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Let me premise this story by saying that jump off, casual-sex situations almost never turn into legitimate monogamous relationships.  If I could do an actual statistical study on the subject, I’m sure it would say something like, “Only 25% of the couples surveyed who began their relationship by agreeing to have sex with no strings attached ultimately ended up pursuing a long-term monogamous relationships.”  Even I agree that I got lucky, because I could have easily ended up as another notch on a bedpost with a broken heart.

When I first met my boyfriend in 2004, he was completely honest about the fact that his priorities were money, alcohol and sex and in that order.  Meeting through a mutual friend we weren’t exactly trying to make the best first impression, so I’d often see women parading in and out of the bachelor pad he shared with a roommate and I even got to be a fly in the wall during the conversations that played out after the girls left about their sex game (or lack there of), who had pretty panties and who had grandma britches.  Sorry, ladies but if you don’t know now you know: Men gossip about the opposite sex as much if not more than their female counterparts.  Even with all this top secret info, soon I found myself all seduced by that dreaded swag that at the man who is now my boyfriend possessed and before I knew it I had joined the parade.  Boyfriend was honest about his intentions about only wanting sex, but silly behind me over-analyzed every look, gesture and random compliment.  He may have said, “You’re a cool chick,” but I just knew it really meant, “I want you to be the mother of my children.”  The mind can convince you that the sky is purple if you want to believe it bad enough.

David Blaine has nothing on the female brain.  I ended up convincing myself that I could be happy in a relationship based on sex, when I knew what I wanted was a relationship with this man.  In fact, I think how honest he was about everything made him even more attractive.  He wasn’t lying to spare anyone’s feelings, I didn’t have to go through his phone because all of the girls he was involved with knew exactly what he was about.  In fact he told me something I’ll never forget, “Men only lie when they feel they have something to lose.”  Well, damn I should’ve known then, but even with him being up front about being a jerk, he still had girls doing the most to be down with him…even if it was only for that night.

Even if he was the man of my dreams outside the bedroom, the truth was he didn’t want a relationship at the time, at least not one with me.  Gender-stereotypes just aren’t my thing, but the truth is I’m a typical girl and as much as I may admire the girls who can play like Robin Givens in Boomerang who get their needs met and then roll out in the middle of the night leaving Eddie Murphy with the smack face, it’s hard for me to separate romantic feelings from sex.  That’s not to say I go falling for every guy I’ve ever gotten physical with, but if I like a guy I can’t just get it popping with him one night and then give him advice about the new girl he’s kicking it with the next.

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Flings don’t come in one specific shape or size, nor do they fit a certain mold. Some flings have a bit more substance to them while others merely exist for sexual reasons. Whatever the case may be, more times than not, flings eventually come to an end, once they have run their course. Depending on your expectations from the beginning, it’s quite possible you could end up crushed when this happens. If you find yourself in that position, here are a few ways to get over the heartache.

Carrying on a casual fling can be great for your self-esteem, your mental wellbeing, and even your physical health (sex is good for you!). But if you’re not prepared for the rules and realities of it, you might embarrass yourself, or break your own heart (when that’s exactly what’s not supposed to happen). Let us walk you through the particulars.

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Ladies, at one point or another, we’ve all had that “back up guy” on deck in case we needed a quick date or some male company. You know the type: he’s more than a friend but nowhere near anyone we claim as our man. But have you ever wondered if you were someone else’s back up chick? In matters of the heart, lines can get blurred and many things can get lost in translation when you’re ignoring signs or being deceived, so here are some ways to tell if the guy you’re into is into you back, or if you’re simply his back up chick.

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Plenty of us have stayed in a relationship way longer than we should have. It’s one thing to discover after a few weeks that you and the guy you were seeing just don’t click – it happens. But it’s another thing altogether when your feelings have been invested for months – even years – in a guy who you KNOW isn’t right for you, but you can’t seem to let go. There’s a lesson to be learned in every relationship, whether good or bad, so the trick is learning from each dating experience so you don’t spin your wheels in a dead end relationship. Not sure if the relationship you’re in is a complete waste of time? All of these signs point to yes:

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Having a friend with benefits is one of the greatest perks of the modern age. You get all the physical and emotional health benefits of having regular sex, you keep your libido up between relationships, your self-esteem sky rockets, and you don’t have any of the emotional roller coasters of a real relationship. BUT, that’s only if you do things right. Here’s how:

Hi Damon,

My name is Tiffani, My question is…… My friend and I been friends for twenty years. I have always have romantic feelings for him up until now,he recently ended his relationship. Lately,our relationship have been more than friends. At first I was happy I had no worries but now I’m fearful. I guess, this is stemming from my own insecurities and over thinking. I wanted to know how can I overcome my own self doubt about our relationship. He is a great guy and he have a lot of qualities I want in a man. And how can I be supportive during his break up.

Tiffani,

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The best part of being in a relationship for most people is the friendship you’ve built with your partner. While passion, chemistry and great sex make up a large part of attraction, friendship and mutual respect are what keep a relationship growing and strong. But what happens when that relationship ends…for whatever reason? Can (or should) exes remain friends? Personally, I think exes can be great friends, but it may take some finesse…and time. After all, if you started off as friends, you should be able to maintain the friendship right? Sometimes the friendship was the best part of the relationship, and just because you don’t make it down the aisle doesn’t mean all is lost. After all, you’ve shared memories, made each other laugh, confided in each other and know each other’s deep dark secrets.

But some may say that this is exactly why you CANNOT be just friends. You’ve shared memories, made each other laugh, confided in each other and know each other’s deep dark secrets – AND YOU’VE SEEN EACH OTHER NAKED! If you’re unsure on if you should bring the relationship back to the friendship level, consider these things before you take it there.

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Sometimes you never really see it coming – the “Friends with Benefits” situation. After all, he’s cool, a lot of fun to hang out with and there’s an attraction there that could go either way, depending on what day of the week it is. You think he’s cute, he’s not seeing anyone and neither are you and then BAM! – after maybe one too many, you have sex.  And the sex is good. Really good. So you decide to do it again, and again…and maybe one more time. Next thing you know, you’re friends with benefits (FWB)…and everything is groovy.

Until…one of you catches feelings. Most of us know someone who has found herself in this situation wondering how she got there – and how she can either get out of it, or how she can take it to the next level. If she’s fallen for the guy, yet he’s stated over and over again that they’re “just kickin’ it” or that he’s not ready for a relationship, chances are you will never go from the FWB situation to full girlfriend status. But it IS possible. Sure, this may happen in RARE cases, especially if he has intimacy issues or commitment phobia – in which case I advise you to let it go and heal your broken heart. But if you feel that the chemistry between you suggests that there might be a chance at real love, here are some things you can do to test the waters to see if you can go from FWB to wifey.

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The line between friendship and cut buddy can get blurry sometimes. And several people have ended up in the sheets with someone who was once just a friend. We took to the streets of New Orleans to see if some of these people had done just that. See what they had to say about the subject in the video above. If you’ve been there and done that, be sure to let us know how things worked out for you and your “friend” in the comments section below.

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