All Articles Tagged "finding happiness"
Some people are born with an optimistic attitude. Well, actually we all are; but some have learned the art of maintaining this happiness or optimism after departing the innocent stage of childhood. As growing women, many of us experience the same ups and downs of life. When it comes to the problems that many of us face, it’s pretty much the same script only a different cast. While some women’s problems are more severe than others, we all have our happiness tested. As failed relationships, disappointments, unachieved dreams, and a variety of other things creep into our lives, our happiness seems to creep out.
As cliché as it sounds, happiness is a state of mind. I’m sure when you’re feeling less than excited about circumstances in your life this is probably the last thing you want to hear. It’s almost worse than the generic consoling phrase, ‘it will get better.’
Still, we all know that eventually circumstances do get better, hearts are healed, and debt paid off; but it can become difficult to remain optimistic and exude happiness in the midst of these aggravating situations. While every day or every situation may not make you happy an overall happy existence is attainable, if you work at it.
So before you pour countless hours into unfulfilling jobs, subpar relationships, or other can-wait situations, try these 7 tips to find and maintain your happiness.
by Marissa Ellis
We often hear about how men love the chase. That theory comes up whenever one tries to explain why a certain male suitor loses interest after a woman gives up the goods after a first date or why when a woman makes the first move, it kind of backfires (in the end).
But this whole coveting what you can’t have is not just a male phenemonen, it’s one experienced by the ladies as well. Unfortunately, when women have that issue, the backlash is felt much more deeply. Since it’s more acceptable for men to pursue and go to great legnths to win the object of their desires, they’re not seen in a negative light for pursuing. But, they do suffer when they get what they want and still want what they can’t have. Which means they’re on to the next.
I myself have this problem. It’s agonizing actually. To want someone just because you can’t have him. What it means in my life is that I’m never satisfied with a relationship and when I’m out of a relationship, I’m stuck with experiencing crush after crush after crush. After many years of going through this, I know how dysfunctional and damaging this tendency of mine is. It was proven recently when I went out with a guy whom I had an intense crush on. Usually, I’ll keep my distance from crushes so as to maintain that feeling of yearning. This time, I guess the feelings were mutual. We went out a few times and wouldn’t you know it, I fast became disinterested. So where does that leave me? Searching for the new object of my desires and back into this cycle of agony and yearning to no end.
I’ve tried to explore what it is that makes me so dysfunctional when it comes to relationships. From reading online about this particular problem, I did discover that I do have some sort of commitment issue. Duh. But why? I’m not sure. My parents, although not in the greatest of relationships, have been married for over 25 years. No commitment-phobes in my household.
What I do know is that I have the same problem many people have when it comes to unhappiness. And that is that I tend to compare myself to people I don’t know or to out-of-reach celebrities. I don’t compare myself to the actual couples I know but to the best couples I’ve ever met. What I’m doing now is trying to remain concious of the fact that my way of thinking is not conducive to my overall mental health. It’s a day by day process but hopefully, soon enough, I’ll break this cycle.
Have you dealt with a similar problem? How have you coped?
More on Madame Noire!
- Shopping With the Enemy: 7 Signs You Might Have a “Frenemy” in Your Circle
- How To Cope With The Agony of Unrequited Love
- Boy, Bye!: 6 Stupid Reasons to Turn a Man Down
- 7 Things That Should Never Happen In The Bedroom
- Scent From the Heart: 10 Fragrances Perfect for Valentine’s Day
- Ish is Getting Real: Gonorrhea’s Becoming Untreatable
- Hair Q&A: Front Edges and Dry Scalp
- Don’t Get It Twisted: Mo and Kita Say Terrell Owens Betrayed Them
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Even though many miss the fact that Oprah is not on the air, doling out spiritual lessons on happiness, goal-setting and passion, there are still a myriad of sources out there to keep us on track. Having The Alchemist, The Power of Now and any book by the Dalai Lama certainly helps; the internet provides an endless supply of inspiration from life coaches and therapists, and of course, there is the Sunday service. In the days since “self help” and positive psychology exploded onto popular culture, we have definitely not been lacking for guidance. The challenge is to remind ourselves of the most important tenets day to day. Here are just a handful of the most important beliefs, lessons and tenets about happiness that have re-emerged during this “self-help” age.