenny show earlier this week.
The singer and actress appeared on the show and, of course, she chatted it up about her fiancé, music executive Jas Prince. While talking about their relationship and the way they get along, Christina revealed:
“He’s a ton of fun we are like best friends, okay this sounds weird guys don’t get grossed out but we act like brother and sister where we are kind of like catty and annoying with each other…but we get it.”
Yes, it did sound a little weird (especially considering she also said it a few months ago in Vibe Vixen) but saying they’re like best friends? I get it. She called him catty though…that’s an interesting description.
Christina Milian also opened up a little more about the wedding saying that it’ll probably be a fairly big event because Jas has a huge family. But she is watching how big it actually gets because they have a house and bills that still need to be paid. Yes, be honest about it all!
Check out the videos from Christina’s appearance on Bethenny!
On she and Jas being like brother and sister:
On the wedding:
As the new year gets under way and you’re trying to proceed in a more positive direction by getting rid of people who aren’t good for you, try to not forget the people who are great. Yes, you should get rid of any toxic and dead weight people in your circle, but remember to cherish the amazing people who have been with you as well. Also, make sure that you fit this criteria of a great friend as well, and add what you feel is missing in the comment section.
Remember the adage: True friends are like diamonds/ Precious and rare. / Fake friends are like autumn leaves/ they’re found everywhere.”
So let’s celebrate our diamonds:
This Christmas, Tyler Perry is looking to make you double over with laughter and reflect on a timeless lesson. Perhaps both goals are achieved in his latest flick, A Madea Christmas, his eighth featuring the loud-mouth character we’ve come to love.
We caught up with the famed director to talk about the holiday season, what he’s getting Oprah for Christmas and if he’ll ever kill off Madea.
ESSENCE.com: Are you planning to give Oprah a special gift this year? Or anyone else?
PERRY: Nope, I gave her flowers last year for her birthday. This year she’s getting a small single rose and in a bottle. I’m going to buy it on a freeway in California and send it to her, that’s what she’s getting this year. Don’t tell her! I give Christmas gifts all year long. Everybody gets a Christmas gift. It comes every month for most people that I know.
ESSENCE.com: You have so many Madea movies under your belt. In a lot of ways her character seems immortal. Have you ever thought about bringing her character to a close or killing her off?
PERRY: I would never kill her off, but if people stopped coming to see Madea she would go away. She would go away very, very quickly because she’s not my favorite character to play. But, I do appreciate the joy that she brings to a lot of people. I’ve been trying to celebrate it within myself and enjoy the moment, enjoy the ride.
ESSENCE.com: Spike Lee recently said that he would like to work with you. In a perfect world, what would that project look like?
PERRY: You know, I don’t know. Spike has so much edge to his work. It would be very interesting. I’m totally intrigued at the thought and would love the idea of just being able to work with someone as brilliant as Spike. Maybe we will find the right project that speaks to what is true to him, while at the same time speaks to what is true to me at my core.
You can read more over on ESSENCE.com, including how Tyler Perry handles accepting scripts from up and coming writers. It looks like Madea is here to stay as long as she keeps bringing in dollars.
“You need friends,” my now ex-boyfriend blurted out one evening. I stared at the phone in disbelief. Surely, this could not be the man who once referred to me as his “best friend” saying this. I had just given him the rundown of my day during one of our nightly chats. Looking back, I can admit that I had informed him of all of the nitty gritty details of my day—including those details that would prompt most men to holler, “TMI!” and that most women would have sense enough to only share with a close female confidant. But we were best friends, so those rules didn’t apply, right? Life experience and better sense now tell me that my then-boyfriend referring to me as his “best friend” was only a cutesy way of expressing how close we’d grown; however, when I called him my BFF, I meant it in every sense of the word. To be perfectly honest, he was probably my only friend at the time.
I mean, once upon a time (i.e., prior to hooking up with him in the past) I had friends who I could call on and hold such conversations with, but I, like many women, began to neglect those friendships once ol’ boy came into the picture. Of course, we never set out with those intentions. Things usually start off innocent enough, but then cuddling up with your boo on a Friday night begins to sound a helluva lot more appealing than taking advantage of “ladies free before midnight” with the crew. Slowly, you begin to pass on more and more outings with the girls, until you turn around and realize you haven’t seen or spoken to them in days. Sadly, those days turn into weeks and those weeks, eventually, into months of not hanging out—totally unfair to them and you. The most obvious thing to consider is the fact that these were the people who were there for you way before Mr. Wonderful (or in my case, Mr. Not-so-wonderful) emerged on the scene and more than likely, they’ll be the ones to rally around you in the event that things don’t work out. Aside from that, in my opinion, maintaining outside friendships is also crucial to the prosperity of a healthy relationship. Love can be overpowering at times, and it’s pretty easy to lose yourself in a relationship. But real friends force you to remain true to who you are. They provide balance. They keep you grounded.
After being in the previously mentioned relationship for a substantial period of time, I found myself greatly resiting the urge to cling. After months of fighting this urge that seemed to come so naturally, I came to the painful realization that the life (and friends) that I had outside of our relationship, had somehow been drowned out by the waves of our “honeymoon” phase. Needless to say, the relationship did not last. And in addition to piecing my heart back together, I had to put my life back together.
Thankfully, this was a lesson that I only needed to be taught once before I got the message. A new romance can be wondrous, thrilling and downright breathtaking, but in the midst of all of that excitement, don’t forget about the other important people in your life: your girls. A healthy balancing act between your pals and you boo isn’t always easy and in many cases, it requires conscious effort, but it’s certainly worth it in the long run.
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @jazminedenise.
To say that many of us were shocked to hear about Paul Walker’s death is an understatement. As confirmation began to spread, celebrities and fans expressed their sadness and disbelief about this tragedy; by all accounts, Paul Walker seemed like a great guy offscreen.
But for his second family, the cast and crew of The Fast & the Furious franchise, the news has hit them on a deeper level. They were just starting to wrap up on the seventh installment and with the much time being spent over the last 12 years, the relationships become more than just “co-workers.”
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson” took to Twitter to express his sadness regarding Paul Walkers death:
James Wan, the director of The Fast & the Furious 7, was understandably in a state of disbelief:
“Your humble spirit was felt from the start, wherever you blessed your presence you always left a mark, we were like brothers & our birthdays are only 1 day apart, now You will forever hold a place in all our hearts @paulwalker legacy will live on forever. R.I.P.”
Vin Diesel added:
“Brother I will miss you very much. I am absolutely speechless. Heaven has gained a new Angel. Rest in Peace.”
Tyrese’s reaction really encompassed what everyone who knew him seemed to be feeling:
“My heart is hurting so bad no one cam make me believe this is real Father God I pray that you send clarity over this cause I just don’t undertsand My heart hurts it’s broken no one can convince me that this is real…Prayer warriors please pray real hard for his only child, his daughter, and family…#HeartOfAnAngel13YrsFamilyForeverWeJustCelebratedYour40thBirthday…My God…My God…I can’t believe I’m writing this”
He also posted a picture of a recent text message conversation and as part of the caption, Tyrese added, “At least I got to say I love you…”
Walker’s co-stars from Takers also reacted to the news:
T.I.: “I’m shocked & saddened to find that the world has lost such a great spirited person. Paul Walker was not only a passionate, talented actor, he was also a sincere man with a genuine personality, that filled a room immediately upon introduction. My family’s hearts & prayers is extended to his family, especially his daughter. He will never be forgotten. May he rest in peace. #RIPPAULWALKER”
Idris Elba: “I’m Heart broken Paul Walker, he was a mate of mine, very sad. My heart goes out to his daughter.”
Michael Ealy: “My heart is crushed by the news that my friend Paul Walker passed away today. Prayers and light to his daughter and family right now.”
We will update you if any other information becomes available about this terrible tragedy. Gone Too Soon: Actors Who Died While Filming A Movie Or TV Show
After rumors began running rampant that TLC had been dropped from Epic Records soon after their television movie aired and the debacle with Pebbles was reignited, the president of Epic, L.A. Reid has finally spoken out.
After keeping quiet for much of the week about the rumors, LA Reid finally chose to make a statement about TLC’s status on Twitter late Friday afternoon.
So that pretty much shuts down that rumor. But the problem is that they were taken down from the Epic Records website and now that it has been noticed, the girls have been added back to the list of Epic artists. So while LA’s tweet was all lilies and roses, something was certainly going on behind the scenes. Website pages, especially not one of the biggest selling girl group of all time, don’t just magically disappear and then reappear after people start talking.
So we guess the TLC album is still being released by Epic Records for now and LA Reid wants everyone to know that he isn’t beefing (even if his ex-wife pretty much threw him in the mix) with Chilli and T-Boz.
As usual, we’re still watching this because something tells me this story is far from over.
When you’re happily in a relationship, you can’t help but want the same thing for your friends! But just because your love life is working out, doesn’t mean you’re an expert on dating advice. There are some things that will offend your single friend more than help her.
Occasionally, friendships can be very tricky to maneuver, but anything worth having is worth the extra effort, right? It seems that for longevity in a friendship is not just based on proximity (I’m still great friends with people who have moved to South Africa, and hours away from my current location), the recipe is simply communication. Instead of sitting and simmering when your friend upsets you, you should address it. Friendships end more often due to unspoken words, or worse, words spoken from repressed anger. It seems as though if people would just talk, and be open with each other, then there’s nothing that a friendship wouldn’t be able to survive.
But let me ask you something, readers, if your friend falsely accused you of something horrible, could you forgive them? I ask this because occasionally I’ll watch a DVR’d episode of Maury with my mother (guilty pleasure, don’t judge me), and there will be cases where a woman (and sometimes a man) will accuse their significant other and best friend of sleeping with each other. Sometimes it turns out to be true, and sometimes the friend is an innocent bystander that got unfairly drug into a dysfunctional relationship’s baggage.
Now in my bizarre journey through life, this is something that I’ve never encountered. But I always wondered, would I be able to forgive a friend that would think so lowly of me and how I take our friendship?
In normal life, we don’t have access to a lie detector test, or free DNA testing. All we have is our word, and the knowledge that what’s done in darkness will come to light. So, you wait and hope that your innocence can be illuminated. But after the dust settles, would you want that platonic “old thang” back?
I believe that most things can be salvaged by communication and introspection, and with a situation like this, these are the things that are worth considering.
Why would she even accuse me?
Relationships, particularly dysfunctional ones, can become a power struggle. Sometimes, in moments of maintaining control, one partner might start planting seeds in your friend about you. Maybe (s)he begins complimenting you to your friend, or even using downgrading language to her about why she can’t be more like you. There could even be times that your mate’s partner will make their attraction to you known to him/her. Sometimes it’s because they want to infuse jealousy in your partner, sometimes they want to begin to break close ties to isolate them, and sometimes it’s both. But your friend could be a victim of manipulation that causes them to question you, instead of looking at the person who’s pointing fingers.
Did I do something to warrant this accusation?
I am very pro-be-yourself, but at the same time, things should be pulled back when it comes to someone’s relationship. Sure you noticed that your friend’s mate has been going to the gym. A simple compliment shouldn’t be a big deal, but gushing over “how great” the mate looks, might have your friend giving you the side-eye. So is trying to be their partner in a group game (Spades, anyone?), or maintaining inappropriate communication with their mate. (Kenya, anyone?)
If you are a naturally flirty person, there are times, places, and people to do that with, and your friend’s mate is not one of them. No matter how harmless you feel like it is, or how your friendship should know that that’s just how you are, you should also respect your friend enough to not make them begin to question your behavior.
Where do we go from here?
Personally, I would be impressed if after a person was able to prove their innocence, a friendship could go back as if nothing ever happened. If you’ve been able to do this, please share your story, so that we may bask in your friendship’s overwhelming maturity. But for others, that accusation just entered their union into an uncomfortable territory that might be hard to get back out of. Once the smoke settles, and you’re looking at each other awkwardly, what are your next steps?
Communication. Find out what was going on in your friend’s head to even make him/her consider you as a possible homewrecker. Sometimes when people are too in their own minds, and don’t allow themselves to have an outlet or sounding board, minute things begin to magnify to them. Have an open conversation and try to get to the bottom of what fueled the whole thing.
But, at the end of the day, it’s all up to you if you decide that keeping this friendship is worth it. Friendships are definitely worth having, but so is your own peace of mind.
So tell me, dear readers, how would you handle a situation like this? If you have, how did you deal with it?
Kendra Koger can be caught occasionally watching Maury, and occasionally on twitter @kkoger.