All Articles Tagged "fighting fair"
You’ve heard it many times before but that’s because it’s true: fighting is a necessary part of a healthy relationship. If you’re with a guy and you fight here and there, consider yourself to have found a good match. Fighting doesn’t always have to be detrimental to a relationship. In fact, it’s human nature to have conflict. However, in order to keep fighting between you and your man beneficial, there are some dos and don’ts that definitely need to be followed, or else fighting can become a relationship ender.
In any close-knit relationship, arguing, fussing and fighting is pretty natural…almost a given. When two people are closely linked or intimately connected, arguing is a form of communication that simply comes with the territory. Whether or not you master this communication, however, is what determines if your relationship is meant to last forever…or for right now. If you care enough about your partner and want a long-term relationship, arguments shouldn’t be anything to fear or worry about – unless those arguments become abusive. In fact, some arguments can serve as healthy barometers to test the strength of your relationship. Do you really want to work it out and stick together? Here are some healthy, productive ways you can disagree in order to make your relationship stronger…and last longer.
So you’re cruising along in an amicable relationship, and you’re wondering if, at 6 months or a year into it, your man has long-term relationship potential. After all, if a long-term relationship or marriage is what you’re ultimately looking for, you might have to take stock of your relationship early on before you get too far in – involved, in love, in debt or in denial. After putting in work getting to know someone and spending time with them, you want to believe that your current boo could be your “happily ever after” guy – not just a distraction or someone taking up space. If you want to make sure you’re on the right track, or spinning your wheels, here are some things to take inventory of to make sure you’re headed in the right direction and not wasting your precious time.
By Carin Goldstein
I admit it. In the past, I’ve made a comment or two (or three or four) to my husband that if I were caught on camera, one would think, O.M.G. What a major b****! Yes, I know you’ve been there too, because what else are you b****ing about with your girlfriends when the topic of husbands come up?
I’m here to tell you that I’ve learned to tame my sharp tongue and reactions because to me, the damage my words can do is surely not worth it. Especially when my words deeply affect my marriage or any close relationship in my life. As much emotion, anger or frustration I feel in the moment, the idea of saying something that could feel attacking, rejecting, condescending, etc. to my husband makes me feel truly sad.
Obviously, what’s giggled over “Ladies’ Cocktail Hour” stays in Ladies’ Cocktail Hour, but you are accountable as to how you react, respond and communicate to your husband. Frankly put, it wouldn’t hurt for you to scrape up some compassion as far as how you talk to him.
1. “What’s wrong with you?” Honestly, it’s comparable to chopping off his penis. Saying it in fun gesture is one thing, but when you respond with this comment because your husband forgot to pick up the milk on the way home, I can assure you that he’ll never ever offer to pick up the milk again.
Attacking someone with words is a sideways way of expressing your feelings. If you feel frustrated that he forgot “the one thing” you asked him to do, instead try this: “I know you’re not trying to forget what I asked you to do, but when you do forget what I’ve asked you to help me with, I feel like my needs don’t matter. Will you please do what you can to remember next time?”
Check out the other four comments you should never make on YourTango.com.
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It’s that moment. You feel like if you open your mouth the only words that will come out, no matter how hard you try, will be the line you’ve got prepared—maybe it’s passive aggressive, accusatory, begins with a deep sob or a shake of the head. But you’re about to tell him: you’re mad. Even though we get overwhelmed by our emotions sometimes, if we can, we should pause before picking our next fight just to make sure it’s worth it. Or, if it’s even fair. It’s hard to be logical at that moment just before explosion, so if you have some questions ready for yourself, you might have a chance at avoiding a blowup.