All Articles Tagged "fatherhood"
After two seasons of Marrying The Game, most of us couldn’t tell you if the former G-Unit rapper and his longtime fiancée, Tiffney Cambridge, will ever make it down the isle. However, one thing that we do know for sure is that he’s totally in love with his adorable three-year-old daughter, Cali. During a recent appearance on Arsenio, fans ooh’d and ahh’d as they watched the gangster rapper turn to mush and nearly shed tears while discussing the joys of raising a baby girl.
“For any man that has a daughter, she means more to me than life itself. When I look into her eyes, that’s all I need to do to get me going. I’m motivated when I look at that little girl,” he expressed.
The rapper-turned-reality-star then went on to reveal just how enamored with Cali he actually is.
“It’s almost like she’s a friend or somebody else’s child. I’m so intrigued. I study her. She’s like, ‘Daddy, what are you looking at?’ I’m just like, ‘YOU!’he continued.
Not wanting to look like a cry baby on national television, he then joked that if the conversation continued, he’d probably start tearing up.
“She means everything to me. That’s my cut off time because if I talk about her for more than 30 seconds I’m gonna cry.”
“This is my family. This is my balance. Once I walk out that door life.”
How freaking adorable!
Turn the page to see what happens once Cali joined Arsenio and The Game on the set.
As much as we try to push for gender equality, it always seems like there are certain ideals we just can’t get over. Take the birth of a child for example. It’s almost assumed that a mother will take all of her company’s provided maternity leave, and for good purpose. But what about the fellas?
I was surprised to find out that more companies in the U.S. are considering paternity leave so fathers can also bond with their newest additions. According to a report published in The Wall Street Journal, 15 percent of companies are offering paid leave for new fathers. Bank of America for example allows 12 weeks of paid leave while Yahoo! leaves eight weeks on the table for guys to take.
And let’s not forget new daddy Prince William who opted to take advantage of his company’s paternity leave to spend time with wife Kate Middleton and their son, Prince George of Cambridge. Granted Prince William can basically do no wrong in the public eye (and kind of do whatever he wants since he’s the future king), but he has nonetheless received praise for his efforts to put his family first by taking paternity leave.
At least in the U.S., the idea of becoming “Mr. Mom” is often frowned upon by men and even some women, which might explain why the concept of paternity leave is not a common one in the workplace. It also shouldn’t be a shock that the average guy would decline paternity leave from his company. Most were trained from birth to be more of a provider and less of a nurturer in the home. For this reason men who do take paid leave are often mocked by their peers for choosing family life over their job, making them feel like less of a man. Because of this, a good chunk of our men are reluctant to spend time at home with their child.
And let’s talk about black men in particular, who already have stereotypes associated with them keeping a job and being a dad. Would their desire to take paternity leave be considered a Prince William move in favor of family, or just an excuse to collect a check without doing work?
What’s worse is that it’s not always society that thinks this way. We, too, hold on to these gender ideals and expectations of how a black man should be. I have seen black women firsthand turn their noses up at the thought of men of color choosing to stay at home to take care of the kids. He’s lazy. He can’t hold a job. Why is he mooching off his lady? What’s funny is that a few times, he turned out to be a working father who took advantage of his paternity leave to assist his woman. Sure you may see him during the day with his children, but you don’t know the back story and how a person’s household works for them.
How many of us pray and cross our fingers for a good man who will not only hold things down, but also step up on the parenting side and be the ideal father? If so, why not give them the opportunity to do so by encouraging them to take the paternity leave? In the end, it only helps us out as constant feedings and nurturing a newborn is a very taxing responsibility for one person. This is a beautiful opportunity for new dads to bond with their children and studies have shown dads that take the leave are even more involved in their children’s life. Plus it’s paid leave!
Though it’s not mandated in the United States, paternity leave should be encouraged if the opportunity exists. There is nothing sexier than a proud father who wants to spend more time with this kid.
If you ain’t already know, Jay-Z’ Magna Carta Holy Grail album has already been certified platinum, though today was the official release date. We’re sure those Samsung sales didn’t hurt not one bit. In addition to chatting with folks on Twitter yesterday, Jay-Z decided to swing by Hot 97 for a “surprise” interview with Angie Martinez. She got to ask him all types of questions. Check out his responses below and listen to the entire interview on the last page.
On failure: “I fail all the time. I’m a person that loves to win. I don’t hate to lose.”
Fatherhood: “It’s more reaffirming. The things that’s really important in life and editing your life in such a way that you don’t have anything that’s distracting you, anything that takes away from that time you can be with your child.”
Money: “I just don’t need money. … I think success is just being able to do what you like to do on your terms.”
Miley Cyrus: “Miley’s serious. I like what she’s doing right now. She’s fearless. I think it’s more a reaction to people wanting her to be Hannah Montana. Just watching the situation, people want her to be something and she’s like, ‘I’m not that. I was six years old. You want me to be six years old forever?’ And this is her reaction to it. Maybe it’s loud, but it’s understandable.”
Beyoncé’s new music: “Right now, B has a hundred thousand amazing songs.
A Best of Both Worlds-type album with Beyoncé: “No way. You see how that ended.”
Dame Dash: “No matter how many years I ain’t see him, the love is still there because what we’ve done will forever be stamped in history… I have ultimate confidence in him that he’ll find his way because he’s an amazing and really smart guy. He’s a hustler and he’s highly intelligent. I always root for him and always believe that he’ll find his way out of it.”
You know, that Jay-Z always gives us those moments where you’re like, “I really like that guy.”
As you know, Samsung has been releasing new commercials left and right in support of Jay-Z’s new album, Magna Carta Holy Grail, which is supposed to be released on July 4th. Well, a new commercial has surfaced and this time, it focuses on one of his main girls:
Blue Ivy Carter.
In the spot, Jay is talking to hip-hop legend Rick Rubin about what his thought process has been since becoming a father. Although the commercial is less than a minute long, Jay is able to clearly communicate how scared he was to become a father because his own dad left him at a very young age and he didn’t learn how to be a man. Further, he said he didn’t really get a sense of how he should treat a woman.
It’s pretty easy to hear the emotion in his voice when he opens up to Rubin about his thoughts.
Something tells me that at the very least, he is trying to become a superdad.
Check out the commercial for “JAY Z BLUE” below.
Happy Post Father’s Day to all the dudes out there who are actively involved in the lives of young people – whether they are biological fathers or not – because apparently, being a stand-up dude is purely optional.
At least that is the message I got from this New York Times editorial in which writer Laurie Shrage, who is also a professor of gender studies, argues that just because a man “accidentally” gets a woman pregnant, shouldn’t mean that he should be forced to bear the legal responsibilities of the child. As Shrage, explains it, this phenomenon is called forced fatherhood, as she labels it, and it is akin to punishing men for sexual promiscuity. According to her, there needs to be a more expansive definition of fatherhood, particularly in the court systems, to better accommodate men who are not the biological father of a child but still decide to raise them, as well to include men whose only connection to a child is being a sp*rm donor. From Shrage’s editorial:
“Court-ordered child support does make sense, say, in the case of a divorce, when a man who is already raising a child separates from the child’s mother, and when the child’s mother retains custody of the child. In such cases, expectations of continued financial support recognize and stabilize a parent’s continued caregiving role in a child’s life. However, just as court-ordered child support does not make sense when a woman goes to a sp*rm bank and obtains sp*rm from a donor who has not agreed to father the resulting child, it does not make sense when a woman is impregnated (accidentally or possibly by her choice) from sex with a partner who has not agreed to father a child with her. In consenting to sex, neither a man nor a woman gives consent to become a parent, just as in consenting to any activity, one does not consent to yield to all the accidental outcomes that might flow from that activity. ”
To Shrage’s larger point, the child support system needs to be overhauled as well. There are few folks, who I would think would argue that the system in its current state is of benefit to mother, father, or child involved. And with anywhere between 14 to 24 of fathers in the system below the poverty line, slapping an order of support, which he is unlikely to be able to pay, does not seem beneficial. I also agree with her point about a new expansive definition to include the men, who have voluntarily stepped up and taken on the role as father in a child’s life. However, as bad as this current system is, having a system where a man can pick and choose which of his off-spring he deems worthy of his last name doesn’t seem very progressive – in fact, it sounds very regressive to the times of old when men did that very same thing and were well within their legal right to do so.
Likewise, I personally find it hard to imagine there being an epidemic of men being forced into parenthood against their objection. Even providing anecdotal stories about women hijacking sp*rm from a condom some poor schmuck left behind likely pales in comparison to the stories of men, who were willing participants in sexual intercourse, which ultimately led to conception. And to be clear, short of stealing a man’s sp*rm, the claim of forced fatherhood is really a dubious, and slightly offensive one, particularly to people who have had forced sexual relationships put upon them.
Sure, we can argue that men have little say-so in determining the progression of an unplanned pregnancy, however, that is because the job of impregnating and giving actual birth is not equal. And I think that this is a point that needs to further be emphasized as folks of all genders do take pregnancy for granted. This is in part due to modern technology, which has greatly decreased most of the risk that used to be associated with pregnancy and labor. However, folks should understand that pregnancy is still a pretty dangerous job and women really do put their lives on the line in order to birth the next generation of human beings. Despite the fact that the number of maternal deaths worldwide dropped from more than 543,000 to 287,000, some 800 women still die daily from even the most preventable complications due to pregnancy and labor.
Put aside the mostly non-life threatening side effects of pregnancy including nausea and vomiting, constipation, heartburn, swelling and bloating, hemorrhoids, hair loss, and a whole host of other unpleasant ailments, and let’s talk about the more serious complications: high blood pressure and hypertension; gestational diabetes; eclampsia; blood clots; broken bones; infection; hemorrhaging, and even death. Not to mention the complications, which can come from having to have a non-v*ginal birth (c-section) and all the after-birth side effects like postpartum depression.
Since men are physically incapable of bearing these life-altering and threatening burdens of pregnancy, it doesn’t make sense – legal or otherwise – that they should have a say in a decision, which has a profound affect on one’s body. And if any man has a problem with that, tell him to take it up with Mother Nature.
Although the final decision about the progression of a pregnancy and labor belongs to the woman, men are not totally without choice to prevent unplanned fatherhood. I think what is most interesting about these decisions, which come up around the idea of men being allowed to legally terminate parental rights, is that we tend to skip over the same same sort of personal responsibility ethos, which has been shoved down the throats of women. Sort of how there is a movement now to teach men not to rape, as opposed to just telling women how to prevent rape, we need to start drilling in the minds of men the importance of taking their reproductive choices seriously. And if they don’t, there will be serious and life-altering consequences, including being stuck legally and financially to a child you might not be ready for.
We should reinforce to men that once they let that seed separate from their body, and into another’s body, you basically give consent to use said seed for whatever purpose one see’s fit, including biological. We should tell guys that not only is abstinence an acceptable and reasonable option, but just in case they can’t wait, at least try to be more selective in their sexual relationships. Likewise, if they can’t count on the success rate of condoms, perhaps they should explore other birth control options, including a vasectomy, which again, thanks to modern technology, is now reversible. Some guys I know don’t even like to think about that option because it is “too invasive.” Go figure.
With Father’s Day right around the corner, we couldn’t pass up the opportunity to chat with some celebrity dads about what that day means to them and what it’s like raising little ones the other 364 days of the year. When Lyfe Jennings dropped by the office, we asked the father of three, whose been no stranger to drama with the mother of his children, what it’s like raising a young daughter and what advice he has for fathers who are struggling to accept their responsibility as a parent. Check out what he had to say.
About This Episode
In this bonus clip of Mommy In Chief, these fathers finish the interesting discussion from the first segment of Ask a Black Father. We posed all of our questions about parenthood to real dads. We’ve welcomed three spirited fathers to share their joys and pains of fatherhood with us. The following questions are addressed in this segment:
1. What are some challenges that you want to talk about that you face when you raise your kids?
2. How is it that some fathers can go through life ignoring their kids as if they don’t exist?
3. What would you like to differently than your father?
Ladies, you definitely don’t want to miss this. When do we ever see great fathers giving us the honest truth about fatherhood?
Want More Mommy In Chief? Watch these episodes:
- Episode 1: Mommy-To-Be: Pregnancy In 3 Stages
- Episode 2: The Truth About Breastfeeding
- Episode 3: Delivery Debate: Natural Birth Vs. C-Section
- Episode 4: The Perfect Mother’s Day Gift
- Episode 5: Actress Kym Whitley Talks New Baby & Food Allergies for Kids
- Episode 6: Keeping Your Child Entertained This Summer Without TV
- Episode 7: Ask a Black Father | Mommy in Chief Father’s Day Special
- Episode 8: Building Your Child’s Self Esteem
- Episode 1: Are You A Good Enough Mother?
- Episode 2: New Motherhood and Balancing A Busy Work Life
- Episode 3: How to Decorate an Eco-Friendly Baby Nursery
- Episode 4: Foodie, Nicole Friday on Kids and Career
- Episode 5: Melissa Beck, From Hollywood to Stay At Home Mom
- Episode 6: Single Mom in The City
- Episode 7: Mommy Mogul and Marketing Wiz Monique Jackson at Home With Her Boys
- Episode 8: Beauty Maven Jodie Patterson Talks Four-Day Work Week for Moms
- Episode 9: Tonya Lewis Lee on Motherhood and the Importance of Women’s Health
- Episode 1: Back 2 School
- Episode 2: Happy Halloween
- Episode 3: Socially Responsible Kids
- Episode 4: Money Talks
- Episode 5: Keeping Families Healthy
- Episode 6: Thanksgiving Madness
- Episode 7: Highlights and Best Moments
- Episode 8: Stylish Moms
- Episode 9: Best Apps for Moms
- Episode 10: Socialite Kids
- Episode 11: Hair Talk with AfroBella
- Episode 12: Happy New Year!
What a dreamboat! New dad and box office darling Channing Tatum flexes his leading man good looks on the cover of Vanity Fair. He’s dubbed “An Action Hero Who Can Act” in the July issue, but the in-demand star is clearly focused on his new role as adoring dad. Channing and his wife Jenna Dewan-Tatum announced the birth of their baby daughter Everly, born on May 31. The adoring dad says that he wants to take a freestyle approach to parenthood. Above all, he just wants to be a good friend to his little lady:
“I don’t know anyone who did have perfect parents. It’s provided me with lessons I’ll try to improve upon when I’m up to bat. I’m just going to be a good friend to my kid. One thing I definitely want to change is that whole ‘I don’t want you to make the same mistakes’ mentality. My dad didn’t have much money growing up; he didn’t have much of an education. He forced that on me, and I didn’t want it.”
What’s more, Channing poses in Jenna’s favorite look on her man, sweatpants and a wifebeater. Caught the “I love you” written on his sweats? We so love you too, Chan!
Check out photos from Channing’s Vanity Fair cover shoot too!
Read and see more at StyleBlazer.com
If I’m at a point in my life where I want kids and a woman tells me she doesn’t want them, we’d never make it past friendship.
When dealing with relationships, women are usually pretty good for cutting off men when there’s a difference of opinion on where the relationship is going. Men tend to move in the same manner. When it comes to dealing with a woman who doesn’t want children, I can definitely see men reacting like “Winston.”
While reading My Date Told Me It Wasn’t Going Work Because I Didn’t Want Kids In A Year the author, Danielle Young, tells a story of being approached by a great guy, Winston, on her way home from work. Winston, 35, told Danielle, 28, he wanted to have kids within the next year. Winston felt as if his wanting kids had been a relationship deal breaker in the past and so he wanted Danielle to know where he stood from the beginning. Though intrigued by his honesty, Young wasn’t ready for children and made it clear to Winston. After the 2nd date, Winston called Young to tell her he appreciated the time they spent together, but since she didn’t want kids they should go no further.
I agree with Winston’s decision, but I’m 27, so I likely would’ve made a different one.
At 27, I’m young enough to feel like I have plenty of time left. I look forward to being married and having children one day, but I also acknowledge that day isn’t coming anytime soon. When I was dating around, I’d keep an open mind on something like the topic of marriage and children because it wasn’t something that I planned for in the immediate future. People hold thoughts in the present they may no longer hold in the future, so if someone wasn’t exactly ready for that type of commitment, then it wasn’t something I lost sleep over. There’s plenty of time for things to change, as Danielle pointed out regarding her situation with Winston:
“I don’t want kids next year. I honestly don’t even know if I want them at all. But I do know if I found the right partner, who would support me and our child fully, I could see myself as a mother. Winston had me believing that I could indeed be a mother, despite my hesitation.”
If I was 35 years old, however, and I’d been through the “maybe she’ll change her mind” experience and it had never worked out in my favor, I’d be going the Winston route. Contrary to popular belief, there’s a very large segment of the male population who wishes to be active fathers and loving husbands. While men don’t have biological clocks, if we want to be fathers at some point we’re watching the “life clock” with the same fervor as women.
The older we get the less time we have to waste. At 35, I wouldn’t have the time for a career woman who has a cavalier attitude about marriage and children. Or, for that matter, a woman who needed to be convinced motherhood is for them. At that point, waiting to change someone’s mind or waiting for them to come around is more of a hassle than it’s worth. Add in the issue there’s a chance I’d be convincing someone to do something they may not want to do and it just isn’t worth the effort. Last I checked, 35 was close to 40, 40 was close to 50, and 50 seems like every day could end with “the big one” (word to Fred Sanford).
At my age, I’m not completely worried about a woman’s interest in children as soon as I meet her. There’s a chance that women who never saw themselves as mothers never met someone who they felt would change their mind. A relationship with a woman like this has potential to go pretty decently until I find myself at the age where fatherhood is what I want next. If I’m 35, I’m telling any woman I meet on day one, “I want children and if you’re not trying to have any then we might as well forget everything here and go on about our business.”
For more on RealGoesRight’s opinions on men and women, be sure to check him out with the all-star collective of black men writers over on SingleBlackMale.Org. If you prefer something a bit more direct, feel free to follow him on Twitter at @RealGoesRight and subscribe to his blog at RealGoesRight.Com.