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Taking public transportation for the most part is a downer: it’s smelly, crowded, takes too long and you have to deal with all sorts of characters. But, what makes any situation a little more pleasant? Flirting! And it’s not off limits on a bus/train/subway/trolley you name it. You just have to know how to do it so you don’t creep anybody out, or ruin the ride.

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Long have people stopped and paused in wonder at the bland, medium-build, partially balding man walking down the street hand-in-hand with the woman who should be on the cover of a magazine. The usual thoughts cross our minds, he must be rich, he must be powerful, and sometimes, that’s true. But men of totally average positions in life — financially and otherwise — regularly land gorgeous women. Here’s how.

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Just like women, no two men are the same. When it comes to seducing a man, it really is a personal thing as to what turns him on and what doesn’t. However, some women have a preconceived notion that certain things they do in bed are turn ons, when in fact they are just the opposite. Don’t worry! In case you’re a little late to the unsatisfied party, here are the things you think are turning him on but probably aren’t.

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From The Grio

Last week, I was contacted on Twitter by a man who recently stumbled across an article I’d once written about street harassment, the bane of existence for every black woman walking, well, the street. My piece mused on the best way to engage the sorts of men who yell at women to “smile,” tell them how “Hot” they are (all while eye-humping them), or yell out of cars to tell women just how much they would enjoy a romp. Classy, right?

The man in question wanted me to know this: “you should be thankful (ESP. black women) that n****s is [sic] giving you the time of day. Stop taking street harassment for granted.”

Sigh.

Usually, I would ignore a comment like this, but the man’s inarticulate perspective is one I’ve heard before — actually anytime I’ve read the male comments on a post on street harassment. Many men, I’m afraid, just don’t get how awful, demeaning, violating (and common) this practice is no matter how often and long women complain about it. Some say that women are blowing it out of proportion, that men hollering in the street isn’t harassing, but flattering.

Read more at TheGrio.com.

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A couple of weeks ago, the girls and I decided to head out for happy hour.  It was a holiday weekend and our usual Mexican margarita spot in the middle of a local college campus was looking a little dry as we assumed staff and students had headed back home for the weekend.  Still we decided to make the most of getting out of work early and being able to snag a good table without having to wait uncomfortably by a packed bar for hours.

A little bit after finishing off a plate of Southwestern wings but before getting too acquainted with Don Julio reposado shots, my co-worker spotted a Lance Gross look-a-like lingering around outside with two friends as they waited to be seated.  Once he got a table with his lanky light-skinned friend who just seemed to ooze “goofball” and a third guy I nicknamed “Tight-Purple.” (He was rocking a tight sweater that looked like it might rip from his shoulders if he sneezed.) That’s when the lingering gazes and coy waves began.  Before I knew it I looked up and saw a bright orange Nike shirt that paled in comparison to the grin that the Lance Gross look alike was rocking as he leaned on our table with tribal tattoos that wrapped around his right arm.

Here we go, my girl was finally about to get the play she’d been inviting all night…until he opened up his mouth and uttered, “So which one of y’all are buying me a drink.  I’ve been sitting over there waiting for the past ten minutes.”  My first thought: It took him ten minutes to think of that lame behind line.  I’m all about women’s lib and I must admit, there’s nothing like a cocky man to get me feeling some all flushed and feverish, but this was beyond cocky.  This was entitled.

I’m almost 30, so maybe my ideas of the whole bar scene are a little old-fashioned, but brother was working  a nerve.  I don’t know if he was used to women falling at his chocolate-dropped feet, but I needed him to come better than that.  And did he notice that only one of us was giving him the come-hither?  He was cute but definitely not my type, but a part of me suspected that he half-way expected our hands to shoot up in the air scrambling to find our waitress in the hopes that one of us would end up on his lap feeding him nachos.  Maybe I was taking him too seriously, or maybe both of our parties had some severe communication problems, but his opening line wasn’t enticing in the least.

It got me thinking: Are thirsty, desperate women making it too easy for men?  I’m not saying that was the case in our situation, but seriously I’ve been to enough happy hours to see women who’ve gone to some desperate measures just to make sure they don’t leave the bar alone.  I’ve seen women straddling strangers in a booth, simulating oral sex on straw, talking loudly about the ratings of their reproductive anatomy all to get some attention…any attention.  It’s sad.  There’s a fine line between being assertive and being thirsty.  Assertive is following a guy you’re interested on Twitter and shooting him a flirty “Hey Sexay…” tweet.  Thirsty is following all of his boys too so that you can get in good with the team.  I’m not saying women can’t make the first move or that men can’t be courted, what I’m saying is we don’t have to come out of character to do so and we don’t have to subject ourselves to being represented only by sex because we feel that being alone is worse than being disrespected. It’s no wonder why men don’t even bother to ask you to go see a movie, before asking you to come over when all they have to do is look at woman to get her to bust it wide open at the bar.

As equal as we all would like love to be, the truth is dating is a power struggle. There are certain advantages that both men and women have at any given time and right now the fellas are winning.  Gone are the days where a woman could sit at the bar and watch men trip over their tongues to talk to her, now men know that there are women who, if they ignore long enough, will get damn near buttnaked to get a guy’s attention.  There’s nothing wrong with being a bit assertive if you know what you want, but you don’t have to lose your ability to be a lady while getting your grown woman on.  When it comes to coming on to someone on the club scene, we all have moments when we are doing the absolute most.  But by ordering the drink, buying it and serving it up with a side of sitting on his lap, we’re not leaving any work for the fellas to put in and making it harder for women who aren’t so forward.    Next time try a simple, “How are you doing and what’s your name?” Any man that can’t meet you half way is either not interested or not worth getting to know.

When does flirting go too far?

Toya Sharee is a community health   educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

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Flirting doesn’t always come easily — or naturally — for some women. Some of us are shy or just completely unfamiliar with being able to flirt without coming across as cheesy or desperate. If you’ve got your eye on a man and you know it’s up to you to make the move, you’ll need to learn how to flirt the right way. Let us help you.

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Now if you saw Kelly Rowland’s stunning dress at the Oscar’s this February, you’d fully expect plenty of men to have pushed up on the lovely singer. But what surprised most of us was the man who got his flirt on with the former Destiny’s Child member on camera: Jamie Foxx.

While Kelly was working the red carpet as a correspondent, Jamie basically…well, he did this:

Awkward, right?

Naturally, after that, people started wondering if something more was going on between the two. But now, nearly two months later Kelly finally addressed the speculation, telling radio station Shade 45:

“That was very weird. That’s my buddy. I love Jamie. We’re actually going to do a film together. That’s actually what he was getting at – the film.”

Oh, sweet innocent Kelly. She might have been thinking film, Jamie, on the other hand, probably had another type of film in mind…ya’ll know how he gets down. What you think?

While you shouldn’t be going to church with the intent to find a man, you’d be hard pressed to find someone who’d argue that you can’t meet somebody in a house of worship. It can be done. In fact, it happens all of the time. The thing is, you can’t use the same flirting techniques you use at the club at church. You must modify it if you want to have some level of success. So, if a fellow church member has caught your eye, here are a few tips about how you should go about getting his attention

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Online dating has become one of the most popular ways of finding love in today’s world. No matter if you’re using a dating website, Facebook, or some other type of social network, you definitely aren’t alone in trying to find a boyfriend. One of the drawbacks of online dating is the fact that, at least temporarily, there’s no physicality to the relationship. If a guy kisses you or tries to hold your hand in person, it’s obvious that he likes you. But online, it can be a bit tougher to really know if a guy is genuinely that interested. Here are 14 ways to know if an online prospect likes you or not.

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By Noneyabiznass

You’ll have to excuse me if this question has an extremely obvious answer that I’m not aware of. I’m actually relatively new to the post-collegiate dating world, where relationships are a lot more serious and the flirting never seems to end. But I had an encounter with a guy recently that I don’t think I handled all that well, so I thought I’d get YOUR advice. (Crazy right?)

While helping a girlfriend and her man move some things into her apartment, I had the chance to meet a guy, a nice fellow, who was also lending a hand, in the process. When I think back to it, the minute he and I actually had the chance to come into contact with one another while I lugged a box up the stairs, he was ON. He turned the charm up and while I headed back downstairs to help my girlfriend some more, he proceeded to ask me a wide array of questions, including the obvious, “Where are you from?” When I told him that I was from Chi-town, he made a joke about the fact that I was probably “packing heat” as a reference to all the gun violence that’s occurring in the city (on second thought, I don’t know why he thought that was a good thing to say…) and proceeded to quickly hit me around my waist where my pockets were as though he was mock patting me down.

In my mind I quickly thought, “Uh uh, I know he’s not trying to flirt while we’re moving all this s**t…”

To be honest, I came dressed and ready to help my friend move, therefore, I thought I looked a mess (no makeup, glasses on, HUGE coat, beanie hat on–nothing “cute”), increasing my confusion as to whether or not he was flirting. I shrugged it of as another guy being a bit too friendly and kept it moving. But when we were finished, and were resting from our work, he wanted to continue to get to know me better. He asked me about my natural hair, my experience as a newbie in New York, and my work. When the conversation changed to the latter and I told him about my work as a writer and for Madame Noire, he told me that he reads the site because of an ex-girlfriend who used to follow our page often. He could even name recent published work that was on the site. I was impressed, and it made the conversation all the more enjoyable. But then he confused the hell out of me when he said, “Cool, I’ll check out your work and email you what I think. Put your information in my phone!” As he handed over the phone, still living in a state of naïvety, I held the phone and was ready to give him my work email, only to finally come to my slow a** senses and realize, UH, I DON’T THINK THIS IS RIGHT GIRL!

I realized very slowly that he was trying to mack on me, and seeing as how I have a boyfriend that I love to pieces, I couldn’t let that happen. But what did I do to stop this situation? Honestly, a whole lot of nothing. I quietly put the phone down, exited the room to tell my friend about the flirtatious shenanigans, came back a few minutes later, and because he and her boyfriend were engulfed in conversation, when I handed his phone back, he didn’t bother to check to see the nothingness I’d left in it. Whew! I escaped that awkward situation, but I obviously felt that I could have handled it all better.

You’re probably thinking, “Why didn’t you tell him straight up that you had a man?” Well, I’ve always had this fear of being vain and assuming that a man was trying to hit on me when in fact, he’s not. And this type of confusion because of subtle flirting has occurred more than once with me, including with an old coworker who I naively thought just wanted to innocently chat over lunch at Wendy’s or something…until he said he would pay to and that we should hang out OUTSIDE of work hours sometime. When a man doesn’t come straight out and say, “We should meet up,” or give me a bunch of compliments and ask for my number like the dudes on the street, I’m the type to not realize anything out of the ordinary is happening aside from two people being friendly. Sad, right? So because he didn’t come out and say that he was feeling me, I was blind to it all. And once I got an inkling, I didn’t want to be the girl to say, “UH I have a man so  this isn’t happening,” only to have him say, “Uh, sweetie, I was just being nice….” Plus, I didn’t want to embarrass him or vice versa while we were in front of our mutual friends.

So with that in mind, I wonder, how do you go about shutting down a guy’s attempts without embarrassing yourself? I decided that including my boyfriend somewhere in the conversation (“Oh you know that place? Me and my man go there all the time!”) would help, but if you have any other smooth ways of laying the hammer down, let a sista know, especially if you’ve found yourself in a similar situation…