All Articles Tagged "finding love"
From a young age, girls grow up thinking that a boyfriend will make them happy and life will be complete. When this thinking carries into adulthood, single women will focus too much on finding a boyfriend. Trying too hard leads to behaving and acting in ways that end up turning guys off. If you’ve been like these women, instead of coming across as desirable, you’ll seem desperate. Desperation is a definite turnoff to high quality men.
When you try too hard, here’s what happens
You’ll feel pressured to behave and act in certain ways when interacting with guys. This self-imposed pressure doesn’t let you to be your authentic self. When you aren’t being your true self, you won’t be able to connect with a man on a deep and meaningful level.
When things don’t go the way you want, you’ll be critical towards yourself. Beating yourself up gets in the way of loving yourself. When you don’t love yourself, you can’t expect a man to love you.
You’ll settle for less than you deserve. Let’s say a guy makes plans to take you out on Saturday night but you don’t hear from him. He calls you on Tuesday with an excuse that seems like a red flag. Once you’ve accepted this lame excuse, you’ve just lowered your standards.
You won’t be able to relax and enjoy the journey because you’re wondering how to get a boyfriend and are always on alert for this guy to show up in your life. This desperate and uptight energy you radiate will push a high quality man further away.
Read more at YourTango.com
Rules were meant to be broken, and this applies especially to matters of love and dating. When it comes to getting what you want out of relationships, sitting around and calculating methodic ways to do so—and considering what everyone else tells you to do—not only makes life move far too slowly, but often ends up confusing your partner/boyfriend/date. In the pursuit of being authentic, please disregard these long outdated rules.
As irritatingly new agey as it may sound, you completely control how you perceive the events in your life. If you exercise the control you have to digest a situation any way you want, then the truth is, nothing ever happens to you. You either let things happen, or you don’t. And a great example is that you either let yourself become bitter about love, or you don’t. No matter how many deliriously happy couples there are around you, or how often your mom reminds you your “clock is ticking,” when it comes to being bitter about love, there is nobody you can blame except yourself. Here are 14 behaviors to quit today if you’re ready to stop throwing your plate at the couple kissing on TV.
I’ve never been a big fan of this notion of soulmates, and after reading an article about a 2010 study on marriedcouples who thought they were soulmates, my suspicions have been sadly confirmed. According to this social research conducted by Marist College in Poughkeepsie, New York, “soulmate” couples are at a higher risk for divorce (150 percent versus other couples) and subsequently disenchantment.
Two-thirds of Americans believe in the romantic magic of soulmates. Yet, if these couples are destined to be together inrelationships that are “meant to be,” why did their marriages fail so devastatingly? As a dating coach for women over 40 with ten years of experience under my belt, I have my own theories on what causes these disastrous circumstances.’
Here are five essential reasons why I recommend you stop searching for your soulmate right now:
1. Intense passion is not sustainable. The social research study shows that couples who consider themselves to be soulmates came together in a whirlwind of excitement and passion. Their happiness stems from intense physical chemistry that is most often impossible to sustain because this type of attraction tends to fade with time.
Read the rest at YourTango
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by Jane Atkinson
Recently, it was reported that Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger’s advice was to “dumb it down” if you wanted to snag your man.
Is this what fabulous, intelligent women are reduced to these days…. games?
Ya, I’m gonna pass on the millionaire, Patti, especially if he’s looking for a vacuous bimbette to serve as arm candy.
And gentlemen, I would be surprised if you weren’t questioning this as well. If you’re going to spend the next 20, 30 or 40 years with someone, wouldn’t you like to have an intelligent conversation once in awhile?
FULL DISCLOSURE: On my path to finding my perfect partner, on many occasions I thought, “What am I doing wrong?” In sheer frustration, I’m pretty sure I might have tried something as ridiculous as dumbing it down.
Fortunately, it dawned on me right around my 40th birthday.
I wasn’t truly open to love; I was way too comfy and safe in my stylish little condo built for one. I had a successful consulting business, travel, great friends and family. The walls had gone up and even though I paid lip service to wanting true love, I really kept it at bay.
We’ve all heard that amazing Marianne Williamson quote, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
And fearful I was. I was playing small and safe in my little cocoon.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Intelligent ladies, I challenge you.
I challenge you to check in and ask yourself if you are playing small. What is it that you truly want?
When I saw the title of Andrea Michelle’s Uptown Magazine article Why White Women Are Winning, my eyes hit the ceiling. What a silly notion. What, exactly, is the sense in making white women some sort of normative group that black women should compare themselves to? While we do need to examine certain disparities across racial lines from time to time, I don’t think that marriage statistics is one of those issues; furthermore, as there is no proven universal standard white relationship behavior or black relationship behavior, we can’t make a reasoned comparison. Throw in the unique challenges that black women (and men) face in mating that are influenced by centuries of race-based oppression that white daters aren’t contending with and I’m already over this article before I read it.
And then I read it. And I was even more over it. To be fair, I was relieved to see that Michelle’s piece was not a nasty condemnation of black women for failing to be as adept at dating as white women; instead, she simply discussed the many advantages that white women have when it comes to meeting and marrying men and acknowledges that sisters may have to fight a bit harder for the elusive title of ‘wife’. I just think it was an incendiary title for a somewhat flimsy premise. Instead of worrying about what other women have, black women should focus on having the best lives they can achieve, romantically and otherwise.
While the ire I had preemptively formed for her piece turned to be unwarranted, LaShaun Williams’ response to the article was certainly worthy of all the eye-rolling and “What the hell are you talking about?” that one could summon up. I look forward to the day in which raking black women over the coals won’t be such a popular sport and I especially hope that black women themselves will get out of this despicable game.
Do you believe in love? I do. Whether it’s the belief in one soul mate, or the belief that one has the opportunity for many loves in a lifetime, experiencing love is indeed a wonderful thing. Love is such an incredible experience, and everyone should have. If you haven’t experienced it, or think you never will, I have a few words of encouragement and advice for you. There’s an old saying when it comes to finding love- “For every pot, there’s a lid.” Here are 10 Tips for Finding the Love of Your Life.