All Articles Tagged "friend zone"
Most times, when people ponder which gender is more prone to wanting to make a relationship “official” sooner, females are likely to be the gender that they go with. But, a new survey conducted by Glamour in conjunction with Zoosk.com suggests that the fellas are desiring a commitment earlier than the ladies are.
In the survey, which was conducted on 1,441 men and 1,147 women, 43% of the men said that people should usually make a relationship official after a few good dates. On the other hand, the study revealed that women are more likely to wait a few months before they begin “sealing deals” and passing out titles.
While this probably won’t come as much of a shocker, when asked when the most appropriate time to get intimate was, 42.1% of the guys said after the third date, while 52.8% of the ladies said they’d prefer to wait until an official commitment has been communicated. Both men and women agreed that a pair should begin meeting each other’s families right after they officially commit to one another and that the couple can start meeting each other’s friends after 1 to 5 dates.
When asked who should say, “I love you,” first, both men and women expressed that it doesn’t really make a difference. The ladies and the fellas also agreed that when to exchange keys and when to get engaged are “complex issues” that can’t be timed. And finally, both men and women agreed that they like the idea of living together prior to getting engaged.
What are your thoughts on relationship timelines? Are they necessary or uncalled for?
Though it’s usually guys complaining that they’re stuck in the friend zone, us women sometimes have to deal with the same situation. You’ve found yourself developing feelings for one of your guy friends, but the problem is that you two are just friends, and nothing more. Here are some tips to hopefully help you move past the friend zone and onto something better.
You Should Take Things Slow, But How Slow Is Too Slow? 7 Signs You’ve Been Put In The Dreaded “Gray Zone”
There’s a difference between finding yourself in the “friend zone,” and finding yourself in a “gray zone” when it comes to dating. When you’ve been put in the friend zone, someone, for reasons that could include not being fully attracted to you, not wanting a relationship or just being straight up repulsed by you, doesn’t feel the same way you do. Therefore, they keep you close because they find some benefit in having you around, yet and still, they don’t want to take things further. And oh yeah, they let you know that you’re “just the friend.”
But when you’re put in the gray zone, you’re not the girlfriend/boyfriend, nor are you “just a friend.” You’re just there. In fact, you’re just around, going over to his house, waiting on his phone calls and pretty much “talking,” but with no firm statement of what the hell you two are, are what you’re doing. Don’t you hate that s**t!? A lot of the crap that comes with ending up in the gray zone can be resolved if early on, you tell someone your intentions and make sure they get it: “I’m looking for something more. I don’t have time to play games.” But sometimes we don’t make ourselves 100 percent clear, and in the end, we end up waiting for the other person to make the move that tells us whether we should keep waiting or whether we should head back to Match.com (kidding!). So how do you know when you’ve been relegated to such a place? We’ve got some ideas…seeing as how we’ve been there:
If you meet someone online, are set up on a blind date or just ask someone out who you’ve never met before, it’s not that tough to tell if she likes you. If you never knew each other before, there is little pressure to sugar coat things. If she’s not feeling you, she just won’t call you back or she’ll drop the “Let’s just be friends line.” The tricky situation involves the woman you already know as a friend or acquaintance. Since it can be torture to see a woman week in and week out that you’re trying to take things to the next level with, but don’t know whether or not to cross that line, let’s put you out of your misery, shall we?
I was having an interesting conversation with some friends on whether women truly put their close male friends in the “friend zone.” For anyone who doesn’t know what the “friend zone” is, according to the always hilarious Urban Dictionary, it’s the following:
“What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, “You’re such a good friend”. Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another. Verb tense is “Friend-ed”.”
Ironically, most of the other definitions on Urban Dictionary paint this similar picture: that men are the sole victims to being looked at as just friends by the women they care for, but who don’t happen to feel the same way back. Or what I would call victims of unrequited love.
The way some people perceive the “friend zone” bothers me because it’s usually only implied to men. Most movies and TV shows present men who feel they are victimized in some way because they didn’t get to that next level with their romantic interest and because she didn’t share his feelings. Just because you buy a woman dinner, or take her out on a date, or spend time with her doesn’t mean she’s automatically required to either sleep with you or become your significant other and immediately feel the way you do.
I’m not saying that there aren’t people out there who take advantage of men’s kindness, because that would be a lie. We can all probably find a time where we’ve accidentally or purposefully played with someone’s emotions, but to think that it’s only women who do this to men? That’s my problem with the perception of it all.
I’ve been friend zoned plenty of times. I’m either too cute or too sweet to the guys I’ve found myself interest in, and I’m always someone’s “kid sister” or “one of the guys.” Guys have given me some indication that they were interested in me, but then after they get what they wanted, be it physical, emotional–whatever–they have pulled the “You’re great and all, but we just don’t have that spark. We should just be friends.” There have been guys who I’ve liked, but their only interest in me was to be friends and they never tried to lead me on and “play” like me in a romantic sense. As much as it might happen to men, it definitely is something that women go through just as much, and it might even be worse. Whether the man in the picture gets what he wants from you (be it companionship, someone to vent to, etc) but says he “doesn’t look at you that way” or not, being thrown in the friend zone isn’t something exclusive to one sex, despite popular opinion that paints women as heartless maneaters.
What am I supposed to do if someone doesn’t like me? Make them like me? Uh, no thanks. And it’s funny, because if a woman does it she’s a crazy psycho, but if a man does it, he’s a hopeless romantic. Thank you romantic comedies such as, 500 Days of Summer and Just Friends, for proving this point.
Rejection isn’t easy for anyone, but at the end of the day if someone genuinely doesn’t like you and was honest about it, what can you do? If people had more open and honest surroundings, it would create for stronger relationships and friendships. So while Urban Dictionary and others might like to play like women always rarely know what they want, use men and then play them because they’re “too nice” and would be better used as friends, men get down the same way…
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Some say that friends make the best lovers, but I might have to disagree. Whether it’s in grade school or in grad school, we’ll all have one experience being on the end of a relationship where one person wants a little more romance than the other. When it’s all said and done, you can either end up in a loving relationship with your best friend or find yourself with a fragile friendship ruined by the awkwardness of an unrequited romance. While we recently talked about reasons you shouldn’t be “just a friend” with a guy, many don’t realize that we often blindly walk into those type of situations not recognizing that the friend zone is right where we’re headed. Don’t take the risk of being asked to be “just a friend” by avoiding the following roles and actions: