All Articles Tagged "family"
You know they say that parents and grandparents aren’t supposed to have favorites. But my sister and I are clearly my grandfather’s favorites. And that’s no shade to my cousins. I’m sure he’d like some of them more than us if we’d all spent equal amounts of time with him. It just so happens that we’re the ones who’ve been around him the most. He calls us his darlings. Which makes me smile with my heart.
But with all that love and affection comes worry and agitation. And at times, that’s been annoying. Like the time he saw my senior pictures and told me I needed to dress more conservatively, like my friend. Or right before I went off to college and he told me I needed to straighten my hair and take the ring out of my nose if I ever wanted to get a job.
I think I’ve successfully proven that showing a little skin, nappy hair and a nose ring won’t hold me back. But now, he’s directed his attention to making sure that my sister and I find husbands.
I think my grandfather has finally learned not to come to me with any more criticisms because I learned of his worry through my mother.
“You know your Big Daddy is really concerned about you and Vanessa getting married. He said that when sisters are as close as you two are, it’s hard for them to find love.”
I knew my Big Daddy was probably comparing us to one set of sisters in particular. The Odd* Sisters, who as far as I knew, were in their seventies, dressed like twins, attended church faithfully every Sabbath and had never been married.
At first, I dismissed my grandfather’s concern; but several months and several signs later, I realize he might not have been so far off base.
The other day I watched a BuzzFeed video about weird things all couple’s argue about. And I could relate to quite a few of those scenarios because they reminded me of me and my sister. The laughter is real hearty and the reality slightly unsettling when you realize you and sister sometimes carry on like an old married couple.
Recently, my sister and I started re-watching old “Will and Grace” episodes. And there’s one episode where Grace realizes that she’s lost her zeal for dating and men because she’s so close to her roommate and best friend Will. And while I can say with absolute certainty that I would love to go out on a date with a decent guy, I can completely understand not wanting to introduce yourself to a new man, doing the work and research to find out if said man is crazy, misogynistic or dishonest when you literally have someone at home who you know, love, trust and can have an incredible time with.
Even if there’s no making out at the end of the night, dancing around the living room, laughing until we cry and watching nostalgic tv with my sister is quite awesome. So awesome in fact, it would be no small feat for a man, first meeting me, to top that.
So I do get where my grandfather was coming from. And I sincerely hope the very special relationship I share with my sister doesn’t turn into something dysfunctional, where we rely on each other for our every happiness.
But I don’t think it will. We both know what we want out of life. And anything we’ve wanted, really wanted, we’ve worked to get.
First, I know we both want to go on dates with charming, cute and quality men who are respectful and have full lips. We want fulfilling careers. We want to help people. Be women we can both be proud of. And we want marriage and babies.
I’ll be the first to tell anyone while I would never choose to raise a child by myself, at the end of the day, when I think about my life as a whole, my legacy as a mother will be more important than my legacy as a wife.
And I believe it will happen. I don’t know how I’ll get there or when it will be but I see it for myself. And unlike Grace in that episode, I won’t attempt to cut my best friend off just to make sure I’m “putting myself out there” like I should. I don’t believe in forcing any type of relationship. They should be organic, happening when and as they’re supposed to. I don’t believe in strategically planting myself at any particular place or dressing a particular way to find a man, will me get married and able to give my mother the grandbabies she wants.
So if my grandfather were to bring this worry to me personally, I would tell him he’s right. No man could ever even hope to break through the impenetrable bond my sister and I have formed. But if he’s right, and that’s the key, he won’t have to. We’ll just make room for him.
Lala Anthony a mom, wife, author, media personality and businesswoman. It’s safe to say that her plate is pretty full, but is she ready to add to it? The real-life basketball wife appears on the August 2014 cover of Latina and she looks absolutely amazing. Inside, she discusses the possibility of having another child with hubby, Carmelo Anthony.
“I do start feeling bad because [my son, Kiyan, 7, will] ask about a baby [sibling] and I feel a little selfish,” the 35-year-old mom said. “If I did have another child, the reason would be that I wouldn’t want my son to be alone in the world as an only child. But we’ll see.”
Speaking of parenting, Lala also reflected on how her mom’s actions helps to guide her through motherhood.
“I always go to my mom for advice. Even when I went through crazy phases in my life, she allowed me to be me and never said, ‘You shouldn’t be doing that!’ She’d just give me the pros and cons and allowed me to make my own decisions. I hope I am my son’s best friend, and I want him to feel like he can come talk to me about anything—good or bad, because that’s what I used to do with my mom. If they can’t talk to you, that’s when they go to outside influences and they might make wrong choices.”
She also touched on her recently released relationships book, “The Love Playbook,” which she says she is constantly receiving positive feedback about.
“Almost every day I get handfuls of people coming up to me and telling me, ‘Your book changed my life. You gave me confidence to leave an abusive relationship and believe in myself.’ To me that’s the true success, not necessarily being number one.”
Of course, being so successful could sometimes mean that quality time with her family can be compromised. But, in her downtime, the “Think Like A Man Too” actress says that she loves to kick back and catch a movie with Melo and Kiyan.
“My husband, my son and I have the best time when it’s just the three of us. It’s nice to all be together, put a movie on, lie in the bed and laugh. That’s my idea of a perfect, fun time.”
Check out Lala’s full interview in the August 2014 issue of Latina.
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise
Are your feelings about your relationship a total roller coaster? Are you on the verge of dumping your man one day, and hoping he proposes the next? You probably don’t look inside to know what to think about your relationship, but instead let your friends and family dictate it.
They say the family that prays together stays together, but how about the family that works together, stays together? Or the family that walks red carpets together stays together? No? Anyway, check out of our favorite celebrity families who are becoming power houses in the 21st century and inspiring us to make better family units ourselves!
‘Communication Will Save You Half The Drama:’ Christina Milian Offers Post-Divorce Co-Parenting Advice
Since calling out ex-husband, The-Dream, as a deadbeat dad a few years ago, singer and actress Christina Milian appears to be in a much better place. So much so, that during a recent appearance on “Good Morning America,” the actress and singer offered advice for co-parenting post divorce.
“Take a second and breathe. You know, have the best intentions. Pray on it,” she explained. “I think that communication will save you half the drama. You know, it makes things so much easier. And I think I learned that. I went to therapy early on in my divorce.”
Because she’s in a much better place since overcoming the initial hurdles of co-parenting in the wake of an ugly divorce, Christina says she’s in a position to help others.
“I feel like I’m in a good place, then all the better to just put it out there and hope that it can help someone else. She added, “We all figure it out,” she said. “Sometimes, you just got to take it, take the lesson, and learn, and know that this happened for a reason.”
As for when she feels is an appropriate time to introduce your children to a new love interest, the engaged singer says definitely take your time.
“I think it’s very important to take your time when introducing a new person into your child’s life. You want to make sure this is going to work out so you’re not introducing them to a new person over and over again because you never know who is going to be the one.”
Despite the unique dynamic of their blended family, Christina says four-year-old Violet has a great understanding that she’s deeply loved by both her mother and father—even though they’re not together anymore.
“My motivation at the end of the day was making sure that my daughter had two parents that were in her life consistently, She’s a really smart girl and I think she has a healthy understanding of knowing that mommy and daddy are no longer together but we both love her.”
On February 14 my husband, James, and I welcomed our little girl, Anna James (AJ), to our family. I had lost my uterus to fibroids five years earlier, so we turned to surrogacy as a way to have our own biological child. We were already raising Parker, our spirited 12-year-old daughter from my previous marriage, and with AJ’s arrival I became a 40-year-old mom of a new-born and a tween.
The idea of balancing two children with a 12-year age gap between them, a still-young marriage and two full-time jobs (my self-titled MSNBC show in New York City and a Tulane University professorship in New Orleans) had me panicked that first night in the hospital.
But my anxiety transformed into deep sadness the next day, when, after 30 hours of deliberation, a Florida jury returned a verdict in the case of the death of Jordan Davis. The jurors found 47-year-old Michael Dunn guilty on three counts of attempted second-degree murder for shooting into an SUV full of African-American teenagers. During a dispute with the teens about loud hip-hop music at a gas station, Dunn fired ten bullets into their vehicle, killing 17-year-old Davis, who was sitting in the backseat. On the charge of first-degree murder, which was tied directly to Davis’s death, the jury was hung. Finding Dunn guilty on the attempted murder counts means that it’s likely he will spend decades in prison, but like many others who followed this case closely, I had lingering angst that Davis’s killing would not be legally recognized as murder.
I met Davis’s mother, Lucia McBath, when she appeared on my show last August. She joined me on the same day I hosted Sybrina Fulton, the mother of murdered teen Trayvon Martin, and Myrlie Evers-Williams, the widow of Mississippi civil rights leader Medgar Evers. I was struck by the reality that the father of Evers-Williams’s children was ripped from them by an assassin 50 years earlier, the killer of Fulton’s son was set free by another Florida jury the month before our taping and McBath was still waiting to learn if her slain son would receive justice. These women had all experienced unspeakable suffering, but were still compelled to bear witness to their tragedies.
Read more about Melissa Harris Perry’s motherhood journey at EurWeb.com
Naomi Campbell is 43 and just getting serious about having kids. That’s a long time to miss the tick.
Could your biological clock be going off? Time to recognize the signs.
Dear Dr. Sherry,
My father is very excited because I’m eight months pregnant with his first grandchild, a baby girl. He’s already making plans to babysit and spend time with her. While I appreciate his enthusiasm, my issue is that I don’t have a relationship with my stepmother—it doesn’t go beyond pleasantries whenever were see each other. My dad cheated on my mom with her and subsequently married her years later when I was a teenager. My mom passed away last year. I know of many paternal relatives who would expect me to see my stepmother as my child’s grandmother, but I just don’t feel it’s right. After all, they always told me to accept her as my own mother even when my own was alive. I don’t trust her because she and my dad caused my family so much pain. My dad will always be my dad so I must strive to maintain a relationship with him. I’d prefer my dad to interact with my child in my territory because I don’t want a bond to form between my child and his wife. If anyone will be called “grandma” on my side, it will be my maternal aunts. I don’t know how to explain this to my dad, and my husband thinks I’m being too strict. If we happen to visit my dad, his wife may interact with the child some, but I’d never want to leave my daughter with both of them because knowing their dynamic, she would provide most of the care and have influence over her. If it’s just my dad, it’s a different case.
Am I overreacting?
Protective Mother, Cautious Daughter
Read Dr.Sherry’s response at Essence.com
Lupita Nyong’o’s award-winning performance as Patsey in Steve McQueen’s “12 Years A Slave” may very well have a connection to the actress’ family lineage,according to her father Peter Anyang’ Nyong’o.
During a recent interview with British newspaper, The Independent, the senior Kenyan politician revealed details on how his family once experienced a string of abuse and torture due to their opposition from the regime of then-Kenyan president, Daniel arap Moi. The Nyong’o family’s firm stance towards the East African country’s government resulted in the attack and disappearance of Lupita’s uncle, Charles Nyong’o in 1980.
“Even now, no information has come to light. I know he was on a ferry in Mombasa and witnesses who I managed to talk to told me clearly that it was not an accident and he had been attacked and pushed off the ferry,” Peter said to the newspaper. “But the witnesses were too terrified to testify to the police… I spoke to members of the Kenyan Special Branch and someone informed me that they knew what happened. They were not willing to help in any way whatsoever because of that.”
The malicious attack prompted the 69-year-old and his wife, Dorothy, to relocate to Mexico prior to the birth of Lupita in 1983, before returning to Kenya in 1987, where the family endured more harassment from Moi’s regime.
“I was being picked up monthly and weekly. It would depend on the period,” he recalled. “It was as often as they wanted. It was mainly psychological for me, although it was physical for others. You could not wash for days, you were harassed, threatened, you couldn’t sleep and it becomes unbearable.”
Read more about The Nyong’o family at BlackVoices.com
From The Grio
Amira Ali stood nervously in the Denver International Airport, waiting to meet the daughter she hadn’t seen in 24 years.
“America saved my life,” said Ali, who arrived in the U.S. decades ago after fleeing Sudan. “I’m very happy. It’s good day for me.”
Suddenly, a shriek in the distance: her daughter Tina Deng, now 30, had spotted Ali and was running toward her. They embraced, and sobbed. Soon, Ali would also meet the grandchildren she never knew she had.
“God bless America, and God bless my kids,” Ali said, overjoyed.
Until recently, Ali thought her daughter Tina, her sister and her mother had all died in Sudan’s civil war. But when they discovered each other on Facebook, everything changed. After living separate lives for so many years, they finally reunited this week in Colorado.
“I’m so very, very happy,” said Deng as she hugged her mother. “It’s a long time, my mom is like a dream and now I see her, I can’t believe. But I’m happy.”
As a young mother, Ali had fled her southern Sudanese village during a raid by local rebels. In the chaos Ali lost track of her mother, sister, and 6-year-old daughter, Tina. After walking through the desert for four days with one of her other children, Ali finally reached a refugee camp. Her family was one of many torn apart by the war in Sudan which has killed 2 million people.
Read more about this mother and daughter story at TheGrio.com