All Articles Tagged "friends"
I will begin by saying we do not have enough time to give this topic justice so I most likely will have to return to it in a few weeks in order to exhaust the topic in detail. But for now, here goes.
The issue of friends and what role they play in a relationship is one that is complicated/not complicated and filled with what you should do/what you will do. It makes perfect sense too. When I first got the note to touch on this topic it was attached to a story about a guy who was upset that a girl he was dating was sharing the details of their relationship in its embryonic phase. Let me be clear, when I say embryonic, I mean like the first few months before there are titles involved. As I read this, I cringed myself. I cringed because I’ve been turned off by similar actions too. I’ve wanted to almost end things immediately because I tend to live by a strict dating policy, “Stop telling everybody your damn business.” I fully understood why that guy was upset but I also understood why someone would not think it was a big deal.
Here’s why it’s complicated:
It’s complicated because when you don’t talk to your friends about your life is typically when you end up so far out there that it’s very hard to reign you back in. For example, I remember telling a friend this, “You get yourself in situations that you can’t even tell your friends about because you know your A$$ ain’t got NO business doing what you doing.” And that’s when it gets dark and in that case, I would say it’s complicated but it’s a good idea to tell your friends about your relationship.
Prime example: You keeping it under the wraps that the guy you’re dating is technically still married and in the process of a divorce.
Reason why you need to tell your friends: Because someone has to be the logical one to tell you that you should wait until he’s divorced to start dating him.
Here’s why it’s not complicated:
You actually know that your friends will interfere with your relationship in the name of your feelings and saying that it’s on your behalf. If you had to pick between sharing with your friends and not sharing with your friends, the easy option is to not share because it reduces risk. Going back to the example that I shared, your friends will make that situation complicated, not you, not the guy you are dating, not anyone else but your friends. They fail to realize that you’ve already decided what to do; they just need to learn how to be supportive instead of intrusive.
What you should do:
Easier said than done, but the best solution is to be able to share information with your friends without telling them all your business. You should find a way to share information about yourself but not the other person. I’ll tell you why. As I told the last young lady I was dating who did this, “I reserve the right to disclose information about my life, myself.” The point is, when you share information about the guy you’re dating or the relationship that you’re in with your friends you’re putting his business out on the streets too.
What you will do:
You’re going to share information with your friends; much of it is likely to be information that was best kept to yourself and your significant other. As a man, I had to get to the point where I was comfortable with this happening and also realizing that it is not a woman issue, but it’s a people issue. Men tell their boys stuff too, we just do it differently. (I’m going to carefully leave this alone because we don’t have the time today.) Because you will share information about your relationship with your friends and they will play a big role in your dating/relationships, just focus on how to do it healthy. Be very aware of what you should do and what you will do and know the difference. There’s nothing you can do to stop doing what you feel is right even if it’s not right to anyone else, but you can work on consistently being in the interest of doing it the right way.
From Hello Beautiful
Growing up, the only thing that could separate me and my best friends Alexis and Shavon from hanging out was being put on punishment by our mothers. Aside from that, all three of us were tied at the hip, oftentimes walking home from school and then getting on the phone later that night to discuss how fineStephán Urkél was or was going on between Dawson and Joey on the latest episode of “Dawson’s Creek.”
Things began to change when boys started getting our attention, but nonetheless, we made adjustments as girls and still maintained our relationship. In some cases, we became closer than ever when we learned those hard lessons only young love can teach you. But somewhere after college and the introduction to the real world, I realized having adult relationships would prove to be as daunting as a full-time job.
For the record, as a woman, having a solid core of female friends is not only important, it’s a lifeline. My friends provide different perspectives and oftentimes hard truths that I need to hear. However, with an aggressive work week that far exceeds 40 hours, coupled with an unrelenting fire and ambition that equates to long hours on the computer far past 5pm, sometimes picking up the phone to say ‘hey girl,’ is exhausting.
I know that sounds selfish at best, and lazy at worst, but it’s honest. It does not mean I love my girls any less. I have very few friends that understand that I can indeed love them from a distance, as well as love them sporadically, without becoming offended. These 20s that I am living in are the most detrimental years to my life and my career.
Read more at HelloBeautiful.com
She woke before the birds and the sun, your mother. She wandered to the kitchen, slipped on an apron, and she began to work. Her hands were busy: basting the ever-baking turkey, peeling and mashing the potatoes, boiling and cheesing the macaroni, and skinning and candying the yams. The stuffing, cornbread, cranberry sauce, salmon, ham, collard greens, and sweet potato pie yet to be completed and on the family table, but she would somehow have it all prepared by 4 p.m. She turned the kitchen into a workshop. And, when you and your siblings were a bit older, you joined her, helping to bring ease to the brave task of having to prepare a vast meal for a large family. She would share her recipes with humor as she overwhelmed the house with rich flavor. And, about six or seven hours after, the separate ingredients will have transformed into a generous meal. Long hours of preparation gives way to decadent consumption, and you and your family sit down for a grand meal, sampling everything that was made, filling yourselves with food and conversation until you feel too swollen to move.
However, this year, you can’t make it home –perhaps for the first time ever–for a number of reasons, including being broke or too busy. You’ve found yourself in a different city or different country, and you’re DEVASTATED about the fact that you won’t get the chance to eat your mother’s five-star pie or your sister’s incomparable eggplant Parmesan. That’s my story. But don’t fret. While it’s evident that you can’t enjoy the fine eats or familial company, there are ways to cope with spending the holiday away from home. Here’s what I’ve figure out.
You Can’t Go to Your Family, So Bring Your Family to You (Kinda Of)
Since you’ll be apart from your family for Thanksgiving, consider setting up your computer and turn on the video chat if you’re feeling lonely. You can prepare a meal virtually, alongside your family, while you converse with one another. Or, simply set up chat when it’s time for dinner. Your family members can place the computer at the end of the dinner table, and you can experience all the drama, love and confusion that’s associated with any family gathering.
Have a Good Network of Friends
There’s no feeling quite like being completely alone on a national holiday, particularly one that’s family-oriented. So, if you’re forced to be away from your family on such a day, look to friends. Look to the people around you and reach out…even if you might feel embarrassed. There’s no shame in not wanting to be alone–and friends will comfort you with food, fun and drinks to make up for the fact that your family isn’t around. Chances are, they’re celebrating without their clan too. Together, you and your friends can collaborate to make a lavish meal, potentially saving yourselves money and time.
Learn To Create New Traditions
Thanksgiving can be fulfilling, just as it can be exhausting. The good thing about being an adult and away from traditional obligations is to that you can make traditions of your own. Forgo the usual Thanksgiving turkey and take advantage of the day off of work in a different way. Grab a friend and explore your city, grab lunch at a great sushi place, grab early bird drink specials, and go shopping. Contrary to popular belief, not every store is closed, and a lot of them are kicking off their Black Friday sales early. Also, if you have a serious need for Thanksgiving cuisine and you don’t want to cook, there are a few restaurants that have carry out Thanksgiving food: Bob Evans, Boston Market, Buca di Beppo Italian Restaurants, Cowboy Chicken Wood Fire Rotisserie, Cracker Barrel, Dickey’s Barbecue Pit, HoneyBaked Ham, Luby’s, Lucille’s Smokehouse Bar-B-Que, Popeyes and Ruth’s Chris Steak House. Also, consider ending your evening with a trip to a bar, a club or karaoke bar. Who says that holidays can’t be ALL fun. And if you want them to be more than fun, you can always volunteer to provide food to people in need.
No matter what you decide to do in your family’s absence, attempt to make the best of your day. Eat plenty, have fun and share it with someone else. Don’t pout or whine, but instead be thankful that you have a family who misses you, and plenty of loved ones who care for you, even if they’re not sitting right next to you on Thursday.
The holiday season always gets us thinking about family, but what about your friends? It’s also the season to spend time with your best friends (did you see The Best Man Holiday?) — especially if you are young person with limited finances and you have to pick ONE holiday to return home (usually Christmas) and the other(s) to kick it with friends (usually Thanksgiving and/or New Year’s Eve). And what better way to celebrate friends than for us to relive some of our favorite black buddy sitcoms and their hilarious, friendly moments.
“Living Single” was black folks’ Friends for sure. In a 90s kind of world, they were glad they had each other, and we (fans) were glad they had each other too while making us laugh along the way. We fell in love with the characters of our version of 20 somethings trying to make it in their careers, love and friendships in the Big Apple — including the always-hungry attorney and the extra roommate Maxine (Erika Alexander), the uptight magazine editor Khadijah (Queen Latifah), handyman Overton (John Henton), the bourgeois-wannabe Régine (Kim Fields), the troll-loving Synclaire (Kim Coles) and the Maxine–hating-then-loving stockbroker Kyle (T.C. Carson).
Do you use Facebook to expand your dating pool? You’re not the only one. And if you don’t, you might be missing out. Why? With Facebook there is a transparency because you can actually see potential partners’ photos, read their interactions, and extract a greater understanding of their their day to day reality.
You can even do a little investigative digging, asking mutual friends about them, analyzing photos, getting a feel for their personality based on how they interact with “friends” on their wall. Well … that’s if they are being honest and truly transparent. The danger with Facebook is that you can also create an identity for the intention of anything from getting a job, a date, or a social life (despite the reality that you sit at home feeling pretty cool about yourself for collecting a slew of “friends”).
Con artists are undoubtedly slinking around Facebook, so here’s where to spot the scammers:
Lie Alert! Relationship Status
Relationship status can be very deceptive. You can declare yourself as single, in a relationship, engaged, married, in a civil union, in a domestic partnership, in an open relationship, it’s complicated, separated, divorced, widowed — or avoid answering anything at all, the go-to for many guys who are playing the field of the free dating site that is Facebook.
Even if his status is “single,” don’t trust it. Maybe he hasn’t “gotten around” to changing his status yet. Do your digging before believing a Facebook relationship status. Check out a few photos. Or, just ask him straight up. If you trust him enough to go out on a date with him, you should be able to ask him the very simple question: “So, what’s your relationship status?” Simple.
Lie Alert! Friends
This is one of the areas that Facebook can create serious deception. You might seem to have 15 or just 2 friends in common and that automatically gives you a sense of comfort as you think “well he knows my friend from high school so he must be a good guy who I can trust.”
Not so. Fact is that you can friend request anyone and, even if they don’t know you from Adam (sorry all of you Adams out there), there is still a decent chance that you will be accepted; particularly if Facebook is used more for the purpose of business than keeping up with your true friends and family.
Read more at YourTango.com
Your celebrity best friend is like your imaginary sidekick. You quote their lines, feel their struggle and know you’d hang out in real life. Here are 15 celebrities who we’d love to hang out with because we realize they are our (sometimes corny) best friends in our heads.
Queen Latifah has been our favorite roll dog since “Living Single.”
We’ve covered a variety of topics for International Women’s Friendship month; from frenemies to the role friendship can play in our emotional and spiritual well-being. However, all relationships have their ups and downs and one factor that can challenge our friendships is lovers. The introduction of someone new into our circle changes the dynamics…especially if we don’t approve of our friend’s choice.
While our natural inclination may be to give full vent to our thoughts, doing so could lead to unnecessary strain on, or the demise of, our friendships. Here are some principles and guidelines to help everyone involved when new love challenges a treasured friendship:
1. Boundaries First: We set the standard for the value others will place on our relationships. When a new man comes into your life—make it clear to him what your friendships mean to you. While it is important that we don’t foster competition, it is key that they respect the people who played a role in helping us become the person they are interested in. Also, make it clear to friends how much your significant other means to you. The reality is there is now less of you to go around. If you’re the new love interest, show respect to the people who came before you. When the explosive power of your new affection wears off—you will be glad that you are not the only thing in your honey’s life.
2. Think Twice, Speak Once: We can’t walk on eggshells around our friend’s significant other. We should be able to freely express our thoughts, ideas and values. However, the potential does exist to put our friend right smack dab in the middle of a big disagreement. Sometimes, tense situations are unavoidable, but it shouldn’t be because we were careless with our actions and speech. Familiarity breeds contempt—practice keeping the proper respect in your conversations and relationships with your friend’s lover. Words spoken can’t be taken back and have the power to hurt all involved!
You can read the rest, including what is considered the “golden rule” over on ESSENCE.com.
At one time or another, many of us have not gotten along with a friend’s significant other. How did you handle the situation?
We all love our friends…just not all the time. These shady friend moves get on our nerves, test our patience and sometimes make us reevaluate our friendships. If you’ve got a shady friend story, leave it in the comments.
Most friends that actually want to remain friends aren’t going to come out and tell you that your boyfriend is a jerk and they’d prefer you weren’t together. If he makes you happy, it’s their duty as friends to pretend to be happy for you. But vague polite gestures don’t mean much: here’s how you tell if your friends like your boyfriend.
How’s this for some scandalous news this Thursday morning? According to Deadline.com, there’s a new gladiator around town as Lisa Kudrow joins “Scandal” as a recurring character for Season 3.
Go ahead and let it out “Friends” fans. We know you’re excited.
Most known for her understatedly hilarious persona, it will be interesting to see how the funny woman transforms into a serious role in this prime time political drama. As you know, Shonda and the rest of the team over at ABC like to keep details of every single episode under wraps down to the last second — even the cast members — so so far all we know is that Lisa will play a politician. How she’ll fit into the messiness of Olivia Pope and Fitz’ never-ending romantic tug of war, Cyrus and Millie’s one-upping of each other, Jake and the political Illuminati, i.e. Olivia’s dad, and all the other scandals that plague Washington DC remains to be seen.
What do you think about Lisa Kudrow fitting into the “Scandal” set. Are you looking forward to seeing her in action on a mainstream TV series again?