All Articles Tagged "forgiveness"
For all intents and purposes, I had a great childhood. There was always food on the table, I had nice clothes, and though I was spanked, I was never beaten. I took dance lessons as a little girl, always had books to read, and graduated sixth in my high school class.
I had an all-American, Middle-Class upbringing. I know that I was more fortunate than many.
That doesn’t mean, however, that I moved from childhood to adulthood unscathed.
My mother was 5 feet tall, weighed 102 pounds, and was nicknamed “Aunt Meanie” by my older cousins. They all knew not to cross my mother. She had a fun side and many people loved her. She had loyal girlfriends that remained close for more than forty years. She was also mentally ill, suffering from severe depression. I grew up on a diet of grudges fueled by her insomnia and addiction to nicotine.
My father had what I’d call a firecracker temper. He didn’t anger easily, and when he did, he’d blow up and it was over. My mother did not. Yes, she was capable of flying off the handle at a moment’s notice, but she had this slow burn about her, like hot coals. And just when you believed that something had been forgotten, she would bring it up again and hash through every painful detail of a perceived betrayal.
When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, there were many hours of conversation in the hospital about how terribly she had been treated during her life. She would tell me that she was good with her relationship with God and ready to go Meet Him. And moments later, she would bring up an old story, detailing who had wronged her and being clear that she was unable to forgive them.
Read more about forgiveness at YourTango.com
Welcome to 30 Days Of Love, our one-month initiative to bring you closer to the love you deserve just in time for Valentine’s Day. Today, we’re shining the spotlight on forgiveness — and its role in a fulfilling relationship.
Bernard Meltzer once said, “When you forgive, you in no way change the past — but you sure do change the future.” While forgiveness isn’t always easy, it’s an integral part of everyone’s lives; without it, it’s nearly impossible to live a productive, happy life. And without forgiveness in a relationship, it’s nearly impossible to have a healthy, growing partnership.
Here are some things — big and small — that you should forgive your partner for by Valentines Day.
1. Leaving the lights on. Yes, it’s annoying and it drives up the electric bill, but we all sometimes let it slip our minds. Plus, he might have just forgotten because he was on his way to snuggle with you.
2. Speaking of which, don’t get overly mad if he left the fridge open by accident. Close it and move on.
3. Spoiling the ending of Breaking Bad. You were going to find out the ending eventually.
4. Accidentally not introducing you as his or her partner. Yes, this can be frustrating to many people, but sometimes intros are awkward and proper “titles” don’t get said; it’s nothing to be too offended by.
5. The fight you had last week. This is a personal struggle for me, as I have a very difficult time forgetting recent hurtful words and tend to bring them up, which only progresses the argument further. Letting these things go allows the healing to begin.
6. Forgetting to call after he gets home from the bar.
7. Forgetting to call before bed, in general. Haven’t we all had that moment where sleeping “five minutes” just seems so appealing, and we were sure waking up to talk would be easy? But then, naturally, it was not.
8. Leaving the dishes in the sink. They’ll get cleaned tomorrow; it’s not worth fighting over.
9. Not making the bed. See #8.
Read more ways on how to forgive at YourTango.com
Being angry takes a lot of energy—energy you could be dedicating to your career ambitions, to your friendships, to your workout goals and so much more—so this year, take some of that energy back and forgive these 7 people.
With all of the problems in this world — along with the mistakes each of us make throughout our life — the need to forgive arises almost daily. However, forgiveness is often misunderstood an often not properly applied. So it’s a good idea to understand what forgiveness is and what it isn’t. It can bring you and those you loveto the light of a new day!
Conversely, a lack of this knowledge can hurt relationships in terrible ways. The symptoms of such hurt may take form in a wide variety of negative characteristics, most notably bitterness, envy, pride, and lust; though whatever symptom arises, it results in broken relationships. To stay away from such relational disaster, we must learn how to rightly forgive. Let’s take a look at what forgiveness is all about.
Forgiveness Does Not Excuse Behavior
This is an important point; especially when you want to forgive someone for a great injustice. We must realize that granting forgiveness does not mean that the injustice wasn’t grievous. When someone apologizes to you, have you ever responded, “It’s OK”? I know I have. That’s normal to say when you’re dealing with minor infractions. But when someone abuses, cheats, lies, steals, etc., these things are not simply “OK”, just because someone apologizes for them. In these situations, things may never be OK again between you and that individual… but you can still forgive, while knowing that what they did was wrong, and that it may bring consequences. This brings us to our next point.
Forgiveness Does Not Negate Consequences
Let’s say I lie to my wife, but then feel guilty and apologize for lying. While she may forgive me, it doesn’t mean that she trusts me. The natural consequence of my action is a loss of trust; therefore, for my wife to trust me again, I must earn her trust back. This has to do with justice, which can be pictured as an evenly balanced scale. So, if I broke trust, I must earn trust. If I was to break the law, I may still have to do the time for my crime, even though those I victimized may have forgiven me.
Read more at YourTango.com
If you’re anything like me and 99% of the people I know, you have an active imagination about how awesome you could be, if only… You were a lottery winner, thinner, in love, had your dream job, got divorced, became a parent, etc. We all have our stories about how there is one (or more) external factors to our happiness that we need to conquer, and then everything else will be simply amazing. As a matchmaker, I hear a lot of the following statements from singles who are looking for a loving relationship:
1. “Being in a relationship will motivate me to be more kind, forgiving, compromising, etc…”
Have you ever heard that expression, “wherever you go, there you are?” If you are unable to compromise (or only do so begrudgingly, holding on to resentment that you didn’t get things your way), guess what? Finding that “perfect person” doesn’t magically transform you. If anything, the vulnerability and intimacy that comes from a long-term, committed relationship only amplifies your emotions and insecurities. Relationships are amazing teachers for us, but what they reveal can only be addressed by us. If you are unkind, selfish or inflexible and you do manage to find someone who still chooses to commit to you, you will bring that same behavior into your relationship. The comedian Chris Rock has a joke warning women that when you meet a new man you are meeting his representative who says and does all the right things, but after awhile he goes bye-bye and the actual man appears. The same goes for all of us – you might be able to put certain behaviors in check when something is new, but eventually the real you will make an appearance, for the long run.
Read more at YourTango.com
Have you been caught cheating on your partner? Even if you are both working to move past the affair, are you having trouble moving past your own shame? If so, help is on the way.
In this video, divorce coach and YourTango Expert Marina Pearson says that infidelity can be overcome in a relationship. “Learning is growth,” she says. “We’re not perfect and the fact that you can learn from this experience is amazing, because that way you’ll get to learn more about you, improve on what you can do and actually, you can start to change and tweak things about yourself that ultimately you didn’t even know you could.” She shares even more advice on how to get over your guilt.
See more on YourTango.com.
When a bitter breakup has brought you to your emotional knees, it’s hard to imagine that you’ll ever love again. But like the saying goes, time heals all wounds – and if you open up your heart again, it’s possible true love can find you. I’m not suggesting that you jump right back into dating before your tears have dried and your hurt has healed; it’s actually wise to take some time to reflect and reconnect with yourself after a breakup. But once you’ve let some time go by, you may start to wonder if you’re up for the challenge of dating again. Not sure if you’re ready yet? Here are some signs you may be ready to give love another try.