All Articles Tagged "first date"
In recent years, the art of dating has begun to die slowly. Back in high school and college, dates were simple yet charming. A movie and IHOP was enough to acknowledge romantic interest, and considering young people relied heavily on a limited income (a.k.a., we were broke), something as simple as a $10 action flick and sharing a stack of pancakes was considered sweet and thoughtful. But as an adult, some men just aren’t courting in sweet and thoughtful ways. Nowadays, too many guys I’ve met online or IRL exert considerably less effort, despite having fatter pockets, and will eagerly invite a woman on a drive-by date instead of planning a well thought out show of affection.
In this meet online and “let’s grab drinks” generation, passing off an hour-long convo and a few drinks as romantic is as easy as swiping right. A few of my guy friends justify these “pre-dates,” or mini meet-ups, as a vetting process to determine whether a woman is worth investing a considerable amount of money or time on in the future. They view spending $50 (or less) as a come-up if their date turns out to be a better Mrs. Right Now then Mrs. Right. But even though they regard this behavior as completely normal, I view it as extremely juvenile and corny.
I’m not alone in my opinion either. At least once a month, Black Twitter erupts over this dating tactic. A good amount of men denounce $200 dates and women reply with 140 characters that basically translate to “I’m worth an expensive outing.” Don’t get me wrong; I’ve had my fair share of pricey rendezvous: five-star restaurants, concerts, and trips. And of course, I like the idea of a guy spending a little bit of money as he pursues me. But it’s not about how many Ben Franklins he drops on the check. I simply expect him to extend himself, whether monetarily or creatively, to express his interest. In short: How far did you go out of your way to get with me?
I want to spend quality time with someone I’m attracted to in an environment where we can vibe and wax poetic about everything from politics to family values. The spectrum of things that can be considered a nice date is vast since it mainly depends on the interests of the individuals. However, for me, nothing about chit-chatting over caramel macchiatos in a noisy Starbucks sounds like you want to date me. Sure, we can have great conversation, but a quick meet-up sounds like a business meeting, not a pleasurable outing. Why not find out if I like music (I do) and take those same caffeinated beverages to a record store where I can sift through Prince vinyl? That’s a good date idea and a good indication that a guy is not only paying attention but also likes me. Spontaneity goes a long way, too. So, if all I can expect is a couple of shots of Henny at some free before 10 struggle rap show, my curve game will be strong.
Granted, not everyone falls in love at first sight, and some people need a buffer before they dive into dating. So I say, gain some familiarity via text, not during a “hi and bye” sit-down over glasses of chardonnay. Whatever that initial spark was that prompted you to ask for someone’s number, explore it earnestly. That onset attraction, however minimal, is as sweet and honest as “Lemonade,” so why spoil it with something uninspired, unoriginal and as mindless as “Netflix and Chill”? It’s lazy really, and no litmus test for real chemistry. Even though my savage nature makes it a bit harder for any guy to impress me, I guarantee that for any man, an invitation to happy hour won’t cut it. In fact, that pre-dating trick is merely a precursor to an unhappy dating experience altogether.
I’m in no way saying a flight to Costa Rica is a required show of affection. In fact, bowling for two, a trip to a local fair or even IHOP are all still endearing dates without a hefty price tag. Dates women can appreciate I’m sure. The bottom line is, we just want to feel like individuals recognize and value our time, especially after we fuss over our hair and call our BFF 100 times to consult her about which dress to wear. The pre-date ruins that excitement and, frankly, is just so played out.
Dating should be fun, less guarded and as thoughtful and charming as those HS and college dates, not some low-key interview process to see if a girl is worthy of a second date. Be mindful that this person is pursuing you as well, and if you’re trying to keep their interest piqued, as the saying goes, it’s truly the thought that counts.
First impressions are everything. And whether we meet him on Tinder or at a work conference, we all have big expectations on a first date. After all, you could be meeting the man of your dreams, or at least your next main cuffing season squeeze.
So when it comes to first date high hopes, these are the signs we’re all looking for to let us know that he has potential. They’re what we’re all hoping happens between appetizers and dessert — and it’s hard to imagine scheduling a second date without them.
Do you have first date moves that you always look out for? Let us know what they are in the comment section and what you do when they just aren’t there. Would you give a man missing these qualities a second chance with another date? Or do you have a zero-tolerance policy when he doesn’t display your list of first-date musts?
First dates are never easy. There is a ton of pressure to make sure that your first impression isn’t a total bust and that you put your best foot forward. And while the knee-jerk reaction might be to have your potential boo plan a romantic dinner and a night out on the town, we here at MadameNoire have a slightly different perspective. Instead of a candlelit dinner, why not consider a midday meal? Here’s why a first date lunch is definitely the way to go.
Probably the most obvious benefit of opting for a more casual lunch date is the lessening of those first-date jitters. Instead of feeling like the pressure is on over a romantic dinner, a lunch date will feel far more laid back and easy-going. Plus you won’t be surrounded by other couples who could be piling on the PDA and making your first date more uncomfortable.
Dates are time-consuming, they take up space in your head — and your heart — and they can be expensive (if you need to take a cab home because things get weird). So why not skip some unnecessary second and third dates by asking these first date questions that show you who he really is?
I’m not saying you should be trying to get a woman home with you on a first date, but gentlemen, if you ever plan on making it from first to third and an eventual home run, you’re going to need to make a great first impression. That means doing at least one (or several) of these eight things.
I think we can all appreciate a man who is smart with his money. It shows that he is thinking about the bigger picture and is doing well for himself. But there’s a difference between being frugal and being cheap. Oh yeah, and doing the absolute most.
A girlfriend of mine has been trying her hand at online dating lately. She recently went out with a guy who, based on his profile, seemed like he could be a keeper. He was handsome, intelligent, they liked similar things, and she was excited about the prospect of finally meeting up with him.
And then he blew it.
Initially, everything was great. While talking to him about going on their first date, the guy had all kinds of nice ideas for trendy restaurants here in New York City that they could try. She was open to his suggestions, and the both of them seemed like they were on the page, hitting it off well. There were some small red flags here and there though. They mostly had to do with money:
“I’m giving you a coupon. The first three dates are on me, and then the fourth one, you can pay for. Cool?”
She assumed that he was joking so she laughed it off, but the more often they talked, the more he talked about money. Or better yet, they talked about his efforts to save it:
“We should definitely try this vegetarian restaurant in Park Slope down the line. I have this Groupon we can use that I don’t think has expired yet…”
Again, she didn’t think all that much of his comments. A coupon isn’t a big deal, right? She still thought he was an intriguing guy, so she decided to meet up with him for dinner. On date night, they were having a pretty good time getting to know each other. But then the bill came.
When the waiter came over, my friend’s date announced that he had a coupon that he would like to use. My friend wasn’t too crazy about this because it was literally their first date. A coupon on the second or third is one thing, but out of the gate? To her, it was a bit much. Still, she shrugged it off and reminded herself that there’s nothing wrong with trying to save money.
Well, the waiter told him that the coupon he had was not eligible for the meal they had ingested. It was only for certain dishes. Things went downhill from there. My friend’s date literally haggled back and forth with the waiter about the bill and being able to use the coupon. After at least five minutes, he asked to speak to the manager, who in the hopes of being relieved of such nonsense, broke down and conceded. Homeboy could use the coupon. He was pleased. She was not.
As she told me, it was one thing for him to use a coupon, something that already rubbed her the wrong way, but it was another for him to then literally fight to use it. It almost made her feel like an inconvenience, the idea that he would go out of his way to avoid paying the full tab to take her out on a first date. To her, it was insulting. It was extra. It was cheap. It was not a good message to send. And it was a wrap for him. She cut him off afterward, not even letting him know where he erred (I’m sure it was obvious though). She also blocked him on the online dating app they initially met and mingled on.
I can’t even be mad at her. While I’m all for individuals saving money (time is hard as I like to say), it would be nice if he had kept things discreet. Ranting and waving around a Groupon coupon on a first date isn’t really a good look, and that’s obviously not proper etiquette. In fact, it’s tacky as hell. If you know you don’t have the ducats to spend on a big meal at a restaurant, there are countless other first date options to try. Drinks. Coffee. Going for a walk in the park. Just anything but haggling in a crowded restaurant like you’re attempting to get the last pair of handmade earrings for the low-low in an open market overseas. That’s not sexy, and it’s not a good first impression to make. While there’s no need to feel ashamed about wanting to use a coupon, there’s no need to be so damn loud about it either. Sheesh.
But as always, that’s just my opinion. I’m always down to hear yours. Was he petty for going well out of his way to save money on their first date? Or was she petty for cutting him off after the fact?
The weekend has finally arrived and a highly anticipated moment you’ve been waiting for is vastly approaching: a first date. You’ve planned and prepped for the time when you would come face-to-face with a new guy in an intimate setting, all in an effort to get to know them on a personal level. You believe you’re all set. But whether it’s with someone new or someone familiar, an initial date is both exhilarating and unnerving. No matter how hard we try to display perfection, there are some very common mistakes we’ve all made that we wish we could take back. Here are a few examples.
“Don’t be tardy for the party…” Being very late for a first date takes the excitement out of things and can completely ruin it. And while we all know many unexpected things can happen, it’s still pretty annoying to have to wait forever and a day for someone, especially someone you don’t know very well and care very little about. Talk about a bad first impression. So on your next first date, make every attempt to be on time, and if you realize that you’re going to be more than an hour late, it may be best to reschedule.
When out on the town with someone, have you ever felt like you were the third wheel–to their phone? Ignoring your date to update a status or upload a pic can be upsetting. We all know how important our cellular devices are to us, but paying more attention to it than the person you’re with is disrespectful. If you find yourself doing this stop immediately and focus on your date. Or better yet, turn off your phone or just keep it in your purse when your date begins. After all, you’re there to get better acquainted with them; you already know your phone.
When a person takes time out of their lives to entertain you in any way, it’s a great thing and should be appreciated. Unfortunately, some people don’t think so. They take the kind gesture for granted and complain about everything they possibly can with no regard for their date’s feelings. Being unappreciative on a first date (or any date for that matter) is absurd and selfish. That person could be doing better things than listening to you whine, like saving money! Being a Debbie Downer will instantly ruin a first date; so if this is something you’ve done and you didn’t get a call for a second date, learn from this mistake and do better.
One great thing about going out with someone is the chance to have an intriguing conversation with them. But nothing can spoil a date faster than not having anything to talk about. It may be hard to open the door of communication on a first date, especially if you’re not the talkative type. If this is the case, do some brief research on hot topics you think your date may find interesting and take things from there, because there’s nothing worse than sitting across from someone and not having anything compelling to say to them. They’re better off watching paint dry on a wall.
Now the time has come, and the most important part of the date is here–how it ends. This is the part of the date that can make up for all the mistakes you made along the way and can possibly solidify a second date. Or it can be yet another blunder in a long list of them.
So you have a decision to make: to kiss or not to kiss? Whatever you decide to do, please be sure that your breath is fresh. There’s nothing worse than someone leaning in for a goodnight kiss and their breath reaching your face before their lips do. This mistake has been made many times on dates, and there is no excuse for it. Please bring along some breath mints or gum and stick a piece in your mouth before you make on your date. They saw what you ate for dinner, and I’m almost positive that they don’t want a sample of it from your tongue at the end of the night.
First dates are fun, but they can also be difficult because you want to impress the person you’re with by all means. And while things may not go perfect the first time around, think back on what you did and be sure you correct your mistakes before your next date, whether it’s with the same person or someone new. But, above all, be the person you are and have fun.
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For, a speaker and an advocate for single women. Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
When it comes to a first date, what are some things you expect to happen? Do you have a long list of wishes or simply take it all in stride? The dating game has certainly changed over the years. Here are some general expectations most may have for a first date. Some make sense, others we may need to loosen up on.
Research conducted by the dating app Clover finds that the top places for couples on a first date to meet these days are Starbucks and Chipotle, in that order. Rounding out the top five are Panera, The Cheesecake Factory and Texas Roadhouse.
The app looked at data taken from 200,000 users. They also found that men prefer heading to a restaurant on the first date while women prefer a coffee shop.
In fact, among the top 30 places chosen, many of them would be places for a date that costs $30 or less, from Yogurtland to Chili’s to In & Out Burger.
We’re going to toss out a couple of theories about these findings. First, on a first date, people want to keep things casual. And you want to have an out if the date goes south. No one wants to sit through additional courses if their dining companion is boring, a psycho, or both.
On top of that, however, we’re going to propose that precarious financial times have people thinking about dating in more economical terms. Where once a date was judged by how much you spent to impress, nowadays, more people understand that we’re recovering from a recession, for many, money is tight, and the joy of going out and meeting someone new over a cup of good coffee (seriously folks, a Flat White will make your whole life better) is more than enough.
Your thoughts? And, our own little informal data collection, where did you go on your last date?
At least if celebrities can have a bad date we know it’s a universal problem. Have a few shocking worst first date stories of your own? Share them with us.