All Articles Tagged "friendship"
As many of you have been, I’ve been watching “Real Housewives of Atlanta” this season and have witnessed Cynthia plant trees and develop clouds that are throwing shade like no one’s business. There’s a lot of discussion about this “new Cynthia,” but honestly, she’s not new. The Cynthia that you’re seeing now is the result of holding in too much stuff.
Just like when you add baking soda and vinegar, or lye to your hand, suppressed emotions can cause an extreme reaction that might even be painful to you and others. This is what I think is going on with Cynthia.
Like I’ve said before, I don’t know Cynthia and Nene personally. All I know is what I’ve seen on the multiple seasons, and with that information we see how Cynthia’s main story line so far is about her broken friendship with Nene. Every time she sits down to talk to someone, she’s discussing how Nene has wronged her in the past, was rude to her if she didn’t agree with her, and how Nene’s mean spirited behavior ultimately drove her away.
Some people think that Cynthia is doing this to ensure her spot on RHOA, but I don’t think so. I think that these are the thoughts, feelings and opinions that Cynthia has felt for a very long time, but didn’t utter them because she held out hope for the friendship.
We’ve all seen how Nene can sometimes loud-talk her way into winning an argument, and we’ve seen how Cynthia can quiet herself down to keep the peace. Those two things together can allow the quieter person to feel resentment. There’s a feeling of how one person always feel free to express their displeasure with things in life, but you can’t.
This is why you need to SPEAK UP when things happen! A lot of times people think that they are just keeping the peace, when in actuality they are just keeping themselves and their feelings in bondage. After a while, just like when you shake up a canned/bottled soda, things can explode.
So if the friendship is finally over, why is Cynthia still talking about it? Because Cynthia has had years of repressed animosity. Cynthia has probably felt like she was walking on egg shells during her friendship with Nene, while Nene could sashay freely all over the friendship. The words that we’re hearing now are the words that Cynthia probably rehearsed to say, but never did. These were the talking points that she would go over in her head as she went on being fabulous, but the moment she saw Nene, and Nene smiled at her, she probably thought: “Well, was it really that serious? She probably didn’t mean for it to come off how it did, and maybe I’m being too sensitive?” So she swallowed her words and decided that the next time she would speak up, but she never did.
How do I know this? I don’t, but I do know that this is what I used to do. I would try to not rock the boat with best friends and family members. However, I usually ended up feeling like I was in a one-sided union. These people had the freedom to express whatever they wanted to about me, my life, or the things that annoyed them, while I felt like I had to quiet myself down to keep the peace. Then, when the relationship finally went sour, that’s when it was like vomit, unpleasant to witness and hard to be around.
Then I would proceed to finally let all of the frustrations that I had against that person out and it took a very long time too.
It wasn’t until I started just addressing things when they happened in college that my relationships got better. There wasn’t that underlining feeling of resentment, and when someone made me angry, I was only angry at that isolated incident, instead of a stream of situations that had happened.
So to you, dear readers, it’s going to be hard if this is something that you struggle with. Believe me, even though I’m more vocal with expressing things, I still find myself struggling with trying to express my displeasure with the more sensitive people in my life. However, I know that it would be better to express how I feel, have them mad at me now, than me going completely off and ending a meaningful relationship.
Friendships are like bridges, it could take months to build, but one swift blow can tear it down. If it’s a relationship that you cherish, you owe it to your friend/family and even yourself to speak your mind. It’s not right for you to have to silence yourself for other people.
Also, when the shoe is on the other foot and someone wants to express their displeasure with you, remember to be open to the criticism, because it could be what could save your friendship.
Kendra Koger has been speaking up and tweeting @kkoger.
Having your best friend date someone you can’t stand is a very sticky situation. You want to support your friend, but what does support even mean in that instance? Does it mean being nice to her new boyfriend? Or does it mean telling your friend you think the guy is bad news? Here’s how to deal when you find yourself thinking, “I hate my friend’s boyfriend!” every single day.
You’re hardheaded, she’s hardheaded and it’s why you got along — but when you fall out it feels like it’s going to be forever. If the friendship’s worth saving working on how you apologize could be enough to patch things up.
It’s The Way You Say It
Sometimes it’s hard to brush the salt off of an apology before you hand it over — especially if you’re still sort of mad. Take a page from Aaliyah’s book and write her a four-page letter. Sometimes it’s easier to get around your emotions when you put it on paper.
Before I was a writer by profession, I was a writer by choice. My mother bought me a diary at seven years old and I still keep one today. Reading my old diaries is fas-cin-a-ting. But the stuff didn’t really start getting juicy (and hilarious and embarrassing) until around middle school. Reading my 7th grade diary today, it was clear that I was learning some very crucial life lessons. Very crucial. And while I thought I’d mastered them in middle school, life has a way of retesting you. Here are the lessons I (and most of us) learned in middle school and learned again in our twenties…or later.
My relationship with my best friend is a bit unorthodox. After all, she’s a woman and that can tend to make the women I date a bit uncomfortable. It’s something that I’ve had to work through for years and it’s definitely not something I haven’t overcome before. In fact, the women I date soon find out that the overwhelming majority of my friends are females and they have to make peace with that — or not. I don’t know how this happened but I can only guess that being raised by a single mother, a grandmother, and single aunts placed me in several circumstances where I was surrounded by women. My second guess would be that after joining a black Greek lettered organization, my need for making male friends outside of the organization was reduced.
Whatever the case may be as far as the development of my inner circle, women who find themselves in relationships with men who have close female friends — without knowing all the details — get suspicious. I’m not a woman and I can’t speak for all of you but let’s say “women’s intuition” really exists and is a supernatural power that all women possess to be able to sniff out a woman after her man. Let’s say that men are inherently naïve when it comes to their female friends and while they may think the relationship is platonic, the girl friend is secretly waiting for the right time to pounce. Even if that’s all well (or not) and true, it’s important not to worry about something that isn’t happening. I’m not saying you should turn a blind eye, I’m just saying, you shouldn’t worry about things that haven’t happened. The only way that situation will play itself out is with the woman looking jealous or insecure: Two traits that are shortly followed by unattractiveness and eventual breakup.
I can tell you from firsthand experience that at a certain point in life and your relationship with your female friends, the relationship reaches a platonic level that cannot be overcome. At that point, it’s really off-putting when you’re accused of wanting to be with them or it’s suggested that they want to be with you. It’s not that I don’t find my female friends to be beautiful or great people, it’s just that I’m not attracted to them. Trust me, I’m typically the last one to know when a mutual male friend of mine is trying to get at them but I always understand why once I find out.
Here’s another reason you probably want to exercise chill when it comes to his female friends; they’re probably closer to him than you are from the onset. Over time you may become closer to him than they are, but that relationship and closeness takes time. If you go into the dating/relationship phase suspicious of the women in his life right away, they’ll have his ear more than you. Also, understand that a man rarely will choose the unknown over the known. Meaning, he has his friends and they’ve likely been there for him for a long time. He’s not going to throw all that away for a relationship with a woman that may not work out in the long run.
Lastly, it’s really on the guy to be concerned about his friendships with women outside of his romantic relationship. Every guy handles it different but it’s his cross to bear. He may see them less, talk to them less or even pull away from them. Or, he may not change a thing at all. It’s important that he dictate that relationship instead of his significant other. For me, it’s important that I maintain my relationship with my best friend but I’m also very quick to inform my significant other of her presence and role in my life. It’s been years that I’ve had this best friend and I go to her for a lot; that’s not going to change overnight. Any woman I date should know this and let it be my concern, not hers.
You’re never really single as long as your BFF is around. You go on dates, know you’re soul mates who are in it to the very end, and deep down you know that while relationships are great, sometimes BFFs are better.
It Was Love At First Sight
From the very first time you hung out, you knew you were going to have a roll dog for life.
Tis the season for reality TV besties to kiss and make up? A few weeks ago, we told you that former “Basketball Wives” star Evelyn Lozada expressed a desire to patch things up with friend-turned-foe, Jennifer Williams. Now, it seems that Cynthia Bailey is also ready to bury the hatchet and move forward with ex-friend, NeNe Leakes.
“It’s a friendship,” Cynthia told the QC Scene. “We had a rough patch and I’m really looking forward to moving forward with her. I will always have love for NeNe regardless of whether we’re besties or not.”
As for whether or not a reconciliation will actually happen, Cynthia encouraged fans to tune in for the new season to find out.
“You just have to watch the show to see how the dynamics of our relationship, friendship has changed and evolved,” she said.
Nene recently spoke to us about her friendship with Cynthia and has this to say:
“Cynthia I honestly had a real friendship with her. I don’t know where all this is coming from. But it was sorted out on season 7 for all of your guys to see. But I must say I feel like I’m a great friend to everybody who’s really been a friend in my life.”
It’ll be interesting to see whether or not a reconciliation will actually occur, as NeNe has stated in recent months that she and the model-turned-reality-star’s friendship is a dead issue.
“I think that’s a done deal for me. I think that our friendship was great,” she told Us Weekly. “I feel like I was a great friend to her, I honestly think she was a great friend for me, I just think that our friendship has come to an end. It’s run its course.”
Do you think Cynthia and NeNe should give their friendship another try?
Like romantic relationships, it bothers me when people demand behavior from others that they don’t even exhibit themselves. In a world where we’re quick to call “friend” anyone who likes more than two of our Facebook posts, I’m convinced that most of us wouldn’t recognize a friend if it were Courtney Cox or Jennifer Aniston starring in a 90’s sitcom. Worst yet, we spend so much time trying to figure out who are true friends are, that we don’t take time to see if we’re being one ourselves.
Friendship isn’t about sharing outdated memories on-line when Facebook reminds you it’s your old roommate’s birthday. It’s about truly caring about the well-being of someone DNA says you’re technically not obligated to. Here are 11 signs that you’re playing your part:
Yesterday, we told you that K. Michelle called out her former friend, Elle Varner, on Instagram over an apparent disagreement about style-jacking and writer credits. In case you missed it, K took to Instagram thew a bit of shade regarding a photograph of Elle and rapper Meek Mills, which was uploaded on Instagram.
“People be smiling in the pictures not knowing they getting dissed in the caption. HA! You definitely need a REFILL as thirsty as you are. Jokes on you and you didn’t even know it!” K wrote over the weekend in an Instagram photo message that was later removed.
“I hope you get attention from that cuz you sure don’t get it from your music,” she captioned the image.
During a recent chat with The Jasmine Brand, Elle commented on her ex-friend’s actions and it doesn’t appear that she’ll be mud-slinging with the former “Love & Hip Hop Atlanta” star.
“That’s unfortunate that she feels the way that she feels. I don’t. I never have. That’s something—I can’t. I don’t do drama.”
As for K’s claims that Meek was clowning her in the photo’s caption, which read “#nocurvezone” Elle says:
“If anyone remembers the Meek Mill drama and me saying I curved him. That was my first time seeing him since and we laughed it off. It was funny. It got taken out of proportion Whatever she took from that is not my problem.”
Elle also responded to K. Michelle insisting that she wrote her single, “Cold Case.”
“I wrote ‘Cold Case.’ Sorry, I have to say that. No one else did. I solely wrote that song.”
Well, that’s that.
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise
Are you irritable? Tired all the time? Or just plain unhappy? Before you see a doctor it could be time to self-diagnose a toxic friendship.
You’re Dimming Your Light
She says she’s happy for you, but you can tell she’s not. So instead of shouting your good news, you play it off as no big deal so she won’t get upset. Instead of putting up with rain on your parade, it might be time to shine in a sky with fewer clouds.