All Articles Tagged "first date"
They’re always nerve-wracking, you’ve been on three of them this month and you still can’t figure out what to wear. It’s hard to tell whether we’re talking about first dates or job interviews isn’t it? That’s because they’re both equally stressful and force us to be on for hours on end, trying to let our best self shine — or at least the best self we think we need to be to get the man/job. Here are 15 times dating is like a job interview.
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You’re Definitely Not Being Yourself
You know your real laugh sounds nothing like that…
We’re not sure who gave men the idea that these things impress us, but we should be upset with them—very, very upset. The truth is when it comes to these things men do to impress us, we don’t become more smitten; we actually just want the date to end that much sooner.
Ray Rice’s Elevator Gate may be one of the worst scandals to happen in a long time, but it’s also making women more aware of the domestic violence threats that could be lurking around them. Could the man you met in line at Starbucks be dangerous? Is a hot temper a bad sign? Luckily, there are ways to tell if a guy might have an anger problem — even over dinner. They’re not all signs that you should bail right now, but they are a good heads up that you should be keeping an eye out for signs of verbal or physical abuse — before it’s too late.
His Job Involves Violence
Did you know that forty percent of police officer’s families experience domestic violence?
That’s four times the rate of the rest of the population. It’s not a reason to ask for the check, but you should keep an eye out for any warning signs.
It’s amazing the difference a few dates make. Once upon a time — i.e. in the beginning of a relationship –getting ready for a date meant an appointment to the spa and a trip to the mall. But once you move past the lust phase and start getting comfortable, all that prep and concern for impressing your man tends to go right out the window.
They say a woman knows within the first few hours of meeting someone whether or not it’s going to work. Unfortunately, that can land you in he middle of the world’s worst first date. Better hope your friend comes trough with the emergency exit call or you’re going to have to grab your purse and run for the door.
Showing Up Late
Not only is he 45 minutes late, but he’s mad that you’re mad. This is definitely not going to work.
No matter how desperate you are for a relationship, or even just a second date, never forgive these things. But also be aware there are plenty of ways you could mess up too! Here are 15 dating mistakes you can never come back from.
For some Black women, going on a date with a White man can be extremely nerve-wracking, especially if it’s their first time dating a white man. You might be wondering, “Will we have anything in common?” “What are going to talk about?” and “Will there be any awkward moments?” Well, in this case your best bet is to go into the date thinking that he’s just a normal guy, regardless of his race. Unfortunately, sometimes that plan fails miserably because some of these White men can’t help but keep reminding you that you are Black and they are White. It’s not that they do it on purpose, but it’s just that sometimes make certain comments that can seem annoying or even inappropriate. Making these comments cannot only ruin the date, but turn you off dating White men altogether. Not sure what I mean? Well, here is a list of the most annoying things that White men sometimes say on dates.
At some point during Steve Harvey’s “reign of terror,” there was an intense debate on the politics of when a woman should feel comfortable enough to sleep with a man of her choosing. The rhetoric at that time period stated a woman should enforce a 90-day rule in order to not lose the respect of the man she wanted to sleep with. The rule was also suggested to allow a woman time to properly assess whether the man in question actually liked her for her, or just liked her for sex. I was a relatively young lad at the time thinking to myself, “do mean really disrespect women if they sleep with them on the first date?” The short answer, per usual, is it depends on the man in question, but it bears writing that I have never actually seen this line of thinking in action.
In my personal conversations with men sleeping with women after a first date, I haven’t really heard anything negative. Sleeping together quickly doesn’t cancel out the chance for a relationship, her “worth” as a woman hasn’t been affected in a negative manner, and it hardly ever amounts to anything more than, “the date was great so we ended up having sex afterward.” Because I’ve seen that side of this particular situation so frequently it really hadn’t dawned on me that men felt the opposite way until I got a little older. So let’s address that.
Men who judge women for having sex with them on the first date are allowed to do so, although I’m not sure how they reconcile having less respect for a woman they chose to sleep with on a first date when they were active participants. For women, I’d imagine it’s a bit hard to tell when those are the men they’re choosing to sleep with (which may lend credence to Steve Harvey’s much maligned/celebrated plan to wait and see). In any event, I’m of the opinion a man judging a woman’s ability to make an adult decision based on the timeliness of sex, likely has his own issues regarding either sex or women’s sexuality. That might seem like a stretch, but when you consider the fact a man in this situation is essentially placing the blame solely on the woman and sees her as “less than” while not penalizing himself for doing the same, it doesn’t exactly speak highly of him. Women ought to be more cognizant of situations like that, but given the patriarchal society we live in, unfortunately, too many women will place the blame on themselves as well.
Switching gears a bit, I’d like to provide another perspective on this situation too. Over the course of my years on this Earth, I’ve heard a number of women assume that the reason a man didn’t want to date them after they had sex on the first date is because he no longer respected them. Being on the other side of that conversation as well, I can say the answer to that perception is a tad bit more varied than women would like to believe. In some cases, it isn’t really a problem of sleeping with a woman on the first date, rather the sex was weak so he simply opted not to further engage in the relationship anymore. In other cases, I’ve heard men say there were interested in a woman but the situation (as often happens in dating) just fell apart and never grew into anything. I say that to say there are times where women might attribute early sex as the reason why a man no longer wanted to date them when in reality it was something else entirely.
Suffice it to say there are men out there who no longer respect women after they have sex with them on the first date. There are also men out there who have loved and married women they slept with on the first date. There isn’t a universal answer on this topic. Chances are, if a man is penalizing a woman for having sex on the first date, he probably has a deeper issue which likely has nothing to do with women in general and everything to do with the society he grew up in and how thinks the actions of women should be dictated. In some cases, lack of respect after sex on the first date may not be why the relationship never matured. There were other factors, but that just happened to be the easiest one to point to.
Everyone goes out on dates with the hope that things will go well and you’ll hear from said date soon after, affirming that he’s feeling you as much as you are him. Unfortunately, that’s not always how it goes down. In fact it often goes like this: You sit. You wait. And he never calls. If you’re feeling as perplexed as we have about why he didn’t call after the date, allow us to offer up these explanations.
Be real with yourself, you know when you do these things on a first date the night is going nowhere but downhill.
You Keep Squinting
‘Cause he looks nothing like he did at the club.