All Articles Tagged "friends"
Morris Chestnut and Luenell? You would be surprised to know which celebrities call one another friends. Did you know these stars were close?
Born Again Virgin Chronicles: I Told Him I Was Celibate And He Pulls The “Let’s Be Friends” Line…What Do I Do Now?
On my journey through celibacy I’ve met some pretty interesting men. Some have been great conversationalists, others have been cool to hang out with and many quickly proved to be strictly entertainment. While dating, I wasn’t expecting to meet “Mr. Right” right away, but I did meet someone who surprisingly piqued my curiosity for a brief moment. We met on a popular dating website, which was a bit uncomfortable for me initially as it was my first time using the Internet as an aid in finding the right guy. But then I thought to myself, “What could it hurt?”
He made the first move by sending a very subtle message inquiring more about myself. I replied, answering his questions and following up with a few of my own. This Internet-based pattern of conversation continued for a couple of weeks. Before we actually made a voice to voice connection, we continued emailing just to get a little more comfortable with each other. After about another week we swapped numbers, called each other and started down a path on what I thought would be the beginning of a great relationship.
Night after night and day after day, we talked and had some of the greatest conversations about any and everything we could think of. We even discovered we had a lot of things in common from beliefs to food to hobbies. As time passed our discussions became longer and more in-depth; we found ourselves liking one another more and more. With each conversation, thoughts of how I would break the news of my celibacy to him lingered in the back of my mind. Once again, I had no idea how I would approach the topic. I often wondered if I should bring it up like I did with my son’s father or wait until he brings up sex. But no matter how it would come about, I had to fill him in on my decision and deal with his reaction sooner or later. One night it happened – we had the “talk.” While partaking in our usual chat, laughing and enjoying the moment – the subject of sex came up. He asked when was the last time I had sex, and I told him that it had been a while because I was practicing celibacy.
As I expected, there was a long pause. “You’re doing what? Oh yeah, we’re just gonna be friends because I don’t think you can have a good relationship without having sex,” he replied. After hearing his response I thought, “Wow, you should have just hung up on me!” Instead I told him, “Okay that’s fine.” After dropping the celibacy bomb, the flow and feel of the conversation drastically changed. Things suddenly became stiff. I could tell he wasn’t expecting to hear my news and didn’t quite know how to handle it. We struggled to keep the conversation flowing and it ended shortly after. When we hung up I wondered if I would ever hear from him again. How would he would react if we did keep in contact? I sat in deep meditation for a while pondering my decision. “If we speak again, great, but if we don’t that’s fine too,” I said to myself.
The next day I was expecting him to call at the time he normally would on any other day. To my dismay – but not surprise – I didn’t hear from him. I decided to give him a call, and his phone went straight to voicemail. That was the last time I heard his voice. I was a little disturbed by this, but I then I realized this was a good thing for me. Why, you may ask? Because I found out early on what he truly wanted from me and my time wasn’t wasted. Am I saying that he didn’t want a monogamous relationship with me? Not at all. However, one thing is for sure: sex was a major factor and he would have been expecting it sooner than later. Oh well, another one bites the dust.
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? a motivational speaker, and an advocate for single women who encourages them to live their best single lives God’s way! Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin, and ask her any question you want to know about her journey through celibacy.
Who says single and married friends don’t mix? After a big lifestyle change, all relationships need a little maintenance. Here are a few reasons to put in the extra effort to keep your friendships alive.
We all need a supersized dose of reality sometimes. And there’s no one better at giving it to you than your best friend for life. Here are super honest things you can only get away with saying to your BFF.
I am nothing without my friends.
Do I love my parents? Of course. Mommy and daddy are my source: the originators, the seed-suppliers. Do I love the rest of my family? You betcha. They are the sun and water, the soil from which I’ve found nourishment.
But my friends keep me growing healthily, beautifully, and strongly. They are the plant food, weed cutters, insect repellant, and the terra cotta clay pot that adorns me and allows me to sit and sprout comfortably.
If I am deeply rooted, it’s because of my family. If I am wildly blooming, it’s because of my friends.
Now, I could keep waxing horticulturally about friendship, or I could just get to the damn point, which is this: It’s not that my friends trump my family, but I find truth in the theory that friends are the family we choose.
Lately, I’ve been compiling a list of “Friends Every Woman Should Have” based on my own friends and what they bring to my life. My list is up to around 20 or so entries, including #12: The #GirlBye Friend. The #GirlBye Friend will happily and unapologetically (and sometimes, quite literally) put her dirty feet on your white couch. You should try really hard not to flinch when she does this, because it’s good to have a reality check to let you know that your so-called precious stuff isn’t so precious to everybody.
From time to time, I might share other snippets from that list. (Or maybe I won’t. You tell me if you dig the idea or not.)
In the meantime, please allow me to to offer this soaring appraisal for Friend Every Woman Should Have #3: The Master Plan Friend.
She isn’t necessarily a wizard with a to-do list or a business plan, but she will sit with you and help you develop both of those things, if that’s what you need. She will take notes while you talk out your book idea or brand platform.
She’s the first person to tell you your grand idea is good, and the first person to help you rein in your grand idea so it can be more distinct and effective. (She might say something like, “That’s a chapter, not a whole book.”)
And if you’re the one who usually does the reining in, then she will be play the grand thinker, making sure you’re not selling yourself short or cutting yourself off at the knees. (You say: “I want to post a video to Facebook.” She says: “You should create a YouTube Channel!”)
The Master Plan Friend dreams for you and with you. And when you talk about your dreams with her, you’re not just “I’mma do, I’mma get, I’mma be”-ing all over the place. This is real talk. Focused. Practical yet powerful. When you and The Master Plan Friend get together it’s like a conference call or a boardroom meeting. There are notes taken, phones are silenced, and there’s coffee or tea–but not alcohol. It’s serious business. The two of you are actively thinking through how to plot your dream-to-reality journey. And, lucky you, this friend is just as invested in the journey as you are.
The Master Plan Friend, however, can’t do the work for you. She’s not supposed to. It’s unfair of her to. Keep her tasks very simple, if she has any at all. Actually, I don’t think you should ask her for anything but to show up for your “meetings.” In whatever ways she helps you, let it just be in-person. You will be tempted to give The Master Plan Friend homework and things to do between pow wows. The Master Plan Friend may even volunteer to take on tasks, but don’t let her. Trust me, she doesn’t really have the time. She has her own master plan that she’s working on too. But keep her involved in your plan. The Master Plan friend provides an invaluable glimpse into how your master plan will come together. You need that insight and encouragement.
The Master Plan Friend is not your business partner. She’s not your second-in-command. She’s the person on whom you bounce ideas, and the person who gets neither too impressed nor too unimpressed with the ideas you present. She thinks you’re brilliant, yes, but she’s levelheaded even about that.
The Master Plan Friend gives you chills. When you get around this friend and the two of you get to dreaming out loud, you get that wonderfully terrifying “Wait! Maybe I can really do this after all” feeling.
And that’s a damn winner of a feeling, right there. That’s the feeling we get before we fly. If you don’t have a friend like this, one who makes you feel like anything really is possible, you need to get one. Trust me.
As a fan of the BET series Being Mary Jane, I was eager for season 2 to begin and see what adventures await MJ in the love department. After all, at the end of season 1 we discovered that her true love was having a baby with someone else. Now, that she has discovered it as well this season, I was curious to see how she’d react knowing that the man she thought would one day be her husband is now off-limits to her. At the end of this past week’s episode, rather than wallow in her sorrows after he was playing with her emotions, she called her cut buddy and let it all out on him. Oh my! Didn’t see that one coming…but hey, when you can’t get with the one you love…
What I found amusing was she actually had him listed in her phone as her “cut buddy.” Urban Dictionary defines a “cut buddy” as the following:
cut buddy – noun
A person who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend with whom you have sexual relations, on the mutual understanding that you want sex and nothing more. 2. A sex partner to whom you have no special attachment. A person you occasionally have sex with.
Now, you could also call him your “jumpoff” or your “f*&k buddy.” Same thing right? Whatever you call it, there are benefits to having such a person in your life. Whether it’s not wanting to be alone that night, feeling unwanted or unloved, or simply feeling horny, as long as you are two consenting adults then roll with it. As a woman, there are times when our body wants what we know our mind doesn’t. He’s the fine Mandingo with the brain the size of a peanut. He’s hot as hell, a nice guy perhaps and you like him JUST enough to give him some. You think he’s adorable, but maybe intellectually or emotionally lacking. He may be great, but he may be too young…you know, like the intern. You don’t want to date him or bring him around your friends or family…ever. But the chemistry between you is electric. You want the lovin’, but no strings attached. Do you deny yourself? What do you do? That’s up to you, but if you decide to make him your cut buddy…then here are the rules:
Rule #1: Be honest about what you want upfront – with yourself and each other. Negotiating a long-term, friends-with-benefits type situation can be tricky for some ladies. Men are seemingly born knowing how to detach emotions from sex – I think it’s in their DNA. Some can spend a whole night with you, then trip over you the next day and not even recognize you. But women can have a harder time of it. Some women wind up feeling used or like they’re promiscuous. I realize it’s a double standard, but if you’re uncomfortable with it, don’t do it. Man or woman, make sure you BOTH know upfront that it’s all about sex and nothing else. That way neither will feel like they’re being used by the other.
Rule #2: It ain’t about “We.” Avoid using pronouns like “us” or “we,” and all talk of plans further into the future than the hour it takes him to get to your place is not allowed.
Rule #3: No meals together. Acceptable dining situations include maybe a bowl of cereal in the morning before he bounces…or maybe a late-night grilled cheese or some Hot Pockets (3 minutes in the microwave) after the deed is done. Meals to be avoided are breakfast, brunch, dinner, or any other setting where you actually have to talk to each other at length. Speaking of talking…
Rule #4: Limit conversation. In this past week’s episode, MJ’s cut buddy asked her if she was okay and even followed up by saying, “you know I can actually talk.” MJ simply responded with “I’m good.” Good girl. She knows that any questions any more probing than “do you have condoms?” and “how fast can you get here?” can get a little sticky. Your jumpoff shouldn’t want to hear about your day, who pissed you off at work, or how cute your nephew is. Keep it light and keep it moving.
Rule #5: This probably goes without saying, but no socializing outside of the bedroom. He doesn’t meet your friends, you don’t meet his. That goes double for family members. The best thing about having a jumpoff is that he’s your dirty little secret.
Sex with no strings can get tricky if you’re not honest about what you want. It’s easy for one of you to catch feelings, so keeping those rules in mind should help you avoid that. Even if you’re in love with someone else, as in the case of Mary Jane, don’t think that your cut buddy can confuse your emotions even more. While having a jumpoff may help ease the pain of a broken heart, it’s no substitute for true healing, so tread lightly…and be safe.
Him: Babe, This is my Homegirl,
You: Oh. Hey.
Everybody wants to be the cool girlfriend, but then paranoia sets in. No matter how secure or “cool with it” we pretend to be, these are the overreactions we’ve all had when we finally meet the man of our dreams… and his female BFF.
Are there any bad apples hiding out in your group? These celebrities found out they were suffering from a serious case of frenemies when their former friends nearly ended their careers.
Shonda Rhimes gave her friend Katherine Heigl fame when she cast her in the hit show Grey’s Anatomy. Katherine Heigl returned the favor by withdrawing her 2008 Emmy nomination for the show and telling the Acadamey that Shonda’s writing wasn’t worthy of it (even though she won an Emmy for Grey’s Anatomy the year before).
Shonda Rhimes responded by moving on to the next hit show. Katherine’s career has struggled ever since.
Scroll down your feed for 30 seconds and you’ll find most of these Instagram friends filling up you’re page. They get on our nerves, make us laugh and they’re the reason we check our feed even before we get out of bed.
Your Single-est Friend
Who gives daily
hints to her single male followers helpful lessons on “how to be a good woman.” Because apparently she’s an expert.
Celebrity life isn’t all make-ups and break-ups. These celebrity best friends are some of Hollywood’s longest-lasting couples. But what we want to know is, which BFF pair are you?
Beyonce Knowles And Gwyneth Paltrow
The Unexpected Twosome: We don’t know that we would have paired the 33-year-old chart-topper and 42-year-old A-list actress to be celebrity besties for life. But sometimes the best friendships form just when you’re not expecting them.